lacking direction and motivation

[wupwup]

I feel like I dont have a goal im working towards at the moment, nothing that really interests me and that I want to succeed in. kinda related to my other thread, my goal this last year has been to have a boxing match, but now im not sure thats something I want to do. I guess I really want to find something that is a ling term goal I can work towards in life, because when I leave uni I have no idea what im going to do. The only job that I really want is to be a fireman, and im even having second thoughts about that.


EDIT: just some ramblings in my head before I go to sleep so I can look at this in the morning.
I spend too long playing computer games, tomorrow I am not going to play any.

I dont interact enough with the world around me. I spend too much time inside on my own

I get on well with most people, but dont form really close bonds with them often and I dont go out and interact enough. My main social interactions are at uni / sports clubs. then again, maybe this is normal. Where else do you meet people? I do have some great friends at taekwondo.

I dont do much in a day. Im a student so I have loads of free time.

I really like having a project to work towards, but finding a good project is hard.

Long distance relationships are hard

I feel like once I have something achievable to work towards in life I will acheive it. Its just finding something that motivates me enough.

My OCD possibly gets in the way of things. My fear of viruses doesnt usually impact on me, but it has made me want to give up wrestling, which I really enjoyed. It doesnt always intrude into my every day life, but occasionally it does.

I am too unmotivated to do anything.

I dont like cities

I like being able to be creative and problem solve. I ought to find a productive way to do this.

[elfdude]

I feel like I dont have a goal im working towards at the moment, nothing that really interests me and that I want to succeed in. kinda related to my other thread, my goal this last year has been to have a boxing match, but now im not sure thats something I want to do. I guess I really want to find something that is a ling term goal I can work towards in life, because when I leave uni I have no idea what im going to do. The only job that I really want is to be a fireman, and im even having second thoughts about that.

I would not worry so much about what isn't or what was. What's really important is living in the moment. It sounds like you're the type who has set up their life fairly well, you're going to university, you're (I assume) going to graduate, you have a variety of interests from computer games to physical sports. None of this is anything to really scoff at, thus I would suggest that your feelings aren't the result of a lack of direction but rather a feeling of being incomplete. However this is the nature of looking to the future in your life. It's great to hope, it's great to desire, to be ambitious but when we realize that our aspirations and dreams amount to a rather arbitrary ideal we begin to slip from our moorings if our life is based on achievement.

I'm not attempting to say that your dreams are meaningless, only that the realization is dawning upon you that 'being a fireman' is not really a satisfactory answer to the question. In reality life is made up of innumerable minutiae, those little acts of happiness, kindness, and positivity that we can neither plan nor force. This can realization can leave one feeling trapped, like nothing you can do will allow you to achieve satisfaction. However I would encourage you to look again.

While we certainly cannot create or plan for these acts your dreams prove you know at least a small bit where your satisfaction comes from. It's not in the specific meaning of a firefighter, but in your realization that you do have goals and thus a journey. It may sound cliche but it really isn't the end point, but the journey itself that is the greatest reward of a goal.

Thus I would encourage you to simply give up contemplating and planning your future. Odds are you've already planned a whole lot of it and planning more will not cause your more satisfaction, rather it will leave you feeling defeated when you invariably plan things which aren't realistically possible. It sounds great to say "I'm going to stop playing video games and go outside and enjoy the world." but what does it really mean? How is it really any different?

Don't get me wrong, I would always encourage you to find enjoyment in a variety of things and activities; even the most trivial things can become points of enjoyment so long as you allow them to be. Unfortunately this focus on the future at this stage in your life likely only serves to distract you from the moment in which you live. Furthermore you become consumed in attempting to make your life resemble this 'plan' so much that you reject anything which doesn't conform to this ideal, regardless of how important or satisfying it really could be. In a word it doesn't allow you to even conceive of giving anything outside of your plan a chance.

I would suggest that the ideal is that we learn to live. There is always a point and a goal in our actions, sometimes they're clear such as being a fireman, sometimes they're not so clear such as having a good life. But the fact of the matter is those plans are made a reality by actions we do every moment, not through desiring, planning, hoping or lamenting their presence in your future.

It is definitely tempting to attempt to predict the future, and it's certainly a good idea to provide yourself with a lifejacket that keeps you from going under but too much focus on the future might as well be a concrete vest in the ocean. All it will do is cause you to sink.

If you really want to change your satisfaction, starting tomorrow you'll think of a lot of things in the moment that you'd like to do, things that may conflict with your view of the future, things which may conflict with what you've known in the past, things you fear, things you enjoy. I would encourage you to do them. Now again, some restraint is necessary, it's not a great idea to go committing felonies, but I would really encourage you to take a day and just live your life. Don't worry about the future anymore. With a general sense of direction your momentum will continue to carry you forward, learn to enjoy the world on the way.

EDIT: just some ramblings in my head before I go to sleep so I can look at this in the morning.
I spend too long playing computer games, tomorrow I am not going to play any.

What is too long? Typically we would consider something that gets in your way to be an issue, are computer games getting in the way of something? What is it? Is it possible to achieve both playing the computer and whatever is being interupted?

I dont interact enough with the world around me. I spend too much time inside on my own

This can certainly be an issue and it really comes about from thinking simply too much. Try and shut off your mind. I might suggest meditation with the purpose of clearing your mind entirely. Thoughts will of course occur but I would suggest the goal be to keep your mind clear for as long as possible. Contemplate the world and the bounty it has to offer and then spend some time interacting with the world in the now.

I get on well with most people, but dont form really close bonds with them often and I dont go out and interact enough. My main social interactions are at uni / sports clubs. then again, maybe this is normal. Where else do you meet people? I do have some great friends at taekwondo.

It's good you have some great friends. I would never begin to think that you don't actually have 'close friends' a friend is a friend. Ultimately how close they are to you is almost always within your power to influence. Some might not be able to grow closer, some might be difficult to create depth in your relationship with, you can't find those who are likely to be your greatest friends if you don't give your friends a chance to become so. Take an interest in their life, empathize with their triumphs and sympathize with their failures, find common interests and even suggest some new ones. Don't be afraid to lead, in most cases people won't turn down an opportunity to have fun unless it conflicts with something more important. Remember that if they can't grow closer today there's always tomorrow. This sort of perception and action is magnetic. Don't get me wrong it may seem unfamilar at first if you've spent most of your life thinking deeply about things but as you do it more and more often you'll realize that it's far easier to live life then to design it.

I dont do much in a day. Im a student so I have loads of free time.

Boredom leads to depression. It's very important that we eliminate our boredom one way or another. Again don't go causing felonies but it's important to find something to occupy yourself with. Often times we draw distinctions between work, entertainment, and etc and thus when boredom occurs we dismiss many things as either being uninteresting or too difficult or not worth while. It's important not to forget that compared to boredom most things are better, with difficulty comes accomplishment and things are only as interesting as you allow them to be.

I really like having a project to work towards, but finding a good project is hard.

It seems to me that you've identified a perfect project to work on. We often seek to define our world more and more specifically but in the end this simply results from the fact that language is arbitrary. In defining the world too much we can make life seem arbitrary.

Long distance relationships are hard

I would suggest that shorter relationships aren't any easier, the nature of the problem is simply different.

I feel like once I have something achievable to work towards in life I will acheive it. Its just finding something that motivates me enough.

This is because you're planning your future, measuring what it takes to get there and deciding to 'grind' through life. Life is not a video game and video games can often give us false impressions of reality and lead us to attempting to acquire 'achievements' in the same manner we would in a video game. It's not the end goal, but the journey that you take there. If you can't enjoy the journey enough to motivate yourself then perhaps the goal simply isn't worthwhile? On the other hand your motivation is entirely consciously controlled, it may be distracted easily by negative emotions but remember emotions are more or less automatic.

Furthermore emotions quickly cease to be so significant once we actually do start to move forward or find enjoyment in our everyday life. Which is to say, the over importance of a 'lack' of motivation could simply be the fact you are bored and have a lot of mind power to direct towards contemplation of motivation. This is probably a read herring however, you'll do what you want and ultimately there's no clear equation to make an arbitrary goal something you want. In most cases it must be your own internal realization.

It's not uncommon for motivation to seem lacking in boredom and it's not uncommon for boredom to trigger depression like states of mind. This isn't a big issue so long as we possess the willpower to force our minds into concentrating on more relevant and all together more satisfactory things. If you find that you can't and this feeling seems to persist even when you otherwise would be having fun then your mind might've learned that this state is the 'right' state in which case it may be prudent to talk to a doctor and see what they think.

My OCD possibly gets in the way of things. My fear of viruses doesnt usually impact on me, but it has made me want to give up wrestling, which I really enjoyed. It doesnt always intrude into my every day life, but occasionally it does.

I had a severe fear of germs as a child. As I learned more and more about the world around me however and specifically on my route to becoming a doctor, my fear began to be crushed under the burden of logic and reality. Human contact strengthens your defenses and significantly improves your chance of fighting off just about any disease from cancer to HIV. Yes this isn't telling you to go to the hospital's quarentine ward and rub yourself over everyone but wrestling more likely than not would have a positive effect on your immune system. I'm not entirely sure what type of viruses you believe are communicable but I would encourage you to learn. OCD is triggered by obsessing, often over falsities and by learning the truth it becomes much easier to deal with it.

My fear of germs is still present but it does not prevent me from interacting anymore because I know the steps to take to prevent it, know what risks are, and realize that isolation is about the worst thing. Your body is a third by weight bacteria, there really is not way to keep yourself 'away' from these elements unless you want to cause your immune system more harm which means those innocent bacteria we normally assume are simply a part of our body can really get out of control. Realize just how effective your immune system is and the requirements to be infected and you'll begin to realize just how little danger you really are in. In many cases it only takes a few dozen or hundred viron to become infected, the fact that we're not infected every second of every day of our life is due to just how impregnable our fortresses are and human contact will only increase those defenses.

Anyways, this would be another thing ideal to talk to a doctor about and may help direct your obsession from something which is unproductive into something which is actually effective at accomplishing your goal or avoiding your fear of infection.

I am too unmotivated to do anything.

Why?

I dont like cities

Why?

I like being able to be creative and problem solve. I ought to find a productive way to do this.

Seems like you're doing so with this thread, I wonder how many problems you've solved or know the answer to but simply discount them for the reasons described above. Anyways Wup, after reading your other threads I do understand where you're coming from. It seems to me the biggest issue is seeing life through this current perspective. Sometimes the greatest truths are also some of the simplest.

Best of luck!

[wupwup]

Wow, thanks for the huge reply. I have been feeling slightly depressed, nothing serious or even any negative thoughts, just bored like you said. I have been stuck inside for about 3 weeks doing 12000 words worth of coursework and that is what brought it on :p. anyway, that rant last night after handing it all in made me feel much better. I sometimes play computer games upwards of 6 hours a day, and that is too much. They dont stop me doing anything directly, I will drop them to go out and socialize or do sports, or see my GF, or go to uni, but the problem is in the inbetween time. The time when I have nothing really interesting to do and they become a time sponge. They stop me finding more worthwhile things to do. Im not going to stop them all together, they are fun, but I think a healthier relationship would be do play them when I need some downtime and relaxation from other things, not filling most of my spare time with them because I have nothing better to do.

My life is pretty good like you said. Friends, GF, enough money, lots of hobbies e.c.t. The problem is it doesnt have meaning if that makes sense. I have lots of fun, but its not doing worthwhile stuff. Your right about the future, I shouldnt try and plan out a career path, life e.c.t. I just feel like I need something to work towards that is worthwhile. Im not bothered about a big house, or flash car, I just want to be happy. I was listening to a lecture on what makes people happy, and it said the biggest thing was being part of something bigger than yourself. Using your skills for the benifit of others, being part of something positive and fullfilling. I feel thats the thing im missing. I have lots of fun, but I also have large periods of time when I have nothing to do. That time gets eaten up by pointless things, but I feel like it should be going towards doing something worthwhile.

I had OCD very badly as a child and was scared of any type of sickness. It went away with help and stayed away for a few years. It came back about a year ago but only specifically with herpes, which I know is really weird. I dont know what it is that freaks me out about it, I think its the permanency of it. If I get a cold, fine, it goes in a week. Im very unlikely to get something serious like Legionares disease or something, so I can think about those things rationally and they dont bother me. Like I said most of the time It doesnt bother me, but I get incredibly uncomfortable around people with coldsores and because of the close skin to skin and skin to mat to skin contact of wrestling skin diseases of any type spread very easily, and thats what freaks me out about it.

Cities are big and busy, I grew up in the country and thats what I enjoy more. I like having space so I can do things like go for bike rides, play sports and not feel like im going to get mugged if I go out in the dark. I aggree that short distance relationships wont always be easier. Im moving in with my GF permanently next year and its going to bring whole new difficulties. Commuting 1.5 hours each way to uni being one, and keeping in touch with my friends being the other. Im looking forward to it though, hopefully I will feel more settled, instead of getting on a train with a bag full of clothes every 3 or 4 days to go home, uni or my gf's uni depending on whats happening. anyway, all of that will sort itself out im sure.

[elfdude]

Wow, thanks for the huge reply. I have been feeling slightly depressed, nothing serious or even any negative thoughts, just bored like you said. I have been stuck inside for about 3 weeks doing 12000 words worth of coursework and that is what brought it on :p. anyway, that rant last night after handing it all in made me feel much better. I sometimes play computer games upwards of 6 hours a day, and that is too much. They dont stop me doing anything directly, I will drop them to go out and socialize or do sports, or see my GF, or go to uni, but the problem is in the inbetween time. The time when I have nothing really interesting to do and they become a time sponge. They stop me finding more worthwhile things to do. Im not going to stop them all together, they are fun, but I think a healthier relationship would be do play them when I need some downtime and relaxation from other things, not filling most of my spare time with them because I have nothing better to do.

That's understandable, my point was just not to cut out the only senses of satisfaction you have in life because you decide they're 'not good enough'.

My life is pretty good like you said. Friends, GF, enough money, lots of hobbies e.c.t. The problem is it doesnt have meaning if that makes sense. I have lots of fun, but its not doing worthwhile stuff. Your right about the future, I shouldnt try and plan out a career path, life e.c.t. I just feel like I need something to work towards that is worthwhile. Im not bothered about a big house, or flash car, I just want to be happy. I was listening to a lecture on what makes people happy, and it said the biggest thing was being part of something bigger than yourself. Using your skills for the benifit of others, being part of something positive and fullfilling. I feel thats the thing im missing. I have lots of fun, but I also have large periods of time when I have nothing to do. That time gets eaten up by pointless things, but I feel like it should be going towards doing something worthwhile.

The issue with that train of thought is what people consider being part of something bigger, positive, fulfilling is different for just about every person. It generally gives us images of sacrificing ourselves to help starving children in africa. My point of the future wasn't that you don't need to plan out careers and etc, you certainly need to have direction, but I think you might be missing what really does satisfy you. Do you think about these things when you're having fun? Probably not. This is because in that moment you are satisfied. Trying to demean that satisfaction is a great way to lose all meaning to life.

I had OCD very badly as a child and was scared of any type of sickness. It went away with help and stayed away for a few years. It came back about a year ago but only specifically with herpes, which I know is really weird. I dont know what it is that freaks me out about it, I think its the permanency of it. If I get a cold, fine, it goes in a week. Im very unlikely to get something serious like Legionares disease or something, so I can think about those things rationally and they dont bother me. Like I said most of the time It doesnt bother me, but I get incredibly uncomfortable around people with coldsores and because of the close skin to skin and skin to mat to skin contact of wrestling skin diseases of any type spread very easily, and thats what freaks me out about it.

You likely have already been infected with different sorts of retro viruses. Retro viruses are viruses which can persist in tissues indefinitely because the immune system doesn't have complete access to everything. When your immune system begins to fail these viruses typically come back. However a huge number of them are entirely asymptomatic which is to say, a cold sore may or may not be the result of 'herpes' (there's a lot of different types of herpes too). Thus given you're probably already infected with them and that they only affect people when their immune systems take a hit your best bet to avoid them is to strengthen your immune system. Nothing does that better than human contact.

Now when it comes to drinking after someone with a cold sore or something like that, you don't need to partake and ultimately the only reason you'll be infected from something like that is contact between bodily fluids (blood to blood usually) which occurs frequently around lips and in the mouths but is very easy to avoid on the outside of the body. The reason sex can pass on diseases is the vigorous activity tends to cause micro tears in your skin (which is also the reason why it triggers a massive boost to your immune system) however it's even more than possible for example to engage in sexual activity without protection and not get HIV from someone who is HIV positive. Case in point only about 25% of couples involving one with HIV end up spreading it to each other.

Which is to say, on the outside of your body you really don't have anything to fear and even if you attempted to avoid it, given that so many people are completely asymptomatic with it there's no way you could realistically do so, the only real way to do so is through preventative measures such as keeping your immune system healthy. Again don't go sucking out the pus from a cold sore but it really shouldn't concern you if you're not intending to make out with them vigorously.

Cities are big and busy, I grew up in the country and thats what I enjoy more. I like having space so I can do things like go for bike rides, play sports and not feel like im going to get mugged if I go out in the dark. I aggree that short distance relationships wont always be easier. Im moving in with my GF permanently next year and its going to bring whole new difficulties. Commuting 1.5 hours each way to uni being one, and keeping in touch with my friends being the other. Im looking forward to it though, hopefully I will feel more settled, instead of getting on a train with a bag full of clothes every 3 or 4 days to go home, uni or my gf's uni depending on whats happening. anyway, all of that will sort itself out im sure.

Good luck. To each their own.