The Smog Chinese: a new breed of human.

[Garbarsardar]

China's national media organisation, CCTV (no pun intended) published a list of five benefits that the smog, the toxic vapor clouding China's cities, has brought to the nation:

• it unified people in a common complaint
• brought equality as all suffer, rich and poor (ha, take that communism)
• enlightened people as to the perils of rapid growth
• created humour, since everyone not dying of respiratory illness is cracking jokes about the smog
• it helped educate people in chemistry, history and geography

CCTV added a sixth benefit, that the smog could scramble the guidance system of incoming enemy ballistic contraptions.

I find this optimism exhilarating. I am certain that Chinese people who survive the smog and the radiation from the stray ballistic missiles are on a certain path to prosperity and social harmony.

http://www.theguardian.com/world/201...ings-smog-haze
http://view.news.qq.com/a/20131209/012073.htm

I should be adding a poll, about how do you prefer Chinese people to die, by smog, laughter or ballistic things, but I could not bother. Sorry.

[Stavroforos]

Did they make that list in seriousness or was it like, sarcastic? Do they have sarcasm in China? I don't know.

[DaniCatBurger]

"Created humour" provides an interesting point and certainly a challenge to explain to non-Mandarin speakers.

[Condottiere 40K]

It's only funny until someone gets arrested and sent to a re-education camp.

[The Bold Burgundian]

Plus it gives me something to look at on my way to the Temple of Mao.

[DaniCatBurger]

In case of Beijing fine dust by heatings, traffic and dust from desertification come together. To push back desertification might be the biggest challenge because it requires to transfer water from one place in a semi-arid enviroment into an other. Less dust could possibly mean less food.

[Roma_Victrix]

CCTV, China's real Onion News network.

[Markas]

Ye Olde Christian Chronicle, England's premiere medieval news outlet, published a list of five benefits that the Black Death, the mysterious toxic miasma clouding England's cities, has brought to the nation:

• it unified people in a common complaint
• brought equality as all suffer, rich and poor (ha, take that communism)
• enlightened people as to the perils of rapid growth
• created humour, since everyone not dying of respiratory illness is cracking jokes about the Black Death
• it helped educate people in chemistry, history and geography

Ye Olde Christian Chronicle added a sixth benefit, that the Black Death could scramble the guidance system of incoming enemy ballistic contraptions, i.e bolts and arrows, as it creates considerably fewer live targets.

[Col. Tartleton]

毁健康，遮蓝天，瘫交通……雾霾这两年成了全民公敌，人人恨不得“食其肉，寝其皮”，逐之于国门之外。然而，能击溃这个顽敌的似乎不是大内高手，也不是江湖游侠，而只有来自塞外的风。“风，是北京的抹布。西伯利亚，是北京的清洁工。让西伯利亚的西北风快些到来吧!”@老徐时评 在微博上的哀叹既在相当程度上反映了不堪的现实，也说出了民众的无奈与自嘲。

How do you guys read all those random symbols? I'm having trouble just looking at them.

[DaniCatBurger]

a poetic text

[Roma_Victrix]

Ye Olde Christian Chronicle, England's premiere medieval news outlet, published a list of five benefits that the Black Death, the mysterious toxic miasma clouding England's cities, has brought to the nation:

• it unified people in a common complaint
• brought equality as all suffer, rich and poor (ha, take that communism)
• enlightened people as to the perils of rapid growth
• created humour, since everyone not dying of respiratory illness is cracking jokes about the Black Death
• it helped educate people in chemistry, history and geography

Ye Olde Christian Chronicle added a sixth benefit, that the Black Death could scramble the guidance system of incoming enemy ballistic contraptions, i.e bolts and arrows, as it creates considerably fewer live targets.

This post has so much win, that it's dripping with it on all sides. That's +1 rep. I suppose you could also make an Imperial-era 14th or 15th century Chinese gazetteer along similar lines.

How do you guys read all those random symbols? I'm having trouble just looking at them.

The Chinese written script is such a pain; every word in that language has its own logographic symbol! Mao should have seriously considered the push to alphabetize the Chinese language, despite all the tricky issues with it. For instance, take the spoken word "hàn" in standard Mandarin that in speech could literally have this many meanings that only context of the rest of the sentence could clear up (or a written character to show which "hàn" it is):

http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/h%C3%A0n

That one sound in Mandarin Chinese has 69 (and perhaps even more) meanings, from "Han" the ethnicity to "perspiration; sweat." Imagine befuddling someone who walks in halfway through your sentence and confuses the two.

[Caduet]

Confucius said every cloud has a silver lining. Or maybe it was in the little red book.

[Rijul.J.Ballal]

See this is why i have been trying to get my parents to access cctv all year.

CCTV (no pun intended)

So much win.

[Prince of Darkness]

I'm from Taiwan and I assure to all of you that the original article is written in a sarcastic tone instead of genuine seriousness.

[Vítor Gaspar]

I'm from Taiwan and I assure to all of you that the original article is written in a sarcastic tone instead of genuine seriousness.

Obviously.

You, there's this thing we Westerners like to do, and we're not alone honestly, you guys do that all the time as well:

When we don't speak the same language, and we lose some of the obvious hints in the text, we tend to think of people as from another species. Obviously such a text could never be written seriously. If anything, it shows some things are changing in China. And I'm glad.

[John ''True Grit'' Wayne]

They banned coal burning in Dublin years ago as the smog i winter was harmful but these Chinese embrace the smog like immortal warriors.Kudos boys and girls.

[flyingcat]

I've never experienced such intolerable weather in the past..

When I waked up one day at 9:00 a.m,I found myself in heaven,surrounding by mysterious clouds.(11th floor)
What I could do was to stay inroom all day,purify my soul and confess my sins.
China was united,and that's why China set up its ADIZ.
Yet some of you westerners still want to drive warplanes into heaven-like China,how could we concede such prerogatives?
We're unique.

[Roma_Victrix]

Behold, the new breed of Chinese superhumans produced by the healthy living lifestyle of the smog.