Forged In The Greatest Flame

[Derp Le Joker]

Prolouge: The Flames
Year of our Noble Lord, 1546
Kai Province, Hana Castle

Katsu barreled down the path bumping villagers, carts, and pack animals. The long days work in the rice paddies were over and he was running home for supper. He could practically smell the herbs wafting from his hut. Katsu as you would expect was a peasent, his father was a peasent and so was his father and the whole line of Katsu's ancestor's were peasents. He had no real family name for no peasent required one and he was simply known as 'Katsu'. Katsu's father named Shima, was a simple peasent but was drafted into the service of their former daimyo Takeda Nobutora and was killed at the battle Un no Kuchi, leaving his wife, Inoue, alone and pregnant with his unborn son and that my friend, is our hero. But wait theres more.

Sato Sasaki is a son of a minor samurai and lives in the castle of his fathers lord, Yamamoto Katsuke. His mother had died during childbirth leaving Sasaki's father Sato Takahashi with a baby in arm and a dead wife in the other. His father then resolved his problems in the bottom of a bottle of sake. Takahashi when not drunk would be a fierce warrior to be crossed but when drunk he's a complete and utter savage. A wonder why he's a minor samurai. This my audience is our other protagonist. Now with all introduction's done let's get on with the story.

Katsu was running down the path and practically broke the door to his small hut. There waiting on the table was a hot rice porridge waiting
for him. He said a quick prayer to Budhha and tucked in. His mother sat across from him and smiled at her son. Katsu's mother was abeautiful woman with a small petite nose and big dimples when she smiled. Her eyes were sharp, knowledgeable, and so deep you could stare into it for a eternity and never see the end. 'Katsu eat slowly.' she said. Katsu raised his eyes from his bowl and nodded 'yes mother.'

The meal was rudely disturbed by a loud knocking on the door. Inoue ran to the door and opened it. Her mother found herself looking up to a tall, slender fully armoured samurai. The next events happened quickly. Katsu's mother was violently pushed to the ground and was beheaded by the samurai, right before Katsu's eye. Blood stained the walls and Katsu was there staring at his mother's head slowly rolling to him.

The samurai approached Katsu katana in hand. Katsu ran for it. He ran as fast as he could pushing the samurai out of the way and ran into the dirt path in front of his house. The village was on fire, screams could be heard from all around. Katsu would never forget the screams and fire all around him. He ran for the castle on top of the hill overlooking the village. When he had reached the castle he was
sobbing and his tunic stained with the mix of blood, sweat, and tears.

The castle guards let the refugees from the village castle and shut the gate behind them. The refugees quietly whispered to each other, 'No doubt about it, those are Uesugi raiders, they had the mon on their sashimo's and colours.' Katsu had no idea what a 'Uesugi' was, and his
brain was too shocked to process it. His mother, the only person he loved in the world was now dead. Victim to those 'Uesugi Raiders.'

Katsu and the others were led into the inersanctums of the castle to wait out the raid. What sounds came from the outside was terrifying. Swords clashing and the death cries accompanying it. The night was a bloody one. When the refugees were released from the castle they returned to the remanants of the vilage.

All of what was left was burnt out houses and broken hearts. Katsu was devestated not only by his mother's death but the village he grew up in was destroyed. Katsu never found Inoue's body. The raid was 8 years ago.

[Derp Le Joker]

Chapter 1: Ashigaru awaiting orders, my lord!
Year of our Noble Lord 1556, April 6th
Kai Province, Hana Castle

It was flooding back the screams, blood, his mother, ..... and the flames. GONG! The morning alarm for the servants of Hana Castle resounded across the room. 'Rise and shine ladies!' Yelled the alarm keeper a small but firm man. 'Another day to serve our noble masters!' The nightmare has occured again, ever since the night of the raid Katsu has been having the nightmare visit him on and off for 8 years.

'Ah, what do we have here, a slacker, eh?' The head servant, a man of large size and no to menton girth was looking down on Katsu.

The head servant's name was Noda but the other servants nicknamed him 'Tormentor' He had the authourity to give the other servants beatings or other ways of reprimanding the 'Rulebreaker'. 'Someone hasn't stood up and salute our most noble head, who may it be this time?' Asked the Tormentor. Obviously directing the question to Katsu. 'I did Noda - sama' replied Katsu with a guilty tone. 'Ahhh, and our rulebreaker admits to it, that would help your case. Your punishment is to clean after the horse's, enjoy.' Noda said with great pleasure.

The other servants were relieved that they didn't have to clean up after the horse's. 'Yes, most humble Noda - sama.' Said Katsu 'Good, now dismissed.'

The servants then fanned out to complete their morning task's. Katsu was bestowed woth the most honourable task .... cleaning up horse excrements and urine.

Katsu has served the nobles of Hana Castle for eight years, after the raid on Hana village Katsu nowhere left to go but the castle. Now here he is now cleaning after the horse's, charming.

'Hey, Katsu!' It was Saski the son of a minor samurai who lived in the castle. 'What you up to?' inquired Sasaki. The friendship between Katsu and Sasaki is traditonally looked down upon but many turned a blind eye toward's it. 'What do you think?' Snapped Katsu. 'Well your shoveling up horse dung, my guess is that you got in trouble.' Replied Sasaki. 'Oh thank you for your most noble enlightment and analyzation of my current situation.' Katsu said. Sasaki gave a slight bow 'my pleasure, as always.'

There was a muffled gong from the castle. 'Katsu it's time for breakfast.' Sasaki cried with enthusiasm. One of the many thing's the guy's have is their love for food, it's a miracle that they were'nt flabby.

Normally, the nobles ate in a different hall from the servants, but today was a special occasion. As the noble's and servant's filed in Sasaki whispered to Katsu 'This must be quite important if Yamamoto - sama gathered everyone today. As they sat down the daimyo cleared his throat and began to speak in his powerful and commanding voice. 'This morning I have recieved an order from our lord and benefactor, Takeda Harunobu.'

The people then erupted in to bursts of murmering and whispering. Yamamoto then cleared his throat and all was silent. He then continued 'Harunobu - sama requested a mustering of forces in Gifu for a campaign.' This became a louder commotion in the hall. Yamamoto slammed his hand on the table and the crowd went dead silent. 'Harunobu - sama requests for 200 troops including 20 samurai and assorted troops, as you can see we can not muster such a force so we are recruiting men willing to serve our lord.' Katsu's hand immediatley raised his hand.

'I volunteer to serve our clan!' Cried Katsu

Katsu has been waiting for this oppurtunity ever since the raid. He had been itching to spill Uesugi blood and find the one who murdered his mother.

The daimyo laughed heartingly 'Ah, Katsu - san our eager boy.'

'Im not a boy I have come of age to serve our lord!' Katsu cried in a very high pitched voice and blushing red

It was true Katsu was eighteen the minimal age was sixteen

'And you will! Kaiten! See to Katsu's enlistment.' Ordered the daimyo. Fuku Kaiten is the chancellor of Hana Castle and was in the past a samurai of mediocore skill but old age pulled him out of the battlefield but was made chancellor for his intellect. 'Certainly, my lord.' replied Kaiten. Kaiten led Katsu from his hall and in to Kaiten's study. Katsu was seated in front of a table facing the aged chancellor. Kaiten dipped his ink pen in the well and begun to write out the application.

'Name?'
'Katsu'
'Age?'
'Eighteen'
'Occupation?'
'Servant'
'Any skills?'
'I can read and write'

It was true Katsu had learned to read and write from Sasaki's teaching's at night. Sasaki believed that reading and writing was a skill to be proud of.

'Good, good' replied Kaiten

'Alright, Katsu you will serve as a foot soldier, ashigaru, lightfeet, whatever you want to call it. You will recieve 5 koku a week for your
services.' He handed a small bag of coins to Katsu 'This is your starting payment, report to castle barracks tommorow.' Said the old man. Katsu had never had any money before because his payment as a servant was food, drink, and a place to sleep. He certainly didn't know what to do with it. He walked with Kaiten. Kaiten spoke 'Katsu, you seem to be a sharp boy and can read and write, wouldnt you like a councillor position instead of a soldier or servant?' Katsu replied 'No, maybe in the future but for now I want revenge.' Kaiten knew his story he nodded.

As they reached the dinner hall the meeting was dismissed. Sasaki greeted Katsu 'This is going to be great! i'll ne serving our clan with you!' It was an obligation for Sasaki to join the army for he was the son of a samurai but he still needed to prove himself in battle to claim the title 'Samurai'. The boy's then went on with their daily task and waited for the next day to report in the barrack's.

[Derp Le Joker]

Sorry mistyped the year its supposed to be 1554 and please excuse my mistakes

[Rex Anglorvm]

A nice start

Rep+

[Derp Le Joker]

Thanks rex im a big fan of your work

[Rex Anglorvm]

Thanks rex im a big fan of your work

Thank you DLJ, welcome to our little but very friendly community

I hope to see more of your writing and when I have more time perhaps you will accept a few tips from me

Rex

[Shankbot de Bodemloze]

I'm looking forward to reading through this.

And as Rex has kindly said, welcome to the CW section. If you have any questions just ask.

[Derp Le Joker]

Chapter 2: Beardless Boys
Year of our Noble Lord 1554, April 7th
Kai Province, Hana Castle

Katsu couldn't sleep all night. His mind was droned out by the heroics he would soon be commiting on the battlefield. Cutting down foes left and right, drinking sake, and toasting for the daimyo. Katsu was laid about on the grass inside the castle's field. Noda couldn't punish him for he was now a soldier of the noble Takeda clan. The one's who owned these land, guided it's people, fed them, nurtered them, and bled for them. Their lord Harunobu would lay down his life for his people, Katsu idolized him.

Dawn began to come over the horizon paving the way for morning. This was the day, he would report to the barracks and begin his training as a soldier. But some thought's loomed in his mind, The chancellor, Kaiten had offered him a position as a councillor. Why?, he was a lowly commoner and had no trace of nobility on him. Even so, why would Kaiten not question how he learnt to read and write. Something might be plotting inside that aged man's head, Katsu dismissed it as nervousness for the upcoming event of training.

Katsu had been just sitting there mind bent on a miniscule thing that probably isnt anything at all. Dawn had already passed and the sun began it's long journey across the sky. Katsu got up from his small patch of grass he had been laying on and had set off to the castle barrack's.

The sound of weapon's clashing, and grunts came from the barracks. The soldier's have alway's woken up before any other's in the castle and had begun training since dawn.

Katsu walked through the barrack entrance and stood staring at the practicing men. They were in sparring, they were using real weapons and the odd finger or two had been cut off before.

A giant held up his hand and all sparring ended. The giant a huge built man with nothing but muscle on him began to walk towards Katsu. It was absoluty terrifying, Katsu couldn't help himself and stepped back. The Katsu stooped down to him and boomed 'Who are you?!' Katsu shrank back. Katsu squeaked 'Im the new recruit, Katsu, I was told to come here today by the chancellor.' The giant sighed, 'Take a seat over ther with the other recruits.'

Katsu rustled over to the group of recruits and sat besides them. The soldiers began their sparring practice again and took no notice of the recruits talking amongst themselves. Katsu counted twenty four recruits, most were young adults who all seemed to look like the common peasent. There was a couple of hunters among the group, but for the most part they were peasents.

After a while, the soldiers completed their training sessions and filed out of the room. After the last soldier out the giant boomed 'Today, I will be ascessing your skills and potentials and how potent you are in combat. The performance you do today will reflect on to your starting rank, weapon, and pay.'

'But what I can see now is just beardless boys born from the womb of a whore and village idiot.' The giant mused, the recruits did not put up any resistance to the insults in fear of the giant crushing them.

The giant grunted 'I am Nobutana Kyte, you will adress me as Ashigaru no Kashira or Kyte - sama.' 'Yes, Kyte - sama!' yelled the recruits.

'Heh, alright! File on me!' The recruits fumbled and shoved themselves in to a line and marched off trailing Kyte. The recruits were led out to the training grounds and stopped at the firing range. 'Alright, you recruits will pick up these yumis and use them to the maximum effectiveness and fire on those targets over there.' The giant pointed at the straw dummies.
Katsu picked up his bow and drew the string, he had no experience with the bow and barely had enough strength to pull it in to full draw.

'Alright, on my mark you fire, understood? Good.' Some of the recruits had experience with the bow and had already understood the distance of the target and the arc of the arrow. 'Draw!, Aim!, Fire!' Twenty bows twanged four arrows found their mark.

Katsu soon understood the arc of the arrow and had decided that the distance of the targets is fifty meters. The group of recruits had fired ten arrows each and some were naturals and others just experienced. Katsu ended with six out of ten arrows landing the target, not too bad for a novice.

Kyte chose six of the twenty four recruits and assigned them to the archer unit of the castle. They were then left back at the range to be trained with the bow sensei of the castle.

Katsu was glad to be away from those bows the pain of his arms from the strings being released still ached.

Katsu and the recruits were led to another field in the vast training grounds. 'All of you are now Yari Ashigaru soldiers! Greet your new brothers - in - arms, you will be trusting one another's life on the battlefield to the guy next to you in the spear wall.' Kyte said the recruits looked at one another and regarded each other. 'Well, enough talk more fight'

The recruits were handed yari's and some shoddy looking katanas. 'Alright, you will be sparring with the boy next to you and I dont want any blood on the grass, we just got it cleaned away, am I clear?' The recruits nodded 'Alright, you and you come out here.' Two average built young adults marched out on the field yari in hand. 'You to will be sparring forst, nothing nelow the belt and no blood spilt, alright?, begin!'

The two recruits circled each other circled each other uneasly, one of the recruits, with the huge ears lunged foward with the yari and missed his opponent completly. Big ears had his stomach open for attack and recieved a friendly knee. Effectivley enraging big ears, his opponent a more brighter fellow took advantage of big ears enragement and dodged the blind swings of the yari and charged at the right moment almost skewering big ears in the stomach and stopped just at the moment steel met cloth.

Kyte clapped 'Good moves my boy, what's your name?' The giant asked the winner bowed and replied 'Kakeru, Kashira'

Kyte clapped him on the back almost killing the recruit 'You will be a decent soldier woth that yari, alright! Next.' Tge sparring was mostly uneventful from there mostly circling and feints but no decisve winner, by then most recruits were bored and started jeering 'You call that a thrust?! My granny could do better!' To the dismay of the reciever of the jeers he would be the laughing stock if he lost.

Katsu was the last recruit to be chosen up with another recruit.

Katsu rustled up to his position and his opponent his Kyte signaled for the fight to begin and the circling started abd so too the jeers. Katsu appraised his opponent a slightly larger then average fellow with a scared expression on his face.

Katsu almost bad if he would win this. Katsu lunged foward and began with a series of thrusts that were suprisingly parried. Katsu was shoved back by his opponent like a doll and he was sent flying by the force behind the shove. Katsu landed on the dirt and rolled away from the incoming yari. Katsu stood up and saw on his opponent's face almost dissapointment.

This guy was trying to kill him! thought Katsu he knew he wouldn't beat the larger fellow in yari but he could try his chance at the katana. He threw down his yari and pulled out his katana so did his opponent. Katana in hand Katsu launched a barrage of blows on the larger man and all of his strikes denied by his opponents katana, thats when Katsu threw a punch and landed squarely on the man's jaw splattering blood on the grass.

'Hey! We just got the grounds cleaned!' Cried Kyte but the spar continued. Katsu's opponent recovered from the blow and stared at Katsu and for a moment Katsu thought killing intent filled the air around the guy.

The large man launched his response on Katsu with jaw jarring strikes turning his arm in to gelatin. Katsu bent down and sprung his trap, he picked up his discarded yari and lunged at his opponent's neck and stopped with the tip of steel at his throat.

'Alright, we are done here, all I wanted was stainless grass could've done that maybe? Well, I will summon the servants later to clear it up. Now you, whats your name.' Asked Kyte 'Katsu' squeaked Katsu 'Alright, you will be a decent fighter in time, you het a pay raise to 6 koku. Now.' As he adressed the recruits 'You boys will use your first payment to purchase any neccassary equipment. Weapons, food, and water will be provided by the daimyo and you will report back here tommorow.' Now off with all you.'

[Rex Anglorvm]

Nice training scene there

Rep+ for the update

[Shankbot de Bodemloze]

Good job my friend, you've provided a nice start and I'm looking forward to seeing your future updates.

+rep

[Derp Le Joker]

Thanks for the reviews, I would like some criticism for my work, I am far from good and have tripped up over grammar and spelling. Update should come up tonight.

[Derp Le Joker]

Chapter 3:Road to Kofu
Year of our Noble Lord 1554, May 5th
Kai Province, En Route to Kofu

The band of warriors from Hana Castle were marching en route to the city Kofu, it was the height of spring and all around (1) sakura and flora was blooming. The band consisted of two hundred ashigaru and twenty samurai, mustered by Yamamoto Kansuke to join the upcoming campaign in Shinano Province.

Katsu was marching on foot while his friend Sasaki was on horseback poking Katsu every now and then with his (2) yari. 'Will you stop that!?, I don't want my behind to be prodded by your damned stick!' Sasaki chuckled 'Alright, alright how about your head?' 'When you get off that horse you will know true pain.' Katsu muttered.

It has been a full day of marching since they had set off from Hana Castle with some brief respites along the way. They were to form up in Kofu by the end of the week and it was two days march from Hana Castle to Kofu.
Kyte the (3)Kashira of the soldiers had been leading the soldiers in a quick march and egging them on 'Come on you spineless women!' 'Pick your feet up!'. Katsu was cursing, if he had a horse he would run over Kyte first chance.

Kansuke was riding on a beautiful black stallion and wearing a full (4)o-yoroi armour. Kansuke was the lead strategist of the Takeda clan. Hailing from the Imagawa lands, a hated clan among many others, Kansuke still managed to rise from the rank's of the Takeda. He had a limp on his right leg which was gored by a boar in a hunt, he mostly used his horse for transportation and (5)naginata for support while walking. Gray had already come over Kansuke's hair and wrinkles became prominent on his face but with age comes wisdom.

Kyte then ordered a halt 'Alright men, it's late afternoon make camp here.' The company sighed in relief. Katsu set his pack down and began to set up a tent with a couple other soldiers. They had finished in a couple minutes and the workers split ways after the work was done. Katsu sat down and started to polish his (6)dou and (7)jingasa.
Night began to fall over the camp and Katsu went off looking for Sasaki. Then a muffled cry came from a distance. Katsu immediatley went on guard. He pointed his yari at the direction of the cry. The next thing he knew the feared war cry from all of Japan rang out 'Banzai!' Samurai and ahigaru spilled out from the dark and charged at the camp. Many of the soldiers never got to their weapon's and were cut down mercislessy.

Katsu charged giving his own war cry he ran through a ashigaru right through the man's (8)lamellar armour the ashigaru looked up at his killer, suprise and fear flashed on his face and then he went limp. Katsu then twisted his yari and pulled it out, blood gushed from the wound and the corpse fell over. By then flames began to engulf the camp and most of the soldiers were either killed or captured. Katsu ran to support his allies but was run over by a rampant horse. A ashigaru then walked over to Katsu and plunged his yari in to Katsu's dou and in to his flesh. The last image he saw was the camp burning and the death scream's of his allies. he thought to himself 'this is the raid all over again.' He blacked out.
..........
Katsu woke up to see that he was in some sort of sick bay. He searched his mind for what had happened. Katsu remembered the ambush! He then blacked out. Katsu had the nightmares again, the raid then the ambush. He regained conciousness and blacked out a couple seconds later.

Katsu woke up again. He had a small pain in his stomach and he departed from his bed and started to walk. He began to explore his surronding's he already knew it looked like a sick bay and he walked out into a hall clurching his stomach he walked from the hallway to a door. He oppened it and was led to huge field, it was filled with monks meditating.

The monks immediatly sprung in to action jumping from their meditating pose to a fighting pose. one of the monks obviously the leader looked up, he was a aged fellow with wrinkles everywhere. He looked at Katsu 'Our guest has awoken. Stand down brothers.' The monks sat back down staring at Katsu.

Katsu immediatly asking questions 'Where am I? Where is the company? Who are you?' The monk held up a hand and Katsu fell silent. 'You are in Heiyun monastary, we are a (9)sohei monks and I am Daiken head monk of the monastary.' Katsu looked at him his voice was seething with rage 'Why did you bring me here! I would never live with the grief from the destruction of my comapny! Why could'nt you let me die!' One of the monks jumped up and yelled 'Show some respect you peasent! That is our blessed sensei you are talking to!'

Daiken raised a hand and both went silent. 'We had found the remains of a camp while we were scouting for bandits and we found you lying on the ground wounded, we could not allow a wounded man die it is against our beliefs.'

Katsu's anger began to simmer 'Do you know who attacked us?' The aged monk replied 'Judging by the mon on the sashimono's of the dead it maybe a shinano lord.' Katsu cursed, the ambush was preemptive strike, The lord's of Shinano know of the coming invasion. 'Is there any other survivours? Like me?' 'No, they were all slaughtered your the only one, you have been blessed by Buddha himself.'

Sadness and angered washed over Katsu. 'Im going back to Hana Castle, that must be survivours they would've fleed to the castle.' Daiken shook his head 'No, you will not, you can't go in your condition.' 'Watch me.' Katsu began marching off from the field. Daiken gestured to the monks, the monks sprang up and grabbed their staffs. They ran to Katsu and surronded him pointing their staffs at Katsu.

'What are you going to do? Hit me? I thought monks would'nt hurt a fly?' Katsu coyed. 'We are the Sohei! We are warrior monks! We will stop you from leaving, even if it costs a few bruises.' Katsu than lashed out at the nearest monk. Throwing a wild punched at the monk the monk dodged it with ease and the other warrior monks began their attack.

All as one the monks brought down their staffs on Kastu and he was brought down to his knee's from the force of the blows. Daiken asked 'Want to leave now?' Katsu spat on the floor 'Goddamnit.'

Katsu was then dragged uncermoniously to his bed in the sickbay. Cursing all of the monks and all the gods he could think of for their cruelty.

Katsu was alone just like eight years ago when he lost his only piece of his family, his mother.

Dummy's guide to feudal Japan
(1) Japanese for cherry blossom
(2) A spear-like weapon which is a blade called a nihonto attached to a pole. It was most commobly used from the 13th century to the 18th century.
(3) Kashira can most commonly compared to a captain, they usually comanded around 150 men
(4) One of the most commonly used early samurai armour, it is translated in to 'great armour'.
(5) It is a variation of the yari and can be compared to the Chinese guang dao and the European glaive.
(6) Japanese metal curaiss
(7) Conical hat, commonly laquered with leather or iron.
(8) Lamenllar is armour consisted of small triangular pieces of metal or leather.
(9) The sohei sect of Buddhism is consisted of warrior monks who had a strong resentment for the samurai during the feudal era of Japan.

[Rex Anglorvm]

An enjoyable update, if I can find the time I will give a little more of a critique of the tale so far

Rep+

[Agent Miles]

Words are the soul of a writer no less than a katana is the soul of a samurai.

First some basic points. For a story to flow, you should have and maintain one point of view. If the story is told from the point of view of Katsu, then you cannot tell the reader what someone else is thinking. You must show what Katsu perceives the others are thinking.
"Some of the recruits had experience with the bow and had already understood the distance of the target and the arc of the arrow."
Katsu just met these people. How would he know this? Instead:
"Katsu saw that only a few of the arrows struck the targets. He glanced over and watched the skill that some of the boys dispalyed and figured that they had held a bow before."
Show what is happening, don't tell the reader what is happening. This keeps the reader's interest.

Vary your sentence structure. Don't fall into a rut of noun-verb-completion.
"Katsu was running..." "The meal was..." "The samurai approached..."
Just as a smith forms metal into just the right piece for what he is making, you must "smith" what you are writing to get the right passage.

You mention "Katsu" five times in your opening. Introduce the character by name and then use descriptive phrases to tell the reader a little about him. "The tall, young boy was the peasant son of a peasant's son" or "the father of the unfortunate waif was slain in battle."

The two introduction paragraphs belong in a prologue or should be dropped. Start the story with a sentence that captures the reader's attention.
"The only love that Katsu had ever known was for his mother, Inoue."
Continue to do this with the first sentence of each chapter. End a chapter with what is called a "hook". This is a phrase or passage that makes the reader want to turn the page and keep going.
"Katsu knealt in the ashes of his house and swore on his mother's soul that her death will be avenged."

If you write in English and use foreign words or phrases then these should be in italics. Either describe what these words mean as part of the story, "the long steel blade of the Katana" or have them listed in alphabetical order in a glossary. Under no circumstances should you insult your reader with a "dummy's guide".

No one wants to drive down a road with a hundred potholes and no one wants to read a story with a hundred typos. Enough about that.
　
Writer's traps exist when you put something in your story that doesn't add up. The reader should not have to figure out your mistakes.
-You told the reader that peasants only have one name. Katsu is training with a group you describe as peasants. One peasant distinguishes himself and tells Kyte his name is 'Kakeru, Kashira'. Why does this peasant have a full name?
-Katsu wants to avenge his mother's death. He volunteers to be an ashigaru at the age of eighteen. You describe how this is possible, because boys can join as early as sixteen. So, why did Katsu wait two whole years?

You tell us bluntly that Katsu is the protagonist. Show us that he is the hero. When his mother is slain, have him throw the bowl of rice in the face of his mother's murderer so that he can escape. Show him practicing with Sasaki in the use of the katana and yari and not just the quill. Heroes should act in heroic fashion.That is how the reader comes to know them. Good luck!

[Derp Le Joker]

Thank you very much Miles. am completly aware of the typos, its just that I dont really do much of the grammar checking and spelling etc. I also really need to work on the description too, not just repeating katsu. The 'Dummy's Guide' was a reference to the series of instructional books (love them). When he said Kakeru that was his name but he adressed Kyte as Kashira (his rank). I also need to use some sort of fancy italics and such too. Overall that was an amazing critique review, (my proffesors could'nt do any better) this will help me a lot, thanks.

[Agent Miles]

You are most welcome! I also gave you a point of rep.

[Shankbot de Bodemloze]

Agent Miles has hit the nail on the head with his post.

I'll look forward to reading your next update.

[Derp Le Joker]

Its been a month since I had posted, my excuse for it is that I have been tied down and getting all my things together for college and I have been developing a new story (Hint: Its about China) a new chapter should be posted by tonight, sorry for the wait.

[Derp Le Joker]

Chapter 4: Nobu
Year of our Noble Lord 1554, May 20th
Heiyun Monastery, Kai Province

Katsu grudgingly has been taking all medicine and herbal tea he could consume to quicken the pace of his recovery. His wound had stopped throbbing and there was only a dull pain when touched. The nuns had been attending to him and swooning over him all day. They have tried to treat the bruises from the incident that had occurred yesterday.

The Heiyun monastery is a considered small compared to major monasteries near Kyoto. Daiken had traveled from the huge monasteries to build a new monastery in Kai to convert the populace. Daiken was at the age of sixty seven, he had founded the temple twenty two years ago, dedicating his life to buddhism and defending the temple, he commanded much respect among his followers.

Katsu was contemplating about escaping from the monastery, or suicide, but he dismissed it in curiosity for what the temple had to offer. Daiken then entered the sick bay. He spoke 'Accept my apologies for what has happened yesterday.’ Katsu was one who would not hold grudges, but he had a small feeling inside of him that resented the aged monk.

'You have your reasons I have mine. Although I have a bit of anger towards you, apologies accepted.' Katsu replied. Daiken nodded smiling 'Katsu, we the sohei train all our live's dedicated to protecting our temples and achieving (1) zen. But we must follow the principles of our religion.' Katsu nodded and asked 'Can I go outdoors for a while, (2) zasu?' The wrinkles on Daiken's face creased. Katsu leaned in staring in to Daiken's face for an answer. Daiken sighed 'Alright, I can't keep you here forever.' Katsu's dark eyes lighted up. 'Don't make me regret it.' Katsu stood up and bowed 'You won't'

Katsu ran out of the sick bay and into fields of the monastery. Katsu breathed in the sweet air of spring and exhaled. The young adult's stretched out his body frame across the grass, Katsu has never been quite comfortable stuck indoors, he was much more satisfied working in rice paddies instead of sitting idle in a room.

He noticed a small group of monks training with naginatas and yari. Katsu ran towards the group to examine the techniques of the renowned sohei, when he reached the group the monks looked at him skeptically and handled their weapons uneasily. A short and ancient man walked up to Katsu and asked 'Who are you? My apologies, for my sight isn't what it used to be.' 'Katsu, you may not know me.' 'Ah, the one who got his bottom whooped by some Shinano boys, then proceeded to go against our hospitality and rebel? That Katsu?' Katsu was speechless and began to glow red with anger. 'I guess i'm right on the mark? And by Bishamonten’s beard I can see you blushing even though i'm half blind!' Katsu began to seethe with anger and retorted 'Listen, I didn't want to survive that damned ambush, I still contemplate seppuku, I bet you haven't been in battle in your life!' The old man stared at Katsu "I served in the Takeda army too long to hear from a boy who has not even been in a true battle! I served 32 years in service in the Takeda clan, believe me I lost my whole youth serving those damned samurai! I deserted the Takeda and found salvation in the arms of Daiken. Don't play around with me boy." Katsu gulped, this old man might not seem like much but if he spent 32 years in service he must have lost his friends too, he reluctantly replied "Forgive me for my behaviour sir." "Next time show me some more respect boy." The old man then turned around and began to direct the monks again. Katsu began to observe the students in training, 'Mind if I watch this sir?' The old man glanced over at Katsu 'You can watch, but not a sound.'

Katsu was amazed by the smoothness and technique the monks practiced, the techniques he was taught at Hana Castle was slow and clumsy compared to the quick, agile, sohei technique. He gaped at the lightning fast strikes, a (3) ban of ashigaru would be decimated by these monks in a moments notice. The air was cut by the slashes and stabs of the naginata’s and yari’s singing a song of death. Katsu couldn't hold it in anymore he went on his knees and bowed his head down and pleaded “Please, take me on as your student, sir!” The old man glanced behind him “Call me Nobu, I haven't had a argument in ages, you have good fiery spirit, but you must put out that fire to train under me, go to Daiken, he will tell you how to calm the spirit.”

Katsu obeyed and walked away grinning, he would learn the sohei techniques and then vent all of his anger on the Shinano soldiers that took away his friend.

(1) Zen is a branch of Buddhism developed in 6th century China, it spread to Japn during the 12th century.

(2) Zasu is a religious position in Zen Buddhism.

(3) Ban can be considered a division or regiment in feudal Japan.

[Rex Anglorvm]

Ah so it seems that young Katsu may have found a teacher that can train in the true meaning of 'martial arts'

great little chapter

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