The "Long Distance" Thing

[Guy]

Those who spy are those who are the worst.

[{GrailKnight}]

In all seriousness, hang in there. It's only a few months away

[Nazgūl Killer]

I hate coming to this forum with the intention of making a post. If I'm addressing an audience of anonymous personas, you know it's serious.

Anyway, Ihave a girlfriend. She lives in Germany. I live in England. That generally sums up the entirety of what I'm about to blabber on about.

It's tough. We've been together for quite a few months now. We're extremely close. We met on a quite a spontaneous trip via our colleges meaning I had to stay with her. It took merely a few days until we shared the first kiss. The falling in love was magical. It was only later that week that I had found out she dumped her boyfriend simply to be with me. Regardless, we carried on and eventually she came home with me and spent a week living with me in England. It was amazing.

However, we only grew closer as time passed. It was then that I decided to book another week in Berlin (I've just come home from it). It was honestly a truly brilliant time of bonding. We've glued so well as a couple now. We've passed levels of togetherness, the first kiss, secrets and other things. It's very close. I'm home now though, and it hurts - a lot.

I'll see her again in about 3 months time when we'll spend a few weeks in England and Germany together. Hopefully.

But that is the problem: "Hopefully." I am very much into this relationship. I love it just as much as I feel I love her. However, sometimes I get the feeling that she is willing to give up. At the end of the day, she left somebody for me. I know she still speaks with her ex from time to time. I can't expect her to wait for someone when there is an alternative not far away in Germany. It's a long way. I'm quite a loveable person in the sense that I would rather have a cuddle sometimes as opposed to a night out drinking; she also reflects the traits that I have. The problem is, those traits mean being away is even harder.

We speak on Skype almost daily. It's great, don't get me wrong, but the thoughts still linger in my head and I know they do in hers too. I feel like she is slipping through my finger tips. I often think my mind is emphasising the situation to the extreme. I'm just very scared that we won't even make it through the next 3 months.

I will be moving to Germany at the beginning of Winter to where she lives. I just feel lost without her at the minute... A webcam can only show you a moving picture.

Is there any advice you guys could deliver me? I'm in quite great need at the moment.

It's perfectly normal to feel like this attached to someone so far away from you. I find that the longing makes you feel more and more attached, because it allows you two to bond on a more mental (And less physical) level, that you actually get to know her for who she is, knowing more and more of her mental quirks so that you have a better understanding of who she is, since this is the only way you two can communicate... However, this can only last up to a while mind you... I mean, it's unrealistic to expect her (Or yourself for that matter) to be solely satisfied with having a romantic partner whose only contact with you is Skype. So if this goes on for too long, it might be broken off...

...However! You seemed to have fixed that problem. You say that in the winter you'll be moving to Germany next to her (Or with her, I didn't quite understand that part), so I'm pretty sure she's more than willing to wait, as are you. Winter isn't too far away my dear, don't despair. If you've made it this far, it should be easy to carry on further.

It's absolutely normal that she wants to give up sometimes, and it is equally as normal if you do as well. The question isn't what we want at a specific moment, the question is what we do about it and what we want overall. What do I mean?

Well, basically, at 7:30 AM you might want to call her because you spent the night without her and you miss her so... But at 9:30 AM after you called her, you feel as if she's not the one for you. Maybe you're wasting your time waiting for her? At 12:30 you slap yourself silly because you realize that for the past five hours you only thought of her! You think she's the one for you. At 17:00, when you get back home (That's 5 PM, by the way), you're exhausted from the long day you had and you don't want to talk to anyone. But just then she calls you.

My point is: That during a certain time period it is perfectly normal to feel different things, the obvious conclusion from your relationship is that she's still waiting for you, and she hasn't given up on you (I think it's mostly because she knows you'll be moving in soon), so don't think about it too much my dear. It sounds to me like you're on the high road and I wish you the most luck possible on it, because you have obviously found something special. Long distance rarely works and it takes quite a bit of dedication from both parties to make it work - Kudos to the both of you!

If you trust her, then trust her. Don't worry. The important thing is that you will be with her again, and you will move in during the winter. In my eyes? This sounds like a beginning of a fantastic relationship and I can only hope for myself and all the people I know to know such happiness.

Don't worry about it, you're thinking too much. Just enjoy it, and make sure she knows you miss her... Honestly, you seem to be making it work. Best of luck my dear! We're here for you if you need us, and if you want something more personal I'm always happy to lend an ear or a shoulder if you need it... However, honestly... I think I should be taking advice from you

[The Glorious Nationalist]

I know the feeling,you like to devote yourself into a relationship,and loosing this one would kill you.But dont worry,its England-Germany,plus you'll be moving with her! how awesome is that! have a bit of patience and it will all be ok

[YD23]

To make long story short figure out how to get out of this situation asap. Move in together, relocate next to each other, or stop it at all. I've done long distance for 2 years, it started off similar to what you describe, but after two years of doing it every little special part of our relationship was simply destroyed for one reason or another; being apart mostly, being stupid and not thinking of another person, cheating, etc. I was a strong believer in that we would make it through, which we almost did. Never again will I do long distance. It's hard and sometimes just pointless, and you end up hurt in one way or another.
I hope it works out for you.

[Nazgūl Killer]

Well he did say he was moving in, when winter comes.

[Phier]

Long distance will only kill a weak relationship. In college we used to wait for the heart break stories as the freshmen would go home for xmass and their girlfriends would break up with them.

I was long distance with my now wife for 3 years of our relationship. It was no big deal because our relationship wasn't going to crumble based on not being together for a few months at a time.

Basically if it fails, I think odds are it would have failed eventually anyways. Finding that out early is better than 2 years in.