Woke up, got out of bed
Dragged a comb across my head
Went downstairs and had a smoke
Then I went to work, it was a normal grey day in sunny Twcville, overcast with a hint of cloud but that didn’t dissuade me from my new job. As I jumped into my car and revved the engine I had a funny feeling of déjà vu – this has happened before!
The black Ford Focus pulled into the drive of the multi story office complex; the driver got out and carefully checked his bags before heading into the building and making a bee-line to the lifts. He pressed the 4th floor button and the doors slid shut.
The lift doors opened and the driver stepped out onto Floor 4. It was like a Tardis, there was no way it was this big on the outside. There where more people here than the last time the driver had entered these offices. Walking over to the centre of the floor he noticed a door with one word on it.
Menander – Editor, The Helios
Oh, it was good to be back!
I entered Men’s office but he was no where to be found instead there was a short note on the desk:
Hey Grim got a small list of things for you to do:
1. Speak to KHV and Roma AC about their submissions.
2. Stick in Spiff's little political bit
4. Mention me
Next week you and KHV can fight to the death over editorship. In a cage. Or a pit with snakes or something. I'll be on holiday.
Menander obviously hadn’t learnt how to count despite rising so high in The Helios.
I shook my head and laughed reaching for the Editors Beer stash under the desk – Four X…argh, bloody Aussie – where is the Belgian stuff I stashed when I last worked in the office. Bah.
I sighed and leant out the door shouting to Spiff
“Oi! Where is that political thingy you are meant to write mate?”
Spiff responded instantaneously, although having a serious Curial article being flung at me in Paper Airplane form wasn’t exactly what I called professional but I simply sighed and got on with the job.
- THE CVRIA -
* * *
The past week has seen a lot of action and activity in the various Sub-Forums of the Curia. Chief among these are new pieces of legislation coming into effect and new moderators being elected. What follows is a breakdown of activity in all the relevant sub-forums, correct at time of writing from 12/06/06.
* * *
New Moderators!
The most significant event of the past week has been the election of the new Syntagma Pro-Curator. In what was initialy a closely fought election, by the half-way point a clear winner was emerging. the Burgundian Noble claimed the position with a clear margin of 7 votes on his nearest rival Senatorii Fabolous giving him a total of 35.37% of the overall votes. Congratulations therefore to him, a thoroughly deserved victory.
View the Election thread here:
Pro-Curator Election
The Burgundian Noble shall now therefore serve as deputy to newly ratified Syntagma Curator, Praetor Mimirswell who, after previously serving himself as Pro-Curator, gained this position in wake of Consul Justinian stepping down. Follow me so far? Good.
View Mimirswell's ratification thread here:
Ratification of the new Curator
* * *
News from the Prothalamos:
Various proposed Bills are currently being discussed in the Curias dedicated legislative discussion area.
Civitates Behaviour Act Reform - Proposed by Muizer
Several issues in the existing behaviour act are cleared up, presenting what appears to be a fairer and easier to understand version of the same Act. Chief issues relate to whether the
Consilium de Civitate should be able to dismiss acusations worthy of Ostrakon outright or not..
Councils Act Revision - Proposed by Spiff
Following the passage of the new Councils Act, creating two new advisory bodies to the senior Staff, it quickly became clear that terms of service were needed for these members in order to give more willing Civitates a chance to participate. This Bill aims to ammend that issue.
Norse Themed Ranks - Proposed by scottishranger
In light of the Staffs apparent determination to move the forum to a Byzantine theme with the coming release of Medieval Total War 2, scottishranger's proposal puts a fresh set of ideas up or consideration. Proposed ranks include
Civitate becoming
Ridder and
Senatorii becoming
Landsmenn or
Styraesmen.
For a full list of proposed Bills, as ever be sure to browse through the Prothalamos from time to time, and feel free to jump straight into the discussions youre interested in.
* * *
The Ballot Box:
The following articles have recently been voted on within the Curia Vote Sub-Forum:
As ever, for a full list of finished legislative votes, see The Tabularium
* * *
Nominate yourself!
Since the "Councils Act" recently passed, a candidates thread has been opened within the Curia for willing Civitates to make nominations of others and accept nominations of themselves. If you think youd play an important part in acting as advisor to the senior staff in matters concerning the Common Community, head over to the Candidates Thread sooner rather than later - it wont be open forever!
* * *
Similary, a couple of vacant positions in the moderator rank of Quaestor have become available recently. The staff are looking for people to apply for the rank, especialy people in a European Time Zone. Other than that, the only qualification is that you have been a Civitate for over one month. If you qualify, why not put yourself forward for the rank? Candidates will not be accepted after the 19th of June, so youd better get busy by heading over to the relevant Candidates Thread.
* * *
The Consilium de Civitate; what its been doing:
During the past month, the CdeC (as we like to call it, easier on the fingers) has been voting on candidates to join the rank of Civitate. Below you will see a brief breakdown of this activity.
Bit lower..
there you go
Originally Posted by
Spiff
21 Candidates were Discussed and Voted on
14 were accepted
7 were rejected
66.7% of candidates passed.
33.3% of candidates failed.
The Council took part in five of these votes. Of this five, 2 failed to pass while 3 succeeded.
Of further note is the fact that the CdeC is currently investigating three requests for disciplinary action to be taken against Civitates. let me assure you we are very on the ball and have created a suitably extravagant procedure to deal with such complaints.. we've even set up a spangly new sub-forum called the Quaestio Perpetua. Unfortunetly its hidden and only available to those hearing the cases. Accused members and prosecutors always have the option to appeal cases to the Curia though, in which case youll all eventually find out whats going on anyway.
* * *
The Rest o' The Curia
Resignation
TWC loses another fine member of Staff to the call of the real world
Originally Posted by
Keystone Soldier
What does that mean for TWC? It means multiple things. First I am pretty much resigning from the Mudpit because I am not supposed to criticise the POTUS or the Governor of Pennsylvania. I am also resigning my position of Quaestor. I know I have 16 days left, but I don't know how often I'll visit the site, and don't want to have to worry about moderating. I also do not know if I will return after 14 weeks off. Because of this I think the honest thing is to resign.
The Syntagma for beginners
A breakdown of the TWC constitution for those who cant be bothered deciphering the masses of text the real one contains.
Originally Posted by
Garbarsardar
Elections
From time to time there is a poll. Vote. Except if your name is in it and it says Ostrakon. Ostrakon means you're probably forced to involuntary intercourse and then taken to the parking lot and whacked. Take it like a man.
ACTS OF LAW
You're joking right?
Stay away from this stuff.
Fugggedaboutit.
the OFFICIAL TBN welcoming thread
Name says it all, come join us in welcoming the new Pro-Curator
Originally Posted by
Dorian Gray
that I declare The Burgundian Noble as Pro Curator.
Woot! I am free from this!
Congratualtions, TBN. A worthy succssor to Mim. You have a mandate to exercise powers over the masses - do as you see fit!
All bow before him!
* * *
And thats the Curia for another week. Thanks for reading!
- Spiff
The next step was to find the elusive Roma AC, god alone knows where he normally hangs out so I had to use my superior journalistic sleuthing skills to find him, and eventually I found him in a replica throne room writing on the walls in huge red letters
“MAD CALIGULA”
After calming his madness long enough to gather the documentation he had that I needed I bolted like a rabbit.
So here it is with a sadness in my heart at the ravings of a mad Caligula that I post Roma AC’s last foray into the world of sanity and his very fantastic interview with The Pro Curator of Twcville – The Burgundian Noble.
Some say TBN is a Demon from the fires of hell
Some say he’s a vengeful spirit
He say’s he’s the Pro Curator of Twcville
A nice chat with The Burgundian Noble
1.Roma ac: First off I would like to thank you TBN for letting me ask you a few questions and, for a start, how did you find this site and why did you join it ?
TBN:
I first came to the forum a little over one year ago, on May 13th; like most people, I was looking for modifications for RTW. I didn't actually find exactly what I was looking for, but in the process decided to join in the debates in the Vestigia Vetustatis; the rest would have been history, except I posted in the 'Mudpit too.
2.Roma: Why and by whom were you asked to become a civitate and did this make you more interested in political side of TWC ?
TBN:
I was invited to join the Civitate rank by a certain GENERAL_MAXIMUS. He now styles himself, slightly more eloquently, as Lucius Vorenus. (he's going to kill me for reminding you all of that - couldn't resist it )
As for the political side; I have always been reasonably interested in the Curia. (I was about the only person in Britain who went for studying the Athenian Constitution for my Classics exam, go figure. )
3.Roma: How did you get to your position of government (such as Urbanis Legio,Praetor) ?
TBN:
I was appointed as an Urbanis Legio (Cohortes Praetoria then) by Sulla, and shortly afterwards was successfully voted on for Praetorship, along with Justinian, in an impromptu election in the Curia. After 6 months, or so, I was appointed as a Consul by Archer.
4.Roma: When you were elected Consul were you surprised? If so, why ?
TBN:
At the time I was the senior Praetor by about 4 months, so I wasn't as surprised as I was to win the Pro-Curator elections.
Besides, it was before Archer realised that I had been working for both Cuba and Assyria during the 100 years war.
5.Roma: Somewhat of a corny question, but, what do you like about TWC ?
TBN:
The sound of the little yellow ducklings playing in...the ... Oh wait. You didn't want a corny answer? I like the intelligent debate which happens in the odd thread in the TD.
6. Roma: To finish off, are you happy to be back in a political position ?
TBN:
I like the Pro-Curator position, yes.
“PICK UP THE PHONE FOOL! QUIT YO JIBBA JABBA!!!”
My phones ringtone was horrendously loud when I picked up it was the one and only El Sib exclaiming in no uncertain terms that he had a bit of a story to pad out this weeks Helios….apparently Menander had informed the whole world I was in charge today. No doubt on his secret Australian spy network!
“Hey Sib, how can I help you?”
“Well me old mucker, I have this here short story for you to post in the Helios dontcha know!”
“aaah, sure why not!!”
A Day in the Life
"RIIIING! RIIIING!" The alarm starts palpitating its rhythm. You wake up to its penetrating sound, look to the side, and slam the alarm impatiently into the 'off' position. It's 7:00 A.M. Placing your two palms on the bed side, you thwart your body upwards, let out a momentary yawn, and stand up. You then continue stumbling into the bathroom, turn your electric razor on, shave your stubble, and then turn the shower on 'hot'. While the shower dilatates in warming up, you go downstairs into the kitchen and turn your coffee machine on. You go pacing back into the bathroom, undress, and take a long, warm shower. After a pleasant shower, you dry up and walk out. You then walk back into your room, open your closet, take out your favorite suit from the variety of clothes in your stack, finish dressing up, and walk back down into the kitchen. After removing the coffee lid, you pour the hot coffee into your customized mug and take a short sip. You then carry the mug to the study room in order to check your e-mail in the computer, but after looking at your left wrist instinctively in order to track the time, you realize it's 7:30 A.M. You gotta hurry. Your job starts at 8 A.M. and it takes 20 minutes to get there. You finish your coffee hurriedly and then walk into the garage. Your shiny Toyota is there. You get on the car quickly and drive to work. On your way to work, every single traffic light turns red just as you are trying to cross each intersection. You take a second to consider if the God of traffic has cursed your journey, and then make a small prayer in order to calm his wrath. "Please, just this once, turn green. GREEN!" The traffic light turns green. It's 7:50 A.M. The city is filled with cars. There's a traffic jam on the other side of the lane and what appear like a crash, but the side you're on is as congested as it is always. After driving over twenty minutes, you start getting impatient. Your impatience is only furthered when a lady almost crashes into your car. "Argh... a woman with a cellphone. Who would've guessed?" You honk, but the lady seems unaffected. She continues her mundane conversation. After a few swirves and crosses, you finally get to your company's entrance. The guard asks for I.D. You provide I.D. and he lets you in. You park your car in the employees zone and walk in. You then tip toe into the elevator area hoping no one you know talks to you, walk into the elevator, and then press "level 3". As the elevator door closes, an old man waves his hand from ten feet away so that you wait for him. You look straight into his eyes, but think "I've got to get there in time, **** him... the old man's a snail for God's sake. Can't he walk any faster?" You turn your sight sideways in order to avoid further eye contact, and the door closes entirely. The elevator begins its drift upwards. You look to your watch and it's exactly 8:00 A.M. The door opens, and you walk out.
“Thanks sibs! It fits in with the start of my adventure in Twcville as well!!”
After that side tracking call from the Sibmeister I realised I hadn’t seen King Henry V at his “Work Station” (when I say “Work Station” I mean his Charger complete with barding, pennants and grotesquely oversized lance)
While on the hunt for the elusive KHV (We seek him here, We seek him there, We TWC’ers seek him everywhere! Is he in heaven or is he in hell, that damned procrastinating Lancastrian!) I revcieved another phone call from Spiff claiming he had had a run in with the TWC Night Watch! I sighed to myself for the umpteenth time that day. So before I could continue my search for the lost King I had bail Spiff out from the clutches of TWC’s Nocturnal Law Enforcers
But! Upon arrival at the Night Watch House I found a clue!! Spiff had been covering up KHV as he was on the trail of a notorious character of Twcville! Spiff couldn’t reveal the name but when I paid his bail he did tell me where KHV was last seen.
I jumped into my Ford and drove to downtown Twcville as fast as the car could carry me arriving outside La Perle du Lac – taking a couple of seconds to ogle the grandiose architecture of Twcvilles’s finest eatery – I ran inside and tried to find KHV’s table which was made insensibly difficult by the veritable forest of tables…….
Interview with Garbarsardar
The piano played gently in the background as waiters glided from table to table, carrying silver platters loaded with sumptuous dishes of the finest food. La Perle du Lac was reputed to be the finest restaurant in all TWC, equalled perhaps only by Chez Garb’s, the eatery at the Symposium, in terms of exquisite cuisine. Here Praetors discussed matters of state over a four-course meal and bottle or two of wine and Civitates spent free time dining and wining their friends and acquaintances.
King Henry V sits at one of the tables, sipping a crystal flute of champagne. Garbarsardar enters through the open doors to the restaurant and proceeds up to KHV’s table.
“How nice to see you, Garb,” KHV greets his interviewee.
The waiter brings two menus and takes Garb’s coat.
“I highly recommend the salmon,” say KHV. “Though I must say that the chateaubriand is also excellent.”
“I believe the sirloin is better, though. I can see that you are not short of funds,” Garb remarks jovially.
“Oh no, the Helios expense account is most generous. Well, it will be before Menander hears about it.”
The waiter returns with a notepad in hand.
“Are you ready to order, sir?” he inquires.
“Err, yes, I believe so. To start I shall have the asparagus soup and then I think I shall try the sirloin.”
“Excellent, sir. What would sir like?” the waiter asks Garb.
“To begin I will have the salmon parfait, and for main course I will take the braised lamb.”
The waiter jots the orders down on the pad. “Would sirs wish some wine with their meal?”
“Yes, bring a good bottle of Burgundy. Nuits-Saint-Georges,” replies KHV.
The waiter smiles and departs.
KHV takes his notebook out and a pen.
“So…”
1. So, for the readers of the Helios, newcomers and people who simply don't have very long memories, how did you come to TWC, and how did you rise through the ranks?
I registered at the beginning of 2005 and started posting around March. It was an accident really; I was looking for some facts about mounted archers and I googled HorseArcher forgetting to press the space between...and landed here. Funny that this user in now my boss 
My first post was in the "Petition to CA" for the save-load bug and the PR nightmare that ensued. A couple of weeks later I received my first PM ever with the title "Why are you not a Civitates?" by my soon to be patron Profler and was made aware of the existing system, which actually kept me coming here. I discovered RTW and the mods much later...
2.What has been your most memorable experience so far here? Have done any actions that you now regret?
My most memorable experience was not be able to log on after being suspended. Traumatic. And that brings us also to the things I regret. I was suspended shortly after the hacker attacks, mainly because I lost my temper and attacked some members of the Staff. My way was totally wrong and my suspension correct, although I still stand by the reasons for doing it. Soon after I created two more accounts being naive enough to think that I would remain undetected... I regret at least one action every day...I had my flaming spells in the past with victims mainly conservatives, ultra religionists and racists. I have made my peace with the first two categories mainly because of posters like Oldgamer, but I will never do the same with people promoting hate speech.
3.Tell us a little bit a about yourself. What do you do in your spare time (outside of TWC)?
I teach Clinical Psychopharmacology which is a good thing if you are a Clinical Psychopharmacologist but completely unecessary and a waste of time if you have no interest in Clinical Psychopharmacology or Clinical Psychopharmacological research. To tell you the truth I wanted to be a Clinical Psychopharmacologist since the age of four, but I discovered it much later. When I was asked what I wanted to beome, instead of saying "policeman", " a real woman" or "Ancient Greek" as the other boys children of my age I was mumbling something incoherent that I now realise, was "Clinical Psychopharmacologist".
4. Do you have a favourite holiday destination? Would specifically like to go somewhere?
I want to go to Vietnam next week, and I will. Being Greek, that sorts out my favourite holiday destination, although I have to admit that the most impressive place in the planet I've seen is Iceland.
I spent two weeks in June with 20 hours of daylight and 4 of greyness (no darkness there) in a land that seems out of this world anyway.
5. Do you have any personal ambitions for the future?
Finish my second PhD, in Greek this time, on the representations of psychopathology in Chinese art and also come up with a perfect way to balance crispiness and moisture in sweet potato chips which is a recurring nightmare. I also want to impale Ridley Scott on a 6 footer spear for wasting my time with all the crap he made after Blade Runner, and probably manage to use the same spear to eviscarate Tom Cruise next time he opens his mouth about depression. I also want to post in the Babe's thread when I get really old.
6.What do you like most about TWC?
The interviews. The sense of community. The flames in the mudpit.H&G for the smilies. The smell of gasoline in the morning.My five "children" namely the Good the Bad the Dark the Unstopable and the Cynical.Novusordo. The irate PM's on my moderation.
7. Which moderator do you most admire or respect? Do you have a favourite poster for whose posts you always look out?
Smack was the best moderator ever in TWC. He could suspend you (wich he rarely did) and the only think you felt like saying was "thank you" or "could we please do that again?". I am a very austere moderator myself and being in staff altered my perceptions about what a good moderator is. Now in staff I like Menander the most because he is the most discrete of us. I always agree with imb39's calls and I aspire one day to be cool as Asterix...
Although I am impressed by the debating abilities of people like SM (or Grim Squeaker lately) Darth gigagaia and DD, I really enjoy posts in the more thoughtfull tunes of Sibs and Wilpuri. Where in political mod I am happy to fight with Oldgamer.
8. Why the name?
You will have to buy me dinner first.
9. Which, for you, is the most important forum at TWC (is it the forum you spend the most time in).
The pit. I'm chained to the pit. Occasionaly I flirt with EE&M or VV but it is just a fling. Now as for the most important forums that is a difficult one. I would say the modding forums since lots of pleasure originates there, and Curia...for the pain.
10. Do you have any plans at TWC for the future? Do you have a vision of TWC in the coming years?
Visions are for leaders and I'm not one. I thing I still have a couple of good posts in me and that's enough...I would like TW and CC to come closer, that's my main desire.
I had found him!! Rushing over to KHV’s table and excusing myself to Garb in the nicest possible way I demanded to know where his piece for The Helios was, with a nonchalance only Royalty can manage he pointed 3 pages up and said “there”.
Ah.
Well that put me in my place.
“However, I do have some more items for our Journal”
“Oh?” I responded, wary of his tone
“Yes, Indeed I do here they are……”
This Week in the Vestigia Vestuatis
There has been much debate over the merits of attacking or defending in the Offence or Defence thread. Eric has been puzzling local history buffs with his many “what-if” topics, such as How would the Romans react to the New World on a hypothetical Roman expedition to North America. He has also began his series on American Civil War generals against Napoleonic generals, starting with Lee vs. Napoleon and Grant vs. Wellington. More of these are expected. Also popular are the strange facts threads, such as Amazing facts of WW2, Most fascinating people in history and Most foolish war in history, where the general consensus leaning towards the War of the Oaken Bucket, where several thousand people were apparently killed in a war over, well, an oak bucket.
Featured History Article of the Week
Friday 16th of June is the 191st anniversary of the battles of Quatre-Bras and Ligny, the two preliminary battles during the Hundred Days Campaign. Here Napoleon divided his army into two, giving one corps and the cavalry to his subordinate, Marshal Ney, to attack the Anglo-Dutch forces at the crossroads of Quatre-Bras as Bonaparte led the rest of the army to smash the Prussians as Ligny. Two days later the great battle of Waterloo would be fought.
The June Writing Competition of the Helios opens this weekend, so if you are interested in trying you hand at becoming a literary star, sign up here!
Instead of my usual joke of the week, I shall leave with this amusing picture.
Oh the irony….
“Woah! Thanks KHV you really have excelled yourself!”
“Indeed”
That’s the problem with Royalty, they always look down on you.
With my latest foray into Twcville over I made my way back to the office with all the articles I had gathered from my expedition, compiled it and sent it off to the printers.
Tired, covered in dust, sweating and really thirsty I made my way back to my house, before flopping down in front of the TV and sighing yet again as I saw Spiff in front of the Night Watch.
Well at least Twcville was back to some semblance of normality.
The Helios - Issue XI
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