Contribute an Unit Description for MKTW!

[warman222]

.... why?

[Maroni_The_Bat2]

I have too much time on my hands.
added extra

Levy spearmen: Theyre soo good they'll make your horsemen levytate when dead!
Get it? Cuz Horsemen float sometimes when dead.

[The_Culverin]

Why don't we use M2TW unit descriptions as inspiration?: http://wiki.totalwar.com/w/Units_in_..._II:_Total_War

[Kjertesvein]

Kjertesvein, I did it to some of the georgian unit names in Discord They ended up like this


​Cringe warning

Svan archers/crossbows: So graceful these men were, they truly were the swans of the medieval world.
Mtieli swordsmen: So good these men were, they had their own excecution, the colombian neck mtieli (only funny if you pronounce tie min mtieli as the word tie)
The tadzreuli one you already saw.
Georgian spearmen: They have georgious spears, too bad theyre in your guts.
Aznauri Cavalry: So good they have their own alcoholic drink. (I googled aznauri and got a wine bottle in pictures)
Metsikhovne spearmen: How did I pronounce it again, spearmen?
Monaspa guardsmen: So good guards they'd make the emperor moanaspa.

Also two Nicaean units:
Peltastoi: Peltastoi? More like Peltast-wow!
Mourtatoi: A mourtal blow

Sigh facepalm

xD Perfect.

~Wille

[You_Guess_Who]

God. What have I done?

[Maroni_The_Bat2]

So I did the Danes
Denmark unit descriptions
Bondir units: They might seem like crap, but you really bond with them after a while.
Landeværn units: “I’d kill for Denmark, burn for Denmark, come to think of it, Denmark is a good excuse.”
Huskarle units: Despite their names, these guys do NOT work from home
Bueskytter: Their aim is true they say, only 20% of the time I say.
Langbueskytter: Their arrows hit home, sometimes at least.
Riddere: They’re the armed elite of the Danish army, without arms they’d be useless.
Konungr Valdemar: One of the greatest Danish kings,it's not Sweden but it's alright. (Thanks zsimmortal)
Lansemænd: Their lances are not the only thing that’s long and pointy ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Mounted crossbowmen: Crossbows, horses and men. What more can you ask for?
Heavy Riddere: Even better than their light counterparts, these men have heavy armor as well.
King: Calm down, it’s just a title. He doesn’t gain martial prowess with it.
Herremænd: They’ve taken a break from helping maidens, to kill for their king.
Skjold units: It took them some year to figure shields were worth it.
Stormænd: They are not giants, just men of power.
Hellebarder: They don’t bring hell, they bring hellebarder.
Arkebuser: Contrary to popular belief, they’re guns and are in no way related to Noah.
Noble riddere: It’s true, having “noble” in front makes you more chivalrous.
Mounted herremænd: Like the other gentlemen, but they bring mounts.
Gotland units: “FOR GOTLAND” They said, fighting germans in Denmark.

[Maroni_The_Bat2]

Cumans
Kipchak swordsmen: With a KIP and a CHAK they’ll gut you and take your head.
Militia units: Don’t let their names fool you these guys are more than just militia, they’re also professional fodder
Axemen: “Hello, let me axe you a question.” A little later the man questioned lost his head.
Kozak units: Its Kozak not Cossack, two different things.
Bey archers: It is said these men can make their arrows bey their every wish
Khagan units: Can they do it? Yes, they Khagan.
Horse skirmishers: They do not throw horses, that would be cool thought
Heavy lancers: What sets them out from other lancers? They’re heavy! DUUUH
Light horse archers: They are lighter than the other horse archers, what difference does it make? Not much, just their weight.
Heavy horse archers: They never miss, why? The heavy in front of their name makes that obvious.
Bekh horse archers: Watch out, you might take an arrow to the bekh.
Bekh lancers: Best used if charged in the bekh of enemy units.
Heavy macemen: They continuously amace me with their skills.
Gunners: They will gun you down, if the price is right.
Teteroban cavalry: It is said their helmets are used as lances, and other shady stuff.

Norwegian units:
Riddere: Little known fact, they got their name because they get rid of the enemy.
Knekts: Even thought their name would mean “broken” theyre not. Altought they might be broken inside.
Table men: The Norwegian offshoot knightly order. Men off the round table. Jk, they just ate with the king sometimes.
Candle men: They really light up the battlefield.
Guests: A part of me thought it was a friendlier term for mercenary, apparently, they were assassins.
Hird soldiers: They are not hired, they’re hird. Get your facts in order.
Orkney islanders: They’re orcs! Not really, this is 1212 not LoTR.
Atgeir units: I’ve tried to @geir, he doesn’t reply
Bondir: Check Danish “bondir” description.
King: “I AM THE KING” -Joffrey Baratheon. Sad truth is, most of them were like that, thx Megalomania
Vaepnere units: Commonly confused with Vapers, they might vape but not in the same way.
Landevern: They can land a victory sometimes, SOMETIMES.
Crossbow Oppbud: They can up the quality of other units, by killing them.
Foot riddere: Foot riders, doesn’t really make sense, does it?
Hanse units: HANS! Get ze crossbow, we’re going to war.

[marmalade]

Some of those are so bad they're terrible. I'm all for tongue-in-cheek descriptions but they should be a little more clever than surface-level puns, also being a little informative wouldn't hurt.

[Slytacular]

Yeah, they're a little too cute.

[Commissar Caligula_]

You've got to at least include Leeeeeeeeroy Jenkins for a barbarian Berserker unit if there are any.

[zsimmortal]

You've got to at least include Leeeeeeeeroy Jenkins for a barbarian Berserker unit if there are any.

Honestly, I doubt anyone will top CA's line for berserkers :

"Got my axe, got my mushrooms... AAAARRGGGHHH!!!!!"

[emi]

Since I loved Venice units (and being Italian myself), I would like to propose some descriptions for its units I'm using the units displayed on the 2d Art Preview Thread

Doge of Venice
Short description: "War is but another way of negotiating for a merchant: blood instead of ink and human lives instead of coins"
Long description: "Although more of a symbol than an actual ruler, power mostly residing in the "Maggior Consiglio" (Major Council) of the oldest and most respected merchant families, the Doge of Venice is still the city's most prominent merchant, a man who possesses more money in his pocket than most kings in their treasure chambers, and a charismatic leader: many Doges led personally the fleets and armies of Venice, be it to protect the city from assaults or to secure a new trade route. In battle the Doge is easily recognised for his hat, a symbol of his charge, and surrounded by the most elite of the city's defenders, ready to lay down their lives for the Most Serene Republic of Venice."

Berrovieri (foot and horse)
Short description: "Even if they aren't knights, their horses will still trample enemies under their hooves"
Long description: "The berrovieri are a light cavalry force, mainly used for the protection of communal officers who travelled while performing their duties. In battle they are commonly used for scouting ahead of the main army, and as a flanking force. Although not heavily armed, their horses are fast and resilent, and can easily escape heavy cavalry or hit the rear of an unprepared infantry force. If used as a foot infantry, they are fairly well equipped and trained, being semi-professional soldiers, and can deal a good amount of damage to light and medium troops, but are not expected to resist for long in prolonged combat or against elite forces".

Cavalieri Appiedati (foot knighs)
Short description: "A horse" A horse! A suitable amount of coins for a horse!"
Long description: "Being a Republic, Venice had no notion of nobility by blood as in France or other countries of the time: a man's social stand was given by money and commercial prestige, and many families rose and fell in the "Libro d'oro" (the Golden Book, containing a list of the families allowed a seat in the Maggior Consiglio); also, being mainly an insular and maritime nation, there were few pastures for war horses. As such, the armoured backbone of the Republic's army is composed of rich people who can afford a finely crafted mail or plate armour, but not a horse: they are highly trained and well equipped, and can resist even the heaviest assaults with ease".

Spadaccini (swordsmen)
Short description: "The mainstay of the Republic's land armies, swordsmen are expected to hold the line and kill in the name of Venice"
Long description: "An old motto recited by Venice's elders recited "seed the sea, it will bear better fruits than the earth", and following it the Republic never colonised much land, preferring the control of the major trade routes over far-stretching domains. However, with enemies lurking just the other side of the lagoon, the need for a regular land army arises more than ever, and lines over lines of swordsmen are sent into the fray: trained and equipped taking money from the bottomless coffers of Venice, these men can dispatch the enemies of the Most Serene with ease, and resist heavy assaults for a prolonged time".

Sergenti Lancieri (Spear Sergeants)
Short: "Close the formation! the enemy cannot pass!"
Long: "Sergeant is not a high rank in the army, but it is still the highest rank a poor paesant could reach by himself, the other ranks being reserved for the nobles (in monarchies) or the rich (in republics): as such, these men carry great pride in their appointed position, and with medium armour, large shields and their trusted spears, they can be expected to butcher cavalry with ease, and resist in melee combat for a fair amount of time. They sould not be expected however to resist for long against heavy swordsmen".

Miliziani lancieri
Short: "Loyal citizen oh Venice, courage and money making up for the light training"
Long: "Militias are a common sight in Europe's battlefield, where the mere idea of a standing army was unknown. These men were expected to protect their homes by themselves, and were given little training and equipment, not being expected to do much more than holding off the enemy for a while before dying or fleeing. Italian militias were different, for they were volunteers who trained in certain days of the week, while still having jobs and families of their own, and were equipped by the city (or, in big cities, by their district of birth): as such, they firmly believe in their role of protectors of the city, which they show in painting the city's emblem or patron saint on their shield, and with medium armour and training they are not to be underestimated, though they will probably be slaughtered against professional soldiers"

Balestrieri (Crossbowmen, both militia and professionals)
Short: "A paesant with a crossbow can learn in one week to kill a noble knight: where are justice and honour in all this?"
Long: "A crossbow has shorter range than a bow, but much higher armour penetrations, and is also easier to use: for all these reasons, it is a favoured weapon while dealing with armoured forces, and the protests of the nobility against such a dishonourable waepon are quickly outnumbered by the advantages. In seafaring nations such as Venice it is widely used on shipboard, being more stable and easier to aim than the bow while the boat rocks under the waves.

Arcieri (Bowmen)
Short: "A keen eye and a steady hand can rain death on unsuspecting foes"
Long: "Southern nations such as Venice do not possess the culture of the bow their northern counterpart, like England, cutivate since ancient times. However, bows are easy to produce, and a bow militia can be trained in a short time, should the need for ranged troops arise. A commander should use these archers to unleash volleys of arrows upon the enemy from the distance as a light support, but they will be slaughtered by any coming foe."

Picchieri (pikemen)
Short: "Just like going through a forest full of blackberry, only with blades instead of thorns"
Long: "Since the times of Alexander the Great, pikemen have maintained the same function, which is to slaughter cavalry and present an impregnable wall against anything which may come their way, and they are still deadly efficient in fulfilling it. While the most famous pikemen come from Switzerland and Flanders, and are rightly renowed all across Europe, every nation deploys its own pike companies. A wise commander will deploy pikemen in the center, their sides well protected, for pikemen suffer from flank and rear attacks more than any other troops, and will provide them ranged support against enemy archers, since they don't have shields."

Balestrieri a cavallo (mounted crossbowmen=
Short: "A pale imitation of Eastern Horse archers, but still very dangerous"
Long: "Since the Crusades, when western armies lost many battles and suffered horrendous losses against the deadly eastern horse archers, many nations devised small companies of mounted crossbowmen: these men use a smaller crossbow than their foot counterparts, easier to reload and aim while riding, at the cost of range and penetration. While not as skilled as their infidel counterparts, and despised by the noble knights for their dishonorable way of fighting, mounted crossbowmen serve well their purpose, harassing enemy flanks and slow units from afar, and fleeing as soon as they try to retaliate. They should never be expected to fight in close combat, for they possess neither the training, nor the equipment, nor the guts.

Great Bombard
Short: "One shot can destroy an entire castle, and with it, the very essence of Feudalism".
Long: "The great bombard is a castle's worst nightmare, for its high, thin walls will be mercilessly torn down by the tremendous power of the new sorcery known as black powder. Military architects soon learnt the hard way that thick walls of bricks and earth, while ugly, can resist much better than stone. Few armies could field such powerful machines, for the craft, manpower and organization needed to produce and maintain them were difficult to achieve even for a powerful nation. In this matter Italian city-states, such as Venice and Florence, proved superior, since with their skilled smiths and their bottomless pockets, they could afford the most advanced warmachines: Leonardo da Vinci's diaries and sketchbooks portrait dozens of such weapons, some existing, others mere fantasies, such as multi-barreled cannons, projectiles that exploded in smaller projectiles, and even self-propelled armoured vehicles filled with guns. As if those things could ever exist!"

[Commissar Caligula_]

Since I loved Venice units (and being Italian myself), I would like to propose some descriptions for its units I'm using the units displayed on the 2d Art Preview Thread

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Doge of Venice
Short description: "War is but another way of negotiating for a merchant: blood instead of ink and human lives instead of coins"
Long description: "Although more of a symbol than an actual ruler, power mostly residing in the "Maggior Consiglio" (Major Council) of the oldest and most respected merchant families, the Doge of Venice is still the city's most prominent merchant, a man who possesses more money in his pocket than most kings in their treasure chambers, and a charismatic leader: many Doges led personally the fleets and armies of Venice, be it to protect the city from assaults or to secure a new trade route. In battle the Doge is easily recognised for his hat, a symbol of his charge, and surrounded by the most elite of the city's defenders, ready to lay down their lives for the Most Serene Republic of Venice."

Berrovieri (foot and horse)
Short description: "Even if they aren't knights, their horses will still trample enemies under their hooves"
Long description: "The berrovieri are a light cavalry force, mainly used for the protection of communal officers who travelled while performing their duties. In battle they are commonly used for scouting ahead of the main army, and as a flanking force. Although not heavily armed, their horses are fast and resilent, and can easily escape heavy cavalry or hit the rear of an unprepared infantry force. If used as a foot infantry, they are fairly well equipped and trained, being semi-professional soldiers, and can deal a good amount of damage to light and medium troops, but are not expected to resist for long in prolonged combat or against elite forces".

Cavalieri Appiedati (foot knighs)
Short description: "A horse" A horse! A suitable amount of coins for a horse!"
Long description: "Being a Republic, Venice had no notion of nobility by blood as in France or other countries of the time: a man's social stand was given by money and commercial prestige, and many families rose and fell in the "Libro d'oro" (the Golden Book, containing a list of the families allowed a seat in the Maggior Consiglio); also, being mainly an insular and maritime nation, there were few pastures for war horses. As such, the armoured backbone of the Republic's army is composed of rich people who can afford a finely crafted mail or plate armour, but not a horse: they are highly trained and well equipped, and can resist even the heaviest assaults with ease".

Spadaccini (swordsmen)
Short description: "The mainstay of the Republic's land armies, swordsmen are expected to hold the line and kill in the name of Venice"
Long description: "An old motto recited by Venice's elders recited "seed the sea, it will bear better fruits than the earth", and following it the Republic never colonised much land, preferring the control of the major trade routes over far-stretching domains. However, with enemies lurking just the other side of the lagoon, the need for a regular land army arises more than ever, and lines over lines of swordsmen are sent into the fray: trained and equipped taking money from the bottomless coffers of Venice, these men can dispatch the enemies of the Most Serene with ease, and resist heavy assaults for a prolonged time".

Sergenti Lancieri (Spear Sergeants)
Short: "Close the formation! the enemy cannot pass!"
Long: "Sergeant is not a high rank in the army, but it is still the highest rank a poor paesant could reach by himself, the other ranks being reserved for the nobles (in monarchies) or the rich (in republics): as such, these men carry great pride in their appointed position, and with medium armour, large shields and their trusted spears, they can be expected to butcher cavalry with ease, and resist in melee combat for a fair amount of time. They sould not be expected however to resist for long against heavy swordsmen".

Miliziani lancieri
Short: "Loyal citizen oh Venice, courage and money making up for the light training"
Long: "Militias are a common sight in Europe's battlefield, where the mere idea of a standing army was unknown. These men were expected to protect their homes by themselves, and were given little training and equipment, not being expected to do much more than holding off the enemy for a while before dying or fleeing. Italian militias were different, for they were volunteers who trained in certain days of the week, while still having jobs and families of their own, and were equipped by the city (or, in big cities, by their district of birth): as such, they firmly believe in their role of protectors of the city, which they show in painting the city's emblem or patron saint on their shield, and with medium armour and training they are not to be underestimated, though they will probably be slaughtered against professional soldiers"

Balestrieri (Crossbowmen, both militia and professionals)
Short: "A paesant with a crossbow can learn in one week to kill a noble knight: where are justice and honour in all this?"
Long: "A crossbow has shorter range than a bow, but much higher armour penetrations, and is also easier to use: for all these reasons, it is a favoured weapon while dealing with armoured forces, and the protests of the nobility against such a dishonourable waepon are quickly outnumbered by the advantages. In seafaring nations such as Venice it is widely used on shipboard, being more stable and easier to aim than the bow while the boat rocks under the waves.

Arcieri (Bowmen)
Short: "A keen eye and a steady hand can rain death on unsuspecting foes"
Long: "Southern nations such as Venice do not possess the culture of the bow their northern counterpart, like England, cutivate since ancient times. However, bows are easy to produce, and a bow militia can be trained in a short time, should the need for ranged troops arise. A commander should use these archers to unleash volleys of arrows upon the enemy from the distance as a light support, but they will be slaughtered by any coming foe."

Picchieri (pikemen)
Short: "Just like going through a forest full of blackberry, only with blades instead of thorns"
Long: "Since the times of Alexander the Great, pikemen have maintained the same function, which is to slaughter cavalry and present an impregnable wall against anything which may come their way, and they are still deadly efficient in fulfilling it. While the most famous pikemen come from Switzerland and Flanders, and are rightly renowed all across Europe, every nation deploys its own pike companies. A wise commander will deploy pikemen in the center, their sides well protected, for pikemen suffer from flank and rear attacks more than any other troops, and will provide them ranged support against enemy archers, since they don't have shields."

Balestrieri a cavallo (mounted crossbowmen=
Short: "A pale imitation of Eastern Horse archers, but still very dangerous"
Long: "Since the Crusades, when western armies lost many battles and suffered horrendous losses against the deadly eastern horse archers, many nations devised small companies of mounted crossbowmen: these men use a smaller crossbow than their foot counterparts, easier to reload and aim while riding, at the cost of range and penetration. While not as skilled as their infidel counterparts, and despised by the noble knights for their dishonorable way of fighting, mounted crossbowmen serve well their purpose, harassing enemy flanks and slow units from afar, and fleeing as soon as they try to retaliate. They should never be expected to fight in close combat, for they possess neither the training, nor the equipment, nor the guts.

Great Bombard
Short: "One shot can destroy an entire castle, and with it, the very essence of Feudalism".
Long: "The great bombard is a castle's worst nightmare, for its high, thin walls will be mercilessly torn down by the tremendous power of the new sorcery known as black powder. Military architects soon learnt the hard way that thick walls of bricks and earth, while ugly, can resist much better than stone. Few armies could field such powerful machines, for the craft, manpower and organization needed to produce and maintain them were difficult to achieve even for a powerful nation. In this matter Italian city-states, such as Venice and Florence, proved superior, since with their skilled smiths and their bottomless pockets, they could afford the most advanced warmachines: Leonardo da Vinci's diaries and sketchbooks portrait dozens of such weapons, some existing, others mere fantasies, such as multi-barreled cannons, projectiles that exploded in smaller projectiles, and even self-propelled armoured vehicles filled with guns. As if those things could ever exist!"

emi, you can't actually get long descriptions into the game. Descriptions of that size would be cut off by the screen size, so there's no point making them unless someone wants to create a wiki for the mod (which could be a cool idea).
I do very much like the descriptions though (I'm not on the team or anything btw)

[emi]

I know, but I had so much fun fun doing it that I don't care

[zsimmortal]

emi, you can't actually get long descriptions into the game. Descriptions of that size would be cut off by the screen size, so there's no point making them unless someone wants to create a wiki for the mod (which could be a cool idea).
I do very much like the descriptions though (I'm not on the team or anything btw)

We can still use two or three lines for short descriptions. So it's not like we can't use what he wrote, just going to need to trim it a bit.

[The_Culverin]

Great descriptions for Venice! Nice work.

[bigdaddy1204]

Well lets see what we can do.
Varangoi
Short Description: The elite of elite, armed with a two-handed axe ready to hatch down the enemies of the empire.

Long Description:
Varangoi were formally Russians or Varangianns as they were known at the start. Now they are more Anglo-Saxons than russians, yet they fight with the same fury as ever. These people are armed with a two-handed axe mail armor and a shield on there their backs and are loyal to whoever the emperor is.

Their, not there.

[emi]

We can still use two or three lines for short descriptions. So it's not like we can't use what he wrote, just going to need to trim it a bit.

I would be pleased if my description were to be used in this wonderful mod tell me if you need me to write more descriptions for other Italian faction, or to rewrite some for Venice if you need them shorter or more catching!

[emi]

Great descriptions for Venice! Nice work.

Thank you!

[hessam]

I would be pleased if my description were to be used in this wonderful mod tell me if you need me to write more descriptions for other Italian faction, or to rewrite some for Venice if you need them shorter or more catching!

I agree with Zsimmortal. Some of your short descriptions are really good. Nice mix of descriptive, exclamative, and allusive statements.

"A horse" A horse! A suitable amount of coins for a horse!"

This is my favorite. A nice allusion to Shakespeare plus a reference to Venice's financial position.