Flinn

"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment."

― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Once again I'm quoting Marcus Aurelius, who truly was an ante litteram Dudeist.

However.. fear is a powerful tool, meant by the nature to prevent us doing stupid things and to encourage our self-preservation... but since it's powerful it's easy for it to become overpowered, if you get what I mean. Life is meant to be lived, not witnessed, in other words too often fear prevents people from doing what they have been created for: while some caution is healthy and helps us in the learning process, none of us can really live if we don't take a certain risk in what we do... it's not like playing video games where you can reload, failure is part of life, but the fear of failure can hinder your happiness if you don't learn how to deal with it.

Once more, acknowledgment is the key: accept that you can fail, that your dreams couldn't become true and that things might go bad, and work your way around these truths. One thing I always hated is when I see people that do not live because of the fear of failure, it's something that makes me crazy... what's the logic of avoiding the challenge of living? I mean, if you don't take your risks, you won't get anything in return, just that.

Having spent a lot of time trying to help people with personal issues, I soon realized that the main trigger of fear is the inability to cope with the possibility of failure, not with the failure itself.. I'll try to explain where's the difference: the "idea" of a failure is what blocks most of the people, the simple fact that one can fail creates a fear within their soul that actually prevents them from taking any action on that regard. Also, the fear of not being able to cope with failure is even worse sometimes, because in case one is forced to do something and they then fail, the sense of regret can literally kill them, and I'm not joking.

Besides, your fear will be used against you, that's granted.

The Nature imposes that the strongest subjugates the weaker, and this is even more true with psychological mechanics.. the history is full of examples on how much fear has been used to dominate, drive, divide and impose on large masses... the fear of death is on the top of them, but can be easily matched by the fear of pain and, in more recent times, by the fear of being unable to comply with certain standards (or better to say, this specific form of fear it's nowadays widely used as a form of domination).

Now the point is: can we really cope with fear? Of course we can, what one really needs to do is to keep in mind that everything is healthy as long as it's moderated and that excessive caution always resolves in a bad outcome for those who apply it.. let's try to see it from another angle: nothing good will happen to you if you are not ready to risk something for it.. you like that person but you are afraid that they can refuse you? Then the best thing you can do is to openly approach that person, because if they accept you, then you'll be happy, if they don't, then you'll know it and you can move forward.. for me, the main input to overcome my fear is the possibility to lose a chance to have something good... I'd rather lose it for good, than not allowing myself to have it a go.

Also, courage is the strongest of all the virtues, remember this... as trite as it is, this is a great truth: only brave people are really free.