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Thread: Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 26/03/18)

  1. #61

    Default Re: Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 1/9/16)

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    A powerful chapter - the dialogue is brilliant, I sympathised initially with Edhen and then with Braeden, speaking not just for the Praetor's endorsement but for his own life. I agree with Braeden, Domitian does come across as heartless - is that a reflection of his culture and high status or is Domitian simply not a nice guy?
    Domitian was born in the time before the first contact with humans had been established, and came to see them as unrefined; this is different compared to Nicasia, who purely saw humanity as inferior. This somewhat judgmental mindset for Domitian stems from the way he'd been raised, both by his father and through his early career in the military, but isn't reflective of Xelanite culture as a whole. Younger generations of Xelanites similar to those of Edhen, who had been born in the past couple of centuries, had been open-minded and welcoming to the newer cultures of the galaxy, like humanity, that had been encountered in that timespan.

    The demeanor with which Domitian goes about the meeting, think about it as him remaining rational and level-headed, not letting sentimentality cloud his decision. The reason he might come off as cold toward Edhen, is that Domitian needs to firmly show his position as head of the family; and that while she may be married and independent, as long as he breathed, she still needed to abide by his authority. As for his meeting with Braedan, Domitian saw him as a complete unknown, and treated him in kind the majority of the time they were together.

    Though, don't let all this make one think that he's devoid of any emotion. In the past three chapters, the one soft spot that Domitian has had throughout, has been for the love of his child. Having lived a regimented life for centuries, and enduring his mostly loveless marriage to Nicasia, it can be seen that some of Domitian's decision-making has been in the effort to maintain that bond he has with Edhen, in the fear that he might lose her emotionally. This is partly the reason why he listened to Braedan's heartfelt plea near the end of the chapter, because it touched on that fear of loss, because it touched on a piece of them that they had in common. For Braedan, it was the fear of losing the one person that made him feel his humanity again. For Domitian, it was the fear of forever losing the love of the one person that mattered most to him.

  2. #62

    Default Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 30/10/16)

    Subversion
    The following morning...

    The day was early, and the sun yet barely shone into the bedroom, as the couple concluded another rousing session of lovemaking. Kissing her husband one last time, the Courtesan dismounted him, rolling over to her side of the bed and sliding beneath the sheets to cover her bare flesh. Upon catching her breath, Edhen turned on her side to face Tyler, flashing her characteristic grin as she quietly pondered what he was thinking about. What was going through her thoughts, and her heart, were the events from the night before, of how he'd been able to sway her father's decision when it was all but set in stone; something that few could accomplish, given the Praetor's stalwart reputation.

    Sitting upright in the bed, Braedan looked ahead as he spoke, “Is the there anything you need to get done today?”

    “Why do you ask?” Edhen said, swiveling her body to face him.

    “The meeting with your father last night got me thinking,” resting his forearms on the outstretched knees before him, “I need a way of getting in to see Jameson, but I've run into a snag.”

    “What would this 'snag' be, might I ask?” the Courtesan questioned astutely.

    Tyler chuckled, “If I were to go back to the precinct and said I had your father's authorization, they'd probably laugh my sorry excuse out of there,” he rubbed the back of his neck, “You however, being my wife, with the position you hold, and also being his daughter, the officers wouldn't be as inclined to deny the request.”

    “You're saying you need me to vouch for you then?” Edhen replied.

    Braedan joked, with his trademark grin, “You know, me being human and all, they wouldn't trust my motives.”

    His spouse responded, “I may have a few things that need doing. Aside from that, there shouldn't be any trouble in meeting up with you near the precinct. Keep in mind though, I'll contact you with my communicator when I'm on the way, so you and whomever goes with you, will need to remain patient until I arrive.”

    “Shouldn't be too hard to keep ourselves occupied until then,” the merc answered cordially.

    Edhen, getting out from under the covers, and as she was about to begin getting ready for her day, the Courtesan stood at the edge of the bed, with her back turned and arms crossed. Caught up in the moment from the night before and the jubilation she'd felt, coupled with the love she and Tyler had just made, Edhen found herself staring out the window at the sunrise of a new day. A realization had dawned on the Xelanite beauty, catching a hint of her husband in the corner of her eye, about whether or not through her drive to see his life preserved, pondered if she had done so rashly or had acted conceitedly. Peering over her shoulder with a faint grin, at the feeling of Tyler's fingertips grazing over her backside, the Courtesan skillfully hid these thoughts from her face. However, Edhen would question if she had inadvertently sent her husband to his death.

    Turning around, she saw him sitting there with a loving, albeit focused, look upon his face. With that same tentative grin she'd been wearing moments before, Edhen sat down on the edge of the bed and placed a curled up hand on one of Braedan's cheeks, peering deeply into his eyes. Unfurling her fingers that sat on her husband's cheek, the Courtesan leaned in to bestow a brief, but tantalizing, kiss on his lips, before again rising from the bed to get herself ready for the day.

    It wasn't long before Braedan followed suit. Donning his tactical recon gear, the mercenary equipped himself with an assortment of light weapons, then headed out to check on Talia to see if she were awake; but given it was still relatively early, he expected her to be sound asleep. When getting to her room, Braedan found the door open, and when peeking his head inside, discovered that she wasn't there. Walking through the hallways of the villa, the sound of his boots could be heard resounding off the walls as he went along, scouring from room to room to find the location of his subordinate. After looking almost everywhere, the merc captain felt a tad hungry, so decided to head to the kitchen to rouse something to eat from the pantries; but the closer Braedan got, he swore he could hear something that sounded like clicking and clacking.

    Upon entering the kitchen, he found Talia sitting at the table, trying to eat something and look over the tablet device she had in front of her, and only succeeding at doing one thing at a time. Walking over and finding a seat, he sat down next to her, curious about what it was she was doing.

    “Everything okay? I can't recall seeing you this focused before...or ever, actually,” Braedan commented just as Talia took in a mouthful of food.

    Swallowing the food a few seconds later, she responded, “I was having trouble sleeping last night, and decided to take a little walk around the place. After a couple hours, knowing how much of a night owl Masaki can be sometimes, I wandered over to his room to see whether or not he was awake. When I walked in, he had all his tech splayed out, much of which I couldn't follow, as he went about checking multiple Holo feeds at once. How he does it is a mystery. Anyway, I stuck around for a couple minutes and I was about ready to leave, since I was feeling tired again, he stopped me to say he'd come across something troubling.”

    Leaning back in the chair and crossing his arms, Braedan asked, “What is it he found?”

    Talia replied, “There was a lot of technical jargon he went over, again...things I don't understand. The gist of it, from what I could follow, was that he had tapped into the planet's orbital transmissions, and had analyzed the incoming and outgoing messages for the last few days.”

    Tyler cocked an eyebrow, “Not exactly something that's legal, but go on.”

    “There was one message, while too garbled to be reconstructed word for word, that held a signature that isn't used by the Dominion. From what he was able to decode, Masaki found small bits of encryption embedded inside it,” Talia recounted to him.

    “Was he able to pinpoint who uses that encryption?” Braedan prudently asked.

    Talia nodded her head, “I could give you a couple guesses, but you'd only need one.”

    Tyler leaned forward, scratching a brow with one of his fingers and sighing before he spoke, “Bastards can't leave well enough alone, can they?”, sitting back in the chair with his eyes fixated out a small window, “Go get your gear ready. We were going to be heading out today anyway; but thanks to this news, we've got something else to worry about.”

    Taking down one last morsel of food, Talia stood up from the chair and picked up her tablet, then asked, “What do you think we can expect?”

    Rising from his seat, Braedan answered, “At this stage, not a clue,” Talia began making her way out of the kitchen when he continued, “...but Sterling?”

    Talia stopped in her tracks, turned and attentively asked, “Yes, sir?”

    Going over to her, the captain firmly gazed into his subordinate's eyes, “Let's not take any chances, be ready for anything.”

    “I've had you to learn from, sir,” she remarked with a trace smile as she headed back her room.

    Leaving the villa roughly a half hour later, Braedan let Brax join in as they'd been stepping out the front door. The trio was making their way out of the front gate, onto the lively city streets, when a familiar voice rang in their ears, and it was that of the siren with the low Southern drawl that had given Braedan headaches since they'd met.

    “My my my, you should've seen how bubbly and fresh that darlin' wife of yours looked, coming out of here an hour ago. I've had that look a good number of times myself...mmm,” Alyssa spoke a coy smile.

    The three of them stopped in their tracks. Braedan turned on his heel, picking some food from his teeth with his tongue, Talia followed his lead, with her hand poised and ready to draw her sidearm. As for Brax, he stopped purely because everyone else had.

    The merc leader gave Alyssa a perturbed gaze when she walked towards him, a deceptive grin on her face, “I was out here, dawdlin' on my own, and out from this very gate, your lovely can stepping out, looking as cheerful and bright eyed as the day is long. Or maybe I simply imagined the whole thing, with my wishful thinkin' and all.”

    She could see his face tense up before patting Braedan on the cheek, “Don't fret, honey, I remember what you told me, very specifically, word for word. As you were going over your parameters though, you never did make restrictions of her getting close to me.”

    Braedan stood tall, rolling his eyes away from the ex-operative, “That's nice and all, but it leaves one question that needs answering: Why is it that you're around here in the first place?”

    Alyssa softly chuckled to herself, “You said, and I can quote, 'You know where to find me', meaning you understood I had the intelligence to track wherever you've been. Without another means of communication, other than direct, I could've been left out here twiddlin' my thumbs, for weeks on end, waiting to get in touch with you.”

    “Maybe should've thought about that before insulting someone I knew,” Braedan countered.

    Alyssa smiled whimsically, nodding her head, “True enough, darlin', but I surely hope you don't hold that against me forever.”

    Braedan cleared his throat, throwing on his best Southern accent, “Oh baby doll, I'll stop holding it against you, when you've proven you deserved it.”

    Alyssa licked the inside of her lip, chuckling to herself as she responded, “I knew I liked you for some reason, sweetie, but now you're just being a tease.” When catching sight of a group of militia in the distance over Braedan's shoulder, the normal playfulness in her voice disappeared, “The real reason I'm here hun, is that I've heard birdies chirpin', and the song they're singing is not pleasant.”

    “Are you thinking it's Alliance?” Braedan intuitively asked, knowing the answer for himself, but wanting to test her knowledge.

    “Maybe,” she answered, “though whoever these individuals may be, from what my sources claim, they are brazenly serious on doing something. As for what that 'something' is, I'm as in the dark as they are.”

    Silent until now, Talia jumped in, “You can't honestly be thinking about believing her, are you?”

    Turning to face her, Braedan saw Talia's readiness to draw her sidearm hadn't diminished. Moving his subordinate's hand away from her weapon, he said, “Based on what little we know, and what little she knows, it might be wise to work together on this, no matter how tepid the relationship.”

    Leaning in, as if to quietly reprimand Talia, her captain whispered encouragingly, “Thought after all this time, you'd learn to trust me,” winking to his lieutenant, then instructing her, “just go with it.”

    Standing at ease, she replied to him, “Yes, sir”, leaving Alyssa with a false impression that she'd put Talia in her place by having Braedan side with her, when it was quite to the contrary.

    Alyssa confidently chimed in, “So darlin', I trust you have a plan brewin' in that head of yours.”

    “Don't worry yourself, doll,” Braedan smirked, “I have a good idea about who to talk with."

  3. #63

    Default Re: Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 30/10/16)

    After a long absence, I've decided to begin picking up with the story where I left off last year.

    For the longest time, I'd been developing storylines, but yet hadn't found the inspiration to devote time towards seeing this portion of TC completed. It'd been my intention, near the beginning of this, that I'd make it into a trilogy, which I would like to see realized at some point in time. At this rate though, I might have plenty of gray hairs before all is said and done.

  4. #64
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 30/10/16)

    Welcome back, HunterKYA! I look forward to seeing how your storylines will develop.

    Your post prompted me to look at your last chapter. I wonder what Braedan's plan will be - and whether Alyssa will realise that he impression of what Braeden was saying to Talia was false.

  5. #65

    Default Re: Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 30/10/16)

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    Welcome back, HunterKYA! I look forward to seeing how your storylines will develop.

    Your post prompted me to look at your last chapter. I wonder what Braedan's plan will be - and whether Alyssa will realise that he impression of what Braeden was saying to Talia was false.
    It's often, to the writer's benefit, to allow the reader to judge for themselves the meaning behind certain actions characters take. In this instance, Braedan has to placate both Alyssa and Talia into trusting him, and takes subtle steps by using inflection to allow him in achieving those means. Although, the mindset of the female characters in this scene are completely opposite. Seeing how when Alyssa isn't speaking seriously, her habitual flirtatiousness and sass override any sense of maturity she possesses; whereas with Talia, the camaraderie she and Braedan have built up can still strain, as evident when they captured Jameson, which means he has to build up what trust he can with her, when he can.

  6. #66

    Default Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 12/9/17)

    Diversion: Part 1
    The reluctant group then proceeded to make their way down into the lower reaches of the city, where, if Braedan's hunch was correct, they'd find the person he suspected knew more of the present situation. Venturing there on foot took like what felt like an hour, perhaps more, as they moved through the crowded streets, and down a number of long, wide, and highly trafficked walkways. Moving down the levels was like moving down the strata of Xelanite society, and the lower one got, the more one saw the differences between the classes. In a way, it gave Braedan reminders of what Earth looked like, at least from what his memory could recall, before his family left for the colonies; but the people here were better off, if only because they had the luxuries and trinkets of the wider galaxy at their fingertips.

    Talia chimed in, as Braedan's mind returned from wandering, “Where precisely are we going?”

    Alyssa soon followed suit, “I share the sentiments of our blond friend here,” flashing a grin over to the female merc in an effort to get under her skin.

    It clearly had an effect, as Talia, holding her hand down near the hip, gives Alyssa a complimentary middle finger behind her back to express the disgust she was feeling.

    Being able to sense what was going on between the two, Braedan stepped in, forcing Talia to quickly retract her finger, “If you ladies would stop bickering for five seconds, I could tell you,” he stepped aside so the women could face each other, “or if you'd prefer having a catfight in the middle of the street, be my guest. I won't stop it, but I'll sure as s--- finish it.”

    They stared each other down for a few seconds, the captain then latched onto Talia's wrist, preventing any action to physically vent her emotions. Their eyes caught each other as Braedan shook his head, in effect telling her to stand down, much to the chagrin of Alyssa, who stood back and watched the exchange. To the belle, it was an example of how and when she knew she could press her now-rival's buttons, and how, absent the intervention and stabilizing influence of the captain, Alyssa could prove the type of hothead the other was with little provocation.

    After letting go of his partner's wrist, Braedan picked up where he left off, “You remember that gray-skinned dancer from that bar when we caught Jameson? Petite, kinda cute, had some sass?”

    Alyssa haphazardly jumped into the conversation, “Sweetie, I've got all the sass you'll ever need.”

    The mercs, who already had objections with including the former operative, for obvious reasons, directed their eyes towards her with a look that spoke, “Were we talking to you?”

    This was enough of a reaction that Alyssa knew that the best response was to say nothing at all.

    Talia continued by asking, “Vaguely, what of her?”

    “Doesn't it strike you as odd how a dancer, in a shady looking bar, in a bad part of town, could get the drop on a trained Alliance agent, then practically strutted her booty back inside, like she knew there wouldn't be any retaliation,” Braedan pointed out.

    Pausing for a moment, Talia then answered, “Maybe she knew how to get him liquored up, take advantage of him, and once Jameson started getting handsy, whats-her-name had him thrown out. It's been known to happen.”

    “It's a possibility,” Braedan observed, “however, I don't think that's the case. Besides, think about it, Jameson was out cold before he hit the ground as we were walking by, meaning he likely pissed someone off while he was in that bar, and if my guess is correct, that little gray-skinned chick has the answer as to why and how.”

    Within another ten to fifteen minutes, the trio found themselves in front of the bar, passersby going about their business, paying no nevermind to them. A light haze of dirt of kicked up by the foot traffic obscured some of the sunlight that managed to find its way to street level, as Braedan, Talia, and Alyssa stood outside the entrance, thinking out what course of action to take. Seeing how standing around with their thumbs up their butts wasn't going to get them anywhere, Braedan decided to wing it, letting the sliding door 'whoosh' open, creaking a fair bit as it did, like it had seen better days.

    For him to call the place a 'bar' was perhaps a misnomer on his part from seeing the place on the outside, as the lights were pulsing and energetic music was playing, along with entertainers dancing on circulars stages positioned throughout the establishment. Walking about slowly, the group was being followed from a distance, from which they were unaware, as they went about admiring the dancers. At one point, after a few minutes, a small grin appeared on Braedan's face, as he gave Talia a nudge in the shoulder.

    “Kinda reminds me of that place we went to on Pherros where you gave me that lap dance.”

    Talia rolled her eyes and scoffed, “Oh God, let's not bring that up again. How about we keep it in the past where it belongs, shall we?

    Barely was she finished saying that did Alyssa lean forward, look at Talia, lean back and asked in disbelief, “We're talking about the girl, aren't we?”

    “That we certainly are, because our proper English lady here,” Braedan jovially puts an arm around Talia's shoulder, “in order to secure a meet up with some buyers, performed a rather thorough and convincing lap dance on me. She did this while pretending to be drunk, and admittedly enjoyed every second of it. Even had the envious eye of some of the dancers who were performing while she did it.”

    Instead of being embarrassed, she cordially leaned in close to his ear with that seductively raspy English voice, “If I'm not mistaken darling, you enjoyed it as much as I did,” a response which caught her commander off guard, erasing the grin on his face, topping it off with a cute wink as he turned to look at her.

    In the midst of this small conversation, a big problem cropped up nearby, in the form of a Bravaen bouncer, who'd appeared behind them while they were talking. The bouncer tapped Braedan twice on the shoulder, which were equivalent in force to the nudges that he'd given Talia a couple minutes before, prompting the merc to turn around, greeted by a veritable mountain of muscle, so much so, that he needed to look up to meet him eye to eye.

    A few moments of silence passed, with the music still pumping away, before Braedan muttered, “Whoaa...you're a big guy aren't ya? Yeahh...,” he gulped before going on, “umm, we're not trying to cause trouble or anything, but yeah...we're looking for a gray-skinned chick, gold markings on her skin, about yay high,” the merc held out his hand to gauge her height, “uhhh...yeah, if you could direct us to where she might be, it'd be a great help, because we've come to talk to her about something.”

    Staring the trio down, both Alyssa and Talia shrunk behind Braedan, hoping that he'd take the brunt of whatever it was the bouncer was planning on doing next. The Bravaen, without a word, kept his gaze on them while crossing his arms, as he was either calculating the intercept trajectory of trying to shoot down a missile launched from orbit, or which of them he wanted to punch the most. Bass from the particular track the club was playing was thumping the floor by this time, though Braedan was thinking that, soon enough, the floor wasn't that only that would be thumping by the look the bouncer was giving them. Before things could go much further, someone came walking from a dimly lit portion of the club, approaching the bouncer from behind, and once they got close enough, could see just how dainty they were in comparison.

    “Tomo!,” the person, who was clearly female, lightly scolded him, “I wanted you to bring them over to me, not brooding over them like a statue,” she turned to the mercs apologetically, “I'm sorry about him, I truly am, Tomo doesn't speak Basic very well and you need to be very specific around him, so we mostly keep him around as muscle and to intimidate people.”

    Braedan laughed nervously, “Uhh...no harm, no foul I suppose,” still looking timid around the hulking mass in front of him.

    “Oh goody then,” the woman perked up, happily clapping, “What can I get you? Carvisian tonic...Tilian ale...Brovinic screwdriver?”

    Braedan coolly brushed away the offer, “N-n-no thanks, drinks aren't the reason we're here, but maybe there's something else you can help us with. Do y'all have a dancer who works here – gray skin, gold markings, stands about this high,” he held up his hand to indicate the height, ”because we need to ask her some questions about something we're looking into.”

    The dancer giggled, “Ohhh...you must mean Tami, yeah, she works here but isn't dancing until later. If you'd like, I can take you backstage to wherever she is, and you can talk to her there.”

    Taken by surprise with the response, Braedan said, “Sure, if it's of no inconvenience to you, of course.”

    The young woman, or who they suspected was a young woman, since with some humanoid species, one can never really guess their true age unless it's plainly visible, led Braedan and the ladies through the bar and backstage with a bubbly demeanor. Music faded off into the distance, but the bass could be felt up to a certain point as the dancer lead them further backstage, until they reached a door labeled with the name 'Tami' on the outside.

    Knocking on the door a few times, the dancer asked, “Tami, are you decent, babe?”

    She then proceeded to opened the door, which slid open before her, but from what could be seen over her shoulder was a darkened room with no one inside, until casually turned on the light. Going over to one of the nearby chairs, whose back faced away from the group standing by the door, the dancer sat down and swiveled it around to look at them. It didn't take long for Braedan, Talia, and Alyssa – who'd be keen in pulling a maneuver like this – to realize that they'd been duped from the word 'go.'

    Licking the inside of his lip and smirking, Braedan nodded his head, “You cheeky little girl.”

    Tami coyly smiled back at him, batting her long lashes and sweetly flashing those pretty golden eyes of hers, “For someone as cute as you, I honestly believed you would've caught on sooner...unless that is, you were leading me on the whole time,” she hopped out of the chair, from which she'd been swinging her feet, and walked back over to Braedan, running the tips of her fingers along his jawline, “Tell me, handsome...were you leading me on the whole time?”

    “If there was anyone doing any 'leading on' here, it was you, doll,” Braedan mellowly responded.

    Friskily holding up her hands in faux guilt, Tami bit her lip before grinning, “Guilty as charged, sweetie,” letting out a soft giggle afterwards.

    Getting straight to the point, the captain asked directly, “What kind of training do you have?”

    The dancer's playfulness subsided, walking back over to the chair and crossing her legs, “I don't have the type of 'training' you're thinking I do, honey.”

    “And what type of training is that, do you suppose?” Braedan immediately asked.

    “Formal, like what they teach you in a school,” the dancer intelligently shot back, “but from what I've learned, and from those who taught it to me, you can't learn it in a stuffy old classroom.”

    Braedan returned the favor, “How was it you were able to work over an Alliance agent the way that you did, to the point he wound up unconscious, and in the process of being thrown in the dirt, just as we were walking by looking for him? Or how else do you explain, why, as authorities were looking through his belongings, they found none of the sensitive information Alliance agents typically carry with them?”

    Tami rubbed a fingertip over her outer lip before commenting, “I knew you were a smart one.” She leaned forward in the chair, “But do you know what a man will do for a woman? I'd guess that you do, with the company you keep, though let me enlighten to refresh your memory. Men will bend over backwards, wrap themselves around our fingers, do anything we ask in an effort to please us, especially if the woman in question is beautiful.” Her eyes glanced down to his hands, then back up as quickly to meet his, “And by that ring on your finger, you understand an inkling of what I'm talking about.”

    Braedan redirected the conversation, “What did you do with the information the agent had on him?”

    “Oh that stuff? I fenced that the first chance I got,” Tami said, trying to throw off his aggressive style of inquiry.

    “I believe that's what you were going to do before you saw me in the street,” Braedan walked over, looking down at her, “but by your tone and with how you've been handling yourself, you're lying through your teeth,” leaning over, he gave her chin a gentle nudge upward, so their eyes could meet directly, as he spoke suavely, “Now, Tami...where is that information?”

    Sitting back in the chair, the Luxri crossed one arm across her midriff, then reached between her cleavage with the other hand to pull out what looked like a thumb drive, “I believe this is what you're searching for,” handing it over to the merc.

    As he tucked the drive into one of the tactical pockets in his pants, Tami stoically remarked, “I'd be mindful of your woman, wherever she is, for whoever is coming after you, will soon be coming for her.”

    Braedan's mood turned on a dime, putting to her bluntly, “So you're making threats now, are you?”

    “No threats,” she spoke in a way to calm his nerves, “just giving some humble advice.”

    “Since when do dancers give out prophetic advice like that?” the captain questioned.

    Tami stood up from the chair, “Who said I've always been a dancer?”

    And with that, the meeting met its natural conclusion. From there, Braedan, Talia, and Alyssa found their way out of the club and back onto the street, where they would begin their trek over to the militia precinct where Jameson was being held. Along the way, Braedan gave notice to Edhen that they were moving toward the intended meetup point, whereby she informed him that there were a couple small pieces of business which needed concluding, but would be on her way shortly and would find them outside the precinct.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Outside the Legentis In Atrium
    Palma, Xeltana, Pax Capitolina


    After finishing with the small affairs she'd mentioned to Tyler, Edhen then went about making her way to the precinct in Bellicus district to meet up with him and his team. The day itself was as scenic as any other in Palma, blessed with a warm, temperate climate and in sunshine for most of the year. Feeling the warmth against her skin, Edhen hardly noticed the pace she was walking at, going by somewhat faster than she thought, but this might be attested to the optimistic mood she was in for whatever reason.

    As she went along, there was this eerie feeling that she was being followed, thus quickening her pace to see if she could outdistance herself from whomever was pursuing her. Her heart was beating faster and faster, but no matter her pace, Edhen sensed her stalkers were grower closer with each passing second. Before too long, she felt a pair of hands clench her wrist, leading her down a darkened alleyway, with a another man leading her on with a knifepoint in her back. Being pressed up against a wall, Edhen's hands were still being restrained, as she turned her head over her shoulder to defiantly berate her attackers.

    Scisne qui sum? Ego te, captus...

    One of the men knelt in close, whispering into her ear, “Enough of that drivel...gag her,” taking pleasure in seeing how her eyes grew wider in terror upon hearing him say that.

    With her mouth held open with a gaggle of rope, and her hands pinned to the wall, Edhen was rendered helpless to the whims of the deviants who held her captive. Making attempts to wriggle free or to get someone's attention by screaming, they proved fruitless, with the leader of the miscreants moving in behind her. Eyeing the Courtesan's body, he could hardly contain the obscene enthusiasm he was feeling, placing his hands on Edhen's hips, slowly hiking up her dress inch by inch.

    One of the last things he said to her, in a most sinister fashion, “You won't enjoy this, being the foreign whore that you are,” he paused again to look over her body, “but we will, I can guarantee you...

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Legentis In Atrium – The Great Hall of the Gatherers

    Scisne qui sum? Ego te, captus... – Do you know who I am? I will have you arrested for this...

  7. #67
    Caillagh de Bodemloze's Avatar to rede I me delyte
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    Default Re: Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 12/9/17)

    I should really re-read some of this to refresh my memory. Even without doing that, though, it's obvious things have taken a bit of an unpleasant turn...

    I wonder what's on the drive.






  8. #68
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 12/9/17)

    It sounds like Tami's warning was accurate and that Edhen is in serious danger. I hope that she can escape somehow or that Braedan and the others will soon realise that her small pieces of business have gone badly wrong.

  9. #69

    Default Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 25/9/17)

    Diversion - Part 2
    Briefly after her ordeal, Edhen fell into a state of unconsciousness, unable to cope with the physical and emotional trauma she'd just been through. Despite being reasonably mature for someone her age, she'd remained naive in believing people were genuinely good, but it was apparent to Edhen now, drifting in limbo, that she'd spent the majority of her life living a sheltered existence, shielded from the harsh realities of how things were. Nestled in that dark alleyway, draped in the shadows and away from curious eyes, her own fluttered open as she sat upright against a plaster-covered wall. Whoever it was who'd assaulted the Courtesan had, by this time, long vanished back onto the streets, and even before she could raise her hand to cull the headache she was feeling, Edhen wept quietly as she tried lifting herself from the dusty paving stones beneath her.

    I can still feel the warmth of their seed inside me,” thinking disgustedly to herself, the horrid incident replaying in her mind. Fresh as a newly opened wound, but then a more damning prospect came to the fore, “when people hear of this, they'll believe I've become my mother – that I was aching for it, that it was a clandestine affair, that I was destined to become a whore.

    Bracing her body against the wall, Edhen rose to her feet, an incoherence clouding her thoughts, as she slowly made her way back towards the light and the passersby walking along the avenue ahead. With what little clarity she had, the Courtesan did what she could to straighten her appearance, make herself presentable. Yet with her makeup smudged, hair undone, and clothes sullied with dirt and other filth, little could be done to make her look more than passable. Melding into the pedestrian foot traffic, Edhen had gathered enough of her thoughts to recall where she needed to go, and proceeded to move in that general direction. As she went along, a multitude of voices began speaking in her subconscious, tormenting her with the guilt that she was going through, only serving to amplify the negativity that had sent her mind racing.

    All around, looking to the left and to the right, people appeared to be moving at the speed of light, walking past her in a blur, while Edhen felt she was moving along inch by inch. While it may have been all an illusion, there wasn't much she could do to fight it, but with her present state of mind, there was no telling how long it would last or if she could endure to see her way past it. People brushed by, narrowly missing her as she trudged on, holding her head with the throbbing having yet to subside, the everyday noise only making it worse.

    A hazy distortion was visible around her peripheral vision, and whatever Edhen did to lessen the effects, they lingered the further she went. The assailants must have given her something to dull the senses, to counter any resistance the Courtesan was likely to put up, and was the likely cause of the symptoms she was experiencing. Lethargy weighed down Edhen's movement, and regardless of whatever speed she imagined she was moving at, to everyone else around her, it gave off the sight of someone who was strung out on drugs.

    Oh Gods...what was it those heathens gave me?” She thought to herself, “I have to get to the precinct, I have let Tyler know what happened,” forcing one foot in front of the other, as fast as her limbs would allow it.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Fifteen minutes later...
    Outside the militia precinct, Bellicus District


    About a quarter block away from the precinct, leaning against a wall was the trio of Braedan, Talia and Alyssa. While the ladies continued to jab at each with remarks other every now and again, it had decreased enough to the point where it had become tolerable, though his patience for them going back and forth like schoolgirls wasn't quite as concerning as to where Edhen was. Based on his knowledge of the city's layout, what the average walking speed would be from her office to their location, and the time of day it was, it was becoming worrisome that Edhen hadn't at least signaled she was at least close by. It wasn't like his wife to be late, if anything, she would've arrived shortly after they did.

    Stand up from the wall, Braedan's eyes scanned through the crowd of citizens to catch a glimpse of something, anything that might indicate she was close. While Alyssa obliviously looked at her fingernails thinking of the last time she'd gotten a manicure, Talia rolled her eyes at the thought of having to lug this diva around. She then found the captain standing away from the wall, his head moving from side to side, observing the people going about around them. Standing up straight and stretching her back, she went to stand at Braedan's side.

    “Is everything alright, sir?”

    “No,” Braedan replied gravely, “it's not like Edhen to be late, because that woman's never late.” He then shook his head, “Something doesn't feel right about this...she would've let us know if she weren't going to be here on time.”

    Crossing her arms, Talia sighed, “You don't think someone's setting us up, are you? I only ask because I haven't seen you like this since before we went on that bridge, and we know what happened then. I will admit though, something does feel a tad off, now that you bring it up.”

    Stepping forward, Braedan tapped the device sitting on his ear, digitally constructing his combat mask.

    “What are you doing?” Talia asked him as she stood back.

    “A while back, I had Masaki input Edhen's bio-signature into the mask's data records, in the off-chance I needed to find her,” he said. Slowly panning his vision through the people all around them. “And if she's anywhere close, it'll outline where she is.”

    A moment later, the readings picked up something faint in the distance. Tapping the mask near the optical sensor, it enhanced the magnification of the visor. When the picture became clearer a highlighted outline appeared around someone, with the readings on Braedan's display confirming it was indeed Edhen.

    “Found her!” He said, “Go get Ms. Debutante and tell her we're going.”

    And before Talia could get Alyssa's attention, Braedan had filtered into the crowd, constantly bumping into pedestrians walking in the opposite direction, as he made a beeline towards his wife. Moving so incautiously, it was inadvisable of him to throw his training to the wind as Braedan rushed towards his spouse, coming as close to frantic as Talia had ever seen him, who was doing her best to keep up with Alyssa following behind. The lower the distance meter got on his visor, he grew increasingly worried by how Edhen's body was being highlighted on the display. Once they got to her, Braedan plainly saw that she looked like she'd been drugged with something, as she was slumped against the wall of a building and having trouble moving her feet.

    Kneeling down, placing a hand on her cheek, Braedan's voice was trembling as he looked into her eyes. “It's me, Edhen...,” tapping the mask behind his ear, revealing his face a second or so later, “...it's Tyler, your unum et solum.”

    Her response was a weak smile as her fingertips graze the stubble on his face. Getting under one of Edhen's arms, Braedan hoisted the Courtesan to her feet, deciding that getting her home was their primary goal now, and would leave Jameson for another day. Meanwhile, several blocks away, sitting atop one of the larger buildings in the area, the Alliance operative who was sent to silence Jameson, had an excellent vantage point over the surrounding sections of the city. This included the approximate vicinity of where Braedan and his people were as well. Placing a communicator around their ear, they then held up their wrist, whereby they looked on as a timer counted down.

    3...
    2...
    1...


    A thunderous explosion rocked a building close by, everyone in the neighboring blocks feeling the jolt, their eyes naturally looking in every direction to find the source, as Braedan had gotten Edhen upright. From where they were, the captain knew of only one place in the district that could have held any significance: the precinct. Amidst the cries and screams that were arising from people who were injured and panicked, they scattered about like frightened animals who had been spooked by danger. Braedan, Talia, and Alyssa looked up to find a billowing plume of smoke emanating from where they'd been only minutes before. Torn between his duty to help his wife and rushing in to help the victims, Braedan was facing a crisis of conscience, that is until he felt his earpiece thrumming.

    Is someone calling me, now, of all the times? Wait...when was thing able to take calls?” he confusedly said to himself.

    Tapping behind his ear, the mask formed digitally around his face, answering the call, “Who is this?”

    A voice, speaking through a synthesizer, spoke back to him, “This, Mr. Braedan, was a consequence.”

    “Killing innocents is a consequence? A consequence of what exactly?!?” Braedan's anger, processed through the mask's voice output, bordered on terrifying.

    The unknown person's voice held no inflection of emotion when they responded, “A consequence of our agent being compromised, and that of your continued refusal to return whatever it is you stole from us. This day could have been avoided, the suffering of these people could have been avoided...were it not for you.”

    Looking over to Talia, Braedan helped her get under Edhen's arm to support her weight as he scanned the horizon, trying to find any telltale signs of this person's whereabouts.

    “You want this damned thing back so badly, then come down here and get it,” he yelled over the cacophony of noise from the injured, scared and dying. “You'll feel it as I shove it up your ass, strap a rocket to your back, and send you express shipping back to whoever sent you here!!!”

    He heard a chuckle through the built-in earpiece, “An amusing sight that will have to wait for another day. Until then, I have presented you with two options: Aid that Xelanite harlot being held up by Ms. Sterling, or find the remains of Jameson and help the 'innocents' as you called them. Be mindful, you have enough time for one, but not both. By the time you come looking for me...,” the transmission then garbled into static.

    Barely suppressing his indignation and want to bury a fist into a wall, Braedan grimaced beneath his mask, “Talia, take her home.”

    “But what about...”

    Kneeling his head, the captain's neck was visibly straining, “Damn it, stop fighting me for once in your life.” At first hesitating, Braedan's voice cracked, “I'd feel better knowing Edhen was someplace safe, not around this. Just do this, please....”

    Talia, without any further objection, nodded and began slowly but steadily, walking the hindered Courtesan back towards the villa, through the scores of people and the smoke which had drifted in along the avenue from the explosion.

    They watched as Talia aided his wife, fading into the hazy, wispy smoke.

    Alyssa solemnly commented, “For all the ill words I spoke of her, sugah, I honestly apologize. I'd always seen it as a type of a friends-with-benefits type of arrangement, but looks as though I need to take it back.” She put an uncharacteristically sympathetic hand on Braedan's shoulder, “I pray she's alright, sincerely I do...otherwise it'd just be cruel of me.”

    Regaining his composure, Braedan remarked steely, “There just may be some salvaging you yet.” He turned to begin walking back towards the precinct, through the dust that still clouded the air as the wind blew through the mostly empty streets.

    Alyssa paused, if only for a split-second, to observe the man she'd seen in a casual light until this day. She never knew what had driven him, what his motivations were, or what it was he was fighting against. But now, in this sliver of a moment, the operative had caught a glimpse of everything Braedan stood for, and the man he was. Ferocious and determined, loving and loyal, focused and disciplined...Alyssa had seen all of these from him in a trying and stressful time. It was here that she knew, if she were to in fact join his crew, Alyssa would need to abandon the cavalier personality she had lived with most of her life, and follow him through that cloud.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Unum et solum - one and only


  10. #70
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 25/9/17)

    I'm enjoying this! Braeden's instincts and his thinking ahead, plus Masaki's expertise, are coming in handy. I'm intrigued by the mysterious caller, it sounds like Braeden and the others have an important choice between those options. I wonder what the caller said at the end, the part which Braeden couldn't hear.

  11. #71

    Default Re: Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 25/9/17)

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    I'm enjoying this! Braeden's instincts and his thinking ahead, plus Masaki's expertise, are coming in handy. I'm intrigued by the mysterious caller, it sounds like Braeden and the others have an important choice between those options. I wonder what the caller said at the end, the part which Braeden couldn't hear.
    Alwyn, as always, your critique is quite welcome.

    As for the call from the Alliance agent, it had less to do with the signal cutting out, and more to do with what it meant contextually. When they said, "...by the time you come looking for me...", after listing the options they'd given Braedan, it meant that whichever option he chose to complete, the agent would be gone by the time the mercenary came looking for them.

  12. #72

    Default Re: Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 25/9/17)

    Hey everyone! Wanted to drop in to let you know I'm still around, and currently working on the next update. I've gotten close to a page and a half written thus far, and would prefer if I could get it finished and posted before New Year's Eve; but with RL events being what they are, there won't be any guarantees.

  13. #73
    NorseThing's Avatar Primicerius
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    Default Re: Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 25/9/17)

    It is a great tale -- do not rush it just to post. I have a feeling that I probably do shorter posts (about 2/3 of your posts). I am not saying yours are too long, maybe mine are too short though.

  14. #74

    Default Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 31/12/17)

    Reverence - Part I
    Through the debris scattered about, the mercenary captain and rogue agent scoured the ruins of the precinct, looking for any signs that would indicate that Jameson had survived. Braedan knew beforehand, by the severity of the explosion from a distance, what he and Alyssa were doing was mere formality, and it was plainly obvious that anyone who'd been inside the building had little hope of surviving. Amidst the cackling of small fires, and the wafting smoke surrounding them, the two made their way out of the gutted building as relief personnel were gathering outside, preparing to do a more thorough search over the premises. And as he watched the Xelatives clamor through the rubble, Braedan once again had this feeling of helplessness, a helplessness he hadn't experienced since the Alliance's last covert action against the Dominion, when he'd held the dying girl Gracia in his arms, as the life fled from her young body.

    The same hubris which had blinded him to the lengths the Alliance would go to to recover the artifact, was the very same that blinded him into the thought they, nor their agents, would be so bold as to conduct another attack, albeit indirectly, against the Xelanite capital. These attacks were his failures, these deaths would forever hang over his head, and a lifetime of honorable deeds would not cleanse him of his wrongdoings.

    Drifting past the smell of smoke and the cries of the injured, Braedan and Alyssa strode the streets in silence, now barren of any civilians, having fled to their homes upon hearing of a terrorist attack. It was chilling to see these lanes absent of any pedestrians, at a time of day when they were usually bustling with foot traffic; yet it served as a reminder, that while Palma was far from the frontlines in this conflict, it was not immune from its dangers. A mix of anger and remorse flooded Braedan's consciousness as he and Alyssa drew closer to the Residence of the Courtesans.

    “What if something had happened to her?” Quietly he thought to himself, the merc kept that question on repeat in his mind, over and over again, and how it grew in intensity the closer the pair were to Edhen. This disillusionment had dulled each of his senses other than sight, so it wasn't until he was standing before the gate to the villa did he notice where he was, looking to see that Alyssa was nowhere in sight, leaving Braedan to ponder how stressed the events of the day had truly made him.

    Entering the villa's living room, Tyler found Dani and Edhen tearing at each other's throats in a verbal catfight, not having a moment to analyze what the probable cause was before Edhen was set to lunge at her rival from across the room. Catching his wife across the waist, Braedan caught the sight of her tear-sodden cheeks, belying the vengeful look he gleaned in her eyes, curious as to what could have brought about such an uncharacteristic outburst from someone whose emotions were normally well governed.

    “Want to explain to me what's going on between you two?” Tyler peered over to Edhen, who couldn't so much as get a word out, before he heard Dani chime in from across the room, thinking his presence alone was enough to rein in his wife.

    You need to learn to control that woman of yours, no telling what she coulda done to me.”

    Not a split-second passed before Braedan had turned about, quickly enough to surprise even Dani, who found herself backed against the wall before she could blink.

    “Brave enough to say it behind my back,” Braedan inched his face closer, close enough for Dani to feel the warmth of his breath against her skin, along with its stench in his nostrils. “Now say it to my face.”

    The pilot's words failed her, and seizing the initiative, Braedan exploited her hesitance, “What was that?” Backing off somewhat, he leaned his ear closer to Dani's mouth, still the words failed her, “A coward's courage, just as I thought. Obviously, Ms. Ferreira, you've lost your senses as to what your place is, because, in essence, challenging my wife is challenging me. Please tell me, if you'd be so kind, as to why a sparing match nearly resulted in you two scratching your eyes out.”

    It took Dani a second to respond, an audible gulp being heard, “Look, I don't know what her issues are, but....”

    “Excuse me...what?” Braedan interrupted her mid-sentence, “Whatever it is you're going to say, you best make it clear, without the need for interpretation. And don't think I haven't been aware of your jealousy towards Edhen either, but what I do know is this: whatever problems you have, grow up and move on. The last thing I need is my pilot throwing a teenager's hissy fit over something so petty, I don't even want to talk about it.”

    “Look, Tyler, it's not like that,” he let Dani scoot away from the wall, so as not to make her feel like a cornered animal. “All I wanted to ask her was why she looked like she'd been crawling around in the dirt, that's all. Next thing I know, she's giving me looks and making accusations. I explained that whatever you and I had, it's over and done, but Edhen wasn't hearing any of it. Said she could see it my eyes or some such BS, and it was around that time you stepped in before she could take a swing.”

    Talia had been standing in the entryway to the living room with a cup of water from the kitchen, which Edhen had asked for when they'd entered the villa. She'd been witness to the entirety of the incident between Braedan and Dani, all while his wife had stood back, silently looking on at the exchange between them. The Courtesan came to his side, having grown discontent at the behavior this day had brought out in everyone, placing a hand on her husband's upper arm to help calm his anxiety.

    “Tyler...I was raped,” she spoke softly, solemnly holding her head. “That is why you found me looking disheveled and incoherent, so I couldn't resist them.”

    Braedan, Dani, and Talia looked at Edhen, stunned at the revelation she aired out to them. She did so freely, knowing that, unlike her own people who would incriminate her based upon the deeds of her parents, they wouldn't pass judgment on her as casually. Slipping in front of her husband, Edhen took him by the hands, looking at Tyler with a sorrowful, almost apologetic expression, asking with her eyes to forgive her for whatever deceit he may feel for not having spoken of it sooner. She imagined him like she would her father, bowing her head in deference, holding back her emotions to the best of her ability to avoid the appearance of being weak.

    “I would have brought it to your attention, but the anguish and shame I felt in my heart, for having let it happen, prevented me from speaking of it before now. Being paralyzed, I could not run to escape nor could I scream to bring help. My eyes were the only things not dulled, forcing me to watch as...,” Edhen shunned her head, fighting back for a moment the pain of recounting the event, “...they violated my body, and stole my honor.”

    Expecting to hear her father's voice lambaste her, criticizing her for not having the courage to fight back, for surrendering herself to the vile acts committed against her person, and becoming a mirror image of her mother. The dam holding back her tears broke as she sunk to her knees, Edhen buried her face in her hands, her back lightly shuttering as she sobbed at Tyler's feet, still anticipating chastisement to come at any second. In this instance of tearful pity, she had forgotten one rather big detail: her husband wasn't her father...he wasn't even Xelanite, and therefore wouldn't judge her the same way. Kneeling on both knees right in front of her, Tyler placed his hands on his wife's shoulders, then leaned forward to kiss the top of her head. The act of him doing this caught her off-guard, to the point it prompted Edhen to lift her head from her hands, meeting her eyes to his. Nowhere did she see ungratefulness, nowhere did she see spite or anger, nowhere did she see him feeling betrayed.

    Wiping away a tear from her moist, reddened cheeks, Tyler said, “There's nothing that needs forgiving. Nothing anyone has, or ever will do, could steal the honor you carry yourself with everyday, which is more than I could do in a lifetime.” Gently brushing strands of hair from her eyes, “Nothing could steal away the girl I first met, nor the woman she became. And in whatever way I could, until my last breath, I would fight to defend her.”

    Wrapping her arms tightly around his waist, Edhen rested her head against his chest, feeling as though a weight had been removed from hers.

    Whispering in a voice which only she could hear, Tyler said, “Please promise never to hide something like that again,” kissing the top of her head.

    Promitto,” she replied with an equally low whisper.

    Edhen held him for her what felt like an eternity, but in truth, was no more than a few seconds. Once letting go, Tyler rose to his feet, extending a hand to help her up off the floor, and as he did, commented, “Let's go and get you cleaned up, how's that sound?” Edhen did nothing more than nod.

    The Courtesan treading softly through the living room, with Tyler close behind if case she needed assistance, as they went past Dany and Talia, on their way back towards the bedroom. Once there, Edhen found her way back into the lava locus to clean up, soak in a bath, and change into a fresh set of clothing, knowing that after the events of the day, she was still mentally traumatized to think about going out beyond the walls of the villa. After taking about an hour to unwind, letting the warmth of the water soak into her skin and revitalize her body to an extent, Edhen came out adorned in simple clothing she typically wore when not needing to be social. There in the bedroom, she saw Tyler looking over a datapad lost in thought, not knowing she had finished in the washroom until she was standing at his side.

    “What's that your looking at?” She pondered to him, trying to see what it was he was reading, before seeing it was something related to the bombing on the Holostream.

    At first, he didn't answer, still lost in thought until finally noticing her, “Oh...I don't know, just a bit confused how the Alliance could know what we were up to, almost before we did. Maybe it was all coincidental.”

    “Or maybe it's not.” Edhen astutely thought aloud, “Whoever did this, they would have had to scout the area. They would have needed intelligence about which building to strike. Most of all, they would have needed to know where your man Jameson was located in the precinct. But if I had to guess, they expected you and your people to be there, either inside or in the vicinity, with the intention of speaking to him and the blast was meant to silence Jameson. What they may not have counted on was you waiting for me.” Edhen paused, an epiphany dawning in her mind, “Or they used me as a distraction...a distraction to lure you away from Jameson, from finding out whatever you needed to know.”

    The thought of having been used as a tool, in addition to having been assaulted, only served to increase the discomfort she felt. A side effect of this, is that it changed what her perceptions of the war were and how it had reached out and found her, however inconsequential it was to its overall outcome, it had still found a way to involve her. And while, after all this time, Edhen had never entirely condoned the work Tyler did, she did know it was a means to get by and now that the Alliance knew of her, she would use it as a means to an end.

    “I need you to do something for me, and it's something you may disagree with,” she started off, crossing her arms over her chest. “What the events of today showed us, is that you can't hide me away from your enemies anymore, and they discovered me one way or the other. There's no way you can protect me from them while you remain here.”

    Braedan stood there, with his wife's full attention, showing Edhen the respect to let her finish.

    The Courtesan's voice then grew icy as she continued, “I want you to find those responsible for violating my body and stealing my honor. I want you to find those who indiscriminately murdered my people, without thought or reason. By the power granted to me by my position, I hereby bestow to you the authority of the Dominion to consentaneam vindictam, a rite only enacted in times of war when our enemies have been found to willfully target innocents.”

    Tyler cocked an eyebrow, “Edhen...are you sure you want this? Are you certain what you're asking of me?”

    “They have now wronged us both. Only someone should have warned them about giving a Xelanite woman motive for revenge, for our knives plunge into our victims slowly, letting them feel the agony of every inch before they're allowed to die,” her words were chilling, like someone with firsthand knowledge of how to kill.

    “Is this what you truly desire?” Tyler repeated.

    “Yes,” Edhen spoke without a hint of hesitation. Putting a hand on his cheek, “I want them to die – I want them all to die.”

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Promitto – I promise

    Lava locus – Wash room

    Consentaneam vindictam – Rightful vengeance

  15. #75

    Default Re: Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 25/9/17)

    Quote Originally Posted by NorseThing View Post
    It is a great tale -- do not rush it just to post. I have a feeling that I probably do shorter posts (about 2/3 of your posts). I am not saying yours are too long, maybe mine are too short though.
    Thanks for the feedback, since I always like attracting new readers to the story.

    There's something about writing 'short' posts that, for whatever odd reason, don't sit well with me. There's the argument that a writer can cram a lot of detail into, say...a couple pages, but that takes away from the subtleties and nuances that could enhance the story. Personally, I find that exploring characters and their motives for doing what they do to be essential, and I employ a mix of the story influencing the characters and the characters influencing the story. What that results in are posts that usually fall into the 4-6 page range, on average, when in the process of writing them before posting, but can vary depending on the needs of the chapter I'm working on.

  16. #76
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 31/12/17)

    I almost missed your New Year's Day update! Braedan was feeling helpless before the revelation from Edhen, but after her news, it sounds like his feelings are very different!

  17. #77

    Default Re: Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 31/12/17)

    I have only finished till Diversion 1 .But i have to say ,the storyline is great and well developed now .I wonder what will happen to the girl now .
    I like the description of the bar with energetic lights and patrons .

    There are two things i must tell you
    1)First it brought to my light that you can use the word 'Whore ' .I would like to use it in my own stories .
    2)Why don't make a word dictionary or something .I find it hard to remember the many names of people and places .
    100% mobile poster so pls forgive grammer

  18. #78

    Default Re: Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 31/12/17)

    Quote Originally Posted by mad orc View Post
    2)Why don't make a word dictionary or something .I find it hard to remember the many names of people and places .
    Whenever I get around to writing the next part of the story, I'll take that into consideration. I attempted something similar with the first part, but after several posts, with all the people, places, and things which were being added at the time, it fell by the wayside because it was a lot of extra work to something that I didn't feel was imperative right then. It's understandable though, especially for those who only recently became acquainted with the story, that there's a lot to digest, in regard to terminology, places, things, events, characters and so on, and it can feel overwhelming. It might clutter up the first post, but having all the information right there, instead of needing to scour through each update individually, would probably help some in absorbing all the details and not having it be a daunting endeavor to work through it all.

  19. #79
    Basileos Leandros I's Avatar Writing is an art
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    Default Re: Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 31/12/17)

    Hi Hunter,

    First off, thank you for critiquing my piece.

    I'm starting with a bit of a disclaimer - I don't usually read SF / fantasy so this is something relatively new for me. That being said, I have a two tidbits to share:

    1. Your descriptions sometimes can be a bit overly descriptive. As a reader, I prefer to imagine a bit more rather, but this is just from my perspective as a reader.

    Every reader is different and while some prefer more descriptive settings, there's also those like me who I imagine like to imagine more on how the place looks like, creating our own painting.

    2. I like the dialogue, it's snappy, I like that. One thing I have to comment on is the heavy, formal language which sometimes appears, which can create an odd formality for a dialogue that's snappy and cursive.

    Ja mata, TosaInu. Forever remembered.

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  20. #80

    Default Re: Titanium Core: Borderlands (Updated 31/12/17)

    Quote Originally Posted by Basileos Leandros I View Post
    Hi Hunter,

    First off, thank you for critiquing my piece.

    I'm starting with a bit of a disclaimer - I don't usually read SF / fantasy so this is something relatively new for me. That being said, I have a two tidbits to share:

    1. Your descriptions sometimes can be a bit overly descriptive. As a reader, I prefer to imagine a bit more rather, but this is just from my perspective as a reader.

    Every reader is different and while some prefer more descriptive settings, there's also those like me who I imagine like to imagine more on how the place looks like, creating our own painting.

    2. I like the dialogue, it's snappy, I like that. One thing I have to comment on is the heavy, formal language which sometimes appears, which can create an odd formality for a dialogue that's snappy and cursive.

    Firstly, I appreciate you taking the time to read through some of my work, and in turn leaving a critique.

    1) I've noticed that a lot myself, after having gone back several times to re-read some of the older chapters. Personally, for whatever odd reason, I don't like using shortened sentences, like those that only contain a few words. Which is why, I suppose, I tend to over-compensate by composing long, drawn out sentences. It's a bad habit, I know, and will strive to steer away from that tendency.

    2) In differentiating between the characters, I prefer writing them in a way the reader can tell between those who are formal and informal. Admittedly though, I do tend to include dialogue for informal characters that doesn't suit them, maybe as a way of having them seem caught in the moment. I'll work on writing dialogue better suited for the characters(s) involved.

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