So... I've been reading a lot of Badass of the Week. Consider this next entry (another biography) to be a homage to that.
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This week we'll cover one of the most ridiculously stubborn and generally over-the-top military commanders coming from the German Empire: Linhart Ruppel.
By the time the middle of the thirteenth century rolled around, the German Empire was doing pretty snazzily. Albrecht had pretty much dickboxed everyone into submission everyone and everything that didn't see the writing on the blood-spattered wall and become an ally of the Holy Roman Empire, so for once in Europe's history nobody was shanking each other over who got which pointy hat. But one of the pain-in-the-ass parts of being an Empire was having more than one front to fight on, and nothing exemplified this state of affairs than Egypt. While 'minor' in scale compared to the crazy of the Geonese War, it wasn't a ing paradise. The Khwarezmian Empire, a collection of Persians running for their ing lives from the ballsack-crushing forces of the Mongol Horde, took one look at Anatolia and decided they wanted it.
Now, Anatolia wasn't German territory (it belonged to their buddies, the Crusader kingdoms) but it was still enough to imperially piss off Emperor Albrecht once he got the news. He was a little busy setting Geonese on fire at the moment, so he tabled the matter and told the local generals to only start if the Crusaders started losing. They didn't, and so the Persians spent their time getting armies wrecked and staring awkwardly at German patrols on the other side of the border.
In 1234, they worked up the balls to try to extort a German magistrate. The bureacrat demonstrated the superior testicular fortitude of his people by telling them to off.
In 1235, Khwarez forces laid siege to Jerusalem.
They took it in 1238.
This, naturally, was a state of affairs the Germans couldn't tolerate, and so war happened.
Now, the main German forces were in Normandy, educating the French on why it was a bad idea to annoy them, so the task of beating the out of the Khwarez fell to the local generals, some of whom are described elsewhere on this site. Long story short, they were slowing pushing the Person Empire back, including reclaiming the Holy City, when Linhart Ruppel finally stepped onto the scene.
Born in 1229, as best as can be determined he was the son of a minor knightly house who decided riding with hundreds of other angry warrior-men in plate and mail was insufficiently badass, and he enrolled in the College of Generals at Gaza, graduating at 20. A couple years later, he took over an army of heavy cavalry and was given very simple instructions- go forth and wreck . This the young Ruppel did with a vengeance, storming and sacking the fortress of Qarisya in 1255. While the new Emperor, Fritsche, was sermonizing in Mecca, Ruppel was killing Muslims.
In 1265, another Crusade got called, this time on the Khwarez fortress of Mosul. While Fritsche brought the rest of the armies, Linhart decided to go and beat him to it, declaring for the Crusades and laying siege in 1266. He didn't want to risk the lives of his men against the fortress, however, and was reinforced by the Emperor and his gang of religion-pumped knights shortly. The two men struck up a quick friendship, and Fritsche named him the Marshall of the East after finishing the minor business of beating the fort into submission with holy righteousness. He then told Linhart to go beat the out of Baghdad. Linhart agreed, and linked up with a Mongol army (Germany's allies at the time) to surround and slaughter the Khwarez Shah and his army outside the gates of the city.
Linhart took the city without opposition, marching in triumphantly carrying the Imperial Sigil at the head of his army.
Linhart went through his first retirement shortly afterwards, returning to Gaza (which he was granted the lordship of) and perusing the copy of The Art of War he'd picked up in Baghdad. The War of Iberia flared up, and while Linhart requested a transfer to fight the enemies of the Emperor, he was denied largely due to being the only dude in Egypt who had the balls and charisma to lead an army.
In 1276, he un-retired and grabbed everyone he could find to go crush the last of the Khwarez Empire. The Mongols had spent the past thirty or so years beating the out of the former Empire, but Linhart intended to deal the killing blow.
The big obstacle was the mountain fortress of Tblisi, which guarded a major pass through the Georgian mountains, and had the distinction of actually defeating the Mongols. It was damn near invincible, with doubled curtain walls, ballistae-equipped towers, and a garrison commanded by the Shah himself.
Linhart stormed it in a day in 1284 after a lengthy campaign.
Now, usually the Empire handed off the settlement to whoever was the closest ally when the castle or town and the lands it protected we're surrounded, but Linhart looked ahead. He'd seen how the Iberians had started murdering each other once they ran out of Muslims, and didn't much like the fact that the Mongols and the Crusaders were now sharing a border. So he fixed up the fortress, parked his army there, and waited for orders.
Sure enough, the Mongols and the Crusaders went to war in 1287, and a few years later an army of Asia's most hardened badasses tried to attack Tblisi. Linhart was crazy-prepared for this, however, and had secured the love of the locals, who sheltered in the castle rather than doing the usual peasant response to an army, which was usually along the lines of dying.
The Mongols stormed the fortress. They lost almost their entire force, while Linhart's own were almost untouched.
At the turn of the century, 1300, they tried again, with an army twice the size. Linhart sent them running again. This cycle repeated in 1302, 1304 (the Mongols left before fighting, though the captain with an ounce of self-preservation was beheaded), 1308, and 1310. Each and every time, Tblisi weathered the onslaught, and Linhart Ruppel crushed the Invaders, primarily by massing hundreds of spearmen to bottle up the Mongol horse and then crushing them with heavy cavalry. Between hilariously one-sided curbstomps with the walls of his castle as the curb, Ruppel organized the citizenry, recruited every single mercenary he could find, and smuggled in supplies past Mongol territory in the Caspian and Black seas to feed his garrison and bolster his defenses.
While all this was going on, Germany itself had returned to the status quo of beating the out of all and sundry, crushing the Venetians and taking Constantinople, among other things. But there was a minor crisis, as the latest Emperor, Dietrich, had died without an heir.
In 1311, Linhart Ruppel, 82, was extremely surprised to find a messenger offering him the Imperial Crown.
He ordered the man from his sight.
The only orders I received were to hold here, to the last.
Give the thing to a better man- I am a general, nothing more.
The messenger returned to crown Heinrich, a half-Hungarian leper who nonetheless was the closest remaining tie to the House of Josef. By the time he returned, Linhart had died in his sleep. His men mourned his loss.
Tbilisi fell three months later.