Page 5 of 7 FirstFirst 1234567 LastLast
Results 81 to 100 of 138

Thread: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated May 19, 2019]

  1. #81
    Turkafinwë's Avatar The Sick Baby Jester
    Content Emeritus

    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Belgium
    Posts
    3,802

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated December 31, 2018]

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    @Turk: Welcome to the party pal (Die Hard reference; love it or leave it ). But in all seriousness, I'm glad you found your way over here! I've been mightily enjoying Skotos' tale, and I think he's still got a lot of kick left in him
    I love it! Such a great movie! With great lines, excellently performed by the late Alan Rickman, like “I wanted this to be professional, efficient, adult, cooperative. Not a lot to ask. Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way… so he won’t be joining us for the rest of his life.” and “We can go any way you want it. You can walk out of here or be carried out. But have no illusions. We are in charge.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    Whoah, Turk is here! Many thanks, man. And of course you're a sucker for melancholic tales, you're doing a LotR AAR. Speaking of which, I have subbed and have been reading To Earn a Kingdom, but I just felt I didn't have anything to add. Is that an a-hole thing to do? I'll try to return the favor here and post there.
    I thought I'd bring back your dogs personally. They've been good boys.



    Thanks very much! No it's not an a-hole thing to so do don't worry about it. Let the comments come naturally. It's already nice to know that you're investing your time in my AAR, so thanks.

  2. #82
    Skotos of Sinope's Avatar Macstre Gaposal
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    The Republic of Letters
    Posts
    789

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated December 31, 2018]

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    The "suggestion" then is just to always make sure you say enough for us to be able to link in the suspenseful bit to the plot-line without giving us enough information to stop needing your narrative. That's the sweet spot.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    About tampering down or escalating it, that's up to your personal choice. I'd say "accentuate" is the way to go. Meaning sometimes tamper down, sometimes escalating it, according to your needs.

    Information control is key for that, and most importantly you need to have an understanding what needs to happen when for the pieces to fall properly.
    Roger that. I see what you mean now. Looking at my outline again for book one, the plan is certainly to do that. Information control is something that definitely is first in my mind.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    Yeah, I'm up to it. Just be aware that January is a super busy month for me.
    Not a problem. I'll send it to you just as soon as Kilo gives me his feedback. Whenever you can get to it. It's too big to fit in a PM. You want to PM me your email address? Either that or I can upload it to my dropbox and send you the link.

    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwë View Post
    I love it! Such a great movie! With great lines, excellently performed by the late Alan Rickman, like “I wanted this to be professional, efficient, adult, cooperative. Not a lot to ask. Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way… so he won’t be joining us for the rest of his life.” and “We can go any way you want it. You can walk out of here or be carried out. But have no illusions. We are in charge.”
    Tragically, I was introduced to Alan Rickman with Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. That kind of ruined me for the original Die Hard. Gruber just isn't as menacing.

    Now with that out of the way, I have a little something to unveil. I know a few people were confused a bit about the geography, since very few place names survive to modern day. Thankfully, after Kilo furnishing me some reference maps, and a month of sweat and cursing, here's a sneak peak of a map that's going to be the basis for many more going forward:

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 




    It still needs some polishing, but you get the idea. As Avle and co. go on the move, I want to be able to show where he is, the other armies' last known positions, and the change in borders.
    Last edited by Skotos of Sinope; January 05, 2019 at 05:56 PM.

  3. #83

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated December 31, 2018]

    Oh, Skotos, that map is awesome! I love map porn, and that one is going in the slideshow. I might need some info on how you put that together via a pm, just so that I can polish up my own skills.
    | Community Creative Writing
    | My Library
    | My Mapping Resources
    | My Nabataean AAR for EBII
    | My Ongoing Creative Writing

  4. #84
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
    Content Director Patrician Citizen

    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    12,223

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated December 31, 2018]

    Nicely done! I like what you showed us about the character of Gaius Sulpicius Peticus and the historical research into Plutarch's writing which went into this chapter.

  5. #85
    Cookiegod's Avatar CIVUS DIVUS EX CLIBANO
    Citizen

    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    In Derc's schizophrenic mind
    Posts
    4,452

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated December 31, 2018]

    It's a nice map. If I had to point out one imperfection though it'd be the inconsistency at the border. The water goes halfway through the bars to the left and right but not completely, whereas upper bar and lower bar aren't filled at all. It should either fill them completely, or not at all, and the choice should be the same for all directions.
    You can let the geographical features continue a bit into the border, but not too much, and again it needs consistency. The bar shouldn't be interrupted by those mountains, otherwise it won't make much sense to have that border at all. But since it's so nice to look at, I think it should stay. The geographical features don't all have to stop at the same spot, so the colouring could for example stop before the rest of the map. But other than that I'm a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge fan.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    From Socrates over Jesus to me it has always been the lot of any true visionary to be rejected by the reactionary bourgeoisie
    Qualis noncives pereo! #justiceforcookie #egalitéfraternitécookié #CLM

  6. #86
    Skotos of Sinope's Avatar Macstre Gaposal
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    The Republic of Letters
    Posts
    789

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated December 31, 2018]

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    Oh, Skotos, that map is awesome! I love map porn, and that one is going in the slideshow. I might need some info on how you put that together via a pm, just so that I can polish up my own skills.
    I'll PM you tomorrow. I can also send you any of the assets I used, but things like brushes and symbols are vector based, so they only work in Illustrator. (Get Adobe Illustrator, dude! I'm only now discovering how powerful it is. It's only like $20 a month. I think they even have a student discount.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    Nicely done! I like what you showed us about the character of Gaius Sulpicius Peticus and the historical research into Plutarch's writing which went into this chapter.
    Thanks Alwyn. I'm still hesitant to do an author's note every time (There will be one coming up in the next post, though.) just because I know I'll only end up abusing the privilege.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    It's a nice map. If I had to point out one imperfection though it'd be the inconsistency at the border. The water goes halfway through the bars to the left and right but not completely, whereas upper bar and lower bar aren't filled at all. It should either fill them completely, or not at all, and the choice should be the same for all directions.
    You can let the geographical features continue a bit into the border, but not too much, and again it needs consistency. The bar shouldn't be interrupted by those mountains, otherwise it won't make much sense to have that border at all. But since it's so nice to look at, I think it should stay. The geographical features don't all have to stop at the same spot, so the colouring could for example stop before the rest of the map. But other than that I'm a huuuuuuuuuuuuuge fan.*
    Yeah, regarding the border imperfections, that started mostly because of general incompetence when using Illustrator. But I actually liked that it added a kind of hand-made feel to it, so I didn't try to correct it. The blue of the water spilling over (No pun intended) reminded me of some of the “ink bleed” that I saw on some old printed art. I think I'll rein in some of the coastlines going too far into the border, but I still l'll have small imperfections here and there give it a more tangible quality. I hope to add a legend and things like forests if I have more time, too. But right now the next step is doing to get a smaller, 'zoomed-in' version to track the positions of our heroes and villain...

  7. #87
    Skotos of Sinope's Avatar Macstre Gaposal
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    The Republic of Letters
    Posts
    789

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated December 31, 2018]

    Recap


    The Story So Far:

    The Gauls have invaded Italy. Only Tarchuna---the jewel of Etruria and birthplace of the Roman kings---stands in their way. Arnth Velcha, commander of Tarchuna's armed forces, has led an army to turn the Gallic invasion back---only to find himself both outnumbered and out of communication. With Arnth vanishing without a trace, his foster brother Avle Spurinna now rushes to Arnth's aid. But no sooner has Avle disembarked than he faces his first test as a commander...

    Characters Featured:


    Avle Spurinna: Main protagonist. Half-Roman Zilath (head of government) of Tarchuna. Descendent of the Roman Kings on his mother's side and inheritor of the Kingsblood Quadriga. When we first meet him, he's an undisciplined drinker, gambler and chariot racer.







    Arnth Velcha: Brother-in-law and life-long friend of Avle. The Purthsvana or military leader of Tarchuna. Traditional, dutiful, and often melancholy. He is the model of an Etruscan statesman and the polar opposite of Avle. He longs for the halcyon days of the monarchy.







    Velthur the Stammerer: Uncle of Arnth. Patriarch of the Velchae. Honorable and irritable. A recent stroke has robbed him of his ability to speak. Now aide-de-camp to Avle Spurinna.








    Marce Velcha: Son of Arnth and heir to the Velchae.









    Marcus Furius Camillus: Later known as the second founder of Rome. Camillus killed Avle Spurinna's father and grandfather in 405 BCE during the siege of Veii.








    Cneve Tetnies: Spy and assassin for the Spurinnae. Swore himself to Avle's service after Brennus took his home city of Sarsina.








    Terms Used:

    Papa: Grandfather.
    Creice Truials: Greeks and Trojans. (Note: I have no examples of the plural nominative declination of Creice. As many nouns were the same in singular and plural, I have left it as is rather than trying to stick an -er or -ar onto it. Also the conjunction is omitted as an asyndeton.)
    Macstre: master, lord.
    Felsina: Modern day Bologna.



    Chapter Four – The Amber Road (Part One)





    Avle Spurinna
    Autumn, 399 BCE


    Ramtha my love, it has only been two days since breaking camp, and we have already suffered our first mass desertion. And the fault is mine. But like the racer trying to break his own record, I am getting ahead of myself.

    Near midday we stopped near the ruins of Cortuosa, to water our horses, refresh ourselves with cheese and bread, and scout ahead for a level plain to encamp. I had found a place in the shade for North Wind and had brushed and applied a salve to his coat. (You know how easily white Niseans suffer sunburns. Thankfully there's little sun this late in autumn.) I had to put the Kingsblood Quadriga away, still lying disassembled in a chest, and placed it far back in the baggage train. North Wind became too anxious when near it. For some queer reason, even after all these years, he was still fearful of it. Father always said that Niseans were wiser than men in some ways. What does North Wind see that I do not?

    After that, I set up my tent where Velthur and I studied a map. The pain in my wrist had flared again while on the road. I was changing the wrapping on my wrist while the physician prepared another measure of fabulonia, when suddenly such a clamor arose in our train that I almost thought we had been taken by a surprise attack. The truth is not so dire, but not by much. The very day after we left Cisra, in a brazen assault, Marcus Furius Camillus has seized the city for Rome. They must have been watching in wait as I drained the city of much of its fighting age men. I had given them the perfect opportunity. By securing Cisra, Rome can now cut Veii off from sea any possible sea reinforcement via the port at Pyrgi and tighten the noose. I imagine seven years into their siege, they have grown impatient.

    Within an hour of this news, nearly a third of those we had recruited at Cisra had elected to go home, in some vain hope to liberate their city. Velthur shrugged it off with his usual aplomb: "So the Romans defecated and have taken our flies away from us?" Better they flee now than on the field, he wrote in his tablet. He said that a commander should know as soon as possible which of his men have half their heart in the cause. He should give them every reason to leave early so that what remains will only be men he can rely on. I said perhaps he chased them away with all his hectoring. He thanked me for the compliment. He used to make his men march without baggage trains, carrying everything on rucksacks strapped to their backs and offered hot meals and a feather bed for anyone who quit. He did this even for penestes, men forced by oath and station to fight for him. But Velthur only wanted the hardened. It's not right that we call him Velthur the Stammerer. He doesn't stammer. It's a strange condition he has, since the stroke. He thinks he is saying something and hears his words in his mind, but what comes forth from his mouth is babbling nonsense. His ability to comprehend the speech of others is unimpeded, as is his ability to write.

    I asked Velthur to walk with me among Cortuosa's charred ruins. I needed pause to think, and there seemed no better place to contemplate one's possible demise. Within Cortuosa's toppled walls a timid herd of roe trod uncobbled streets, saw us, and leaped on. Birds and hare now lodge in houses unpeopled aside fields uneared. Blackened statues cleaved of volcanic nenfro, born in the fiery earth, have met fire again. The cockerel cries here no longer. I thought of Arnth, who loved ruins as a boy. He would like to imagine what kind of people lived there, the unsung valor that they might have fought with, not knowing that their lives were but footsteps in the snow. I myself hate all things that reeks of death. But death is a clarifying thing and reminds us that our actions have consequences. And Cortuosa was the consequence of us Spurinnae. It was because of father that seven years ago, Camillus and his Roman army leveled Cortuosa and Contenebra in reprisal for what father did. Many were bemused to see Metru and Larth leading Tachuna's forces out to Veii's rescue. For over a hundred years, going back to the days of the Tarquin monarchy, the Spurinnae were long considered part of the pro-Roman party, with the Velchae leading the Anti-Roman one. But father's belief in a united Etruria superseded his affinity for the seven-hilled city. I don't blame Camillus, or the Romans, for father's death as Arnth did. I blame all of our allies who left him to fight alone. Metru and Papa Larth would not have died trying to liberate Veii if the other cities had not abandoned their oaths.

    Father's plan to break the siege was that, on his signal, the Veientine garrison would open their gates and sally forth. Meanwhile, Metru's and Larth's men would burn the Romans' empty camp and supplies. Camillus would retreat home demoralized and face a war-weary public, giving the Etruscans enough time for other cities to send their armies to reinforce Veii. Rome would have to respect Etrusci territory. But the recreant King of Veii hid behind his walls, and most of the Romans were still in the camp that morning when Metru and Papa Larth rode in. The Romans chased what remained of the Tarquiniensis army to Cisra, and burned our two southern-most cities. So it is that monarchies like Veii derogate and make shipwrecks of their states. Let the days of kingly Etruria lie in these Cortuosan ruins.

    I asked Velthur for his honest counsel. Should we change our plans? He wrote that we had little choice but to continue: to stop at Veluzna, then take the Amber Road north toward Siena, telling everyone along the way that we merely intend to guard the northern border against the Ligures, to ensure that this doesn't become a two-front war. The Senones can't know we are coming. Now with an even smaller force, surprise is all the more crucial. From Siena we will cut across the mountains and make for Viesul, where Arnth will likely be heading. It would be a long march, he cautioned. The weather would get worse as the season changed and we climbed the Apennines, with nothing to offer in booty or glory. Velthur warned that I should anticipate more desertions.

    Marce spied the two of us talking, and I waved him over. My young nephew doesn't even wear the tebenna yet but, having brought a small army of his own, it was only right for him to be part of our impromptu war council. He thinks he'll write an epic of this war. Tell my sister Velia that her son's going to be a great poet one day, Ramtha. Did you know he wrote a Pindaric Ode in my honor? You should see how he looks up to me. I suspect that, like Arnth, he found a Spurinna to be his second father. The ode was about the time I won the triga race at the Pan-Etrusci Ludi. After it was over, I found my gelding had torn his bow tendon. So, one horse down, the next day I entered the biga race with the remaining two and won that as well. No one had ever won both events in the same games before. It made me something of a legend, and it was years before anyone would let me pay for my own wine. Those days are not likely to come again. I'm now too busy to continue training. A fourth-place showing at the Circus and a broken wrist should tell me it's time to quit with what dignity I have left.

    Oh but that discussion started Velthur on another one of his rants. This time about my satelles riding war chariots, rather than as mounted cavalry. Velthur thinks it's not just folly but hubris. This is not a time for a game of Creice Truials [I believe this to be an older variation on our own "Greeks and Trojans", where boys of the equites play war on horseback. In the older Etrusci form it was played in two-horse chariots. – G. Sulpicius Peticus] Velthur asked me what he thinks dilettantes are going to do when we find ourselves in the Gallic Whirlwind. His concern touched me.

    Now Ramtha, in the previous letter I said I would explain this. Papa Larth told me this story when I was little. He said if I was ever to find myself in a Gallic Whirlwind, to run. To remain was suicide. He said that long ago, the Boii had crossed the river Po and began raiding the ager of Felsina. Felsina appealed to the southern cities for aid. Larth was barely old enough to pluck his chin hair. He said you don't expect war chariots in the hills, but that's where they're most deadly. The landscape conceals their sight and sound until its too late. One moment you hear a rumble in the distance, then shapes form as if rising out of the ground itself. Kicking up dust, blowing their hellish horns and screaming like beasts---you don't know until it's too late that you've been encircled. The next moment, you can hardly breathe, you can't see your own spear in your hand, and amidst the thunder of hooves and wheels, it begins raining javelins. One of their chariots got close enough though that he caught sight of it. As the charioteer held the reins, the chariot warrior was dancing, tumbling along the draft pole and back again, slashing men left and right with his giant long sword in one hand and hurling javelins in the other. They locked eyes. And the warrior smiled at him. He bowed mockingly and sent a javelin whistling passed papa's ear, missing on purpose. This wasn't war. This was a cat playing with its kill. Then the chariot warriors dismount, and they're upon you. The chariots then drive your cavalry away. There is no one to see your slaughter. No one can help you. By then, you're already dead. I objected that he saw it, and he was not dead. He laughed. "Aren't you listening, boy? That's because I ran. And you run too."

    At this point, I noticed Cneve walking toward us along with a man I hadn't seen before. The companion wore his riding clothes and looked haggard from travel. Before he could speak, I asked Cneve if he had ever heard of a man named Vel Murena. I remembered that he was there with grandfather on that day — the only other one alive to survive the Whirlwind.

    “Of course, macstre.” Cneve replied. “Everyone has. He's the greatest chariot commander who ever lived. He earned the cognomen “Hinthial”: the avenging ghost. He stayed in Felsina when everyone else fled south, still waging a guerrilla war on the Boii to this day.”

    To this day? He couldn't still be alive. He must be in his eighties by now. “Nineties.”, Cneve corrected me.

    “You hear that, uncle?” I said to Velthur. “I was wrong. There actually is someone older than you are.”

    Cneve said a haruspex once told Murena that he would not die until the Gauls are driven back. I pondered this for a moment, filing it away in my memory for later. I then realize I was rudely ignoring our visitor. Cneve introduced him.

    “Macstre, this man has just arrived bearing a message with Viesul's zilath's seal on it. I can personally vouch for him. I think you should hear what he has to say.”

    I shook his hand and asked what news he brought from the zilath of Viesul.

    “None, macstre.” The rider cleared his throat. “My zilath is with Charun now.” He handed me the message. “Ambushed. A complete rout. He sallied out to meet Brennus. But Brennus met him first. Now Brennus banquets in his hall and Viesul is added to Greater Senonia.”

    Well, if I'm to get ill tidings, it's best it comes all at once. We all turned and silently looked to the western sky to honor the man's passage. But if the message wasn't from him, I asked from whom it came.

    “From the man who has now taken command of Viesul's army...of the entire army of northern Etruria in fact.” The rider handed me the message. “A general arrived soon after the battle, flying the standard of Tarchuna. He wasted no time, rallied what men remained and is now consolidating our numbers and preparing a counter-offensive. I was charged with finding the other Tarquiensis host and delivering this dispatch to his brother.”

    I cracked the seal and opened the dispatch.

    “You already have.”

    Arnth, you damned show-off.


    Continue to Chapter Four, Part Two...

    Author's Note


    As requested, here's the source that was the inspiration for the Gallic Whirlwind. It comes from Caesar's De Bello Gallico 4.33.

    I could have sworn that the blinding cloud of dust produced by the Celtic chariots was mentioned by Caesar, but it's not in the original text. It might have been in Tacitus. I'll have to look again. I always found it fascinating how terrified this hardened legion was of Celtic chariots. The memory would still be fresh in these soldiers' minds of the Mithridatic Wars, where the Roman army famously laughed off Mithridates' scythed chariots. Yet here they were thrown into panic and disarray. It must've been a sight to see.

    Last edited by Skotos of Sinope; February 16, 2019 at 02:01 PM.

  8. #88

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated December 31, 2018]

    Ah, Skotos, as always you deliver and I find myself once again smiling and worrying after our heroes. I greatly enjoyed this installment, with its little hints of things to come and also with the quite cool description of the "Gallic Whirlwind". Also, you have a Roman character whose second name is "Furious"... that is simply amazing!



    There were a couple more things in this installment that I have thoughts on, so rather than giving a little breakdown of typos, I'll just contentbox the whole update and comment it inline. I hope that's okay. Also, in addition to the usual blue for additions and orange for thoughts/suggestions, I am going to add in green for things I absolutely loved, as there were some phrases and word choices that I found to be just bang on! Also, as usual, this is all just my thoughts, and none of it is to be taken as something that necessarily needs to be changed. Anyway, here goes.

    The Amber Road

    Chapter Four – The Amber Road (Part One)



    Avle Spurinna
    Autumn, 399 BCE


    Ramtha my love, it has only been two days since breaking camp, and already we have already suffered our first mass desertion. And tThe fault is minemy own, but. But like the racer trying to break his own record, I am getting ahead of myself.

    Near midday we stopped near the ruins of Cortuosa, to water our horses, refresh ourselves with cheese and bread, and scout ahead for a level plain to encamp. I had found a place in the shade for North Wind and had brushed and applied a salve to his coat. (You know how easily white Niseans suffer sunburns. Thankfully there's little sun this late in autumn.) I had to put the Kingsblood Quadriga away, still lying disassembled in a chest, and placed it far back in the baggage train. North Wind became too anxious when near it. For some queer reason, even after all these years, he was still fearful of it. Father always said that Niseans were[I am not certain, but I think this "were" should be "are". See what you think though.] wiser than men in some ways. What does North Wind see that I do not?

    After that, I set up my tent, where that Velthur and I might studyied a our maps.[I am honestly not sure whether the preceding sentence needs to be here at all. Maybe consider dropping the whole thing.] The pain in my wrist had flared again while on the road. and I was changing the wrapping on my wrist while the physician prepared another measure of fabulonia[This also seems like it could be deleted], when suddenly such a clamor arose in our train that I almost thought we had been taken by a surprise attack. The truth is was not so dire, but not by much. The very day after we left Cisra, in a brazen assault, Marcus Furius Camillus has seized the city for Rome. They must have been watching in wait as I drained the city of much ofaway its fighting age men,. I had given giving them their perfect opportunity. By securing Cisra, Rome can nowhas cut Veii off from the sea, from any possible sea reinforcement via the port at Pyrgi. and tighten the noose. I imagine that after seven years ofinto their siege, they have grown impatient. and determined to tighten their noose.

    Within an hour of this the news, nearly a third of those we had recruited at Cisra had elected to go home, in some vain hope to liberate their city. Velthur shrugged it off with his usual aplomb: "So the Romans defecated and have taken our flies away from us?" Better they flee now than on the field, he wrote in his tablet. He said that a commander should know as soon as possible which of his men have half their heart in the cause. He should give them every reason to leave early so that what remains will only be men he can rely on. I said perhaps he chased them away with all his hectoring. He thanked me for the compliment. He used to make his men march without baggage trains, carrying everything on rucksacks strapped to their backs and offered hot meals and a feather bed for anyone who quit. He did this even for penestes, men forced by oath and station to fight for him. But Velthur only ever wanted the hardened,. It's not right that and once again I am reminded of the wrong we do him when we call him Velthur the Stammerer. He doesn't stammer. It's a strange condition he has, since the stroke. He thinks he is saying something and hears his words in his mind, but what comes forth from his mouth is babbling nonsense. His ability to comprehend the speech of others is unimpeded, as is his ability to write.

    I asked Velthur to walk with me among Cortuosa's charred ruins. I needed pause to think, and there seemed no better place to contemplate one's possible demise. Within Cortuosa's toppled walls a timid herd of roe trod uncobbled streets, saw us, and leaped on. Birds and hare now lodge in houses unpeopled aside fields uneared. Blackened statues cleaved of volcanic nenfro[Is this a real word? I looked it up on dictionary.com, and could find no entry...], born in the fiery earth, have met fire again. The cockerel cries here no longer. I thought of Arnth, who loved ruins as a boy. He would like to imagine what kind of people lived there, the unsung valor that they might have fought with, not knowing that their lives were but footsteps in the snow. [Lovely phrase!] I myself hate all things that wreak reek of death. But death is a clarifying thing and reminds us that our actions have consequences;. And Cortuosa was the consequence of us Spurinnae. It was because of father that seven years ago, Camillus and his Roman army leveled Cortuosa and Contenebra in reprisal for what father did. Many were bemused to see Metru and Larth leading Tachuna's forces out to Veii's rescue. For over a hundred years, going back to the days of the Tarquin monarchy, the Spurinnae were long considered part of the pro-Roman party, with the Velchae leading the Anti-Roman one. But father's belief in a united Etruria superseded his affinity for the seven-hilled city. I don't blame Camillus, or the Romans, for father's death, as Arnth did. I blame all of our allies who left him to fight alone. Metru and Papa Larth would not have died trying to liberate Veii if the other cities had not abandoned their oaths.

    Father's plan to break the siege was that, oOn his signal, the Veientine garrison would were to open their gates and sally forth,. Meanwhile, and while the Romans were thus occupied Metru's and Larth's men would burn their Romans' empty camp and supplies. That was father's plan to break the siege of Veii. Camillus would retreat home demoralized and face a war-weary public, giving the other Etruscans cities enough time for other cities to send their armies to and reinforce their southern cousinsVeii. Rome would have to respect Etrusci territory. But the recreant King of Veii hid behind his walls, and most of the Romans were still in the camp that morning when Metru and Papa Larth rode in. The Romans chased what remained of the Tarquiniensis army to Cisra, and burned our two southern-most cities. So it is that monarchies like Veii derogate and make shipwrecks of their states. Let the days of kingly Etruria lie in these Cortuosan ruins. [Beautiful phrasing here at the end of this paragraph. Just spot on!]

    I asked Velthur for his honest counsel. Should we change our plans? He wrote that we had little choice but to continue: to stop at Veluzna, then take the Amber Road north toward Siena, telling everyone along the way that we merely intend to guard the northern border against the Ligures, to ensure that this doesn't become a two-front war. The Senones can't know we are coming. Now with an even smaller force, surprise is all the more crucial. From Siena we will cut across the mountains and make for Viesul, where Arnth will likely be heading. It would be a long march, he cautioned. The weather would get worse as the season changed and we climbed the Apennines, with nothing to offer in booty or glory. Velthur warned that I should anticipate more desertions. [I am really unsure about the tensing in this paragraph. You have some in past tense, and some in present, and the present tense stuff is really throwing me off. I can see why you have those bits present tense, and why you might wish them to remain that way, but it is confusing me greatly. Do you think it could all be put in past tense, without that creating a problem for the letter format, or for it being plausible that Avle would write it that way? (I'm not sure myself, which is why I've left a comment rather than suggesting concrete edits)]

    [Some intro/transition would be nice here. Something like "From the crumbling arch of a nearby temple Marce spied..."]Marce spied the two of us talking, and I waved him over. My young nephew doesn't even wear the tebenna yet but, having brought a small army of his own, it was only right for him to be part of our impromptu war council. He thinks he'll write an epic of this war. Tell my sister Velia that her son's going to be a great poet one day, Ramtha. Did you know he wrote a Pindaric Ode in my honor? You should see how he looks up to me. I suspect that, like Arnth, he found a Spurinna to be his second father. The ode was about the time I won the triga race at the Pan-Etrusci Ludi. After it was over, I found my gelding had torn his bow tendon. So, one horse down, the next day I entered the biga race with the remaining two and won that as well. No one had ever won both events in the same games before. It made me something of a legend, and it was years before anyone would let me pay for my own wine. Those days are not likely to come again. I'm now too busy to continue training. A fourth-place showing at the Circus and a broken wrist should tell me it's time to quit with what dignity I have left.

    Oh but that discussionAt any rate, our talk of horses started Velthur on another one of his rants,. Tthis time about my satelles riding war chariots, rather than as mounted cavalry. Velthur thinks scolded that it's was not just folly but hubris., adding "This is not a time for a game of Creice Truials" [I believe this to be an older variation on our own "Greeks and Trojans", where boys of the equites play war on horseback. In the older Etrusci form it was played in two-horse chariots. – G. Sulpicius Peticus] Velthur He then asked me what he thinks I thought dilettantes are were going to do when we find found ourselves in the Gallic Whirlwind. His concern touched me.

    Now Ramtha, in the previous letter I said I would explain this. Papa Larth told me this story when I was little. He said if I was ever to find myself in a Gallic Whirlwind, to run. To remain was suicide. He said that long ago, the Boii had crossed the river Po and began raiding the ager of Felsina. Felsina appealed to the southern cities for aid. Larth was barely old enough to pluck his chin hair. He said you don't expect war chariots in the hills, but that's where they're most deadly. The landscape conceals their sight and sound until its too late. One moment you hear a rumble in the distance, then shapes form as if rising out of the ground itself. Kicking up dust, blowing their hellish horns and screaming like beasts---you don't know until it's too late that you've been encircled. The next moment, you can hardly breathe, you can't see your own spear in your hand, and amidst the thunder of hooves and wheels, it begins raining javelins. One of their chariots got close enough though that he caught sight of it. As the charioteer held the reins, the chariot warrior was dancing, tumbling along the draft pole and back again, slashing men left and right with his giant long sword in one hand and hurling javelins in the other. They locked eyes. A and the warrior smiled at him. He bowed mockingly and sent a javelin whistling passed papa's ear, missing on purpose. This It wasn't war. This It was a cat playing with its kill. Then the chariot warriors dismount, and they're upon you. T the chariots then drivedrivers chasing your cavalry away,. T and there is no one to see your slaughter,. Nno one can to help you. By then, you're already dead. I objected that he saw it, and he was not dead. He laughed. "Aren't you listening, boy? That's because I ran. And you run too."[In this paragraph you again switch between past and present tense. I again see why you do (some of it is Larth recounting what already happened and some of it is your general statements about Gallic Whirlwinds), but it is still a bit jarring and throws me. Maybe see if you can put the whole thing in past tense in some fashion.]

    At this point, I noticed Cneve walking toward us along with a man I hadn't seen before. The companion wore his riding clothes and looked haggard from travel. Before he could speak, I asked Cneve if he had ever heard of a man named Vel Murena. I remembered that he was there with grandfather on that day — the only other one alive to survive the Whirlwind.

    “Of course, macstre.” Cneve replied. “Everyone has. He's the greatest chariot commander who ever lived. He earned the cognomen “Hinthial”: the avenging ghost.[Would he use the term "cognomen" here? I would imagine something more like "They call him "Hinthial", the avenging ghost.", as it sounds less formal and 'bookish' Just a thought though.] He stayed in Felsina when everyone else fled south, still waging a guerrilla war on the Boii to this day.”

    To this day? He couldn't still be alive. He must be in his eighties by now. “Nineties.”, Cneve corrected me.

    “You hear that, uncle?” I said to Velthur. “I was wrong. There actually is someone older than you are.”

    Cneve said a haruspex once told Murena that he would not die until the Gauls are were driven back. I pondered this for a moment, filing it away in my memory for later. I then realized I was rudely ignoring our visitor. Cneve introduced him.

    “Macstre, this man has just arrived bearing a message with Viesul's zilath's seal on it. I can personally vouch for him. I think you should hear what he has to say.”

    I shook his hand and asked what news he brought from the zilath of Viesul.

    “None, macstre.” The rider cleared his throat. “My zilath is with Charun now.” He handed me the message. “Ambushed. A complete rout. He sallied out to meet Brennus. But Brennus met him first. Now Brennus banquets in his hall and Viesul is added to Greater Senonia.”

    Well, if I'm to get ill tidings, it's best it comes all at once. We all turned and silently looked to the western sky to honor the man's passage. But if the message wasn't from him, I asked from whom it came.

    “From the man who has now taken command of Viesul's army...of the entire army of northern Etruria in fact.” The rider handed me the message. “A general arrived soon after the battle, flying the standard of Tarchuna. He wasted no time, rallied what men remained and is now consolidating our numbers and preparing a counter-offensive. I was charged with finding the other Tarquiensis host and delivering this dispatch to his brother.”

    I cracked the seal and opened the dispatch.

    “You already have.”

    Arnth, you damned show-off.



    Author's Note


    As requested, here's the source that was the inspiration for the Gallic Whirlwind. It comes from Caesar's De Bello Gallico 4.33.

    I could have sworn that the blinding cloud of dust produced by the Celtic chariots was mentioned by Caesar, but it's not in the original text. It might have been in Tacitus. I'll have to look again. I always found it fascinating how terrified this hardened legion was of Celtic chariots. The memory would still be fresh in these soldiers' minds of the Mithridatic Wars, where the Roman army famously laughed off Mithridates' scythed chariots. Yet here they were thrown into panic and disarray. It must've been a sight to see.




    Your thoughts on the difference in the Roman's reaction to Gallic chariots as opposed to Pontic ones is interesting. I wonder if it might have something to do with how terrain affected the battles. If the Gallic Whirlwind really was used in mountain passes or hilly regions, that could make it have a much more striking impact (much pun intended ). I can imagine that the battles between Rome and Mithridates were rather more "normal" though, with a clear plain picked out where the armies could clash, and that might have given the Romans enough time to become more inured to the apparent terrors of chariots coming at them, robbing them of some of their psychologyical power. It's just a hypothesis though. What are your thoughts?


    EDIT: I also haven't forgotten your Chapter 3, and will get on it right now! In addition, rep will come your way as soon as I can.
    | Community Creative Writing
    | My Library
    | My Mapping Resources
    | My Nabataean AAR for EBII
    | My Ongoing Creative Writing

  9. #89
    Turkafinwë's Avatar The Sick Baby Jester
    Content Emeritus

    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Belgium
    Posts
    3,802

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated January 11, 2019]

    Concerning developments indeed. Desertion, defeat and the seemingly invincible Brennus advancing further into Etruscan lands.

    I don't know much about chariots but I would think using a chariot in mountainous terrain to be very difficult. All the accounts I've seen of chariots being used in battle was always on flat terrain, then again my knowledge is not very broad on the subject. Now I don't know if the Celts had smaller, more mobile chariots with which they could maneuvre better than the heavy, scythed chariots of the east which were more used to break the formation of an army than anything else. It surely seems that way looking at Caesar's description of their use in the Bello Gallico, using the chariot both as a weapon and as transportation for their ferocious warriors to jump into the battle when the lines were broken. If so that must be a terrifying experience for the enemy and a very effective way of fighting and demoralising them. Especially the Romans who were accustomed to fight in formation rather than one on one.

    I also think Kilo11 is right about the use of terrain being a important factor. In an open plain, where the Romans excelled in fighting, you can try and avoid a chariot charge. In a mountain pass or in the hills, where you mobility is severely hampered, you can only wait for them to crash into you also not forgetting about the psychological effect provided by the element of surprise, as Kilo11 also suggested.

  10. #90
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
    Content Director Patrician Citizen

    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    12,223

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated January 11, 2019]

    That's a very engaging opening line and screenshot! I enjoyed this, including the banter between Avle Spurinna and Velthur about the recruits from Cisra, and the historical references such as the game of Creice Truials. I agree with Kilo11 about the description of the Gallic Whirlwind, it sounds like Papa Larth's advice is sensible!

  11. #91
    Alexander78's Avatar Campidoctor
    Civitate Content Emeritus

    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Location
    USSPC
    Posts
    1,539

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated January 11, 2019]

    Gallic Whirlwind. That's amazing, Skotos. I can't compete with reputable masters in assessments, I'll just enjoy reading.

  12. #92
    Skotos of Sinope's Avatar Macstre Gaposal
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    The Republic of Letters
    Posts
    789

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated January 11, 2019]

    Quote Originally Posted by Alexander78 View Post
    Gallic Whirlwind. That's amazing, Skotos. I can't compete with reputable masters in assessments, I'll just enjoy reading.
    Thanks, dude. By the way, I'm probably going to install re-shade this week so I may hit you up with some questions.


    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    Ah, Skotos, as always you deliver and I find myself once again smiling and worrying after our heroes. I greatly enjoyed this installment, with its little hints of things to come and also with the quite cool description of the "Gallic Whirlwind". Also, you have a Roman character whose second name is "Furious"... that is simply amazing!*
    Yup. Avle is fast and Camillus furious. Dig it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    There were a couple more things in this installment that I have thoughts on, so rather than giving a little breakdown of typos, I'll just contentbox the whole update and comment it inline.
    What heck, dude. The fewer typos, the longer the list gets! Since most of those were stylistic suggestions as opposed to corrections, I'm going to chew on them for a while and see if I want to do any editing later. A lot of them are good points, especially the changing of tenses in certain paragraphs. But here's a few points that should be addressed:

    - The wreak/reek thing (already fixed) is going to haunt me. Like the hoard/horde mistake. Brain farts are the most frustrating errors, because you knew the right answer but yet went with the wrong one. One of the reasons why there are often typos that aren't in my other writing is I'm mentally having to juggle so many things each post (Hitting all the story goals planned in the outline, researching and translating, getting the screen caps, the recap, trying to get a very difficult style and tone right) that some things just get lost in the shuffle, to mix metaphors.

    - Nenfro: So little faith in me, k? If it's not in the dictionary, it must be a typo? But yes, Nenfro was a thing. It was a soft volcanic rock ideal for sculpting. Etruscans went nuts for it, as it's found everywhere in archeological sites. It's mostly there in that passage because I like the dramatic irony in the description of it being “returned to the fire” so to speak.

    - I thought you'd like Avle's anti-monarchy sentiments, you Jacobin you. One interesting character distinction between Avle and Arnth is how differently they came to terms with Metru's death. Often when something traumatic and life-changing happens to us that throws our world upside-down, we go back to our earliest values that formed our world-view to make sense of it. Like someone losing a loved one and becoming a born-again Christan. So for Arnth, it's clearly republican Rome that's to blame. For Avle, it's monarchical Veii. (As mentioned before, Veii's the only Etruscan city that still has a king.) They're never going to see eye-to-eye on that.

    The Velchae still hold to that “warrior aristocracy” ethos that typified the pre-classical mediterranean, when kings personally led Etruscan cities into battle. It's natural to them that, as a result of their high position in society, they should be both expected and willing to sacrifice more and fight for their people even when no one else will. But by the same token, they believe it natural that those who are willing to fight should be the ones to rule. They don't understand this new world of oligarchy, of republic and the multiplication of magistracies and offices. And so ever since the war between the houses, the Velchae have been withdrawing from politics, acknowledging that history has left them behind.

    Oh, and I'll forgive your delay regarding chapter three, but only since you have a matter of life-and-death on your hands.



    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post

    Your thoughts on the difference in the Roman's reaction to Gallic chariots as opposed to Pontic ones is interesting. I wonder if it might have something to do with how terrain affected the battles. If the Gallic Whirlwind really was used in mountain passes or hilly regions, that could make it have a much more striking impact (much pun intended ). I can imagine that the battles between Rome and Mithridates were rather more "normal" though, with a clear plain picked out where the armies could clash, and that might have given the Romans enough time to become more inured to the apparent terrors of chariots coming at them, robbing them of some of their psychologyical power. It's just a hypothesis though. What are your thoughts?
    Quote Originally Posted by Turkafinwë View Post
    I don't know much about chariots but I would think using a chariot in mountainous terrain to be very difficult. All the accounts I've seen of chariots being used in battle was always on flat terrain, then again my knowledge is not very broad on the subject. Now I don't know if the Celts had smaller, more mobile chariots with which they could**better than the heavy, scythed chariots of the east which were more used to break the formation of an army than anything else. It surely seems that way looking at Caesar's description of their use in the Bello Gallico, using the chariot both as a weapon and as transportation for their ferocious warriors to jump into the battle when the lines were broken. If so that must be a terrifying experience for the enemy and a very effective way of fighting and**them. Especially the Romans who were accustomed to***rather than one on one.

    I also think Kilo11 is right about the use of terrain being**factor. In an open plain, where the Romans excelled in fighting, you can try and avoid a chariot charge. In a mountain pass or in the hills, where**mobility is severely hampered, you can only wait for them to crash into you also not forgetting about the psychological effect provided by the element of surprise, as Kilo11 also suggested.
    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    I agree with Kilo11 about the description of the Gallic Whirlwind, it sounds like Papa Larth's advice is sensible!
    Okay, this is going to be a long response, so I'm putting it under spoiler tags. Suffice it to say, you guys are right.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Yup. As to Turk's points about chariots in mountainous terrain, indeed. It's one of the reasons why Boudicca lost her last battle, the terrain was too steep so she couldn't employ her chariots.

    But yeah, one of the great paradoxes in military history is that dry, flat terrain should be ideal for chariots, and yet that's where they first fell out of favor, and their use on the battlefield survived longest in places with hilly, rocky, marshy environments which you'd imagine are the least ideal of places. The reasons for this are complex and would take a thesis-sized text to explain. (Certainly, some of it has to do with the fact that the latter were on the periphery of the 'civilized' world where warfare had been somewhat frozen in time.)

    But essentially, terrain didn't merely effect battles. It effected the very course of evolution of chariot warfare, with a divergence coming about in the bronze age. In flat, desert-like conditions, chariots became ideal 'mobile missile platforms' as you see in the Battle of Kadesh. When chariots needed to fight in other terrain, they switched to horses, alternating between the two. As David W. Anthony pointed out, in the first cavalry they even kept the 'chariot/chariot warrior' system, with two riders, one holding the other's reins as he fired. We see this in Etruscan cavalry, supposedly introduced by the Tarquins and anachronistically described as consisting of a 'knight' and squire'. Eventually through this they discovered horse archers and realized they didn't need chariots at all. But chariots were prestigious and they still wanted to find a use for them. So scythed chariots were an innovation that took what I believe to be a defensive weapon (I believe scythes were originally an 'anti-boarding' measure to keep fast infantry from rushing the chariot box. Battlefield chariots only went like 20 MPH.) into an offensive one. Xenophon credits Cyrus with this, but who knows. There's a recent suggestion that they were created as a “hoplite killer” but that is fatally misconceived. Hoplites were mostly used in rocky, mountainous terrain where scythed chariots were at their worst. This is why neither Darius nor Xerxes brought Persia's scythed chariots with them into Greece. But scythed chariots really aren't that great. Occasionally, they can be brutal. But they're also slow, they're heavy and easily broken, they only do one thing, and they can't do that one thing if you have disciplined troops that can step out of the way. Worse, since there was no chariot warrior, only an unarmed charioteer, if you got stuck or crashed or even slowed down at any point...you were a sitting duck. And as you guys correctly point out, they only worked when you didn't see them coming. (i.e., that's why in the Mithradatic Wars, they worked against Nicomedes but not against Sulla. In the former battle they were kept hidden until the very last second.) Their inflexibility, fragility, and high cost sealed their fate.

    Now, contrast that with much of Europe. There, ground was rarely conducive to use them as reliable archery platforms, so they had to take a different route. As preserved in Homer, chariots became combined personnel carriers/javelin platforms/anti-cavalry weapons that were incredibly flexible in battle. You could transport elite troops to the front (A single chariot could carry six), soften up and terrorize the enemy with javelins that could hit them while the enemy couldn't hit you, you could repulse an enemy cavalry charge (as at the Battle of Sentium), essentially cut off entire sections of the enemy army...the list goes on. Here's something Cookiegod posted in Swaeft's thread on flanking that explains why chariots-as-troop carriers were more effective than you might think:

    Quote Originally Posted by Cookiegod View Post
    *Most battles won by smaller armies are won through defeat in detail, being numerically superior where and when it counts.
    This. Defeat in detail and concentration of force. Make your army, or part of your army, more mobile than the other side...and the effect is the same as multiplying your numbers. It's the way Napoleon won battles with a faster but smaller overall army. It's the same way the Confederates used the railroad to transport smaller forces to quickly meet the numerically superior north wherever they offered battle, until Lincoln figured this out and ordered simultaneous advances on opposite sides of the Confederacy.

    Anyway, the difficult terrain also meant innovations in the chariots and training that made them far more advanced than anything in the Near East. But the Etruscans mostly used chariots derived from Greece and the Near East during the Orientalizing period, which would have struggled against Gallic chariots. This will be Avle's challenge. But as to the original question: Rolling hills=somewhat difficult for chariots but can be good in some ways. (I.e., the afore-mentioned use of hills to mask an approach.) Mountains=always bad. And Italy, ever mountainous, was always better suited for infantry than chariots. The last bastion of Etruscan chariot warfare was the Po valley, where the landscape was perfect. When the Etruscans lost it and were driven south, that's when chariots started to disappear completely. (This is hinted at in the current chapter.)


    Cheers, guys.
    Last edited by Skotos of Sinope; January 15, 2019 at 12:52 PM.

  13. #93

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated January 11, 2019]

    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    Yup. Avle is fast and Camillus furious. Dig it.
    I could kiss you on the mouth for that; loving the unashamed punnery!

    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    What heck, dude. The fewer typos, the longer the list gets! Since most of those were stylistic suggestions as opposed to corrections, I'm going to chew on them for a while and see if I want to do any editing later. A lot of them are good points, especially the changing of tenses in certain paragraphs. But here's a few points that should be addressed:
    Hey, a long drawn-out commentary just shows I was reading carefully

    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    - The wreak/reek thing (already fixed) is going to haunt me. Like the hoard/horde mistake. Brain farts are the most frustrating errors, because you knew the right answer but yet went with the wrong one. One of the reasons why there are often typos that aren't in my other writing is I'm mentally having to juggle so many things each post (Hitting all the story goals planned in the outline, researching and translating, getting the screen caps, the recap, trying to get a very difficult style and tone right) that some things just get lost in the shuffle, to mix metaphors.
    Don't worry about these things Skotos. Finding typos is ultimately the editor's job, and so long as you have only a few in there, there is no real issue. Besides, I can totally understand that your head must already be swimming with all of the historical, linguistic, and other information you're working into the story, not to mention the story elements themselves that must be kept in place. I try my best to have my stuff make use of real historical and linguistic information, but alas there is much less surviving material from the inner desert (and even if there was, it's a hard place for scholars to get to right now). That affords me more time/effort to proof my stuff and get all deep into word-choice and style, but again, only because I have far less historical depth. You keep it up the way you are, and I'll keep working as your editor

    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    - Nenfro: So little faith in me, k? If it's not in the dictionary, it must be a typo? But yes, Nenfro was a thing. It was a soft volcanic rock ideal for sculpting. Etruscans went nuts for it, as it's found everywhere in archeological sites. It's mostly there in that passage because I like the dramatic irony in the description of it being “returned to the fire” so to speak.
    Nice! I like that. I didn't really think it was an error (unless perhaps a spelling error, which would explain why I couldn't find it), but I wanted to know more. Thanks for the added info!

    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    Anti-monarchy, republicanism, and warrior aristocracy stuff
    That is also interesting, and a cool detail to include. These little hints about how the societies are organized can definitely be capitalized on later, especially if you plan on having any intrigue between ruling houses, as the mode of government one leans toward can have a huge impact on those types of relations. I look forward to seeing how Arnth and Avle deal with this difference between them (supposing it comes up; they might well be too busy fighting for the survival of Etruria to even notice...)

    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    Chariot stuff...
    Awesome bag of info here! I'd rep you threefold for this alone, if I could. If you ever find yourself needing more historical stuff like this, or if you just want to chat about such things, I'd highly recommend popping over to the EBII fora! There are a lot of folks over there who are really interested in such things, and also highly knowledgeable and interested in having friendly chats (I know for a fact there are even a number of professional historians who roam those threads).
    | Community Creative Writing
    | My Library
    | My Mapping Resources
    | My Nabataean AAR for EBII
    | My Ongoing Creative Writing

  14. #94
    Campidoctor
    Join Date
    Aug 2018
    Location
    __DIR__
    Posts
    1,874

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated January 11, 2019]

    Av(l)e Skotos, ✋

    so I finally read it. And it's good that I waited so long. I only recently finished playing RotR. I destroyed the Etruscan cities without thinking much about it. Oh how they wailed and suffered. It would've felt weird and a bit bitter when I would've read this AAR first. It felt so nonetheless.
    Tarchuna actually has one of the most dope emblems:
    Doesn't that guy look like Avle? A little bit? To me he does. If not, ok. He's an Etruscan nonetheless. I'm actually a bit envious of him playing two flutes at once. As said, playing RotR would've never been the same.
    Whatever, to your story:

    I don't know if your images or your text is better. If I would be forced to choose, then it would be a more efficient method than waterboarding. I couldn't.
    You have some skills, both as a photoshopper and as a writer. I can't locate any funny anatomy in your pics. If I would not know it, I would not be able to spot that the Quadriga is actually photoshopped with four horses instead of two.

    Your sentences are short and clear; easy to digest. It has a very professional touch. I demand that you publish this story as a book when it is finished. You have what it takes to be a professional Author, given that you're not one already.

    I am joyous that there will be no happy ending. Makes it all the more interesting. We shall see where the story goes from here.

    I found some typos. It isn't much. Just put it in your search. You'll know what's wrong.
    Page 1:
    • wayward rother
    • what would they would do next

    Page 3:
    • The removes his hand


    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    Accompanying Hermocrates was a clerk named Dionysus who was always whispering in Hermocrates' ear. I knew him for a schemer even then, though I could not have guessed how he high he would rise. That clerk is now the Tyrant of Syracuse.
    That must've been Cookies wet moment.

    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    Yeah, looks like I'll need to change that. I thought I remembered 'Italia/Italy' being in common use during the period. I even checked and saw that Thucydides used it in the Peloponnesian War. He refers to “Ἰταλία” (Italia) as a "χώρα”, which in that context is most often translated to mean land or country. But looking at it now, it seems that the term only referred to what we would call southern Italy. I originally didn't want to use regional terms because I don't have a map ready yet and I worried they would be confusing. But it looks like I'm going to have to unless I want to be anachronistic. I'll get around to making that edit this weekend.
    Well, RotR itself has the Region of "Italy" in it. It's the southern Region of the mainland, modern Calabria.
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    It isn't the most accurate map, but it's still helpful here and there.

    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    Another inspiration for the correspondence between Avle and Ramtha was the collected letters between John and Abigail
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 


    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    And now I'm leaving this horrid house a second time, wondering if I will ever see it again, wondering if you will despise me for leaving you in this, the spring of our marriage, wondering if I will have made you both bride and widow within the same year. But I don't think that's my fate. This long letter has clarified something in my mind. If we are the last generation, as you and Arnth think so, then it is our actions in this brief hour that will matter more than any of our people who lived before. This will be the final word on our civilization. So I will mark it down. All of it. I will let no detail escape my notice. I will record everything I see, every mistake I make. This may be the most important thing I have ever done or will ever do. I can feel eyes unsleeping peering back upon me. But I cannot speak to them. My heart is no window to anonymous futurity. When I loose the caged birds of my speech, and release them to the four quadrants of the sky...they all fly to you. It is either you or the cage. There is no other choice. Only the thought of you can overcome my feeble wrist to move my reed, but in writing to you, my voice might carry further. Vouchsafe these letters. Have copies made and secure them at the house of Veltha, so that they will know that this is the oarth-sworn truth affirmed before the gods. I am also including the last letter I received from Arnth, and will send you any more that prove relevant.
    A vmagnificient explanation what is Avle's Motivation to write these letters. Glad you included it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope View Post
    "It's not easy to assay such a man. I've heard from those who've faced him last year in what is now Senonia. I've only seen him once in parlay and twice in battle. I cannot say he is even the same man from one moment to the next: Not content with warring upon us; he wars within himself. He has a mind divorced, and passions duel within his breast, his nature like two scorpions entwined. At once he honors all the customs and laws between the nations, treating ambassadors as honored guests, ransoming men of station rather than executing, and despoiling neither temple nor tomb. And yet this self-same heart compels him to rape and burn. One Brennus is a mercy to foreigners and the other a foreigner to mercy. I believe that if he comes here, he will plant a forest of bones."
    Awesome, Maestro.



    Criticism. Hm.
    1) I find it a bit weird that the Consul is able to translate this mass of text so well.
    2) I am no big fan of stories revolving around mystical artifacts / objects of power. But that's a personal taste.
    3) You also tell a lot of background information in your Author's note. It explains a lot. Which is good. But sad that it hasn't made its way into the story directly ... yet. Maybe you manage to get this into your story too.
    Nothing much else. Go on, go on.

    PS: The length of your chapters is just right. Not too short, not too long. Don't inflate them.

  15. #95
    Skotos of Sinope's Avatar Macstre Gaposal
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    The Republic of Letters
    Posts
    789

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated January 11, 2019]

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    You keep it up the way you are, and I'll keep working as your editor
    This privilege shall be abused.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    I like that. I didn't really think it was an error (unless perhaps a spelling error, which would explain why I couldn't find it)
    I never half airs in my riding.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kilo11 View Post
    Awesome bag of info here! I'd rep you threefold for this alone, if I could. If you ever find yourself needing more historical stuff like this, or if you just want to chat about such things, I'd highly recommend popping over to the EBII fora! There are a lot of folks over there who are really interested in such things, and also highly knowledgeable and interested in having friendly chats (I know for a fact there are even a number of professional historians who roam those threads).
    I think I might, if I get the time. EB has a great reputation. I actually want to go back and play some of the old TWs, now that you mention it. I've heard that Rome Total War has been modded to make the chariots actually engage in historically accurate combat. I don't know what EB II has done in that area. Being a researcher and a historical researcher for two Rome II mods, it gets very depressing once you realize just how limiting the engine is.

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    Av(l)e Skotos, ✋
    Ohhhhhh helllls yeah! Derc is in the house!

    See that, Kilo? I'm not the only one making puns here. BTW, it's funny how you can sing Schubert's Ave Maria but just change the lyrics to “Avle Spurinna”. Not that I do that. (Well, only in the shower...)

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    so I finally read it. And it's good that I waited so long. I only recently finished playing RotR. I destroyed the Etruscan cities without thinking much about it. Oh how they wailed and suffered. It would've felt weird and a bit bitter when I would've read this AAR first. It felt so nonetheless.
    Tarchuna actually has one of the most dope emblems:
    Doesn't that guy look like Avle? A little bit? To me he does. If not, ok. He's an Etruscan nonetheless. I'm actually a bit envious of him playing two flutes at once.
    Really? I actually hated the faction emblem, which is why I haven't used it. Interesting factoid: That instrument, in Greek, is called an aulos. Transliterated into Latin, it's aulus. Avle's name transliterated into Latin is Aulus.

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    It has a very professional touch. I demand that you publish this story as a book when it is finished. You have what it takes to be a professional Author, given that you're not one already.
    Aw shucks. It wasn't my intention to publish but oddly, you're the second person in the last two days to tell me that. I think you're both in cahoots. I'll take the compliment. I do think Avle belongs to TWC, and TWC alone. But...I have been toying with a kind of spin-off set within the mythology of the story, which could be a book. This AAR was partially an exercise in forcing me to commit to write something in prose. My usual wheelhouse is playwriting, and the letter structure pretty much removes the safety net of my usual reliance on dialogue to carry a story.

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    I am joyous that there will be no happy ending. Makes it all the more interesting. We shall see where the story goes from here.
    I'm weird in that I just always feel cheated by conventional 'happily ever after' endings. It doesn't feel like a true conclusion to a story to end just because everyone's having a good day. Seriously, it kinda freaks me out if the ending is too perfect. I get a kind of 'uncanny valley' effect, if that makes any sense. To me, the only happy endings are the ones where everybody dies, where they all go out in a blaze of glory but it wasn't all for nothing. (Yeah, my favorite Star Wars movie is Rogue One. Blasphemy, I know.) I think Oscar Wilde had a quote that went something like, “The comedy of tragedy is that it ends in death. The tragedy of comedy is that it ends in marriage.”

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    I found some typos. It isn't much. Just put it in your search. You'll know what's wrong.
    I swear you guys are making this up! I keep making corrections and you keep finding more typos!

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    That must've been Cookies wet moment.
    What the hell, Kilo wants to kiss me, Cookie's getting wet...since when did my AAR become a snuff film?

    Quote Originally Posted by Derc View Post
    I am no big fan of stories revolving around mystical artifacts / objects of power. But that's a personal taste.
    Well, here's the thing though: whether anything is actually mystical or magical is really up to the reader. If you read closely, there's actually nothing in this story that can't be explained as coincidence, hallucinations, or the power of belief. (At the same time, if you choose to read events as having a supernatural cause or relics having divine power, there's nothing to prove you wrong either.) George R.R. Martin gave an interview recently where he reiterated that his ASoIaF books are based on history, specifically the middle ages. Someone took issue and said there's no magic or dragons in the middle ages. He pointed out that if you asked those living in that period, they would have all said there were. It was real to them. Unless you're doing the third person omniscient point-of-view, your story entirely consists only of what your characters choose to tell you. You don't get the world as it was. You get the world as they saw it. I've called this “non-judgmental magical realism”. Is there any more power in the Kingsblood Quadriga than, say, the Queen of England's sword of state? Maybe. It depends on who's telling the story, and who's reading.
    Last edited by Skotos of Sinope; January 18, 2019 at 10:32 PM.

  16. #96
    Skotos of Sinope's Avatar Macstre Gaposal
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    The Republic of Letters
    Posts
    789

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated January 11, 2019]

    Recap


    The Story So Far:

    The Gauls have invaded Italy. Only Tarchuna---the jewel of Etruria and birthplace of the Roman kings---stands in their way. Arnth Velcha, commander of Tarchuna's armed forces, has led an army to turn the Gallic invasion back---only to find himself both outnumbered and out of communication. His foster brother Avle Spurinna raised an army and rushed to his aid, only to be met with desertion from his own troops and news from Arnth that Viesul---the capital of northern Etruria---has fallen...

    Characters Featured:


    Avle Spurinna: Main protagonist. Half-Roman Zilath (head of government) of Tarchuna. Descendent of the Roman kings on his mother's side and inheritor of the Kingsblood Quadriga. When we first meet him, he's an undisciplined drinker, gambler and chariot racer.








    Arnth Velcha: Brother-in-law and life-long friend of Avle. The Purthsvana or military leader of Tarchuna. Traditional, pious, dutiful, the model of an Etruscan statesman and the polar opposite of Avle. He longs for the halcyon days of the monarchy.








    Velthur the Stammerer: Uncle of Arnth. Patriarch of the Velchae. Honorable and irritable. A recent stroke has robbed him of his ability to speak. Now aide-de-camp to Avle Spurinna.








    Marce Velcha: Son of Arnth and heir to the Velchae. Poet and young idealist.









    Cneve Tetnies: Spy and assassin for the Spurinnae. Swore himself to Avle's service after Brennus took his home city of Sarsina.








    Terms Used:

    Viesul: Roughly modern day Florence.
    Lictor: Office in Etruscan and Roman republics. Holder of a magistrate's fasces.
    Trigarium: Hippodrome, horse race track.
    Hister: Masked actor in a drama.
    Aita: Hades





    Chapter Four – The Amber Road (Part Two)



    Continued from Chapter Four, Part One...

    I waited until we had put a few more leagues behind us before I unleashed more ill tidings. And so when we reached the outskirts of Veluzna two days later, I called Velthur, Marce, and Cneve to my tent to hear Arnth's message. I'd since made Marce my lictor. This will allow him to always be at my side while he's with us.

    “Brother,” I began reading. “I hope this letter finds you, even if it can't persuade you. I told you not to come, and you did not listen. Instead you've brought over two thousand men with you.” I wish it were still that many. “And what of the oath we both swore to our father? What of Tarchuna? Oaths carry men along their lives, as the wind to the square sail. We have no more liberty to forswear a vow than the sailcloth refuse the gust. But if I cannot stop you, I can at least warn you.

    We came upon a hundred men, most of them horsed, from Viesul. I told them they were marching in the wrong direction and asked who held their charge. A man introduced himself as the purthsvana of the city, now in command of its host. They were what remained of Heralds of Usil, the army of Thefarie Tulumnes, Viesul's zilath, who had designs on taking back Sarsina.



    They had avoided the road and instead couched their movements by following along the valley of the Arnus river. In this way they would go around Brennus and retake Sarsina before Brennus caught wind of it. How Brennus could have known they were coming, no one can say. I've heard his spies number as the stars and that he pays well for intelligence.

    They caught the faintest flash of light atop the hill before them. Perhaps the sun glinting off metal, the purthsvana suggested. But that couldn't be. The sky was overcast, with only a few rays of sunlight breaking through. Or perhaps they were camp fires, said another. They seemed to definitely be fires. Tulumnes agreed and ordered the train to halt. That's when the fires began to move...



    Their zilath ordered his men to withdraw. Instead they held fast, looking around at one another. Paralyzed not out of fear, but out of confusion.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 








    Screams erupted as men went up in flames. The smell was sickening. Some had flesh melting off their limbs, making a sizzling sound as fat dripping off of a spit. Smoke billowed and they stumbled in confusion. As their zilath attempted to form them back into ranks, cataracts of stones began falling upon them. Slingers in the wood ahead. Tulumnes shouted to raise their shields for cover as he charged after their skirmishers.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 




    Then shapes as pale as corpses emerged out of the wood.



    The first rank readied their spears...

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 








    As the second rank advanced to reinforce them, suddenly arrow fire began flying from behind them.
    The second rank then turned their shields and ran to give shelter to the peltasts behind them.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 




    Finally, they saw who it was firing upon them. And their hearts sank when they came into view: their own countrymen.



    With their reinforcements gone, the first rank was soon overwhelmed, and their line began to break...

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 




    The second rank did not see the pale swarm charge into their rear.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 








    When Tulumnes returned after taking care of the slingers, he saw his army utterly destroyed.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 




    The purthsvana felt the gaze of someone behind him. He turned, and knew who it was.





    The Gallic king surveyed his art, and found it to his liking. Tulumnes gave his seal ring of office to his purthsvana, and said to give it to the first Etrusci general he met. He then unburdened himself of his cuirass, drew his steel, and stained its edges with the last of his honor.

    They say Brennus only lost ninety men.

    Nearly the entire city garrison had gone out to reinforce Tulumnes. There was no one left in arms behind its walls. Hearing of Brennus's victory, his own adjutant Epidos tried to take Viesul. Brennus chose not to reinforce him, but instead let him die. Likely he thought it useful for Viesul to think they had driven off the Gallic attack, before the true Gallic attack came.

    Reaching Viesul, he stayed out of view. The denizens of the city waited for the hellish roar of the Gallic carnyx. Instead, they heard the Etrusci tuba. And for a moment, they thought they'd been saved.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 




    In the night, no one would know this invading army from their own garrison. When they were within the city, they did not hide, they even carried torches.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 




    And when the invaders had taken all the towers and gates, securing the city for the Gauls, they cheered. And the people of the city sighed in relief and wept, not knowing that they had cried tears of joy for their own conquest.

    The Senones weren't the only ones who suffered from the meager harvest, brother. The smaller vassal towns of Etruria Padana were near famine, their grain having been taken by Sarsina and Viesul to distribute to their people. The purthsvana said that after taking Sarsina, Brennus went to the nearby villages. He lined up the men of fighting age. Most were farmers and small land owners. He showed them his calloused hands and the dirt beneath his fingernails. A translator spoke for him:

    “These fingers like your own, have known the selfsame soil. This belly, like your own, has known the selfsame hunger. Take back your stores, swains of Etruria. With sickle and spear, with pitch fork and axe, take back your stores. Loose the oxen and stretch his leather into shields. Fill your belly and your purse. Take back your stores, and let us break bread together in Viesul.”

    And so they did.

    And thus brother, you have report of our diminished holdings. We will retreat into the mountains. The hour is late. Though only mid-autumn, the winter snows are already starting here. Soon, the snows will make the mountain passes impassable. It will be our fortress walls as we gather our strength and prepare. I've sent riders out in all directions to bring all those dispossessed by the Gauls, and all who may be bold enough to pen the boar. We hope for an offensive soon, but more I cannot say. Avle, if you can reach us, our combined army can attack. If not, we will quarter until spring.

    Do not engage the Senones without me.

    Rasnele.”

    I asked Velthur when the soonest was that we could break camp. We'd make for the Amber Road as quickly as possible. The window to reach Arnth in time was rapidly closing. Velthur stood in silence. I asked if Velthur Velchae was truly withholding his opinion. Someone should note this in the annals.

    Velthur wrote in his tablet that perhaps they should discuss this in the morning. I said that if I had wanted to discuss it, I would have. He paused. Finally he asked if he could speak to me privately. I said all private matters can be discussed privately, but all matters of war will be discussed openly. He nodded, and then wrote that I was making a mistake. We didn't even know where Arnth was. I said that Cneve could find him. Cneve looked hesitant, but replied that if given time, he could find anyone. However, as soon as we moved our army to meet Arnth's we would arouse the attention of the enemy. Thus, we would lead them right to him. I asked Velthur what his alternative was.

    He wrote in his wax tablet, ”If you can go neither backward nor forward, then you wait. Our only advantage over Brennus is that his rashness exceeds our own. At least for now.”

    Can't go forward? I reminded Velthur that only two days ago he urged us on. Despite the Romans taking Cisra and the decrease of our commission, he urged us on. Velthur then wrote, and wrote. I sighed as I knew that I was in for another rant.

    “I taught Arnth all he knows.” he wrote. “Before he even lost his baby teeth, I taught him to never allow his adversary to be the keeper of his calendar. From then on he will always dictate the course of events, while you scurry to and fro trying to react to his latest move. Only act at a time of your choosing. Brennus needs to face unprepared armies who are trying to beat the snow. He wants to draw us out and for us to give battle in haste.”

    Velthur suggested that we should winter in Aritim. He wanted time to train the men properly anyway. I slammed the letter down on the table, surprising even myself. There will be no wintering, I said. I'm not one for displays of anger. But the decision had been made.

    Velthur glared at me, nose to nose. Everyone in the tent watched the two of us. Finally, he wrote in his tablet, handed it to Marce, and stormed out. Marce read it aloud: “Always the gambler, I see. Get you back to the trigarium, Spurinna. Get you back to frittering away what remains of your father's fortune, instead of wagering other men's lives. Aita is a less forgiving collector of debts. As am I.”

    I rubbed me eyes, which grew tired. Marce of course tried to mend the situation. He said he was with me, and in time Velthur would be too. “He doesn't mean it. It's just his manner.” Marce said. No, it was more than that. Velthur trusted Arnth to stay alive more than he trusted me to reach him in time. I was, and am, merely a hister playing the part of a general. Perhaps I did belong back at the track. Perhaps I should leave soldiery to the soldiers.

    Marce said that this wasn't about Velthur and I, but Velthur and Arnth. Velthur was seeking a target for the darts of his own guilt. Velthur was harsh in Arnth's training, Marce said, perhaps more so than he had to be. During the war between the houses, he told Arnth that treacherous Metru and the Spurinnae had not only overthrown their crown but would not be satisfied until they had destroyed their family root and branch. It was up to Arnth to defend the family to the death. Arnth's father could not be a father to him, lest he soften him. He had no one. Velthur's shame is that the first man to ever show Arnth any familial love or kindness, was treacherous Metru. Velthur knows that he should have been Arnth's second father. And if Arnth dies, now he may never get the chance to make it right.

    Velthur might have his conscience soothed knowing that I was no better to Arnth. I wasn't a brother to him when he entered into our house. Not until our father died at Veii did it bring us close enough to call ourselves true brothers.

    But since I can't remain serious for very long, I joked and changed the subject. I told Marce that he would have to take the tebenna sooner than expected. I was giving him command of one third of our host whose former commander headed back to Cisra. Poets sometimes make the best commanders, I said. After all, before Aeschylus was the father of tragedy, he was a distinguished battlefield commander in the Persian wars. Men move other men with words more than iron. He was taken aback, as he should be. We'll recruit at Veluzna. We'll have make up for the desertions, and we're especially lacking in cavalry. We can't face the Gauls without cavalry. And they would be mercenaries. While Veluzna is a vassal city of Tarchuna and would levy troops if I commanded it, we can't wait for weeks while they muster as we did in Cisra. From there, we will take the Amber Road. Marce nodded and began to exit the tent, but I stopped him.

    The “Heralds of Usil”, the name of the army that was ambushed...it was appropriate. It was common for many in norther Etruria to adorn the fronts of their chariots with an image of Usil. I asked Marce if he knew why the god that drove the sun chariot was such a popular divinity in those parts. He shook his head. I asked him if he knew why the Amber Road was associated with Usil. This, he did not know either. After Phaeton, the son of Usil, stole the chariot of the sun from his father, he crashed into the river Po not far from here. It is there that Phaeton's sisters, the Heliades, eternally stand vigil and weep tears of amber, frozen sunlight. This is the road we will take, the road of hubris and tears. I asked him if, hearing that, he wanted to decline the offer of command. He said no. In fact, I had inspired him to write a verse or two about it.

    Don't let that worry you, Ramtha. I'm safer here than I was in Tarchuna. Back there I only had my satelles. Now I'm surrounded by a thousand armed men, all of whom are more schooled in war than I. Still, I hope you'll reproach yourself a little now for all the times you've teased me with the nick name “Phaeton”. I suppose the name is more apt than ever now...

    ...after all, I too have just stolen my father's chariot.

    Continue to Chapter Four, Part Three...

    Author's Notes


    • The Amber Road was essentially akin to the silk road, but running north to south, from central Italy up to modern day Denmark. More can be found here.
    • An example of Usil decorating the fronts of Etruscan chariots can be found in the 1778 reconstruction of the biga di Roma Vecchia and a surviving piece of the cocchio castellani:






    Last edited by Skotos of Sinope; February 22, 2019 at 03:38 PM.

  17. #97

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated January 11, 2019]

    Another great one! And again you've distracted me from my work, and so you are to blame for my being behind schedule In this installment there were a couple things I really liked and that worked really well, in particular the final sequence with the mythology around Phaeton. It sets the tone for things to come very well, and also does a nice job of building the world a bit more. The screenshots were also, as always, just stunning, and perfectly composed for each scene.

    For ease of seeing where the little typos I found were, I've just contentboxed your whole section of text, and then put the things inline as usual. Let me know if any of the things I found don't make sense, or seem incorrect. It was only a few little things here and there anyway though. At any rate, I am definitely looking forward to what comes next, and to seeing how the winter will progress. There is much hanging in the balance now.

    The Amber Road (Part II)


    Chapter Four – The Amber Road (Part Two)

    [image]

    I waited until we had put a few more leagues behind us before I unleashed more ill tidings. And so when we reached the outskirts of Veluzna two days later, I called Velthur, Marce, and Cneve to my tent to hear Arnth's message. I'd since made Marce my lictor. This will allow him to always be at my side while he's with us.

    “Brother,” I began reading. “I hope this letter finds you, even if it can't persuade you. I told you not to come, and you did not listen. Instead you've brought over two thousand men with you.” I wish it were still that many. “And what of the oath we both swore to our father? What of Tarchuna? Oaths carry men along their lives, as the wind to the square sail. We have no more liberty to forswear a vow than the sailcloth refuse the gust. But if I cannot stop you, I can at least warn you.

    We came upon a hundred men, most of them some horsed, from Viesul. I told them they were marching in the wrong direction and asked who held their charge. A man introduced himself as the purthsvana of the city, now in command of its host. They were what remained of Heralds of Usil, the army of Thefarie Tulumnes, Viesul's zilath, who had designs on taking back Sarsina.

    [image]

    They had avoided the road and instead couched their movements by following along the valley of the Arnus river. In this way they would go around Brennus and retake Sarsina before Brennus caught wind of it. How Brennus could have known they were coming, no one can say. I've heard his spies number as the stars and that he pays well for intelligence.

    They caught the faintest flash of light atop the hill before them. Perhaps the sun glinting off metal. But that couldn't be. The sky was overcast, with only a few rays of sunlight breaking through. Were they camp fires? [I see what you're aiming for here, but this type of question seems odd coming from Arnth, given that he's writing about this after the fact, and from what he heard related from someone else. Maybe change it something like "The men from Viesul thought them perhaps campfires, and Tulumnes ordered..."]Tulumnes ordered the train to halt. Then, the fires began to move...

    [image]

    Their zilath ordered his men to withdraw. Instead they held fast, looking around at one another. Paralyzed not out of fear, but out of confusion.

    [image]

    Screams erupted as men went up in flames. The smell was sickening. Some had flesh melting off their limbs, making a sizzling sound as fat dripping off of a spit. Smoke billowed and they stumbled in confusion. As their zilath attempted for to form them back into ranks, cataracts of stones began falling upon them. Slingers in the wood ahead. Tulumnes shouted to raise their shields for cover as he charged after their skirmishers.

    [image]

    Then, shapes as pale as corpses emerged out of the wood.

    [image]

    The first rank readied their spears...

    [image]

    As the second rank of advanced to reinforce them, suddenly arrow fire began flying from behind them.
    The second rank had to then turned their shields and ran to give shelter to the peltasts behind them.

    [image]

    Then Finally they saw who it was firing upon them,. A and their hearts sank when they came into view: their own countrymen.

    [image]

    With their reinforcements gone, the first rank was soon overwhelmed, and their line began to break...

    [image]

    The second rank did not see the pale swarm charge into their rear.

    [image]

    When Tulumnes returned after taking care of the slingers, he saw his army utterly destroyed.

    [image]

    The purthsvana felt the gaze of someone behind themhim. He turned, and knew who it was.

    [image]

    The Gallic king surveyed his art, and found it to his liking. Tulumnes gave his seal, the ring of office, to his purthsvana, and said to give it to the first Etrusci general he met. He then unburdened himself of his cuirass, drew his steel, and stained its edges with the last of his honor. [This is a lovely and tragic sentence. It is beautifully constructed, and captures exceedingly well the weight and sadness of that final moment.]

    They say Brennus only lost ninety men.

    Nearly the entire city garrison had gone out to reinforce Tulumnes. There was no one left in arms behind its walls. Hearing of Brennus's victory, his own adjutant Epidos tried to take Viesul. Brennus chose not to reinforce him, but instead let him die. Likely he thought it useful for Viesul to think they had driven off the Gallic attack, before the true Gallic attack came. [I don't like the repetition here. Maybe consider some slightly different phrase for the second "Gallic attack".]

    Reaching Viesul, he stayed out of view. The denizens of Viesul the doomed city waited for the hellish roar of the Gallic carnyx. Instead, they heard the Etrusci tuba. And for a moment, they thought they'd been saved.

    [image]

    In the night, no one would know this invading army from their own garrison. When they were within the city, they did not hide, they even carried torches.

    [image]

    And when the invaders had taken all the towers and gates, securing the city for the Gauls, they cheered. And the people of the city sighed in relief and wept, not knowing that they had cried tears of joy for their own conquest.

    The Senones weren't the only ones who suffered from the meager harvest, brother. The smaller vassal towns of Etruria Padana were near famine, their grain havingen been taken by Sarsina and Viesul to distribute to their people. The purthsvana said that after taking Sarsina, Brennus went to the nearby villages. He lined up the men of fighting age. Most were farmers and small land owners. He showed them his calloused hands and the dirt beneath his fingernails. A translator spoke for him:

    “These fingers like your own, have known the selfsame soil. This belly, like your own, has known the selfsame hunger. Take back your stores, swains of Etruria. With sickle and spear, with pitch fork and axe, take back your stores. Loose the oxen and stretch his leather into shields. Fill your belly and your purse. Take back your stores, and let us break bread together in Viesul.”

    And so they did.

    And thus brother, your have your report of our diminished holdings. We will retreat into the mountains. The hour is late. Though only mid-autumn, the winter snows are already starting here. Soon, the snows will make the mountain passes impassable. It will be our fortress walls as we gather their our strength and prepare. I've sent riders out in all directions to bring all those dispossessed by the Gauls, and all who may be bold enough to pen the boar. We hope for an offensive soon, but more I cannot say. Avle, if you can reach us, our combined army can attack. If not, we will quarter until spring.

    Do not engage the Senones without me.

    Rasnele.”

    I asked Velthur when the soonest was that we could break camp. We'd make for the Amber Road as quickly as possible. The window to reach Arnth in time was rapidly closing. Velthur stood in silence. I asked if Velthur Velchae was truly withholding his opinion. Someone should note this in the annals.
    [You were missing a line break here.]
    Velthur wrote in his tablet that perhaps they should discuss this in the morning. I said that if I had wanted to discuss it, I would have. He paused. Finally he asked if he could speak to me privately. I said all private matters can be discussed privately, but all matters of war will be discussed openly. He nodded, and then wrote that I was making a mistake. We didn't even know where Arnth was. I said that Cneve could find him. Cneve looked hesitant, but replied that if given time, he could find anyone. However, as soon as we moved our army to meet Arnth's we would arouse the attention of the enemy. Thus, we would lead them right to him. I asked Velthur what his alternative was.

    He wrote in his wax tablet, ”If you can go neither backward nor forward, then you you wait. Our only advantage over Brennus is that his rashness exceeds our own. At least for now.”

    Can't go forward? I reminded Velthur that only two days ago he urged us on. Despite the Romans taking Cisra and the decrease of our commission, he urged us on. Velthur then wrote, and wrote. I sighed as I knew that I was in for another rant.

    “I taught Arnth all he knows.” he wrote. “Before he even lost his baby teeth, I taught him to never allow his adversary to be the keeper of his calendar. From then on he will always dictate the course of events, while you scurry to and fro trying to react to his latest move. Only act at a time of your choosing. Brennus needs to face unprepared armies who are trying to beat the snow. He wants to draw us out and for us to give battle in haste.”

    Velthur suggested that we should winter in Aritim. He wanted time to train the men properly anyway. I slammed the letter down on the table, surprising even myself. There will be no wintering, I said. I'm not one for displays of anger. But the decision had been made.

    Velthur glared at me, nose to nose. Everyone in the tent watched the two of us. Finally, he wrote in his tablet, handed it to Marce, and stormed out. Marce read it aloud: “Always the gambler, I see. Get you back to the trigarium, Spurinna. Get you back to frittering away what remains of your father's fortune, instead of wagering other men's lives. Aita is a less forgiving collector of debts. As am I.”

    I rubbed me eyes, which grew tired. Marce of course tried to mend the situation. He said he was with me, and in time Velthur would be too. “He doesn't mean it. It's just his manner.” Marce said. No,But it was more than that. Velthur trusted Arnth to stay alive more than he trusted me to reach him in time. I was, and am, merely a hister playing the part of a general. Perhaps I did belong back at the track, and should leave soldiery to the soldiers.

    Marce said that this wasn't about Velthur and I, but Velthur and Arnth. Velthur was seeking a target for the darts of his own guilt. Velthur was harsh in Arnth's training, Marce said, perhaps more so than he had to be. During the war between the houses, he told Arnth that treacherous Metru and the Spurinnae had not only overthrown their crown but would not be satisfied until they had destroyed their family, root and branch. It was up to Arnth to defend the family to the death. Arnth's father could not be a father to him, lest he soften him. He had no one. Velthur's shame is that the first man to ever show Arnth any familial love or kindness, was treacherous Metru. Velthur knows that he should have been Arnth's second father. And if Arnth dies, now he may never get the chance to make it right.

    Velthur might have his conscience soothed knowing that I was no better to Arnth. I wasn't a brother to him when he entered into our house. Not until our father died at Veii did it bring us close enough to call ourselves true brothers.

    But since I can't remain serious for very long, I joked and changed the subject. I told Marce that he would have to take the tebenna sooner than expected. I was givingen him command of one third of our host whose former commander headed back to Cisra. Poets sometimes make the best commanders, I said. After all, Aeschylus had distinguished himself in command during the Persian wars,. M and men move other men with words more than iron. He was taken aback, as he should be. We'll recruit at Veluzna. We'll have to make up for the desertions, and we're especially lacking in cavalry. We can't face the Gauls without cavalry. And they would be mercenaries. While Veluzna is a vassal city of Tarchuna and would levy troops if I commanded it, we can't wait for weeks while they muster as we did in Cisra. From there, we will take the Amber Road. Marce nodded and began to exit the tent, but I stopped him.

    The “Heralds of Usil”, the name of the army that was ambushed...it was appropriate. It was common for many in norther Etruria to adorn the fronts of their chariots with an image of Usil. I asked Marce if he knew why the god that drove the sun chariot was such a popular divinity in those parts. He shook his head. I asked him if he knew why the Amber Road was associated with Usil. This, he did not know either. After Phaeton, the son of Usil, stole the chariot of the sun from his father, he crashed into the river Po not far from here. It is there that Phaeton's sisters, the Heliades, eternally stand vigil at that and weep tears of amber, frozen sunlight. This is the road we will take, the road of hubris and tears. I asked him if, hearing that, he wanted to decline the offer of command. He said no. In fact, I had inspired him to write a verse or two about it.

    Don't let that worry you, Ramtha. I'm safer here than I was in Tarchuna. Back there I only had my satelles. Now I'm surrounded by a thousand armed men, all of whom are more schooled in war than I. Still, I hope you'll reproach yourself a little now for all the times you've teased me with the nick name “Phaeton”. I suppose the name is more apt than ever now...

    ...after all, I too have just stolen my father's chariot.

    | Community Creative Writing
    | My Library
    | My Mapping Resources
    | My Nabataean AAR for EBII
    | My Ongoing Creative Writing

  18. #98
    Turkafinwë's Avatar The Sick Baby Jester
    Content Emeritus

    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Belgium
    Posts
    3,802

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated January 23, 2019]

    I couldn't agree more, a great installment with many wonderful screenshots and an ending that is simply superb. I too must say that the part where you write about the story of Phaeton and the Amber road and connecting it to Avle, is my absolute favourite.

    Quote Originally Posted by Skotos of Sinope
    'It is there that Phaeton's sisters, the Heliades, eternally stand vigil and weep tears of amber, frozen sunlight. This is the road we will take, the road of hubris and tears.'
    Absolutely wonderful! Well done!

  19. #99
    Skotos of Sinope's Avatar Macstre Gaposal
    Join Date
    Sep 2017
    Location
    The Republic of Letters
    Posts
    789

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated January 23, 2019]

    Shucks, guys. Kilo, thanks for the corrections as always. I actually came down with an abscessed tooth while I was finishing this one up so I figured there'd be a few mistakes here and there. (I'm surprised it's even coherent, considering how out of it I was.) Glad you two liked the Phaeton reference. It definitely plays a part thematically. There's a reason for the allusion to the myth of Phaeton on Avle's tomb, as mentioned in the prologue. Not to get all pretentious, but my favorite painting is Rubens' The Fall of Phaeton. (My profile picture.)

    Anyway, the post has just been updated to include a couple of author's notes. (I have a feeling I'm really going to regret letting the genie out of the bottle by including these, but if they're popular I'll keep doing them.)

  20. #100
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
    Content Director Patrician Citizen

    Join Date
    Feb 2014
    Location
    United Kingdom
    Posts
    12,223

    Default Re: The Last Chariots of the Tarquins (A Tarchuna RotR AAR) [Updated January 23, 2019]

    Great chapter, I like the way that you showed only what Tulumnes' soldiers could see and know, as they tried to make sense of what looked like camp fires, and then faced what followed. The reaction of the people of Viesul to what happens at their city is well done. The Senones sound terrifying, I can only hope that Spurinna will get the reinforcements he hopes for.

Page 5 of 7 FirstFirst 1234567 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •