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Thread: Battle of Corsica

  1. #1

    Default Battle of Corsica

    This is a SPQR after battle report. It was played on hard difficulty. I'm trying to make the battle out by using different people, for example the general. I haven't tried out this type of writing, so feedback on how I did would be appreciated. I couldn't get any screenshots for this first part, but I'm planning on some in the next part.

    Prologue
    After a swift conquest of Northern Italy, the Roman armies were as confident as ever. Continuous victories led Legio I to fame,while the Legio II, under Gnaeus Cornelius Scipio Asina, prepared for an invasion of the last Etruscan hold -Corsica- with the Classis I. The second legion had heard of the rival legion's success, and the hastati were restless, wanting to make their names as famous as the first's. Opiter Serranus was one of these hastati, and after his father died in a skirmish against the Etruscan League, he was as desperate to spill their blood then anyone else. Opiter was brought into the legions unwillingly by his father, and so had committed many offenses to try and leave the legion, but after his fathers death, he desperately wanted revenge. He climbed the ranks slowly, but was demoted after killing a fellow roman in a duel after being accused of cheating in a gambling game. He just came off guard duty in the legion's camp and was knackered after a huge argument about letting this man inside the camp, which he had lost, and was going to warn the legate about, but wasn't granted access.

    Legate Gnaeus Asina watched as his officers argued across the table about the various risks any dangers of the invasion, about the small size of the navy and the unknown strength of the enemy. He was tired after a day of personal training, and couldn't think straight, but he couldn't let this show, not this close to the attack. His army was as well trained, and as good as the first, just a lack of cavalry. They had already come to an agreement that cavalry would be useless, and so they had been sent to the new Legio III so that they can be supported. in training. He hadn't time to argue, he realized as he forced himself to stay awake. Asina had to finish a speech to inform the men about the time of departure within three days, and it had taken him half a day to do a quarter of it, non stop. He stood up and the officer's voices faded away.
    "Dismissed," he said, watching the officers walk away, still discussing the arguments. Gnaeus shouted for something to write with and on, before sitting again and leaning back on his chair.

    Terius Serranus looked at his fellow triarii, the Legate's Bodyguard. After assisting the trainers with buffing up the hastati, they were all stretching, yawning, and relaxing. After being the first informed of the departure, which was to take place in half a month, Serranus was arguing with his friends about what would be the correct strategy. Interrupting one of his colleagues, he argued about landing in Corsica and raiding the lands until they sallied forth to them, but this was argued against by quite a few of the other triarii, who argued that the roman legions were best on the offense. Before Terius could counter, the sound of someone entering made him glance at the tent's entrance, and a figure in a cloak looked at them in shock.
    One of the younger triarii stood up, "Who are you?"
    The figure turned quickly, fleeing back into the night. Curious, concerned and confused, Terius and three others persuied, matching the cloaked persons speed as they hadn't got there armour on.
    "Hault!" exclaimed Terius as the figure continued running.
    Taking a wrong turn into a dead-end, the cloaked person turned, unsheathed a gladius, and lurched forward, before the veteran Romans could react. However, the triarii drew there own gladii and the one being attacked parried it quickly, countering but missing the attacker. With speed, the person attacked the now unsteady triarii, sending a deep cut from his wrist to his shoulder. Terius attacked the enemy skillfully, hitting his gladius aside after a mixture of feints and extremely fast lunges. With his chest wide open Terius held his gladius at the infiltrator's neck.
    "In the name of the Republic, surrender!" Terius shouted, purposely sending specks of spit on to the enemy. The cloak of the infiltrator fell off, revealing a mans face, full of fear. The man dropped his gladius, raising his hands as the accompanying triarii quickly arrested the man. By now, hastati and Gnaeus himself had arrived at the scene.

    Asina walked forward, still tired and now confused, with his personal boy guards and hastati quickly helped the wounded man to a medic bay. One of the triarii briefly covered the events, and the captured man was taken away into a prison.
    "Get a torturer in, I want to know everything about this man," Gnaeus turned to Serranus, "Good work, I'm proud of you," and then to the crowd that had gathered, "Men, return to your tents! I want the people who were guarding the gates to me and I want the logs of everyone who has been let in to me, on the double!" The crowd left quickly and Gnaeus beckoned for Serranus and the fellow triarii with him to explain the full story as they walked away...

  2. #2
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Battle of Corsica

    A good start, I like the way that you focus on individual characters, adding details such as how the father of Opiter Serranus died. The encounter with the mysterious cloaked intruder is done well. I wonder what the intruder's mission was and what information he will reveal. You asked for feedback; I would find your story easier to read if you used a larger font size. Using the perspective of the Legate works well, too, I like hearing about his worries about the navy, the strength of the enemy and the lack of cavalry.

    [Edit to add] The Writers' Study Yearly Awards 2016 are now open for nominations. Everyone is invited to submit nominations here.
    Last edited by Alwyn; January 15, 2017 at 03:41 AM.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Battle of Corsica

    Chapter 1Departure
    As the sun rose in the port of Consentia, the 1360 strong legion marched through the small city, the inhabitants cheering on the legion as they marched across the busy region. Legate Asina marched with his guard at the front of the columns, keeping his head high, trying to think about the future instead of the very recent past. The winds were perfect, and although the assassination attempt had shaken him, he was content, excited and confident about the campaign ahead. Though there was no topic that could distract him enough not to think about how close he was to death. If that man hadn't entered the wrong tent and had crept into his, his life would be ended. He thanked the gods for his bodyguard, the triarii...

    While he marched along, Terius Serranus glanced across the the man next to him, seeing the bulge made by bandage up his arm. He frowned as he recalled the events that took place just a week ago. Terius had been deep in thought about how badly the campaign could've gone if the infiltrator hadn't been stopped. Not only would they be leaderless, but if the man had escaped, the whole plan would have fallen before it had even started. The Roman fleet was outnumbered greatly by the Etruscan fleet, and if the enemies knew of the time of departure, the Romans would have been slaughtered. Something else was bothering him as well. One of the men who had let the man in while guarding the gate not only had the same surname, but sounded and even looked strangely familiar. After a long and hard think, he came to a conclusion that the hastati was a distant relative, probably a cousin of some cousin of another cousin. It wouldn't be the first time he would have ran into a family member in the army. His family was massive, to the point that he had so many brothers, sisters, step-brothers and step-sisters that he hadn't even met a third of them.

    Opiter Serranus felt his legs burning after the terrible and extremely painful punishment he had received following the `Edge of Defeat` -which was what everyone was calling it. He had become a joke and a mere example of what would happen if mistakes were made. His hands still smelled after the disgusting duties he had been given. Opiter had never been so ashamed of himself...

    The legion marched further through the small port where transport ships and war ships had been built and moved from the port in Neapolis. Flowers were thrown from buildings as the legionnaires waved their goodbyes and stood proudly. A breeze went through the air, heading north-east. Perfect. Finally, the Legio II reached a small shrine to Ares, and in there hundreds said their prayers. Opiter Serranus swore to the gods that he would get revenge. Terius prayed that he would gain enough money after this battle to retire, and that he would leave this battle unscathed. Finally, Asina prayed that he came out victorious from this battle, that he would gain more fame then the first legion, and finally that the men that would die wouldn't go to hell. Something didn't feel right, the Gods didn't seem sure...

    When the ships finally departed, the soldiers of Rome were singing until they couldn't any more. Asina turned to look back at Italia, and a feeling in his gut made him feel like he would never see the beautiful lands there again. He just hoped his gut was wrong.

    Following the grand exit they had made, the second legion's hopes were high, however they had no idea what was waiting for them in Corsica...

  4. #4

    Default Re: Battle of Corsica

    Sorry about the strange fonts and font sizes, for some reason it has come out all weird.

  5. #5
    Caillagh de Bodemloze's Avatar to rede I me delyte
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    Default Re: Battle of Corsica

    Ah, yes. Ignorance (of what awaits them in Corsica) no doubt truly is bliss on this occasion!

    This seems to be going well, Purple Borg. Like Alwyn, I like the way you're focussing on individual characters - I think that's working well for you. I particularly like the way different people pray for different things: revenge, money (and surviving to spend it), and victory (with a thought for those who will die trying to achieve that).

    Don't worry too much about the strange fonts. (You should be able to change them before you post, though. And if you click on "Go Advanced" while you're typing a post, you'll have the option of "Preview Post", which will let you check what your post looks like while you can still change it.)

    If I'm honest, my less-than-perfect eyesight found the tiny font size in your first chapter slightly hard work...






  6. #6
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Battle of Corsica

    I'm intrigued about Terius Serranus' family members in the army and wonder if that will become significant, later on in the story. I particularly like the way that you tell us what each character hopes to get from the battle to come - revenge; money and avoiding injury; victory, fame and a good afterlife for the dead. I wonder if they will get what they are hoping for...

    Your larger fonts work better for me. You will be able to edit your posts when you have a certain number of them (25, if I remember correctly. Shankbot's Unofficial Guide for New Members will probably give you the definite answer.) In the meantime, posting encouraging comments on active AARs and creative writing can be a good way to reach 25 posts. If you add a link to your AAR in your signature, then it also becomes a way to encourage people to read (and comment on) your AAR.

    Another way to increase your post count - and to become better known here as a writer - is to nominate people for the Writers' Study Yearly Awards. Every member of TWC is welcome to submit nominations.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Battle of Corsica

    Great first two chapters! One has to wonder, what awaits them in Corsica? Will some get their revenge, others their money? Or more importantly, will the 'Battle of Corsica' be a victory and how many will have to see the realm of the dead? Looking forward to reading what happens next!

    Meeting family members in the army most likely was not that uncommon, though I always wonder how a soldier reacted when they saw a relative being slain in battle...

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