Your nation's jokes (also rude ones) about other nations?

**Domen123** · May 12, 2009, 08:48 AM

Some Polish jokes about Germans and Germany:

"Three guys are debating about which of their languages is the most pleasing to the ear.

The Spaniard says: "Consider the word for 'butterfly'. In Spanish, it is pronounced 'Mariposa', a beautiful sounding word."

The French man says: "True, but Papillion, the French word for butterfly, is even more beautiful."

"What's wrong with Schmetterling?" - asks the German."

Another one:

"- where does Germany lie?
- near Stalingrad."

"- What are surnames of the three greatest German scientists?
- Einstein, Zweisten, Dreistein."

"- How does a typical German look like?:
- Tall like Goebels, slim like Goering and fair-haired like Hitler!"

"- What does it mean when a cow is nicer than a woman?
- You are in Germany !"

"- How you can sink a German submarine?
- You need to send a diver and tell him to knock the manhole!"

"- What does a German do when he opens a fish can?
- First of all - he arranges everything - Ordnung must sein!"

"- Why do Germans have got so few children?
- Because they are afraid that their children may inherit their mother's beauty !"

"- Why do German men value Polish bricklayers?
- Because they finally learned how to lay bricks.
- And why do German women value Polish bricklayers?
- Because they finally learned what does orgasm mean !"

"- Why does German bathtub has got two outflows?
- Because one is for hot water and one is for cold water !"

"Do you know how Germany was created? God was sitting near the Oder river, and was moulding our beautiful country - Poland. And he was throwing things which did not work out behind his back."

"- what is the name of this German who always hides my glasses?
- Alzheimer, grandpa!"

"- Bill Gates - the reachest American - was waiting for brain transplantation - he had got three brains to choose - Polish, Russian and German.
- Which one did he choose?
- A German one.
- Why?
- Because it was unused!"

"II World War - Russian soldiers are plundering a German cemetery. They are jumping from one grave to another - and reading who is buried there:
- Albert Hess
- Bruno Schwarz
- Herman Guttman
- Edward von Klinkerhoffen
- Achtung Minen"

"- What is the GREATEST DREAM of every German between 40 and 75 Jahre alt?
- GARTENZWERG !"

**numerosdecimus** · May 12, 2009, 08:56 AM

Portuguese joke:

"Então Fernão mentes? Sim, minto!"

Translation: "So Fernão do you lie? Yes I lie!"

Fernão - Fernão

mentes - Mendes

minto - Pinto

Name of the historical personality: Fernão Mendes Pinto

If you don't get the joke that's ok.

**Swagger** · May 12, 2009, 09:03 AM

Originally Posted by numerosdecimus

Portuguese joke:

"Então Fernão mentes? Sim, minto!"

Translation: "So Fernão do you lie? Yes I lie!"

Fernão - Fernão

mentes - Mendes

minto - Pinto

Name of the historical personality: Fernão Mendes Pinto

If you don't get the joke that's ok.

im pretty sure they won't get the joke

it's pretty much a portuguese people only joke

ignorantes...

**Domen123** · May 12, 2009, 09:08 AM

German joke about Poles made before Euro 2008:

Polish respond to this joke:

He says:

"Behind us there are six drunk Germans. Could you take care of them and their car?"

Another respond:

"Euro 2008:

Not for idiots!"

------------------------------------

Two more German jokes about Poles:

**Prof** · May 12, 2009, 09:14 AM

Well...most of those german-jokes are transformed blonde jokes and/or have nothing to do with reality.

Now here are some of ours xD

What is green and flies through the skies of Poland?
Peter Panski

What is green and runs through the forests of Poland?
Robin Hoodski

How do you notice a Pole has made it into heaven?
The Big Dipper (in German it is "Großer Wagen" (great wagon)) is missing its wheels

A short sentence with 3 lies:
Honest Pole with own car is looking for work

What do you call it when 2 whites are pushing a car?
-White Power
What do you call it when 2 blacks are pushing a car?
-Black Power
What do you call it when 2 Poles are pushing a car?
-grand theft auto

Don't laugh if a Pole in a car hits a tree...it could be yours

When is Christmas in Poland?
2 days after Germany

Why do Germans like shopping in Poland?
to get their stuff back

I decided not to use any WWII jokes because they are tasteless and I decided only to use Poland-jokes, because I felt slightly offended by the first post.

**~~sabaku_no_gaara~~** · May 12, 2009, 09:17 AM

Originally Posted by Domen123

"II World War - Russian soldiers are plundering a German cemetery. They are jumping from one grave to another - and reading who is buried there:
- Albert Hess
- Bruno Schwarz
- Herman Guttman
- Edward von Klinkerhoffen
- Achtung Minen"

This one I like, Achtung minen is: beware! Mines

I'm dutch so a lot of our jokes are about Belgians nut I'm too lazy to type a full joke you won't get annyway

@Prof: lol I live in Belgium, and I've seen 90% of those jokes there as jokes about morrocans :p

**Domen123** · May 12, 2009, 09:35 AM

Originally Posted by Prof

Well...most of those german-jokes are transformed blonde jokes and/or have nothing to do with reality.

Now here are some of ours xD

Hi Prof,

Almost all of German polish-jokes are based on one (maybe two) stereotype (s) - of course some of them are funny - but Polish german-jokes are more varied

.

**Prof** · May 12, 2009, 09:57 AM

yeah because you take any joke and replace the victim with a German...which most of the time leads to jokes which don't have anything to do with reality

**Arn** · May 12, 2009, 10:23 AM

Lol this is interesting. Germans makes jokes about Poles and Poles about Germans. It's excactly the same thing with Swedes and Norweigans

**Belgian General** · May 12, 2009, 10:32 AM

Or between the Dutch and the Belgians.

**Mr. Pink** · May 12, 2009, 10:46 AM

What do you call the Englishmen in England?

A bunch of wanks.

**Taxandrius** · May 12, 2009, 10:49 AM

about foreigners (no offense, I just quote someone):

The king of Belgium, pres. Sarkozy of France, king Juan Carlos of Spain and the king of Morocco are sitting in an airplane, flying from Belgium to Morocco. After a min. or 2, Albert (BEL) opens his window and smells. "We're still in Belgium", he says. The others ask him how he knows. "Do you smell the stench of our pollution, the sweet odor of our beers ? That's Belgium!". 30 min. later, Sarko opens his window. "We're in France". "How do you know", the others ask ? "Don't you smell the sweet odors of our lavendre, the Provence and the burning cars in the Banlieu's , That's France !". 30 min later, Juan opens his window and says: "This is Spain: the smell of Andalusia, the odor of bull poo, that's Spain". 1h later, the king of Morocco opens his window and puts his arm out of the window, and says "We're in Morocco". The others ask: "How do you know that ?? You haven't smelled yet ?!". "No, I didn't", he says, "but my watch is stolen."

What's one Turk in a garbage can ?
avaricious, there's room for two !

(These jokes are not mine, their just jokes I hear every day)

**Prof.Moriarty** · May 12, 2009, 11:19 AM

A belgian joke (no offense)

After excavations in the Russian soil to a depth of 100 meters have Russian scientists found residues of copper wires, with an estimated age of about 1000 years. The Russians have thus concluded that their ancestors 1,000 years ago already had a copper network!

Not left behind its U.S. scientists their soil while stripping at a depth of 200 meters fiber glass was founded. These fibers were found after examining some 2,000 years old to be
which the Americans concluded that their ancestors 2000 years ago already had a very advanced digital fiber network in their possession.
And that about 1,000 years befor the Russians ...

A week later, the Belgians published the following report: "After excavations in the Belgian soil to a depth of 500 meters, Belgian scientists have found absolutely nothing." The Belgians claim that about 5000 years ago the Old Belgians already were in possession of a wireless network

**english tyrant** · May 12, 2009, 12:46 PM

Originally Posted by Danny_C_1

What do you call the Englishmen in England?

A bunch of wanks.

(I mean no offense by this I just thought it was amusing)
Q: What was the last thing going through Mr. Jones' head while sitting on the 90th floor of the WTC?
A: The 91st floor.

**Kamos** · May 12, 2009, 12:53 PM

The French.

**King Nud** · May 12, 2009, 01:05 PM

^ lol ^

When a Jumbo Jet lands at Sydney, how do you tell it contains English people?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

**EireEmerald** · May 12, 2009, 01:23 PM

Irish Humour FTW

Tommy Tiernan on the Polish

**Norge** · May 12, 2009, 01:43 PM

Why did God create Swedes? So that Norwegians would have something to laugh at.

**Sebdeas** · May 12, 2009, 01:59 PM

I know jokes about something I'm positive I can't joke about on the forum (Hitler+holocaust).

And an obligatory racist one (sorry, I didn't make it up)
A Moroccan and a Turk are in a car, who's driving?

The Cops!
Just a joke fella's

**Guy** · May 12, 2009, 02:01 PM

Sorry but this is a competition of who can offend the other nation the most!
I'm going to close it for now, please feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

Closed.