Is my technique lacking?

[HunterKYA]

As the title itself asks, does the technique I employ in my writing feel engaging or entertaining?

One of the things that's deterred me from continuing either Titanium Core or Tales from a Past Life, is that maybe it feels like they've gone on too long, or gotten stale. Unlike some of the more prolific writers in the community, who can have a few works in circulation, picking up where they left off when time allows, I've found it better to keep only one story going at a time, letting me focus the bulk of my creative thoughts on a singular point, instead of getting them jumbled. By adopting this method, it lets me pour as much into a story as my talents will allow.

When I first began Titanium Core, I never imagined it progressing to its present extent, because I had little experience writing in the sci-fi genre. It's freely noted that maybe I kept the lull in the story going too long, but my style of writing has been, for the most part, centered on character-driven plots and situations, letting them shape the environments, not vice versa. Now, in a story that you'd suppose would have a fair amount of action, TC hasn't contained a great deal, mainly because I lack the mastery to describe battles and action sequences. If anyone has followed the story in its entirety, they'll see what action scenes the story has, feel, at least in my perspective since I'm the one writing it, slow and methodical, not fast-paced and kinetic like they need to be. This is partly, in my belief, what dragged Tales from a Past Life down, in that I lacked the technique to describe a scene in a short, concise way, instead of the wordy mess they sometimes turned into.

I guess the gist of what I'm staying to say is this: What are some tools, hints, tips, or techniques I could use with my writing to liven it up and make it feel fresh?

[justdownloading]

I read the first chapter of Titanium Core. It's written alright, but you need to shave your dialogue. It's too hairy. I can hardly see anything underneath it all. For example, let's take a look at the following exchange:

“What do you think of her?” Dani asked him.

Peering over, Braedan remarked, “Hun, you’re gonna have be a bit more specific.”

“You know exactly who I’m talking about,” Dani commented, “Miss Tea and Crumpets back there, the Brit we just picked up.”

Grinning, Braedan said, “What about her?”

Descriptive verbs are not good in dialogue. They clutter it up and slow it down by providing unneeded authorial commentary. "Dani commented" - yes, I know she's commenting, I can see that through the dialogue, I don't need this tacked on to make sure that I know that she's commenting and not, say, yelling angrily. I generally try to keep the "he said, she said" tags to a minimum, however if you do find the need to use them simply use "said", there's no need to fancy it up. Put the fancy in the dialogue and prose, not here. If the reader can quickly glance over a 'he said' - oh!, so this is that character speaking... - then determine the tone and action in their imagination while reading the dialogue - that makes for a much more engaging experience. Don't worry, you can trust your reader to be able to pick up that someone is angry just through dialogue, if it is well written. And your dialogue, on its own, is reasonably well written. Hope this helps.

[Hitai de Bodemloze]

Not to be argumentative or anything, but I'd advocate the opposite. I had it drilled into me endlessly to try to keep the use of 'said' to a minimum, so I always advocate the use of these fancy synonyms. And maybe I'm just a verbose writer, but the more words surrounding dialogue the better for me - I'm not a huge fan of standalone dialogue. So when I view the above exchange, it looks far too sparse to me, as opposed to hairy.

[Dude with the Food]

Not to be argumentative or anything, but I'd advocate the opposite again and agree with justdownloading. I find that fancy words meaning said slow down dialogue too much. You should be able to read dialogue just as fast as speaking it in reality and if it's overcrowded with big words, that can't happen. If the conversation slows down to the point where you can use more words: He paused for a moment, collected his thoughts and went on. I wouldn't ban them or take bellowed/screamed/whispered out of my vocabulary but I would recommend saving them for special occasions.

[Hitai de Bodemloze]

No harm in disagreement of course We all have different styles.

[Dude with the Food]

Of course. I'd hate everything I read to sound like I'd written it. I'd be too critical.

[HunterKYA]

One of the reasons why my writing sounds a tad wordy and has quotes elongated, is the fact that sometimes, my word usage feels amateurish. All too often, during conversation or descriptive sections, I feel obliged to use more sophisticated words than necessary to convey a thought or emotion, which interrupts whatever flow had come before it. It's hard sometimes to think outside the box, especially when I've hit a snag in the story because the scene is laid out, everything is prepared, and just when the time comes to describe it - the exact noun, verb, adjective, what have you - needed to capture the moment has been lost, forcing me to improvise and use a less-than-adequate substitute. While I was writing, it was this pausing, to find the correct word or phrase, that took up a large chuck of the time it took to write the chapters, and partly acted as the culprit of why it sometimes took 4-5 days to complete.

Shortening the descriptors during conversations would help the flow, but eliminating them altogether and only using 'said' and 'asked' and the like, would make the characters seem like they weren't exhibiting any type of emotion.

[ccllnply]

I have the exact same problem as you man. That pause you take to think of a descriptive word and it just won't come to you. It really breaks the flow. Some times I even have this problem where I just think "ooops, I've used "said" a lot lately, better break out the thesaurus."

I think the only way to get out of that is to just write down what ever comes into your head at the time and just keep the flow going. Don't stop to come up with an appropriate word. You might decide later that the word you chose doesn't fit and all that stoppage was for nothing. I think the trick is to just write "said" if that's all you can think of at the time, then when you re-read and do your second draft, that's when you can slot in the word that fits. And you'll most likely have a better idea of what to pick since you're in the flow of the story.

[justdownloading]

“Oh, it’s you. Took long enough.”


“You made sure it was loud enough again. And this time you didn’t run.”


“No, I ran. You just have too many guards.”


“Can I really have too many? Get back to the question, please.”


“You know the answer. You got pretty loud yourself.”


“I’m sorry about your friend. I am. Tell me that’s not why you’re really here. He hated you, he said.”


“He did. Things got bad. Doesn’t change anything.”


“Ah. Your famous honor. And here I figured you were going to steal something.”


“Yeah, that’s still part of the plan. Now unlock me. And a sword would be nice.”


“Maybe in a little while, just let me have a word. The way you handled the Altmer was impressive. I could always use a good general these days. Or an admiral, even, if you’re better at sea. According to this, you know all about my admirals.”


“You’ve got to be kidding me.”


“I’m not. I would give your honor a better place and this I swear. Mine is the Voice of the Emperor.”


“That’s exactly what I came to steal.”

This is an example of shaved dialogue in which the emotion of the characters is shown to the reader through the dialogue rather than told to them through clutterous description. And yes, it is Kirkbride. He's not the only writer I read I promise.

[The Wandering Storyteller]

I really need to make a thread like this as I need to improve on my writing.