Welcome to the thread where you - yes, you! - get to assign to various countries both present and historical a pithy phrase or title that succinctly sums up their existence, history, prevailing attitude, mythos, relations with neighboring countries, etc. Since I'm initiating the thread I'll be the first to take a stab at this, and provide a model for everyone else. You don't have to copy my approach, but I'll portray the various countries below as members of a small town or community that represents the entire globe.
It's okay to poke, prod, and make fun of countries, but do so in a respectful manner and in a way that does not violate TWC's TOS.
Modern nations:
* United States of America: the Chief of Police; also, the Indian Giver
* United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland: father of the Chief of Police; also the town's former Chief of Police; he used to own a lot of property in town that he had to sell off
* Canada: mounty police patrolman, proud moose owner
* People's Republic of China: the shoe factory owner
** Republic of China (Taiwan): the factory owner's little brother
* Russian Federation: the local animal trapper; also, the drunken uncle
** Ukraine: the animal trapper's rebellious college-age son
* India: the town's principal convenience store owner (with deals on tea and spices)
* Pakistan: the rival convenience store owner down the road
* Brazil: the exotic dance instructor from out of town
* Mexico: the janitor, but also part-time mariachi guitarist
* Japan: owner of the local tech store
* South Korea: owner of the rival tech store down the road
* North Korea: the rival tech store owner's little brother locked away in the local asylum
* Germany: owner of the local car dealership
* France: naturally, the sleek downtown cafe owner
* Spain: owner of the local Tapas restaurant
* Italy: owner of the Italian restaurant next-door
* Greece: owner of the local sports team and stadium; recently filed for bankruptcy, though
* Turkey: owner of a series of doner kebab venders
* Sweden: totally hot blonde gymnastics teacher who moved in next-door to you
* Norway: Her older sister, owner of a dockyard
* Belgium: the trilingual English, French, Flemish language instructor at the local college where the animal trapper's son goes
* Netherlands: the district attorney, successful prosecutor (International Criminal Court joke there)
* Saudi Arabia: the Exxon gas station owner
* Venezuela: the BP gas station owner across the street
* Iran: the rug and carpet store owner
* Egypt: the ethnically-Arab Expedia travel agent
* Israel: naturally, the local rabbi
* The Vatican: naturally, the local Catholic priest
* Poland: the cleaning lady who once had a love triangle with the car dealer and animal trapper; got ugly, turned violent
* Cuba: the local socialist newsletter editor; works part time with the exotic dance instructor
* Switzerland: naturally, owner of the local community bank
* Denmark: owns several boats for the local fishing industry
* Jamaica: Medical marijuana doctor and clinician; also, part-time Reggae bass guitarist
* Nigeria: the town's best soccer (football) player; plays for the local team
* Thailand: owner of the local circus with elephants
If your country did not make the list, fear not! You can add it all by yourself and others too. Now for some historical countries who once lived in the town:
Historical countries, kingdoms, empires, etc.
* Ancient Egypt: founded the town in 1805, set up shop as a local baker and beer distributor
* Ancient Mesopotamia (Sumer, Akkadia, Babylonia, Assyria, etc.): moved into town around the exact same time, became the town's first lawyer in 1807
* Ancient China (Shang, Zhou, Warring States, Qin, Han dynasties): set up shop as the town's first silk embroiderer selling homemade goods
* Ancient India: (Harappa, Maurya, Gupta, etc.): the town's first movie theater owner (although they showed mostly cheesy dance movies at first)
* Ancient Persia: jewelry store owner who was wealthy enough to pave the town's first roads, with tolls of course
* Ancient Athens (and rest of Greece): the town's first theatre owner and playwright, got himself embroiled in a couple legal feuds with the jewel merchant over the border of their properties
* Alexander's Macedonian Empire: first official mayor for the municipality
* Seleucid Empire: the jewelry store's owner who inherited the store
* Roman Republic: the town's first Chief of Police
* Roman Empire: son of the first Chief of Police; he eventually became the second mayor of the town
* Parthian Empire: town's first candlemaker (fire temples, hehe ); also next-door neighbor to the second mayor who often got into heated disputes with him over the right to paint the fence (Armenia) between their properties
* Sassanid Empire: the candlemaker's son; he inherited the business after the suspicious death of his father
* Ancient Olmecs of Mesoamerica: the rock quarry site owner across the river
* Holy Roman Empire: local publisher/printmaker + estranged younger brother of the town's first Catholic priest
* Republic of Venice: established the town's first lakeside marina for boating
* Republic of Genoa: established the town's first water park
* Byzantine Empire: son of the second mayor of the town; unfortunately born with dwarfism, he became the town's first Orthodox Church priest
* Tang Dynasty China: the silk embroiderer's son, the town's first Buddhist monk
* Mongol Empire: the aggressive equestrian businessman from out of town who bought up most of the town's properties for a period of time
* Kwarezmian Empire: a distant relative of the candlemaker's mentioned above; his business was driven out of town by the aggressive businessman
* Kievan Rus: the Orthodox priest's little brother, owner of beehives for making and selling honey, driven out of town by the aggressive businessman
* Song Dynasty China: local printmaker rivalling the one mentioned above, driven out of town by the aggressive businessman
* Ming Dynasty China: the latter's son who returned to town to reclaim his dad's property in a legal battle
* Qing Dynasty China: an old rival of the latter's father, who swallowed up the print business but lost it all after becoming addicted to drugs (opium) pushed onto it by none other than the town's Chief of Police at the time (the UK)
* Rashidun Caliphate: the town's first Muslim cleric, runs the local mosque
* Kingdom of France: the town's first winery owner and winemaker
* Kingdom of England: local craftsmen, sells round tables mostly
* Kingdom of Scotland: seller of plaid flannels at discount prices
* Ottoman Empire: the town's first gun store owner
* Mughal India: opened the town's first Indian restaurant, the first building in town to sport white marble
* Safavid Persia: the first rug and carpet merchant in town
* Kingdom of Sicily: town's first mafia don with a front business, a godfather to many children in the town
* The Aztecs: the town's first heart transplant surgeon
* Kingdom of Siam: established the circus in town; first elephant owner in town
I'm fairly exhausted from having to think up things for this. Now it's your turn!