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Thread: The Iron Dynasty

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    General Brewster's Avatar The Flying Dutchman
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    Default The Iron Dynasty

    Hello ya'll,

    I've written a lot of stuff but this is my baby. I've been working on this particular one for about two years. Ive wrote up to 15.000 words but recently converted it to what it is now. No so large but I created the entire world behind it also,Locations, Characters entire families. I'll post the story so far just for feedback and tips . I'm enourmously self critical so I almost always stop with writing because I don't think it will live up to standards. I hope to hear tips from you all! For those that are not Swedish Jättar means Giants After the main tribe/clan/faction.

    A Guide to army ranks and terms
    Army Ranks,

    Ema or Ema’s, term for an entire army(’s), Led by a Strate(General), Domesti(Supreme Commander) or Emperor. 10.000 men. Rank Insignia: V, X for a Supreme Commander or an X topped with a crown.

    Mere, Smaller elements of the army, 4 Mere’s make an Army. Commanded by a Tourma(Lieutenant-Colonel). 2500 men. Rank Insignia: IV

    Droun, 5 droun make up a Mere, Commanded by a Droungar (Captain). 500 men. Rank Insignia: III

    Kentar, 2 Kentar make up a Droun. Commanded by a Kentarian (Lieutenant) 250 men. Rank Insignia: II

    Kontau, 10 Kontau make up a Kentar, Commander by a Dekar (Sergeant) 25 men. Rank Insignia: I

    Administrative Ranks:

    Strato, Camp Commander. Rank Insignia: S-V

    Stratok, Governor. Rank Insignia: SK-X

    Ethnarch, Commander of the elite forces/honorary title. Rank Insignia: E-X

    Kheiro, Surgeon. Rank Insignia: A red cross.

    Kyrios, Instructors employed for training the recruits. Rank Insignia: K

    Rank Insignia:

    They are painted in white on the breast plate, more specific on the left chest area. Ema Commanders have capes fitted with large rank Insignia’s. The Emperor has a Gold painted Crown under his insignia.


    Updated as of 30-03-2016

    Ravel Ironhand, Alingas, 17 ADJ.

    The rain smashed down in waves upon he old hospital’s tile roof, creating sweeping layers of noise that were only broken up by the crash of thunder high above. The lightning flashed trough the worn cloth drapes to distract us, yet it only made the candlelight seem dimmer in between its eruptions. Even so, I can hear and see them on that fateful night after all these years in my mind. The silences brief, the rumbling constant. The darkness prolonged by the streaks of white. What ideas and thought go on trough one’s head on a night like that when your son is born ? The soothsayers and prognosticators might foretell a very rough life at best; and a dark and short one at worst.

    These were all just flickering images that night long ago, however, now I Ravel Ironhand, remember them vividly now. That night was reserved for the love of my life, Evelyn, as she struggled giving birth. It felt more intense than the raging storm outside, and in the end it was. I held her hand tightly; or rather she attempted to squeeze the life out of mine. Not in fear and certainly not because she wanted or needed me there. But just to let her body feel something other then the pain she experienced.

    “Push!” The Garrison Kheiro kept urging. She gave him a look as if she were a bull ready to charge. Why did I ever let the Kheiro in and not leave it to the midwives? The local Kheiro had recently died from old age and he was the best the city had, or so I tell myself. I knew him from my military days and so I trusted him more than the women folk. Besides the midwives would have forced me out of the room if I was the only man, but something inside me told me I had to be in there. And we Jättar are a proud race, I was not going to miss the birth of my son.

    Luckily there were midwives. A junior one quickly took another cool damp cloth and gingerly placed it upon Evelyn’s forehead. Not that I thought it helped. I swear it evaporated faster than it would under the noonday sun out in the summer badlands.

    Another persuasive “Push!”came from near my lover’s feet. He obviously was not looking to see she needed no encouragement. I, meanwhile, could only look at her. Her honey colored hair, darkened and matted against her head from the seat, tears and wet rags. She was beautiful to me, as she saved more than one glace of love for me during that long night. Her final yell put the thunder to shame and broke my trance.

    “Arrgghh!!” she screamed trough a clenched set of teeth. Who knew such an incredibly loud and piercing sound could come out of a closed mouth? But it did come from Evelyn, and with it my son, as he squeezed trough the opening and into the arms of the Kheiro.

    “There we are,” he announced. “It is a boy Lord!” He held just long enough for the senior midwife to cut the cord and take it away from him to quickly wash the baby. “What will you name it Lord ?” he quizzed me and he wiped off his hands, all his attention now on me as if he had no desire to be in the room.

    “Atticus” I pronounced as the midwife now placed the baby in my arms. “Son of Ravel of house Ironhand.” I whispered to myself, hearing how the formal title sounded to my ears only.

    “Let me see him, Ravel, quickly.” Evelyn broke into my dream. Her voice was much too soft now. I turned and gently handed him to her She took him all wrapped up to keep the chill out and kissed him softly on the head. They looked lovely and angelic together and my heart was filled with joy. But it did not last long, as anguish quickly took over her face once more.

    “Oh Ravel.” She whispered.

    “Kheiro, come here!” A midwife jumped in. “She won’t stop bleeding.

    Atticus ended up back in my arms and now I was pushed out to the attached hallway. The child, who was quiet after his first few breathes now screamed nearly as loud as Evelyn. I did not know what to do. But I had no time to figure it out, as after what seemed like only a few moments I was called back into a now silent room. She was gone, my future wife lay still and quiet in the bed. A peace was now over her but it was not one I could enjoy.

    “Thank you Kheiro, I will take Atticus home now.” I said before leaving the place I would now come to hate.

    As I walked down the road towards my family home. I noticed the storm had broken quickly and the starts shown down with a brightness that appears only after a storm has cleared the airs. And there above me in the southeast was the constellation of Evelyn, the Lion. It was the long time symbol of House Ironhand. Now there was a sign. At least this one was straight forward; something important was happening to the Ironhand. And I thought back upon the beginning of the night and the troubled signals of silence and unquiet, darkness and the flashes of light. Perhaps they were not so hard to understand either. Out of such a long and miserable trial there can be something to look forward to; the circle of life, one goes out as another comes into the world.


    Atticus Ironhand, Fortress Alingas, Day 1, 37 ADJ.

    “Atticus, Do you remember the day we turned ten? Underweight and small. But you proved yourself by kicking the Kyrios teeth in to earn your spot during the Agoge. Your father taught you well, as you have demonstrated time and time again.” Alexios recalls while poking the fire with his sword.

    “Alexios, I have fond memories of that day, besides it being my birthday. My father trained from the moment I could walk so I would make it that day. He couldn’t have lived with the shame of his only son not being selected during the Agoge. I can still laugh that the Kyrios thought I wouldn’t be strong enough.” Atticus replies while trying not to smirk.

    “The way you kicked those Kyrios to the hospital, man I will never forget that. Throw some more wood on the fire Alexios, It’s a cold night with this damn snow everywhere, and if you keep poking around with your sword nothing will happen.” Dvergar, the unusual short Jättar quickly and rather bluntly replies the group.

    “Ah please Dvergar, Don’t keep reminding people ! The Kyrios still won’t talk to Atticus. Also am I the only one that thinks it’s even colder then normal today?. I can feel the wind going through my bones. What do you expect from living next to the fort with all the wind. You should be used to it by now.” Thedeus quickly replies to the other apprentices being afraid to be let out off the conversation with his friends.

    A voice from afar suddenly interrupts the chatter. “Atticus, Alexios, Dvergar and Thedeus. Report to the Strato at once!”

    The men reply quickly “Yes sir!”

    The men leave their tent camp, make their way over to the fortress barracks up the hill while heavy snowfall keeps falling leaving the landscape coverd in snow. Eventually making it to the guards who awaits them at the gate. “Atticus first, Strato Dranan’s orders. The rest must wait.”

    Atticus turns around to his fellow apprentices, nods that all is okay and follows the guard into the fortress. Atticus observes the fortress which has been build forty-four years ago. Only to see it is a shadow of it’s former self. The gates are half rotten, the stones from the tower are falling down with hard winds. The fortress wouldn’t lest a day during a siege Atticus thought before hearing a voice.

    “Atticus, son of Lord Ravel, Lord of Alingas. Sit down. It has been ten years since you joined us here. Ten years of hard training, ten years of combat. You have been better at anything since the first day, besides that you have took upon yourself a leading role within the apprentices. It is for this reason that tomorrow you all will be sworn into our Army. You know this, what you do not know is you will become the Dekar of these new men. You will command nineteen of the finest recruits from your enrollment year. Yes I know what you are thinking what a pathetic number, but since the dissolution of the Empire of Jättar, Alingas shrunk in size and we cannot muster more men and that is without mentioning the deaths during training. Tell your friends that they will be your officers. In accordance to our traditions you as the Dekar are permitted to visit your father tonight in anticipation of tomorrows ceremony. At least, if the snow doesn’t decide to cancel it. That would be all… Dekar.”

    “Thank you for this honor Strato Dranan. I will not disappoint you nor the people of Alingas.” Atticus stands up and does a slight bow for the Strato before leaving the Strato his quarters and making his way back to the gate where he left his friends thinking about his future, about being responsible for leading his men in battle and in peace.

    “Well gentleman, it would seem like I am to be your Dekar. Tomorrow at the ceremony I will be formally named Dekar and you all will become my fellow officers. I have no clue which ranks you will be assigned to so don’t bother asking. At lest we will command nineteen men into battle, the only survivors of our enrollment year. We can do this gentleman, this is what we have trained for, this is what we were born to do.”

    The men briefly clap their hands before making their way back to their camp. Preparing for their last night in the tent camp before they are allowed to move into the fortress barracks. Atticus, instead of joining his men on their last night makes his way past the sentries who have been informed of his right to leave this night. Descending further off hill through to the town itself. Walking on the main road, build by the first Jättar to settle in Alingas a road that has been walked by thousands of Jättar, a road that has been marched upon by thousands of warriors and now the way home for a young soldier for the first time in ten years.

    After a walk of several minutes Atticus arrives in the shadow of the great fortress Vanquish. A castle build generations ago but has fallen into decay.Though despite its decay it’s still a formidable castle. Atticus makes his way to the gate where someone is waiting.

    “Is that really you sir Atticus ? Do my old eyes deceive me ? Could it be really true that all those years have passed and you are here again?”

    “Yes Dekar of the guard Vigill. I have returned to see my father. Tomorrow I will be inaugurated to the army. Tell me Dekar Vigill, Have any high lords visited over the years I have been absent ?”

    “My young sir, it is such a pleasure seeing you all grown up ! No sir, not even one Lord has visited your father in your absence. Quite frankly I cannot recall the last real visitor besides local governmental visits. If you are searching your father you will probably find him near the armorer. He was working on some new type of armor.”

    “Thank you Dekar. I hope to see you more often in the coming times.” The Dekar made a small bow before letting Atticus pass who, at long last returns home again.

    Walking through the old gate which has some serious signs of decay, moving towards Victory-Bridge which spawns over the inner moat which is an astonishing 10 meters in width. Patrolling soldiers of the castle guard fall to the knee when they come across the son of their liege. The path continues from the Victory-Bridge to the inner square, from there through the inner defenses works to eventually reach the armorer. The cliche sound of metal on metal can be heard from a far. The armorer indeed is working on a set of armor.

    “Smith Aquilla, after all these years you still work here. I thought you would’ve passed by now. Aren’t you like a hundred years old now ?”

    “Young master Atticus, still the joker aren’t you? I’m 107 now young master someone must be the one that works with the steel and metal. Your father only wants the best and he keeps telling me I’m the best. Can I do something for you young master ?”

    “Well, you could tell me where my father is. I was told he was here.”

    Before the smith could reply a deep and dark voice comes from the back of the smith’s store.

    From the shadows appears a man, long and strong with his sword in his hand “Right on time.”

    “How so father?”

    “Aquilla, is it ready ?” Ravel spoke while putting his sword in his scabbard.

    “Yes my lord” the old smith says with a sense of pride in his words.

    “Is what ready?” Atticus asks in dismay.

    “This young. May I present to you this armor my lord. Please allow me to fit it.”

    “Very well.”

    The smith starts with putting on the shin guards, black steel engraved with lion paws in silver makes an imposing sight, he moves on to leg pieces in the same black steel. The breast plate had the banner of house Ironhand on it. A lion striking with his paw inlay-ed with silver in the middle of the breast, further it had the shape of the abdominal muscles and fits perfect on Atticus his body. Leather flaps hanged from the breast plate. No armor on the arms were present so that there will be much mobility. Finally the helmet is presented, It covers the entire face but is open around the eyes and mouth in a T shape.

    “The armor is a replication of the armors of the First Jättar young master. The steel was won from 4 meteors, which wasn’t easy to find. It is a gift from your father young master, with his permission I made a gift for you as well. “ The old smith walks into the back of his store and searches for something while mumbling.

    “Like it ?”

    “Thank you father, I hope it brings honor to our house.” Atticus spoke with the utmost respect while admiring his armor.

    “Good.”

    “Ah there it is. May I present this sword to you my young master. Forged out of the left overs of the meteoric steel. It’s so strong that I broke several hammers on it. It has the same black color as the armor sir. I fear I cannot change that it’s a unique perk of the steel it seems. May it grant you many victories young master.”

    “Thank you father and thank you master Aquilla, you delivered great work, you truly are the best smith in the realm.” Atticus says while he swings the sword around like if he was a young boy playing with a wooden sword.

    “Well, I already informed Strato Dranan that he gives you the sword and shield during the ceremony tomorrow. Your shield will be a surprise until tomorrow. So hand over the sword, tomorrow you can play with it all you want. Now go and rest. Tomorrow is an important day. “

    “Will you be there father ?” Atticus says while handing over his newly acquired sword.

    “No” Ravel replied rather uninterested before walking off into the darkness that the castle is shrouded in.


    Day 2, Morning, Atticus Ironhand, Fortress Alingas.

    The people of Alingas gather inside the town’s Fortress, today is the graduation of those that joined the Agoge 20 years ago. The previous day was met with heavy snow storms so the entire region is covered in a big blanket of snow. The graduates are all standing in formation while the people make their way onto the public stages. The ceremony has been preformed for many years. It was decreed by the first Emperor of the Jättar Lord Dreadnought, when the Jättar lost the major battle of Limes against the Human tribes of the south. It was painfully obvious the Jättar needed a trained fighting force instead of armed farmers. From that moment onward the Agoge was instituted. Since then the Agoge grew out to an essential part of the Jättar traditions.

    “People of Alingas, It has been 474 years since our defeat at the battle of Limes. Today we commemorate those fallen warriors, we remember their defeat because it gives us strength. Strength so we may never again taste the failure of defeat. Today we grant those we deem worthy the chance to become exalted among men. Today we hand our new warriors their chance for glory. Today is their day!” A long and loud applause is heard bouncing back of the fortress walls creating a unique atmosphere.

    From behind the stage several carts are being pushed out of the armory, some with shields and some with swords.

    “Warriors, have a good look at your sword and shield. They will be your best friends for the coming 25 years. Remember failure is not acceptable.” Steadily all new warriors are outfitted with their weapons except for one. “Atticus, join me on the center stage.” The Strato is seen holding a nicely engraved scabbard with Atticus his sword in it,as agreed upon the previous day.

    The soldier steadily breaks rank and makes his way onto the center stage while the audience greets him with cheers. Atticus arrives at the stage and Strato Dranan moves his lips to start speaking when a guard screams so loud it even outclasses the loud cheering.

    “Enemy’s ! Enemy’s on the horizon !” Strato Dranan quickly throws Atticus his scabbard. The new warriors instinctively start aiding the civilians and help them to safety further inside the fortress. Atticus and a bunch of other officers follow Strato Dranan onto the fortress wall. All are greeted by a swarm of enemies approaching the town. Multiple ranks of enemy infantry in line formations yet only a few men on horseback are present.

    “Atticus, your graduation will have to wait. Get your men together and proceed to secure the gate until everyone is safely inside.”

    “Understood Strato.” Atticus replies being slightly disturbed that such a large force of slow moving infantry could infiltrate the Jättar held lands.

    Atticus runs back down to the fortress square where he rallies up with his friends and classmates that just finished aiding the civilians.

    Atticus roars “Soldiers, follow me to the gate! Help the people that are still outside !”

    Alexios, Dvergar, Thedeus and the nineteen other graduates start rushing to the gate where they take formation in the front of the gate. Farmers keep on rushing towards the fort while the enemy force keeps advancing. In the distance an elderly couple is running as fast as they can but are being chased by 2 horsemen…

    “Alexios, you help the people here, I need to help those citizens in the distance!” Before anyone can react Atticus is running toward the elderly couple. As he runs towards them he shouts “Duck down!” at the moment they comply to Atticus he throws a dagger into the face of one of the horseman, Instantly killed he falls off, in doing so he crashes into his companion. Atticus quickly helps up the elderly couple and helps them back on their way. Atticus draws his sword and waits until the other horseman recovers from his fall.

    The horseman gets up and instantly starts running towards Atticus, the horseman reaches back with his sword to strike at full power… Atticus parries the attack, knocks his attacker in the face throwing him backwards. Blood is dripping off the assailants face onto the snow, coloring it blood red. At the same time he is screaming it out of pain, having probably broken his nose. Atticus calmly walks towards the horseman and puts his sword at his throat.

    “Who are you? Which tribe sent you here?”

    No response is uttered, upon which Atticus thrusts his sword into the horseman his throat. Instantly killing him. Observing the area Atticus concludes the area is getting more dangerous by the second and he starts running back towards the gate while trying not to slide away in the layer of snow while being pursued by the first enemy line.

    “Alexios, close the gate! Everyone is in. I doubt this battered gate will hold them out sir.”

    “It won’t. Let the strongest men push their shields against the gate to buy some time. For the rest of you, shield wall!” A loud scream as conformation and the thundering sound of all those shields interlocking even makes the loud cheers of the enemy go away.

    “Atticus I see you are still alive.”

    “Yes Strato Dranan. I tried to capture one but he wouldn’t talk so I killed him.”

    “Good riddance. Including your force of 21 we have an other 70 soldiers of the garrison and 170 students. I want you to take command on this battle. The town already has been burned down. From here it’s impossible to see the situation at Castle Vanquish so don’t expect a relief force… Even if they come you know the state of our “army”.” Strato Dranan said rather skeptical.

    “Thank you for this honor Strato.” Atticus draws his sword and prepares for the enemy who is just meters away from the gate. Interlocking himself next to the Strato. “Jättar, this is our home, this is our village this is our moment!” Atticus shouts to inspire the man. The soldiers reply with their toughest war cries just as the enemy starts pounding on the gate.


    Day 3, Midday, Ravel Ironhand, outskirts of Alingas.

    “Warriors, over this hill lays our home, our Alingas! The place where we all grew up, where we fought our first battles for, where we became true men ! Now the place where we grew up is under attack. These attackers are trying to destroy us, trying to claim these lands we call our home. Fight for our right to survive, this is our home not theirs! Today we will be victorious, today will be your day! Today we will bathe in the blood of our enemies. We are Jättar! We are the pinnacle of the warrior society! Warriors… Attack!” The powerful voice of Ravel inspires five hundred men to charge over and down the hill into the rear enemy line.

    The enemy assuming all the forces would be present at fortress Alingas, are taken by complete surprise. Jättar soldiers plunge into the enemy lines breaking enemy shields like twigs. Jättar Great-swords charged into enemy bodies ripping them open like it’s nothing.

    Ravel as a true leader is in the middle of the fight. Dodging an incoming sword and replying with a quick thrust through the attackers chest. “Push on!” He roars. The Jättar as told, push on. In the wake of their advance is only death. With their superb stamina and power the Jättar keep on pushing. Crushing shields with their heavy blows and killing anyone in their sight. Only dead and mutilated bodies remain, bathing in a river of bloodied snow.

    “Jättar hold!” A firm shout from the Jättar forces quickly sounds, immediately followed by the sound of shield interlocking for a shield wall. Having broken the enemy lines the frightened enemy soldiers are in full retreat while their general on his white stallion, is killing his own soldiers trying to stop the rout. “Cowards!” he shouts while riding trough the remains of the order of battle and cutting down his own men.

    Ravel shouts with a deep and powerful voice “Human your fight is over!”

    “Never! You filthy barbarian!” The general kicks his horse and charges over a distance of some twenty meters. Ravel as his son earlier, doesn’t hesitate and draws his sword. “Idiot” he mumbles before throwing his sword into the stallion. The General falls off and comes to a stop at Ravels feet. “Pathetic humans… Tell me who you are.”

    Mumbling under the extreme pain the general says “Your worst nightmare.” Ravel grabs the general by his throat and lifts him from the ground. The general, a very short man looks like a mere child compared to Ravel. Now in even more pain the general tries to scream but can’t.

    “You humans think you’re everything, while you clearly cannot see that not humans but Jättar are the only true warrior race. We are bred for war, designed for it. You have lost this battle and you will lose this war. I will find your village, I will burn your village, I will personally kill your family, and while your people suffer and ask them selfs ‘Why?’ your name will be uttered. You will be held responsible for the coming genocide.” With those words Ravel snaps the generals neck. Thinking mumbling to himself “Puny humans.”

    “Droungar Vigill, I suppose you appreciated the change of setting. How many soldiers died?”

    “Sure did Sir! I thank you for this opportunity. 82 killed during the battle with thirty-three severely injured. A further twenty-two received injuries but were able to continue fighting. Of the four severely injured warriors two are in critical state.”

    “Arrange their burnings with full honors. You are in command. Wrap it up here, remember no prisoners. I’ll see if there is anyone in that burning heap they call a fortress.”

    “Aye sir!”

    Bodies litter the field… hundreds of corpses are being feasted upon by crows and other scavengers. The fields are drenched with red snow. Painful screams for help are being answered by swords. Fortress Alingas is reduced to a smoking pile of bricks. The walls surrounding the gate and those on the west side have all been reduced to rubble. Catapults had been a very effective force in this battle. Ravel walks towards the smoking remains of what once was a gate but still hears the sound of swords colliding. The enemy soldiers inside had not been aware of their commanders death and still are trying to take the fortress. As Ravel comes onto the courtyard he sees piles of dead bodies, Jättar and enemy alike but also multiple severely wounded warriors. On what remains of the center stage a sword fight is going on with three enemy soldiers.

    One Jättar is fighting them, drenched in the blood of his enemies. His skin and armor are blood red, there are remains on his back of something that one day was a cape. It is Atticus who is the Jättar fighter. Unrecognizable because of his blood red color. Ravel, having gone unnoticed thrusts his sword through one of the enemy soldiers, splattering blood all over Atticus his face, who quickly stabs the enemy on his left with a secondary sword laying on the ground and quickly finishing of the remaining soldier. All while his father puts his sword back into his scabbard as if there was no threat at all.

    “I didn’t need your help. I was doing fine old man. Do you not see I am the only one standing. I killed the most of anyone here!” Atticus said irritated.

    “You should have killed more. Tend to your wounded. You’ll need them. Prepare your dead for burning.”

    “Who are these people?”

    “They are the Bakufu, an ancient warrior tribe, but these people aren’t their elite soldiers. They’ll be here soon.” Ravel replies while making his way back to his own soldiers. “Meet me at Castle Vanquish as soon as you’re done. Bring everyone that can walk.”

    “Even the children from the Agoge and the farmers?”

    “No, Leave them.” Ravel shouts while passing the gates and leaving Atticus quite baffled.

    “Lord Ravel, The wounded are cared for and our dead are being prepared for burning. All the enemy soldiers in the immediate area have been killed. The main bulk however has been routed and is still on the lose. My estimates are that there were some 1500 enemy soldiers. First numbers suggest that we killed about 700. We don’t have the manpower to pursue Sir.”

    “Excellent. Let them be, We’ll deal with them later. Let the wounded guard the dead. Prepare the men to move. We’re going to castle Vanquish. Good work Vigill. It would seem that promoting you to a Droungar was a good idea.”

    “Aye sir! Warriors! Prepare to move out!” Vigill screamed from the top of his lungs.


    Atticus Ironhand, later that day, Castle Vanquish.

    Back in the fortress a fading voice utters “Atticus, what are your father’s orders ?”

    “Thedeus ? I was sure I saw you fell. What are you doing down there if you’re not dead?” Atticus replies with a distraught voice. Seemingly irritated that his friend wasn’t participating in the fight.

    “They got me… It’s my leg… they got my leg Atticus.” As Atticus approaches his friend Thedeus raises his leg… Only his thy remains. Blood squirts out as Thedeus moves it. “Please kill me… I can’t live in our society like this… A cripple. Kill me !” Without hesitation Atticus thrusts his sword through Thedeus his head. “We don’t have room for the crippled.” Atticus mumbles.

    While Atticus cleans his with blood tainted sword a door is being kicked in that leads to the armory.

    “Atticus you’re alive ?” A stunned Alexios utters.

    Never caught off guard Atticus moves only his head in the direction of the door seeing Alexios as well as Dvergar coming out it. “Well well well, you guys didn’t die did you…”

    “Not only have we survived, we killed Dranan.” Dvergar quickly responds with a humorous tone.

    “I presume he fled ?” Atticus replied uninterested. “Well, My father ordered me to come to his castle with the remaining survivors. I killed Thedeus over here. He lost his leg. Probably trying to be a ing hero or something. There are some survivors, there are about 9 over in the kitchen. They’re from our year. I told them to go there early in the fight. Collect them so we can make our way to the castle. Droungar Vigill left multiple men outside tending to our wounded men out there, those who can’t walk will remain with them. The same will apply for the children and farmers” Atticus concludes.

    Several minutes later the of energy depleted company arrives in the Castles shadow where they are greeted with salutes from soldiers on the wall. “Open the gate for Dekar Atticus!” a watch officer yells down. The large gate opens and the company of men make their way over victory-bridge onto the courtyard. The courtyard is filled with life, something that hasn’t happened in years. Soldiers running around with food, water, weaponry and armor. Fires are lit all over the courtyard keeping men around then warm and at the same time helps melt snow into drinkable water.

    Vigill shouts from a distance “There you are Dekar Atticus. Your father requests your presence in the war room.”

    “Droungar Vigill, I see that father promoted you. Well… you deserve it I suppose.” Atticus said with a rather cynical and jealous tone.

    “Thank you young Dekar, I’ll get your men to a spot where they can rest and have their wounds checked by one of our Kyrios. Before you go to your father, could you tell me where Strato Dranan is ?”

    Atticus agitated with the delay “He’s dead alright? he fled after the enemy forces broke through the walls and gate. He shamed us all. Alexios over there can help you sort out the detail. If that would be all I’d like to get going.”

    “Very well Dekar.” Vigill replied in an equally agitated tone before moving off towards Alexios.”

    Moving over the courtyard and making his way into the main building of the fortress Atticus takes the stairs up to the second floor. Nothing significant just a simple stairs. Usability over grandeur. Arriving on the second floor the war room is o the left. A nice and warm fire is burning under a large map of the known world. Since the Jättar communities are scattered over the north the map could be considered outdated. Since it states the Empire rules all lands in the cold northern region. Ravel is in deep conversation with a huge Jättar wearing the Domesti insignia. Both having their backs at the door and looking out over the courtyard from the balcony both men don’t notice Atticus coming in and taking a peak of the map.

    “Father you asked for me?” Atticus finally says while turning to his father after examining the map.

    Ravel turns and the mysterious Domesti come back inside “About time you arrived. Atticus this is ‘The Bear of the North’ Domesti Marius Faucan.” Ravel said while looking at some documents he was holding.

    Rather stunned Atticus hesitates to shake the man’s hand. Always having been under the impression that there were no Domesti left among the Jättar. After several seconds pass Atticus does shake the hands man and introduces himself “Dekar Atticus Ironhand.”

    “Well now we got that out of the way it’s time for a history lesson” Before Ravel can continue a deep and dark voice interrupts, it’s the voice of Marius. While he walks towards the map he continues ”Atticus, I am your uncle. My father… well your grandfather rules the lands towards the west. Our scouts spotted the Bakafu moving from their lands here in the eastern regions.” Marius says while pointing on the map.

    “Tell him the rest as well.” Ravel replied quite angered.

    Marius continues as asked “They passed through our lands after a unsuccessful raid into the, from here southern regions four days ago… We examined the threat and it didn’t seem to hurt anyone since they were turning away. Our scouts kept following them at a distance it wasn’t until yesterday morning they actually found a remnant of the old road system… As soon as the scouts reported back I was dispatched here with a small force of 500 men.”

    “You just figured it wouldn’t hurt having a unidentified tribe on our lands ?” Atticus asked.

    “Actually your father knew… He was informed last night.” Marius his face says more then a thousand words. Having been under the impression ravel would’ve shared such important information.

    “Shut up Atticus” Ravel quickly utters when he sees Atticus’s lips moving. “Regardless if he knew or not we’re in this together now. I’ve dispatched messengers to fetch our own warriors. There should be about 350 scattered on our borders. Since I didn’t hear from our south-eastern patrol I expect some 300 men to return to us. Here’s where you come in Atticus, Marius inform him.”

    “You’ll take 25 men and ride a day south. They left the elders, woman and children in a camp there. It should have minimum protection so you should be able to raid it. I will stay here until you return and your father’s forces have been amassed.”

    Ravel with his usual skepticism continues “Because you did such a splendid job keeping your men alive Vigill outfitted a party for you with supplies which will be waiting for you. Marius brought horses for you to use. Try to do a better job keeping those alive.”

    With a bitter face Atticus makes a small bow and says “Father, Domesti, I’ll get underway then.”





    Last edited by General Brewster; March 30, 2016 at 02:34 PM.

  2. #2
    Shankbot de Bodemloze's Avatar From the Writers Study!
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    Default Re: Jättar

    As I've recently started having a crack at world-building I thought I'd give this one a read.

    I really enjoyed it, and I think you've set up nice background for Atticus' life, or even Ravel's? It was interesting to see how it sped up at the end and covered a large part of his life. Will that be explored, or is it just to 'set the scene' as it were?

    Good job.

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    Default Re: Jättar

    It seems world building is the new black nowadays.

    Quite a vivid and slightly depressing way to start but it seems to have set the story up perfectly. Excellent writing as well.

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    Shankbot de Bodemloze's Avatar From the Writers Study!
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    Default Re: Jättar

    Although, if we are being Brewster, I did notice a 'he' instead of 'the'...

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    General Brewster's Avatar The Flying Dutchman
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    Default Re: Jättar

    Actually guys Here is my new chap one, basically what you read above !

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Ravel Ironhand, Alingas, 17 ADJ.

    The rain smashed down in waves upon he old hospital’s tile roof, creating sweeping layers of noise that were only broken up by the crash of thunder high above. The lightning flashed trough the worn cloth drapes to distract us, yet it only made the candlelight seem dimmer in between its eruptions. Even so, I can hear and see them on that fateful night after all these years in my mind. The silences brief, the rumbling constant. The darkness prolonged by the streaks of white. What ideas and thought go on trough one’s head on a night like that when your son is born ? The soothsayers and prognosticators might foretell a very rough life at best; and a dark and short one at worst.


    These were all just flickering images that night long ago, however, now I Ravel Ironhand, remember them vividly now. That night was reserved for the love of my life, Evelyn, as she struggled giving birth. It felt more intense than the raging storm outside, and in the end it was. I held her hand tightly; or rather she attempted to squeeze the life out of mine. Not in fear and certainly not because she wanted or needed me there. But just to let her body feel something other then the pain she experienced.


    “Push!” The garrison surgeon kept urged. She gave him a look as if she were a bull ready to charge. Why did I ever let the surgeon in and not leave it to the midwives? The local doctor had recently died from old age and he was the best the city had, or so I tell myself. I knew him from my military days and so I trusted him more than the women folk. Besides the midwives would have forced me out of the room if I was the only man, but something inside me told me I had to be in there. And we Jättar are a proud race, I was not going to miss the birth of my son.


    Luckily there were midwives. A junior one quickly took another cool damp cloth and gingerly placed it upon Evelyn’s forehead. Not that I thought it helped. I swear it evaporated faster than it would under the noonday sun out in the summer badlands.


    Another persuasive “Push!”came from near my lover’s feet. He obviously was not looking to see she needed no encouragement. I, meanwhile, could only look at her. Her honey colored hair, darkened and matted against her head from the seat, tears and wet rags. She was beautiful to me, as she saved more than one glace of love for me during that long night. Her final yell put the thunder to shame and broke my trance.


    “Arrgghh!!” she screamed trough a clenched set of teeth. Who knew such an incredibly loud and piercing sound could come out of a closed mouth? But it did come from Evelyn, and with it my son, as he squeezed trough the opening and into the arms of the surgeon.


    “There we are,” he announced. “It is a boy Lord!” He held just long enough for the senior midwife to cut the cord and take it away from him to quickly wash the baby. “What will you name it Lord ?” he quizzed me and he wiped off his hands, all his attention now on me as if he had no desire to be in the room.


    “Atticus” I pronounced as the midwife now placed the baby in my arms. “Son of Ravel of house Ironhand.” I whispered to myself, hearing how the formal title sounded to my ears only.


    “Let me see him, Ravel, quickly.” Evelyn broke into my dream. Her voice was much too soft now. I turned and gently handed him to her She took him all wrapped up to keep the chill out and kissed him softly on the head. They looked lovely and angelic together and my heart was filled with joy. But it did not last long, as anguish quickly took over her face once more.


    “Oh Ravel.” She whispered.


    “Doctor, come here!” A midwife jumped in. “She won’t stop bleeding.


    Atticus ended up back in my arms and now I was pushed out to the attached hallway. The child, who was quiet after his first few breathes now screamed nearly as loud as Evelyn. I did not know what to do. But I had no time to figure it out, as after what seemed like only a few moments I was called back into a now silent room. She was gone, my future wife lay still and quiet in the bed. A peace was now over her but it was not one I could enjoy.


    “Thank you doctor, I will take Atticus home.” I said before leaving the place I would now come to hate.


    As I walked down the road towards my family home. I noticed the storm had broken quickly and the starts shown down with a brightness that appears only after a storm has cleared the airs. And there above me in the southeast was the constellation of Evelyn, the Lion. It was the long time symbol of House Ironhand. Now there was a sign. At least this one was straight forward; something important was happening to the Ironhand. And I thought back upon the beginning of the night and the troubled signals of silence and unquiet, darkness and the flashes of light. Perhaps they were not so hard to understand either. Out of such a long and miserable trial there can be something to look forward to; the circle of life, one goes out as another comes into the world.







  6. #6
    General Brewster's Avatar The Flying Dutchman
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    Default Re: Jättar

    And here's a still in the works Chapter two. I wanted to post it because your compliments are really helping me continuing !

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Atticus Ironhand, Fortress Alingas, 37 ADJ.

    “Atticus, Do you remember the day we turned ten? Underweight and small. But you proved yourself by kicking the inspectors teeth in to earn your spot. Your father taught you well, as you have demonstrated time and time again.”


    “Alexios, I have fond memories of that day, besides it being my birthday. My father trained from the moment I could walk so I would make it that day. He couldn’t have lived with the same of his only son not making the Selection-Day. I can still laugh that the inspectors thought I wouldn’t be strong enough.”


    “The way you kicked those inspectors to the hospital, man I will never forget that. Throw some more wood on the fire Alexios, It’s a cold night here.”


    “Ah please Dvergar, Don’t keep reminding people ! The inspectors still won’t talk to Atticus. Also it’s always cold in the tent camp. What do you expect from living next to the fort.” Cage quickly replies to the other apprentices.


    A voice from afar suddenly interrupts the chatter. “Atticus, Alexios, Dvergar and Cage. Report to the commander at once!”


    The men reply quickly “Yes sir!”


    The men leave their tent camp and make their way over to the fortress barracks where the guard awaits them at the gate. “Atticus first, Lord Marck’s orders. The rest must wait.”


    Atticus turn around to his fellow apprentices, nods that all is okay and follows the guard into the fortress. Atticus observes the fortress which has been build forty-four years ago. Only to see it is a shadow of it’s former self. The gates are half rotten, the stones from the tower are falling down with hard winds. The fortress wouldn’t lest a day during a siege Atticus thought before hearing a voice.


    “Atticus, son of Lord Ravel, Lord of Alingas and heir to Alingas. Sit down boy. It has been ten years since you joined us here. Ten years of hard training, ten years of combat. You have been better at anything since the first day, besides that you have took upon yourself a leading role within the apprentices. It is for this reason that tomorrow you all will be sworn into our Army. You know this, what you do not know is you will become the commander of these new men. You will command nineteen of the finest recruits from your enrollment year. Yes I know what you are thinking what a pathetic number, but since the dissolution of the Empire of Jättar Alingas shrunk in size and we cannot muster more men and that is without mentioning the deaths during training. Tell your friends, they will be your officers. You are permitted to visit your father tonight in anticipation of tomorrows ceremony.”


    “Thank you for this honor Commander Dranan. I will not disappoint you nor the people of Alingas.” Atticus stand up and does a slight bow for the commander before leaving the commanders quarters and making his way back to the gate where he left his friends.









    Thanks Shank and thanks for pointing that one out I'll go and hunt it down in the morning!

    Merchant, I thank you a lot for reading and taking the time for commenting Because you did so tomorrow I'll continue this chapter !

  7. #7

    Default Re: Jättar

    The dialogue between the two friends was good, I can't wait to see how commanding men turns out for Atticus. Might want to check some grammar mistakes and tense mix ups, though.

  8. #8
    Shankbot de Bodemloze's Avatar From the Writers Study!
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    Default Re: Jättar

    I wonder what misadventure Atticus will find himself in now he is in charge of men, and being his friends as well... a recipe for well crafted disaster.
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    General Brewster's Avatar The Flying Dutchman
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    Default Re: Jättar

    Many thanks ! Aye Merchant I indeed saw there where a lot of mistakes. I fished out quite a lot today. I hope write some stuff tomorrow before I leave for the weekend.

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    Default Re: Jättar

    Quote Originally Posted by General Brewster View Post
    Many thanks ! Aye Merchant I indeed saw there where a lot of mistakes. I fished out quite a lot today. I hope write some stuff tomorrow before I leave for the weekend.
    Ahem, where is it?

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    General Brewster's Avatar The Flying Dutchman
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    Default Re: Jättar

    Tomorrow if I can find some time I'll post it Don't want to start rushing it and end up with something that eventually isn't fully to my liking

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    General Brewster's Avatar The Flying Dutchman
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    Default Re: Jättar

    Quote Originally Posted by General Brewster View Post
    And here's a still in the works Chapter two. I wanted to post it because your compliments are really helping me continuing !

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Atticus Ironhand, Fortress Alingas, 37 ADJ.

    “Atticus, Do you remember the day we turned ten? Underweight and small. But you proved yourself by kicking the inspectors teeth in to earn your spot. Your father taught you well, as you have demonstrated time and time again.”


    “Alexios, I have fond memories of that day, besides it being my birthday. My father trained from the moment I could walk so I would make it that day. He couldn’t have lived with the same of his only son not making the Selection-Day. I can still laugh that the inspectors thought I wouldn’t be strong enough.”


    “The way you kicked those inspectors to the hospital, man I will never forget that. Throw some more wood on the fire Alexios, It’s a cold night here.”


    “Ah please Dvergar, Don’t keep reminding people ! The inspectors still won’t talk to Atticus. Also it’s always cold in the tent camp. What do you expect from living next to the fort.” Cage quickly replies to the other apprentices.


    A voice from afar suddenly interrupts the chatter. “Atticus, Alexios, Dvergar and Cage. Report to the commander at once!”


    The men reply quickly “Yes sir!”


    The men leave their tent camp and make their way over to the fortress barracks where the guard awaits them at the gate. “Atticus first, Lord Marck’s orders. The rest must wait.”


    Atticus turn around to his fellow apprentices, nods that all is okay and follows the guard into the fortress. Atticus observes the fortress which has been build forty-four years ago. Only to see it is a shadow of it’s former self. The gates are half rotten, the stones from the tower are falling down with hard winds. The fortress wouldn’t lest a day during a siege Atticus thought before hearing a voice.


    “Atticus, son of Lord Ravel, Lord of Alingas and heir to Alingas. Sit down boy. It has been ten years since you joined us here. Ten years of hard training, ten years of combat. You have been better at anything since the first day, besides that you have took upon yourself a leading role within the apprentices. It is for this reason that tomorrow you all will be sworn into our Army. You know this, what you do not know is you will become the commander of these new men. You will command nineteen of the finest recruits from your enrollment year. Yes I know what you are thinking what a pathetic number, but since the dissolution of the Empire of Jättar Alingas shrunk in size and we cannot muster more men and that is without mentioning the deaths during training. Tell your friends, they will be your officers. You are permitted to visit your father tonight in anticipation of tomorrows ceremony.”


    “Thank you for this honor Commander Dranan. I will not disappoint you nor the people of Alingas.” Atticus stand up and does a slight bow for the commander before leaving the commanders quarters and making his way back to the gate where he left his friends.









    Thanks Shank and thanks for pointing that one out I'll go and hunt it down in the morning!

    Merchant, I thank you a lot for reading and taking the time for commenting Because you did so tomorrow I'll continue this chapter !
    I think im happy how it turned out now !

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Atticus Ironhand, Fortress Alingas, 37 ADJ.

    “Atticus, Do you remember the day we turned ten? Underweight and small. But you proved yourself by kicking the inspectors teeth in to earn your spot. Your father taught you well, as you have demonstrated time and time again.”


    “Alexios, I have fond memories of that day, besides it being my birthday. My father trained from the moment I could walk so I would make it that day. He couldn’t have lived with the shame of his only son not being selected during the Agoge. I can still laugh that the inspectors thought I wouldn’t be strong enough.”


    “The way you kicked those inspectors to the hospital, man I will never forget that. Throw some more wood on the fire Alexios, It’s a cold night here.”


    “Ah please Dvergar, Don’t keep reminding people ! The inspectors still won’t talk to Atticus. Also am I the only one that thinks it’s even colder then normal today?. I can feel the wind going through my bones. What do you expect from living next to the fort with all the wind. You should be used to it by now.” Thedeus quickly replies to the other apprentices.


    A voice from afar suddenly interrupts the chatter. “Atticus, Alexios, Dvergar and Thedeus. Report to the commander at once!”


    The men reply quickly “Yes sir!”


    The men leave their tent camp and make their way over to the fortress barracks up the hill where the guard awaits them at the gate. “Atticus first, Lord Marck’s orders. The rest must wait.”


    Atticus turns around to his fellow apprentices, nods that all is okay and follows the guard into the fortress. Atticus observes the fortress which has been build forty-four years ago. Only to see it is a shadow of it’s former self. The gates are half rotten, the stones from the tower are falling down with hard winds. The fortress wouldn’t lest a day during a siege Atticus thought before hearing a voice.


    “Atticus, son of Lord Ravel, Lord of Alingas and heir to Alingas. Sit down boy. It has been ten years since you joined us here. Ten years of hard training, ten years of combat. You have been better at anything since the first day, besides that you have took upon yourself a leading role within the apprentices. It is for this reason that tomorrow you all will be sworn into our Army. You know this, what you do not know is you will become the commander of these new men. You will command nineteen of the finest recruits from your enrollment year. Yes I know what you are thinking what a pathetic number, but since the dissolution of the Empire of Jättar, Alingas shrunk in size and we cannot muster more men and that is without mentioning the deaths during training. Tell your friends that they will be your officers. In accordance to our traditions you as the captain are permitted to visit your father tonight in anticipation of tomorrows ceremony. That would be all… Captain.”


    “Thank you for this honor commander Dranan. I will not disappoint you nor the people of Alingas.” Atticus stands up and does a slight bow for the commander before leaving the commander his quarters and making his way back to the gate where he left his friends thinking about his future, about being responsible for leading his men in battle and in peace.


    “Well gentleman, it would seem like I am to be your captain. Tomorrow at the ceremony I will be formally named captain and you all will become my fellow officers. I have no clue which ranks you will be assigned to so don’t bother asking. At lest we will command nineteen men into battle, the only survivors of our enrollment year. We can do this gentleman, this is what we have trained for, this is what we were born to do.”


    The men briefly clap their hands before making their way back to their camp. Preparing for their last night in the tent camp before they are allowed to move into the fortress barracks. Atticus, instead of joining his men on their last night makes his way past the sentries who have been informed of his right to leave this night. Descending further off hill through to the town itself. Walking on the main road, build by the first Jättar to settle in Alingas a road that has been walked by thousands of Jättar, a road that has been marched upon by thousands of warriors and now the way home for a young soldier for the first time in twenty years.


    After a walk of several minutes Atticus arrives in the shadow of the great fortress Vanquish. A castle build generations ago but has fallen into decay. Despite its decay it’s still a formidable castle. Atticus makes his way to the gate where someone is waiting.


    “Is that really you sir Atticus ? Do my old eyes deceive me ? Could it be really true that all those years have passed and you are here again?”


    “Yes Captain of the guard Nalov. I have returned to see my father. Tomorrow I will be inaugurated to the army. Tell me Captain Nalov, Have any high lords visited over the years I have been absent ?”


    “My young sir, it is such a pleasure seeing you all grown up ! No sir, not even one Lord has visited your father in your absence. Quite frankly I cannot recall the last real visitor besides governmental visits. If you are searching your father you will probably find him near the armorer. He was working on some new type of armor.”


    “Thank you captain. I hope to see you more often in the coming times.” The captain made a small bow before letting Atticus pass who, at long last returns home again.


    Walking through the old gate which has some serious signs of decay, moving towards Victory-Bridge which spawns over the inner moat which is an astonishing 10 meters in width. Patrolling soldiers of the castle guard fall to the knee when they come across the son of their liege. The path continues from the Victory-Bridge to the inner square, from there through the inner defenses works to eventually reach the armorer. The cliche sound of metal on metal can be heard from a far. The armorer indeed is working on a set of armor.


    “Old smith Aquilla, after all these years you still work here. I thought you would’ve passed by now. Aren’t you like a hundred ?”


    “Young master Atticus, still the joker aren’t you? I’m 107 now young master someone must be the one that works with the steel and metal. Your father only wants the best and he keeps telling me I’m the best. Can I do something for you young master ?”


    “Well, you could tell me where my father is. I was told he was here.”


    Before the smith could reply a deep and dark voice comes from the back of the smith’s store.


    From the shadows appears a man, long and strong with his sword in his hand “Right on time.”


    “How so father?”


    “Aquilla, is it ready ?” Ravel spoke while putting his sword in his scabbard.


    “Yes my lord” the old smith says with a sense of pride in his words.


    “Is what ready?” Atticus asks in dismay.


    “This young. May I present to you this armor my lord. Please allow me to fit it.”


    “Very well.”


    The smith starts with putting on the shin guards, black steel in color engraved with a tree of life in silver makes an imposing sight, he moves on to leg pieces in the same black steel. The breast plate had the banner of house Ironhand on it a lion striking with his paw inlay-ed with a silver inlay in the middle of the breast, further it had the shape of the abdominal muscles and fits perfect on Atticus his body. Leather flaps hanged from the breast plate. No armor on the arms where present so that there would be much mobility. Finally the helmet was presented, It covered the entire face but is open around the eyes and mouth in a T shape.


    “The armor is a replication of the armors of the First Jättar young master. The steel was won from 4 meteors. It is a gift of your father young master, with his permission I have a gift for you as well. “ The old smith walks into the back of his store and searches for something while mumbling.


    “Well do you like it ?”


    “Thank you father, I hope it brings honor to our house.” Atticus spoke with the utmost respect while admiring his armor.


    “Ah there it is. May I present this sword to you my young master. Forged out of the left overs of the meteoric steel. It’s so strong that I broke a hammer on it. It has the same black color as the armor sir. I fear I cannot change that it’s a unique perk of the steel it would seem. May it grant you many victories young master.”


    “Thank you father and thank you master Aquilla, you delivered great work, you truly are the best smith in the realm.” Atticus swings the sword like if he was a young boy playing with a wooden sword.”


    “Well my son, I already informed Commander Dranan that he gives you the sword and shield during the ceremony tomorrow. Your shield will be a surprise until tomorrow. Now go and rest. Tomorrow is important. “


    “Will you be there father ?”


    “We’ll see” Ravel replied rather uninteresting before walking off into the darkness that the castle is shrouded in.






  13. #13
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Jättar

    I like the way that you write dialogue - I feel that I can hear the voices of the characters and that they have distinctive voices. (When I write, I tend to feel that my characters all sound the same, so I admire this quality in your writing.) I look forward to finding out what will happen to Atticus and his nineteen men.

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    General Brewster's Avatar The Flying Dutchman
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    Default Re: Jättar

    I'm so happy to hear that ! I'm really trying to incorperate such things so people can talk about it and indeed come to a conclusion a character would sound like such a distinct voice.

    It's really inspiring to hear stuff from people here it really makes me confidant ! (Im not a confident writer lol)

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    General Brewster's Avatar The Flying Dutchman
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    Default Re: Jättar

    I realise I've been putting this off for far to long. I'm making some checks atm and then I'll post an update.

    I was wondering if you guys that read it could tell me what your feeling is with the story. Does it feel dark or ? things like that

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    Shankbot de Bodemloze's Avatar From the Writers Study!
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    Default Re: Jättar

    Looking forward to reading an update Brewster, nice to have you back.
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    General Brewster's Avatar The Flying Dutchman
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    Default Re: Jättar

    Hello Ya'll!

    I know it's been a while since I posted something so here's the full story with a new scene. It's currently about 4500 words and I think this will be considerd a chapter. You'll see some new terminology among the rank, for that I added some information on the ranks and military system. You will also see I named it "The Iron Dynasty" I used it for a word file a while back and it's sticking to me and I think its a nice titel. I'm aware I havent done to much spelling corrections my apologies for that. I hope everyone will enjoy.

    The Iron Dynasty
    Ravel Ironhand, Alingas, 17 ADJ.

    The rain smashed down in waves upon he old hospital’s tile roof, creating sweeping layers of noise that were only broken up by the crash of thunder high above. The lightning flashed trough the worn cloth drapes to distract us, yet it only made the candlelight seem dimmer in between its eruptions. Even so, I can hear and see them on that fateful night after all these years in my mind. The silences brief, the rumbling constant. The darkness prolonged by the streaks of white. What ideas and thought go on trough one’s head on a night like that when your son is born ? The soothsayers and prognosticators might foretell a very rough life at best; and a dark and short one at worst.

    These were all just flickering images that night long ago, however, now I Ravel Ironhand, remember them vividly now. That night was reserved for the love of my life, Evelyn, as she struggled giving birth. It felt more intense than the raging storm outside, and in the end it was. I held her hand tightly; or rather she attempted to squeeze the life out of mine. Not in fear and certainly not because she wanted or needed me there. But just to let her body feel something other then the pain she experienced.

    “Push!” The Garrison Kheiro kept urging. She gave him a look as if she were a bull ready to charge. Why did I ever let the Kheiro in and not leave it to the midwives? The local Kheiro had recently died from old age and he was the best the city had, or so I tell myself. I knew him from my military days and so I trusted him more than the women folk. Besides the midwives would have forced me out of the room if I was the only man, but something inside me told me I had to be in there. And we Jättar are a proud race, I was not going to miss the birth of my son.

    Luckily there were midwives. A junior one quickly took another cool damp cloth and gingerly placed it upon Evelyn’s forehead. Not that I thought it helped. I swear it evaporated faster than it would under the noonday sun out in the summer badlands.

    Another persuasive “Push!”came from near my lover’s feet. He obviously was not looking to see she needed no encouragement. I, meanwhile, could only look at her. Her honey colored hair, darkened and matted against her head from the seat, tears and wet rags. She was beautiful to me, as she saved more than one glace of love for me during that long night. Her final yell put the thunder to shame and broke my trance.

    “Arrgghh!!” she screamed trough a clenched set of teeth. Who knew such an incredibly loud and piercing sound could come out of a closed mouth? But it did come from Evelyn, and with it my son, as he squeezed trough the opening and into the arms of the Kheiro.

    “There we are,” he announced. “It is a boy Lord!” He held just long enough for the senior midwife to cut the cord and take it away from him to quickly wash the baby. “What will you name it Lord ?” he quizzed me and he wiped off his hands, all his attention now on me as if he had no desire to be in the room.

    “Atticus” I pronounced as the midwife now placed the baby in my arms. “Son of Ravel of house Ironhand.” I whispered to myself, hearing how the formal title sounded to my ears only.

    “Let me see him, Ravel, quickly.” Evelyn broke into my dream. Her voice was much too soft now. I turned and gently handed him to her She took him all wrapped up to keep the chill out and kissed him softly on the head. They looked lovely and angelic together and my heart was filled with joy. But it did not last long, as anguish quickly took over her face once more.

    “Oh Ravel.” She whispered.

    “Kheiro, come here!” A midwife jumped in. “She won’t stop bleeding.

    Atticus ended up back in my arms and now I was pushed out to the attached hallway. The child, who was quiet after his first few breathes now screamed nearly as loud as Evelyn. I did not know what to do. But I had no time to figure it out, as after what seemed like only a few moments I was called back into a now silent room. She was gone, my future wife lay still and quiet in the bed. A peace was now over her but it was not one I could enjoy.

    “Thank you Kheiro, I will take Atticus home now.” I said before leaving the place I would now come to hate.

    As I walked down the road towards my family home. I noticed the storm had broken quickly and the starts shown down with a brightness that appears only after a storm has cleared the airs. And there above me in the southeast was the constellation of Evelyn, the Lion. It was the long time symbol of House Ironhand. Now there was a sign. At least this one was straight forward; something important was happening to the Ironhand. And I thought back upon the beginning of the night and the troubled signals of silence and unquiet, darkness and the flashes of light. Perhaps they were not so hard to understand either. Out of such a long and miserable trial there can be something to look forward to; the circle of life, one goes out as another comes into the world.


    Atticus Ironhand, Fortress Alingas, 37 ADJ.

    “Atticus, Do you remember the day we turned ten? Underweight and small. But you proved yourself by kicking the Kyrios teeth in to earn your spot during the Agoge. Your father taught you well, as you have demonstrated time and time again.” Alexios recalls while poking the fire with his sword.

    “Alexios, I have fond memories of that day, besides it being my birthday. My father trained from the moment I could walk so I would make it that day. He couldn’t have lived with the shame of his only son not being selected during the Agoge. I can still laugh that the Kyrios thought I wouldn’t be strong enough.” Atticus replies while trying not to smirk.

    “The way you kicked those Kyrios to the hospital, man I will never forget that. Throw some more wood on the fire Alexios, It’s a cold night with this damn snow everywhere, and if you keep poking around with your sword nothing will happen.” Dvergar, the unusual short Jättar quickly and rather bluntly replies the group.

    “Ah please Dvergar, Don’t keep reminding people ! The Kyrios still won’t talk to Atticus. Also am I the only one that thinks it’s even colder then normal today?. I can feel the wind going through my bones. What do you expect from living next to the fort with all the wind. You should be used to it by now.” Thedeus quickly replies to the other apprentices being afraid to be let out off the conversation with his friends.

    A voice from afar suddenly interrupts the chatter. “Atticus, Alexios, Dvergar and Thedeus. Report to the Strato at once!”

    The men reply quickly “Yes sir!”

    The men leave their tent camp, make their way over to the fortress barracks up the hill while heavy snowfall keeps falling leaving the landscape coverd in snow. Eventually making it to the guards who awaits them at the gate. “Atticus first, Strato Dranan’s orders. The rest must wait.”

    Atticus turns around to his fellow apprentices, nods that all is okay and follows the guard into the fortress. Atticus observes the fortress which has been build forty-four years ago. Only to see it is a shadow of it’s former self. The gates are half rotten, the stones from the tower are falling down with hard winds. The fortress wouldn’t lest a day during a siege Atticus thought before hearing a voice.

    “Atticus, son of Lord Ravel, Lord of Alingas. Sit down. It has been ten years since you joined us here. Ten years of hard training, ten years of combat. You have been better at anything since the first day, besides that you have took upon yourself a leading role within the apprentices. It is for this reason that tomorrow you all will be sworn into our Army. You know this, what you do not know is you will become the Dekar of these new men. You will command nineteen of the finest recruits from your enrollment year. Yes I know what you are thinking what a pathetic number, but since the dissolution of the Empire of Jättar, Alingas shrunk in size and we cannot muster more men and that is without mentioning the deaths during training. Tell your friends that they will be your officers. In accordance to our traditions you as the Dekar are permitted to visit your father tonight in anticipation of tomorrows ceremony. At least, if the snow doesn’t decide to cancel it. That would be all… Dekar.”

    “Thank you for this honor Strato Dranan. I will not disappoint you nor the people of Alingas.” Atticus stands up and does a slight bow for the Strato before leaving the Strato his quarters and making his way back to the gate where he left his friends thinking about his future, about being responsible for leading his men in battle and in peace.

    “Well gentleman, it would seem like I am to be your Dekar. Tomorrow at the ceremony I will be formally named Dekar and you all will become my fellow officers. I have no clue which ranks you will be assigned to so don’t bother asking. At lest we will command nineteen men into battle, the only survivors of our enrollment year. We can do this gentleman, this is what we have trained for, this is what we were born to do.”

    The men briefly clap their hands before making their way back to their camp. Preparing for their last night in the tent camp before they are allowed to move into the fortress barracks. Atticus, instead of joining his men on their last night makes his way past the sentries who have been informed of his right to leave this night. Descending further off hill through to the town itself. Walking on the main road, build by the first Jättar to settle in Alingas a road that has been walked by thousands of Jättar, a road that has been marched upon by thousands of warriors and now the way home for a young soldier for the first time in ten years.

    After a walk of several minutes Atticus arrives in the shadow of the great fortress Vanquish. A castle build generations ago but has fallen into decay.Though despite its decay it’s still a formidable castle. Atticus makes his way to the gate where someone is waiting.

    “Is that really you sir Atticus ? Do my old eyes deceive me ? Could it be really true that all those years have passed and you are here again?”

    “Yes Dekar of the guard Vigill. I have returned to see my father. Tomorrow I will be inaugurated to the army. Tell me Dekar Vigill, Have any high lords visited over the years I have been absent ?”

    “My young sir, it is such a pleasure seeing you all grown up ! No sir, not even one Lord has visited your father in your absence. Quite frankly I cannot recall the last real visitor besides governmental visits. If you are searching your father you will probably find him near the armorer. He was working on some new type of armor.”

    “Thank you Dekar. I hope to see you more often in the coming times.” The Dekar made a small bow before letting Atticus pass who, at long last returns home again.

    Walking through the old gate which has some serious signs of decay, moving towards Victory-Bridge which spawns over the inner moat which is an astonishing 10 meters in width. Patrolling soldiers of the castle guard fall to the knee when they come across the son of their liege. The path continues from the Victory-Bridge to the inner square, from there through the inner defenses works to eventually reach the armorer. The cliche sound of metal on metal can be heard from a far. The armorer indeed is working on a set of armor.

    “Smith Aquilla, after all these years you still work here. I thought you would’ve passed by now. Aren’t you like a hundred years old now ?”

    “Young master Atticus, still the joker aren’t you? I’m 107 now young master someone must be the one that works with the steel and metal. Your father only wants the best and he keeps telling me I’m the best. Can I do something for you young master ?”

    “Well, you could tell me where my father is. I was told he was here.”

    Before the smith could reply a deep and dark voice comes from the back of the smith’s store.

    From the shadows appears a man, long and strong with his sword in his hand “Right on time.”

    “How so father?”

    “Aquilla, is it ready ?” Ravel spoke while putting his sword in his scabbard.

    “Yes my lord” the old smith says with a sense of pride in his words.

    “Is what ready?” Atticus asks in dismay.

    “This young. May I present to you this armor my lord. Please allow me to fit it.”

    “Very well.”

    The smith starts with putting on the shin guards, black steel engraved with lion paws in silver makes an imposing sight, he moves on to leg pieces in the same black steel. The breast plate had the banner of house Ironhand on it. A lion striking with his paw inlay-ed with silver in the middle of the breast, further it had the shape of the abdominal muscles and fits perfect on Atticus his body. Leather flaps hanged from the breast plate. No armor on the arms were present so that there will be much mobility. Finally the helmet is presented, It covers the entire face but is open around the eyes and mouth in a T shape.

    “The armor is a replication of the armors of the First Jättar young master. The steel was won from 4 meteors, which wasn’t easy to find. It is a gift from your father young master, with his permission I made a gift for you as well. “ The old smith walks into the back of his store and searches for something while mumbling.

    “Like it ?”

    “Thank you father, I hope it brings honor to our house.” Atticus spoke with the utmost respect while admiring his armor.

    “Good.”

    “Ah there it is. May I present this sword to you my young master. Forged out of the left overs of the meteoric steel. It’s so strong that I broke several hammers on it. It has the same black color as the armor sir. I fear I cannot change that it’s a unique perk of the steel it seems. May it grant you many victories young master.”

    “Thank you father and thank you master Aquilla, you delivered great work, you truly are the best smith in the realm.” Atticus says while he swings the sword around like if he was a young boy playing with a wooden sword.

    “Well, I already informed Strato Dranan that he gives you the sword and shield during the ceremony tomorrow. Your shield will be a surprise until tomorrow. So hand over the sword, tomorrow you can play with it all you want. Now go and rest. Tomorrow is an important day. “

    “Will you be there father ?” Atticus says while handing over his newly acquired sword.

    “No” Ravel replied rather uninterested before walking off into the darkness that the castle is shrouded in.


    Day 1, Atticus Ironhand, Fortress Alingas.

    The people of Alingas gather inside the town’s Fortress, today is the graduation of those that joined the Agoge 20 years ago. The previous day was met with heavy snow storms so the entire region is covered in a big blanket of snow. The graduates are all standing in formation while the people make their way onto the public stages. The ceremony has been preformed for many years. It was decreed by the first Emperor of the Jättar Lord Dreadnought, when the Jättar lost the major battle of Limes against the Human tribes of the south. It was painfully obvious the Jättar needed a trained fighting force instead of armed farmers. From that moment onward the Agoge was instituted. Since then the Agoge grew out to an essential part of the Jättar traditions.

    “People of Alingas, It has been 474 years since our defeat at the battle of Limes. Today we commemorate those fallen warriors, we remember their defeat because it gives us strength. Strength so we may never again taste the failure of defeat. Today we grant those we deem worthy the chance to become exalted among men. Today we hand our new warriors their chance for glory. Today is their day!” A long and loud applause is heard bouncing back of the fortress walls creating a unique atmosphere.

    From behind the stage several carts are being pushed out of the armory, some with shields and some with swords.

    “Warriors, have a good look at your sword and shield. They will be your best friends for the coming 25 years. Remember failure is not acceptable.” Steadily all new warriors are outfitted with their weapons except for one. “Atticus, join me on the center stage.” The Strato is seen holding a nicely engraved scabbard with Atticus his sword in it,as agreed upon the previous day.

    The soldier steadily breaks rank and makes his way onto the center stage while the audience greets him with cheers. Atticus arrives at the stage and Strato Dranan moves his lips to start speaking when a guard screams so loud it even outclasses the loud cheering.

    “Enemy’s ! Enemy’s on the horizon !” Strato Dranan quickly throws Atticus his scabbard. The new warriors instinctively start aiding the civilians and help them to safety. Atticus and a bunch of other officers follow Strato Dranan onto the fortress wall. All are greeted by a swarm of enemies approaching the town. “Atticus, your graduation will have to wait. Get your men together and proceed to secure the gate until everyone is safely inside.”

    “Understood Strato.”

    Atticus runs back down to the fortress square where he rallies up with his friends and classmates.

    “Soldiers, follow me to the gate! Help the people that are still outside !”

    Alexios, Dvergar, Theodus and the nineteen other graduates start rushing to the gate where they take formation in the front of the gate. Farmers keep on rushing towards the fort while the enemy force keeps advancing. In the distance an elderly couple is running as fast as they can but are being chased by 2 horsemen.

    “Alexios, you help the people here, I need to help those citizens in the distance!” Before anyone can react Atticus is running toward the elderly couple. As he runs towards them he shouts “Duck down!” at the moment they comply to Atticus he throws a dagger into the face of one of the horseman, Instantly killed he falls off, in doing so he crashes into his companion. Atticus quickly helps up the elderly couple and helps them back on their way. Atticus draws his sword and waits until the other horseman recovers from his fall.

    The horseman gets up and instantly starts running towards Atticus, the horseman reaches back with his sword to strike at full power… Atticus parries the attack, knocks his attacker in the face throwing him backwards. Blood is dripping off the assailants face onto the snow, coloring it blood red. At the same time he is screaming it out of pain, having probably broken his nose. Atticus calmly walks towards the horseman and puts his sword at his throat.

    “Who are you! Which tribe sent you here !”

    No response is uttered, upon which Atticus thrusts his sword into the horseman his throat. Instantly killing him. Observing the area Attius concludes the area is clear of people and he starts running back towards the gate.

    “Alexios, close the gate! Everyone is in. I doubt this battered gate will hold them out sir.”

    “They won’t. Let the strongest men push their shields against the gate to buy some time. For the rest of you, shield wall!” A loud scream as conformation and the thundering sound of all those shields interlocking even makes the loud cheers of the enemy go away.

    “Atticus I see you are still alive.”

    “Yes Strato Dranan. I tried to capture one but he wouldn’t talk so I killed him.”

    “Good riddance. Including your force of 21 we have an other 70 soldiers of the garrison and 170 students. I want you to take command on this battle. The town already has been burned down. From here it’s impossible to see the situation at Castle Vanquish so don’t expect a relief force… Even if they come you know the state of our “army”.” Drana said rather skeptical.

    “Thank you for this honor Strato!” Atticus draws his sword and prepares for the enemy who just started pounding on the gate.

    Day 2, Ravel Ironhand, outskirts of Alingas.

    “Warriors, over this hill lays our home! Our Alingas! The place where we all grew up, where we fought our first battles for, where we became true men ! Now the place where we grew up is under attack. These attackers are trying to destroy us, trying to claim these lands we call our home. Fight for our right to survive, this is our home not theirs! Today we will be victorious, today will be your day! Today we will bathe in the blood of our enemies. We are Jättar! We are the pinnacle of the warrior society! Warriors… Attack!” The powerful voice of Ravel inspires five hundred men to charge over and down the hill into a swarm of enemy soldiers.

    The enemy thinking all the forces would be present at fortress Alingas, were taken by complete surprise. Jättar soldiers plunge into the enemy lines breaking enemy shields like twigs. Jättar Great-swords are being charged into enemy bodies ripping them open like it’s nothing.

    Ravel as a true leader is in the middle of the fight. Dodging an incoming sword and replying with a quick thrust through the attackers chest. “Push on!” He roars. The Jättar as told, push on. In the wake of their advance is only death. With their superb stamina and power the Jättar keep on pushing. Crushing shields with their heavy blows and killing anyone in their sight. Only dead and mutilated bodies remain, bathing in a river of blood.

    “Jättar hold!” A firm shout of the Jättar forces quickly sounds followed by the sound of shield interlocking for a shield wall. Frightened enemy soldiers are in full retreat while their general on his white stallion, is killing his own soldiers trying to stop the rout.

    “Human your fight is over.”

    “Never! You filthy barbarian!” The general kicks his horse and charges over a distance of some twenty meters. Ravel as his son earlier, doesn’t hesitate and draws his sword. “Idiot” he mumbles before throwing his sword into the stallion. The General falls off and comes to a stop at Ravels feet. “Pathetic humans. Tell me who you are.”

    Mumbling under the extreme pain the general says “Your worst nightmare.” Ravel grabs the general by his throat and lifts him from the ground. The general, a very short man looks like a mere child compared to Ravel. Now in even more pain the general tries to scream but can’t.

    “You humans think you’re everything, while you clearly cannot see that not humans but Jättar are the only true warrior race. We are bred for war, designed for it. You have lost this battle and you will lose this war. I will find your village, I will burn your village, I will personally kill your family, and while your people suffer and ask them selfs ‘Why?’ your name will be uttered. You will be held responsible for the coming genocide.” With those words Ravel snaps the generals neck. Thinking saying to himself “Puny humans.”

    “Droun Vigill, I suppose you appreciated the change of setting. How many soldiers died?”

    “Sure did Sir! I thank you for this opportunity. 55 killed during the battle with thirty-three severely injured. A further twenty-two received injuries but were able to continue fighting. Of the four severely injured warriors are in critical state.”

    “Arrange their burnings with full honors. You are in command. Wrap it up here, remember no prisoners. I’ll see if there is anyone in that burning heap they call a fortress.”

    “Aye sir!”

    Bodies litter the field… hundreds of corpses are being feasted upon by crows and other scavengers. The fields are drenched with blood. Painful screams for help are being answered by swords. Fortress Alingas is reduced to a pile of bricks. The walls surrounding the gate and those on the west side have all been reduced to rubble. Catapults had been a very effective force in this battle. Ravel walks towards the smoking remains of what once was a gate but still hears the sound of swords colliding. The enemy soldiers inside had not been aware of their commanders death and still are trying to take the fortress. As Ravel comes onto the courtyard he sees piles of dead bodies, Jättar and enemy alike but also multiple severely wounded warriors. On what remains of the center stage a sword fight is going on with three enemy soldiers.

    One Jättar is fighting them, drenched in the blood of his enemies. His skin and armor are blood red, there are remains on his back of something that one day was a cape. It is Atticus who is the Jättar fighter. Unrecognizable because of his blood red color. Ravel, having gone unnoticed thrusts his sword through one of the enemy soldiers, splattering blood all over Atticus his face, who quickly stabs the enemy on his left with a secondary sword laying on the ground and quickly finishing of the remaining soldier. All while his father puts his sword back into his scabbard as if there was no threat at all.

    “I didn’t need your help. I was doing fine old man.Do you not see I am the only one standing. I killed the most of anyone here!” Atticus said irritated.

    “You should have killed more. Tend to your wounded. You’ll need them. Prepare your dead for burning.”

    “Who are these people?”

    “They are the Bakufu, an ancient warrior clan, but these people aren’t their elite soldiers. They’ll be here soon.” Ravel replies while making his way back to his own soldiers. “Meet me at Castle Vanquish. Bring everyone that can walk.”

    “What about the children from the Agoge?”

    “Leave them.” Ravel shouts while passing the gates.

    “Lord Ravel, all enemy soldiers in the immediate enemy forces have been killed. The wounded are cared for and our dead have been been prepared for burning.”

    “Excellent. Let the wounded guard the dead. Prepare the men to move. We’re going to castle Vanquish. Good work Vigill.”

    “Aye sir!”





    Army Systematics
    Army Ranks,

    Ema or Ema’s, term for an entire army(’s), Led by a Strate(General), Domesti(Supreme Commander) or Emperor. 10.000 men. Rank Insignia: V, X for a Supreme Commander or an X topped with a crown.

    Mere, Smaller elements of the army, 4 Mere’s make an Army. Commanded by a Tourma(Lieutenant-Colonel). 2500 men. Rank Insignia: IV

    Droun, 5 droun make up a Mere, Commanded by a Droungar (Captain). 500 men. Rank Insignia: III

    Kentar, 2 Kentar make up a Droun. Commanded by a Kentarian (Lieutenant) 250 men. Rank Insignia: II

    Kontau, 10 Kontau make up a Kentar, Commander by a Dekar (Sergeant) 25 men. Rank Insignia: I

    Administrative Ranks:

    Strato, Camp Commander. Rank Insignia: S-V

    Stratok, Governor. Rank Insignia: SK-X

    Ethnarch, Commander of the elite forces/honorary title. Rank Insignia: E-X

    Kheiro, Surgeon. Rank Insignia: A red cross.

    Kyrios, Instructors employed for training the recruits. Rank Insignia: K

    Rank Insignia:

    They are painted in white on the breast plate, more specific on the left chest area. Ema Commanders have capes fitted with large rank Insignia’s. The Emperor has a Gold painted Crown under his insignia.
    Last edited by General Brewster; March 20, 2016 at 08:14 PM. Reason: updated.

  18. #18
    Alwyn's Avatar Frothy Goodness
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    Default Re: Jättar

    That is a dramatic graduation for Atticus! I noticed that you used the present (not past) tense when describing the graduation, perhaps to increase the sense of urgency and danger. I wonder if Castle Vanquish will hold against the elite Bakufu warriors, if they attack the castle.

  19. #19
    Shankbot de Bodemloze's Avatar From the Writers Study!
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    Default Re: Jättar

    Lucky that Ravel decided to stay home for his son's graduation, but does it also mean a strained relationship perhaps?

    Interesting style of writing in the present, but quite enjoyable to read. Good job, I'm looking forward to more.
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    General Brewster's Avatar The Flying Dutchman
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    Default Re: Jättar

    Quote Originally Posted by Alwyn View Post
    That is a dramatic graduation for Atticus! I noticed that you used the present (not past) tense when describing the graduation, perhaps to increase the sense of urgency and danger. I wonder if Castle Vanquish will hold against the elite Bakufu warriors, if they attack the castle.
    It seems so that I struggle a bit with the grammer. The Idea was to be in present from now on so I guess it's going ok ? Haha .

    Quote Originally Posted by Shankbot de Bodemloze View Post
    Lucky that Ravel decided to stay home for his son's graduation, but does it also mean a strained relationship perhaps?

    Interesting style of writing in the present, but quite enjoyable to read. Good job, I'm looking forward to more.
    Who says he's at home ? You're right though. They do have a strained relationship. Ravel might be a lord but it doesnt mean he saw his son during his training years. Hell I'm pretty sure if I didn't see my son for that long I would struggle to have a proper relationship with him. Considering that he also lost his love, then found stability in his son and then had to hand him over also takes a mental toll. They might be badass warriors but they aren't completely emotionless.

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