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General Brewster


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Well, grab a cold one and a cookie. You might be here a while. Or not. Really depends on how far I'm going with this blog.

So, for quite some people it's not a secret that I lost my brother in 2017. Leaving a wife and son behind. I don't really want to delve into that further but I suppose it's quite important context for what's next. 2017 and part of 2018 were really centered about a personal journey that I very much shared with my sister in law. She lost her husband, I lost my brother and on top of that I divorced my wife about three months after my brother had died. My sister in law and I always had a good relationship. Often hung out together when my brother was still at work or me coming over for dinner. That kinda stuff. It all halted a bit when my ex wife got very jealous but anyway I digress. After the loss of my brother and her husband we helped each other through the rough patches. We, together with mutual friends pretty much had a blast through 2017 and through low points as my own hospitalization some 4-5 months after my brother's dead. Which you can guess did not go down very well for any of my family.

2018 came, new years eve was celebrated at her place with mutual friends. Pretty great evening really. We continued the path of partying and kept seeing each other pretty often. She had been dating a bit but it all went nowhere and I supported her through it all. As I knew my brother wanted. Eventually a co worker of her recommended her own son for a date. (We all need a wing mate like that woman.) I watched my nephew as she went on a date with him. I even fell asleep on the couch and rose to my sister in law and that dude standing in the room, looking at me. Pretty funny really. Anyway. Around April they became a couple. He's pretty nice, I'd lie if I said he wasn't. Only thing I had against him was that he's something like 12 years younger than she is. Ah well whatever floats your boat I thought, eventually. Not long after I myself got together with someone and you guessed it... we started to go out less, spend less time together etc etc. Eventually I got a bit naggy about her treating our mutual friends. She wouldn't text them anymore or even see them. Didn't take too long before I figured out that her new boyfriend was jealous on a pretty large scale and while I thought and still think it was wrong to then decrease contact, these people were the people that carried her through a pretty dark period. And me too. Few months after that and the situation deteriorated a bit more.. then it took a nose dive when she had told our mutual friends that her boyfriend was also getting jealous towards me... It pretty much dented our relationship because I could no longer visit without him about it and subconsciously it effected my sister in law even though she denied it. It's natural I suppose.

Summer 2018, we had plans for a festival. Eventually she cancelled like a month before because she'd be house hunting... which admittedly if you are reading this you must wonder how you know that a solid month in advance? So I knew something was up but decided not to say anything. Eventually it was because she was pregnant. Pregnant while she had a then 11 year old son, pregnant from a dude who's 12 years younger then her. You can imagine I needed to do my best to say "congrats". I got up and left basically after that. The months following it all became even less and I found that I was the only one investing in the friendship. Which was a heavy burden really. I mean I had somewhat promised my brother to look out and never start treating her differently after he had passed. The worst effect it all had is that I almost don't see my adorable nephew. The lad who, together with my own son are the bright lights in my life. The example of good and pure in this world, to me.

My sister in law was expected to give birth last week or this week. I just had a feeling about it today so I texted "Baby's not out yet?". Took 15 min of blue read conformation thingies before she sent a photo of her new born son. Some four hours after he was born. So I congratulated her before she politely told I'd not be welcome anytime soon. On which I replied "I'm sick anyway". While I can understand all this signified to me is that I definitely lost my spot as a inner circle guy with her. Otherwise she would've texted me on her own. Maybe I'm overreacting in the eyes of some of you. All it really says to me is that where I once was an important part of someone's life, I now am reduced to "the uncle of" so to say. The uncle of someone I barely see anymore because she doesn't have time or doesn't want to hang out with me anymore.

I suppose you could call this a bittersweet end to a friendship with someone whom I always saw as a sister.


  1. Flinn's Avatar
    Such is life my friend, such is life.. never expect adult people to remember the good you did to them, because they won't.. and don't be surprised, love stories end even worse than this, so for a friendship it isn't anything out of the ordinary, sadly. Does it hurt? Of course, but it will only make you stronger bro... and don't be mad at her, don't look for revenge, think of what she passed through, and consider that most of the people want to remove any reference to past pain.. very little would be able, probably, to keep it up with seeing the brother of the man they loved and that they lost in such a bad way... it's sad that you have to be somewhat left alone, but you are the strong one here, not her.

    Just focus on your nephew now, as much as you can.. one day he will grow up and he won't forget what you did for him when he was a lad and at need, this way you'll keep your word with your brother for how much life will allow you.. and heck if he will forget after all, it won't be your fault in any case, IMO you really owe something only to your brother, and you kept your word to him in any case.
    Updated November 21, 2019 at 10:31 AM by Flinn
  2. Flinn's Avatar
    yo bro, I have to ask you.. did you feel something for her other than friendship? It doesn't have to be necessarily something that you were aware of, but if you rethink on that period, can you exclude that you felt something more for her? Don't get me wrong man, I'm not telling anything out of the ordinary.. it's pretty normal for 2 persons who shared the same drama to get closer.. besides you had many points in common (you did divorce 3 months before), you know what? Maybe it was you, maybe her, or maybe both, but one way to see it is: you both felt something one for the other, than another person came in and you said to yourself "ok fine, I'll be there as a friend as I did before when my brother was still here".. and then she completely put you out of her life... man, this is not bitter, this tastes like , IMO
  3. Halie Satanus's Avatar
    No one did anything wrong or needs to be judged here. We only get one shot and it goes pretty quick. If she's happy, be happy for her. Find yourself a good woman, eat good food, drink plenty of beer, travel to great beaches/mountains/forests, get fat, get old and enjoy your life. Maybe if she sees you happy she'll reconnect, maybe not.

    Reflecting on what could have or didn't happen, or what other people are doing, is a waste of time....
  4. General Brewster's Avatar
    @Flinn, I can confidently say I never felt something for her. Obviously I can't talk for her but I don't think so.. but maybe because we both thought it would've been really weird and wrong anyway?

    @Halie, I didn't write it with the intention to reflect on anything really. The only thing about this story that really bugs me to my core is that I am not seeing my nephew as much anymore as a consequence and where over the last three years I filled a connection to his father, I am now feeling pushed out by some "new" father figure that didn't even have hair on his balls when my nephew was born.