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The thread for horrible suggestions - Page 25
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Thread: The thread for horrible suggestions

  1. #481
    Jurand of Cracow's Avatar History and gameplay!
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Completely off-topic, but since the EBII players are so obsessed with historicity I find it right to put here a link to a short article on the historicity in the films. It's horrible, isn't it?

  2. #482

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Jurand of Cracow View Post
    Completely off-topic, but since the EBII players are so obsessed with historicity I find it right to put here a link to a short article on the historicity in the films. It's horrible, isn't it?
    Thanks for getting me started on Netflix's Roman Empire. The first season on Commodus was somewhat inaccurate and in case of conflicting reports among historians, they always went for the more scandalous one. Fair enough, it was still accurate enough to provide an entertaining lesson in history.

    However, the second season on G. Julius Caesar was outrageous. They were actually inventing things and essentially falsifying history. And for no reason at all, because the life of Caesar is one of the most interesting ones there is without any embellishment or fabrication of events. They even had those inserts with academics explaining things, but they were grossly misrepresented by cutting fragments of their interviews in convenient places in order to make it appear as if the academics were speaking in favor of said false history. I only watched the first episode because I did not want my understanding of the history to be tainted with inadvertent memories of their blatant lies. If I was the imperator and the dictator in perpetuum, I would have the responsible people crucified on the hills of Hollywood.

  3. #483
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Septentrionalis View Post
    Thanks for getting me started on Netflix's Roman Empire. The first season on Commodus was somewhat inaccurate and in case of conflicting reports among historians, they always went for the more scandalous one. Fair enough, it was still accurate enough to provide an entertaining lesson in history.

    However, the second season on G. Julius Caesar was outrageous. They were actually inventing things and essentially falsifying history. And for no reason at all, because the life of Caesar is one of the most interesting ones there is without any embellishment or fabrication of events. They even had those inserts with academics explaining things, but they were grossly misrepresented by cutting fragments of their interviews in convenient places in order to make it appear as if the academics were speaking in favor of said false history. I only watched the first episode because I did not want my understanding of the history to be tainted with inadvertent memories of their blatant lies. If I was the imperator and the dictator in perpetuum, I would have the responsible people crucified on the hills of Hollywood.
    Throw them off the Tarpeian Rock!

    I slightly disagree about the first episode. I thought the actor and dialogue they chose for Marcus Aurelius, father of Commodus, were ridiculous all on their own, let alone their portrayal of Commodus or general things about the Roman Empire. I couldn't even finish one episode of the first season, let alone dive into the second season. At least HBO Rome tried to be historically authentic despite using its own fabrications and flexibility to play with the historical narrative. And they got the costumes, armor, and armaments down very accurately, unlike this dumpster fire on Netflix.

  4. #484

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Roma_Victrix View Post
    I slightly disagree about the first episode. I thought the actor and dialogue they chose for Marcus Aurelius, father of Commodus, were ridiculous all on their own, let alone their portrayal of Commodus or general things about the Roman Empire. I couldn't even finish one episode of the first season, let alone dive into the second season.
    I commend you for your critical approach and agree about the choice of actors. Both Aurelius and Commodus could have at least looked remotely like the historical figures did. I have to admit that I generally expect next to nothing of those "historical" dramatizations, and was content with little during the first season. But the second season began by telling us that Caesar was a penniless foot soldier who had enlisted in the army because he had no other choice financially (what?!) and that he bravely walked into the tent of the officers, told them how things should be done and made a good impression with his strategic understanding (say what now?). Then he was supposedly fighting against Spartacus during the revolt (no he didn't) and... I had to stop watching.

    I cannot wrap my head around the idea that someone thinks that this kind of misrepresentation is okay. Is it because the things that they portray happened so long ago that it does not matter? Would it be okay if I directed a series about Nelson Mandela and explained how he was a poor cobbler's son from Netherlands who became a celebrated fighter pilot with the Germans in the Second World War? No. I say on to the Tarpeian Rock. Now. And please give me one series or movie in which the battles are not about single pairs of combatants doing modern swordplay choreography in an open formation.

  5. #485
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Septentrionalis View Post
    I cannot wrap my head around the idea that someone thinks that this kind of misrepresentation is okay. Is it because the things that they portray happened so long ago that it does not matter? Would it be okay if I directed a series about Nelson Mandela and explained how he was a poor cobbler's son from Netherlands who became a celebrated fighter pilot with the Germans in the Second World War? No. I say on to the Tarpeian Rock. Now.
    Indeed.

    And please give me one series or movie in which the battles are not about single pairs of combatants doing modern swordplay choreography in an open formation.
    That's another thing HBO's Rome kinda sorta got right, in that they actually showed soldiers getting into and staying in formation, using a shield wall. They did this in the first battle sequence in Gaul and again during the Battle of Philippi in Macedonia, northern Greece. In fact, in the very first battle the soldier Titus Pullo is even detained and disciplined by his centurion officer Lucius Vorenus for going solo and breaking from formation as a "drunken fool". LOL. That being said, Marcus Junius Brutus has a rather silly death scene at Philippi being surrounded with no support and the first battle in Gaul shows a bunch of disorganized Celts wearing weird, vaguely barbarian outfits and charging at the Romans in a mindless mass, when we know the Celts usually did otherwise.

  6. #486

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Roma_Victrix View Post
    That's another thing HBO's Rome kinda sorta got right, in that they actually showed soldiers getting into and staying in formation, using a shield wall. They did this in the first battle sequence in Gaul and again during the Battle of Philippi in Macedonia, northern Greece. In fact, in the very first battle the soldier Titus Pullo is even detained and disciplined by his centurion officer Lucius Vorenus for going solo and breaking from formation as a "drunken fool".
    HBO's Rome is definitely one of the best ones out there. I even liked how Vorenus and Pullo were pulled out of Caesar's "Commentarii de bello gallico", although their characters and actions in the series were fictional; it was a fine demonstration that the producers of the show were serious about historical accounts. Any HBO series will of course appeal to basest instincts of the audience by including plenty of sex and harsh violence where none or not so much is needed for the story. One of my greatest issues was how easily one could supposedly get away with violent crime such as murder or abducting a member of the nobility from their homes. But properly filtered, Rome delivers a very detailed and lifelike depiction of Roman antiquity as we understand it today.

  7. #487
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Every time you complete construction of an academy, a small pop up video should play showing Plato giving a lecture about humans being featherless bipedal animals, and suddenly it's interrupted by the local Internet troll philosopher Diogenes, holding up a plucked, featherless chicken, shouting:
    "BEHOLD, A MAN!"

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diogenes
    https://www.reddit.com/r/HistoryMeme.../behold_a_man/

  8. #488

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Yes, and please do include a dynamic 'rise of atheism' disaster in the next update, triggered when the bullcock of imperial propaganda and rising standards of living destroys society's faith in the traditional gods

  9. #489

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Roma_Victrix View Post
    Every time you complete construction of an academy, a small pop up video should play showing Plato giving a lecture about humans being featherless bipedal animals, and suddenly it's interrupted by the local Internet troll philosopher Diogenes, holding up a plucked, featherless chicken, shouting:
    "BEHOLD, A MAN!"
    Haha . As something of a fan of Diogenes, I did not remember that at all! On a more serious note, I kind of like it that there is very little in the way of humor but still some. It underlines the comic effect of the occasional Monty Python reference.

  10. #490
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Septentrionalis View Post
    Haha . As something of a fan of Diogenes, I did not remember that at all! On a more serious note, I kind of like it that there is very little in the way of humor but still some. It underlines the comic effect of the occasional Monty Python reference.
    Yeah, the path blocked message shows a funny screenshot of Monty Python's Life of Brian.
    I consider it an honor to be blocked by the People's Front of Judea, but not if it's the Popular Front. Splitters!

    On another note, every time the Roman Republic conducts diplomacy with the Ptolemaic Kingdom in the game, a video scroll should pop up from the scene in HBO's Rome where Caesar shouts "HE WAS A CONSUL OF ROME!" at Ptolemy XIII and the advisers in his royal court.

    RIP Pompey the Great.

    https://i.imgur.com/aOvaQlz.jpg
    https://www.reddit.com/r/RoughRomanM...onsul_of_rome/

  11. #491

  12. #492

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Roma_Victrix View Post
    Carthage needs soccer balls and soccer ball shooting infantry.
    Lolz, now I can never come across general Sakarbaal without thinking of what you just presented . I will be expecting him to roll around on the battlefield, alternating in between holding his face and shin, and expecting the gods to seize the battle and grant him a free kick at the enemy. Yeah, I prefer gridiron football.

  13. #493
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Septentrionalis View Post
    Lolz, now I can never come across general Sakarbaal without thinking of what you just presented . I will be expecting him to roll around on the battlefield, alternating in between holding his face and shin, and expecting the gods to seize the battle and grant him a free kick at the enemy. Yeah, I prefer gridiron football.
    I can tell!

    Another suggestion for the game: any time a Roman army lays siege to the city of Carthage/Qart-Hadast, a long video cut scene of Cato the Elder debating before the Roman Senate about that very issue should suddenly play, and the player shouldn't be allowed to exit the scroll or even pause it until the hour-long rhetorical filibustering speech is done.

  14. #494
    Ἀπολλόδοτος Α΄ ὁ Σωτήρ's Avatar Yeah science!
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Actually that video should play every single turn until Rome conquers Carthage, however when Rome besieges Carthage, another video featuring Scipio Nasica, should play stating that Carthage is the "whetstone of Roman greatness" and that removing Carthage would make Romans lose their only worthy opponent and thus slip into indolence.
    "First get your facts straight, then distort them at your leisure." - Mark Twain

    οὐκ ἦν μὲν ἐγώ, νῦν δ' εἰμί τότε δ' ούκ ἔσομαι, ούδέ μοι μελήσει

  15. #495
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Ἀπολλόδοτος Α΄ ὁ Σωτήρ View Post
    Actually that video should play every single turn until Rome conquers Carthage, however when Rome besieges Carthage, another video featuring Scipio Nasica, should play stating that Carthage is the "whetstone of Roman greatness" and that removing Carthage would make Romans lose their only worthy opponent and thus slip into indolence.
    Yes! Precisely. This guy really knows how to SPQR.

    On top of that, whenever you besiege a settlement like Gergouia or Bibrakte in central Gaul as the Romani faction, a video message should pop up with an hour-long lecture and documentary about Caesar's double set of walls built at Alesia to keep the besieged Gauls of Vercingetorix inside while defending against their massive relief force. And you can't pause this video either, or exit out of the scroll, and there's a pop quiz at the end asking questions. If you get any of them wrong, you have to watch the video all over again.

    Gotta love that double set of walls.

    https://i.imgur.com/hkn19k1.jpg

  16. #496
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Every faction should have a permanent leader throughout the entire campaign, basically yours truly, Roma_Victrix, with my Augustus avatar pic and everything, and the faction heir should also be me, Roma_Victrix, and every once in a while notifications should pop up in your game alerting you about updates I've made to this thread.

    Basically, I'd be an all-powerful, ubiquitously present and obnoxiously intrusive deity-dictator and god-emperor over your gaming experience.

  17. #497
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    All Iberian units should be replaced by all-female units, fighting in the Amazonian warrior style, and with unique faces that resemble those of modern-day supermodels from Spain, like the Spanish model Clara Alonso:


  18. #498

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Roma_Victrix View Post
    All Iberian units should be replaced by all-female units, fighting in the Amazonian warrior style, and with unique faces that resemble those of modern-day supermodels from Spain, like the Spanish model Clara Alonso:

    Why is this a horrible suggestion? You spent far too much time playing Greek factions
    I recommend a pugio rather than a spear, because in close quarters combat, a dagger will serve you better than a spear.

    Rad, 2016.

  19. #499

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    the next patch should bring the gods faction with ufos instead of navy.. aliens from other worlds that inspired humans in various ways and build the pyramids of gizeh

  20. #500

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    I think you guys should take a leaf out of TW:Three Kingdoms' book and include an alternative EBII based on "myths" or historical misconceptions. Brendan Fraser Mummy-style Egyptians, Roman Arcani ninjas, dumbed-down barbarian factions, maybe some sort of giant animated Colossus-style unit for the Greeks, a brand-new Parthian roster inspired by the movie 300, etc.

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