View Poll Results: Story continues?

Voters
3. You may not vote on this poll
  • Yes this story should continue!!!

    3 100.00%
  • No bin the story.

    0 0%
Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1 2 3 4 LastLast
Results 21 to 40 of 74

Thread: Crowning of The Lion

  1. #21
    Shankbot de Bodemloze's Avatar From the Writers Study!
    Curator

    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Midlands, UK
    Posts
    9,774

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    A bit of a sudden ending, but RL comes first (well... )

    Looking forward to the next 'proper' update One thing though - could you watch your 'i's, shouldn't they be 'I's. Sorry for being picky

    Keep it up!

  2. #22
    KingofRome's Avatar Sukauto
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    62

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    Thanks yeah I have been busy playing Kotor 2 and holiday. I have been caught up with ideas and school. lol. Ill will edit it so the whole chapter will be in that post.
    Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer. ~ Barbara Kingsolver

    The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~ Ana´s Nin

  3. #23
    KingofRome's Avatar Sukauto
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    62

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    And this isnt dead thanks god I have a lot to go on this story
    Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer. ~ Barbara Kingsolver

    The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~ Ana´s Nin

  4. #24
    Shankbot de Bodemloze's Avatar From the Writers Study!
    Curator

    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Midlands, UK
    Posts
    9,774

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    Quote Originally Posted by KingofRome View Post
    Thanks yeah I have been busy playing Kotor 2 and holiday. I have been caught up with ideas and school. lol. Ill will edit it so the whole chapter will be in that post.
    I'll forgive you for the holiday, but school!

    Quote Originally Posted by KingofRome View Post
    And this isnt dead thanks god I have a lot to go on this story
    Glad to here it

  5. #25
    KingofRome's Avatar Sukauto
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    62

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    I know lol
    Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer. ~ Barbara Kingsolver

    The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~ Ana´s Nin

  6. #26
    KingofRome's Avatar Sukauto
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    62

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    Ive been away to long. Sadly this story will have to be on hold for a couple of weeks. got a boat load of homework. I love this story lol and i aint quiting it!!!!!!
    Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer. ~ Barbara Kingsolver

    The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~ Ana´s Nin

  7. #27
    Shankbot de Bodemloze's Avatar From the Writers Study!
    Curator

    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Midlands, UK
    Posts
    9,774

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    I see you too have met the ****** that is RL Constantly takes up my time as well

    Enjoy your h/w and I'm eagerly awaiting the update mate

  8. #28
    KingofRome's Avatar Sukauto
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    62

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    Well its here. Its back Im back in business who give bout RL lol im writing!!!!

    This chapter will set the stage for a vote!!! Ill give you the vote after this update.

    CHAPTER 4 PART 2


    I kneeled before the king the thoughts racing through my mind as i predicted the possible Kale was as emotionless his face was.....unreadable.

    The thoughts on the ship came back to me exiled.......killed..... what would happen? Imprisonment? I could not say...

    Finally the King spoke.

    Kale what is the report? Is Caen still ours have you returned?......The word rolled off his tung with a hiss

    My Liege he said. I have failed you. There were to many the garrison was not adequately trained to defend Caen the knights were strong enough to give us time to help he citizens escape....

    The Kings eyes bulged the room fell silent not a breath was heard.

    You. You failed me. Such a simple task and you fail fail me? The King boomed. My brother was a fool to have faith in your abilities you are a disgrace Kale Bendante you are a disgrace to my Kingdom to let such a strategic point fall. You were never a Knight of the crown.....

    Kale who was normally so calm. Leapt up

    This is YOUR Kingdom he bellowed this is your disgrace not mine. You gave me a task for which even the best General could not pull off you gave the order for your men to die. Think of there families there friends think of what this battle has cost you? And it has cost you dearly many brave men have died for you. This battle was not worth it you everyone knew it. This is your disg-

    GUARDS the King bellowed Kill this filthy abomination and the boy let them rue the day they came to my court and disobeyed me The King of England shall rule.

    I looked around frightened. I was but a boy again these were not raw recruits these were the trained and famed Kings guard. I drew my sword all the same ready to meet death as it charged at me. Just as the Kings guard drew there swords there was a 'hiss' and men charged out killing the Kings guard is all i saw these men were hacking and slashing with the deadliness and grace of a viper. There swords moving so fast the Kings guard had no time to react. Within a few seconds the guards were dead. Kale grabbed him and shoved him toward the hatch the men that had killed the kings guard followed swords raised surrounding me and Kale. They seemed to be protecting us but why?

    What was going on? Who are They. The Kings guard dead? To who? They were fabled to be undefeatable. To much to take in i looked around me as my world went back i could feel Kale lurch to catch me as i fell as the darkness filled my eyes........

    I woke on a stone slab though it had silks and pillows that softened it considerable. Kale was siting by my slab so were to Guards. The symbol that was embolden on the chain male was a Crown with glintterieng Rubies and shining Diamonds. Kale i said what......What happened?

    He looked at me heart stricken his face full of fear.
    Santarius there is to much to explain. So i will put it short. The King, King Richard he was....Your father....

    At that point i dripped back to sleep thinking i must have taken a knock to the head...

    Santarius...Santarius. Kales voice was soft but rushed wake up.

    I woke. Ahhgghh i said.

    Kale i said i dreamt that you said my father was the old King Richard.

    Santarius i will explain all this later for the time being trust in me and yourself. Follow me.
    I got up and followed. Kale lead me through dark corridors lighted by faint torches. Finally he lead me into a gigantic hall where exactly to hundred men stood right arm crossed over the heart in a salute. Kale stood in front of them all.

    Santarius you heard e right. Your father was King Richard. You know the story of how he died. Your mother was in Labor at the time she died giving birth to you. King Henry is not fit to lead we have protected you ever since you were a baby. At Caen you were supposed to be escorted at all times by at least twenty of us but there were some problems....

    Now My Liege it is time for you to take your vows as King......

    Santarius looked horror struck a King? NO this could not be he was not a man for paper work and decision making he was a man of action cunning and the blade.

    WHAT he boomed. I am NO King whatever my heritage.

    My Liege a man spoke up. You don't have much choice......

    Santarius was heart stricken and intrigued. What are the vows? he asked?

    Repeat after me Kale said.

    I vow....to protect my Kingdom
    I vow....to fight for my people
    i vow....to give justice where it is due

    I repeated every one.

    Every man including Kale kneeled before me. The men Bellowed...

    Long live the King
    Long Live the King
    LONG LIVE THE KING
    Last edited by KingofRome; May 02, 2012 at 02:29 PM.
    Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer. ~ Barbara Kingsolver

    The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~ Ana´s Nin

  9. #29
    KingofRome's Avatar Sukauto
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    62

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    So what should happen next?

    1. Should King Santarius mass a army and take the fight to the King? preparing b gathering contacts and hiring sellswords?

    2. Should he sit and wait? Let King Henry bring the fight to him?

    These are two choices i came up with lol. Have any choices? Lets here them!!!!!
    Last edited by KingofRome; May 01, 2012 at 12:19 AM.
    Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer. ~ Barbara Kingsolver

    The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~ Ana´s Nin

  10. #30
    Shankbot de Bodemloze's Avatar From the Writers Study!
    Curator

    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Midlands, UK
    Posts
    9,774

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    1.) Will make for more bloodshed

    Great update, although (and I hate doing these things):

    This is YOURE Kingdom
    Your?

    and isn't 'un defeat able' all one word?

    Sorry to point them out

    Keep it up the great work mate, I'll look forward to seeing what Kale will do next

  11. #31
    KingofRome's Avatar Sukauto
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    62

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    Thanks!!! yes it was your. When i was doing the undefeatable my computer said it wasn't correct. Ill fix it all now!!!

    EDIT. For the voting post i meant King Santarius but i was thinking of what Kale would do next so... i meant Santarius mass a army.
    Last edited by KingofRome; May 01, 2012 at 12:20 AM.
    Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer. ~ Barbara Kingsolver

    The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~ Ana´s Nin

  12. #32
    KingofRome's Avatar Sukauto
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    62

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    Ok The next update will come out tonight!!!!
    Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer. ~ Barbara Kingsolver

    The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~ Ana´s Nin

  13. #33
    KingofRome's Avatar Sukauto
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    62

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    Kings Throne room (minutes after Santarius's escape)

    His adviser babbled on. Sir due to late events i suggest it would be best to strenghthen the defenses to the south instaed of hunting this boy...

    IDIOT he bellowed do as i command or i will have your head!!!

    Captain double the Guards no one is to leave or enter the city without my command.

    Of course Sire Captain Joseph Dane replied

    Leave me he commanded

    The room filled with moving feet as they shuffled out of the room afraid to wake the Kings wrath.

    Thoughts going through his head as he pondered on how to solve this situation.

    Santarius that damed boy! He is to young to play in a mans world.
    Who were those knights? The men that decimated his famed Kings Guard?
    Santarius was he knew his brothers son. He had the same determination as his brother. How he hated the man even on his death bed did he despise his brother.

    Kale that filthy traitor. A task that he had hoped to kill Kale and the boy while destroying the french army. He had gotten neither!

    How do you kill a man? You cut off the legs that support it you cut off the arms and you burn the eyes and ears and then finally you cut off the head.....

    ------------------------------
    Knights of the Crown lair.

    What is the plan my voice rose up above the others. What do we do now?
    Milics voice ran high above the others soft and calm.
    That has already been aranged My king.

    Milic took out a map and unrolled it on the table in front of him.

    We must get you out of the city. We have....allies which are willing to fight for and with you My King. There is much chaos within the Kings Barrons but the King...refuses to listen and a man that refuses to listen is already deaf weather he knows it or not....

    We have decide that Kale will be your escort to the gate outside the main gate there will be eighteen more men that will escort you. But you will have to be cloaked you must not be discovered until you reach the gate. Once your reach the gate the men will kill the guards and escort you along the road until you meet up with us we will have fresh horses available. Once you get to us we will go to the docks there will be three ships waiting for us. Assusted with the Kings Shadow Cloaks we should easily take control of the docks.

    That is a sound plan for the moment i said i could feel Kale's eyes on me. It seems that within one night i had turned from boy to man.

    But who are the shadow cloaks?

    They are the Kings spies and assassins but they make brilliant protectors as well.

    The Kings spies and assassins? Isnt that who we are fighting?

    Yes my King but i meant they are Your Shadow Cloaks they have taken vows of the same kind as Knights just with diffierent words.

    I was uneasy this was risking much and not just my life but Kale's to and the men that are here to protect me...

    Come now Kale said we must make haste i want to be rideing for the docks by sun down...
    Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer. ~ Barbara Kingsolver

    The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~ Ana´s Nin

  14. #34
    Shankbot de Bodemloze's Avatar From the Writers Study!
    Curator

    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Midlands, UK
    Posts
    9,774

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    I have a feeling everything is about to kick off

    Although, I hate to be a moaner, but some distinction between dialogue and narrative would be great - even if the speech is in italics or something

    Keep up the good work mate

    EDIT: I've put all the Chapter 2's into one post, with links to it in the old post If it's not how you envisioned I change it back for you - just let me know

    One thing I noticed is you go from 'Chapter 2 part whatever' (5) then straight to 'Chapter 4'

  15. #35
    KingofRome's Avatar Sukauto
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    62

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    Yea Sure ill Put it in Italics!!!!! Thanks ill check it now!! Ok ill edit it.
    Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer. ~ Barbara Kingsolver

    The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~ Ana´s Nin

  16. #36
    KingofRome's Avatar Sukauto
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    62

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    continuing from last time...

    The sun beat down on us as we walked through the beggar filled streets. Hoods up and cloaks flailing behind us we made our way to the gates. I looked around these people poor the King rich. These people were dying of thirst and starvation of diseases of everything. He promised himself that when he came back here with a army at his feet and allies at his side he would take London and free it. Free it from its endless despair like a true King would...Like his father.

    He stopped suddenly he felt uneasy as he looked at the two men that guarded the gate. He looked behind it and caught a glimpse of armor weather though it was one of his men or a patrol he couldn't say...

    Santarius Kale whispered we must keep moving... Hurry he urged.

    So they did.

    When they walked to the gate a voice rang out Santarius could already tell it was the Captain of the Watch.

    Seize them in the name of the King. The sound of steel ringing as he swords flew from there scabbards filled the air. Kale drew his own sword and Yelled Knights of the Crown protect the King. Behind the Gate was the sound of running feet. And then the screams of the two guards behind them as the swords ripped into them.

    The men formed a line Kale directly in front of Santarius. he heard Kale say to the men. There are to many of them we will have to make a break for it. One man replied back

    we dont have a chance to run now here charging us.

    Kale looked forward and Yelled for the Crown!! He and the men rushed forwards meeting the watch with steel of there won...

    Kale charged forward and looked at a man as he swung his blade up to parry the mans blow. Kale swerved the man round and stabbed him through the back. The blood seeped from the wound and made his blade shine red. he sliced his sword out and swirled taking another Watches head. He looked around him and found Santarius who was FIGHTING. A rush of fear over took Kale as he saw the man looming over Santarius. The man bought his blade down Santarius parried and stepped to the side and swung his blade swiftly and effectively as it cut into the mans thigh he the twirled to the other side and stabbed through the mans arm pit skewing the mans Heart and lungs. Santarius slid the blade out as the man sand to his knees.

    Kale witnessed as Santarius slid the blade out as the man sank to his knees Santarius then loped off his head as to end his suffering...

    Gotta end it there for the moment ill edit it in later!!!!
    Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer. ~ Barbara Kingsolver

    The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~ Ana´s Nin

  17. #37
    Shankbot de Bodemloze's Avatar From the Writers Study!
    Curator

    Join Date
    Dec 2011
    Location
    Midlands, UK
    Posts
    9,774

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    A short but sweet update mate

    I wonder what effects this will have The last things we need is panic on the streets of London

  18. #38
    KingofRome's Avatar Sukauto
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    62

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    haha It was short yes and meant to add the rest in and didnt have time ill add it tomorow afternoon. Around 4.00 my time
    Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer. ~ Barbara Kingsolver

    The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~ Ana´s Nin

  19. #39
    Boustrophedon's Avatar Grote Smurf
    Citizen

    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Location
    Rome, Italy
    Posts
    3,162

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    I liked it your spelling and punctuation have improved as well

  20. #40
    KingofRome's Avatar Sukauto
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Posts
    62

    Default Re: A Bards Tale....

    Thanks Boustrophedon!!! Always good to get good comments

    Oh and guys the next update will either be sometime today or Wednesday this week!!!!
    Don't try to figure out what other people want to hear from you; figure out what you have to say. It's the one and only thing you have to offer. ~ Barbara Kingsolver

    The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say. ~ Ana´s Nin

Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1 2 3 4 LastLast

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •