Things that make you rage

[Silverheart]

The route down the alps is shorter but not quicker, beacuse of the mountains and the constant blocking. I know WHY it happens, but it's the "you have to move towards it" part that makes me rage. You can't even make a left turn without them running away!

Whenever I play as a northern/northwestern faction, I always go through the Alps and travel along the Appenine peninsula. The risk for being blocked and slowed down is considerable, but it´s better than being guaranteed to suffer desertion because your army is moving in the wrong direction.
But as I said, you could always go through Germany and proceed through eastern Europe and down to Greece.

[eugenioso]

when the AI declares war on me for absolutely no reason

when my merchants have 10 points and still lose to one with 3 points

when im fighting a besieging army, the enemy is happy to waste all of their artillery shots in killing all my walls, which takes a good 20 minutes at max speed

when i try to train an assassin army.

[Papay]

Prince Alberto of Sicily...

[Teutonic Warlord]

Everything everyone else has said, though I must say that I usually avoid going on crusades unless I absolutely have to. Now, as for my list... just know that, by themselves, these things make me go "Huh? How does that happen?!." In various large combinations, they may make me rage.

All your sons end up with dysfunctional, hypochodriac, and lazy traits, even though their parents are clearly not mad, lazy, or whatever. These traits appear to be irreversible and just get worse. The mad trait will be a killer for any FL because it kills authority (and helps the mad plague spread).

All of your princesses are utter snobs and, even when they have that trait that says they understand their role in society is to possibly marry without love (), they ALL. GET. SECRET LOVERS.

When the AI/programming feels like spamming you, such as constantly offering you adoption options when you really need marriage options for some single family member (adoption options block out a possible marriage proposal that turn), or when it spams your family tree with daughters, leaving you with few to no sons to carry on the family name.

When your general (especially FH or FL) can be the epitome of manly and confident (and/or absolutely ruthless), and he gets both the Cuckold trait and title and gets the trait that makes him gay... and he becomes the FL and ends up with little to no authority points because of those two traits.

Guys with tons of chivalry get the Foul Mouthed trait.

The AI gets stubborn and won't let your agents succeed no matter the odds.

When you send your cavalry to take prisoners and they run beside the targeted unit like they want to race them.

When governors who have never been in a settlement with the brothel line go down the drunkard trait path.

When you get an ally in the first 10 turns, marry multiple FHs to their princesses, and you have been protecting and keeping them alive for more than 100 turns... and they backstab you... with militia quality troops.

When you have to throw money like candy in a parade to AI allies to keep relations up, and you know the AI would never do the same. In fact, they repay you by backstabbing you. Your money pays for the army that attacks you. This is why I NEVER freely give my allies money.

When a war/backstabbing is started by a blockade, and this war usually amounts to no more conflict (especially no land conflict). However, the AI will NOT. MAKE. PEACE.

When your superior fleet attacks an enemy fleet with less numbers and lower tier ships, BUT: A) your ships lose ; B) your fleet takes as heavy, if not heavier losses than the enemy fleet; C) your fleet feels like showing mercy and won't finish off the enemy fleet, so you have to fight it at least 5 times, even if it is just one cog and you have 5 holks.

The bishop you clearly made Pope forgets that you are his homeland and you own the College of Cardinals, and he then becomes best friends with your enemies and excommunicates you.

The Pope in general.

The Eastern Roman Empire has one clear friend in the game, Russia. However, your one Orthodox brother is sure to backstab you because it needs Constantinople to win.

When rebel settlements with smaller and weaker garrisons aren't good enough for the AI, so they attack you instead.

I am sure there are more, but I can't think of them. Maybe I should've just said "The AI in general." Anyway, I find all of these things to be funny when I read over them, and they are all definitely facepalming moments. Maybe it is all a trap and the AI has secretly gone rogue and is playing stupid so we will let our guard down, allowing it to plan and succeed in world domination and human extinction... or it just wants our personal information to pay for its trip to Hawaii.

[LongWind]

When you get an ally in the first 10 turns, marry multiple FHs to their princesses, and you have been protecting and keeping them alive for much than 100 turns... and they backstab you... with militia quality troops.

It's ALWAYS milita quality troops

[AGeorg]

Oh! Another one! When I order my troops to charge the enemy together at once, they stand back and only a few men engage the enemy and get killed.

[Bobz]

All of your princesses are utter snobs and, even when they have that trait that says they understand their role in society is to possibly marry without love (), they ALL. GET. SECRET LOVERS.

I have too many of those! My last game with the Byzantines, and every, single, princess gets the secret lover! No matter what, some started with it, others travelled and got it, some stayed put for a few turns (for better traits), and they all got that damaging their skill level.

I'll also add Cavalry taking five minutes to run down THREE men! Why on earth must they travel half the distance of the map!!!

[Silverheart]

And another!
When my cavalry can´t figure out how to capture two fleeing enemy soldiers because they have about ten feet between them.

[Kaidonni]

When I use a submod for SS 6.4 that allows me to disable the ui so I can take cool screenshots, and I do so in battle. The problem is, it was with the end battle scroll, tallying up losses, etc. I'd fought the battle once before, and the enemy DESTROYED me (this is SS 6.4 plus ReallyBadBattle AI and VH battles, and the enemy general had 9 command over my guy's...er...soggy underwear). I didn't keep the save, and then refought the battle (feeling guilty deep down - of course, this is my first serious campaign in all of M2TW, couldn't bear to play it for ages, so...). Yeah, I won an amazing victory, and then screwed it all up. I was mashing away at the keys in the hope that something would take me back to the campaign map.

Karma? I guess so - I can fight the battle a third time with a clear conscience. I thought it was a risky move in the beginning, and it was. The second time, splitting my forces helped change the course of the battle. The third time...should I? Or let it be a siege battle? That'd give the AI less of a chance, since as they are attacking a city that cost me 800 men (I refought that battle too, and lost almost 1300! Fortunately, I kept the earlier save that time).

[Blom89]

When I besiege and then conquer an enemy city, losing most of my stack in the process, but still winning the battle, only to have a full enemy stack appear right next to the city I just took, then having them besiege me to try and claim there city back.

Of course they win because I didn't have enough time to retrain or replenish the stack.

[Diamond]

That's what I do too but from Denmark the shortest route is to Marseille, and that's enough for them to leave!



I really don't know why I never thought of that. Thanks

As Denmark, you should aim for the northern Black Sea or the Adriatic.

[Gazz]

Mongols at SS. 3:

[Willowran]

giving ridiculous amounts of gold to an ally because they DIDN'T backstab you...only to have them backstab you next turn

and having a 95% chance of success with a major assassination....only to have your assassin get caught and die.

and most of what other people said here....

[Wrathsputin]

Sending a diplomat from Lisbon to Russia to get trade agreements and the diplomat being assassinated by the Byzantines. Not a fun afternoon.

[Ghoulem]

Soldiers deserting a crusade in the middle of the Mediterranean ocean. Great swimmers?

[ccgr1121]

When your pikemen, instead of using their goddamn pikes to skewer cavalry like a kebab, instead decide to pull out butter knives and are then slaughtered.

Oh, and crusade desertion in the middle of the Mediterranean.

[H Con]

New one I just received:

When your diplomat travels around the world negotiating with next to any faction out there... and is assassinated right outside your own capital.

[Königsberger Klops]

Once time i was attacked by nearly a full stack of trebuchets, and 3! militia spearman.

usefull army management

[Bobz]

Soldiers deserting a crusade in the middle of the Mediterranean ocean. Great swimmers?

How on earth does that happen!?

Got another one - when you are literally one pixel away from a rebel held town and an AI faction moves in and sieges it!

[Königsberger Klops]

I remember: Once Milano attacks Staufen, but Bern is still hold by the rebells (in turn 80)

And i had a much greater defence as Bern