The Broken King (Poem)

[Anduril248]

The Broken King

The Frozen Depths of Winter Marr…
The Ancient Kingdom of Man
And the Marble Throne of the King Shatters
Harken, Harken the End is nigh…

The Broken King Watches Helplessly
As the Kingdom Break and Brother turns on Brother
The Eerie silence of blood seeps through the Kingdom
Harken, Harken the Shadows Remain…

The Broken King Finds Solitude
He quietly turns a blind eye to his people
Chaos ravages his mind and his people
Harken, Harken the King Despairs…

The Broken King Steps Free
He aimlessly wanders the countryside
Secret whispers bring hope to the kingdom
A pale night still remains
Harken, Harken The King Fades

The Broken King awakes from his slumber
He attempts to re-forge himself in a new path
Still he keeps his efforts in secret from his people
The Kingdom still wallows in despair
Harken, Harken The King Slumbers…

The Broken King in his wanderings
Stumbles upon this Rose-thorned queen
Ensnared by her silent beauty and her hidden darkness
The Broken King is intrigued by her
Harken, Harken the King Slumbers…

The Broken King Stirs
He meekly seeks the rose-thorned queen’s heart
The Rose-Thorned Queen turns solemnly towards the Broken King
At a single glance, turns away in complete silence
Harken, Harken the King Awakes



The Broken King Becomes lost in thought
A mere fortnight passes the Broken King does not shift
Once again he approaches the Rose-Thorned Queen
With more fluid words and passion he writes again
Once more the Rose-Thorned Queen turns towards the Broken King
Again she glances and turns away in silence
Harken, Harken the King Stands

The Broken King is left puzzled
At the Rose-Thorned Queen’s unbreakable Silence
Yet the King place is his hand to paper again
And the words flow easily
A single question still remains it’s answer
Bound in silence
Harken, Harken the King is restored….
Harken, Harked the King Falls into shadow….

-anduril248

[Rex Anglorvm]

A nice sense of desolation about this piece; and a middle earth feel too.

Rep+

[Anduril248]

Thanks for the Kind Words ReX!

[Mank]

Oooh, wonderful poem Anduril!

As Rex mentioned, you do a very good job at creating a unique atmosphere. I also thought the "rose-thorned" was a particularly nice touch for the Queen, great imagery there.

The only thing I found myself noticing as I progressed through the poem was a lengthening of the stanzas at the end. Re-reading the poem for the second time, I noticed that the first few stanza's seemed a bit "tighter." Just an observation for the purpose of feedback.

Bravo, and thanks for sharing it Anduril!

[Valden]

Excellent poem! I agree with the above comment that the first stanzas are more tighter than later ones. I would comment that the piece is let down by odd lines that seem clunky, such as "he aimlessly wanders the countryside". this would be more befitting a narrative work than an aesthetic expression such as this. If you focus more on juxtaposing images (which to be fair you do very well where you do do it) rather than "telling a story", you'll find the story fits into place all on its own... Also "the kingdom of MAN"!? We are all feminists now you know

+ rep because I love your imagination, and your issues are merely technical.

[Anduril248]

I see what you mean thank you all for the critique and comments