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Thread: Assignment 1 - The Mysterious Call (Brian Klems)

  1. #21
    FrostySOTF's Avatar Ice in My Veins
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    Default Re: Assignment 1 - The Mysterious Call (Brian Klems)

    I believe I have graded all assignments that have been submitted to me, if I have not sent you a short response please send me a quick message saying so

    There are a few assignments missing, you guys have 1 hour to turn them in or they are late and nobody wants that

    Also there were grammar errors in many assignments, this is a class to be creative, not a language arts class but if you guys with I can also grade grammatical errors, opinions?

    P.S- this assignment is worth 10 points and nobody has gotten below a 7.5

  2. #22
    Mega Tortas de Bodemloze's Avatar Let's Get After It
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    Default Re: Assignment 1 - The Mysterious Call (Brian Klems)

    Grammar stinks Teach, however it would also be good if the mistakes were pointed out so that most could be avoided in future.
    Last edited by Mega Tortas de Bodemloze; July 06, 2015 at 10:45 AM. Reason: Miss spelled Teacher
    A Lion serves in Winter, then perhaps a Unicorn for the Spring.


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    then the weight of the evidence will still fall in your favor and carry the day

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  3. #23
    DeanE555's Avatar Libertus
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    Default Re: Assignment 1 - The Mysterious Call (Brian Klems)

    I agree with Mega Tortas about pointing out the mistakes. It is very likely that some of the students of this course aren't native English speakers (like me) and most likely will have grammer mistakes quite often so pointing them out can be a huge help (but can also be a pain in the ass for you Mr. Frosty... So I can understand of you decide to avoid it)

  4. #24
    Gluteus_Maximus's Avatar Laetus
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    Default Re: Assignment 1 - The Mysterious Call (Brian Klems)

    I think checking grammar is a good idea, depending on the genre. However, it shouldn't factor very much into the overall grade. At least, that's what I think. Do what you will, sir!

  5. #25
    FrostySOTF's Avatar Ice in My Veins
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    Default Re: Assignment 1 - The Mysterious Call (Brian Klems)

    okay, I shall fix grammer but unless it is absolutely atrocious then it shall not be factored into grading, that will go into effect with assignment #2 which I shall post in the next few minutes

  6. #26

    Default Re: Assignment 1 - The Mysterious Call (Brian Klems)

    Here is my story if anyone is interested.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    The Mysterious Call


    Your phone rings in the middle of the night. An indiscernible voice speaks: “There is a car waiting for you outside your house. Get inside. You don’t want to ignore this.” Your spouse rolls over, eyes squinting, and says, “Everything okay?” What happens next?


    The phone beeped before I had a chance to question the caller. I was left utterly stupefied. My wife prompted me again “Tom, is everything alright?”
    “Yeah of course. Wrong number.” I responded trying to convince myself as much as her. “I am going to get a glass of water.” I added eager to investigate.
    “Okay.” My partner responded sleepily as she turned away.
    I tip toed down the stairs and into the sitting room and peeped out the window. My heart sank. Parked directly across the road from my house was a black mercedes. I had never seen that car in this neighborhood before. The window was rolled down and I could see the dark shape of someone in the driver seat. I could feel the fear engulfing me and I collapsed into an armchair. The whole situation seemed so surreal. So the phone call really had been meant for me. What could this person want from me? I was just an average guy. I had two choices. I could return to my bed and cower beneath my covers but that wouldn't make the problem go away and then they might call to my house and the last thing I wanted was to put my family at risk. The second choice and the one I knew I had to take was to pick myself up, get dressed and confront this mysterious caller. I took a few deep breaths to steady my shacking limbs.

    I walked up to my room with new determination. My wife had already returned to a state of sleep. She looked so sweat and peaceful. I decided it was best not to involve her. She worked so hard between minding the children and helping in the restaurant we owned. The last thing she needed was more worry. I got dressed quietly and slipped out of the room. I suddenly had an urge to look upon my children but I quenched that desire. That was the kind of thing people did in movies when they knew they wouldn’t see them again and I maintained I would be back. This was probably just some kind of joke. I hurried down the stairs and ran outside.

    As soon as I emerged from my house, the car door swung open and a man emerged. He was massive, well over six feet tall with short cropped black hair and a square jaw. He was dressed in a plain black suit and had dark shades on. He looked like the very essence of a gangster. A fresh wave of fear enveloped me. The man looked me up and down as if he was sizing me up. He strolled to the back seat door and yanked it open.
    “Get inside.” The giant said flatly.
    I will not be intimidated by some thug, I told myself. “What is the meaning of all this? What do you want?” I said trying without complete success to keep my voice steady.
    He gestured to the back seat again and said “Its in everyone’s best interest you get in without a struggle.” It was impossible to see what he was thinking behind the sunglasses and his voice remained emotionless.
    “Not until you answer my question!” I insisted adamantly.
    He strolled towards me brimming with confidence and stopped at the gate of the garden. “This is your last warning get in the car now.” He said quietly.
    “And this is your last warning, tell me what you want or I will call the police.” I responded hotly.
    He grinned wickedly at that and kicked open the small wooden gate. He stomped down the garden path. I wanted to run inside but my legs had turned to jelly. I stared helplessly as he approached me.
    “Please don’t hurt me.” I squeaked when he was right in front of me.
    “No one wants to hurt you, Mr Brady. Lets just go for a quick drive.” The thug said mockingly.
    He grabbed my arm and led me towards the car. I wanted to make a break for it or scream for help but terror kept me silent. I meekely allowed myself to be led towards my fate. He shoved me unceremoniously into the back seat and hopped back into the driver seat.

    The car sped off before I had a chance to fasten my seat belt or even sit up straight and I was thrown across the back. We sped around a corner and I went flying across the seats again. The mercedes lurched down the abandoned roads and I thought it was lucky there was no one out or we would have crashed for sure. I eventually triumphed in putting my seat belt on and I was able to look around, even though it was dark I recognized the roads we were traveling down. Suddenly the car sped onto the pavement and only barely skidded to a halt before hitting a tree. I was left thanking my stars that I had survived the journey. The tall man lumbered out of the car again and opened the door for me. It was only as I got out that I realized why the route had been so familiar.

    “This is my restaurant.” I shouted in disbelief.
    The colossal man ignored me and ambled up to the door of my restaurant and pushed it open. “After you.” He sneered.
    “I left that door locked. How did you open it?” I demanded. “What is going on here?”
    He shoved me brutally in and closed the door behind us. The lights were off and it took my eyes a minute to adjust to the dark.
    “Please take a seat.” A deep voice said from the shadows and a dark shape rose up from one of the tables.
    At this stage I had had enough I wasn’t prepared to let these people push me about any longer. “Don’t give me orders in my own restaurant. I am not afraid of you.”
    “Brave words, my friend.” The dark shape responded. “I wasn’t giving you an order, I was merely offering you a seat. My name is Tony Grime and I was just admiring this restaurant.” Tony was wearing a dark trench coat and had a bowler hat which cast a shadow over most of his face. He had short grey hair and seemed to be quiet elderly.
    “You are breaking the law by being on my property.” I roared.
    “This isn’t your property. You only rent it.” Mr Grime responded calmly
    “So what you are still breaking the law by being here.” I persisted.
    “You only rent this property” Tony said again. “and the thing about renting a property from someone is you have to pay them and you have not been doing so. The man who owns this property happens to be a personal friend of mine and I don’t like to see my friends get cheated.” Mr Grime added matter of factly.
    So that was what this was about. The man I rented this restaurant from must have paid this gangster to intimidate me.
    “Maybe I am a little behind in rent payment but business has been slow.” I said slyly.
    “Don’t take me for a fool, Mr Brady.” Tony sighed. “I have seen your bank statements you are making enough money. You are just abusing the legal system to avoid paying the rent. You know my friend doesn’t want to take you to court because the case could take years and it will cost him far more then he can hope to gain.”
    “I am not going to be lectured on morality by some criminal.” I snarled.
    “I am not a criminal, I am more of a vigilante.” Mr Grime chuckled.
    “I don’t care what...” I shouted.
    “I am going to give you until the end of this week to pay all the money you own or else life is going to get very exiting for you and your family, Mr Brady.” Mr Grime interrupted.
    “Wait a minute.” I growled.
    “Everything that needs to be said has been said. It was a pleasure meeting you Mr Brady.” Tony said airily as he strolled out of the room with his assistant following close behind. They got into the car and sped off into the night leaving me alone in the restaurant. I walked into the back room and sat down heavily into the chair at my desk. I thought about my loving wife and my sweet little children. I suddenly realized that I was absently flicking through the pages of the ledger. We were making a lot of money I decided. Maybe it was time I paid back the money I owed. I wasn’t scared of those thugs but I had been meaning to pay that money for a while. I just hadn’t got round to it and I should have time to do it before the end of this week...


    I know someone who has clients who rent a property from him but rarely pay the rent. I am always joking that he should hire some thugs to rough them up a bit. So I decided to write about just such an occasion. The choice of the name Tom Brady was a coincidence. I don't follow American football at all.
    The game.

  7. #27
    Mega Tortas de Bodemloze's Avatar Let's Get After It
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    Default Re: Assignment 1 - The Mysterious Call (Brian Klems)

    Quote Originally Posted by mr_president View Post
    Here is my story if anyone is interested.
    Bravo...very nice.....{and you ended up in your own shop, nice that}
    Thank you for sharing...





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    then the weight of the evidence will still fall in your favor and carry the day

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  8. #28
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Assignment 1 - The Mysterious Call (Brian Klems)

    The Call


    Sometimes telling the truth can get you killed. Before the night when the call came, the evening finished like any other. We watched the news. We checked that the doors were locked. We made sure that our bags were ready, just in case we needed them. We didn’t know that we would need them that night.

    Sometimes, when you have expected something for a long time, the event itself can still take you by surprise. The harsh sound of the phone dragged me out of a dream. Adrenaline rushed through my system, dragging my body and brain to sharp alertness, as my body got ready for fight or flight. The clock showed the time: 3.15 AM. The voice on the phone said, “There is a car waiting for you outside your house. Get inside. You don’t want to ignore this.” My wife rolled over, blinking as I turned on a light. She asked “everything okay?”

    “It was the call. We need to go, now.” I was already getting out of bed.

    “They used the phrase?” she asked.

    “Yeah.” You don’t want to ignore this. This was the phrase which meant that the people urging us to leave our home were not the secret police. This was not a trap. We hoped.

    Soon we were walking out of the door of our home with our bags in our hands. The car was big, old and dirty. It was waiting in a patch of darkness, underneath the street light which had been broken years ago. People in our street refused to pay the bribe which the repair crew had demanded to fix the light, so it remained broken, just another reminder of the corruption in our society. As we got into the car, I noticed a nasty oily odour. This was the sort of car that you would choose if you really didn’t want to stand out. When I saw the size of the car, I wondered if they had chosen a big car so that they could hide us in the back under a rug or something. Instead, the driver and his friend motioned us to sit behind them.

    As we left town, I saw a man in uniform carrying a rifle, waving for our car to stop. A military checkpoint! Several soldiers were searching cars ahead of us. One driver was kneeling on the ground beside his car, his hands behind his head, while a soldier pointed a gun at him. “Look bored,” said the driver, “imagine you do this every day.” The soldier pointed a torch into the car, making us blink in the sudden light. He demanded proof of our identity. My wife and I handed over the passports which we had been given.

    The pictures in the passports were ours, but the names weren’t. The problem with trying to escape is that you need a passport to cross into another country. If you don’t have a passport and if the secret police suspect that you have joined the democratic underground movement, then you’re in danger. If they were suspicious of you before, then their suspicion will increase when you tell them that you want permission to leave the country. Your name will be on the watch-list issued to every military checkpoint and police station. The only practical solution is to obtain a good forgery of a passport. Even then, you’d better be prepared to bribe your way past the checkpoints.

    Carrying a forged passport is dangerous, of course, but not carrying it would be worse. I’ve seen what happens when people try to escape and don’t manage it. A few months after we got married, I remember watching children picking through a waste dump, looking for anything valuable. Then they cried out with shock. They had found a dead body, lying among the rubbish like a broken doll. Some poor man who had not made it. Just from a quick glance, I could see that they had not treated him well, before they killed him. The rumours about what happened in the detention centres were true. After that, I joined the democratic underground. They weren’t hard to find – my wife had joined already. She has always been braver than me.

    The soldier’s question brought me back to the moment like a splash of iced water to my face, “where are you going in the middle of the night?”

    I was ready for this question. “My wife’s mother is sick. She needs medicine. We’re taking her what she needs.”

    The soldier was not satisfied. “Why are you travelling with these men? Are they family members too?”

    That question was a trap. If I had said yes, then they could have interrogated everyone in the car, separately, to see if we gave consistent answers about each other’s birthdays, addresses and other things which family members would know. I did not fall into the trap. “No, they agreed to give us a lift, if we kept an eye out for street gangs who might want to take their car. You know how dangerous the streets are these days.”

    The soldier stared at me for a long moment. It looked like he was reaching a decision. “Alright, move along.” He tapped the roof of the car with the flat of his hand. I thought that my answers had satisfied the soldier. Afterwards, my wife told me that she had seen the driver hand over some money to the soldier, the notes looked like Nigerian naira.

    Soon after we left the checkpoint behind, I heard the thrumming sound of a helicopter’s rotors and saw a searchlight sweeping the streets behind us. “They’re moving in,” observed the driver. “We got out just in time.”

    That night, we took turns to drive. The next day, and for several days after that, we kept on going as long as we could, driving at night and finding somewhere to hide and rest in the daytime. Perhaps the government would close the port – we had to get there before they did that. That night, we slept in a disused warehouse, sharing the unfamiliar space with maybe twenty-five or thirty other people. At least the broken windows provided some ventilation. Seeing how many other people were here startled me. I hadn’t realised how many people were leaving at the same time. I knew that things were bad, but seeing how many people were here, looking tired, frightened and desperate, I realise how bad things had become. When I saw how many people were waiting for the fishing boat, I couldn’t believe it. My wife reached into her bag for the envelope containing a large amount of cash to pay the people smugglers who would take us across the sea. The cash was Nigerian naira, of course – the smugglers would not accept the native currency of our country.

    The boat, like the car we had travelled in, looked large, dirty and worn out. There was a strong odour – the greasy smell of scared and sweaty human beings, packed tightly into a space. More and more people were crammed into the boat. I felt anxious. There was no chance that the secret police would think that this was an innocent fishing expedition. It would be obvious to anyone who saw us that we were trying to escape to safety across the sea. Have you ever caught a bus when you were in a big hurry? You know the feeling, after you get on the bus, when you want it to start moving and it seems to take forever? Getting on the boat was like that. When we finally walked across a rust-streaked metal walkway, onto the fishing boat, I desperately wanted the boat to get moving. Instead, the engine coughed and died. A couple of the crew started fiddling with the engine. I saw streaks of rust on the metal surfaces of the boat. Was this boat going to leave port, let alone reach the other shore? I watched the shore anxiously, expecting the secret police to arrive at any moment. When my wife’s hand slipped into my hand, I felt a moment of peace.

    Our sea journey was long under the relentless summer sun. My wife and I sipped our water and held on tightly to our bags and each other. The boat’s engine seemed to be wheezing and coughing. If the engine failed, would we be left drifting in the middle of the sea? Would anyone look for us? Would anyone care if we were lost?

    I tried to distract myself by thinking about my book about the history of the democratic underground movement. In the book, I tried to work out what had gone wrong with our country. Like every country, our country’s destiny could not avoid being shaped by the choices made by the leaders of other nations. The decision that doomed us, I argued, was the choice by Stalin and Hitler to keep to the terms of the Nazi-Soviet Pact. Historians had found evidence of plans for Hitler’s armies to invade Soviet Russia. If the Nazis had done that, they would have been at war with Soviet Russia as well as Britain and the United States. It had been a historian who had urged the Nazi leaders to learn from the mistakes of Napoleon and Germany’s leaders in the First World War: even a powerful European empire could not win a war on two fronts. If only that historian’s message had not been heard, how different our history could have been! Perhaps the democratic nations might have won the Second World War. If only they had!

    After the defeat of the democracies of Europe, the resistance fighters in France, Spain and Britain became the democratic underground movement. The underground had high hopes, at first. There were democratic resistance movements in Germany and Italy, too, of course. You probably know about their attempt to assassinate Hitler and his top leaders in 1944, the July bomb plot. The movement hoped for help from America, but the United States was fighting its own two-front war, to prevent invasions from the sea by Japan and Germany. If America had fallen, I think our movement would have lost all hope. Even with America still free, the hopes of the democratic underground in Europe were harder to sustain, as the years went on. From time to time, there were uprisings – in the 1960s, after the American civil rights movement inspired Europeans to rise up, in 1989 when people tried to overthrow the governments of Soviet-dominated countries in Eastern Europe and in 2011, when the last dictatorships in Africa were overthrown in the Arab Spring. Each uprising caused a wave of hope, which crashed down when the dictators of Europe responded with relentless brutality.

    After decades of struggle, and the disappearance, torture and death of many, too many of us, people were desperate to get away from the brutal regimes governing European nations. We hoped to find sanctuary in the thriving democracies of Africa. After the defeat of the European democracies, the African nations had banded together with countries in the Americas and Asia to form the United Nations Treaty Organisation. The doctrine of the UNTO was that an attack on any nation was an attack in them all. Even the ruthless leaders of the fascist and communist regimes in Europe did not dare to attack the UNTO. Occasionally Europeans could get a glimpse of life in UNTO countries through their TV broadcasts. We cheered when we saw images of joint military exercises by troops from the Americas, Africa and Asia, as they demonstrated their determination to repel any attack from Europe. We envied their liberty and their prosperity, after the huge success of the Marshall Plan in the late 1940s, when the United States gave $13 billion to help the emerging democracies in Africa and Asia. $13 billion in the 1940s would be worth a lot more now, of course. Meanwhile, the economies of European nations withered under fascist and communist rule, as corruption spread and hope for a better future faded away.

    Even as we escaped, we had no illusions about the reception we were likely to receive. Many of the political leaders in African democracies were anxious about the costs of accepting waves of migrants. Some African leaders called for their warships to be sent to rescue us. But other politicians said that we should be left to drown, because helping us would only encourage more of us to swarm Africa. That’s the word they used - ‘swarm’ – as if we were a cloud of locusts! Some of them even said that they should use their warships to forcibly return us to the shores of Europe, so that they would not be burdened by us. As the engine on the rusty, overcrowded fishing boat coughed and stuttered, I held my wife’s hand and silently said a prayer. I thought about the risk which I had run by writing my book, which had made me into a target for the secret police. Sometimes telling the truth can get you killed.

    Last edited by Alwyn; July 17, 2015 at 03:04 AM.

  9. #29
    Gluteus_Maximus's Avatar Laetus
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    Default Re: Assignment 1 - The Mysterious Call (Brian Klems)

    Nice bro! Alternate history...I love that stuff! I also like the ending...turning the tables with regards to immigration...gives you stuff to think about.

  10. #30
    Gluteus_Maximus's Avatar Laetus
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    Default Re: Assignment 1 - The Mysterious Call (Brian Klems)

    So here is mine. It's very short as I rushed it in at the last minute. I would definitely like to expand this story if anyone thinks it's half decent. Please let me know!

    As far as inspiration, I drew some writing style ideas from modernism & postmodernism...I read The Sound and the Fury and Beloved recently, so that's that. I also took some inspiration from Mexican author Juan Rulfo, specifically the short story No oyes ladrar los perros (roughly You Don't Hear the Dogs Barking [yes, titles sound lame when translated, I know]) which uses almost cinematic elements to slowly reveal certain things in the story without directly saying it. For example, the streetlights reveal a glistening face...just imagine it playing out in a well directed movie.

    Anyway, let me know what you folks think.
    Also I don't know how to insert my story as a spoiler so any help would be appreciated!

    The Life We Lead

    BRRRING! BRRRRING!
    Sighing, yawning, and groaning, he untangled himself from the covers, flopping about like an exotic dancer. Practically rolling out of bed, he was able to steady himself and walk towards the squawking nuisance. He angrily grabbed the phone and sharply said, “Hello!?”
    The pale light of the moon illuminated his hands as they were transformed from limp appendages to bursting with fervent energy, sliding across the tabletop and coming to a rest upon the edges, gripping them with uncanny strength. In the silence that followed, a fatigued voice called out, “Who’s it? Ever’thing ’kay?”
    For a few moments, there was yet more silence. Then the man replied, “It’s fine. There’s been a break-in at the facility. I need to talk to the police there.”
    “Mmmmiddle uh the night…?” she asked.
    “Yes. I’m sorry.”
    Through the window, he could see the glint of the chrome finish. A slight movement, a shapeless mass of black amidst the great darkness. They would not wait long for him.
    In front of him lay the curved figure of perfection, the mold of an angel. The sweet fragrance of wildflowers and the warmth. Such great warmth! Warmth he could sink into forever…
    “I love you.”
    Without waiting for an answer, he quickly left the room. A quick glance at the watch. He had seconds. He had already wasted too much time.
    With practiced precision, he opened the ventilation panel and removed the bag. Unzip, check –
    A beaming smile, and it said it was all right, that everything would work out and that life
    No thoughts now. Only actions!
    It was full, and he had three more for backup. He had cleaned it every week, but had never once suspected he would need it. How could this happen?
    And everything else. There. This is all he could have for a while. Maybe forever. Please not forever. Please.
    The golden rays of sunlight splashing upon the face, smiling, always smiling, and the wind gently rustling the soft grass, back…and forth…and back…
    Precision. Robot precision! Move!
    CLICK. Loaded. Out the door. Back seat. Clunk.
    The car accelerated soundlessly. The friendly streets faded away. He did not look back.
    “You took a while,” said the man next to him.
    “I had things to take care of,” he replied. The streetlights flashed across his glistening face.
    “What did we tell you? No connections. Especially not this type.”
    A man in the front leaned back. “Hey. Johnny. Shut the up a minute, will ya?”
    The lights grew fainter. Fewer streetlights. Fewer cars. They were leaving the city.
    Finally, the man in the front spoke up. “in’ DJ. He was the one who in’ did it. We had a good thing goin’.”
    He had to ask. “So how long we off the radar?”
    “I’m sorry, brotha. I’m sorry. But we’re finished for good.”
    As the car ascended the steep slope, and the brush thickened, and the sky blackened, the infinite whirling abyss above him opened up and swallowed him, and he lost himself among it, deep deep into the blackness. He was gone. He would never come back.
    He did not look back.

  11. #31

    Default Re: Assignment 1 - The Mysterious Call (Brian Klems)

    Here's my entry. The trick is the end...

    There is a car waiting for you outside your house. Get inside. You don’t want to ignore this.” Your spouse rolls over, eyes squinting, and says, “Everything okay?

    I smile and say, "Yes honey, now go back to sleep." She stares closely and says "You're a terrible liar. So out with it."

    I lean over and kiss her softly, and say "I have to go into the office.I will be back as soon as I can."

    She responds to my kiss, her fingers tracing my chest down to my waist, and whispers playfully in my ear, "See? Wasn't that so hard?"

    I grin sheepishly, as I get out of bed and get dressed. I walk over and kiss her again, "I love you. You know that."

    "Yes, I do too." She says as she sees me getting my pants on, "Now pick me up something nice from the store!" she laughs.

    I walk down the stairs, thinking how lucky I am that I married her. I head to the closet and open the back of it. A false wall and pull out a case, and get my long coat.

    Inside the case is a pistol in its holster, and a wireless headset.

    I put the headset on, and tap it to transmit. "Line is secure. Be out in 5 minutes."
    "Yes Sir. We'll be waiting."
    I put the shoulder holster on as well as my coat. I check the case to make sure I have my ID badge.

    I look up stairs one more time before I leave. Silence. She has gone back to sleep.

    Carefully making sure I put the false wall back up, I close the closet door, and unlock the front door and lock it.

    There is a car. It's the typical Government style. Nothing exciting. No sound can be heard either, it is too early for the garbage trucks, and most of the partiers have gone home.

    I open the door, and get in. Seated across from me in the opposite seat is the man who called me, Berenger. He smiles in his usual manner, which is more like a smirk.

    "Good to see you Jim."

    "Yeah Good to see you too Rick. So to what do I owe this visit at...God it is near 2 in the ing morning?!"

    "Well something has come up and we need you."
    "I see. So where are we going?"
    "Be explained at Headquarters. We'll be heading to the airport to meet our flight. Wheels up in an hour."

    "Great."
    "How's the missus?"
    "She sends her regards. She asked for something from the store when I get back."
    "You mean Eggs and Milk?"
    "I mean Manolo Blaniks. She has a pair she has been having her eye on." I hand him my phone with the picture of them.
    "Consider it done."
    "Good.I think she will be pleased."
    "Nice you have her size listed and everything. Even easier."

    In less than an hour we pass by the airport. We of course take the more restricted entrance. Pass by two uniformed guards who see Berenger's badge, salute and wave us through.

    Sure enough there it is, a Gulfstream. I rub my eyes as it is near 0400 hours, and I haven't even had a cup of coffee.

    Berenger opens the door and we both get out, and he hands me a packet sealed in a large brown envelope.

    "Sorry Jim, I'm not going with you on this flight. You know the drill. Anyway, open it when you are airborne. If you need to get some shut eye let the attendant know. They've been instructed to let you do that once you finish your briefing."

    "Okay Rick, you got those shoes right?" Berenger laughs, as he lights a cigarette, "Relax! By the time you get back, your wife will have a nice pair of shoes waiting for you to bring to her when you get back."

    I shake Rick's hand and climb up the ramp to the jet. Walking in I pass the attendant. Twenties, brunette...and I'm married and happily at that. I walk over to my seat, fasten my safety belt and she comes over bends down to reveal her cleavage...
    "Is there anything you might need?"
    I sigh, and shake my head and smile, "Nothing at the moment, thank you...Monique." I read off her name plate.
    "Very well. Just let me know."

    I place the packet on my lap and wait for the plane to take off.
    rubbing my eyes I look down and on my tray is a cup of coffee.

    I take a sip. It is hot, and its just the way I like it. Strong.

    Monique takes a walk over to let me know the plane will be taking off in less than ten minutes.

    Soon the jet begins to move and we are airborne. I settle back into my seat, the pilot announces that it is safe to remove the seat belt, so I do that, and Monique walks back and she is carrying a blanket and a pillow. She must have read my mind, my eyes are feeling very heavy. I look at my watch it must be near 0500 hours. I open the packet. There's a folder of photos, and what appears to be a MP3 device and ear phones.

    Settling back into my seat and placing the pillow behind my head I put on the ear buds and turn on the MP3 player.

    "Good morning Mr. Phelps..."

  12. #32
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
    Content Director Patrician Citizen

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    Default Re: Assignment 1 - The Mysterious Call (Brian Klems)

    Gluteus_Maximus, thank you for your kind comment . You said that you do not know how to put things in spoilers. I recommend Shankbot's unofficial guide for new members as a place to find answers to questions like that. There are some things which you can only do when you have 25 posts (such as editing your own posts). One way to increase your post count is to post encouragement and constructive criticism on people's stories in the Creative Writing and AARs part of the Writers' Study. I think your story is good - the cinematic description works well, I like the idea of indirectly revealing elements of the story with visual images.

    CJR43, I enjoyed your story, nice ending!

  13. #33
    Gluteus_Maximus's Avatar Laetus
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    Default Re: Assignment 1 - The Mysterious Call (Brian Klems)

    Thank you, sir! Much appreciated.

  14. #34

    Default Re: Assignment 1 - The Mysterious Call (Brian Klems)

    Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. Its great to see how everyone created really different stories from the same origin.
    Last edited by mr_president; July 31, 2015 at 05:26 AM.
    The game.

  15. #35
    Iron Aquilifer's Avatar Protector Domesticus
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    Default Re: Assignment 1 - The Mysterious Call (Brian Klems)

    The Call
    "Just the office," I reply, offering what I consider a reassuring smile. She doesn’t seem to be able to accept the lie, a frown beginning to contort her puffed up features, lack of sleep evident.

    "What do they want?" she begins to pry, studying my face for every tell-tale sign of a lie.

    "Me, of course," I give her that much, turning over as if to go back to sleep. "They can wait until the morning."

    My heart is racing, throwing itself against my ribcage like a crazed bull seeking release. Was that them? Have they finally managed to crack the defences? My mind is going over everything, trying to figure out how they would have possibly been able to identify me. I had been thorough, more thorough than most: there was no way they could have worked it out. Unless...

    "Sam, are you listening to me?"

    My ears prick up at that. What had she been saying? . I mumble something which could be taken either way. She knew that I had been lost in my own thoughts however, but still she wants to make it plainly obvious for the two of us.

    "What did I say?"

    "Something about them calling at night."

    That turns out to be the wrong answer, a sharp no echoing across the plain ceiling. Twisting back round to face her, I go straight to puppy-eyes.

    "You are not giving me the eyes are you, Mary-Jane Dyson?"

    "Are you, Fiona Dyson?" I retort, buying myself time as to conjure up some sort of defence. I at least used to be good at that.

    There are a few seconds of silence as my wife processes this deflection, debating whether or not it was worth the potential argument to find out more information.

    "I am too tired for this right now," she decides, "we will discuss this tomorrow and you had better give me a straight answer."

    We brush lips before she allows me to retreat, pressing my head in to my pillow as if it could rescue me. My heart is still racing, still demanding to be let out of its cage. Still my mind cannot settle. However there was nothing for it: I had to go outside. There was a chance - slim, oh so slim, so slim that it seemed only a dream - that if I did as the voice said, Fiona would be safe. If I descended in to the jaws of the lion then she would be safe. No decision was made faster.

    I slip out, moving on all fours towards the stairs. Rising, slowly, stiffly, I make my way down towards the ground floor. Every step is made slowly, easing my weight on to each step, toes testing the carpet as if it was now suddenly made of paper. Maybe it was fear of discovery that spurs me on, prancing forward, eyes settling on the door in front of me. Reaching it without issue, I pause midway in grabbing my coat. Insurance policy.

    It is a link to the past, so faint as to be forgotten and yet real enough to come and wash away everything that came after it. It had cost me two hundred dollars and whatever belief I had in being done with that terror that was the old life. It was an axe, hacking away at the future I had once hoped it was possible to lead. It was my shadow, demanding to be wrapped around my body like a cloak, as it had once been, a different me.

    Shoving both hands deep in to the pockets of my jacket, I throw open the door and begin to march down in to the darkness, eyes moving this way and that, unable to stay still. I suck in a sharp intake of breath. There.

    "We were just about to leave," remarks a six-two in what seems to be a tailored suit, flanked by two similarly sized and dressed men.

    "I was just about to fall asleep," I manage to spit back at them, wanting to glance back at my home but finding the icy claws of fear keeping my head facing forward.

    "We would not have advised that," Mr Left informs me.

    "We are glad that you have chosen the easy way," Mr Right adds, so serious that for a heartbeat I consider the prospect of smiling.

    "If you would please enter the car," Mr Middle utters, monotone, his left leg leading him to spin ninety-degrees, opening up the lion's jaws.

    There sat a white Range Rover, open doors as inviting as the entrance to Hell.

    "There is not much time," Mr Left provides, moving to lead me by the hand towards the beast.

    Clambering in to the back, I glance over to my left: no one. Eyes zipping back, I watch the three suits retreat in to the vehicle after me. They do not offer any more words as the engine growls in to life. Setting off, I hug the door, pressing as far as I can to be away from the smell of cologne and over-grooming. It was a powerful stench.

    “Have you ever used illegal technology?”

    “Yes.” There was no point in denying it. These men may as well know everything about me, they would smell a lie easily enough, if the clouds of Davidoff allowed them the sense of smell that was.

    “Are you in possession of any illegal technology?”

    “No.”

    “Do you have knowledge as to the whereabouts of any illegal technologies?”

    “No.”

    “Do you know who we work for?”

    CIA. FBI. NSA. MI6. FSB. ASIS. RAW... Them.

    “No.”

    “We work for someone who wants to meet you,” one of the suits offers.

    We sit in silence for what seems a year but according to the car’s clock is only twenty minutes. Arriving outside an apartment block, the car comes to a stop, the suits beginning to exit before the vehicle was stationary. . Ever the gentleman, one of the men open the door for me, allowing my bare feet to step on to the cold ground.

    “There is not much time,” Mr Talker tells me before leading the three of us in.

    I walk with purpose, confidence spray-painted over knee-weakening terror. My hands are once more stuck in the jacket pockets, fingers playing with the sweat that dripping along their length. Instead of making our way towards the elevator, I am led towards one of the back flats, beyond the piss and graffiti. Two suits standing guard inform me which door I have to enter.

    “Before you enter, is there anything in that coat you wish to leave outside?” Mr Talker asks, giving me that look.

    “No.” Before my body can betray me, I push past him, opening the door and diving behind it in case the suits try to reach out and stop me.

    “It has been too long, hasn’t it Peaches?”

    You. My voice fails me. You bastard!

    “Why, it looks like you are shocked to see me.”

    He stands, leaning heavily on his walking stick, one hand on an oxygen tank. Even in a suit he looks half a corpse. That was an accurate depiction of the man.

    “Come here Peaches,” he commands, knowing that the shadow of the past still clung to me, still draped itself across my shoulders when I wasn’t looking. “Come embrace me.”

    My hands free themselves from the deep pockets, finger already twitching the trigger close. You bastard!

    What are you doing? His face asks, confusion silencing any vocalisation. I am the only one who can protect you, he seems to want to say. Think this through, I hear the words die in his throat. This won’t rid you of the shadow.

    I squeeze the trigger. Once. Twice. Three’s a charm.

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