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Thread: AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!

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    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Icon5 AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!



    I, Denethor, Steward of Gondor, graciously field questions from you, the people, at so late an hour in this, our dire conflict with the One Enemy. It is my command that you should feel free to ask any question that you desire, with the exception of all those dealing with that...that ranger from the north.

    Some sample questions, models that all should emulate and those which are most pleasing to the Steward:
    * Are two palantiri better than one palantir?
    * How did thou become so noble and wise?
    * Who handles your wardrobe? How is it that you look so good in that black coat with chainmail underneath?
    * What was your proudest moment as a father of Boromir? ...Oh, and of Faramir, of course.

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    Tiro
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    Default Re: AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!

    There is only one Question left to answer: Where was Gondor?

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    Ngugi's Avatar Local Moderator
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    Default Re: AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!

    Noble lord, concerning Rammas Echor, who shall pay for the wall?







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    Veteraan's Avatar TATW Local Moderator
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    Default Re: AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!

    Mighty Steward, where can I buy those obviously wonderful tomatoes?

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    Default Re: AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!

    "Anything"?

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    Saul Tyre's Avatar Ducenarius
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    Default Re: AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!

    Quote Originally Posted by paleologos View Post
    "Anything"?
    My personality is who I am....my attitude depends on who you are....don't confuse
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    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!

    Quote Originally Posted by Morifea View Post
    There is only one Question left to answer: Where was Gondor?
    Protecting herself at all costs, as all realms should if led by those of competence.

    Quote Originally Posted by Ngugi View Post
    Noble lord, concerning Rammas Echor, who shall pay for the wall?
    Our clients and vassals the Rohirrim, who are of questionable loyalty of late and encamped on lands of Calenardhon that once rightfully belonged to Gondor, should shoulder much of this burden, as a token of goodwill to Gondor. The people of Gondor are taxed and exhausted by the raids of the accursed Corsairs of Umbar. What does Rohan know of such things, of such immense struggles? Should they be struck by Saruman of Isengard, these northern horse lords shall soon share in this bitter pain and realize their comforts and privileges that have long been won at the costs of Numenorean lives and Dunedain blood.

    Quote Originally Posted by Veteraan View Post
    Mighty Steward, where can I buy those obviously wonderful tomatoes?
    I have many servants run tither to the best market in the White City, "Isildur's Produce", located just a hundred paces west of the Main Gate of Minas Tirith. It is quite a journey back and forth from there to the Citadel, but the Steward pays his servants handsomely for the task.

    Quote Originally Posted by paleologos View Post
    "Anything"?
    Within reason and with the aforementioned strictures...wherein you shall not dare to mention he who shall not be named. And I speak not of the Ring-maker of Barad-dur, the Nameless Enemy, but for another with a name that shall not be repeated here, one who dwells in the lands of Eriador. His dreams of supplanting me shall remain just that, dreams! Dreams of a ragged ranger who cannot lead, cannot command, cannot judge, cannot discern with wisdom and clarity, and cannot possibly hope to live up to the illustrious name of his ancestors.

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    IrishBlood's Avatar GIVE THEM BLIZZARDS!
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    Default Re: AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!

    Quote Originally Posted by Roma_Victrix View Post


    I, Denethor, Steward of Gondor, graciously field questions from you, the people, at so late an hour in this, our dire conflict with the One Enemy. It is my command that you should feel free to ask any question that you desire, with the exception of all those dealing with that...that ranger from the north.

    Some sample questions, models that all should emulate and those which are most pleasing to the Steward:
    * Are two palantiri better than one palantir?
    * How did thou become so noble and wise?
    * Who handles your wardrobe? How is it that you look so good in that black coat with chainmail underneath?
    * What was your proudest moment as a father of Boromir? ...Oh, and of Faramir, of course.
    Where did I disappear to for the last two years?

  9. #9

    Default Re: [Lotr Jokes and funny stuff] - One does not simply...

    Oh illustrious steward of Gondor, caretaker of the throne of the Kings from N˙menor. What has the palantýr showed you lately?

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    Louis Lux's Avatar Into the Light
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    Default Re: AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!

    Mighty Steward, pray tell, what is thine hair care routine to maintain such lustrous curls?
    Last edited by Louis Lux; July 31, 2018 at 10:05 AM.

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    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!

    Quote Originally Posted by IrishBlood View Post
    Where did I disappear to for the last two years?
    Did thou think the White Tower of Ecthelion was blind to this? I know of what you speak and where you have been, but have been waiting patiently for the opportune moment. I saw you enter the citadel but did not raise alarms, as I wanted you to stand closer to the Steward, ever so close. Shall I reveal? You have been skulking in the lands of Harondor, consorting with the enemy! Guards, seize him! And loosen his tongue. He has much for us to hear.



    Quote Originally Posted by Quintillius View Post
    Oh illustrious steward of Gondor, caretaker of the throne of the Kings from N˙menor. What has the palantýr showed you lately?


    Many things of which I am not at liberty to speak, for the security of the realm, of course. Didst thou think me a fool? The foolish question brings amusement nonetheless. Be content in the knowledge that the palantir has brought low another traitor to Gondor, this foul agent of the Dark Lord, IrishBlood, now in captivity for the safety of the realm.

    Quote Originally Posted by Louis Lux View Post
    Mighty Steward, pray tell, what is thine hair care routine to maintain such lustrous curls?


    You noticed? Nobody notices. Not even my fair wife Finduilas of Dol Amroth took notice (and may she forever rest in peace). For this I shall reward you with garlands and jewels, and you may dine with me for a while at my table. Grapes, anyone?

    In my hot steamed bath, I use the finest oils, of which I have a large storage here in the citadel, and heated iron curlers handled by fair maidens who know their business when it comes to the maintenance of long hair. Some think it natural, but I shall reveal otherwise here, as I'm feeling quite open and generous in this hour. A merry mood must follow the successful capture of a spy in service of the Dark Lord, after all.

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    alreadyded's Avatar Work up a #6 on 'em!
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    Default Re: AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!

    I got one, where did you buy your PC from and who is your internet provider? Or are the Palantir just laptops with wireless internet? Are you using Google maps to spy on people?

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    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!

    Quote Originally Posted by alreadyded View Post
    I got one, where did you buy your PC from and who is your internet provider? Or are the Palantir just laptops with wireless internet? Are you using Google maps to spy on people?
    What is a "Google", or a "laptop", or an "Internet"? Fanciful and exotic words that have never before entered these halls. I dare say you are attempting to play little word games with the Steward. If so, perhaps I shall have you ejected from the Citadel, so that more honest and forthright questions can be brought forth. I have more serious business to attend than talk of such nonsense and childish gibberish. A "google" sounds like one of those confounded toys of yarn Faramir used to make as a toddler.

  14. #14

    Default Re: AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!

    Hail Denethor, son of Ecthelion, lord and Steward of Gondor! How do you feel about your portrayal in the chronicles of Petrus son of Jack, the one with the pictures as opposed to the purely literary Red Book of Westmarch by Tolk... I mean, Bilbo and Frodo Baggins of the Shire?

    I myself think you were greatly misjudged and portrayed wrongly by the son of Jack, curses be upon his line. Even though I did enjoy the pictures a lot, and the songs he got the bards to compose were nothing short a masterpiece, he portrayed you as a selfish, mad bastard and a fool. I on the other hand know you were nothing but - a strong, noble leader, flawed perhaps, plagued by troubles and sorrows, but worthy of respect and sympathy. Pity, at most, but disdain? Never from me, Steward.

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    Ngugi's Avatar Local Moderator
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    Default Re: AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!

    Noble lord, is Pippin guilty of arson?







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    Default Re: AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!

    Hail Denethor! May I ask for permission and a little bit gold to sail westwards in search of the island of N˙menor?

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    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!

    Quote Originally Posted by LittleDwarf View Post
    Hail Denethor, son of Ecthelion, lord and Steward of Gondor! How do you feel about your portrayal in the chronicles of Petrus son of Jack, the one with the pictures as opposed to the purely literary Red Book of Westmarch by Tolk... I mean, Bilbo and Frodo Baggins of the Shire?
    I have consulted with the chroniclers, scholars, librarians, and other learned men of the citadel, and none have found such tomes by this alleged Petrus son of Jack or Tolk...but Bilbo Baggins, yes, we have a copy and a record of his outlandish and fanciful tales. Talk of a ring of power crafted by Sauron, lost long ago by Isildur, is a ludicrous tale at best and it comes as no surprise to the Steward that this fabrication has been spread by a Hobbit, a mere book merchant and snake oil salesman at that. He is of no concern in these halls and enough breath has been spent on his likes.

    I myself think you were greatly misjudged and portrayed wrongly by the son of Jack, curses be upon his line. Even though I did enjoy the pictures a lot, and the songs he got the bards to compose were nothing short a masterpiece, he portrayed you as a selfish, mad bastard and a fool. I on the other hand know you were nothing but - a strong, noble leader, flawed perhaps, plagued by troubles and sorrows, but worthy of respect and sympathy. Pity, at most, but disdain? Never from me, Steward.
    So this Petrus son of Jack has been using moving pictures as propaganda against me, has he? I shall look into this forthwith. Those who defame the name of the Steward defame the good name of Gondor and with it the very fight against evil, the Dark Lord. They may very well be in his service!

    Quote Originally Posted by Ngugi View Post
    Noble lord, is Pippin guilty of arson?
    I have yet to meet this Pippin. Another Hobbit, is he? Arson I have not known among their kind, but thievery and general mischievousness and trickery are their trades. Never trust a Hobbit in your granary or in your fields! Their pockets swell beyond capacity in such instances.

    Quote Originally Posted by Quintillius View Post
    Hail Denethor! May I ask for permission and a little bit gold to sail westwards in search of the island of N˙menor?
    You may travel wherever you wish, but not at the Steward's expense, certainly not for such a foolhardy mission bound for failure. Numenor is lost. Eru Iluvatar saw to it an age ago. It is a fool's errand to seek what is now beneath the waves, or for that matter the forbidden and undying lands of Valinor to the far west, across the Great Sea.

  18. #18

    Default Re: AMA: Hi! I'm Denethor, Steward of Gondor. Ask me anything!

    My great Lord, didn't you hear the mysterious words of alreadyded, speaking of a 'Google' or 'Laptop'. Witchcraft, I say. Ejection from the Citdal won't prevent him from using his spells on folks, who - perhaps are gifted with less intelligence than you, my great lord. This will cause great damage and fear to our people.

    Let me humbly ask you to imprison him and try to retrieve information.

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