Need help writting introduction of Essay (sentence structuring)

[BunnyPoopCereal]

Hello everyone!

I am currently writing an essay for one of my humanities classes (due tomorrow). The subject I've chosen is "How fast food affects health, self-esteem, and well-being".

What I primarily need help with is sentence structuring.

I will post lines from my essay from time to time and ask you, which would be the most appropriate way of writing it or presenting it?



Questions

1) At the beginning of my introduction I am trying to write a "hook or grabber" sentence.

This is my hook.
"We are living in fast food world; where French fries are as close to a salad as some people get". In the world today,

Is it good enough of an attention grabber and is it well formatted? Does it transition well with "In the world today"?

and does "In the world today" sound better than "In today's world"?

Any help is greatly appreciated


Update 1:

Another one of my hooks were "Eating fast food can kill those who are not careful". (I thought it was too direct)

[Larkin]

I'd drop "in the world", people know you're not talking about Mars.

Just go with "today" or "nowadays" or "these days" etc.

[BunnyPoopCereal]

haha thank you!

[TheDarkKnight]

I don't think the University section is for help on homework.

But hope it all works out regardless

[StealthFox]

Questions

1) At the beginning of my introduction I am trying to write a "hook or grabber" sentence.

This is my hook.
"We are living in fast food world; where French fries are as close to a salad as some people get". In the world today,

Is it good enough of an attention grabber and is it well formatted? Does it transition well with "In the world today"?

I don't think the sentence works. I know you are looking for an "grabbing" statement, but french fries cannot be compared to salad; it just doesn't work. lol The semicolon is also incorrect. Instead I might go with:

"In today's western society where fast food is often the core of many people's diet, a hamburger's lettuce and tomatoes may be as close as some will ever get to a salad."

Remember that the whole world is not fast food oriented, so avoid such vast generalizations.

Update 1:

Another one of my hooks were "Eating fast food can kill those who are not careful". (I thought it was too direct)

Another generalization. Fast food restaurants generally do have healthy options, such as salads.

I don't think the University section is for help on homework.

Yep! It probably should be in the personal help section. The mods will move it when they see it.

[atheniandp]

Avoid hyperbole at all costs. Do not say things like "world". Be as specific as you can in terms of your context.

[Shankbot de Bodemloze]

Hey mate, posting this in the Writer's Lounge may be a good idea as well.

[HunterKYA]

The intro paragraph should be used to tell the reader what your paper will be discussing, how you intend to go about detailing your findings, and finally, the final sentence should be your thesis statement of what you believe your results will be.