A Modest Proposal by Charles, Prince of Wales, for the Rightful Return of the Upstart American Colonies to the British Empire, for Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II's Upcoming Birthday

[Roma_Victrix]

Dear reader (and American citizens for whom this proposal directly concerns),

I welcome you to entertain this most modest proposal of mine to return the aforementioned treasonous colonies (calling themselves the United States since 4 July 1776) to their rightful progenitor, the British Empire, no later than 21 April 2015, to celebrate the 89th birthday of my mother, Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. She would be most delighted! No matter the attempts, whether it be my marriage to Diana, my second marriage, my birthing of various grandchildren for her and future heirs to the throne, or the most ostentatious of birthday presents, she has never been satisfied with a thing I have done for her or given to her. Her constant look of disapproval weighs heavily on me. She's a hard one to please, my mum. Only a substantial gift for her 89th birthday will do.

Therefore, it is the wish and the aim of this proposal to induce the Congress of those United States to accept the Acts of Union 2015, a bill that I shall soon submit to the Parliament of the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland at Westminster. In this act, the United States shall not simply become a member of the existing Commonwealth realm of sovereign states (Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Jamaica, etc.) observing my mum Elizabeth II as their constitutional monarch. Rather it shall join as a direct appendage to the newly christened United Kingdom of Great Britain, Northern Ireland, and North America. What a lovely title!

It goes without saying that the United Kingdom gives thanks to every American who fought alongside us in the World Wars, and we truly appreciate the cooperation we have received from your United States on many other fronts. However, it is high time that the colonists recognised their forefathers' treachery, foremost among them George Washington and the other founders of villainy and contempt for British authority and magnanimity. Of course, this Act shall require the voluntary dissolving of your federal government, the official resignation of your residing President Barack Obama, and the recognition of each state (nay, colonial) government that total supremacy of authority resides in Westminster, with David Cameron as your Prime Minister, lord, and master.

I fear that some frightful American hoodlums and hillbillies (as they are known in your charming nomenclature) owning firearms - thanks to your abominable Second Amendment to your illegitimate Constitution - will reject this Act outright and stir yet another rebellion against the British Crown. For that I have just the solution! Where Charles Cornwallis, 1st Marquess Cornwallis failed in putting down the colonial revolt, our brave and studious General Sir John Nicholas Reynolds Houghton, Chief of the Defence Staff for the British Armed Forces, shall prevail against such uncivil and ungentlemanly guerrilla tactics. I dare say he has some experience with this sort of warfare, as Commanding Officer of the 1st Battalion, The Green Howards, in Northern Ireland during The Troubles.



Of course, as a mere veteran pilot for the Royal Air Force and Royal Navy, I will leave the commanding and strategic planning to those who know their business, like our dear and beloved Nick pictured here. I'm sure he will conceive a far better plan for an operational landing than our admittedly botched attempt in 1812. By April I look forward to relaxing comfortably in colonial Miami, sitting tranquilly at an outdoor cafe with Houghton while smoking a pipe or sipping on one of those neat little mojitos as you colonials call them. Or we could do this the hard way, and I could be wearing a combat helmet while sipping on my mojito instead. It's your choice, America.

Sadly, my dearest mum won't live forever, so please, allow me to do something nice for her birthday. And when the day comes that she passes away, and may she rest in peace, I shall inherit the throne and be your king, Charles III.

Yours most faithfully,
Charles, Prince of Wales

[Mhaedros]

Hear, hear! About time I say.

[Derpy Hooves]

>pulls down pants and shakes butt at the royal family
Screw the royal family. They have no legitimacy anyways. True legitimacy comes from the people

[mishkin]

Support

[Roma_Victrix]

Support

I am most pleasantly surprised to see some degree of Spanish support for this proposal! We are fellow members of the EU after all. Strangely enough, these proposed Acts of Union 2015 would make the (former) United States a part of our European Union as well, by default of their attachment to the United Kingdom. It wouldn't be much of a drastic change for NATO, though, just the acquiring of one member by another.

Hear, hear! About time I say.

I am so very pleased by your support. I salute you, dear Finlander!

>pulls down pants and shakes butt at the royal family
Screw the royal family. They have no legitimacy anyways. True legitimacy comes from the people

Now do you see, dear reader, that it is precisely this sort of insubordinate attitude crudely expressed by the barbaric colonials that requires firm rebuking by Her Majesty's armed forces? One of the first acts of Parliament passed after the Acts of Union 2015 should be a law outlining the strict penalties for colonials who disparage the royal family, especially with such outrageous public nudity as is described here.

[Dracula]

Has Charles said in reality something like that ?

[Mhaedros]

Now do you see, dear reader, that it is precisely this sort of insubordinate attitude of the barbaric colonials that requires firm rebuking by Her Majesty's armed forces? One of the first acts of Parliament passed after the Acts
of Union 2015 should be a law outlining the strict penalties for colonials who disparage the royal family, especially with such outrageous public nudity as is described here.

You could banish them to Texas, people would think twice before insulting the monarchy again.

[Roma_Victrix]

You could banish them to Texas, people would think twice before insulting the monarchy again.

Quite right, old chap! What a marvellous idea. The flatlands of Texas could very well be our second Australia, a penal colony for all the sordid rebels, malcontents and outlaws of the colonies.

[Derpy Hooves]

​Of course the Euros would support this, they're so jealous of our power that they would rather a fellow Euro be powerful than some "upstart" across the Atlantic. I'd rather like to see the weak Brits try bringing us back under their thumbs. It would be extremely amusing.

[Derpy Hooves]

Frankly, I'd like to see them try getting over here in the first place



​BTW: I do know this is a joke thread

[Roma_Victrix]

Has Charles said in reality something like that ?

My dear Romanian friend, are you of fellow noble stock, not within the peerage of the UK, of course, but a count (at the very least) in your own lands? Do you not recognise me when you see me? I assure you with all certainty that I am Charles, Prince of Wales.

​Of course the Euros would support this, they're so jealous of our power that they would rather a fellow Euro be powerful than some "upstart" across the Atlantic. I'd rather like to see the weak Brits try bringing us back under their thumbs. It would be extremely amusing.

Yes, it is true, unlike the days of yesteryear when the British navy ruled the waves at sea, we are now in a very diminished state, while your US has built up quite the behemoth-sized arsenal and the world's largest defense budget. That is why we are hoping this union can be done peacefully, through a joint act of your Congress and our Parliament. I'm sure some of your representatives and senators could be persuaded, preferably with some pounds sterling, and perhaps also with properties and titles of peerage in the UK.

[Derpy Hooves]

My dear Romanian friend, are you of fellow noble stock, not within the peerage of the UK, of course, but a count (at the very least) in your own lands? Do you not recognise me when you see me? I assure you with all certainty that I am Charles, Prince of Wales.



Yes, it is true, unlike the days of yesteryear when the British navy ruled the waves at sea, we are now in a very diminished state, while your US has built up quite the behemoth-sized arsenal and the world's largest defense budget. That is why we are hoping this union can be done peacefully, through a joint act of your Congress and our Parliament. I'm sure some of your representatives and senators could be persuaded, preferably with some pounds sterling.

>implying Britain is richer than the US to offer such a bribe
Good luck. They already get a lot of money from the corporations, and they would win more votes by opposing such a measure.

[Sir Adrian]

Avian support.

[Dracula]

So the English Queen isn't satisfied. That's not of a news.

[Roma_Victrix]

>implying Britain is richer than the US to offer such a bribe
Good luck. They already get a lot of money from the corporations, and they would win more votes by opposing such a measure.

Yes, it is true that the annual gross domestic product of your United States ($16.8 trillion) far exceeds that of the UK ($2.5 trillion). It is also true that your representatives and senators are beholden to the powerful domestic corporations. It is therefore the prerogative of the UK, preceding this proposed Acts of Union 2015, to cajole and privately win over your greatest congressional donors, such as the prestigious brothers Charles and David Koch of Koch Industries, Inc. Follow the money, I say! And then you will win over the US Congress. It's just as the insightful Numidian King Jugurtha once said of Rome: it's a city for sale, so long as you know the right price.

Perhaps the distinguished Koch brothers would fancy year-round free room and board at Buckingham Palace and Windsor Castle? I might even consider the establishment of a new duchy for Bill Gates.

Avian support.

How odd yet fantastic it is to have the support of the birds in the sky! Truly, this proposal shall be carried forth, on literal wings if necessary.

[Knight of Heaven]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Hold on hold on, who gives you the right?
In that case, I Cavaco Silva President of the Portuguese Republic, here by ask most modestely the return of the lost sheep to the fold. From Goa to Brazil from Angola to Macau.
Im not going to be President much longer, and before my mandate runs out, i want to have something nice in my curriculum, what better then putting the Empire back together?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Before i go, they wont call me Mummy no more

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

before i go one last shot for the win

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

[Derpy Hooves]

There's no amount of money that the Brits coUld give that the Koch brothers couldn't already provide for themselves via salary and investments. In fact, British takeover would be against their interests.

[Mhaedros]

There's no amount of money that the Brits coUld give that the Koch brothers couldn't already provide for themselves via salary and investments. In fact, British takeover would be against their interests.

What if the brits told they they could exchange all their existing dollars to pounds sterling one to one? The money they had would go up in value by some 50% wouldn't it?

I think that's how money works

[Maximinus Thrax]

CdeC support.

[mishkin]

Move to vote?