The dyslexic proverbs game - let's have some fun!

[Roma_Victrix]

Not to disparage the real people who actually suffer from dyslexia, which is a serious disorder that is no laughing matter, but I thought it would be fun to start a thread where anyone can posit their own altered, modified, corrupted, or otherwise bastardized versions of common or popular sayings, phrases, proverbs, etc. for our warped amusement.

Clever suggestions will most certainly gain for you a +1 rep. I'll be happy to hand those out. However, incoherent chaotic rambling for the sake of incoherent chaotic rambling is also welcome.

For example: A doctor a day will keep the apples away.

A women's place is on my lap.

All things come to those who hate.

Behind every great man there is a gay one.

Beware of Greeks bearing bears.

Etc., etc., etc.

You can make these as crazy as you want, but only the really clever ones will be given rep!

[Gatsby]

Seize the pay.

[Sir Adrian]

A bird in the hand is worth glue on the bush.

[Condottiere 40K]

I saw, I conquered, I came.

[Lord Thesaurian]

Abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers.

Don't throw the bath water out with the baby

Never put off today what you can do tomorrow

Iffy language, but hey, points for originality and guts eh?

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

too many cocks spoils the brothel

[Condottiere 40K]

Anonymouse - the Furred Furry Fury, defender of internet freedom and hacktivists.

[Lord Oda Nobunaga]

Two prongs don't make it right.

The penis; mightier than the sword.

No man is the Isle of Man.

Fortune favours the bald.

Never look a gifted whore in the mouth.

[Bo1Bo1Sha3]

Q. Why do dreams never come true?
A. Too much to drink on drunken night is saltier than seventy saltine sacks.

OK seriously:

Stupid is as stupid as stupid as stupid is as stupid does.

Hate your neighbors and love your enemies; and pray for those who persecute you.

[Rex Germanius]

A stool that is runny is soon farted.

(I typed this out whilst in the midst of a chunk of half-melted chocolate. Joke's on me. And my computer screen.)

[Acco]

This thread has potential.

Beware of Greek-bearing lifts.

[Lord Oda Nobunaga]

When I read that I swear it said "Beware of Greek-loving bears".

[Roma_Victrix]

Excellent work, gentlemen! I'm loving the twisted maxims thus far. Feel free to step up the craziness and depravity if you're into that sort of thing.

http://www.quotationspage.com/quotes/Confucius/

Here are some sayings by Confucius, or Kong Fuzi, the philosopher of paramount importance to the Chinese. Too soon to defame him? Let's give it a try! Confucius says:

Forget kindnesses, never forget injuries.

The superior man seeks the small man in himself.

When anger arises, think of revenge.

When we see men of contrary character, we should look outward and never examine ourselves. Don't argue with me on that.

He who speaks without modesty speaks awesomely.

[Bo1Bo1Sha3]

The old man the boat, down the tree and the man ran shops never opened.

Garden-paths sentences!

[Roma_Victrix]

To poke a little fun at the Bible:

Depart from good and do evil.

Or how about: two wrongs make it so right. Ooh, yeah...

[Condottiere 40K]

[Roma_Victrix]

Nice one, Condottiere, albeit a wee bit racist.

Here's one: all your us are belong to base.

[Ferdiad]

Channelling Xbox live isn't good for your health.

[Roma_Victrix]

Late to bed, late to rise, makes a man strong, healthy, and into guys.

I don't know what it is about gay homo humor, but the immature 13-year-old 8th-grader in me simply can't get enough. Sorry, homosexual people, for the wisecracks at your expense. Heard they got the right to marriage in France recently. Cheers to that, I suppose.

[LaMuerte]

From Shakespeare : 'To be or not to be , that is a question'

From Descartes : 'I think I am'

From Caesar 'The cast is dyed'

[Lord Oda Nobunaga]

Caesar: I came, I saw, I conquered

Charles V: We came, We saw, God conquered

Jan Sobieski: We came, We saw, God won us the victory

This isn't really a dyslexic proverb but couldn't Jan Sobieski come up with anything new? Instead of plagiarizing from someone who already copied something.