I wrote a poem about multiculturalism (need help)

[Der Phönix]

So, I wrote a poem about multiculturalism. Tell me what you think

I would be greatful if a native english speaker could help me improve the language and/or tell me about language fails. I may publish it.

+1 rep for contributions.

Reflections on the great change


Many among you think Europe by now has become multicultural. How foolish. Maybe it is your racist alter ego that makes you cling to such perverted forms of denialisms. To you, my mother Europe, more change is needed. To the old European, the great multicultural revolution has just cast itself upon you!

The history of the now dying European was one of war, oppression and domination. His reign of hate had to end. While we love, they hate. We liberate and they dominate. We want peace. They want war.

Multiculturalism is the epitome of peace. The multicultural rapture, in which before long is Europe, will bestow her with peace. There will be peace for a thousand years! No more conflict. No more war. No more evil.

The adonis that is the new multicultural man will emerge from the yoke that once was a Europe of monocracy. He is the manifestation of progress from a more primitive being of humans. He shall replace an inbred being of nepotism, corrupted by the construction of his own missmeasured essence. The man of the future will by his rejection of the European essence constitute a higher type, or if you please, a superhuman. Homo multiculturalis will leave the old European man subpar, for he will be more human than him.

Out of multiculturalism, a new class of children will rise. These are children of the rainbow, united by their diverseness from the sick European man. They are brave, new and they shall rule the world. The multicultural children will be embraced. They will be embraced because they will enrich the old Europeans.

Among them, there will be those whom will resist. They hate our children. Though let us not pretend this was not expected from a hatebreed. All lousy beings hold their privileges dear to their hearts. The wretched European is no exception. But his time is limited. The clock of the extremist partisan is ticking away. And the longer he hides his hegemonic flame, the more certain is his debellatio.

Unlike them, we are kind. Was it not us whom put the decision in his hands? The great change will be one of blood and iron, or one of peace and harmony. He shall decide. The multicultural transformation is nonviolent as long as the barbarous Europan chooses not to make it otherwise. Let him prove that not only his entire being was arbitrary, but also his hatred of othering. May that be the last of his deeds before he is enriched out of history.

I cannot wait for Europe to finally become multicultural.


Der Phönix - Fredrik E

[removeduser_4536284751384]

Well, I guess you could start by explaining what you mean by multiculturalism in this context?

[Der Phönix]

Well, I guess you could start by explaining what you mean by multiculturalism in this context?

I guess it does not really matter in this context. I'm kind of a devil's advocate, and speaking of the term as if I were a fanatical supporter of it. It is meant to be vague and abstract, almost propagandaish.

[Scruff Dog]

Pat Condell is a big fan of multiculturalism.



I suppose the argument is that everyone in Western society ought to accept Western values and get along together without any segregation.

[Der Phönix]

I know it's a hot topic but, I'm not looking for a discussion on multiculturalism guys. I'm not a native english speaker so I would be very happy to have some advice regarding the language. Trying to make it sound epic

[Treize]

Multiculturalism leads to war.


Long live nationstates!

[LWT]

Well, I guess you could start by explaining what you mean by multiculturalism in this context?

In Europe, racists on the far right often set up a strawman like this (the people who are for multiculturalism, are in fact against us, they are traitors etc. etc.). A country is multicultural, in this context, when black people are allowed to live in it when not copying the norm (i.e. a country is multicultural when black people can take off their inside their home without being mocked upon). It should be noted that it's highly controversial to call racists racist, as it makes you look like if you're politically correct.

[Loger]

Multiculturalism leads to war.


Long live nationstates!

Nationstates lead to war.

Long live multiculturalism!

See what I did there?

[Legio]

Moved to Creative Writing.

[Der Phönix]

In Europe, racists on the far right often set up a strawman like this (the people who are for multiculturalism, are in fact against us, they are traitors etc. etc.). A country is multicultural, in this context, when black people are allowed to live in it when not copying the norm (i.e. a country is multicultural when black people can take off their inside their home without being mocked upon). It should be noted that it's highly controversial to call racists racist, as it makes you look like if you're politically correct.

Well, you have to bear in mind that people on the far left often are opposed to "us", or the in-group if you want.

[LWT]

Well, you have to bear in mind that people on the far left often are opposed to "us", or the in-group if you want.

You have to bear in mind that people on the moderate right are also opposed to 'you'.

[Der Phönix]

You have to bear in mind that people on the moderate right are also opposed to 'you'.

Define 'you'

[Arbitrary Crusader]

So, I wrote a poem about multiculturalism. Tell me what you think

I would be greatful if a native english speaker could help me improve the language and/or tell me about language fails. I may publish it.

Reflections on the great change


Many among you think Europe by now has become multicultural. How foolish. Maybe it is your racist alter ego that makes you cling to such perverted forms of denialisms. To you, my mother Europe, more change is needed. To the old European, the great multicultural revolution has just cast itself upon you!

The history of the now dying European was one of war, oppression and domination. His reign of hate had to end. While we love, they hate. We liberate and they dominate. We want peace. They want war.

Multiculturalism is the epitome of peace. The multicultural rapture, in which before long is Europe, will bestow her with peace. There will be peace for a thousand years! No more conflict. No more war. No more evil.

The adonis that is the new multicultural man will emerge from the yoke that once was a Europe of monocracy. He is the manifestation of progress from a more primitive being of humans. He shall replace an inbred being of nepotism, corrupted by the construction of his own missmeasured essence. The man of the future will by his rejection of the European essence constitute a higher type, or if you please, a superhuman. Homo multiculturalis will leave the old European man subpar, for he will be more human than him.

Out of multiculturalism, a new class of children will rise. These are children of the rainbow, united by their diverseness from the sick European man. They are brave, new and they shall rule the world. The multicultural children will be embraced. They will be embraced because they will enrich the old Europeans.

Among them, there will be those whom will resist. They hate our children. Though let us not pretend this was not expected from a hatebreed. All lousy beings hold their privileges dear to their hearts. The wretched European is no exception. But his time is limited. The clock of the extremist partisan is ticking away. And the longer he hides his hegemonic flame, the more certain is his debellatio.

Unlike them, we are kind. Was it not us whom put the decision in his hands? The great change will be one of blood and iron, or one of peace and harmony. He shall decide. The multicultural transformation is nonviolent as long as the barbarous Europan chooses not to make it otherwise. Let him prove that not only his entire being was arbitrary, but also his hatred of othering. May that be the last of his deeds before he is enriched out of history.

I cannot wait for Europe to finally become multicultural.


Der Phönix - Fredrik E

I had made a more detail corrections before, but the site glitch and lost my post.

So, in short: Capitalize each word in the title.

Reflections On The Great Change

Few spelling mistakes:
missmeasured
multiculturalisM
Europan = European

That all of what I could get from just skimming though it.

But, if I remember correctly, the first time reading this, you had a few punctuation mistakes like comma splice and missing verb.

I must say, even though it is your poem, I would not add the word, "you" into the mix. Since, it can confuse the readers at time.

Overall: Pretty good in the grammar department.

[Der Phönix]

I had made a more detail corrections before, but the site glitch and lost my post.

So, in short: Capitalize each word in the title.

Reflections On The Great Change

Few spelling mistakes:
missmeasured
multiculturalisM
Europan = European

That all of what I could get from just skimming though it.

But, if I remember correctly, the first time reading this, you had a few punctuation mistakes like comma splice and missing verb.

I must say, even though it is your poem, I would not add the word, "you" into the mix. Since, it can confuse the readers at time.

Overall: Pretty good in the grammar department.

Thanks alot! Finally someone who took the time

I added you as to speaking directly to the reader. Are all the "yous" confusing?

As for the multiculturalis, I tried to make sound latin :p. Kind of similar to homo sovieticus. I may have failed.

Are these two sentences ok?:

"Among them, there will be those whom will resist."

"Was it not us whom put the decision in his hands?"

I'm a bit unsure about the "whom" form.

And what is the better between these two expressions?:

1. the great multicultural revolution has just cast itself upon you!

2. the great multicultural revolution just cast itself upon you!

[Arbitrary Crusader]

Originally Posted by Der Phönix
Thanks alot! Finally someone who took the time
I added you as to speaking directly to the reader. Are all the "yous" confusing?

If this was an essay, "you" would NEVER be excepted. Unless it's a quote or process essay. But, yes, it can be confusing at time.

If you insist, you MUST be VERY clear that, "you" refer to the reader.

Personally, I would had replaced, "you" with "them/people/his or her/one/ the reader."

Example:

Many people think Europe by now has become multicultural. How foolish. Maybe it is their racist alter ego that makes them cling to such perverted forms of denialisms. To her( This is confusing here because "you" means Europe, not the reader or readers) , my mother Europe, more change is needed. To the old European, the great multicultural revolution has just cast itself upon them!

Remember, one must NOT make the readers pause in confusion. Especially, if you want, the story/poem to be powerful or perfect without rewriting.

As for the multiculturalis, I tried to make sound latin :p. Kind of similar to homo sovieticus. I may have failed.

For me, you did. You could rewrite or explain or leave it.

Are these two sentences ok?:

"Among them, there will be those( the subject) whom will resist."

"Was it not us whom put the decision in his hands?"

I'm a bit unsure about the "whom" form.

"Whom" is never the subject. It is meant for objective.

And what is the better between these two expressions?:

1. the great multicultural revolution has just cast itself upon you!

2. the great multicultural revolution just cast itself upon you!

First sentence.

[CrayonVonCaesar]

Is this a piss-take? I sincerely, sincerely hope so.

[Der Phönix]

Thank you ArbitraryCrusader

Is this a piss-take? I sincerely, sincerely hope so.

If you by piss-take mean parody, the answer would be yes. European whites is pretty much the only group of people you can say these things about, without being accused for hate speech.