Barry's Bar

[Gone 2 the Celts]

and Lou Gehrig played baseball, not football.

While Gehrig did bat behind the Great Bambino on murderers' row, he played football for two years at Columbia University and then played it non-pro alongside his baseball career. He actually went to school on a football scholarship, not a baseball one.

[Celsius]

While Gehrig did bat behind the Great Bambino on murderers' row, he played football for two years at Columbia University and then played it non-pro alongside his baseball career. He actually went to school on a football scholarship, not a baseball one.

The more you know.

A shame I didn't know this considering there's a Lou Gehrig jersey hanging in our den

[Gone 2 the Celts]

The more you know.

A shame I didn't know this considering there's a Lou Gehrig jersey hanging in our den

I am SO JEALOUS! (Lol). I'll I've got is a letter from Red Sox legend Bob Doerr to my grandfather and an Ian Desmond bobblehead signed by Ian Desmond.

[chesser2538]

I can 1up that. one baseball signed by 12 members of the 1947 Brooklyn Dodgers, including Jackie Robinson, Pee Wee Reese, and Ed Stanky.

[Celsius]

I am SO JEALOUS! (Lol). I'll I've got is a letter from Red Sox legend Bob Doerr to my grandfather and an Ian Desmond bobblehead signed by Ian Desmond.

I mean it's not like HIS jersey. Just one of the authentic ones lol. I can't afford the real thing

[Agamemnon]

I'm sorry to interrupt this, but I need advice. I've been talking to the girl I mentioned a few pages back, and while she doesn't want to date we're continuing to be good friends. Now, a bit of background: in my family, we're not very respectful at all. We mock each other and insult each other and all laugh it off and honestly rather enjoy it, and the more hurtful we can be to each other the funnier we tend to find it. We're just really thick-skinned people, and it's just the way my grandparents especially and I talk to each other. So my grandparents were just staying at my house and I got back into that mode of thinking over a few days. They just went home. Now, there is a specific physical characteristic about this girl I'm into that bothers her a lot. It doesn't bother me any, but she has apparently gotten a lot of crap from it in the past. You can probably all guess where this is going. Well, she and I have been playing a sort of game where we ask each other questions and you must answer the question honestly. At some point while we were talking she made a joke about being a doormat, and I said she would make a terrible doormat, then almost made a joke about that specific characteristic, but stopped myself because I knew it would hurt her if I said it. She then wanted to know what I was about to say, and I told her it was a really terrible joke that would hurt her if I told her, so I didn't want to say. Then, on her next turn to ask me a question, she asked what it was. I told her the joke, prefacing it with an acknowledgement of the fact that I knew it was terrible and would hurt her a lot and I felt disgusted with myself for thinking it up. I then told her I'd never think of such a thing again, knowing how much it hurts her. She thanked me, oddly enough, I assume it was for honesty, and then told me she was very disappointed that I thought such a thing. Then she fell into a fit of pain that someone she thought cared about her would think of such a thing. She just crawled out of her depression and was beginning to learn to trust people again, and now she's lost all trust in me and I fear I've knocked her back into depression. She claims that she's not falling back into depression, though she has lost all trust in me, but I don't know if I believe that she's okay. And so I stayed up all last night thinking and praying and drifting in and out of consciousness. Now I'm just disgusted with myself and don't know what to do. She's too far away to go speak to in person and even if I did I'd only make things worse, and I'm not sure whether I'm supposed to text her or wait for her or if I've just lost her entirely and will never speak to her again.

EDIT: Well she texted me and we spoke. Basically I feel like a turd and she's willing to forgive me, but I've lost all trust and any chances of dating are now gone. That was basically expected as a likely best-case scenario.

However, now I've been thinking. I don't know if I actually did anything wrong. I feel like crap for thinking of something that hurt her, but I honestly am inclined to think that I did the right thing with it. I thought of the hurtful joke, then I suppressed it because I knew it would hurt her. Then she asked what it was and because I didn't want to hurt her I wouldn't tell her. Only when it was made part of a game in which I've already agreed to participate according to the rules of complete honesty would I tell her what it was, and I told her why I didn't want to - because I knew it was hurtful and didn't want to cause her pain. I felt no joy in telling her what it was, I meant no malice, on the contrary hurting her was the least of my intentions. Then she of course was hurt and the thing began to spiral out of control, but I'm left with the feeling that I'm being punished for a thought, a temptation, that was suppressed as it should have been. I didn't say it, I fought it and I suppressed it in her interests. It would be as if I were tempted to watch pornography, got as far as turning my computer on, and then played RTW instead to get my mind off what I almost would have done. I fail to see where I've actually gone wrong here. However, at the same time, the reasons she gave for not trusting me are logical and valid. She refuses to be hurt any more and doesn't want to be around another guy who will hurt her. I'm in agreement with that, I'm on her side of this. But simultaneously, I've lost based upon that reasoning for something that I did not do. I'm honestly not sure what to think about this. I know that temptation is not sin in itself, and I know that I did what was right in the situation. However, the mere fact that I was tempted seems now to be enough to make me untrustworthy, despite the fact that I did exactly what I was supposed to do with the temptation.

I know, TL;DR. But if anyone feels like fighting through the text wall, could someone explain my situation to me? I'm hopelessly lost here as to what actually happened, where I went wrong, whether I deserve my fate or not, and either way how I ought to feel about it.

[Celsius]

Time to get real.
You will probably never see this girl. You'll talk to her for about a month, maybe longer, and then contact will fade. This is the most likely scenario.

Now time to get to the realest of the real.
Drop her like a bad habit. I understand that you like her and whatnot, but it's only causing you more frustration than it's worth and the end game will be the same regardless.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

The views expressed are solely those of the TWC user Celsius
Please direct any hate mail to:

Donald Trump
The Trump Organization
725 5th Avenue
New York, NY 10022

[Agamemnon]

Very helpful. Nah, I don't want to. Any other suggestions?

[Celsius]

Very helpful. Nah, I don't want to. Any other suggestions?

It's the most truthful advice you'll get, but live and learn I suppose.

[Dan the Man]

She thanked me, oddly enough, I assume it was for honesty, and then told me she was very disappointed that I thought such a thing. Then she fell into a fit of pain that someone she thought cared about her would think of such a thing. She just crawled out of her depression and was beginning to learn to trust people again, and now she's lost all trust in me and I fear I've knocked her back into depression. She claims that she's not falling back into depression, though she has lost all trust in me, but I don't know if I believe that she's okay.

No, it doesn't work that way. If she had really "crawled out of it" in the first place, then something as simple as a dumb joke that you had never even intended to tell in the first place should not have pushed her back in. Either way, she has no right to make you feel bad for something that she insisted you do. If she suddenly "can't trust people" because of something you never wanted to say in the first place, then she's just being melodramatic and probably looking for attention. Wash your hands of it, walk away, keep your dignity. that noise.

Time to get real.
You will probably never see this girl. You'll talk to her for about a month, maybe longer, and then contact will fade. This is the most likely scenario.

Now time to get to the realest of the real.
Drop her like a bad habit. I understand that you like her and whatnot, but it's only causing you more frustration than it's worth and the end game will be the same regardless.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

The views expressed are solely those of the TWC user Celsius
Please direct any hate mail to:

Donald Trump
The Trump Organization
725 5th Avenue
New York, NY 10022

Gospel truth.

[Barry Goldwater]

What Dan & Cels said. If you've outright told her that you really don't want to tell that joke & outlined the reasons why, twice over it seems, and she still insists on hearing it - she has no excuse to get offended about it. Honestly, it sounds like she'd have gotten upset if you didn't tell her the joke ('how can I trust you if you're going to keep simple jokes a secret from me?' and all that) anyway. Either she's still in a depression or, as Dan said, is just acting up for attention.

[jacb547]

I ditto that, if you said it was hurtful and she wanted to hear it anyway it is not your fault. There was no easy way out of this situation if you withheld the joke she'd get mad and if you told she'd get hurt, I think that if you really don't want to do as Cels said you could bring it up with her and try to make her see the logical point in it. Well, since you apologized and she forgave you everything seems to be fine now, don't lose too much hope about dating her if you want, people forget, specially stupid little things like this.

[Agamemnon]

I don't know what to do. Upon thinking about it, I've decided that perhaps the best course of action would be to attempt to explain my side and if she gets mad to follow Cels's advice. But at the same time I don't really know how to do that without a confrontation.

[Dan the Man]

I don't know what to do. Upon thinking about it, I've decided that perhaps the best course of action would be to attempt to explain my side and if she gets mad to follow Cels's advice. But at the same time I don't really know how to do that without a confrontation.

Then don't do it. You have nothing to explain, so don't bother. If she brings it up again, then go for it. For now though, I think silence on your part is quite in order. Hold your ground!

[Celsius]

I don't know what to do. Upon thinking about it, I've decided that perhaps the best course of action would be to attempt to explain my side and if she gets mad to follow Cels's advice. But at the same time I don't really know how to do that without a confrontation.

If you're really into this girl, confrontation is going to happen regardless down the line. Best you know now how she reacts to situations so you months down the line you don't have too.

[Agamemnon]

So yesterday I laid out of my side of it to her and she seemed like she was okay with it. She then kind of apologized to me, as the joke was about something which is a sore subject in general and she responded to it emotionally as if I had insulted her rather than stopping and thinking that I didn't want to tell her in the first place. Then we decided to move on from it and texted happily for another couple of hours. It seems to me that the situation is resolved, I think the forced break of me going to work for six hours gave both of us time to think how stupid it all was.

[Gone 2 the Celts]

Sigh, I felt the end of summer nearing today as I got my schedule for this year :/

[Dan the Man]

First day of classes tomorrow for me, though I don't have to be anywhere until my German class at 11:30, which is nice.

[Gone 2 the Celts]

11:30, pretty good, considering how all of my college friends are griping about their 9AM classes. I just sit here sadly with my 7:15 class lol

[Dan the Man]

I took an 8:30 AM last semester...I don't think I showed up for much more than half of the actual meetings. The class was split into a regular, lecture-style class and a recitation section, and attendance was only taken at recitation (which happened once a week on Wednesday afternoons - not easy to miss). So I would show up once a week for recitation and blow off lecture. It was a class on world history post-1500 and I still 4-pointed it.

That's not to say, for our new college students here, that I endorse skipping classes. However, if you must do it, make sure it's a class that you know you can handle on your own. Conversely, I also skipped quite a few sessions of my Algebra class first semester and I only got a 2.0. That was incredibly stupid, and if it weren't for a stellar performance my second semester, I would have lost a huge chunk of my financial aid because of it.