Interesting, Funny and strange Historical Tales or war-stories

[General Sultan V]

hey all, so, as we all know this forum is infested with those who indulge themselvees in history extensively/passionately or just like history even though they don't know much in it, starting with the fact we play games set in thousands of years ago


me and a couple of my gaming friends are history fans, we play mostly historical sims, game-mods, napoleonic wars and all of that, during which we shared eachother and argued in history for about a whole year (being the history-buffs we are), during this whole time, I learnt and red many, many funny, intersting and nice war-stories, funny mishaps, and once-occurring blunders, here I share some of mine


here I begin, with the Battle of Fort Stedman

During the siege of petersburg, towards the closing months of the american-civil war, occurred this particular battle where the war-weary confederate army made a night-assault on union picket and fortification lines around petersburg, in virginia


the confed. general gordon assembled about 10,000 troops, starting his attack at 4:15 a.m, the rebel soldiers advanced undetected and achieved complete surprise on the union fortifications, they overran 300 meters worth of fortificatins, opening a gab in the union battle line, exceeding the confederate expectations of success in this battle

the un-organized attack was not stopped by either trenches, breastworks or union guards, it was only stopped by the federal food storehouse!

after finding several wagons loaded with rations that were supposed to be distributed amongst union soldiers, the confederates stopped to fill their hunger

on the same battle, the union general in command of fort stedman, Napoleon B. Mclaughlin, woke up to the sounds of the battle he quickly dressed up and rode his horse and started coordinating a defense efforts with the survivors of the rebel attack, in fort haskell, next thing he galloped to fort stedman (which was already overran by the confederates)

Mclaughlin describes the event as follows:
"I crossed the parapet and meeting some men coming over the curtains, whom in the darkness I supposed to be part of the picket, I established them inside the work, giving directions with regard to position and firing, all of which were instantly obeyed."



He suddenly realized that the men he was ordering were Confederates and they realized he was a Union general, capturing him. He was taken back across no man's land and surrendered his sword personally to Gordon


This is one tale, many more are to come, war apperantly has its own division of "comedy" even though its a grim and terrible thing.

[General Sultan V]

Chapter 2, Blucher the elefantmann!!!


Blücher came to prominence only later in a career marked by extreme dissipation during his younger days, and throughout his long life he continued to drink, gamble, and wench to excess. He was first commissioned at 16 into the Swedish army and entered Prussian service after being taken prisoner. Displeased at being passed over for promotion, he resigned in 1773 to discover he had no talent for farming. He was recommissioned in 1786 and by 1802 was a lieutenant general and governor of Münster. Prominently involved in the Prussian disaster of Jena/Auerstadt, he had a horse shot from under him leading a charge and was later forced to surrender at Ratkau, near Lübeck. Ever troublesome to Napoleon

At the end of his life he seems to have become mildly insane, confessing to Wellington that he was pregnant, with an elephant, by a French grenadier!

Blucher had a mental disease before and towards the end of the napoleonic wars, during which he constantly complained of being "Preganant with elephants", here is a quote from Andrew robert's "Waterloo"

"Not everything about Blücher inspired confidence, however, since he suffered from occasional mental disturbances, including the delusions that he had been impregnated by an elephant and that the French had bribed his servants to heat the floors of his room so that he would burn his feet. The Prussian high command nonetheless exhibited a commendably broad/minded attitude towards these disorders; their army chief of staff General Gerhard von Scharnhorst wrote that Blücher ‘must lead though he has a hundred elephants inside him'."

There are some anecdotes about this old soldier that suggests that he was not too mentally stable. In June 1815 he made a short speech in front of his troops and announced that he was pregnant and about to give birth to an elephant, fathered by a French grenadier. He was removed from the front and placed in protective custody.

Stanhope's Notes of Conversations with the Duke of Wellington, 1831-1851 – Page 176 – mentions two incidents,
"The Duke of Cambridge told me that when Blucher died he was under the delusion of his being pregnant with an elephant—exactly the delusion under which the Duke (as he has formerly mentioned to me) saw him labouring previously at Paris."



On another account and a different story:

"Poor Blucher went mad for some time. He had shown off before some of our ladies, and got a fall from his horse and a blow on his head. This gave him all sorts of strange fancies. When I went to take leave of him, he positively told me he was pregnant! And what do you think he said he was pregnant of? – An elephant! And who do you think he said had produced it? – A French soldier!…"

[Markas]

Maybe he got confused with the word 'expectations'.

'The French Grenadiers are making me pregnant with expectations' kinda makes sense. Of course I have heard that once you go Pachyderm, you never go Backyderm.

Yeah that sucked.

[Lord Oda Nobunaga]

Did the baby elephant join the Prussian army when he grew up, did his father die at Waterloo, so many questions left unanswered.

Funny story as well I was told that my great uncle was a Colombian war hero and I got to see his medal. I actually own the medal now but when I read it it said Lombardini. I looked up what that meant and it turns out my uncle was no Colombian war hero, instead he got the medal as a mercenary in the Peruvian army fighting against Colombia. Sort of a shocker, that would be like if I brought an iron cross to show everyone how he was a Soviet or American war hero or something like that.

[General Sultan V]

Chapter 3: Thats a nice appetite you got there mate.


Charles Domerz, was a Polish soldier, noted for his unusually large appetite. Serving in the Prussian Army against France during the War of the First Coalition, he found that the rations of the Prussians were insufficient and deserted to the French Revolutionary Army in return for food. Although generally healthy, he was voraciously hungry during his time in the French army, and ate any available food. While stationed near Paris, he was recorded as having eaten 174 cats in a year, and although he disliked vegetables, he would eat 4 to 5 pounds of grass each day if he could not find other food. During service on the French frigate Hoche, he attempted to eat the severed leg of a crew member hit by cannon fire, before other members of the crew wrestled it from him.
In February 1799, the Hoche was captured by British forces and the crew, including Domery, were interned in Liverpool. Domery shocked his captors with his voracious appetite, and despite being put on ten times the rations of other inmates remained ravenous, eating the prison cat, at least 20 rats which had come into his cell, and regularly eating the prison candles. Domery's case was brought to the attention of The Commissioners for taking Care of Sick and Wounded Seamen and for the Care and Treatment of Prisoners of War, they performed an experiment to test how much he could eat, Each day, Domery was fed 16 pounds worth of raw cow's udder, raw beef and tallow candles and four bottles of porter, all of which he ate and drank without defecating, urinating, or vomiting at any point.

[Cyclops]

I recall an interview with a veteran of Iwo Jima, who told a rather grim but also funny story about thge assault by the US forces here.

The Japanese defenders were fairly motivated and one young IJA soldier ran at the advancing Yanks with explosives strapped to his body, setting it off in their midst and blowing himself to pieces. His arse flew in the air and landed in the lap of a dazed US Marine who looked at it and said "Am I hit that bad?" (thinking it was his own arse).

Horrible story in a wider tale of misery and suffering, but the fella who told it was laughing and so I feel like I can too.

[Lord Oda Nobunaga]

How the hell did this Polish guy never have to go to the bathroom. I'll assume he wasn't fat as he was in the army for a while. Did he ever need to go to the bathroom?

[General Sultan V]

According to sources, Domery was fed 16 pounds worth of raw cow's udder, raw beef and tallow candles and four bottles of porter, he ate them all without any complaints and without vomiting or going to the bathroom at any point!!!




on another different story, there was once a Chinese poet and courtier Named Li Po, He once attempted to kiss the reflection of the moon on the water from the boat he was sailing on, he accidentally tripped and drowned....

[NRohirrim]

One member of my family was sleeping in the military camp, when enemies attacked, because it was a trap. It was rising era of fire guns, but in his tent there was only some pistol and his relic-souvenir sword. So when one intruder was near his tent, he injured him, but his mag was empty after that. Before he had time to choke him, enemy started to screaming for help. So two other came. And when they attempted to penetrate tent, he killed both of them with his sword.

Another member of family was so busy in killing German soldaten in Narvik (Norway), that he barely forgot about evacuation ships, and run to them in a last minute.

Another member of family was in RAF bombing squad, but all lights down in the Germany were off, and in one moment he saw something like light big hand showing the target. Afterall, bombing was very successful. In the end of war the same person, when flying above Germany, saw something like very fast ufo.

Another member of family received nobility from queen of England in the honor of being war hero, which was funny, because in his country he was noble already.

[General Sultan V]

Chapter 4: Thats a toilet you retards!!!


A japanese friend of mine, who's grandfather has been a vet in the world wars, told me this quite funny story of his grandfather's experience in rabaul during the war, quoted as said;


"Here is a my grandfather's funny story during the WWII.he was an Imperial army's tank crew and he and his company assigned to the rabaul island.His company often salvaged many stuffs from the sunken supply ships by using their tanks.so his company had plenty of equipments than other companies.
One day they discovered beautiful chinaware from salvaged stuffs,so they used the chinaware as a tableware.
and another day when they had meal with the chinaware,a man from other company who was once been in the china came and saw their table and surprised.He said"What're you doing?It's a chinese toilet.""

[hellheaven1987]

on another different story, there was once a Chinese poet and courtier Named Li Po, He once attempted to kiss the reflection of the moon on the water from the boat he was sailing on, he accidentally tripped and drowned....

When he was drunk... To put a side note he was also an infamous alcohol addict and probably alcohol poison.

[General Sultan V]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

lol

[Himster]

On December 16th 1811 the Mississippi flowed backwards because of a massive earthquake.

[General Sultan V]

Chapter/part/whatever 5: Glorious Karánsebes.....


in 17-September, 1788, during the austro-Ottoman war, The army of Austria, approximately 100,000 strong, was setting up camp around the town of Karánsebes (In romania) The army's vanguard, a contingent of hussars, crossed the Timiş River nearby to scout for the presence of the Ottoman Turks. There was no sign of the Ottoman army, but the hussars did run into a group of Romani, who offered to sell schnapps to the war-weary soldiers. The cavalrymen bought the schnapps and started to drink.


Soon afterwards, some infantry crossed the river. When they saw the party going on, the infantry demanded alcohol for themselves. The hussars refused to give them any of the schnapps, and while still drunk, they set up makeshift fortifications around the barrels. A heated argument ensued, and one soldier fired a shot.


Immediately, the hussars and infantry engaged in combat with one another. During the conflict, some infantry began shouting "Turcii! Turcii!" (Romanian for "The Turks! The Turks!"). The hussars fled the scene, thinking that the Ottoman army’s attack was imminent. Most of the infantry also ran away; the army comprised Italians from Lombardy, Slavs from the Balkans, and Austrians, plus other minorities, many of whom could not understand each other. While it is not clear which one of these groups did so, they gave the false warning without telling the others, who promptly fled. The situation was made worse when officers, in an attempt to restore order, shouted "Halt! Halt!" which was misheard by soldiers with no knowledge of German as "Allah! Allah!"


As the cavalry ran through the camps, a corps commander reasoned that it was a cavalry charge by the Ottoman army, and ordered artillery fire. Meanwhile, the entire camp awoke to the sound of battle and, rather than waiting to see what the situation was, everyone fled. The troops fired at every shadow, thinking the Ottomans were everywhere; in reality they were shooting fellow Austrian soldiers. The incident escalated to the point where the whole army retreated from the imaginary enemy, the Holy Roman Emperor Joseph II was pushed off his horse into a small creek.


Two days later, the Ottoman army arrived. They discovered 10,000 dead and wounded Austrian soldiers.................

[ComnenusTheOne]

Not sure if an anecdote, apocryphal, real or whatever, but during the Battle Of Lepanto (Oct 7th 1571), supposedly when boarded by christian sailors/marines, the ottomans were throwing nearly everything their had at the enemy, until all their ammunition was depleted, to the point that they had to use food supplies as projectiles, throwing lemons and sausages at the enemy. Supposedly.

[Cyclops]

My Grandfather was an army driver in WW2 Australia, trucking supplies from Adelaide up to Darwin across the desert.

He suffered from narcolepsy and would fall asleep at the wheel, running of the road into the desert but fortunately it was all so flat he would be shaken awake by the wheels jolting in the bushes and steer back to the road following the tailights of the trucks in front.

Happened a few times to hear him tell it.

[General Sultan V]

The might and glory of the ottoman empire at its highest point

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

[QuackyNC]

You want some funny interesting and insane war stories then read about Jack Churchill his life and service during WWII is amazing. This is a man who recorded a kill with a longbow, was known for shouting "COMMANDO" and other war cries while charging into battle, and for using a claymore and bagpipes to intimidate the enemy. He survived countless things that should have killed him and when he got captured pretty much just walked out. The guy was literally insane. His best quote: "If it wasn't for those damn Yanks, we could have kept the war going another 10 years"

Here is an article you should all read if you arent familiar with him.

http://www.wwiihistorymagazine.com/2...-profiles.html

[General Sultan V]

6: Reportedly, during the Battle of Somosierra in the Peninsular-war, in 1808, The spanish closely repulsed a french attack and asked wellington for reinforcements to back up their Line of defense (Im not sure what wellington was doing during the battle, possibly doing his around-the-hill-spying) according to napoleonistyka, Wellington MAGNANIMOUSLY declined reinforcements, saying that the Spanish should have the glory of defeating the French all to themselves


On another occasion during the Peninsular war, during the ferocious battle of Albuera in 1811, during the aftermath of the battle, Reviewing Beresford's after action report, Wellington was unhappy with the high casualties and the outcome of the action, and told a staff officer "This won't do. It will drive the people in England mad. Write me down a victory!" and thus it was decided as a Victory to the allies Later on, Wellington privately acknowledged that another such battle would ruin his army!


The French commander at this battle (Field marshal Soult) also later on commented "I had turned their right, pierced their centre and everywhere victory was mine – but they did not know how to run!"

[General Sultan V]

7: Don't shoot, We're Republicans!


(Sorry this is a bit of a long story, but its definitely one of the funniest war-time stories I'd ever read, enjoy)


on May 7 1942, a Fletcher-class destroyer was laid, this destroyer, the William D. Porter, would have one of the most unlucky, and Misfortunate careers in aviation history.


the "Willie dee" would be Laid down in 1942 at Orange, Texas, and commissioned at 6th July 1943, with Lieutenant Commander Wilfred A. Walter in command


after a couple of months of shakedown repairs and training & drilling, the William D. Porter was chosen for a highly-secret mission, escorting the USS Iowa, aboard which was president Franklin D. Roosevelt, The mission was simple but critical: Get Roosevelt and his entourage to Mers-el-Kebir in French North Africa for the first of the high level summits between the Allied leaders. The ships traveled at high speed all the way across the Atlantic, with the smaller destroyers struggling to keep up. Most of the sailors in the convoy did not know the purpose of their secret mission, or that the president was on board Iowa, but the tension among the officers signaled that they were involved in some sort of high stakes operation, they fleet moved at flank speed all the time

Even at maximum speed, the trip would take eight days, so during the voyage the ships and their crews continued with the training and drills that they normally conducted when at sea. Such activity was important to keep the men busy, and in the case of Willie Dee, to better prepare its relatively green crew for life at sea.



The destroyer's trip got off to a rough start, while moving out of port in Norfolk, there was a very loud racket, As Walter and the other officers looked off the bridge, they saw that their ship wasn't coming apart — Willie Dee's anchor had snagged the Navy ship beside it and ripped off its railing, life rafts, a small boat and various other pieces of equipment. Although it wreaked havoc on its neighbor, Willie Dee's damage was limited to scratches on its anchor. Rushing to meet his rendezvous with Iowa, Walter only had time to make a quick apology before his destroyer continued on to its way.



Within the first 48 hours of the secret mission, Willie Dee continued drawing uncomplimentary attention to itself. At one point after joining the rest of the convoy, the ships were making their way through an area known to be infested with U-boats when a large explosion suddenly rocked the water. All the ships immediately initiated antisubmarine maneuvers and went on high alert, until Willie Dee signaled that there was no submarine. The explosion was just one of its own depth charges that had accidentally fallen off the ship because the trigger was not set on'safe' as it should have been.

Soon after that embarrassment, Willie Dee was hit by a freak wave that washed a man overboard, never to be found. Quick on the heels of that mishap the engine room lost power for a while, causing the destroyer to fall far behind the rest of the convoy, the Chief of Naval Operations Admiral Ernest J. King who was aboard the Iowa with president Roosevelt made walter aware of his frustration and anger at the destroyer's performance, the willie dee's skipper vowed to improve the ship's performance, but that did not happen



during the voyage, on another occasion, on November 14 the USS Iowa's captain offered to show president roosevelt how the ship would defend itself from Air attack, several weather balloons were launched aloft as practice targets, the ship started firing its Anti-aricraft guns, the president was on the deck, enjoying the show, the Willie dee and her crew watched from 6,000 yards away, growing eager to join the fun,They got their chance when the battleship missed a few of the target balloons, which drifted into range of Willie Dee's guns. Seeing an opportunity to redeem himself, Walter quickly sent his crew to battle stations, and the gunners commenced firing on the balloons. At the same time, he ordered the crew to conduct a drill in which they would practice launching torpedoes at another ship.



down at the torpedo tubes, the two torpedo primers, who were simulating a real combat situation, started "launching" torpedos at their target, normally during a torpedo drill there had to be a ship as a target, for this, the commander of the William D chose the USS iowa as a practice target, which was the largest ship in sight



the The only difference between a drill and the real thing was that in a drill, the torpedo crewmen first removed all the primers that launched the torpedoes out of Willie Dee's four tubes. Without the primers, the firing signal could not cause the explosion needed to expel the torpedos from the tubes into the water. the bridge officer sent the commands for the simulated firing and the torpedo crew below 'fired' a torpedo. After a pause in which he normally would have confirmed that the torpedo was on its way, the bridge officer continued the drill with 'Fire 2!' As expected, there was another pause and then he commanded 'Fire 3!'

This time, his command was confirmed with a 'whooooooosh' as the torpedo flew out of its tube and into the water — to the astonishment and horror of the officers on the bridge. A live torpedo was in the water and headed straight for Iowa.



Officers on Willie Dee's bridge started racing around, barking orders and calling for confirmation that what they feared was happening was in fact happening. At most, the torpedo might take two minutes to reach Iowa, and battleships can't turn on a dime, so there was no time to waste.

Walter ordered a warning immediately sent to Iowa. But the secret convoy was under strict orders not to use the radio. Instead, a signalman was to signal the battleship by flashing light. Unfortunately, in his haste and inexperience, the young sailor first flashed that a torpedo was in the water but moving away from Iowa. Becoming more flustered as he watched the torpedo swim toward the battleship, he tried again and somehow signaled that Willie Dee was going in reverse at full speed.

Walter realized the flash signals weren't going to work, and he was running out of time, so he decided to break radio silence. Willie Dee's radioman quickly called to Iowa using its code name: 'Lion, Lion, come right!'

The radioman on Iowa, surprised to hear anyone on the air, responded by calmly asking who was calling and why: 'Identify and say again. Where is submarine?'Willie Dee's operator responded with 'Torpedo in the water! Lion, come right! Emergency! Come right, Lion! Come right!'

And then there was no more response from Iowa, because at about the same moment the lookout on the battleship had spotted the fish and was screaming: 'Torpedo on our starboard quarter! This is not a drill! Torpedo on our starboard quarter!'



Iowa turned sharply right and increased speed as its guns began firing on the incoming torpedo. Walter and his crew on Willie Dee could only watch and hope the big ship made the turn in time.

The battleship sounded its General Quarters alarm, and the crew began racing to emergency stations. Those on deck soon saw the incoming torpedo as the ship leaned heavily to the left in a desperate maneuver. The list was so pronounced that Roosevelt's bodyguards had to steady his wheelchair. One of the guards even reached for his pistol with the intent of shooting the torpedo as it came closer.

As the crew of Willie Dee held their breath and watched, the battleship made the turn in time, and the torpedo exploded in the big ship's wake. Roosevelt later made a note in his diary about the trip that said: 'On Monday last a gun drill. Porter fired a torpedo at us by mistake. We saw it — missed it by 1,000 feet.'

Walter and the Willie Dee crew could breathe again, but for them the incident was far from over. Once Iowa came back into formation, Walter could see that the battleship's guns were trained on the destroyer that had just fired on the president. Soon Iowa radioed to ask what in the world had happened. 'We did it,' was Walter's reply.

After quickly conferring with his own crew, who had no immediate explanation for how the torpedo ended up in the water, a red-faced Walter tried to assure Iowa that the whole thing was just an accident. Under the circumstances, however, suspicions ran high, and the hard luck Willie Dee was ordered out of the convoy



in almost sinking Iowa, Willie Dee became known in the Navy as a screw-up ship to watch out for.

After 1943 the ship was commonly hailed by other ships with the greeting: 'Don't shoot! We're Republicans!' Willie Dee became a black sheep, the shadow of that ill-timed shot continued to haunt Willie Dee. Seeing how the destroyer had performed in a high profile task such as guarding the president's secret convoy, the Navy thought the ship might be better off in an assignment where it could do little harm. The destroyer was sent to the Aleutian Islands for a year, and while serving in the frigid waters off Alaska the crew worked hard to vindicate their ship's reputation.

Although they performed well, their ship seemed to be haunted by a Jonah and unable to entirely shake its embarrassing past. During a break in exercises in the Aleutians the crew were drunk, some of the gunners wanted to fire some of the Ship's big guns (5" Inch) they fired a shell before anyone could stop them, with no idea where the shell is going to land, Unfortunately, it just happened to land in the front yard of the base commandant's home while he was having a little party for fellow officers and their wives. Fortunately, the only damage was to the destroyer's already unenviable reputation



With the naval war in the Pacific reaching its climax, however, the Navy concluded that even Willie Dee was needed for the final campaigns. With a more seasoned crew, Willie Dee left the Aleutian Islands for the western Pacific performing escort duty to the Philippines and taking part in the operations at Mindoro and Lingayen Gulf. In late March 1945, Porter was sent to Okinawa



On one patrol, the Willie dee Encountered a Japanese kamikaze, an Aichi D3A Val dive bomber, the pilot dived for the destroyer at full speed, the destroyer fired its anti-aircraft guns at the incoming kamikaze


the crew of the destroyer rejoiced when the plane missed them, landing on the water short of the destroyer and did'n explode, some thought, Willie Dee's luck was finally beginning to change. They were wrong.

The Japanese plane had been moving so fast that even after it went into the water it continued to move toward the ship. It kept moving until it was right under William D. Porter and exploded with enough force to lift the entire destroyer up out of the water. The ship with the short, troubled history held on for three hours, long enough for every man on board to be rescued, slowly onwards the destroyer sunk beneath the waves, its mis-lucky history remained little-know about until the late 50's when the Iowa incident was reported......