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Thread: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

  1. #61
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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    This diablo series veteran approves.

    May the great eye watch over your party >.>
    With great power, comes great chonky dragons to feed enemies of the state. --Targaryens?
    Spoiler for wait what dragons?



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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    Maltacus asked if I have played Diablo II - I haven't, although I have played fairly similar games. This looks like fun!

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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    Episode 4. Freezing Arrow
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Maltatai: Welcome to the next update. No longer needing to suffer the desolate emptiness of solitude, Rapunzel is able to enjoy the fabled seriousness and soothing calm of Amazon company that we all know so well, in the form of a stout and stalwart companion. It must be a tremendous relief!

    Rapunzel: The presence of a valkyrie provides a convenient distraction for the enemies and adds to the effectiveness of all area attacks since they may hit clustering enemies. While maintaining an efficient working relationship, the collegial bonding is less than adequate.

    Maltatai: How sad to hear. What is the problem? It's not one of the others old valkyries come to haunt you, is it?

    Rapunzel: Not to my knowledge, no. She is called Goldielocks and is by all means a respectable valkyrie yet her peculiar ideas are difficult to relate to on a personal level.



    Maltatai: Such as?

    Rapunzel: She firmly believes that druids that favour the werebear form would be the ideal purveyors of drink and potions. Ideally there should be a small countryside distillery run as a family business. One would come and find the keg of the largest bear and the bottle of the middle bear and the glass of the small bear. And to add a little thrill to your meal you would attempt to sneak away with the personal dishes of each! That lack of manners is severely lacking in logic. To think that the hosts would return with outraged exclamations that someone had eaten their porridge and slept in their beds! What sort of way is that to make acquaintance?

    Maltatai: She should try it at the Infernal Keepers Evil Association furniture department, hehehe...

    Rapunzel: The deeper meaning of this statement escapes me. Please clarify.

    Maltatai: Said furniture-mongers has been a most singular success from my homeland, especially considering that the products are characterised by being flimsy and rickety objects that the customer is required to assemble on his own. A task that would at times even challenge the Horadric cube! And this low cost low elegance collection of haphazard junk bolted together by the unproficient hands of the purchasing layman has abroad become something of a mark of style and elegance among other people.

    Rapunzel: The connection to the matter of unbecoming behaviour of a guest yet eludes me.

    Maltatai: Yes, well, the point is that among some of the enthusiastic customers or potential customers there has developed a widespread habit of sleeping in the beds and other comfortable products set on display in the, shall we call it furniture markets. To the slight irritation of the vendors, although at the same time a very real testament to the quality of the products.

    Rapunzel: Your homeland evidently is the origin of more than one peculiar export.

    Maltatai: A native of the world of Sanctuary is one to talk... On to the dangerous lords from hell! How has the acquired skills and equipment stood up to Duriels flabby ferociousness?

    Rapunzel: Your assessment of the situation has proven to be flawed, master. Inadequate data has led to suboptimal priorities in equipment and a failure to produce the battle tactics necessary to offset the severe hostile onslaught.

    Maltatai: The presence of the present company suggests otherwise, but be my guest to elaborate.

    Rapunzel: I was under the impression that cold and physical damage were the main dangers associated with the lord of pain. And consequently that substantial blocking and cold resistance gathered from items and thawing potions would be the proper counters.

    Maltatai: And these did not live up to their reputation I take it?

    Rapunzel: While posing a substantial danger not mitigated the least by the confined space, both are clearly secondary concerns when put in the context of the description-defying contents of the floor of the chamber.

    Maltatai: Ah, I see. Of course. It's a known reaction among glorious heroes.

    Rapunzel: And yet no warning was issued! The lack of forewarning and withholding of vital and decisive information is, with due respect, master, unacceptable.

    Maltatai: Shall I set up a comprehensive "slime and goo index" concerning the expected battlegrounds of Sanctuary? The undertaking is monumental, I might add.

    Rapunzel: That is actually not a bad idea. Perhaps an added benefit would be the prevention of more distracting frivolities such as the populist news media. Already it presents a promising combination of benefits and bonuses.

    Maltatai: A comment worthy of a bowazon if ever there was one. Am I to understand that you have started delving into the chilling world of archery now?

    Rapunzel: Indeed! Though it may be fairly pointed out that the frozen arrows are so far only on in an experimental phase, far too expensive to be sustained for a longer time and not strong enough to counter the lack of continuous shooting. That said, the disabling capabilities are most concrete.

    Maltatai: Will archery be outdoing thrusting in the future?

    Rapunzel: That is entirely dependant on the items. I think that in the absence of good bows and javelins it will be the javelin skills that are most useful since they provide hit-and-run abilities from the poison as well as cheaper damage focused on one enemy which limits the effect of enemy regeneration.




    Maltatai: A worthy assessment. One I would see proven moot by future delving into the treasuries of commanding demons.

    Rapunzel: Initial results point the other way.

    Maltatai: That looked fortunate! But I'm sure some sort of bow turned up too.

    Rapunzel: The broad scape of such a generalisation means it will almost doubtlessly be proven true eventually.

    Maltatai: Such is the way of Ormus and us other wise and coherent sages. I'm also sure that some useful bow turned up in time to make a difference in the later parts of normal.

    Rapunzel: One slightly lacklustre rare bow from Diablo, which would nevertheless have been a solid addition had my bow skills been more developed at this stage.



    I later discovered a more suitable war javelin, with mana leeching among other things. Loot has so far been of optimal usefulness for the tasks at hand. Following the discovery of various cold resistance items prior to engaging Duriel, I have been able to obtain the Stormguild large shield, a cold and a lightning resistance grand charm, crafted blood gloves with some magic find and a ring with cold and lightning resistance, magic find and dexterity as well as gambled a circlet with cold and poison resistance. The lord of hatred consequently proved to be ineffective, while Diablo has been hampered by the Nokozan relic and the blocking of Stormguild.

    Maltatai: May future discoveries continue to be of equal relevance.

    Rapunzel: Actually...

    Disturbing crowd: "Disturbing noise"

    Askungen: Hello there!

    Snövit: Greetings, storytellers!

    Rödluvan: Stay a while and...no.

    Törnrosa. Be saluted, chosen judge.

    Snövit: We want an update! How goes the evaluation? Has Frozen Arrow proven superior yet?

    Rapunzel: But...this is highly irregular.

    Maltatai: Yes, minor units of archers and javelineers are usually aptly described as irregular forces.

    Rapunzel: That comment does not aid in the disentanglement of the subjects of discussion here.

    Askungen: Ignore that bookworm.

    Rödluvan: Yes, what about the flaming flames? Surely you have conjured up some endgame superior super way of strengthening the explosions that will mop the floor with all other elements!

    Rapunzel: I question the wisdom in this. Premature divulging of my conclusions drawn so far may compromise my impartiality.

    Snövit: Nah, just ease up on that. Arbiter, not judge, remember? You can say what you want and change your mind any number of times later.

    Askungen: Besides, we voted for it.

    Törnrosa. Fear not, for it would please the light if you would share your thoughts with us, so that you could if needed be gently guided back towards the right path...

    Rapunzel: In that case...please specify what you would like to be informed about.

    Rödluvan: What element is in the lead so far? Which attack looks to be the best? "Whisper": exploding arrows...

    Rapunzel: Hm, initially I have studied frozen arrows more than the burning ones...

    Snövit: Of course! Irresistible, aren't they?

    Rapunzel: While effective, the frozen arrow is also notably expensive and is less than optimal as a weapon against strong individuals.

    Rödluvan: Precisely! Whereas exploding arrows will be more reasonably priced. And able to boost by lots of fire damage from other items!

    Rapunzel: While that is true...

    Snövit: The same can be done for frozen arrows, boosting the freeze length as well.

    Rödluvan: Only in a...

    Rapunzel: Order!

    Snövit: Right.

    Rödluvan: Of course.

    Rapunzel: My conclusions so far point to no clear winner among the arrows. Freezing arrows are harder to enhance to the same degree as exploding arrows due to cold damage on items often being lower than fire damage of comparable level. Adding to that, however, is the fact that cold damage sources do indeed increase the freeze length which is a useful asset that is complicated to put in relation to higher or cheaper fire damage. One more factor affecting the choice of superior element is the ability of immolation arrows to negate the regeneration of a stationary enemy by dealing continuous damage over time, which is likely to be highly useful against poison immune enemies.

    Snövit: Ooooh....

    Rödluvan: Well thought!

    Rapunzel: Regarding items to enhance the damage certain weapons come to mind. It would appear that the enchantment from the demon limb gives fire damage a definitive edge...

    Rödluvan: Yes! Tried and tested with great success!

    Rapunzel: ...but the cold damage can be substantially increased by using the more easily obtained Wizendraw, which of course prevents a more potent bow from being used to supplement the elemental damage.

    Snövit: That sounds promising!

    Rapunzel: Concerning charged strike, while capable of high focused damage...

    Törnrosa: ...it also delivers you by delivering spread area damage against groups and overall supreme damage per second, as you no doubt already have concluded.

    Rapunzel: Deviation from protocol does not further the clarity of my explanation.

    Askungen: "muffled giggle"

    Rapunzel: Charged strike does provide great damage potential but it is also highly unreliable with the minimum damage being negligible. It would appear that a combination of freezing and lightning attacks could yield great results since the incapacitation of the enemy allows for more thrusts if the first ones would deal little damage, while the more expensive freezing arrows would not need to supply the bulk of the damage but may be utilized as an opening move to incapacitate and a finishing move to freeze and shatter the enemies.

    Törnrosa: Mingle pure lightning...with common marketeers and mongerers?

    Rapunzel: Is that a major impediment?

    Törnrosa: It is just so...so inefficient! Consider all the resources that go to waste when left to a privatized free economy.

    Snövit. I beg to differ! Sound competition will ensure that the optimal alternative wins and is used!

    Törnrosa: The optimal alternative when it comes to getting sold, not when it comes to solving the problem!

    Snövit: Nonsense and slander!

    Törnrosa: On the contrary. Consider this: a company or other enterprise selling a service is only interested in what it takes to make the buyer pay. Sure, it may be in their interest to nurture a good reputation but the means of doing so are by no means necessarily synonymous with actually giving the buyer something of worth. What the seller is after is only the impression that it has delivered something of worth.

    Rapunzel: Why does this exclude the possibility of yielding the most effective results?

    Törnrosa. I...what?!

    Rapunzel: I consider it a good observation and a factor worth consideration when measuring and calculating the efficiency of different approaches to problem solving. However, I have yet to hear why this factor should be the only one worth considering when it comes to commercially motivated alternatives, or why it should consequently be adorned with such tremendous importance.

    Snövit: Ha! Spot on!

    Törnrosa: Even the luckiest of earthly enterprises will pale in comparison when faced with the truly divine. Such boons will make everyone struck with awe, except the heathen heretics who will best truck with righteous lightning.

    Snövit: And then the boon wears off and everyone wakes up from their delirium with a crackling hangover and no more cheating powers. However, solid equipment and material gained by ones own efforts are so very much more reliable as well as strengthening for ones character, instead of reliance on deliverance from whatever unmatchable powers higher up. Wouldn't you say so, Rapunzel?



    Rapunzel: The boost in confidence from self-sufficiency and seeing ones work yield results would be obvious in most cases. There does however seem to be a flaw in your reasoning in that you assume that all higher powers, as you label them, are also by definition inconsistent or otherwise of suboptimal usefulness?

    Snövit: Suboptimal usefulness! That's putting it mildly! We don't need the meddling of obscure and conspiring celestial gits.

    Rapunzel: Be that as it may the object of debate is which kind of help is the most useful in an amazons career and I have yet to come to the conclusion that one is always preferable to the other. Consider the combat shrine for example. Bowazons are typically at a critical state in their development when facing normal Diablo. The main damage skills are not developed enough and powerful equipment is rare at that particular stage of the game, as opposed to the next Act.



    Therefore, such one-time obstacles may present a greater impediment than a whole Act together. The prime example would be the Ancients of course. And in such cases a boost of decisive importance for just one short moment may prove more valuable for the overall progress than the addition of a very powerful item.

    Rödluvan: Like the fire shrine! Boom!

    Snövit: We were talking about temporary beneficial boons, not reckless pyromaniac behaviour.

    Rapunzel: And reversely, the discovery of a key object, such as a gem or rune that allows for a weapon upgrade prior to an important confrontation, may just as well outdo any shrine in importance...



    Maltatai: Never a moments peace for those dealing with bowazons and javazons. But perhaps some will be found in the next episode. Over and out.
    The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons - Completed.
    An Orcs Tale, a Third Age AAR - Completed.
    Reviewed by Alwyn in the Critics Quill
    My Dread Lady, a Warcraft Total War AAR - 27 chapters done.
    Home to Midgard, a Third Age AAR about two dwarves, a spy and a diplomat - Completed (pictures remade up to chapter 19).
    Reviewed by Boustrophedon in The Critics Quill

  4. #64
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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    Episode 666. In which Rödluvan is Unsafe for Work
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Maltatai: This series include absurd and completely exaggerated archetypical behavior, self-centered nonsense from the authors part and internal logic that lacks credibility and defies reality. The present episode is extremely unsuitable and should not be read by anyone. Still here? Well, that shows how effective these kinds of beginning disclaimers are...

    Random Bickering Amazon: No, you are TOTALLY wrong. I am quite right.

    Random Other Bickering Amazon: On the contrary - YOU are wrong.

    Maltatai: That's right. I don't even bother writing out the names of the quarrellers any more.

    Random Bickering Amazon: YOU are preposterous.

    Maltatai: Hi. How are things?

    Snövit: The prodigal chronicler returns!

    Askungen: What have you been up to?

    Maltatai: Yes, yes, I know, please excuse my absence. The thing is, me and my Hydra Sorceress have purchased a boat at the end of the summer and we have had much to do with having it dry docked for the winter and acquiring additional gear. In my world there isn't the alternative of just heading off to plunder a random demon lords inventory but on the other hand it's generally easier to find something of actual use...

    Snövit: Is it a sailing boat?

    Maltatai: Duuuuh! Do ships have bows?

    Askungen: Tssshihihi! Bad influence seems to be exerted by both protagonists and chronicler.

    Snövit: You...are SEABORNE now!

    Maltatai: Remember that we have ice during the winter and beach our smaller vessels but technically, yes.

    Rödluvan: AWESOME!

    Snövit: Can you sleep in it during longer voyages?

    Maltatai: Yes, look, I brought a picture...

    Rödluvan: BEAUTIFUL! All RED!

    Maltatai: That's a bit of exaggeration, look, the lower part of the hull is dark blue with a little white and the deck and cabin is white...

    Rödluvan: PETTY DETAILS!

    Askungen: What's that material? And what's she called?

    Maltatai: It's a cast plastic hull. The material does not exist in Sanctuary but it's something akin to stiff rubber maybe, with a smooth surface. And well, ehm, being very vividly red we have named her Rödluvan actually...

    Rödluvan: "Hugs"


    Askungen: That was kind of cute of you.

    Maltatai: Mmmmf! I need to breathe if I'm going to tell more about Rödluvan, Rödluvan.

    Rödluvan: Right, captain! Or wait a moment, which one of you is captain? Will you take turns?

    Maltatai: That is currently a debated topic. The prerogative of being the last to leave the vessel and ordering the other to safety in the case of an emergency is fiercely vied for by the whole crew.

    Snövit: Tie yourselves together so you count as only one crewmember and jump together. Matter resolved.

    Maltatai: That's an...unrestricted way of counting.

    Snövit: Ha! I am after all the master of liberal economical thinking here.

    Maltatai: But since the question is not yet finally settled I suppose you will all have to address me as captain and consider me invested with the full authority stemming from such a position until anything else is settled in the matter...

    Askungen: Dream on!

    Rödluvan: Speaking of dreams, do you have beds on board?

    Maltatai: Yes, there are room enough for four, unless they are of Barbarian size. Two can sleep together before the mast. Or more accurately before the portal with the huge wooden beam that the mast rests on and which tall persons like me are liable to run into with their heads...

    Snövit: Eh, Maltatai, you know how sailors and shipbuilders often claim that a ship has something of a personality of it's own in the way she sails and behaves otherwise? We usually call it the ships spirit on the Amazonian Islands.

    Maltatai: Yes. I would probably count myself among those.

    Snövit: And would you also agree that the ships spirit is affected by the actions of her crew?

    Maltatai: Well, yes, I suppose. If you care a lot for your ship she will at some point hold together when she would be expected to break down. A captain with no devotion to his vessel is unworthy.

    Snövit: Then what on EARTH and SEA where you thinking when you named a boat where you two intend to sleep Rödluvan!?

    Maltatai: Hm, I...we...it's not that funny, Rödluvan.

    Rödluvan: "Smiles even broader"

    Askungen: What is Rödluvans spirit like?

    Maltatai: Of all boats I have been on she sails better than all but one. The rig is well oiled and tended to and hoisting the sails is almost ridiculously easy. She is well tended to, having lived with a nice crew but needs a new coat inside, nothing major. When I tell her to turn, she obeys...unlike some other boats I could think of... Unlike some others, this fish has fins.

    Snövit: Awwww...

    Askungen: Do you have any animals onboard?

    Maltatai: Most notably the spiders.

    Askungen: No!

    Maltatai: All small sailing boats seem to have them. They like nesting inside the mast and you generally find some when dismasting during autumn. They're quite cool, bungy jumping down to the ground away from you, and don't cause any trouble.

    Askungen: Maltatai! Don't be fooled...

    Snövit: Will you be doing repairs and stuff now before next summer?

    Maltatai: Yes, that's commonly done during spring. Now we have set up a sort of metal skeleton holding covers tied up to ward off the rain and snow, like a tent pretty much. There is some rust at the keel and new painting needed on the underside of the hull... And then you often polish and wax the upper part to gain a little speed but it's strictly speaking not necessary unless you intent to compete. It helps to keep dirt off, though, and looks nice. And the wooden parts should be oiled regularly, as well as all moving parts in the blocks and most screws of various types...what is it, Rödluvan?

    Rödluvan: "Blissfull gaze"

    Snövit: Someone is getting funny ideas...

    Rödluvan: "Smiles wider than ever"

    Maltatai: Are you in any way inclined to share it or do you want us to keep guessing for the rest of the chapter?

    Rödluvan: Aaaaanything you wish, my sweet captain, "purrrr..."

    Maltatai: What is this about, have you any idea how much you are overdoing your character?

    Rödluvan: Oh, I think you have earned the sweetest of words...because TECHNICALLY SPEAKING you and your sorceress have just so gently put me in my bed and pulled a blanket over me under which I will be sleeping during the winter...dreaming of spring with my two first mates...

    Snövit: "Blushes"

    Maltatai: "Facepalm"

    Rödluvan: ...TECHNICALLY SPEAKING oiling and rubbing me thoroughly until I get splashingly wet...

    Maltatai: ...from launching into the sea, yes, but there won't be much of a splash because you keep the boats secured with ropes...

    Rödluvan: ...oooh, tied up as well - exciting! And as you said, the better you rub, the quicker I go!

    Maltatai: Technically speaking: Shut up.

    Rödluvan: And after a long day of efforts you can both TECHNICALLY SPEAKING fall asleep in my arms...

    Maltatai: GOOD. NIGHT.

    Rödluvan: Can I have a picture of my two captains? It's nothing weird with having a picture of the captain on board a ship after all...but I have heard that sometimes you can have really hot pictures and since one is a fiery sorceress it would only be natural that the pictures are equally hot and...

    Maltatai: "Pulls blanket over Rödluvans head" Over and out.





    Last edited by Maltacus; December 20, 2017 at 04:47 PM.
    The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons - Completed.
    An Orcs Tale, a Third Age AAR - Completed.
    Reviewed by Alwyn in the Critics Quill
    My Dread Lady, a Warcraft Total War AAR - 27 chapters done.
    Home to Midgard, a Third Age AAR about two dwarves, a spy and a diplomat - Completed (pictures remade up to chapter 19).
    Reviewed by Boustrophedon in The Critics Quill

  5. #65
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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    Episode 5. Peace
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Maltatai: After certain extraneous and interruptive events things are now properly in order and we can look forward to a concise and disciplined report by Rapunzel.

    Rapunzel: Master, unidentified sounds merit further investigation before the briefing can be continued. Without a confirmed source, it is prudent to assume the possibility of a dire threat. There is a high probability that a possible threat is demon related given current political and metaphysical developments in Sanctuary.

    Maltatai: What kind of sounds are we talking about?

    Rapunzel: While the human mouth lacks the ability to completely articulate, it is akin to "zzz-tsssihihihihihi...zzz- tsssihihihihihi... zzz- tsssihihihihihi...". One hypothesis is that it is reptilian in some way which would suggest claw vipers as a possible alternative given their affinity for indirect magical interference.

    Maltatai: No, that is just an immature Lewdazon sleeping her maritime delusions off...

    Rapunzel: Are you certain? The sound is not matched by any description of the life forms of Sanctuary.

    Maltatai: Consider it identified. I have access to detailed files in that regard.

    Rapunzel: Well then, with reference to the last report and the discussion it did prompt I can now confirm the addition of equipment of hitherto unparalleled decisiveness.

    Maltatai: Oh, you managed to craft the Peace armour already, that was early!



    Rapunzel: ...

    Rapunzel: Is my report predictable to the point of being superfluous?

    Maltatai: Oh, of course not! One is probably not the optimal judge of the novelty factor of an Amazon chronicle anymore. On the other hand you may consider it quite an achievement of connecting with the listeners if they manage to see such things coming. I could of course pretend to be astonished by the news if you would like to tell it again.

    Rapunzel: The chronicler is asked to refrain from further nonsense of similar grade.

    Maltatai: Aided by the armour, the ancients have been promptly disposed of using the effective charged strike. May it and other skills bring great anguish to them in the future as well.

    Rapunzel: And from hijacking the storytelling! Besides, your grammar is suboptimal. It was the disposing of the ancients that were aided by the Peace armour, not the disposed of ancients.

    Maltatai: What do amazons say in THESE situaions?

    Rapunzel: That would be "petty details", yes, but repetition of a phrase does not render it in any way more correct or give greater weight to it in a debate.

    Maltatai: A fact that both politicians and civil servants have immense and stupefying difficulties to grasp. Speaking of repetitive, you must be getting pretty used to the sound of valkyries being summoned by now. Almost like the sound of holy bolt for clerics. But divided in, like, a hundred or so.

    Rapunzel: The summoning sound isn't extraordinarily annoying but the real obstacle is the rapid switching of personnel! With Goldielocks I could at least keep up a discussion despite the unorthodox topics...

    Maltatai: And this moment does for some inexplicable reason call for someone desperately begging the storyteller to exemplify what the current circumstances are like.

    Rapunzel: Was it Amanda? Or Mira? Lucy? You have no IDEA how hard it is to keep track of all the different conversations going on with each separate valkyrie! It typically goes something like this:

    "Mira: ...the local moss here is a surprising rarity which the late botanist...

    SCHVOOM!

    Amanda: ...ice cream mixed with slightly heated strawberries...

    SCHVOOM!

    Lucy: ...over his head and...

    SCHVOOM!

    Amanda: ...poured into...

    SCHVOOM!

    Mira: ...ear-like leaves of the...

    SCHVOOM!

    Lucy: ...fall. Having fallen...

    SCHVOOM!

    Amanda: ...one medium cup, served promptly."

    Maltatai: What's wrong?

    Rapunzel: What do you mean, "what's wrong?"?

    Maltatai: It makes almost perfect sense to me.

    Rapunzel: Would you be so kind to elaborate?

    Maltatai: Obviously, there is a local moss, quite a rarity, that the late botanist "Ice Cream" mixed with slightly heated strawberries and poured into the ear-like leaves of the fall (it was evidently autumn and so the leaves had crumbled into ear-like shapes), having fallen one's cup served promptly.

    No wonder they are so annoyed if people poured their desserts onto the ground like that! It certainly explains why they want to hammer everyone, and nest near such mossy terrain everywhere in the Western Kingdoms. Evidently they hope to trap this demonstratively mean botanist.

    Rapunzel: "Facepalm"

    Maltatai: Now that that thing is clarified, let us move on to the end of normal and the climactic battles with the mighty monstrosities that all hard work and adventure culminates in!

    Rapunzel: "Raises eyebrow"

    Maltatai: Well, someone has to raise the expectations here.

    Rapunzel: The ancients were swiftly and effectively dealt with. Further down I enjoyed the opportunity of freezing the minions of destruction in the customary manner.

    Maltatai: Indeed, good folk, we do not even deign to devote more than two sentences to the primary villains of normal difficulty. Alas, what a tedious and time consuming grind it must be.

    Rapunzel: I find your apparent surprise with that illogical given the amount of experience I have cause to expect.

    Maltatai: Perhaps I was in fact never truly paying attention... Nah, that can't be it. Ahem! Were there anything noteworthy in Baals stash?

    Rapunzel: YES.



    Maltatai: What a stylish flagpole!

    Rapunzel: Flagpole!? Clarification is requested.

    Maltatai: Don't the maiden pikes look a little like if they had a rolled up flag just under the tip, with that part of the shaft shifting in red and metal?

    Rapunzel: Your statement is without connection to reality and based on insubstantial foundations of fact.

    Maltatai: Is that so? Then please set a prime example of well supported and factual informing and deliver an equipment status report.

    Rapunzel: The bow is holding up well for now but can't sustain my mana. I think my new pike will solve most such issues if I can upgrade it but I'm slightly uncomfortable with being reduced to stabbing from behind the back of my valkyrie. I suppose that is inevitable for now. With additional cold charms more aggressive melee approaches may become viable. The increased player setting appears to yield little return initially, as the experience is poor and I am unable to maintain any acceptable efficiency while at the same time boosting the magic finding. How do tournament characters approach the situation?

    Maltatai: Trotting over the corpses of their dead hirelings, the UMT would claim... Additionally, the presence of certain runewords is a considerable factor but otherwise simply by grinding it out.

    Rapunzel: At least the unproductive state of affairs did not persist after I reached the Black Marsh.

    Maltatai: I noted that. A pity the tower does not aid the ranged amazons very much in nightmare. But maybe you still found something of note?

    Rapunzel: Not in itself but the acquisition of certain gems allowed me to upgrade parts of my equipment. I now wield the full might of formal ceremony from a distance.



    Maltatai: Good. Apart from that, nothing of note is happening in Act I in nightmare. It is as usual a boring time and place to be in.

    Rapunzel: Collected evidence does not support that broad generalization. Did Rödluvan not discover the Langer Briser in the nightmarish tower.

    Maltatai: Yes, but that was after actually having the act. And while looking for runes.

    Rapunzel: Why are those facts significant? If the item was obtainable at the place it should logically be obtainable at all times regardless of whether one had made progress in other areas.

    Maltatai: That assumes that only the officially known mechanics of Sanctuary apply. The cold and lightning seems able to get you a long way towards the alluring treasures of later nightmare. I suppose the world will throw an endless barrage of caster weapons against you now that you have mastered both spear and bow skills.

    Rapunzel: I question your complete assuredness that one never will find what one truly need in the world of Sanctuary. On the contrary, has not my predecessors discovered a vast array of useful equipment that they managed to put to decisive use?

    Maltatai: That is not the point, the point is that you never find what you are specifically looking for. As soon as you set your mind towards finding a specific piece of equipment the chances to run into everything else instead multiply instantly. That is why it is beneficial to keep several options open regarding equipment and style of engagement.

    Rapunzel: And this has been thoroughly tested?

    Maltatai: Years of field studies! Grueling hours of vain searching yielding indisputable conclusions even though the exact chain of events is unknown.

    Rapunzel: And there is no danger that any form of superstition or other sources of error in judgement may have affected the reasoning over time?

    Maltatai: Absolutely not! This is a well established fact among the authorities in Sanctuary physics. The greater the need for a specific object, the harder it becomes to find. Irrelevant artifacts and ditto of peripheral value does on the other hand drop like mortar projectiles in renaissance age strategy games (mortars are the coolest, shooting over walls and your own troops...).

    Rapunzel: The ultimate character would with regard to this then be someone who could use any non-class-specific weapon, cast spells and prebuff in some way, use both physical and elemental damage and take advantage of a shield while not depend on it.

    Maltatai: Yes, that sounds fairly ultimate.

    Rapunzel: Is it possible?

    Maltatai: You amazons come close, except your lack of casted damaging spells. Necromancers and paladins could probably piece together some sort of all skill build, focusing most points on damage spells. A sorceress archmage with enchant is another possible option, or an assassin if she can make cast rate improvements count. Barbarians lack variety of damage and druids are unwieldy due to their shapeshifting and casting split.

    Rapunzel: I am starting to worry about my life. At between five and six hundred it is quite low and I will have to put every effort into building up my strength and dexterity in order to be able to wield all weapons that the world will attempt to not give me.

    Maltatai: Just stay out of melees for the moment and you should be fine. You should be able to run away from most things nowadays, I understand. Oh, they are certainly soo stylish and almost on par with Aldurs. Not bad for a gamble in early nightmare!



    If nothing else works, we'll look for a belt of the whale and such to get the red up. I would prefer it to be solved by blood crafted gear though, it's much more stylish and potentially useful. Maybe even circlets could help, although a socket should preferably not be wasted on something so mundane as a ruby.

    Rapunzel: The Sol runes of Askungen did prove to be effective as well. Perhaps they would be worth assembling.

    Maltatai: Perhaps. That would be the shield mainly, then, but nothing wrong with that. You would benefit a lot from protection from minor enemy missiles since your offensive power is supposed to keep most enemies at a distance. Might even be worth it to try and craft some safety rings if only to make use of the gems and runes.

    Rapunzel: Crafted rings and a belt of the whale...I do remain somewhat skeptical towards these modest ambitions. It is my firm belief that thorough testing will require researching the treasure hunting capabilities of the respective skills. Performance under strained conditions due to wearing too much lucky gear, suitability for engaging Prime Evils and their door guards...



    Maltatai: There is of course no hint of eagerness to get ones share of the golden treasures that lurk behind such aspirations. Over and out.
    Last edited by Maltacus; December 20, 2017 at 04:48 PM.
    The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons - Completed.
    An Orcs Tale, a Third Age AAR - Completed.
    Reviewed by Alwyn in the Critics Quill
    My Dread Lady, a Warcraft Total War AAR - 27 chapters done.
    Home to Midgard, a Third Age AAR about two dwarves, a spy and a diplomat - Completed (pictures remade up to chapter 19).
    Reviewed by Boustrophedon in The Critics Quill

  6. #66

    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    The pictures and writing was good and complimentary.
    I like the way,you integrate the inventory in the story,"What a stylish flagpole".
    Best of luck.
    100% mobile poster so pls forgive grammer

  7. #67
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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    Episode 6. Annoyance
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Maltatai: Rapunzel the unspecialised stand in the dust and sand, lacking everything from lotion to sunglasses. Aided by her new valkyries and their diverse magical effects she unleashes her own arcane assaults against the vermin that arrogantly shrugs off the expertly resisted damage that they are specifically evolved to endure. It is truly like a most horrible dream, yet there is worse to come!



    Rapunzel: You are familiar with the sensation of being in a nightmare where you can not get out or away, trying to move or make a sound yet not able? Like you are glued to the floor?

    Maltatai: Yes, that totally does what the locust swarms do.

    Rapunzel: Well, this is a nightmare come true!

    Maltatai: One is sorely tempted to state the current difficulty level. But one is a gentleman and will resist such base urges. May one inquire in what manner this particular experience made itself known?

    Rapunzel: In a slippery blue-vested, white-robed, turban-crowned, perfume-oozing repulsive ultra-eeewy manner! He cornered me as soon as I arrived! I tried to run and hide but it was like the streets closed up into dead ends on their own and I could never run far or fast enough!




    Jerhyn:
    I can show you my town
    Shining, shimmering, splendid
    Tell me, princess, now when did
    You last let your heart decide?

    Lay your sparkling sweet eyes
    On my so mighty palace
    Much more, come in and under
    I have magic carpets inside

    A whole new world!
    From my fantastic point of view
    No one would tell me no, or what to do
    You must think you are dreaming

    Let's go downstairs
    A dazzling place you never knew
    But when we're way down here, it's crystal clear
    You'll just let me tell you what to do
    You just let me tell you what to do

    Unbelievable sights
    Indescribable feelings
    Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling
    Through an endless pillow sea
    Let's go downstairs
    Don't you dare close your eyes!

    Rapunzel:
    A hundred thousand miles away
    My feet are mired in tar
    I must run far
    Where did that blasted
    town gate used to be?

    Jerhyn:
    Your hair is like lemon curd

    Rapunzel:
    Every turn a dead end
    Every moment is crucial
    I'll retreat anywhere
    Such a night-mare
    To tread into this whole new world, oh woe!

    Jerhyn:
    A whole new world

    Rapunzel:
    My hair has curled

    Jerhyn:
    That's where we'll be

    Rapunzel:
    I will cross the sea

    Jerhyn:
    A thrilling chase

    Rapunzel:
    A ghastly place
    For me to be




    Rapunzel: How can this be!?

    Maltatai: Weeeell...rumor has it...

    Rapunzel: YES?

    Maltatai: Are you familiar with the mighty unique ataghans known as the "Djinn Slayers"?

    Rapunzel: Did not Askungen and Ip discover one in the northlands?

    Maltatai: Indeed. The origin of those, and the weaker and rusted remnants of far more of those that come in the form of the flying scimitars that you encounter here and there, is obscure but the purpose is clear - the utter destruction of each and every djinn encountered. The djinni are odd spirit beings which to some are known as genies and they are absolutely infamous for their part in the history of these lands in elevating the most corrupt crooks and bandits to positions of power that they neither deserved nor managed. As is abundantly evident to this day.



    Now, rumor has it that one of the few remaining and highly functional Djinn Slayers is wielded by a certain maritime fellow in a commanding position.

    Rapunzel: Wait a second... Meshif wields a Djinn Slayer?!

    Maltatai: Haven't you ever wondered what kind of scimitar that really is and why an otherwise most peaceful fellow always carries it around? However, with a certain new first mate occupying his attentions the genie defense duties have obviously suffered. The consequences are apparent.

    Rapunzel: The consequences are appalling!

    Maltatai: Yeah, so it is obviously a huge relief to go out and just focus on the monster hunting work out in the desert. Focusing and steadying the mind and such...

    Rapunzel: Gaah! The slowness of this grind of a personal advancement is a veritable nightmare! I run out of mana after five arrows!

    Maltacus: Glad to hear that everyone is enjoying themselves.

    Rapunzel: There is a most critical imbalance between the assembled gear and the resistance of the enemies at this point of the game.

    Maltacus: Oh no, not a single Langer Briser in sight?

    Rapunzel: Indeed not, and I have not failed to yet again notice the sarcastic undertone. The lack of decisive equipment is proving to be an impediment that transcends the border of ridiculousness.

    Maltatai: One would otherwise expect the cold damage to work fairly well against the scorched opponents of the desert. How do they fare?

    Rapunzel: They freeze as optimal as can be expected as I control no less than four charms of cold damage by now, providing me with a convenient opening for attacks after freezing the enemy at first.

    Maltatai: Well, you'll just have to steel yourself and put your heart and soul into it...or someone else's may work too...

    Rapunzel: Suboptimal compared to the red boots.

    Maltatai: What about melee weaponry?

    Rapunzel: There has been notable upgrades...



    Maltatai: A fine fishing rod if ever there was one! If one was out to hunt tentacle beasts, that is.

    Rapunzel: Actually, almost to the point. A primary target has been the nightmarish yet now not eightfold Andariel. Being single-mindedly focused on my valkyrie, she exposes herself to thrusts even by slower weapons. It is just a pity that her poison cuts through valkyries of this strength before critical damage may be delivered.

    Maltatai: Such hard work using the cumbersome and hampering treasure finding gear. And still such successes are positively dwarfed by the totally random drop right out in the middle of nowhere that greeted new travellers in Araochs picturesque countryside.



    Yet, what would any Act be without the glorious drops of golden, shining and absolutely irrelevant items?

    As previously predicted, the game still manages to procure unfitting items even to such a generalist character as Rapunzel. Hopefully that would change when she met the promising Act boss. Not. For it is neither quest-bugged Andariel nor generous Mephisto.

    Look closely here. If you quickly switch your gaze between the upper and lower part of the picture it will look as if Duriel is biting and stabbing at the valkyrie who dodges. Cool, isn't it?



    Rapunzel: Is that not a somewhat outdated form of entertainment?

    Maltatai: Nonsense! Besides, look at the picture - this is quite the platform game! One had best not make too quick transitions to modernity as from too severe surprises may lead to a serious shock.

    Rapunzel: This...does not make sense...

    Maltatai: Whereas donning full magic finding gear before dispatching DURIEL does? Not to mention gaining that kind of quest drop from the supreme lord of scrolls of town portals?



    Rapunzel: That may not make sense either. Master, will I have to go through the same tedium for a whole other Act?

    Maltatai: I don't think it will be quite so bad. The jungle dwellers have somewhat more life but they are not nearly as efficient resurrectors nor are there as many skeletons or other unleechables. You amazons are jungle dwellers after all so you should be fine...

    Rapunzel: That is a gross generalization. The slopes of the mountains shift into a temperate zone and the peaks are covered in snow with an alpine climate. Seeing as I have focused on thunder and cold a logical preliminary assessment would be to connect me with the areas above the tropical forests.

    Maltatai: Point taken. Then it would seem that your feet will rot in your boots and you will be eaten by the now nightmarish giant spiders as the inexperienced mountaineer that you are. Such a tragedy.

    Rapunzel: "Gulp"...

    Maltatai: No, you won't! I was just joking. Freeze them from afar before engaging and do not engage the spiders or trees in melee whatsoever. You should be fine.

    Rapunzel: I have been told spiders grow to be very dangerous in later difficulties. Extra caution is only proper.

    Maltatai: Unless the source is an otherwise environmentally friendly root with an irrational and somewhat prejudiced opinion about spiders. But do keep your distance from them. Over and out.
    The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons - Completed.
    An Orcs Tale, a Third Age AAR - Completed.
    Reviewed by Alwyn in the Critics Quill
    My Dread Lady, a Warcraft Total War AAR - 27 chapters done.
    Home to Midgard, a Third Age AAR about two dwarves, a spy and a diplomat - Completed (pictures remade up to chapter 19).
    Reviewed by Boustrophedon in The Critics Quill

  8. #68
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
    Content Director Patrician Citizen

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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    Valkyries! A nightmare come true! A parody of a song from Frozen! Giant spiders! This update has a lot to offer.

  9. #69
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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    Which song from Frozen is parodied? The latest update makes fun of the disney Aladdin film but I do not doubt that the text could fit in with more melodies.
    The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons - Completed.
    An Orcs Tale, a Third Age AAR - Completed.
    Reviewed by Alwyn in the Critics Quill
    My Dread Lady, a Warcraft Total War AAR - 27 chapters done.
    Home to Midgard, a Third Age AAR about two dwarves, a spy and a diplomat - Completed (pictures remade up to chapter 19).
    Reviewed by Boustrophedon in The Critics Quill

  10. #70
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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    Episode 7. The First Sighting
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 



    Maltatai: Lo and behold! After seven Acts of absence - here he is! Watch and be amazed! The one, the only:



    Diary of Puke Wolf

    "4 September
    Aaahahahahaa! It is I, Puke Wolf! Finally I tread into this world which I have until now been denied! I am a terrifying spider, weaving my tangled web of influence and intrigue all across Kurast and the Internet, soon to trap and devour any little traveller stopping for a snack at the spider cavern. However, now that I think of it, it would have been better if I spawned at the Arachnid Lair instead. They live just next to the waypoint and I bet there are hundreds of travelers passing by, like a perpetual food delivery service! Those guys at the Lair seem to get everything for free these days...

    Being a spider, I seem to have quite the appeal to the spideressess...but wait a moment, what if one would turn out to be a unique one as well... Isn't "Black Widow" among the possible combinations? Note to self: cancel dinner reservations.

    I sport a superb combination of the dangerous shock aura and a curse! Now all who face me will be automatically cursed, and what better combination to express my antipathy towards the Idiot Wolves of Kurast? I am the curse of lightning mages embodied!

    9 September
    Crap. I am in Hell, awaiting reassignment. This stupid islander came by. She had a beefy glowing guardian spirit or something that really irritated all my eyes but to add insult to injury she never even got close enough for my ultra-powerful combination to take effect. She just stood there behind the pike spirit shooting arrows at me. They were very cold too and it took a stupid amount of time for me to warm up after a hit. I hope I can find a position closer to here. It has to be harder for those arrows to work in the Hell climate. I wonder if there are any fallen Irk Wolves to pester around here?"

    Maltatai: And so ends the tale of Puke Wolf for now. Where will he appear next time?

    Rapunzel: The point of this particular chronicling yet eludes me.

    Maltatai: What? The insight into the workings of the enemy side in an integral part of good storytelling. And we can't all haunt Black Hack, now where would be the originality in that?

    Rapunzel: So...you intend to follow the career of said enemy delegate for purely dramatic reasons?

    Maltatai: Naturally. Why, imagine if someone picked a candidate purely because the name irritates an annoying red union leader. That would be completely without sense and proportion. Fortunately the chroniclers of our time are above such petty considerations, hehehe...

    Rapunzel: The Puke Wolf spider is bearing striking similarities to another life form I have gathered data about.

    Maltatai: Hm?

    Rapunzel: It is called a "Forum Lurker". If you catch one you will receive a treasured comment, much like the fabled leprechauns giving up gold to their captors, but in the case of forum lurkers with slightly toned down elements of kidnap and ransom. However, I strongly suggest utmost caution since the "Lurker" family consists of extremely dangerous species, with heads and shoulders bearing a striking similarity to Duriels, and being able to burrow into the ground and shoot sharp spikes through it into the feet of unsuspecting travellers.

    Maltatai: Ah, well, the forum lurker is of a slightly more peaceful disposition, luckily. In degenerate and corrupted states, it may develop into a "Forum Flamer" which is a nuisance and pest of a vile vermin but those cases are fortunately rather rare nowadays in the Diablo II forums.

    Onward Rapunzel went, and an arduous track through the jungle it was, especially the enormous and winding maze of a path between the Spider Forest and the Flayer Jungle. Not a waypoint in sight for hundreds of miles...that is, if you looked to the sides or backwards.

    Flayer after flayers plagued the land and especially the huge trees were tiresome, charging up their frenzy to crush the valkyrie at the first possible moment. It was clear that despite better leeching, Rapunzel was seriously underequipped to deal with such foes in a decent time. She broke the dull routine by repeatedly raiding Andariel and Duriel, the latter whom her valkyrie had a much easier time standing up to, to perhaps find a suitable weapon for the nightmarish acts needing committing. It was obviously a great relief and breaking of the tedium of daily routine to run the exact same path time and time again to face the exact same Act boss. Such a relief... Yet no bow or javelin of note did drop. Nigh unbearable would it have been were it not for one particular belt that the chronicler, but few other players, seem to hold in high regard.



    With this addition, Rapunzel was able to negate immense amounts of regeneration and operate independent of the constant poisoning or flaming from immolation arrows, which improved her efficiency by a considerable degree. Especially strafe proved effective, if still too expensive for continuous barrages.

    The customs and common laws of salvage in Sanctuary are quite clear, yet still the original owner would press his outrageous and ludicrous claims, sending written notes of undignified insistence.

    Strengthened by new addition, Rapunzel girded for the wading through the river of masked toe-biters with the giant cutlery swarming through the trees. At last the welcoming crushing and lightning of Stormtree greeted the visitors who promptly ran away. Following the underhanded and twisted tactics of approaching from another direction the underpaid door guards faltered. Now the ill reputed temples lay before the wary protagonist and it was evidently time to include a new tactic in the arbitrary procedures. Perhaps some of the expertise at hand could be consulted for a more efficient deployment?

    Rapunzel: I have gotten to the point where I deem it feasible to include studies of the application of the Cloaking Device known under the codename of Nadir. It is claimed to be of decisive importance in some situations.



    Törnrosa: Bah, an overrated manifestation. These earthly "Sanctuary Hour" events are all mere festivities for the simple commoners, whereas the true salvation and problem solving can only come from the chosen illuminate.

    Askungen: It is a fine and constructive example of a common will to improve our ecological conditions, and it should be held up as a role model for other grassroot initiatives! The gathering of so many diverse participants in a common action is an achievement in itself.

    Törnrosa: An initiative that will run out as morning and the first hangovers starts dawning. It is a shallow and insignificant activity, not to say immature.

    Askungen: It is a democratically approved and bonding event!

    Törnrosa: It is a cheesy night of nonsense! Cheesier that a Hammerdin twinked with Danish Brie inside his plates!

    Rapunzel: So?

    Törnrosa: ...and also! Also...pardon?

    Rapunzel: You stated that said event was a cheesy night of nonsense and compared it with a paladin build wielding dangerous chemical substances along with the Blessed Hammer skill. And I replied with "So?", which may have been clearer had it been stated in the fuller version of "So what?" instead.

    Törnrosa: But what would you mean by "So what?"? What more is there to say about it?

    Rapunzel: Why would the fact that the event is a cheesy, immature and shallow gathering of uneducated potion addicts, assuming for the sake of argument that the assessment is accurate, exclude all usefulness of it?

    Törnrosa: It, it...come to your senses arbiter, surely you know how absurd that sounds?

    Rapunzel: I beg to differ. Given the circumstances that you yourself have informed about, that the majority of the population are unfit to be in a leading and decision-making position, prompting a select few to assume the role of heading the governing, it would be a logical conclusion that the events that attract and engage such a crowd would be vey effective for reaching a large number of potential supporters.

    Törnrosa: Perhaps but it is still a degenerate mod of...of...

    Rapunzel: Of partakers who may or may not be able to produce something useful in the way of ecological concerns, for example, yet their apparently apparent tastelessness is not in itself enough to dismiss the event as insignificant or counterproductive.

    Törnrosa: But it's a...a...rabble, a mob...

    Rapunzel: Then a rabble whose usefulness should be compared to others and not categorically dismissed simply for being a rabble.

    Askungen: Ha! The gathered grassroots will always triumph!

    Rapunzel: A line of reasoning I find flawed.

    Askungen: Huh? What now?

    Rapunzel: First, if the grassroots would always triumph, would they not by definition if nothing else be the establishment and thus not grassroots? Secondly, I question the idea that the positive impacts of decentralized leadership would render an organization immune to any and all possible collective shortcomings. The diversity in dedication, skills and individual agendas may render the common gathering much less suited to fulfill its designated tasks than a small but more formidable elite group, unless of course the designated task is the widespread participation in itself, but then there has still been a notable narrowing from the previous always.

    Askungen: Hrrm...

    Törnrosa: Some people should promptly return to the fold of the lighteous...

    Maltatai: While this new and expensive addition to the arsenal was useful, it was nevertheless not the mighty weapon or skill improvement that would have been needed. Many other useful but too small steps along the way were taken as well.



    Interesting and useful in some ways but not what was needed right now. The situation was critically tiresome...is critically tiresome I gather from your bored expression?

    Rapunzel: Boo. Consider my boredom expressly stated.

    Maltatai: Consider the stated boredom considered. Can't you make some use of all these findings?

    Rapunzel: Of course I can! I'm a spectral amazon, I wield all things. The faster bow is by all means useful for faster ice barrages but my mana is too low to take full advantage of it. Teleportation may be useful against ancients but there is the serious issue of the slow casting animation. Since I do not have a mercenary I need to protect my need for that is less than my precursors. The charms are probably the most useful long term addition, especially since they come with a gold bonus to compensate for Nadirs extra gold penalty.

    Maltatai: And so the mighty venom lords with huge hit points await... Not to mention Diablo...

    Rapunzel: Gaaah! Unbearable!

    Maltatai: Ooops...serious morale drop. Hrm. Rapunzel is now getting ready to storm the Durance while hoarding energy from meaty loaves and loafy flayer meat. And singing... Amazons are such a melodramatic people... And to think that she is supposed to be the rational and sensible of them. Evidently the prolonged exposure to all the others is taking effect.



    Rapunzel:

    And I would do anything for loot
    I'd run right into Hell and back
    I would do anything for loot
    I'd need much better gear and that's a fact
    But I'll never make more progress as it feels right now,
    Oh no, no way
    And I would do anything for loot,
    I would do anything for loot
    I would do anything for loot, but I will not twink
    No, I will not twink

    Some bow that will not miss easy
    Some bow that will hit quite hard
    With arrows that don't run out, or mana that drains and never ends
    Like Rödluvan breathing fire
    Like Snövit unleashing ice
    Win fights ranged and safe before they could ever see or retaliate

    Maybe I'm crazy, but it's crazy that shoots true
    I know that would save me from much scary monsters that cause woe

    To see guided arrows when turning
    To know that the bolts are burning
    The best archer dreams all coming true
    That's what I'd acquire, if I would do
    Anything for loot
    Oh, I would do anything for loot
    Oh, I would do anything for loot, but I won't do that
    No, I won't do that

    I would do anything for loot
    Already have a ruby boot, but I need more than that
    I would do anything for loot
    My peaceful armour's black as soot, except the shoulder pads

    A spear that is charged with lightning
    A spear green like grassroot soul
    Some night they will lose it all when the spinach flies and the thunder rolls
    Maybe I'm lonely, that's all I'm qualified to be
    There's just one and only, the one and only arbiter is me

    At night when the shades conceal me
    At night no one else can see me
    From shadows I'll strike, that's how I roll
    'Fore anyone sees it
    For I would do anything for loot
    All will know it's true and that's a fact
    I would do anything for loot
    I will stab and shoot them in the back

    But I'll never do it better than I do it right now, so long, so long
    As I do not get my gear upgrades, as I do not get my gear upgrades
    I need to get my gear upgrades, how will I do that, oh damn, how will I do that?

    Will you raise me up, will you help me shine?
    Will you get me right out of this Lightforsaken shrine?
    Will you show me how to master all cold?
    I will do that, I will learn that

    Will you cater to every fantasy we've got?
    Will you share your flame and potions with us, lovely red and hot?
    Will you show me plants that I've never known?
    I will drink that, oh wow, and I will know that

    I know the storyline, it's been around
    It will all turn to dust, every feast fall down
    And sooner or later, Hell is coming around
    I will face that, though I may deed in that

    Anything for loot, I will go to Hell



    Maltatai: Here she goes! Bright little brigand girl and highwaywoman honey! And...what have we here?

    Maltatai: If the repeated stabs will not destroy Mephisto then his electricity bill is sure to finish him off along with the optician costs after the repeated blinding valkyrie summonings.



    Maltatai: Mephisto is nearly down! Time to redress the dress and dress the line for the last charge.

    Rapunzel: Hmm...hmm...blue this , yellow that...and...



    Maltatai: Aaah! The noise! "casting Emergency Deafness"

    Rapunzel: Pardon the audio annoyance. But I have read up thoroughly on the subject and similar sonic outbursts are the proper response to game changing acquisitions.

    Maltatai: I wish they were not...



    Rapunzel: The rare melee weapons have served me well but are now retired with full honors. May they enjoy eternal tending and maintenance from Jamella.

    Maltatai: Doesn't that require Jamella to be eternally trapped in the Pandemonium Fortress or comparably dull places tending equipment for never ending eons?

    Rapunzel: May they enjoy eternal tending and maintenance from Jamella or comparably skilled replacements...

    Maltatai: Quite surely the United Smithing Tenders (UST), equally troublesome as the UMT, are sighing with relief behind some distant scene.



    Rapunzel: With the new circlet coming Act Bosses should be quite less dangerous. With this finally successful streak it wouldn't surprise me if even a Pul or Lem rune would drop at the Hellforge! Onward and over and out!
    The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons - Completed.
    An Orcs Tale, a Third Age AAR - Completed.
    Reviewed by Alwyn in the Critics Quill
    My Dread Lady, a Warcraft Total War AAR - 27 chapters done.
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  11. #71
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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    Sorry, I was wrong - I thought the lyrics were from Frozen but of course you're right, they're from Aladdin.

    It's good to see the misdaventures continuing, Rapunzel's new belt does sound useful. I enjoyed the lines about what would defeat Mephisto (if repeated stabs don't finish him) and the gathering of uneducated potion addicts, as well as the new song parody.

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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    Episode 8. That Which Is Unmentioned
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Telash: She don't want to talk bout it.

    Floria: She don't want to talk about it.

    Ip: She don't want it mentioned.

    Waheed: She don't want to speak regarding it.

    Telash: To be kept quiet.

    Waheed: Out of conversation.

    Floria: Absent from interlocutors wherever they may be.

    Ip: Unrevisited in every future conversation.

    Maltatai: Unintelligible nonsense like this deserve an explanation. Therefore we will jump back in time to an earlier date just like a movie after an ominous introductory scene.

    _______________________________________________________________________



    Several days earlier:

    Ip: 'Up? You got this weird summon too?

    Waheed: Seems so.

    Floria: Yup.

    Telash: Did you get the weirdo reference to important information being divulged too?

    Floria: Yup 2.0.

    Maltatai: Good, I see that we are all assembled...

    Telash: What?! Charge!

    Maltatai: We have more important matters at hand! So please be so kind as to stay the hand that we have more important matters at. That would be handy.

    Telash: Notice my narrowing and skeptical gaze.

    Ip: Heh, let's hear him out. He's either discovered some guts or Thundergods Vigor under his shirt.

    Maltatai: Unforeseen complications are becoming a serious distraction for one of my operatives in a highly sensitive operation, requiring outside assistance. Meaning you. The gravity of the matter places it far above mundane missile troop issues.

    Floria: You and your overly affecting books or tv-shows or games or other expressions of popular culture. It is a recurring bad habit I have understood from my amtrophologian background studies.

    Maltatai: Considering all the political and bureaucratical nonsense I am exposed to in my line of work I consider overbearing bursts of culture a beneficial sign of mental health. Besides, you are all actually stored for safety in what is both literally and figuratively a black box. And while you are perhaps not all sharing a common past completely you could still very much be said to be part of a division of murderous employees where one can find both the dutiful and even idealistic, as well as the unscrupulous mercenary types. Also, like the model division, the loose confederation of warring tribes at hand has been prone to internal division and strife. Also...

    Ip: Is there a point at the end of all the impudent remarks?

    Maltatai: The point is that Rapunzel is unwell. She is strained and stressed and thinks only of her arbitrary task at hand. While being merc'less has so far proven quite easy in battle the times between are lonely and the loneliness is telling. I did underestimate that particular complication. And despite all the inviting hints from the other main Amazons she keeps to herself since she feels doing otherwise will compromise her impartiality. However, the hirelings of the competitors may be regarded as a different matter. After all, one could argue that thorough field studies should include interviews with eyewitnesses of the respective elements full effect and potential power. So could you perhaps most graciously consider undertaking a little cheering up of one lonely arbiter?

    Telash: Consider it undertaken...but you are not off the unionized hook!

    Waheed: Be cool. We've got it.

    Ip: On it.

    Floria: I wonder if she would like a chapter of her own in my amthropological report?

    Ip: Bribe her with a customized potion...

    Floria: Ip! That would be really unethical. Besides, isn't Rapunzel supposed to be like this all-work-no-nonsense merc'less and merciless iron woman? She would shoot the potion out of my hand and proceed to test the different elements with me as target!

    Maltatai: She isn't quite so iron-like...ironly...irony any more. But just to be safe you should all befriend her equally much so that no party can be said to be favored before the other.

    Waheed: I'll conjure a cool aura to cure her headache.

    Floria: I'll warm her joints.

    Ip: I'll carry her gear home.

    Telash: I'll light up the way.

    ______________________________________________________________________


    Maltatai: Now back to present date the unretelling will continue.

    Ip: The finding of the interesting yet discarded Venom Grip gloves does not merit further elaboration.

    Waheed: Nor does the incomprehensibly fittingly named enemy with fire enchantment and magic resistance. Aptly cooled down.




    Telash: Throughout the track through the hells the foes grew quite dangerous when Abyss Knights combined with hard melee monsters and giving ranged support. Sustainable shooting development was sorely lacking since Freezing Arrow is so expensive and Charged Strike exposing to dangers. But none of that has really proven noteworthy.

    Floria: And the expectations when finally arriving at the Hellforge we shall not delve into.

    Not to mention, which we as mentioned shall not, the baffling and disappointing anticlimax of a result.



    Ip: Rapunzel does not want to talk about the small running charm she found either.

    Waheed: Not cool.

    Telash: Not even the shining illumination of a most conveniently placed combat shrine could lighten her mood. The prime evils really are total losers when it comes to furniture, leaving combat shrines around like that



    Maltatai: These are dark days for the heroine hopes. They are lucky to have the few but valuable encouragements that are offered.

    Ip, Floria, Waheed, Telash:

    Maltatai: As you may remember if you read the last episode I mentioned the forum lurker, the fascinating and, together with Black Hacks and Puke Wolves, comment-generating lifeform that has luckily not yet gone extinct. I managed to catch one fine specimen recently resulting in invigorating input. Over and out!
    Last edited by Maltacus; January 20, 2018 at 01:28 PM.
    The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons - Completed.
    An Orcs Tale, a Third Age AAR - Completed.
    Reviewed by Alwyn in the Critics Quill
    My Dread Lady, a Warcraft Total War AAR - 27 chapters done.
    Home to Midgard, a Third Age AAR about two dwarves, a spy and a diplomat - Completed (pictures remade up to chapter 19).
    Reviewed by Boustrophedon in The Critics Quill

  13. #73
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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    It sounds like Rapunzel's friends are taking good care of her, I'm intrigued by the significance of the Hellforge, the Shael Rune and the combat shrine.

  14. #74
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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    The Hellforge quest yields a random rune as part of the reward, and that rune can be a very useful one. Unfortunately the Shael runes, though useful, was not what Rapunzel needed and is very common, so it was a low yield from that quest. Runes can be combined into rune words in "blank" socketed items and added to enchanted items with a socket, adding the runes inherent ability to the rest.

    The combat shrine grants an immense short time bonus to physical damage and chance to hit, so for Rapunzel who is more of a fighter than caster it is the best shrine possible to find. The shrines are generated randomly each new playing session just like the monsters are.
    The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons - Completed.
    An Orcs Tale, a Third Age AAR - Completed.
    Reviewed by Alwyn in the Critics Quill
    My Dread Lady, a Warcraft Total War AAR - 27 chapters done.
    Home to Midgard, a Third Age AAR about two dwarves, a spy and a diplomat - Completed (pictures remade up to chapter 19).
    Reviewed by Boustrophedon in The Critics Quill

  15. #75
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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    Episode 9. Exploding Arrows
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    After the debacle in Act IV Rapunzel had calmed down after arriving in the scenic northern lands. There she and Maltatai the infamous chronicler engaged in a tactical and technical theoretical discussion, the kind that was so longwinded that the listeners would fall asleep at once.

    Maltatai: I have been demoted from storyteller to peripheral story character! Teh horror! Hm, yes...theoretical discussion... Visualize. Who are you?

    Rapunzel: I am independent and self-sufficient. I rely on nothing but myself and what I can bring with me to one battle.

    Maltatai: Armoured in what?

    Rapunzel: What do I need from the armour?

    Maltatai: The valkyrie. I think, at least. Perhaps you can even become so overwhelming that you become independent on the peaceful valkyrie? Currently you do need the anti-freezing from your Spirit Shroud. And you would also need to at least charge up the venom from a treachery.

    Rapunzel: One too much?

    Maltatai: One too much. Such a shame you cannot store any suit sideways in the cube to fit, hehehe...

    Rapunzel: Which one must go?

    Maltatai: No, which one can not go? Which one can not be replaced from any other piece of equipment?

    Rapunzel: That would be Treachery. But I don't have the skill points to spare for a strong valkyrie of my own either.

    Maltatai: Yet it is not impossible to acquire, only very unlikely. And for all the other lovely attributes of the shroud it is the inability to freeze which is vital. The question is therefore whether it will be easier to replace the peaceful valkyrie or find another non-armour non-shield item which can not freeze.

    Rapunzel: Meaning Raven Frost.

    Maltatai: Unless you would be insanely fortunate to run into Trang'Ouls Girth. Or the equally elusive Darksight Helm. That thing does seem tailored for this exact situation, or would seem if not for the fact that it is made of metal and not cloth. I hope. That would be stupid. A vloth helmet. Imagine the minotaurs laughing and pointing at it. I wonder what that sounds like? They would maybe be like "MoooOOOooohohohohohahaHAHAHAAA!!!".

    Rapunzel: "Clears throat"

    Maltatai: There is actually also Death's Guard.

    Rapunzel: Oh, you can't be serious...

    Maltatai: Yes, "can not be frozen" is that important. All your speed counts for nothing if it is negated by the first cold damage you take. I would feel more at ease if you garbed yourself in Thundergods Vigor or the String of Ears, or even Wilhelms leeching Pride that you have stored at the moment, but mobility is your main defence. It must be maintained.

    Rapunzel: So I must find either a means to compensate for the lack of a valkyrie or a Raven Frost ring.

    Maltatai: So it would seem. Now, please continue. What do you envision in the way of weaponry?

    Rapunzel: I can effectively damage any enemy. That means not only must I wield a bow and a javelin to execute all possible attacks but also be able to deal effective damage with each. I can cripple both crowds and individual enemies, thus prevail in any encounter, either by standing my ground or retreating to more favourable positions.

    Maltatai: That means slowing. Lots of it, which means another source. More than 50 % will not affect bosses and can be considered redundant. That also means cloaking, and not just at stairs but regularly.

    Rapunzel: The gloves will stay on, then. Otherwise, I am generally happy with my weapons and would hope to be able to upgrade them. But what should I add?

    Maltatai: We need Riphook. There is no alternative.

    Rapunzel: Blackhorns Face?

    Maltatai: Will sooner or later mean you stand without adequate crowd control among archers or vipers or whatever else. Besides, the cloaking might be just as needed for you to hit things in hell.

    Rapunzel: Then what about resistant and immune enemies? Will I be stuck with Hwanins belt now?

    Maltatai: Open wounds will deal with them. If we can keep the belt without losing too much it's fine and a considerable asset versus large crowds that you can split into parts and alternate between but strictly not necessary. I would choose more leeching instead, or possibly some resistant future belt if you are that lucky.

    Rapunzel: You do realize you are advocating throwing away the second most coveted item among all bowazons?

    Maltatai: It does not fit in. Neither will Draculs Grasp, Baranars Star or Shaftstop, no matter how mighty each of them are in their own way. The same goes for Witchwild String - a close fail is still just as much a fail.

    Rapunzel: And if I should one day unravel the Buriza-do Kyanon? Or Hellrack? Windforce?

    Maltatai: Then I shall reconsider my analysis but I can't see any other weapon than Riphook or Gut Siphon stopping a pack of frenzied champion minotaurs or extra fast ancients charging against you. And that will be what counts.

    Rapunzel: This is highly restricting. There must be another alternative.

    Maltatai: PDR. You would have to have a shell like Askungen to withstand all the possible stairtraps that cloaking would negate. One idea is curses from a shield or from jewellery, but they would need to be used on one foe at a time. That is too slow in such a situation unless you would redo your equipment almost totally to be able to sustain that kind of predicament.

    Rapunzel: More.

    Maltatai: Drop the idea of crowd control except in stairtrap situations. Suppose you do not carry a spare armour but a spare helmet in your cube instead. We then assume that only one bosspack will ever greet you in melee range next to a stair, and if surrounded by more there will ultimately come a time where only teleporting or leaping could work. And we also count on you keeping that teleportation amulet inside the cube at all times. So, in the event of a stairtrap that is impossible, you would retreat up, put on the amulet, descend and then cloak and teleport behind the enemy line in some way, casting a blocking decoy. But then there is this thing with the Amazon casting animation...

    Rapunzel: Damn.

    Maltatai: What had prompted these materialistic debates? Let us go back to the time immediately after the last chapter.

    The Hell of nightmares was quite the disappointment and all involved did of course wish to experience some kind of treasure bathing spa weekend worthy of a miserly old duck in a high hat. Or in any case discover some proper loot. Rapunzel did find a jewel that in truth was pretty carmine (7 % and 9, respectively). Yawning and rolling their eyes about the authors witticisms, the merc'less mauler continued up the foothills outside Harrogath and came upon an interesting instrument that could also fire arrows. It was slower than Rapunzels present bow but notably more powerful, increasing the overall effectiveness.

    Having claimed the first waypoint, it was time to head back to loot the hateful lord treasurer of Travincal. A golden Dacian Falx was probably a joy for the Dacians. An amulet named Skull Heart included necromantic energies which was outstandingly fitting but little more than that. Far better for the arbitrary ones was the light gauntlets, seemingly tailored for looting Mephisto. While stalking the Bloody Foothills for some change of scenery blunt and unrefined weaponry fell into the hands of the sophisticated protagonist who wrinkled her nose and tossed them away. While at the same time bitterly envying the versatility of a dual wielding Barbarian with a golden jagged star and barbed club. She was so green with envy that it was actually quite charming and condensed into a small charm of Anthrax which would prevent enemy healing and attract chaste knights to your castle. To outrun the pesky inhabitants one was fortunate to have a small charm inertia as well. Lastly, as if to compensate for the irrelevant loot, Rapunzel came upon a decent spear, which was still of course inferior tot he Titans Revenge.

    A couple of girding girdles later, however, joy and happiness reigned for in a deserted cupboard of Mephisto were stored nothing less than the Witchwild String! With resistances, customization, bright blue colour, cursing and magic arrows it is a marvel for those wishing to be a combination of blue and red archers.



    Blue and bright with white magic arrows, the bow contrasted fiendishly with the light spiritual shroud that was peculiarly warm despite its modest, or immodest if you prefer, coverage.

    In Lower Kurast a couple of convenient chests yielded a few fine charms and Andariel gave up a very crude specimen of the Wizendraw.



    The attempt to cube an outrageously good barbaric charms to something useful ended with less than stellar results...

    Most interesting was a ring with telekinesis charges which could prove very good against traps like evil urns. Most welcome was an amulet of viper safety but if it only could have had, say, a chromatic prefix as well...



    The overflowing rare drops are always enjoyable even if the items are not necessarily useful. Just as with the other amazons, the stupid bow Stormstrike was stalking Rapunzel too.



    With these new pieces of equipment it was no trouble trekking through the highlands with economy and self-sufficiency. The Witchwild String was socketed with SHael runes and the arrows flew fast. Freezing arrow and strafe did surprisingly prove to be a workable combination, and guided arrow was much better with the increased damage and thereby mana leeching. Thresh Socket did not know what hit him (apart from the untactical valkyrie who engaged prematurely).

    Unfortunately the next areas was now, as it was Nightmare difficulty, filled with nasty urns which could spawn certain kinds of unpleasant and exceedingly deadly reptiles. Nihlatak, returned to cause mischief yet again, had of course organised it all and clapped his hands together expectantly, sure of the imminent defeat of his pursuer. The episode was just about to return to the present when the storyteller was interrupted by the arrival of bowazons and javazons that put him in a socially complicated position with regard to the desire of privacy and secrecy from Rapunzels side when it came to her field testing.

    Askungen: Hello there! Where is Rapunzel? She has hardly been visible lately.

    Maltatai: I think she is busy with her evaluations and comparisons.

    Rödluvan: Aw, she takes all that too seriously. She needs to let her hair down and take a break.

    Snövit: All work and no play makes Rapunzel a dull girl.

    Maltatai: All bickering and no peaceful coexistence makes no free time left for the judges.

    Askungen: All snark and no manners make writers a pest.

    Törnrosa: "mumbles to herself" All foolishness and no results proves the point that important things should not be left to the rabble.

    Snövit: In any case, do tell her that she is free to join us at the Etdlach Memorial Bar. Telash has constructed this weird contraption that makes texts of songs appear to make people sing them and be motivated to make spontaneous stage performances. I think he called it "Kara-off-key" or something. That would fit the expected singing voices anyway.

    Törnrosa: I would hope there is a volume control for rogue users.

    Snövit: So have fun scribbling 'til then!

    "Amazons leave"

    Maltatai: Now then, back to the present. Oh no, Rapunzel already stands before an evil urn!



    "CRASH!"

    "HISSSSSSS!"

    Rapunzel: Aaaaah!

    Maltatai: Get away!

    Rapunzel: "Pant" "pant" That tore away more than half my life! If anyone else would have charged me I would be no more... "shudder" "shiver" And now I must go through two labyrinths of ice caves with those evil monsters in them. I want to wake up from this! Wait...what is that distant voice?

    Maltatai: Nihlatak...





    In the dark of the night she is tossing and turning
    And the nightmare she has is as bad as can be
    I'll scare her out of her wits
    With vipers right from the pits!
    Then I will be quite clear
    The true nightmare is...me!!

    I was once the most mystical man of Harrogath
    When the elders ignored me they made a mistake!
    My curse made each of them pay
    And spirit that brat girl away!
    Little Anya, beware,
    Old Nilly's awaaake!

    (succubi choir)
    In the dark of the cave evil will find her
    In the dark of the cave where there is no dawn!
    Aah...

    Revenge will be sweet

    Eight player curse just complete!

    In the dark of the cave

    She'll be lost!

    I can feel that my urns are evilly urning!
    Ready to unleash a cloud of claws and of tails!
    As the fangs snap into place
    I'll see her deed in that place!
    Deeds unremembered, Rapunzel, Your Grace!
    Farewell...

    (succubi choir)
    In the dark of the cave terror will strike her!

    Terror's the least I can do!

    (succubi choir)
    In the dark of the cave vipers will brew
    Ooh!

    Soon she will feel that her nightmares are real

    With the mouth of the snake

    Chewing through!

    In the dark of the cave
    Evil will find her
    Find her!
    Ooh!
    When she opens the urns terror comes through
    Dooms her!

    My dear, here's a sign

    It's the end of the line!

    (succubi choir)
    In the mouth of the snake...
    In the mouth of the snake...
    In the mouth of the snake...

    Come my minions,
    Rise for your master,
    Raise your tail and fang!
    Find her now,
    Slither ever faster

    (succubi choir)
    In the dark of the night...
    In the dark of the night...
    In the dark of the night...

    She'll escape!?








    Maltatai: Ha! She got away from your unworthy traps! Anya is safe and sound and still hasn't learned anything about healthy suspicion of slithering old codgers reeking of tomb viper stench. Her bow reward was not useful as usual but Rapunzel appreciates the thought. She has moved on to raid Pindleskin a bit, the ragged undead porter of Nihlathk. He dropped a Gul rune on the first visit! Interesting stuff but hard to make use of for Rapunzel. A later run however yielded nothing less than Tal Rashas mask! This will be excellent against bosses! Life and life stealing, resistance and mana stealing and also a mixed colour look that fits well with the hybrid theme of her. Lastly a cute amulet that might be useful but probably outcompeted by more resistances or hopefully skill levels or damage reduction.



    But all the scary frightening has taken its toll and Rapunzel seems quite shaken. Perhaps there is something to the loud masses' suggestions?

    Rapunzel: "breathes unsteadily" Soo close to falling to that horrible charge! And here I have been saving stat point after stat point waiting for some ultratasticliscious super gear to drop. No more! I will put all the rest in vitality and this spirit shroud will be my armour! The Red Armour, symbolizing one of the Amazon aspects that I am to embody.

    Maltatai: You are of course aware that just because you now spend the socketing reward on that you will undoubtedly trigger the finding of a much mightier armour?

    Rapunzel: Then the socialistic red shall welcome the colleagues into the great armoured collective of dresses and outfits. Here is the bright red jewel, exceedingly stylish and fitting in the red shoulder padded summer attire.



    I have now decided on the third choice of skill to focus in. It shall be the Exploding Arrow. I want some warmth in this cold and I will burn the pit vipers to ash.




    Maltatai: A prudent choice! Just as good as a poisonous javelin skill would have been. Would you like to inform your esteemed principals of this new development?

    Rapunzel: That sounds reasonable. Where are they?

    Maltatai: Apparently they went to their silly lair of time wasting and noisy recreational activities. Come to think of it, those attributes apply to a great deal of locations both on Sanctuary and in my own world. In any case, the bickering Amazons should be found in that karaoke bar with the complicated name.

    Rapunzel: Let's head there.

    Maltatai: Right.

    Rapunzel and Chronicler Sidekick That Thinks He Runs The Show: "walks to Etdlach Memorial Bar"

    Rapunzel: I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.

    Rödluvan: WHAT?

    Rapunzel: WHAT DID YOU SAY?

    Snövit: PARDON?

    Rapunzel: THIS IS USELESS. NOBODY HEAR WHAT I AM SAYING!

    Maltatai: IT IS A KNOWN PHENOMENA. ALL BAR CLUBS SEEM TO HAVE THIS TOO LOUD MUSIC SO YOU CAN'T TALK.

    Rapunzel: BUT I REALLY WANTED TO TELL THEM. MAYBE I CAN SING IT? IT IS KARAOKE NIGHT AFTER ALL. BESIDES, ACCORDING TO MY PREPARATORY RESEARCH OF SUCH MATTERS, THIS IS AN EXCELLENT SCENE, JUST LIKE WHEN A MOVIE HEROINE STAGGERS INTO A BAR AFTER AN UPSETTING ENCOUNTER WITH THE ENEMY, PERHAPS A RED-EYED IRON GOLEM, AND AN ARSONISTIC SOUNDTRACK PLAYS IN THE BACKGROUND.

    Rapunzel: "grabs Telashs soon-to-be-patented electricity powered sound enhancing device"



    No control,
    Of where they will spawn, it is a pain
    Not knowing where
    Oh,
    now they strike with tail and bare the fangs
    The cave's a maze,
    I feel the sweep of claws most dire,
    Foul bone spears do they fire

    You've got me quakin'
    I'm almost breakin'
    You've had me run, retreat and rout and flee

    My sense alerting
    The wound is hurting
    You got me charging, ramming into me

    Hypnotized,
    I see the flicker gleaming in the viper eyes.
    It captures me.
    Oh,
    I take it that you'll never let me go,
    I'm your prisoner.
    In this cold cave that you desire,
    I will unleash the fire

    I'll have you burnin'!
    I'll have you burnin'!
    I've passed my exam for the flame degree!

    I've got you burnin'!
    I've got you burnin'!
    I tread through ashes raining over me

    Can't stop my body's aching,
    here's too cold, there's no mistaking,
    I need redness, drinks and passion,
    Warming up me too

    You've got me thawing'
    No vipers clawing
    At any arbiter inside with thee

    You've got me burnin' (Yearning for you)
    You've got me burnin' (Burnin' for you)
    You've got me burnin' in the third degree



    Maltatai: Who would have guessed? Lively indeed. It shall be interesting to see if any of the audience really grasped the significance of the songs message.



    Maltatai: Last but not least: the epic antagonist has been sighted again!

    Diary of Puke Wolf

    30 June
    I can not believe how long it takes to receive new assignments these days! The management is surely slacking and squandering the most valuable assets - meaning of course I - by not fixing the administration in time. Now I am back at least. I am a cunningly fire enchanted bone mage in the Frozen River, able to burn the mana of my victims. I have been told that that stupid little blonde bimbo from the jungle now has focused on fire damage - she will be baffled! Then I will steal her mana so she can't do anything else.

    This place is a bit cold. It chills me to the, hrm, bone, since I am a skeleton and not even my fire enchantment seem to suffice. I hope Baal can do his business up here soon so we can relocate to somewhere warmer. Perhaps the Amazon isles?

    10 July
    Dammit! Why can't the lowlife high life meleers here tank properly? We were left completely uncovered by the ghosts and whatever stuff nests here. The bimbo had that glowing companion again that blocked the view and she shot magical arrows instead of fire attacks. I feel so disappointed! We should have teamed up in the cave here with my mages providing support for



    Maltatai: That is all for the time being. What nefarious vengeance will Puke Wolf come up with next? Over and out.
    The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons - Completed.
    An Orcs Tale, a Third Age AAR - Completed.
    Reviewed by Alwyn in the Critics Quill
    My Dread Lady, a Warcraft Total War AAR - 27 chapters done.
    Home to Midgard, a Third Age AAR about two dwarves, a spy and a diplomat - Completed (pictures remade up to chapter 19).
    Reviewed by Boustrophedon in The Critics Quill

  16. #76
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    Nicely done! I like the debate over which equipment to take, raising familiar issues (such as the problem of spending a reward on one set of armour will inevitably lead to the discovery of an even better set). The songs are entertaining (that 'soon to be patented electrical sound enhancing device' sounds somehow familiar ).

  17. #77
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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    Episode 10. Merc'less Conqueror
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Maltatai: The ice caves! Free of vipers now that they have all conveniently died. All that remain are some odd gem shrines and gems to accentuate the absence of important runes that could have been acquired from Mephistos stone.

    The urns drop meek bone mages who are bereft of the inspired leadership of the mighty recurring antagonist. In the lower places of the glacial trail however lurk ghosts and the damned. As we all see...or at least imagine us seeing...there was tough fighting to the last scratched nail.



    Finally catching some sun again Rapunzel ran into yet more of the tailed fowl that curse enemies from over the lakes. Now they were unfortunately less optimally positioned and could be hurt by the cold explosion from the outside of the wall. A pair of slightly relevant gloves were found but more astoundingly, the Stone of Jordan! The most characteristic item of Diablo II of them all! Also quite good for someone relying on many skills to deal damage as Rapunzel does. This she should certainly keep and use!

    After the cold windy tundra one can use a little vacation in the interesting lower quarters of Kurast, or why not the catacombs or Chaos Sanctuary? Rattlecage is an interesting item! Purple like the purple of chromatic things like Rapunzels spectral theme. Also, scaring monsters is nothing to be sneezed at for an archer. And crushing blow is good for the fast jabs of a javelin. It was with reluctance that Rapunzel discarded it, as was the case with Whitstans blocking dessert plate. Both are good in their way but leave too much out which a character with her strengths spread out and stretched thin like Rapunzel can not afford. Much more relevant was on the other hand a socketed armor that as just a slightly higher suffix away from magnificent. That would be of great use against the dreaded tomb vipers!



    Continuously plundering well known places can lead to the discovery of fanciful glowing belts that are great for a ranged combatant, and epic daggers!

    Rapunzel: Oh, no! I have detailed files of your unsound propagation for the Spineripper. As has been concluded by my precursors, it is not a feasible strategy to routinely approach enemies at such close distance, despite its alluring attributes.

    Maltatai: Hmpf! It clearly takes a sorceress to fully appreciate the exquisiteness of this blade. Perhaps the discovery of the two mighty staves would even attract one. Especially the ethereal one was a cool thing in the chroniclers opinion. It just lacked faster cast rate, really.

    The Ancients Way did thankfully not hold any vipers but just clumsy fur heaps and ice cubes, and puny spike fiends. They did not suffice to repel the invaders.



    It was quite the relief to be able to trigger evil urns without having to prepare for a charge attack. Still one should always exercise proper caution and be ready to sprint. Even less dangerous foes can be the end if they spawn around you and are extra fast and strong.

    More of the same variety existed in the Icy Cellar, where the terrain is useful since you can stand on one side of the ricers and shoot...

    Telash: We all know that, along with the rest of the world! Get on with it!

    Maltatai: Since you so knowledgeable people already know everything it will of course come as no surprise to you that the waters benefit sirens as well, and that guided arrow and strafe are excellent skills for locating them from off screen.



    The ancients were looming closer. Eight player giants with tons of life and nasty equipment spawns. Would Cleglaws gloves be enough to separate them?

    And Rapunzel ran, and shot guided arrows, and slowed, and taunted, and crippled the jerks like Snövit did!



    Bwahahahaha! Outclassed ye are, lardbrains!

    And Rapunzel, why did you not wear a proper helmet?!

    Rapunzel: They needed a handicap...

    Maltatai: But you did not need to be locked into hit recovery or have the game crash from cloaking by a misclick! Henceforth, crush the opposition in the most overwhelming way possible!

    This use of a bridge is a much more commendable commencing of hostilities.

    Rapunzel: Commencing of hostilities can be commendable nowadays?

    Maltatai: Point conceded. The underling demons are presumably not altogether to blame and acting under compulsion. Ancients surely must be fair game, though?

    Rapunzel: Naturally! It is astonishing the question need even be raised.

    Maltatai: Here is Rapunzel approaching the end of the Throne of Destruction, not that you can see it but since I just told you so you can picture it in your mind with a red Amazon in the middle with a purple bone shield and javelin. Here was found a serpents charm of balance (mana and hit recovery) which looks to be quite relevant. Puny soul killers and zealots plague the upper levels. Another interesting charm was a snowy one of thunder. Winter is coming...

    Lower in the keep lurked Blood Bosses and Hell Temptresses. I am sure all can imagine the latter fluttering around the overworked managers filling the air with irrelevant comments and overall creating mischief and wreaking havoc among the demonic timetables and report templates. As we all know, the overseers are very unimaginative and boring spirits, that require their input and submitted information in a rigid and clumsily inefficient report form, requiring tremendous amounts of extra works and wasted time of the succubi, who have most understandably turned from chief administration to mischief.

    Beyond the red ruins lay acoustic horrors unimaginable.



    This being nightmare, when Baal clones himself, which he just did, the clone can be said to be his nightmarish offspring. Thus, brace yerselves, all ye loyal followers of everything with good taste in the world!





    Baal Clone: Marius, give me the stone and all is forgiven. Give it to me, Marius.

    Give it to me Marius. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
    Give it to me Marius. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
    Give it to me Marius. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
    And all succubi say she's pretty fly
    For a demon guy.
    Uno, dos, tres, the rest is stolen by de Seis

    You know it's kind of hard
    Just to get along today
    Her story isn't cool,
    But she fakes it anyway
    She may not have a clue
    And she may not have style
    And every skill she lacks
    She will make up with denial

    There's no debate, on /players8
    We all know she'd really never make it anyway
    She's in my playing field, now it's for real
    For you no way, for you no way
    With such a lousy fake, just overcompensate
    We all know she'll end up thrown into a burning lake
    Ammy's are just wannabe's
    So (Hey! Hey!) do your paltry thing

    Come out little ammy. Come out, come out
    Come out little ammy. Come out, come out
    Come out little ammy. Come out, come out
    She's really puny like a fly
    Or that angel guy

    She needs some cool sticks
    Not just any will suffice.
    But without the rune word mod
    They contain vanilla lice
    Unmodded, that means bugged, known by any but that lass
    Just watch Medieval II
    Where modded dwarves will kick your ass

    Not even second rate, I'll set her straight
    You know she really doesn't get it anyway
    No matter what she wield, soon she will yield
    To me all day, to me all day
    So very low we rate, all Amazons of date
    At least you know they will end up eaten by a snake
    They're all just wannabe's
    So (Hey! Hey!) do that brand new thing

    Now he's getting out his book
    Yeah he's gettin' ink done
    He captures many screens, but they all look pretty dumb
    It's plain he's trying too hard
    And he's not at all hip
    Just thinks these misadventures
    Are the dopest trip.

    Time to give up, maybe? Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
    Time to give up, maybe? Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
    Time to give up, maybe? Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
    I will mash you to a mess, like the minions of de Seis

    There's no debate, on /players8
    You better get your sorry self out of my way
    And what a stupid shield, those bones I peel
    Off her when laid, off her when laid
    To rest before they ate, her warm corpse before late
    As said, she would always end up eaten by a snake
    The Ammy's are wannabe's.
    Oh the world greatest wannabe's
    So let's get that little wannabe
    And - Hey! Hey! Stop that poking thing!







    Maltatai: Hehehehe... All! Hail! Conqueror! Rapunzel! Most merc'less of them all! Baal did shamefully not drop any notable loot despite Rapunzel dressing up in golden plate and helmet. Just Sanders boots, which have their uses but are no match for Rapunzels lovely red rares.

    Now there was just the matter of the reptilian ambush instigator... Would there be vipers defending his lair, or had they all been spent trying to jump Rapunzel in the Crystalline Passage?

    The initial halls have tomb creepers rather than tomb vipers, which is half bad but only in a half full glass way, since they pose little danger. Accompanying them are flayers among other things. Flayers - free leaching for the combat character in a hurry. Order now and get free fries and salad dressing and gather 10 Endugu points per meal to keep gathering your bonus to use the 35:th every month.

    Hrm, yes, right, damn! An urn. May your amour hold fast, should vipers spawn.



    Yes! No vipers! I'm sure we could all hug the gentle Hell Temptresses for appearing instead of icky snakes. Actually, they are quite cute so everyone probably wants to hug them anyway, if only to be able to yank them by their tails. Down here was an emerald small charm of fortune. Sort of sums it up, as Rapunzel has been fortunate to escape poison looking (but in truth mostly physical) damage from the absent tomb vipers.

    Further ahead lay Ginthers Rift. Many like rifts but not Ginthers one. Talk about discrimination...

    And an iron small charm of balance! Good thing for hard fights with hard hitting enemies. Mosers blessed circle was also a very nice discovery. It is a close tie between it and the bone shield but the bone shield wins by being more characteristic and if socketed by Larzuk it can become more powerful than Mosers excellent round mini-table.

    Enough of these materialistic deviations! Nihlatahk awaits! Conquest! Vengeance! Retribution! Tyrael-free justice!

    With freezing arrows Rapunzel clears a path, slowly and steadily, good work. With the valkyrie drawing the attention of new summoned demons Rapunzel can advance and shoot point blank magic and guided arrows right into the slimy Nilly! Take that for nearly killing my arbiter! Next time she shall have far too much life to be such an easy prey. Conveniently aided by this charm.



    Now having gained much experience, insights and a fancy title Rapunzel will surely report valuable conclusions to the rest of the Amazons. Will she shed light onto peculiar natural phenomena, or maybe thorough comparisons of bestiaries? An expectant crowd has gathered, hoping to hear the wise and relevant musings about the most pressing concerns of our time. Well, relatively speaking all is from a certain point of view a matter of perspective...



    Rapunzel: I have gathered data that actually disproves the theory that crush beasts have anything at all to do with the ground shaking.

    Ip: That thing is a common misconception. As all us native northlanders know, together with those of the amazons that have a healthy and hot interest in nature, it is of course the rabbit that cause the ground to shake when they stamp it with their feet. I mean, it's so obvious when you know it so you can hardly believe how some people can be so thick.

    Askungen: Duuuh!

    Maltatai: ...

    Askungen: I thought that should be added...ehm....hm...let's move to the next subject...chapter...episode...

    Maltatai: As your imperial greenery would have it. Over and out.
    The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons - Completed.
    An Orcs Tale, a Third Age AAR - Completed.
    Reviewed by Alwyn in the Critics Quill
    My Dread Lady, a Warcraft Total War AAR - 27 chapters done.
    Home to Midgard, a Third Age AAR about two dwarves, a spy and a diplomat - Completed (pictures remade up to chapter 19).
    Reviewed by Boustrophedon in The Critics Quill

  18. #78
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    Rapunzel sounds pretty badass, taking on those ancients without a proper helmet. It sounds like Baal had a nasty surprise for the Amazons.

  19. #79
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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    Episode 11. Sentimentality
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

    Maltatai: It will soon be time to enter Hell. But not just yet. First, it is of course most imperative for any arbiter wishing to base her evaluation on complete data and full facts to experience the mandatory frantic accumulation of wealth and greedy hoarding of precious objects that signifies the end of the build up phase of a characters career.

    Rapunzel: It is now the proper time to recapitulate the remaining gaps and needs in the equipment in my opinion. Repetition is key to maintain focus on the fulfilment of the goal.

    Maltatai: Very well. Rapunzel requires the following key components:

    Resistances - acquired, at least partially.

    Physical and magical damage reduction - missing.

    Blocking - acquired.

    Can Not Be Frozen - acquired.

    Life - missing. Just joking, but it is rather low. Preferably over 1000 life would make me feel better.

    Mana - acquired. With the Stone of Jordan and charms it is a solid amount.

    Knockback - acquired.

    Slowing - partially acquired. 50 % should be a good minimum amount since it is the cap for bosses.

    Faster Run/Walk - acquired to a substantial part.

    Triple elemental damage - acquired, with a good margin!

    High damage and leeching - partially acquired.

    Prevent Monster Heal - acquired.

    Rapunzel: These are a lot of things. Furthermore, sections may be broken down into subsections where an illuminating case study may be the resistances which has to be spread over the different elements rather than focused in only one.

    Maltatai: Not to mention the role of attack speed and attack rating as a subset of damage, hit recovery and its relation to running speed and attack speed when it comes to overall effect for the safety, blocking speed, relation between elemental auto-hit attacks and those requiring actual hitting. And the dodge and avoid skills and skill levels overall...

    Rapunzel: Overload of calculations and information processing imminent. Requesting reassignment to catacombs to begin raiding as a diversionary activity.

    Maltatai: Yes, do that, catacombs are fitting places to rest I hear, even for a very long time...



    "Time passes in which Rapunzel makes many, many raids among the catacombs and Maltatai does irresponsible aimless things of some sort as usual"

    Maltatai: Let us continue the episode in classic RPG dialogue style, to keep in touch with the modern viewers of today's audience.

    Rapunzel: ...

    Unleashing fuel-powered explosive ordinance seems impractical in order to further communications.

    Maltatai: RPG as in Role Playing Game, not as in heavy weaponry that people like Rödluvan should not be entrusted with. Now we continue in said manner.

    Rapunzel: Understood. Commencing classical RPG style dialogue. Hr-hm!

    Maltatai: Do you have a moment to talk?

    Rapunzel: Certainly. Finished evaluating catacombs. Much to loot. Had to analyze various artifacts. "Inhales" Have narrowed down most interesting candidates for use as personal equipment.



    Maltatai: What can you tell me about the opposition encountered at the place?

    Rapunzel: Invading demons. Gated, not native to this world. Primitive shamanistic society. Energetic, yet weak in resolve. Larger afflicted and tainted demons. Lightning projectiles. Undead. Rogues and ancient buried risen to serve demonic masters now. Pitiful.

    Maltatai: What makes the undead so special?

    Rapunzel: Demons, coerced, but retains will of their own. Fighting with heart and soul. Undead retain it not. No will of their own, replaced by necromancy. No spirit, replaced by necromancy. No culture, replaced by necromancy. No soul, replaced by necromancy...

    Maltatai: I didn't know you cared about culture to such an extent.

    Rapunzel: Mind must be exposed to new experiences. Helps to keep it sharp. Find art and architecture of Sanctuary intriguing. So many different styles. Did explore minor opportunities to partake in Amazonian cultural rituals. Social gathering. Sang a little.

    Maltatai: Sorry, I know this is important, but... You sang?

    Rapunzel: Amazonian karaoke. Temporary occupation. Tended to focus on easily conveyed popular music. Drinking and patter songs.

    I've fired arrows magical and hot like hell and cold like rain, I am the very model of the spectral Amazonian dame

    I'm quite good at electrics as a subset of the lightning tree, because I am a javazon which is quite a tautology

    MYYY ELEMENTAL STUDIES RANGE FROM LIGHTNING TO A FROZEN FLAME, I AM THE VERY MODEL OF THE SPECTRAL AMAZONIAN DAAAME

    "cough"



    Rapunzel: This is the loot from the disturbance at Waukeens Promenade.

    Maltatai: "raises eyebrow" Is that what we call it these days?



    Very well... What is known?

    Rapunzel: Naught but their names. The head is Trang Ouls Wing. The war club is Bloodtree Stump.

    Floria: I didn't do anything, he did it all, I had...

    Telash: Silence, rogue, allow the fool to make his judgement.

    Maltatai: Why was this man not gagged (a question I have often asked myself)? Did he not sway four of you (to his silly unionizing?

    Ip: We dared not approach.

    Waheed: Uh, regardless, in the end he came willingly.

    Rapunzel: What should be done with the loot, sir?

    Maltatai: It is for deviants, let it rot in Ormus' mouldy cupboards. And send the unstable delinquent Telash to Spellhold just in case and for the heck of it...



    Rapunzel: I have heard of a very...red...custom about charms that is apparently practised by what i believe must be melee necromancers. At least they should be that, being white haired fellows wielding greatswords and wearing black and white lighter armour. Apparently knowing their way around curses and hexes and alchemy and witching in general... In any case, these fellows that travel a lot and meet many new interesting people were apparently known to keep tiny card-like pictures with them of those they did get to know best and kept those cards as a kind of lucky charm.

    Maltatai: The red part being...?

    Rapunzel: The nature of the pictures. Hrm. Apparently those of sorceresses tended to be rather...expressive...or so it is said at least. Useful to have and look at on a dreary rainy day in Kurast I suppose.



    Floria: Hey, freelancer.

    Rapunzel: Hi.

    Floria: This is your first time here?

    Rapunzel: Uhu.

    Floria: Well I work with the Tamoe Rogues. We run this place. Before I continue speaking to you, let me check your 'rep. Looks like you're OK.

    Rapunzel: Something interesting going on?

    Floria: Well, if you're interested, I have heard a rumor. I'll pass it on to you in postcard form instead of saying it. Here you go.

    Rapunzel: Right...that is very logical. So, the rumor is that Lower Kurast is nice this part of the year? That makes little sense, since the weather there is constant rain all the year around.

    Maltatai: Freelancer Alpha One dash One (I can't imagine how early you had go get your place in the queue to acquire that designation...) this is the Kurast State, and Space, Police. I'm scanning your cargo stash for contraband. You're clean. But that is a nice haul, you must have ransacked half the legendary wrecks of all Sirius.



    Rapunzel: This is very interesting. The heavy damage reduction from the armor and helm is an alternative of significant importance.

    Maltatai: Also a black medium armor with golden shoulder plates is quite good for someone who should be the mix of all styles. Nice with a little extra life too. Still, will it compensate for being frozen?

    Rapunzel: With my lack of other melee-centric equipment and skills and minions to deal damage while I stand frozen and absorbs damage, I think it will not. Should I locate another viable source it might tip the balance in favor of the Shaftstop. Especially since the charm helps to compensate for the greater weight of heavier armor.

    Maltatai: Oh, missed out the RPG style for a moment!

    Rapunzel: In fact, one could note that the bow is indeed RPG but in the way that was to be avoided, as it fires explosive arrows. I will also keep it. There may be a situation where maximized firepower is necessary. Hm, recommencing RPG dialogue.



    Maltatai: There seems to be something written about this spear.

    Rapunzel: I would imagine so. It is Törnrosas signature weapon.

    Maltatai: But...the author is Rödluvan. That makes less sense...

    Rapunzel: Give it here. "Her plates skrieked against each other like two wild iron golems corralled against their will..." "She pounced - the smooth moves of a jungle cat just like the bowazon moves as a mountain cat - and locked her gaze on the chains binding Tyraels waist. He..."

    Maltatai: What is this?

    Rapunzel: It seems that Rödluvan has decided to celebrate her newfound friends - or at least new people to annoy - with written dedications. But there is distinct evidence of Snövits involvement or at least influence too. Apparently one is supposed to be able to buy an entire series of stories depicting every character..."Rödluvans Friend Fiction - Written Out of Love"...

    Maltatai: The writing profession will never, ever be clean again....so which book in the series is this, then?

    Rapunzel: "Lycanders Spear", hm... "Törnrosa knelt before none, but she hadn't counted on the archangel Tyrael" "Can the warrior-prophetess penetrate the tight-knit restraints of demonic angel-suppression? Will she be prepared to face the full blast of his...light?" Wait a minute...this is a vulgar thing!

    Maltatai: How could it be otherwise with that author? Will you borrow it?

    Rapunzel: No!

    Maltatai: You sure? In that case both we and the book has more pictures to continue with.



    Maltatai: Ladies, Amazons and gentlemen! Most honourable citizens of the hallowed Single Player Forum! Welcome! We have for you an exquisite comedy... It's title: The Deeders Salvation... The players: Arbiter Rapunzel as herself, Floria as the queen, Telash as the "umble servant" (a mute role). Appearing as the prince, the delight of root gardeners far and wide, Ip. And as the princessly garb with the voice of not quite a nightingale, the tigulated Crow Caw of the former troubaritz-that-lost-her-voice Priscilla!

    Majesty! The monster slayer awaits. Your summons she's answered, and stands at the gates!

    Rapunzel: Show me in. I must steal from the man. Or whatever Sankekur is nowadays...

    But first, by chance, something to guard and steady my hand.

    Floria: So now we may finally make appearance in this episode? "Ahem" Arbiter! Your task is a matter most tender. A viper shall show at tonight's feastly splendor.

    Stand guard, beware, kill the viper if he shows... Your reward you'll receive on my finest pillows (I think not, those are my pillows and I have hidden them in MY corner of the Arcane Sanctuary).

    Rapunzel: I kill monsters for your pleasure...and no reptile is my measure.

    Telash: She's swallowed the bait, this fool of an arbiter! I'll ensure the foul beau reveals her true figure. The monster revealed, the arbiter shall strike, the beast she will slay, thrust it's head on a pike!

    Floria: Aaah, my child will fit in her garb, Rockfleece. Though with that scepter, he'll resist lightning at least.

    Telash: Gathered are we, a host infamous and reckless, to celebrate this day the arbiters useful, if corrupt, new necklace.

    Rapunzel: Alas, no viper do I see or hear...maybe it hid in an urn...or a barrel of beer.

    "Applauds"

    Maltatai: From where did those come...



    "Much time passes again as Rapunzel grinds through Mephisto's storage areas and Andariels lockers"



    Rapunzel: Bloody frozen Raven Frost Illusive ring!

    "Holographic image of Raven Frost appears"

    Rapunzel: Really?

    Maltatai: Just...play along. Assume that the ring Raven Frost can really, really speak and send conjured illusions out to harass and annoy people.

    Rapunzel: Right...

    Raven Frost: Arbiter Rapunzel.

    Rapunzel: Illusive ring. I thought we'd be meeting face to face.

    Raven Frost: A necessary precaution. Not unusual for people who know what you and I know.

    Rapunzel: You might one day be the reason I'm still alive but that doesn't mean I trust you.

    Raven Frost: You need to put your personal feelings aside. Humanity is up against the greatest threat of its brief existence.

    Rapunzel: The vipers.

    Raven Frost: Good to see your memory's still intact. How are you feeling?

    Rapunzel: Cut to the chase, so that i can resume the chase after you. What are the vipers doing that made you decide trying to bring me back to normal?

    Raven Frost: We're at war. Nobody wants to admit it but the good old uniques are under attack. While ignorants like Maltatai have been sleeping, entire gear combinations have been disappearing. Unique gear. We believe it's someone working for the vipers. Just as Telash and his union aided in the distraction of the chronicling and its main heroine. You've seen them yourself. You bested all of them in nightmare. That's just one reason I choose you.

    Rapunzel: If what you say is tru, if the vipers are behind this...I'd consider finding you.

    Raven Frost: I'd be disappointed if you accepted any of this without seeing for yourself. I have a menu screen ready to take you to back to normal Baal, the highest odds Act Boss from which to abduct me. Floria and Waheed will brief you.

    Rapunzel: Floria killed various eardrums in cold blood...well, seriously hurt them at least...and Waheed is just a slacker for hire. You expect me to trust them?

    Raven Frost: Floria did exactly as I expected of her. And she paved the way your existence in more ways than one. Waheed's a town guard, one of the best (not that that tells you much, I know). He's never fully followed orders, but he's always been obvious about it. You'll be just fine without them...for now.

    Rapunzel: Is this a volunteer job or am I being volunteered?

    Raven Frost: You always have a choice, you shephard without hireling sheep to watch out for. I f you don't find the object you are looking for we will never need to part ways for we will not have crossed paths. But first, go back to normal. Find any clues you can. Who's best for abducting loot from? Do they have any connection to the vipers? I'll bring you back to this difficulty level. It's up to you to do the rest.





    "Much time passes again"

    Maltatai: Rapunzel? What are you doing here?

    Rapunzel: Uuuh... Escaping. Ever since I decided to return to normal, it's been nothing but work. My head! More ice!

    Maltatai: Other Amazons been bothering you?

    Rapunzel: Bah! Not those sparklers and spinach-slingers. No, its the...it's the items. Now that everything seems set up close to finding the right stuff again, but no. Ugh, I haven't had any progress in...I don't know how long. Two close fails, and a belt the color of ice.



    Maltatai: I would've thought you'd be enjoying the...perks of easy boss looting.

    Rapunzel: Enjoying it? There's a line of junk outside my dwelling right now. Stretches on for as far as you can see. I have to climb in and out through my own bathroom window. Even then, I bumped into two more piles of this normal garbage on the walk here... I'm telling you, Maltatai, I have no space left to make comparative evaluations right now.

    Maltatai: Considering everything Amazons go through, I can think of worse things to be occupied with.

    Rapunzel: Trust me, I've been occupied with every thing the last few days... And I thought nightmare loot alone was bulky. Ah, well... I have almost gone through it. Still going through it...

    Maltatai: I would drink to going through it but I recommend your potions are saved for later and suppose you will need a clear head when sorting it all, hehehe...

    Rapunzel: Then to hell! And victory or death, roughly.

    Maltatai: Ah, but you can't deed, Rapunzel. You've got all this loot to sort first. A really...big...pile...

    Rapunzel: Wraaah... More ice!



    Maltatai: The String of Ears belt is pretty good though. Do you think it can rival Mavinas?

    Rapunzel: Definitely against Duriel, where I would consider it more dangerous to be chased than to stand my ground. Possibly against Baal too, where you want to keep him close and distracted to prevent the cloning and appendages to disturb you. Stairs are other situations where the protection ay be better than the mobility. But against ancients and Diablo speed is better I think.

    Maltatai: Does speed make it into your list of approved defensive measures?

    Rapunel: It is not my approved list of defensive measures, it is "The 150 principle". It is a groundbreaking work in military one-person-army theory, particularly since there are no other ones.

    Maltatai: I see. Please enlighten us.

    Rapunzel: Assuming that one possesses at least 1000 life and maximized resistances, sufficient protection is achieved if the added defensive factors total value is 150. Those factors are things like decreased enemy damage, blocking (where percentage units convert into integer units), dodging/avoiding, physical/magical damage reduction and so on. Any combination is possible. Perhaps 50 % blocking along with 50 % dodging and 50 PDR. Or 75 % blocking, 50 % dodging and 25 % damage reduction. Or any other disposition.

    Maltatai: Reduced enemy damage seems somewhat more powerful than the other factors.

    Rapunzel: However with the weakness that it requires cursing and thereby an actionof your own. A slow action for Amazons given the casting animation. And it is still only partial reduction as opposed to PDR against multiple sources of low damage.

    Maltatai: Fair points. How do you stand now with regard to this principle?

    Rapunzel: I can scrape together 75 % blocking, about 30 % damage reduction and about 30 % dodging and a little MDR, so I'm barely holding up. But I don't have maxed resistances for Hell and don't have 1000 life. Perhaps slowing enemies should factor in too...Cleglaws gloves add 25 % there.

    Maltatai: Will you keep raiding bosses until you find all that? I suppose charms and a better shield are important sources of life and resistances, and of course the troublesome Raven Frost to let you use a more defensible armor?

    Rapunzel: I'm practically spent. "Sigh" So many runs... I can safely say that I have investigated the nightmare magic finding part of an Amazons career thoroughly, at least. If I continue I fear I will literally deed of boredom because I will get sloppy and make mistakes.

    Maltatai: An understandable reluctance. What will you use for equipment now, then?

    Rapunzel: I will keep my red armor. And the peaceful light plate for summoning. But I have grown fond of my Spirit Shroud and it shall represent the red of Rödluvan. The bow is blue and fires magical white arrows so it stands for Snövit, despite casting flame-like curses. As for headgear, the Vampire gaze shall be the green avatar. I have a green jewel as well which I shall put in it after Larzuk has done his job. As for Törnrosa, I think the steel javelin suits her somewhat but the best would perhap be id I could find a great tower shield, as they are quite golden in their natural color.

    Maltatai: That does in fact sound much cooler than just striving to have the very best of everything. The thought springs to mind that the runeword "Sanctuary" in a tower shield will take care of your resistance issues, and Törnrosa would probably approve of the idea of being seen as the shield and bulwark of all of Sanctuary, behind which all smallfolk subjects are safe from both enemies and having to make decisions too hard for their little heads, and so on. Will you keep the peaceful light plate?

    Rapunzel: Yes, that is an object of legendary and unrefuted usefulness and characteristics. As well as Cleglaws pincers. The latter may, but only may, be bested by some crafted gloves with knockback, attack speed, skills and weaken charges or so but I have yet to see the gauntlet that has amassed such a number of powers.

    Maltatai: Rapunzel... Is that...

    Rapunzel: !!!



    Rapunzel: I am completely fully equipped. And there is also this late addition to it all that I haven't yet shared with anyone. I happened to acquire one really amusing object for certain outdoor situations...such as when hunting geriatrics on a mountain top...



    Maltatai: Bwahahahahaa! Superb! Along with the gloves and your faster running even an extra fast ancient will be hard pressed to keep up.

    Rapunzel: But, since I am a thorough and serious investigator I will of course not be content with mere assumptions. I have already faced the ancients on 8 player settings. Now I must naturally face them on all the other 7 kinds of settings...and slay them all most savagely while they stumble after me in their pathetic attempts to keep up with me...



    You're just a statue now
    All three parked alone
    On a summit high
    You're deeply old
    But you're direr in the straits
    You think you're doing alright

    Did you see that horn
    Do you know that face
    Or was it just a dream
    This can't be real
    That never happens, babe
    On the cutscene screen

    Oh, but she's back
    She's the gal behind the mask
    And she's out of control
    She's back
    The gal behind the mask
    And she crawled out of that hole

    You're chasing off that girl
    Knowing what's at stake
    And the wind blows cold
    It chills your bones
    And your spirits will take
    Arrows 'til they break

    Of yourselves you're full
    And you had a chance
    To stop Baal alone
    But he's not alone
    On an old relic glance
    You won't impede his advance

    No, she falls back
    She's the gal behind the mask
    And she's out your reach
    She's back
    The gal behind the mask
    She'll adapt to every role

    Oh, if you see her coming
    Get away if you can
    Just keep on running
    Not as fast as you can
    She obeys me, the chronicling man
    And she's out tonight
    And she's watching you
    And she knows your house

    No, don't turn out the lights (cloaking causes crashes on the summit)

    Yeah, cuz she's back
    She's the gal behind the mask
    And her arrows will slow
    She's back
    The gal behind the mask
    And she's after your soul
    She's back
    She's the gal behind the mask...
    And she'll breakfast on you whole


    Maltatai: Over and out.
    The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons - Completed.
    An Orcs Tale, a Third Age AAR - Completed.
    Reviewed by Alwyn in the Critics Quill
    My Dread Lady, a Warcraft Total War AAR - 27 chapters done.
    Home to Midgard, a Third Age AAR about two dwarves, a spy and a diplomat - Completed (pictures remade up to chapter 19).
    Reviewed by Boustrophedon in The Critics Quill

  20. #80
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
    Content Director Patrician Citizen

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    Feb 2014
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    Default Re: [Diablo II AAR] The Misadventures of Diabolical Amazons

    There is much to entertain readers (and inform Diablo II players) here! It sounds like the Amazons now have a lot of options when selecting equipment and that knowing which equipment to use against which enemies is important.

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