Actually, it’s not Total War, because…

[Vlad Dracul]

If it’s Total War, how come you have 3 options when conquering a settlement? It should be only exterminate, it’s not Total Occupy.

If it’s Total War, how come you have 3 options when you take prisoners? It should be only execute, it’s not Total Release.

If it’s Total War, how come there are 2 traits for a general? It should be only dread, it’s not Total Chivalry.

If it’s Total War, how come you can even make alliances? It should be only enemies, it’s not Total Coalition.

If it’s Total War, how come you can retreat from battles? It should be only stay and fight, it’s not Total Withdraw.

If it’s Total War, how come you can cease fire? It should be only war, it’s not Total Peace.

If it’s Total War, how come there is an “Accept or we’ll attack” option? It should be only “Even if you accept, we’ll still attack”, it’s not Total Blackmail.

If it’s Total War, how come you can make spies? There should be only assassins, it’s not Total Espionage.

If it’s Total War, how come you can become client kingdom? You should fight to the death, it’s not Total Vassalage.

If it’s Total War, how come you can create merchants? You should create only military, it’s not Total Trade.

If it’s Total War, how come capitans can become generals? They should remain as they are, it’s not Total Promotion.

If it’s Total War, how come you can be Immaculate? You should be only Despicable, it’s not Total Reputation.

If it’s Total War, how come priests and imams can peacefully stand next to each other? They should pluck their beards and burn one another’s holy books, it’s not Total Faith.

If it’s Total War, how come the princesses are not cat-fighting? They should pull each others hair, it’s not Total Marriage.

If it’s Total War, how come the diplomats bow when they meet? They should lit one another on fire using their pergaments, it’s not Total Diplomacy.

And finally if it’s Total War, how come you’re reading this forum? You should be on the battlefield, crushing your opponents skulls, it’s not Total Time-out!




P.S.: For those who find this topic weird/stupid/offensive/sexist/racist/elitist/atheist/useless/butthurting:
Relax, it’s only transylvanian humour.

[Kirila the Kitten]

Hehe, here's some rep, dude from a fellow Romanian...

[Kaiser Nonsense]

It's not Vlad Dracul, it's Total Nonsense.

I won't be arsed to point which aspects of that codswallop don't make any sense.

[Rijul.J.Ballal]

Funny!

[Harvester of Sorrow]

He he. You know what Total war means right?

[The Useless Member]

Great thread.

[Earl of_Duke]

Your global reputation should not go down when you're at war-- if anything, it ought to go up, especially if you're kicking arse! Instead, you should be penalized for being at peace for too long.

[hagagaga]

Your global reputation should not go down when you're at war-- if anything, it ought to go up, especially if you're kicking arse! Instead, you should be penalized for being at peace for too long.

Somebody should make a mod for that. I wish I was a good modder. I've tried custom factions in other games, but it failed miserably.

[Steward Denethor II]

Good Questions. Unfortunately I cant answer them. Have a rep for this humorous thread.

[Vlad Dracul]

He he. You know what Total war means right?

Von Clausewitz' or Goebbels' definition?



For those who liked this, thanks for the appreciation, guys.

[Venomousmonkey]

Haha, this is so great. I've had some of these thoughts before, but some are down right funny and brilliant acts of parody upon the game's namesake compared to in-game.
Bravo

[ggggtotalwarrior]

+Rep.

'Nuff said.

[YorkshireGamer]

I think you should play as barbarians.