Some sad lyrics

**20ninescene** · April 06, 2019, 08:11 AM

Hi everyone!

2 weeks ago I wrote some lyrics for a song and I'm writing another one today. Any constructive criticism is welcome!

The fist one is titled "All hope that still remains is an illusion, optimism is self-deceit."

I'm so happy,
don't worry I'm fine .
I'm so glad to be alive,
I'm joyful, I thrive.
Nothing troubles my mind

No worries 'bout global warming,
just ignore the pseudoscientist's warning.
Don't worry,
be happy!
Be happy!
Be joyful!
Be cheerful!
Be ****in' happy!

I am just a cis guy,
nothing queer about me.
I couldn't be more cisgender,
certainly not non-binary.
Put your gender in a blender.

No worries 'bout global warming,
just ignore the pseudoscientist's warning.
Don't worry,
be happy!
Be happy!
Be joyful!
Be cheerful!
Be ****in' happy!

I'm so happy,
don't worry I'm fine.
I'm so glad to be alive,
I'm joyful, I thrive.
Nothing troubles my mind

Be happy!
Be happy!
Be joyful!
Be cheerful!
Be ****in' happy!

I do not have herpes,
not a single STD.
I am fully clean,
come have some sex with me,
you won't get an STD.

No worries 'bout global warming,
just ignore the pseudoscientist's warning.
Don't worry,
be happy!
Be happy!
Be joyful!
Be cheerful!
Be ****in' happy!

You can listen to it on Soundcloud and YouTube

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

The second one which is still a work in progress is titled "How to fix every problem in life all at once."

Noose around my neck, oh!
Deep inside I am a wreck, yeh!

Razor met my wrist, oh!
It's because you made me pissed, yeh!

Bullet thru my head, oh!
Soon I will be ****in' dead, yeh!

I will end the pain, oh!
I will jump under a train, yeh!

How to fix your life, oh?
Get yaself a pointy knife, yeh!

Need a good plan B, oh?
Slit your throat, it's that easy, yeh!

Warning, I'm the copyright holder of these lyrics, do not use them in your own work without proper attribution! If you do use them in your own work without giving me and my band full credits, then me and my band will sue you!

**Alwyn** · April 07, 2019, 08:25 AM

Based on the title, I'm guessing that the lyrics of the first one are intended to be read as ironic. Based on the lyrics of the second one, I hope they're not intented to be read literally - otherwise, I'd want to recommend contacting The Samaritans (the UK or US branch, or whichever suicide prevention group is nearest)!

**Salah ad Din Yusuf** · April 07, 2019, 04:08 PM

I do not know how to address the first, as its struct is very modern. I do feel that the second "No worries 'bout global warming, just ignore the pseudoscientist's warning." could be replaced. Perhaps even an interchange of 'warning' and 'warming'. I would've alternated the second "Be happy!" in the chorus and the "Be" in "

ing happy". I suppose some jarring lyrics are intended. If you are trying a traditional poem in your second work I would remove the "yeh" and "oh" and revise it to rhyme. I liked the voice and the instruments.

**20ninescene** · April 10, 2019, 12:03 PM

Originally Posted by Alwyn

Based on the title, I'm guessing that the lyrics of the first one are intended to be read as ironic. Based on the lyrics of the second one, I hope they're not intented to be read literally - otherwise, I'd want to recommend contacting The Samaritans (the UK or US branch, or whichever suicide prevention group is nearest)!

The first one is ironic, yes! The second one is not but it was written a few days after I found out my significant other found someone else, I've even done a suicide attempt by drinking many cans of Rockstar. I'm doing better now, I try to meditate, pray and exercise every day and avoid things like energy drinks to bring the positivity back into my life.

I do not know how to address the first, as its struct is very modern. I do feel that the second "No worries 'bout global warming, just ignore the pseudoscientist's warning." could be replaced. Perhaps even an interchange of 'warning' and 'warming'. I would've alternated the second "Be happy!" in the chorus and the "Be" in "

ing happy". I suppose some jarring lyrics are intended. If you are trying a traditional poem in your second work I would remove the "yeh" and "oh" and revise it to rhyme. I liked the voice and the instruments.

Well regarding structure I do not try to base it on anything existing, I just do what feels good to me, regarding the complexity, it's because I use complex time signatures lik 10/8, 11/8 6/4, 5/4, etc.