i think im falling for a girl that is off limits

[Incomitatus]

So guys can obviously sustain a lasting male female relationship without ever being attracted to the girl? I believe girls can be friends with a guy without attraction but that's different.

What does attraction have to do with anything? I've been good friends with women I've been attracted to but who did not feel the same and vice versa. Most adults can handle that just fine. Sadly, too many American men never seem to grow up.

[Slaytaninc]

Sadly, too many American men never seem to grow up.

[Citation Needed]

[Incomitatus]

[Citation Needed]

No it's not. If I had said, "So many American men fail to grow up," then, maybe, although I'd think that's still clearly a personal judgement. But that's not what I said. I said, "...never seem to grow up." Seem. Clearly an opinion.

In other words, [needs better reading comprehension].

[Col. Tartleton]

All I said, is that normal guys are never going to hang around with ugly girls (by their standards) all the time, and that some part of a male friendship with a girl is going to be sensual. Whereas I don't think girls are quite the same, though I could be wrong, it would't really hurt my overarching point that I don't think the genders can be totally buddies without some romantic element, however suppressed.

So I don't think guys can be just friends. They can obviously pretend to be. I have some female friends. I think they're pretty attractive. I'd hook up with them, though I probably wouldn't do more than that. Girlfriends aren't really my style and they aren't worth making exceptions. So I don't feel much of a need to do more than joke around with them.

My attentions lie elsewhere.

[Ima Farmathar]

the approach was a failure.

well first of all thank you for your replys, spetially mr Cat }hwo seems particularly active. ( you look a lot like my cat, but she is a little fatter, and ahs better quality armor).
Regardless i think you misunderstood me, i don't want to date this girl i prefer the status quo, she is my closest friend, and we both profit from our relationship as is, she's off limits.
but i developed feelings which caused confusion, as to what to do, i figured this feelings might have been caused by this being a really #$%& year and she being around. i made this tread because i wanted advice on how to remove romantic feelings i was having for a friend. since she is the person that has been my friend for the longest continuous period(i have trust issues), i wanted to keep her as one.

most of the comments seemed to agree that it was all an illusion.

i decided that i needed some space to get rid of it, so I went to visit a brother of mine that knows some people that may be potential investors/employers. we went fishing, drinking and we went to a couple bars in a city were the female to male ratio is awesomely skewed in favor of us. the idea was to have fun get a job, and tell myself that even ids this hasn't been the best of years I'm still in good shape.

during my first day with out of town ,she texted me a huge message addressing several things (this messages are common, form both of us, as we are both really cheap when it comes to the cost of phone messaging) the thing that at the end she said "te quiero" which could be translated as an in-between of "i like you" and "i love you" this had never happened before, i dismissed it because i might have been just a friendly good. I replied as always addressing the points with another wall of text.

the day after I returned she messages me again, but i was asleep so i didn't saw the text, she said she was coming over in about an hour but since i didn't answered she sent another text saying never mind ill see you tomorrow. again i answered back, as normal.

but for a week after that she was evasive and sounded hurt at me whenever i talked to her, she was mad at me.
this kind of reminds me why i haven't bothered to make friends.

btw I'm still unemployed, do you think that if i get a high maintenance job back job ill forget about all of this?

I really don't want to get that close to anybody, but having a friend for once was kind of nice. i mean i am on good terms with lots of people that owe me and do me favors, but all that is mealy an act.

so i was like "ok, that's why i don't get involved with people it's easier that way", and return to finding a job again, but then she calls me at 3 am yesterday and we start talking as we always did, and suddenly i feel like before.

today i hanged out with some guys i usually visit in order to prevent derrealization and psychosis, (this was actually mandated by a doctor, " you need to interact with others outside your job" or something like that...) and as i was leaving they began to talk unseemly things about this girl, i got really pised. none noticed because i acted it out, I'm used to it as I'm always acting and nobody really knows me. but it made me realized that what i think of her is really deep and now I'm scared.

so know she probably wants something more, and i do, but the rational choice is to keep the status quo, and i don't know if i can get into a relationship.

[Lord of the Drunk Penguin]

If she said 'te quiero' then acted hurt, I think you just missed your cue, Bub.
Nothing you could say could make it better now.
I think she might love you for real and all this fancy talk about NOT wanting to give way to your feelings have just cost you a decent girlfriend.
Good luck with the rest of your life.

how can you stand there and write such stuff to us? I mean, are you oblivious to the truth?
Nobody says 'I love you' as a joke. It was suggested to you because it might help you open up to this girl.

And here she is, opening herself up to you. Man, I'm so mad right now.

[Ima Farmathar]

is not that easy even if we ended up dating it wouldnt have endend well, i know, and then i would have lost the only person i look forward to seeing. This way she reamins my friend. but still i dont want her to get hurt, so its really confusing now.

and that "te quieroo" could have meant lots of things.. could even have been a warm good bye

[Lord of the Drunk Penguin]

Need I remind you that there are hundreds if not thousands of lonely, single people, good people out there, myself included, who would dive at a chance for romance?
You do know that you are deluding yourself at this point, right?

If you're not looking for a Relationship, then why are you here on the Relationship side of TWC ?

All you got to do is go to her, take her by the back of her neck and kiss the girl.

Is it so hard for you to accept what LIFE has to offer? I mean, she's giving herself over to you on a plate and here you are, seeking excuses for yourself.
So what if the relationship doesn't work? Are you two on Mars? Are there not ANY other human beings around you?

Christ...take a chance, live a little...

[Slaytaninc]

You can't "remove" feelings of attraction for a girl. It's either on or it's off.

If you 'want' her, yet want to still be friends even if it fails, there's a damn good chance those feelings won't go away.

If you want more specific advice since I've been in this position before, just send me a PM.

[Ima Farmathar]

Need I remind you that there are hundreds if not thousands of lonely, single people, good people out there, myself included, who would dive at a chance for romance?
You do know that you are deluding yourself at this point, right?

i know this better than most, im in my 20s and the closest thing ive had to friend before this girl was my little borther who dosent even talk to me anymore and he“s family. all my grilfriends have lasted less than a month.

If you're not looking for a Relationship, then why are you here on the Relationship side of TWC ?

because i considere friendship an important relationship.

All you got to do is go to her, take her by the back of her neck and kiss the girl.

Is it so hard for you to accept what LIFE has to offer? I mean, she's giving herself over to you on a plate and here you are, seeking excuses for yourself.
So what if the relationship doesn't work? Are you two on Mars? Are there not ANY other human beings around you?

Christ...take a chance, live a little...

and in a week ill be compleatly alone again...



to the above poster, its not presisley that im friendzoned its that im confused.

[Clagius]

You could observe her behavior towards you, there is always the possibility that she feels the same way. If you indeed think she might like you, you should speak with her or something like that. As far as I know women, you wont lose her as a friend even though she may not like you that way. But then again, it depends on the person, though.

[Lord of the Drunk Penguin]

To OP, have you breached her... trust





yet?

[Savoyard]

What does attraction have to do with anything? I've been good friends with women I've been attracted to but who did not feel the same and vice versa. Most adults can handle that just fine. Sadly, too many American men never seem to grow up.

Hey, Petrarch and Dante fell for it too!

[Col. Tartleton]

Hey, Petrarch and Dante fell for it too!

Yeah but they were lame authors writing poetry about things they aren't getting. They should have been writing about things they were getting after they got it. If they were men of action they'd have gone in there like men, swords drawn and messed up anyone who got between them and their goal or died trying.

Just see a girl who is "off limits" then swerve the limits and sweep her off her feet. If she doesn't want any of you screw that, on to the next one. But if you go in their guns blazing (metaphorically) and you make your way to the treasure she might just let you have it. She'd be pretty impressed, because you're a dude with power and influence now. That's what it comes down to. It's not about being nice or dressing nice or doing well. It's about fear and respect and power and being awesome.

So do you all over those obstacles that get between you and your goals.

[Ima Farmathar]

To OP, have you breached her... trust





yet?

nope, i followed advice from earlier posters that suggested i was just falling for her since i was having a bad patch, so i decided to begin looking for a job, everything fixed itself.
i got a job, a job I'm interested in, and the money might be good enough, (and long term too) so that i can take an indefinite "sabatical" from college, she hasn't crossed my mind much since.

also totally unrelated, a girl i have had a crush on for the better part of a decade now, and to whom I've said really un comfortable stuff over the years (surprisingly she never stopped talking to me, and even agreed to dinner on some occasions, even if in restricted schedules) is now actively calling me(she has done that before but not with this frequency, and should i say amplitude?).

[Nazgūl Killer]

nope, i followed advice from earlier posters that suggested i was just falling for her since i was having a bad patch, so i decided to begin looking for a job, everything fixed itself.
i got a job, a job I'm interested in, and the money might be good enough, (and long term too) so that i can take an indefinite "sabatical" from college, she hasn't crossed my mind much since.

also totally unrelated, a girl i have had a crush on for the better part of a decade now, and to whom I've said really un comfortable stuff over the years (surprisingly she never stopped talking to me, and even agreed to dinner on some occasions, even if in restricted schedules) is now actively calling me(she has done that before but not with this frequency, and should i say amplitude?).

She could just be missing you. Women can be like that, especially if they liked you as a close friend and never really minded you going in circles around them, it doesn't necessarily mean anything - But it can develop into something substantial. Who knows? The question is: Do you want to investigate that path, or don't you?

She sounds like someone who got used to you going around her in circles, trying to get her, and she threw you a line of rope every now and then only to pull it away once you tried to grab it. She sounds like bad news as far as I'm concerned, a woman who enjoys having men 'woo' her all the time and not do anything about it. If I were you, I wouldn't investigate the path... Old crushes like this (That have lasted for that long) are definitely unhealthy.

[Ima Farmathar]

She could just be missing you. Women can be like that, especially if they liked you as a close friend .

or she could just be lonely or going to a bad time just as i was a while ago when i began this tread, maybe she is just bored,

and never really minded you going in circles around them,.

except i don't o this, while i have know people that finally got the girl after begging and begging, don't do that, it seems somehow wrong.
that's actually one of the things i don't get, how come girls are not completely disgusted at this behavior?

it doesn't necessarily mean anything - But it can develop into something substantial. Who knows? The question is: Do you want to investigate that path, or don't you?.

of course it's something I'd like to peruse, however right now I'm overwhelmed by other stuff, maybe next year.

She sounds like someone who got used to you going around her in circles, trying to get her, and she threw you a line of rope every now and then only to pull it away once you tried to grab it. .

my interactions with this girl are different, i once in a while, once in a few months, one in several, i sent a poem or a commentary or some random toughs to her, or ask her to dinner, etc. I've done this when I'm not in my five senses, and sent some disturbing .
she would do the same.

now she is calling me/messaging me almost every other day, and its awesome!
yesterday i was very bored doing work stuff, and she was on facebook, and we ended up chatting till 6 am,

She sounds like bad news as far as I'm concerned, a woman who enjoys having men 'woo' her all the time and not do anything about it..

in my experience everyone like to be woo(ed?) specially girls, even the smartest and even if they know you are full of .

Old crushes like this (That have lasted forthat long) .

that's kind of the point, 6 years is a lot, especially when a teen ager, and specially when the longest a friend has lasted is 16 months, and the longest girlfriend relationship lasted 2 months.

are definitely unhealthy..

again that's the point, most of my conduct is, most people realize that really quickly
the one below is an actual conversation.
-what a cute cat how is it named
-she's named like you
and she wasn't freaked out.

[War lord]

Dude, to be honest I think your just convincing yourself that her being a good friend is a sign she's in love with you. As Nazgul said, 6 year long crushes are not healthy and I think your showing why.

[Nazgūl Killer]

Maybe War Lord (And my earlier post) is right, and maybe you are Ima. I'm not too sure what to think on your relationship with her after reading your post; so I ask that you take a long time to yourself and start thinking about your relationship with her and considering your options. Is it healthy? Is it right? Was my earlier post right? Do you agree with what you said 100%? Do you maybe think that War Lord is right here?

Answer those questions, and you'll have your final and definitive answer I believe.