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The PikeStance Experience

Part III: The Pains of Loss & Sacrifice (THEN AND NOW)

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Part III: The Pains of Loss & Sacrifice
THEN AND NOW SERIES

There were to important women I dated/ married thus far.
The first person I was in a serious relationship with was 9 years my senior. I was 25 at the time. She also had a young daughter. She was 6-7 years old.
I dated this women for a year, but it was a very close relationship. She was a newly divorced women who's husband cheated. He would married that same women. At 25 I was a little experience dating a divorce women with hurtful past. I should had guessed when I discovered that she attended one of those "non- denominational" Churches. You know the type. The type that have people who would get up and run away the church yelling something. On one visit, a women got up, went to the alter, and laid down for virtually the entire mass. It was a surreal experience growing up Roman Catholic. I have heard of this stuff happening at "renewal" events with my own church, but those people seemed odd to me. The person I was with didn't carry on like that, except when they came to part where every one "spoke in tongue." I honestly do not buy that. The "minister" did it too, but he repeated the same sounding gibberish to me. I guess you can say I wasn't overcome by the Holy Spirit. Anyway, I wasn't too concern since she was apologetic for what I have seen.

The daughter and I got off inauspiciously. I enters the home while family was visiting from out of town and she said; "Oh no that man again! I don't like that man" It was only to get worse. I happened to have a nephew about the same age as her. I thought a perfect way to get into her good graces. Well, I am the fool. My nephew became insanely jealous of her. Well, you see, I was very close to him. I would pick them up after school. I would do their homework with them, I would coach them in soccer, take them to laser tag, the movies and everything else. He didn't see this girl as a playmate, but as a rival. He was incredibly mean to her. In the long run it probably help foster a closer relationship. As I healed her hurt feelings her attitude towards me improved. Plus my younger nephew liked her. As a child of divorce parents, she often sought approval. She would often asked to play with my nephews even though the older one wasted no opportunity to be mean. The younger nephew loved playing with her, so, in the end, it all worked out.

The key on my part is I always took the high road whenever she was nasty towards me. I also didn't put up with her attitude. Her mother, my girlfriend, acted like a typical divorce parent competing with the ex for love and affection, and were, at times, too lenient. She would often comment that I was too strict. The table was turned when the daughter expressed her preference that I help her with her homework. To make a long story short, I spent a lot of time with the both of them and bonded with the girl. I thought her as my daughter and she asked if she could call me Uncle. Given how we started, I was thrilled.

Eventually the relationship would end and till this day, I do not know was was most heart breaking, the loss of my girlfriend or the loss of my 'daughter'. I think of her often and on occasion I make a vain attempt to find her on facebook. Every time I get a friend request, I often look to if it could be her.

Years later, I would meet the person I would eventually married. She told me fairly early in the relationship that she didn't want kids. At first, I was really upset, but I really liked being with her, so I made the sacrifice. It was one sacrifice too many. The relationship was doomed from the start. It was primarly based on sex. We mostly disagreed about music, philosophy of life, and interest. Ironically, I did developed an interest in art, but she steadfastly refused to understand my interests. She would often mock them. Near the end of the relationship we argued about every little thing. She would often say the most insensitive things to me and if I mildly made any constructive criticism she acted as though I said the most cruel thing. Ultimately, by the time we were divorced I don't think she liked me much. The irony is we probably would had separated back in 2006. In 2006 we moved to Africa; it was difficult at first and we would often get drunk supporting each other. It was the closets we ever been. In 2007, we got married (which is another story all by itself). After we moved to Dubai, it was a slow decline quickened when we moved to China.

As it is right now I am 45 years old and I do not have any children. A regret that I will have. The upside is that I am currently dating a younger women interested in kids. I may still yet have one. However, the sacrifice was one too many. When in marriage counseling, it was revealed that the three biggest issues in a failing marriage are [1] children [2] money [3] sex. We had issues with two. Yes, ironically, my wife lost her libido. Apparently, that was my fault too. Money wasn't an issue, but I had to argue to get anything I wanted. One of the reasons I have so many Total war games now is I don't have to hear her nagging i am spending too much time and money.

You want good advice: NEVER SACRIFICE! Do not marry for sex; it never lasts and it is hardly a basis fora relationship. Do not get me wrong, it is important, but it can't be the primary reason. You need to love her personality. You need to appreciate her humor. You need to know her character (if they are pretty but is a crap person character wise, you will be miserable). If she TAKES and never GIVE, the RUN. If she is not over the last guy, RUN. I dated two women on the rebound and they both turned out bad. You will be tempted to hate them, but really the signs are there. DO NOT IGNORE THEM!

Thanks for reading.... would love to hear comments.

Updated April 07, 2015 at 09:54 PM by PikeStance

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Comments

  1. Junaidi83 de Bodemloze's Avatar
    Dont tell me the younger women interested in kinds was the Chinese wife now that live with you currently in Jakarta. For 45 years guys, its can be considering as achievement. Any vodoo or magic involved ??? I know you already visit africa, perhaps you also learn one or two magic trick how to made love potion :XD

    Anyways its was one hell of story. Hope this will be the last wife till both of you separated by death. At least you can die with happy smile Sir Craig. You should create story how you manage seduce that young chick back in China, i am sure there will lots of comment
  2. PikeStance's Avatar
    Yes, we would marry just over a month after I wrote this.
    I could include stories aout the "other" women in China, but I am not entirely sure I was the one doing the seducing.