*The French shore is near. The boys are all on deck, staring in awe at the landscape. Sand, that is. They were staring at the sand.*
Edmund: I heard there were Nude beaches in France. Think this is one of them?
John: I sure as hell hope so. I heard the girls in France are Grade-A.
German: My mum says that English girls are best. Nice and classy lot they are.
Edmund: What kind of soldier wants a girl with class?
German: One who respects his mum, sir.
John: Well....I respect my mum, and I want some me some French women.
German: Well, I'd look out for sluts, sir.
Edmund: Uh, yeah, I'll be looking out for the sluts alright.
German: Good to hear, sir.
Edmund *quietly*: Moron...
*From nowhere, Nelson appears. He has his full combat uniform on, and clearly is ready for a fight.*
Todd: The hell are you doing Nelson?
Nelson: LET'S DO THIS. HOOAY.
Edmund: Oh dammit..
Veronica: Nelson, do what?
Nelson: I'm gonna take France back from these damn Nazis!
Veronica: What, just because it's "The French Lady" it needs saving?
Nelson: I'll save French Ladies or French men. It don't matter to me.
Veronica: You are truly hopeless.
Nelson: Maybe. But I'll die the death of a true patriot if I do fail.
Todd: Listen, Nelson, you don't need to take France back yet.
Edmund: YET?!
Nelson: Damn that! I will be a hero! I will liberate France whether you're manly enough to help or not!
Todd: No, Nelson, see, that's not the problem...
Nelson: LET'S DO THIS!
*Nelson leaps off the boat, the coast still a few miles away. Everyone gasps in horror, but nobody goes after*
John: And this year's Darwin Award goes to...
Veronica: Oh...Maybe we should have stopped him.
Todd: Nah, he'd have just caused us trouble.
*The ship gets close to shore, and several people appear to be on the beach.*
John: Edmund, your nude beach wish may come true.
Edmund: This was supposed to be a secure site...
Veronica: Oh God, someone's shooting!
German: Mommy what do I do?!
Jerry: Well this war's going better than planned.
Todd: Oh my God...
Edmund: What? What is it Todd?
Todd: It's Nelson...
*Nelson can be clearly seeing cursing, shooting at the top of an unoccupied cliff, and picking up and randomly dropping several scantily clad French bathers.*
Nelson: I'll save you girls!
French Girl: Are these the British that are supposed to save us?
Nelson: Yes Ma'am!
French Girl: Heh.
Nelson: You damn Jerry bastards! I'll get you! *continues shooting at the wall*
Edmund: Can we get someone to stop him?
Todd: Not easily, sir.
Edmund: Oh dammit...
*The ship gets closer, and eventually they beach. They see Nelson, soaking wet, surrounded by the French Girls*
Edmund: Nelson, what the hell are you doing?
French Girl: Shhh. He's telling us how he punched a shark in the face on the way over here.
Nelson: Yeah, I haven't even got to the part where the two Tiger Tanks start shooting at me and I have to steal one to blow the other up.
French Girl: You're so brave...
Veronica: What a disgrace...
Edmund: Nelson, what the hell-
John *whispering to Edmund*: Sir, he has the French girls right where we want them...*
Edmund:...are you waiting for? Continue your story!
Nelson: So, then Mecha-Hitler came out and tried to shoot me...
Todd: Oh God...This is horrific. The author's resorted to videogame references!
Edmund: What's a video-do-hickie?
French Girl: Who cares? Nelson, tell us more about the African Safari...
Nelson: It's a dangerous place, I tell ya. Let me go tell you somewhere more private? Maybe I can even show you how some of those, uh, wild beasts act around their females...
French Girl: Sounds like fun....
*Nelson and the French Girls walk off*
John: Damn. Now what, Edmund?
Edmund: Uh, we go...um...We go to attack some German city.
John: What German city?
Edmund: Uh...the...the nearby one...
John: Oh what the hell.
Todd: Reims.
Edmund: What?
Todd: We must attack Reims.
Edmund: Yeah, that's what I said, Reims! Open your ears next time!
Todd: *Sigh*
*Later, Veronica and German are walking together on the beach*
Veronica: So, you lived with your mum?
German: Oh, yes miss. She's a wonderful woman, I tell ya.
Veronica: It's nice when boys like their mums.
German: Well, yeah, I don't see how anyone couldn't.
Veronica: I feel the same way.
German: Good to hear. I think the others don't like their mums too much...
Veronica: No, German. No they don't. Do you miss your mum?
German: Oh yes, miss. Yes I do.
Veronica: Well, don't you worry. You'll see her again soon.
German: Are...Are you my father?
Veronica: What?
German: My mum says my Daddy went off someplace far, far away, a better place. Did she mean Belgium?
Veronica: Uh, yeah. But not me. Your Daddy, he's a good church-going man. He has a happy life.
German: Oh, well, good to hear. So you're not my dad?
Veronica: Uh, no.
German: Oh, well, alright then. You're sure?
Veronica: Positive.
German 100%?
Veronica: 110%.
German: Okay. That's too bad. You'd make a good dad.
Veronica: Um....
*In a dimly lit room, the French Girls surround Nelson. He's doing his "Lion impersonation". He is making animal noises, telling them to go get food, stealing their food, and at random points roaring.*
Nelson: So, wanna see my Hippopotamus impression next?