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Thread: A semi-fictional story.

  1. #1

    Default A semi-fictional story.

    Hey this is NOT a lore accurate story just a fun interesting story I made. Also I'm not english so I will certainly make spelling errors or other types of errors. Just tell me and I'll gladly amend to that.

    ONCE AGAIN ITS NOT LORE ACCURATE JUST ME making a random story that is Lord of the Rings and fun.

    Tell me feedback and if you want me to continue with the other chapters or not. Tell me the truth, I just do this for fun so you won't offense me.

    _____________________________________________________________________________________
    Chapter 1 : The Stewards of Minas Tirith
    It was by a sunny and clear morning that the guard was standing still at the very top of the famous wall of Minas Tirith. The Otram was a long big wall that proudly encircled and protected the city. It saved its inhabitants more than once in tragic situations but these were contagious times of laziness where men and women, princes and leaders, farmers and merchants weren't motivated to do their usual tasks it resulted in an awkward stagnation throughout the kingdom. The guard didn't felt pride when he was appointed as a ''Watchman of the Wall''; he simply accepted the task for the higher salary he would get. That title means great responsibility and in the times of the great kings, such duty was accomplished with pride and dignity, discipline and honour.
    After the victory of ''The Last Alliance'', the defeat of the Mordor armies, the once terror became past. But at what cost? The King of Gondor was assassinated and his son fled the kingdom and was soon forgotten. A line of noblemen, called the Stewards of Gondor, took control of the kingdom. To avoid usurpation of the throne, they all sworn, as written in the documents of succession, that when the king of Gondor returns, they shall renounce the throne and bow to the new king. The Stewards were not evil men, but when they became the lords of Gondor, they weren't able to bring prosperous times to the land and the kingdom slowly stagnated.
    The current Steward of Gondor, Echtelion the first, an old man dressed in a luxurious dress made of the rarest materials, was a man of honour and pride rather than a strategic and tactical commander. He preferred to oversee the kingdom rather than leading an army during battle. His son Denethor the second was the current captain and commander of the Gondorian armies. But the band of carelessly trained men he commanded was a fraction of the once powerful Gondorian army that defeated the Mordor host at the ''Battle of the Last Alliance''. Denethor was a man of adventure and he enjoyed his task even thought he didn't had the chance to prove himself in battle if it wasn't for some small skirmishes with bandits on the western borders of the kingdom which were easily won.

    Chapter 2 : Dark Lord re-awakening
    However, something uncommon happened during Echtelion's rule, that will shake the very tranquility of Gondor: the forgotten orc forces of Mordor lurked out of their dark lairs once again eager for vengeance and domination of Middle Earth...
    The orcs reconstructed their Dark Lord's fortress of Barad-dur and set foot on the Black Gate of Mordor and the Tower of Minas Ithil who is now named Minas Morgul also known as the tower of sorcery. It is said a dark sorcerer named Witch-King now made it his home and expands his dark influence throughout the land. With the Dark Lord Sauron physically slain and his mind looking over Middle-Earth from atop Barad-dur, the Witch-king now leads the newly raised and organised armies of Mordor into war.
    Armies of Mordor are now attacking the lands East of the Great River Anduin. Hundreds of orcs now roam the lands called Ithilien. However, they encounter there some resistance...

  2. #2

    Default Re: A semi-fictional story.

    Also I'll add a little preview of the awesome third chapter; this is the speech of Duros(you'll find out later who he is)


    --I have assembled all of you here because I have an important decision that is not mine to take. As you may have heard Mordor sent 5000 orcs led by a nazgūl and they are now entering our forests. It is a huge army and our leader Echtelion seems to have abandoned us along with Ithilien. I see looking at me 1700 brave men, but what is the limit of bravery? Madness? I think so, but what I am certain is that these creatures want to disrupt our way of life, to take away our freedom and to use our forests as they will. Are we, the men of Ithilien, going to fall back and let our forests burn without fighting? Are we going to abandon bravery, that was for so long our code of honour and retreat? Without a fight? Without a chance to defend our way of life? Tell me! Are we such men?

  3. #3

    Default Re: A semi-fictional story.

    Also I'll certainly rework the first chapter because I feel there is need for more interesting information.

  4. #4

    Default Re: A semi-fictional story.

    69 views and no one gave feedback...

  5. #5
    StealthFox's Avatar Consensus Achieved
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    Default Re: A semi-fictional story.

    Overall it's pretty good. There are some mistakes in your English, so I've made a few suggestions/comments below. The main thing I would suggest it to try to avoid being overly wordy. This is really an advanced technique and for the most part your general English, grammar, and sentence structure is quite good.

    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Chapter 1 : The Stewards of Minas Tirith
    It was by a sunny and clear morning. thatThe guards were standing still at the very atop of the famous wall of Minas Tirith. The Otram was a long big magnificent wall that proudly encircled and protected the city. It saved its inhabitants more than once in tragic situations, but these were contagious times of laziness where men and women, princes and leaders, farmers and merchants weren't not motivated to do their usual tasks. This it resulted in an awkward festering stagnation throughout the kingdom. The guard didn't not feel pride when he was appointed as a ''Watchman of the Wall''; he simply accepted the task for the higher salary. he would get That title means great responsibility and in the times of the great kings, such duty was accomplished with pride and dignity, discipline and honour.
    After the victory of ''The Last Alliance'' and the defeat of the Mordor's armies, the once terror became a past forgotten memory. But at what cost? The King of Gondor was assassinated and his son fled the kingdom and was soon forgotten. A line of noblemen, called the Stewards of Gondor, took control of the kingdom. To avoid usurpation of the throne, they all swore, as written in the documents of succession, that when the king of Gondor returns, they shall renounce the throne and bow to the new king. The Stewards were not evil men, but when they became the lords of Gondor, they weren't not able to bring prosperous times to the land and the kingdom slowly stagnated.
    The current Steward of Gondor, Echtelion the first, an old man dressed in a luxurious dress made of the rarest materials, was a man of honour and pride rather than a strategic and tactical commander. He preferred to oversee the kingdom rather than leading an army during battle. His son Denethor the second was the current captain and commander of the Gondorian armies. But the band of carelessly trained men he commanded was a fraction of the once powerful Gondorian army that defeated the Mordor host at the ''Battle of the Last Alliance''. Denethor was a man of adventure, and he enjoyed his task even thought he didn't not had have the chance to prove himself in battle. if it wasn't for The some small skirmishes with bandits on the western border of the kingdom which were easily won and proved no challenge for Denethor.

    Chapter 2 : Dark Lord re-awakening
    However, something uncommon happened during Echtelion's rule, that will shake the very tranquility of Gondor: the forgotten orc forces of Mordor lurked out of their dark lairs once again eager for vengeance and domination of Middle Earth...
    The orcs reconstructed their Dark Lord's fortress of Barad-dur and set foot on the Black Gate of Mordor and the Tower of Minas Ithil, who is now named Minas Morgul also known as or the tower of sorcery. It is said a dark sorcerer named that the Witch-King now made it his home and expands his dark influence throughout the land. With the Dark Lord Sauron physically slain and his mind looking over Middle-Earth from atop Barad-dur, the Witch-King now leads the newly raised and organised armies of Mordor into war.
    Armies of Mordor are now attacking the lands East of the Great River Anduin. Hundreds of orcs now roam the lands called Ithilien. However, they encounter there some resistance...
    Last edited by StealthFox; February 02, 2012 at 10:26 AM.

  6. #6

    Default Re: A semi-fictional story.

    Ok so you suggest less words and more straight to the point?

  7. #7

    Default Re: A semi-fictional story.

    Also this is not the official story thread just a feedback thread and see if you guys want to actually post the story so PLEASE, put feedback. IDC if u hate it.

  8. #8
    StealthFox's Avatar Consensus Achieved
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    Default Re: A semi-fictional story.

    Quote Originally Posted by ePSequence
    Ok so you suggest less words and more straight to the point?
    Not necessarily all the time. It's a tricky thing to master and balance. In general look at the first two sentences. If you can say something in one word instead of three it is usually better to do so. That doesn't mean that you can't be descriptive though.

  9. #9
    Mhaedros's Avatar Brave Heart Tegan
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    Default Re: A semi-fictional story.

    It's an interesting read and I look forward to see what you will do with it. There are some minor lore breaks, but it's nothing to worry about
    Under the patronage of Finlander. Once patron to someone, no longer.
    Content's well good, innit.


  10. #10

    Default Re: A semi-fictional story.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mhaedros View Post
    It's an interesting read and I look forward to see what you will do with it. There are some minor lore breaks, but it's nothing to worry about
    Thanks bro, however, the lore breaks and intended, If I rewrote the story of J.R.R.Tolkien It would have been a waste of time. I make it on purpose to break the lore and modify the original story in a fun way.

  11. #11

    Default Re: A semi-fictional story.

    Also sorry for posting a lot of triple posts quadruple posts etc, but there is no Edit button so I just keep updating.

    Basically, as I said before, I already made chapter 3, this is not the official thread to read my story, just a preview of it, to see if you guys like it or not. I do it for fun(writing stories).

  12. #12
    Mhaedros's Avatar Brave Heart Tegan
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    Default Re: A semi-fictional story.

    Yep, I know I read the OP That's why I'm not yelling about blasphemy or trying to get a crusade
    Under the patronage of Finlander. Once patron to someone, no longer.
    Content's well good, innit.


  13. #13

    Default Re: A semi-fictional story.

    Haha, ok then I'll go over some minor details and post the chapter 1, 2 and 3 in a new thread called: Minas Tirith, a tale of bravery.

  14. #14

    Default Re: A semi-fictional story.

    It is officially up! The chapters 1 to 4!

  15. #15

    Default Re: A semi-fictional story.

    1 to 3(sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

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