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Thread: The Face of Murder (SS)

  1. #1
    Ussaid the Hashshashin's Avatar Ordinarius
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    Default The Face of Murder (SS)

    This short story was also submitted for a "Tale of the Week" competition, although this version is slightly improved. Story is full of metaphors and symbolism. Enjoy!


    The Face of Murder
    16th March

    The unending blood-thirst of these men is petrifying. I have lived at this place for too, too long have I heard these mean-spirited oaths and curses, witnessing scenes of forbidding warriors unleashing their wrath on unwary victims, every single day. Their blades are rusty and bloody, being the last sight of many poor souls. The hatred of this vile place is MADDENING! Yet perhaps the worst of all this is that this insanity is glorified! The halls are dotted with haunting pictures of celebrated murderers and destroyers, songs in their remembrance still sung centuries past. And in the middle of all this, I silently watch these horrors. I watch these men slaughter others, I watch them live and die. What was before this madness is long beyond my recollection; there is only this bloodshed and its participants, with my eyes following their movements. An old man below my apartment shares my feelings, and I believe he is my last saving grace from madness, but his health is declining and he can barely talk now.

    20th November

    Somehow, I am beginning to enjoy this place! The splattering of blood has now become music to my ears, and I cherish even the thought of its sweet sound! The songs sung in the halls are as beautiful as the images on these walls, although I think the pictures are changing their appearance.

    30th December

    The euphoria that I am experiencing right now is beyond mere words! My thoughts are dizzy and my limbs light, yet it feels like paradise! The day before yesterday, there was no bloodshed. It made me uncomfortable, yet I wasn’t worried; the next day will come with the next death. However, yesterday, too, there was no death, there was no blood, and there was none of that sweet, calming sound of gashing liquid. I grew very impatient, yet still I knew the next morning will solve everything. Today there was no killing again. It drove my senses to madness, as I curved into a ball on the floor and screamed in agony. Then, the sight of the old man downstairs crossed my mind. I at once took a dagger and went down to slit open his throat, and then bathed under the spray of the rushing blood. I tasted it on my lips, I felt the warmth on my hands. When I turned, I saw the images on the walls have changed completely; now they resemble a calming scene of demons consuming various meats around a round table, with hellfire burning around them. Then the door of the hall opened, and the warriors, whose faces have changed to look like corpses, invited me inside and we sang a beautiful song detailing my enlightenment. I looked inside my bowl of water and saw my improved reflection; a blackened, rotten face. The sweet face of murder!
    The Face of Murder

    "Have any of you ever felt your imagination going wild reading ancient lore?"

  2. #2
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: The Face of Murder (SS)

    A horrifying and disturbing portrayal of madness and blood-lust - you pack an impressive amount of horror and nightmare imagery into a few words.

  3. #3
    Ussaid the Hashshashin's Avatar Ordinarius
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    Default Re: The Face of Murder (SS)

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    A horrifying and disturbing portrayal of madness and blood-lust - you pack an impressive amount of horror and nightmare imagery into a few words.
    I hope you're are honest about that
    The Face of Murder

    "Have any of you ever felt your imagination going wild reading ancient lore?"

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    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: The Face of Murder (SS)

    I certainly am. You have a talent for writing that has a strong impact in just a few words. (I am always looking for advice, feedback and suggestions on my Irish AAR - there's a link in my signature, if you would like to comment.)

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    Ussaid the Hashshashin's Avatar Ordinarius
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    Default Re: The Face of Murder (SS)

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    I certainly am. You have a talent for writing that has a strong impact in just a few words. (I am always looking for advice, feedback and suggestions on my Irish AAR - there's a link in my signature, if you would like to comment.)
    Well, I am flattened! But still some criticism?
    The Face of Murder

    "Have any of you ever felt your imagination going wild reading ancient lore?"

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    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: The Face of Murder (SS)

    Your story does a haunting job of presenting this character's transformation into 'the sweet face of murder'. I wonder if you could do more with the middle part, the entry for 20th November. Was the character resisting the change? What was the old man doing on 20th November? You mentioned that the pictures were startling to look different, which made me want to know more - in what way were they looking different, in the eyes of their character? (Obviously, I appreciate that this was originally a 'Tale of the Week' entry, so you had a strict word limit which probably made it very difficult or impossible to expand on the description of 20th November).

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    NCR's Avatar Libertus
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    Default Re: The Face of Murder (SS)

    It paints a pretty picture. Despite the amount of words being less than what I am used to, the detail in those few words more than make up for it. It is an excellent writing style, less is more, though I agree with Alwyn; maybe a bit more about the middle part. Anyway, I think it is a great piece.

  8. #8
    Ussaid the Hashshashin's Avatar Ordinarius
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    Default Re: The Face of Murder (SS)

    Well, there sure is a lack of reputation considering the reception If you know what I mean
    The Face of Murder

    "Have any of you ever felt your imagination going wild reading ancient lore?"

  9. #9

    Default Re: The Face of Murder (SS)

    Are you the army guys grand son, neatest cattle


  10. #10
    Shankbot de Bodemloze's Avatar From the Writers Study!
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    Default Re: The Face of Murder (SS)

    I think it is only right that I comment.

    Great job with the tale.
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  11. #11
    NCR's Avatar Libertus
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    Default Re: The Face of Murder (SS)

    I can't rep. I will when I can!

  12. #12
    Ussaid the Hashshashin's Avatar Ordinarius
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    Default Re: The Face of Murder (SS)

    Quote Originally Posted by NCR View Post
    I can't rep. I will when I can!
    That reminds me, I am actually going very low on reputation, considering the amount of posts I place here in the forums. It is actually embarrassing...
    The Face of Murder

    "Have any of you ever felt your imagination going wild reading ancient lore?"

  13. #13

    Default Re: The Face of Murder (SS)

    Really enjoying the Psychotic atmposphere. Will rep as when I've hit the 25 post mark!

  14. #14
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    Default Re: The Face of Murder (SS)

    A most disturbing piece but it shows how easily we can become numb and even enjoy evil. Well done. +rep
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  15. #15
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    Default Re: The Face of Murder (SS)

    Quote Originally Posted by Scottish King View Post
    A most disturbing piece but it shows how easily we can become numb and even enjoy evil. Well done. +rep
    The story is actually inspired from my own experiences, however in reverse.

    And thank you everyone for their kind words! This is what we write for anyways; positive reception!
    The Face of Murder

    "Have any of you ever felt your imagination going wild reading ancient lore?"

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