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Thread: The thread for horrible suggestions

  1. #461
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    For all campaign map advice scrolls or buttons, a youthful, teenage, intoxicated and/or high-looking Marcus Aurelius should pop up explaining stuff in Millennial speech, ending every speech by suggesting you can stay healthy by doing yoga exercises, playing frisbee golf, vaping instead of smoking, and eating avocado sandwiches.

    https://i.imgur.com/5BKJGg9m.jpg

  2. #462

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    by suggesting you can stay healthy by doing yoga exercises, playing frisbee golf, vaping instead of smoking, and eating avocado sandwiches.
    Don't forget advocating for a low-carb diet since carbs are POISON!

  3. #463
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Genghis Skahn View Post
    Don't forget advocating for a low-carb diet since carbs are POISON!
    "All you need is kale and baked Brussels sprouts!" --> the message that should pop up in a speech bubble from the mouth of Marcus Aurelius' bust every time you try to build a farm/agriculture in your settlements.

  4. #464

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    ummmm brussel sprouts weren't even around until like the 17th century

  5. #465
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by hlidskjalf View Post
    ummmm brussel sprouts weren't even around until like the 17th century
    BLASPHEMY! HERESY! FAKE NEWS! Brussels sprouts, frisbee golf, vaping, AND avocado sandwiches existed in the Roman Empire as far back as the reign of Augustus. Just Google it! Look it up! I know I haven't.

    https://s.faketrumptweet.com/jpz7f75...9pv_iz5koc.png

  6. #466

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions



    look at this! i unload my army near Sparte because i was afraid of pirate fleets drowning everyone, and this *&%^ing earthquake kills two characters and two thirds of my army! what in the holy %&^$! i feel like i'm playing Age of Mythology and the Greeks just used a god power to punish me for resting my troops on their land.

  7. #467

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by hlidskjalf View Post


    look at this! i unload my army near Sparte because i was afraid of pirate fleets drowning everyone, and this *&%^ing earthquake kills two characters and two thirds of my army! what in the holy %&^$! i feel like i'm playing Age of Mythology and the Greeks just used a god power to punish me for resting my troops on their land.
    It was indeed the Wrath of the Gods

  8. #468
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Clearly, hlidskjalf, you did something in your life to offend the gods. Even worse is the fact that you FAILED to offer them any sacrifice to appease their wrath. Don't tell me you didn't have a spare goat lying around to slaughter at your house on the altar of Poseidon and Zeus? Come on, man, this is kiddie stuff, conquering Greece 101, you should have known!

    Seriously, though, bro, I feel your pain. It just sounds painful what happened to you. Have you considered punishing the game for this transgression? Perhaps the game will learn to fear and respect its master if you whip out the total war shell on the campaign map, do some cheats, and within one turn sack about 10 to 20 enemy cities in a row, destroy all their buildings, and recuperate funds as compensation for the game's naughty behavior. Sometimes the game just needs a spanking so that it remembers that it's not the one in charge.

  9. #469

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    haha. it's actually a pretty exciting event. prepared for almost two years for this great excursion to go and (try) to sack Antioch with my Boii troops on cheap wooden vessels.. and that horrible event put a cork in it. then of course the Suebi attacked me and took my capital right after.

  10. #470

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Delete all your save games in a fit of rage because two of your generals deserted along with their armies.
    I recommend a pugio rather than a spear, because in close quarters combat, a dagger will serve you better than a spear.

    Rad, 2016.

  11. #471

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    How about playing with EBII units in Medieval II castle/citadel models? It's the funniest thing ever!
    I did the experience in DBM where I defended a citadel from an army outnumbering me 4 to 1 and the cannons of the towers just destroyed them, no chance at all
    Plus, it gave me ideas for custom settlements in EBII, defending a settlement where you have more than just one wall set to bypass is a lot more harder and strategically demanding

  12. #472

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Lusitanio View Post
    I did the experience in DBM where I defended a citadel from an army outnumbering me 4 to 1 and the cannons of the towers just destroyed them, no chance at all
    That's how you beat the Mongol invasion in vanilla, buddy!
    I recommend a pugio rather than a spear, because in close quarters combat, a dagger will serve you better than a spear.

    Rad, 2016.

  13. #473

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Rad View Post
    That's how you beat the Mongol invasion in vanilla, buddy!
    I'm glad to know that I wasn't the only one with that cheesy tactic against the Mongols

  14. #474
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Cannon towers aren't enough, though, you guys, not for Golden Horde Mongols in M2TW, certainly not for Seleucids in our own EBII mod. What we need are laser towers and turrets for laser cannons and 50-caliber sized mini-guns that fire rapid laser rounds that incinerate the enemy from hundreds of miles away. Try to siege me now, House of Seleucus!

    On top of that necessary change, we should also make some serious changes to the soundtrack. I've made my own soundtrack music submods before (see my signature), but I think we need to do a total revamp and reconsider things.

    In the first post of this thread I suggested having a schizophrenic mix of smooth light jazz for the campaign map and brutal, crushing death metal for the battle map. However, I think it would be wise to put this into reverse! Or, alternatively, the campaign map should have pounding heavy drums and intense orchestral scores with dramatic operatic Latin-singing choirs, while the battle map should have a barely audible and soft violin playing in the background while you fight your enemies and besiege cities. Maybe a little bit of John Legend on the piano too.

  15. #475

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    We need special effects for wonders. Statue of Zeus should make you capable of calling down the lightning, pyramids will allow you to summon mystical pyramid building aliens with their advanced technology, Stonehenge allows time travel, Collossus can be deployed as ultra-powerful unit, Temple of Artemis instantly builds farms and hugely boosts growth and happiness when activated, Mausoleum ressurects your units, Pharos lighthouse can guide enemy fleets to their doom....

  16. #476
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    [Power Rangers TV theme song kicks in:]

    Go, go, Seven Wonders!
    Go, go, Seven Wonders!
    Go, go, Seven Wonders!
    You mighty, morphing Seven Wonders!


  17. #477

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by Sar1n View Post
    pyramids will allow you to summon mystical pyramid building aliens with their advanced technology
    Shouldn't they be a very advanced form of granary, as Dr. Ben Carson says?

  18. #478
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Quote Originally Posted by myarta View Post
    Shouldn't they be a very advanced form of granary, as Dr. Ben Carson says?
    Per my Mighty Morphin Power Rangers equivocating above, the Seven Wonders should actually be able to combine into one gigantic robot in the lifelike shape of Ben Carson.

  19. #479
    Roma_Victrix's Avatar Gatorade, is it in you?
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    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    I am truly distraught and dismayed and disappointed in EBII. If they were even remotely interested in historical reality, every single soldier and hoplite of the Seleucid Empire should be mounted on an Indian elephant from India, gifted by the Mauryan Empire, which is ruled by a race of half-men half-elephants under their human-animal furry hybrid king: Ashoka.

    https://i.imgur.com/XFV2eRM.jpg

  20. #480

    Default Re: The thread for horrible suggestions

    Don't bring furries into this, Roma. You are going too far!
    I recommend a pugio rather than a spear, because in close quarters combat, a dagger will serve you better than a spear.

    Rad, 2016.

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