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Snowy, smoky, toxic May

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In which I out myself as the terrible person I most likely am, and complain a lot.

Fair warning: I believe some of the things Iíve hereafter written, Iíve exaggerated most, some of them might be true and I definitely donít bully that guy. I helped him move, we regularly eat dinner or have a beer together (when the world isnít ending) when Iím not too busy talking about him behind his back we actually have a good time.

May 11th 2020

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So, it snowed today in my city. On the morning of Monday May 11th, the sky decided to spew out a wet, cold snow that as it touched the ground immediately transformed into a horrid, white slurry. Good morning to you too, world! Hope your weekend was nice. I walked through this wet slap in the face feeling the start of rheumatism building in my bones and arrived at my office in a Mood, shouting at empty coffee machines and hitting annoying chairs in my way. Luckily schadenfreude is my friend, and when I saw someone come into the office in a much worse state than I found myself, I lightened up, and in fact Iíve been quite happy since then.

Iíve smoked like a chimney during the past few weeks at work - occasionally outside of work as well, but only when drinking; I feel chain-smoking, alcohol and friends go well together - this due to several circumstances. Iíve smoked semi-regularly the past few years to cope with stress, to get a breath of fresh air and to get a chance to talk to people privately. Cigarettes are a hugely useful tool when getting to know someone, especially if they arenít the type of person who would normally chat over a cup of coffee in the break room. Itís an idiotic thing to do, and Iím quite ashamed of it, but it serves a purpose.

This time the coal-burning factory in my lungs is due to a new client starting to work with our company in the next month or so. I myself wonít be involved in that project, but someone whose job I hopefully will soon be taking over is, and so when he goes for a cigarette, I go for a cigarette. This is a way for me to pick his brains, learn more about his job, but also to talk about XCOM and bully another colleague. We donít really bully him, but if we were to, it would be excruciatingly easy.

Another reason to slowly (or rather quickly) kill myself through sweet, sweet nicotine is the fact that weíre staffing up my team something absurdly for the summer. Normally there are around 30, maybe 35 people reporting to me, but this number is already reaching 45 at the moment, and weíre not even halfway through May yet. Add to these another 15 remote workers and probably 5 more locals at the end of the month.

As my would-be-bullied friend once said (he is the official trainer, so I hire them, he sets them up and then they come back to me again), itís a lot more fun to train people when theyíre attractive. At the time I wasnít sure how I wanted to react to that, but he does have a point; interviews are usually a lot more fun if the other person is nice to look at, a courtesy Iím afraid I canít always offer them in return. Then again, compared to some of the mutants Iíve been forced to sit in a room with, I guess Iím not all that terrible (except my seething toxicity).

Back from work again, and now itís dry outside, but light snow is falling again. The nice kind of snow, that might get stuck in your hair, but doesnít get your shoes wet. Maybe itís time for another cigarette and a glass of whisky.



  1. Flinn's Avatar
    An old joke says "smoke kills you slowly.. good because I have no hurry to die!"

    I remember back in my youth (maaaaann, 20 years ago at the least) when I visited Finland, smoking wasn't popular at all, I suppose you like to be uncommon eh? And snow on May? that looks like something that would not amuse me as well
  2. King Athelstan's Avatar
    I take everything written here literally and will thus assume you should be reported to HR with immediate effect. Where do you work by the way, in the tobacco business?