The Critic's Quill: Issue 29

**Juvenal** · September 09, 2011, 03:29 AM

The Editor Speaks
Hello and welcome to Issue 29 of the Quill.

A Word from our Sponsors
In honour of m_1512, who continues to write at ramming-speed for the second month in a row, this issue is to be officially known as...

Critic's Quill 29: the thoughts of Chairman M

The Delights Here Enclosed
This month we have news from MAARC XXIX, Tale of the Week, and BAARC II. To celebrate the completion of the latter we have reviewed all seven entries. Hopefully you will be inspired to enter your own work because BAARC III is now accepting submissions!

Our usual selection of AAR reviews and articles about creative writing are on display, plus the welcome return of Carloginias with an Historical Fiction review. We also have an interview with wowbanger; local moderator and award-winning writer.

Finally, let me welcome guest writer Iniquitus the Third, who has given us a fascinating article about the portrayal of foreign languages and cultures in fiction.

NEWSFLASH!
MAARC XXX has entered the voting phase, there are many good AARs to be seen there. Don't deny yourself a chance to determine this month's winners!

Juvenal (Editor)

Table of Contents

Monthly AAR Competition Section

MAARC XXIX

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

BAARC II

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Well, it looks like the BAARC is on its way to becoming a TWC institution with the successful conclusion of BAARC II. You may admire the prose of the Official BAARC II Winners Announcement from Skantarios.

In honour of the competition, the Quill has decided to review all seven entries. Enjoy and (hopefully) be inspired to write and submit your own entries to BAARC III, which is now taking submissions.

Battle of the Stakes by Kaiser Eugene

This story uses the Empire Total War Game, and the action occurs in the wild American lands. I must say: Kaintuck Lands, which is the main characteristic of that battle story.

The author, Kaiser Eugene, is planning to release that battle in a little AAR, not already written.

If you can bring with you some bayonets, it won’t be too much for Sullivan and his American minutemen.

The Story
The story describes a crucial battle happening in 1784, deep in some native lands. The Americans, trying to expand their territory, are led by Sullivan, a proud general who doesn’t want to disappoint the Congress.

The dice are thrown, when Sullivan is ambushed by a giant force of thousands of natives. But the Americans make no attempt to avoid the fight and choose to stand against their foes.

It is madness, and the narrator, a common soldier, knows the far reaching consequences of such a decision. A perfume of tragedy flies over the battlefield.

Already the odds were set against us, but Sulivan was a stubborn goat. He refused to withdraw when he was so close to "single-handedly winning the Kaintuck War". He said to his lieutenants, "Watch. They've got the courage of greenhorns under cannon fire. We will win this war and expand United States boundaries!"

Pictures
The pictures are natural, but they are not cropped and we can see unfortunately all the game buttons and information. It is one of the drawbacks of this battle report. Moreover the graphic quality is quite low.

However, we had to admit that the pics are appropriately chosen, and fit well with the story. Some of them release feelings of pain and struggle, which is a good point.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

There is a mix between close and distant shots. The close ones are there to show the fights between men, and the rage of the battle, whereas the distant ones are more an information about the strategical moves…

To finish, the size of those pictures is bit too large for me, and overwhelm too much the text. It would surely be a good thing to resize those pics.

Critics
I enjoyed this short and clear story, but I need to point at some points that have to be improved:

Scenario: The scenario is too weak. Indeed, we are not enough surprised, and there is too less text to read.
It seems that too much importance had been given to the pictures
Feelings: I’m convinced that this story would have improved dramatically with some more feelings. We need to shiver and be surprised as the hero. I mean that the story is too much formal to be read with heart.
Pictures: As explained above, the pictures needs to be worked at least a little (cropping,..). Then , they would have the power to add depth to the story.

Conclusion
This story shows a crucial battle, where some dreams end. It is particularly refreshing to see an American Empire battle report, and you have to take advantage of such an originality…

Thanks Kaiser Eugene for that piece of work, and I wish you good luck for the next competition.

Review by la coupe est pleine

Massacre near the Three Rivers by Tim1988

This is an account of the ambush of a British column by Indian allies of France somewhere in North America during the Seven Years War.

It is narrated in the first-person by an ordinary soldier in one of the British line infantry units. The narrator never gives his name, though he does name his battalion, its commander and the captain of his own company.

Our protagonist spends a significant portion of the account describing the constituents of the British column. This serves two purposes. Firstly it helps us to identify with the British force, so that we will feel some modicum of emotion at the fate of these formations during the battle proper. Secondly, it helps us to understand what is being represented. The British force represents a reinforced battalion, and the individual units are companies.

A big problem with trying to depict an authentic engagement using ETW is scale. By the late Eighteenth Century, most European armies employed standardised formations so we know what they ought to consist of. ETW units work best if you think of them as battalions, but in this battle they are representing companies. Unfortunately a British battalion is divided into 10 companies, so I suppose the four line-infantry units we see in this screenshot just have to be thought of as two companies each.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Anyway, it isn't long before the enemy appear, a huge force of Native American warriors armed with axes, supported by a horde of native cavalry.

I think the description of the Native Americans is the high-point of this battle report, it conveys their ferocity quite effectively.

We braced ourselves, muskets levelled with bayonets pointing at the enemy. They hit us like a tidal wave, whooping and shrieking like demons from the deepest pits of hell, leaping at us with their viscous axes, snarling and spitting in their desperation to get at us. Many of them fell within the first seconds of the fight, impaled on the bayonets of our front ranks. But more took their place, cutting down our brave boys as they struggled to free their weapons.

And the accompanying picture is pretty scary too...

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

All in all, I think this is a decent attempt at describing a battle from a soldier's eye view. The prose is slightly awkward in places, but is still quite effective. Although it is a first person account, the narrator is a sadly something of a cipher, providing little more than a viewpoint (though we do discover his age at the end of the piece).

The pictures (as you can see above) are lovely, and Tim1988 has taken the trouble to crop them all to a standard size which should fit on most people's screens without the need for horizontal scrolling.

The big drawback of this first-person approach is that once battle is joined it is very difficult for the reader to understand exactly how the battle is going. Tim1988 does his best, providing us with descriptions of a number of important events as seen from our protagonist's perspective. But in the end I still didn't really understand what had happened many of the British units.

However there is no point criticising a story for not doing what it was never intended to do. Instead let us admire the intensity of the action and reflect on how a soldier's life consists of 99% boredom and discomfort, punctuated by a few moments of pure terror.

Review by Juvenal

What is a Bait? by la coupe est pleine

A Battle AAR by a fellow Content Staffer and writer for the Quill. It is a good story by a good storyteller and, though he was unsuccessful in BAARC II, we all wish him luck for next time.

Alright, on to the reviews.

Story
It is a story about a commander, an old crusader, but now the governor of Zaragoza. The story has the full package, overwhelming odds, brave soldiers, and an old hero. The battle itself takes place in the spring (mid-May to be precise), when a local Spanish rebel lord, Santiago decides to go on the warpath. Naturally this would not sit well with our protagonist, and especially because he takes his warpath onto the lands of Zaragoza.

The story is a good one, but if there is a problem, then that would be that it is a wee-bit predictable. Maybe that plot could have done with some more twists and climaxes to get the reader clutching his chair, as they put it in Indian movies, some Masala. In short, there could have been a bit more spice to it.

Writing
The writing is pleasing to the eye, italics and all. Free from errors, which is most important. But there is one thing I feel is lacking, though I hate to put so bluntly. Since the faction in the AAR is France, I would have loved to see some French words too. It gives an ambience to the story, helps the reader to believe he is really there. It wouldn't need whole sentences or speeches in French, just some basic words, like greetings, shouting a charge etc.

Perhaps la coupe might try that next time.

Pictures
The Pictures are relevant and well chosen. They are also quite properly edited too.

But there is one small problem, they are so wide they stretch well off the right edge of my screen. Now many readers might not mind, but it is still good to re-size the images to fit within the more modest resolution most viewers will have.

X-Factor
Clever use and depiction of Strategies. Now, I don't say this lightly, as a student of Military History and Strategy. But yes, the writer has depicted how good strategies prevail. In short, The brain beats the brawn. I would definitely look forward to seeing another battle from this author as well thought-out as this one.

Concluding, I would say that this was a well-written battle, but as people say it, life is full of ups and downs. I wish la coupe Good Luck for his future endeavours.

Review by m_1512

Field of Heroes by Boustrophedon

A good tale from another fellow Quill writer.

Story
This is the story of a Samurai, Nishimura Masashige. A samurai born with a tainted name, and in Feudal Japan too. Nasty mix really.

But now, he must work to redeem his honor, as well as that of his brother and father. The opportunity is provided by his Daimyo (Local Lord), a merciful man he seems to me, given that our protagonist's grandfather had tried to kill the Daimyo's father. The redemption, as always, involves risking your life in service. In this case, in a battle with an enemy clan.

Well, the story has all the elements of a hit movie. I somehow got reminded of the movie, a favorite, The Last Samurai.
Heroic warriors, unquestionable loyalty, and true sense of honor, all like the Knights of Europe, maybe even more.

Writing
The writing is commendable. Especially in the area that many Japanese words and terms have been used. All these create a feel of Feudal Japan, it's life and toil, war and honor.

But again, some more emotions, twists and, as our American friends refer to it, pep talks could have been used.

Pictures
Ah... Here's one with flaws and merits.

I have not bought Shogun II yet, being a penniless a student. Therefore, I don't have much idea about the game. But our dear writer here has treated us with high resolution pictures of the game. I thank him sincerely for the treat.

Alas, to the critical part. Re-sizing is the issue. Slightly smaller pictures would be more manageable and fit right, as in a book.

X-Factor
Simple. The feel he created of the era and it's effects. I was a bit surprised (bad surprise) that this did not win. But life is a game of cricket, you lose some, you win some. Maybe next one.

I wish him my Most Sincere Regards for his future endeavors.

Review by m_1512

RUNNER-UP: Zhidislavs Battle by Maltacus

This Battle Action Report is the first one made by the famous Maltacus, well known for his comedy AAR. You were surely expecting him to use the same funny way of writing for this battle…

Definitely not…

Moreover, this story having previously been offered by Maltacus in the general Medieval AAR forums, this is a proof of the dedication of the author.

Ready to discover this tale?
Ready to find out how Maltacus deals with a “tragic” story?

The Story
We don’t know a lot about the story-teller. He is named Zhidislav Veprev, and is a Novgorod young general.
Thanks to a brilliant prelude, we have a clear mind about the dangerous situation of our new hero army. The poor young guy had fallen in a Norwegian trap, in the Gotland Island of the Baltic Sea. Thousand are going to die that day…

Struggling with the frozen Baltic wind, the Rus troops are preparing for their last battle.
They are starving, having eaten their supplies.
They can’t retreat, because of a brilliant Norwegian tactical move.
They are outnumbered …

However, the pride of the Rus is high, and they have faith in their skills.

Will the local Norwegian save their lands, or will a young Rus general take the advantage, thanks to few experienced Boyars?

This is the tale…

Here they are. Today I shall crush them and cut my way to Visby. If heaven wills it, I hope to make up with bravery for my lack of foresight that brought us here.
I have to attack.

Pictures
The pictures of that battle are nicely cropped.
They accurately fit with the storyline, which is very detailed. It is the major purpose of the author: to use them in order to underline the tactical move of the Novgorodian army.

This is well done and we are like generals supervising the battle.

I would have surely loved to see some close shots, to make the pictures epic, but it is definitely not the objective. Maltacus made his choice and it is the least to respect it.

Critics
This BAAR can be congratulated thanks to the following points:

Scenario: The scenario had been well-thought. There are few clear characters (a little dedication to Radzeer AAR isn’t it?) and the objective of the battle is precise. We are not lost and the author makes good efforts to keep the reader linked with the battlefield events.
Moreover, Maltacus kept a last surprise at the end.
Writing: Maltacus clearly have very good skills about writing. The text is easy to follow and we can feel the feelings of the hero.
Description: This is a descriptive battle. The author highlights the moves, the units and their formations. It is like a battle lesson, and it is a well-made lesson, to say the least.
For me, it is the major power of this story.

As the two enemy companies part, an idea spring to my mind. I tell Yurii to order a combined attack on the spearmen that have engaged us.
The plan plays out even better than I have hoped. The spearmen are broken by the charge at their rear, depending as they do almost totally on their shields for defence.
I shout to the Kiptjaks to disengage. We will not be bogged down by fleeing men once again. Looking left, I note with relief that the other Kiptjak company has succeeded in routing the crossbowmen completely and has now joined us, sending volleys of arrows against the lone Huskarl company, one of the two that remain.

Conclusion
This story was one of my favorite. It is not a surprise if it ended third. It could even have been better. The dedication of the author into that battle was clear and it is always pleasant to read such work.

Cheers Maltacus for that tactical lesson, and also for the cold Baltic shivers you made me feel…

Review by la coupe est pleine

RUNNER-UP: A Lonesome Charge by wowbanger

An amazing entry from wowbanger, fellow Critic's Quill member.

Pardon me if this review seems bit informal, but the story is expanded from a battle in wowbanger's AAR, Saoirse, which I used to follow. It is a great shame that this wonderful AAR is on indefinite hold (...not failed though, so perhaps there is still hope). Being an optimist I am still thinking that it could resume some time. But in essence, we lost the pleasure of a fine AAR, and all before I could review it too!

This battle is narrated as an introspection and as a tale told by a clan warlord in a dusty tavern. As an exclusive offer to those who haven't read it, I can tell you that the name of the warlord is Aonghas MacDomhnaill. As well as recounting the sequence of event, this narration also creates the atmosphere of the story, a roaring fire in an inn, ale in hand and easy access to listeners, a victory against an evil cousin - the foul usurper.

Yes, usurped and dethroned by a treacherous noble, our hero travels to Ireland to find allies, brave allies. When he comes back, it is to exact revenge, and to reclaim what is rightfully his. Anyways, enough of this spoiler, it will be much more enjoyable when you read the real thing.

Story: Epic. The story of a knight, a hero fighting for his people and what's right.

Writing: Good writing, you can get a feel that you are at the tavern. As was his AAR, this Battle is also well written and narrated.

Pictures: Ah... Exactly the way I like it. Aptly re-sized and edited. The pictures are also taken with a great deal of good timing, for they present a literal picture of the narration.

X-Factor: Well written, and more important, written passionately.

So, please feel to rep wowbanger to your heart's content for this charming tale of Heroes, Villains, and Adventure.

Review by m_1512

WINNER: Battle of Trebizond by Radzeer

Legends are sometimes born from actions of ordinary men. The sounds of the battle of Trebizond faded away, but this was not the end of the tale...

An extract from the winning BAARC entry, Radzeer's The Battle of Trebizond.

Many congratulations to him for this victory.

Again, this will not be like a conventional review. Why? Well it is the winning entry, which means there is nothing for me to criticize! Or is there? Only joking dear readers after all, to win the BAARC, this really must be something special.

Alright, let's start.

The story is about three Rus brothers, Rurik the soldier, Alexios the priest, and their kid-brother Oleg. What? You've not read the AAR yet? Well if you're wondering how you would understand an isolated battle, then rest assured my friends. It is written to stand alone, all of the story you need is explained at the start.

We are at the end of a long search by Alexios and Rurik for their lost younger brother, which has finally come to a successful conclusion at Trebizond. But joy at their reunion is to be short lived.

Trebizond is Besieged!
The Seljuks attack! The brothers must flee to safety, for the invaders would not care if they are civilians or soldiers before killing them.

This Battle Report is about their attempt to escape Trebizond while the Seljuks are actually in the process of storming it! It is like a high-octane thriller movie, just expressed in words rather than on film. The adventure, the thrill of danger, the uncertainty over their survival, the desperate hope of escape back to the safety of Kiev; this is quite a story!

The pictures too are simply spectacular, well sized, pleasing. They also most importantly, correspond to what is happening in the text.

The style of writing puts you right in the midst of the action. You almost can't help cheering the brothers for every narrow escape, and rooting for them to make it to safety.

Ah... What a story! Too bad it has to end, but I hope I have given you a flavor of it without spoiling the suspense too much.

All's well that ends well. Think so? Go read the story for yourself.

Review by m_1512

Tale of the Week Section

Tale of the Week: August News

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Hello, wowbanger here bringing you the latest news and events from the Tale of the Week forums. As usual I'll be bringing you the recent winners as well as my mini reviews on a random selection of the previous month's entries. This month's coverage looks to be on the short side compared to previous issues, with only three completed competitions to report on, so lets crack on with it and make it as painless as possible.

TotW 116a: "My Best Day"
The first of this edition's trio of winners is this heart-warming and emotional story by Celsius.

Winning Entry

It was a Sunday, October 8, 2004, and I helped my Dad pack his things. I made sure he took one of my toys so he could play with it in the sand with his friends. My mom had cooked supper, and we sat down to eat. I didn't really know where he was going, but it sounded fun. That nite, he kissed my mom and picked me up and said "Dad has to go play in the sand for a while". I had no idea how long that "while" would be, but it couldn't be more than a few days. Weeks had passed, and I asked my mom everyday if Dad was home, or if he was on his way. I even asked if he had gotten lost in the sand, and if he did, he could use my toy truck to drive home. She laughed, with a tear following.

Before I knew it, it was April 17, 2005. My 7th birthday. Dad was still not home. I was sad and upset, but Mom gave me a letter from him. She read it to me, saying that "he was going to be in the sand a little while longer". That night, I wrote him a letter. I put my toy fighter plane in a box and wrote on a piece of paper "Fly Home". My Mom mailed it the next day. It gave me some comfort, and I didn't think about it for a while.

It was a year since my Dad left. I asked my Mom now and again if he was coming home. If he was still lost. Did he get my plane? Was it broken? She just told me he would be home soon. I didn't sleep a wink. Everyday was a surprise. I would get up and look out my window to see if I saw anything that might have just told me he was home. That lasted for weeks until I just gave up.

But on February 3, 2006, my Mom said she had a surprise for me. I didn't really notice anything, or even suspect what it was. We got in the car and drove to the Airport. I had no idea what an airport even was at the time, so I didn't know what to expect. We got out and waited. There were tons of people, and I was nervous. Then my mom squatted down and pointed someone out to me. I looked in that direction, and started crying. I ran with all my heart, not even noticing the other people. My Dad knelt down and hugged me tight. He had finally found his way home from the sand.

END

Review of Submission #2 First up for review this month we have StealthEvo's deeply emotional account of one man's best and last day. Although this entry received 0 votes in the competition, I felt that it deserved so much more than that, a testament to the quality of the rest of the entries I think. Although there were a couple of minor grammatical and spelling errors, they should not take away the fact this was a very well crafted tale.

TotW 117a: "Into the Breach"
In my first official storyboard as a member of the Writer's Study team it was m_1512 who successfully stormed the breach with this tale of the war in trenches.

Winning Entry

Review of Submission #5 Moving from one tale of trench warfare to another we have 'Gunny's tale about a British unit as they prepare to go over the top. As I have now come to expect from this writer this was a very well written tale and one worthy of my praise.

TotW 118a: "The Face Behind The Helmet"
And finally for this issue's winners we have this story by Darkan telling of a famous gladiator's thoughts before entering the arena.

Winning Entry

The face behind the helmet

The roar of the crowd was getting louder with each step the tall figure took towards the iron gates, leaving behind him a long, dark corridor.

“Death, death, death...” they shouted. After a few moments the crowd exploded into an enormous cheer, a clear sign that the one they so easily sentenced had been killed. Savages, he thought, and they call us uncivilized barbarians.

He would be next to enter the arena, along with others, in order to entertain these savage Romans whom he despised. He knew not what awaited him, for each battle was different. He had fought against giant beasts with tusks so large they could impale two or three men at a time, against black, ferocious bears, he had killed giant catlike creatures, some with large manes, others striped or spotted, he had even faced a large, black humanoid ape, he had fought outnumbered, against scores of warriors, against champions from other cities...he had fought a great many times and he had always emerged victorious... The Dacian Wolf they called him, one of the deadliest gladiators Arretium had seen. Today he would be the Wolf once more, here in Rome, for that is what they all expected of him, either to kill or to be killed.

He closed his eyes, going to a distant time and place, as he did before every fight. He found himself back home, where he had spent his happiest times. The sun stood high upon the sky, its rays caressing his face, the slight breeze cooling his face. He could smell the wheat crops and as he watched round he could see his kinsmen working in the fields, old and young together, side by side. He heard them singing, as they always sang when harvesting the crops, he heard the children’s laughter as they ran around playing. Beyond the fields were the forests he used to hunt in, where he and his beloved would meet to be away from prying eyes. He could also see the small stream where he taught his son how to catch fish. A small child ran towards him laughing, his arms stretched out. Behind him, a long haired woman followed with a goatskin full of water in her hands, water spilling from it, the drops splattering against the dry earth and then disappearing in a blink of an eye. They were his family, they were the light of his eyes...they were no more.

“...before you now, from Arretium, from the wild north, to oppose our great champion, comes The Dacian Wolf, slayer of beasts.” The hissing and disapproval of the crowd awoke him from his memory. The gates opened and a tall, ironclad mountain of a man walked into the arena, gripping his falx tightly, with his black wolf helmet spreading only terror and fear. Behind the helmet, the man kept his eyes closed, fixed upon an image that only he knew, that only he would ever know.

END

Review of Submission #3 Last but by no means least we have this nice short tale of a father heading to war by Celsius. Although this was a decent story, I felt lacked some of the emotion that would really have seen it challenging for the victory in this strong field of competitors.

Before I go then may I encourage the fine readers of the Critics Quill to pay the Tale of the Week forums a little visit and enjoy some of the stories on show, who knows maybe you will be inspired to write your own.

TotW 119a: "Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold"

TotW Winners Story Archive
THE TALE PROJECT: Writer Story Gallery listing
TotW Story Index

And with that I bid you farewell and wish you all the best. This has been wowbanger reporting for the Critics Quill and I'll see you all same time, next time for another dose of Tale of the Week News.

Interview Section

An Interview with wowbanger

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Greetings. Today I bring an interview of a special member, a fellow of the Staff too, and a dear friend. But wait! Let me build more suspense. I'll tell you a little more about him.

Back then, when I was testing the waters before I got quite active here, I bumped into quite some people. Some modders, some writers, etc. He is one of the latter. The first time, I was quite jittery to write and submit my first piece. I was confused with the usual questions, what, when, and where. But then he comes along and motivates me to submit it finally. He then continues to explain about the writer's study, with it's friendly atmosphere and all, then convinces me to join the fraternity. A bond which I consider solid and long, for I would always associate my self with the Writer's study first, then others, here at TWC.

Then, we became good friends, and I continued enjoying my time there. But there is more. Here I am writing up this interview, the credits of which to him. True, I had no idea what was content staff. He again, in his ways, roused my interest, and motivated to write my first review and join the Critic's Quill, where I literally built myself a villa.

So, without further suspense, I present to you, wowbanger.

Here's the interview.

Tell us something about yourself.
Well what do you want to know?

I'm a 21 year old engineering student from the English Midlands. I live with my Irish fiancée in a nice flat that is slowly but surely being over run with pets of various shapes and sizes including guinea pigs, cockatiels, snakes and a gorgeous springer spaniel puppy, who, entirely by coincidence, happens to also be called Saoirse (for those of you who were wondering, Saoirse is the Irish word for freedom, and it seems to fit both the idea of my AAR and the nature of my puppy quite well).

History has always been one of my main interests, particularly Irish history at the moment (hence the AAR choice), although most areas of history I find interesting. To be honest I have a great love of most things Irish, just as well really considering that I will be moving there next year once my university course has finished.

How came you here as a writer?
Quite frankly I'm not entirely sure how I became a writer here myself. Right the way through my school years writing was something that I had no interest in what so ever and if you had told me back then that I would be writing stories as a hobby then I would have thought you had gone mad. However, reading has always been of keen interest to me and so, last Summer, while doing a very boring job, I began toying with the idea of writing my own story. That was an idea that was soon forgotten about for a few months although a few trial stories that never saw the light of day were experimented with. Then I discovered the Tale of the Week forum and thought "Hey, why not?" and so I entered my first tale and became slightly hooked.

Congratulations on your selection in the Writer's Study team. I had once asked for applying myself, I then learnt that we don't apply, but are invited. How is it in there?
What, apart from the constantly running to Starbucks for more coffee for everyone and the daily foot massages for Hesus?

Ok, I'll be serious. Although I was perhaps a little nervous at first (the whole first day at a new school kind of thing) the rest of the team soon helped me to settle in and it feels great to be giving something back to the forum that has given me so much joy and helped me through some difficult times.

Could you provide us an insight about the Writer's Study.
I personally believe that the Writers Study is all about a community of writers and readers who should be working together to improve their writing skills. Sure we have the official competitions but, for me at least, they take second place to the help, guidance, support and critiques provided by other writers and readers that help each other develop as writers. It was those reasons why I joined the Critics Quill staff and have now joined the Writers Study team, so that I could help the other writers on this forum improve and develop their writing.

A thought or two about writing.
Well, what can I say here, to condense the whole subject of writing down to a thought or two is quite a task. I suppose firstly I'll say that, for me, it makes a great hobby, it enables me to escape from the stresses and strains of everyday life into another world that can be anything I choose it to be.

Having said that however, often the story takes on a life of its own and almost seems to write itself, leading you down tracks and paths you never even suspected. As my good friend Mega Tortas de Bodemloze once said (in his famous purple font), "Some writers never know what's to be written until they see it on the page....". Its at those times that writing becomes the most fun as even the writer is wondering how the story will end. This is especially true in AARs where the game can throw at some very interesting situations that are great to write about. For example, in my Irish AAR during the Battle of Ìle, a single horseman broke the ranks of defenders at the gates and proceeded to charge down the street at several hundred waiting defenders. Now this was something that was completely unplanned and unexpected but I had so much fun writing about that one heroic event that I did it twice, once in the AAR and again for the BAARC.

What's your favorite genre, could you share a few thoughts about it.
My favourite genre? Well looking my current five favourite authors then there is quite a range. On the one side there is Terry Pratchett (comedy/fantasy) and Douglas Adams (comedy/sci-fi) and then it goes through JRR Tolkein (the grand fantasy adventure) and comes out at the other side with Bernard Cornwell and Sir Walter Scott (both historical fiction), so make of that what you will. When it comes to writing however, I much prefer to stay historical, lacking the imagination to create my own fantasy world. So, for now at least, my stories will mainly be rooted in the past.

Any current projects at hand?
Well, since the untimely death of Saoirse, the AAR not the puppy, I have taken a small step back from writing. Partly due to RL issues, 12-13 hour days at work don't leave you much in the mood for writing, and partly to let me properly prepare my new projects.

I still have my slowly progressing Lord of the Rings fanfic, Revenge in the Clanlands, which is still ongoing despite appearances, so expect some new chapters for that and of course I'll still enter tales into Tale of the Week and the BAARC as and when the mood takes me.

As for new projects, I would like to use this opportunity to formally announce my new AAR. Entitled 'Dogs of War' it tells a tale of a young Roman who sets out with his faithful canine companions to rescue the woman he loves and exact revenge on the barbarians who destroyed his life. Coming soon to a computer screen near you.

After that, well I have a page in my notebook dedicated to ideas for AARs and other stories so inspiration shouldn't be a problem.

Any plans to be a full-fledged author in the future?
Maybe. I have an idea for a novel that I would like to to attempt to write that may develop into a series, but whether it gets off the ground or not is still uncertain.

I believe Writer's Study at TWC is a good place to develop their writing and also form good friendships. Your thoughts on this?
I whole heartedly agree with you on that point. I have made many good friends while I have been writing here and I would like to think that my writing has improved slightly too. Those are the two reasons why I like the Writer's Study and why I keep coming back. They are also why I would strongly encourage new people to come and get involved and become part of the great community there.

Any innovative ideas to add/changes in the Writer's Study that you have.
To be honest, no, I don't. Then again I haven't given it much thought. Overall The Writer's Study is well organised with good competitions and a strong following among the members, I don't want to barge in and start messing around with everything. I do want to start to increase advertising for the Study around the forums as a whole, but I think that may have to wait awhile until I have more free time.

Could you give some inside account of your new Tale Project?
Well the Tale Project wasn't my idea, it was thought up and started by Mega Tortas de Bodemloze. However, since his unexplained disappearance (something we all hope will come an end soon) I have kind of taken over as caretaker. Basically, the idea is to provide the writers of this forum with somewhere that they can showcase their work all in one place, like the artists do in the Graphics Workshop and Screenshot Galleries. Although the Project is based in the Tale of the Week forums the writing on display could be absolutely anything that the writer wants to show off, in my Study I have Tale of the Week entries, extracts from both my AAR and Middle Earth Fanfic, my BAARC entry, Scriptorium entries and Critics Quill reviews so that shows some ideas of what you can put in it.

Lastly, any advice for new and aspiring writers.
Of course.

My best piece of advice for anyone new considering writing would be simply to get stuck in and give it a go. You can never know if you'll enjoy it or how good you might until you take the plunge. It doesn't have to be a big and daunting project, like an AAR that takes months or even years to complete, I started out writing short stories for Tale of the Week that could be finished in a morning and only when I discovered a passion for writing did I move onto longer projects. That and always carry a piece of paper and a pen/pencil because you never know when a moment of inspiration will strike, I wrote my Scriptorium medal winning haiku on a scrap of paper while I was bored waiting for the computer to respond at work one morning.

And if that's the final question then may I thank you m for giving me such a thorough grilling and thank the readers for reading all I had to say. If anyone has any questions about anything mentioned in this interview or about writing in general then don't hesitate to ask me, I'll be more than happy to help. And with that its time time to say goodbye.

Interview conducted by m_1512

Historical Fiction Section

Napoleon’s Balkan Campaign
A story by Kaiser Eugene

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Prior to any sort of analysis on this piece, I feel honor bound to bring to your attention, if our readers were not already aware, the absence of articles from the Work Critiques and the Historical Fiction sections of TWC’s Creative Writing sector. For those who have kept up with the Quill, you are aware that they are ordinarily featured in the publication, but not this past summer. This is my fault. I am prepared to have stones thrown at me, should it come to that; but if you’ll hear me out, I’m back for the school year, and everyone should expect at least one review from the aforementioned areas per issue in the coming months. However, in order for me to set about this task, I need the help of you, yes you; all of you. What I need from our readership at large is a contribution to either the Work Critiques Section, or the Historical Fiction Section (or both). It is a pleasure for me to write these articles, but we must work together to ensure that both I and everyone who browses our Creative Writing section has new and interesting material to read. So please; raise your quills and write!

With that out of the way, we may examine the piece I have chosen for submission: Kaiser Eugene’s Napoleon’s Balkan Campaign. Before actually looking at the piece itself, I think it is important to define what exactly this is, and how it fits into literary tradition. This work is, essentially, representative of the epistolary works (novels) that became the preeminent narrative form during the 18th century. Those works that fit into the category of an epistolary are those which use letters (by far, the most common usage among the more famous works), journal and diary entries (as seen in this story), the occasional magazine strip, and newspaper clippings to convey a narrative function are all considered epistolary in nature. Though the form largely went out of usage during the late 18th and early 19th centuries in favor of development more along the lines of what a novel is considered today (Jane Austen, for example), it has nevertheless been incorporated by many authors to enhance the vibrancy of their own novels, and has been used by Kaiser Eugene to craft a tale about Napoleon’s adventures in Greece.

The essential plot-line of the entries centers around the formation of a super alliance between Austria, the Ottoman Empire, Russia, the Papal States, and the United Kingdom. The diary entries themselves detail the fictional Napoleon’s various schemes to weaken the forces that seek to keep him at bay. To this end, a French Armada is assembled. Napoleon himself embarks on an expedition with the Grand Armee to capture Greece from the Ottoman Turks, while he sends Field Marshal Ney with an army to Ireland with the intent to start a Catholic rebellion against the British. We later learn that the expedition was a failure. However, the campaign in Greece goes smoothly for Napoleon’s army as Athens falls, and he manages to rout a Turkish army several times the size of his own. At Athens, Napoleon manages to create a vassal state, and orders immediate conscription of able-bodied Greek men who will travel with his army to do battle, and route, the aforementioned Ottoman army. The last posted entry ends on a discouraging note: the Irish have pushed Ney from Ireland, and the Ottomans are raising huge forces to weigh against Napoleon’s Grand Armee. Only time will tell if this alternate history sees victory for France in this bloody phase of the Napoleonic Wars.

Before highlighting what I feel needs to be addressed with this piece as a whole, I’ll make clear the most interesting thing about this piece, and why it has so much potential to be so much more: what I found most intriguing about this work was, very simply, that it was in diary form. With that said, there were definitely some issues I had with this piece. Let’s deal with the smaller issues at hand first, the ones that can be easily corrected with a proofreading and a little rewriting: first, there were the occasional tense issues when you accidently switched from present to past. Second, I really took issue with the language employed by the narrator. In many places it sounded very modern, and, in quite a few places, the language did not play to the character at all. Third; I really had to suspend my disbelief on a lot of what happened in the text. The British not patrolling the Mediterranean, the apparent absence of an Austrian offensive into French Italy while Napoleon was away, the fact that the Ottomans were mustering armies that tripled and quadrupled France’s, and even the unlikely alliance between Austria and Turkey (though you did cover that). To reiterate, these are things that can be fixed rather easily; what I am about to say next is what I feel is your real challenge to improving the story, and advancing your prowess as a writer: your narrator was a very flat character. There is almost no development of Napoleon as a fictional man in a fictional universe in any of the diary entries, and that is a real shame because of all the ways of structuring a piece, the epistolary gives an author a lot of leeway to construct the pattern of his narrator’s thoughts as they are relayed to himself or other characters. I can’t emphasize character development enough in any work of fiction. The final element of this review is one that is perhaps very subjective in nature, but one that needs to be addressed nevertheless: your writing on a sentence by sentence, paragraph by paragraph level. I’m not sure how often you read, I can recommend many books (and would be happy to, to Eugene or to anyone who shoots me a PM), but reading QUALITY fiction is what everyone needs in order to evolve their writing as a whole; stylistic power will come later, as will your literary voice; but what you need to focus on now is development. And just for clarification: Quality Fiction is not Stephen King. It is not GRR Martin. It is also not JK Rowling, or Danielle Steel. And if you were wondering it is not John Steinbeck, either. What quality fiction is is artistic fiction. Think Faulkner. Think Joyce. Think Virginia Woolf, Ernest Hemingway, Marcel Proust, Albert Camus, DH Lawrence, George Eliot, Charles Dickens, Shakespeare, Dante, and many, many others who have shaped our literary canon.

Review by Carloginias

**Juvenal** · September 09, 2011, 03:30 AM

AAR Review Section

Ridiculum Commentarius Post-actio Romanum
An XGM AAR for RTW by Iniquitus The Third

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Battle is a serious business

For this review, I’m trying something a little different – a comedy AAR review. These AARs are rare enough, and with good reason, as they are very hard to get right… dare I say, far harder than a ‘regular’ AAR? Certainly, few writers have attempted a task even more thankless than TV or radio comedy – no actors can be seen or even heard, thus getting rid of any emphasis they can place on actions or words to increase comic value. It’s like the difference between reading a Blackadder script and watching Rowan Atkinson actually perform it; which is funnier? As a result, Iniquitus the Third has to write something as skilful as the Two Ronnies’ legendary ‘Answering the question before last (Mastermind)’ sketch throughout his AAR! Obviously, it cannot be funny the whole way through, but even the linking passages require extra care in construction.

I will put Iniquitus out of his misery first – this AAR is not, like many previous attempts by others, an unfunny flop. At the same time, he should pay close attention to where his most successful bits are, and try to replicate them more. I appreciate this is much harder than it sounds, but comedy is an art not a science, and is immune to rigorous analysis. The first chapter shows this mix and how hard it is to get it right.

Firstly, I must congratulate Iniquitus on his method of using unit cards to denote a speaker and then illustrating with various pictures from battles and the stratmap, all carefully taken. They really enhance the experience and make it far easier to follow.

Secondly, he does manage to keep a consistent level of humour going from after the beginning of the battle against Pyrrhos. As humour is pretty subjective, I will try and be ‘harsh’ to help Iniquitus employ his best material. Some jokes are a mere passing smile…

The day's weather was fairly pleasant for a battle, being sunny with only a slight chance of showers of pila.

Other jokes are rather specialised, and guaranteed to work well only with an RTW-savvy audience since they mock the foibles of RTW itself:

Our guest for the day, Pyrrhos, decided it might be a smart idea to charge headfirst and uphill into rested enemy infantry, completely unsupported and already tired from the approach.

However, when following it up with

OH, GOD, WHY DID I THINK THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA? I HAVE TEN STARS, FOR ****'S SAKE!

from Pyrrhos, he does (at least in my opinion) make it funnier, but also risks losing some of his audience. This and similar jokes are likely to be considered a little too crude by some TWC readers.

Taste is a difficult topic. But it is a fact that some comic devices have been devalued by excessive use in earlier and lesser AARs, thereby in a sense "poisoning the well" for this one. Examples of such verboten mechanisms are the use of capitalised sentences, mock French accents for the Gauls and a random German doctor character. However I think the idea of candy being fought over by the Romans is brilliant and inspired (even though it is immature).

So, I have to conclude that this is not a perfect AAR. But Iniquitus deserves a lot more credit than he seems willing to give himself. Writing a comic AAR is incredibly difficult – I have only ever tried writing small humorous sections in my AARs, and that was ridiculously difficult to get right! Iniquitus has got it right, and his AAR deserves a hearty run through and a good chuckle.

Review by SonOfAlexander

Roma Surrectum et Rutum
A Roma Surrectum AAR for RTW by Czone

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Respecting the setting of the AAR, the title is in Latin. What does it mean? Well literally (except for a small typo) it means "Rome rise and fall" (Roma surrectum et ruatum).

Here is the introduction from author Czone.

Here is my first AAR. I intend to finish it. Praise is appreciated and I'll try to answer questions. Criticism is frowned upon, seeing as I'm extremely awesome.

...That was a joke.

Well, two good signs here.
1) Most important, a very first AAR with the intention to finish it.
2) The author has a sense of humor.

The Story
A story about Rome always does rouse my interest. It starts a little way into the campaign with Rome having already won its initial battles against Hannibal, and the Carthaginians expelled from Italia. The Romans are organising an invasion of Macedonia, ally of Carthage. What follows is a tale of hard fought battles accompanied by intrigue and rivalry between powerful Roman leaders all desperate for glory on the field of battle, and influence in the Senate.

All of the episodes written so far fall under Chapter 1: Rome Arises, but the opening post now sports an ominous reference to Chapter 2: Rome Falls! We have yet to see what that might signify.

The Writing
The story is conveyed to the reader in the form of letters, third-person narrative and conversations between the Roman commanders. The readability of the story is quite good, however a knowledge of Roman government and politics does seem to be assumed. My advice to the author is to also include some background information on aspects of Rome that impact the campaign: the Senate, Families etc. that the casual reader might be unaware of.

The writing itself is workman-like, but it serves its purpose of furthering the plot quite well enough.

Pictures and Fonts
The battle pictures all depict close-quarters action. This serves to create a feeling of immersion in the battle narrative, but doesn't help the reader understand the battle as a whole. This job falls to the text. Luckily the battle manoeuvres don't appear to be all that complex, at least not against the Macedonian phalanx armies.

Some Legion on Phalanx action

The standard Roman tactic against an unsupported phalanx

A suicidal AI general

There have been no campaign pictures as yet, just a couple of battle results screen-shots (which would have looked much better scaled down to about half the size). Czone uses large text (on one occasion very large indeed) to distinguish his letters from the main text, but I don't think this works very well. Perhaps indentation or a different font or text-color might have been more effective.

Conclusion
Overall, the author has done a good job here. There is a substantial amount of story built up in a short time, and plenty of possibilities for future developments which readers can mull over.

Sadly there have been no updates since August 6th, so if your interest is at all piqued by this review, get on over to Czone's thread and give him some encouragement.

Review by m_1512

Northumbria Blood and Gold
A Last Kingdom AAR for M2TW by esaciar

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

This is an AAR by esaciar, our esteemed fellow in the Critic's Quill. It is one of those AARs that are really novels in disguise, the game (so to speak) being given away by the sheer depth of the story and the density of ideas and references in the text.

The Story
This story is about Stigweard Ruadhan, a Northumbrian squire. The AAR follows the life of this warrior. A thing to commend is the authentic feel of Northumbria and its customs in the AAR. This might be connected with esaciar being Northumbrian himself.

Author's Introduction:

My name is Stigweard Ruadhan of Hereteu and I am a Northumbrian. I am the son of Galenhæst and our family have been raised as Thegns to local Ealdormen for generations. As such our weregild – or our worth to our community; monetarily, militarily and socially – was as such a heavy price, though it paled into mere pittance in comparison with others in the kingdom.

We lived on the savage coast of Northumbria, our bluffs white with the crests of wild waves from the heaving grey seas beyond us. We settled the lands of the ‘hæstapa’ or the ‘noble stags’ and they, along with our ancestors bore us great fortune. The gods still walk among those lands for we would make them a great home there.

We are a proud people, though there were little more than thirty of us within our village, we grew strong with that pride, we grew powerful and we made a many great and fearsome enemies. But my story does not begin there. It begins many long years back – when the skies thundered above us and the ground shook below us.

My story begins with death.

Are you still reading? After an introduction like that I would expect many of you to have already followed the link to the AAR to find out more! But just in case anyone is still here, I'll continue.

Writing
The story is in the first person, Stigweard Ruadhan narrating. Thus far it has been a rite of passage for Stigweard, his first experience of battle coinciding with the coming of the Danes. As Stigweard's character grows in stature, he is faced with apocalyptic events that sweep away almost everyone he knows and threaten his whole society. It is a grim tale, dark and brooding, perhaps in-keeping with a bleak and windswept Northumbrian winter. Readers should expect that if any happiness does eventually come Stigweard's way, it will be suffused with a strong dose of the macabre.

In the meantime, you can take comfort in the fact that each episode is a well-formed mini-story, with a conclusion and a hint of things to come. You may also find that you have extended your vocabulary, esaciar having an assured command of English and a seemingly encyclopaedic knowledge of medieval Northumbria.

Pictures and Fonts
Esaciar has gathered his pictures together from many sources. There are indeed screen-shots from the campaign, but these are supplemented with a self-edited map, landscapes, pictures of re-enactors, and possibly even movie images.

In order to make all of these disparate images harmonise together, esaciar processes them to give an oil-painting effect with ragged borders.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

All the pictures are superbly edited and placed. In fact they are so good that I would really like to know his exact method for use in my own work. These pictures reinforce the text in creating the dark and brooding atmosphere of the whole work. It is a fine demonstration of how properly handled illustrations can enhance a story.

Just one small criticism, many of the images were too large for my screen (hence the spoilers above). It would really be nice to see them sized to avoid the need for immersion-breaking horizontal scrolling.

A single font, Book Antiqua, has been selected for the whole work. I think that fonts are important, not just for readability, but also because they should not clash with the period being described. Esaciar also avoids the trap of using too many different fonts, relying on just size and italics to distinguish the body of the story from main and sub-titles. Hats off to esaciar.

Conclusion
The "X-Factor" for this AAR has to be the atmosphere and sense of place that esaciar has succeeded in creating with this AAR. Everything serves to reinforce this: the pictures; the strict adherence to first-person narrative; the use of Anglo-Saxon terms and place-names; and Stigweard's position as an inexperienced youth pitched suddenly into the terrors of battle.

I can only hope that esaciar is able to keep up the pace. The more you read, the more emotional investment you will have in the story, and the more important it becomes to know how it is going to turn out!

So it's time to make your choice... is it Blood you want most? Or Gold?

Review by m_1512

The Expedition: A Portuguese AAR
An ETW AAR by Sconderix

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Another first AAR from another new member. Sconderix brings us a quite refreshing AAR: The Expedition, packed with thrills and dangers.

A note from the author:

Hello fellow TW Players, this AAR will be my first, and is being played on the easiest difficulty because I am a terrible TW Player, but I want to write this out as more of a story, so obviously there won't be historical accuracy. Basically a revolution took place in the first few turns which turned Portugal from a Constitutional Monarchy, into a Republic, now the characters starred in this story must now face the challenges of starting a land of the people, surrounded by a land of Kings.

This does look promising. Well, to keep things brisk, On to the Review!

Story
Portugal is a newly-born Democracy, surrounded by Lands of Kings. A beleaguered President loved only by his parliament, while in Europe, the Kings shout in unison "Off with their heads!". An interesting plot without doubt. Scope for Romance, Adventure, and Action.

The story mostly follows Francisco, an ordinary soldier in the armies of Portugal. The action begins in the Portuguese enclave of Goa in India, and later transfers to northern Canada! Portugal may be a small power, but like Britain, France and Spain it has interests all over the world. And since, as stated by the author, this is not a historical documentary, you can begin to appreciate that the possibilities really are endless. So for those of you who slept through your history classes, wake up and begin to enjoy yourself.

Writing
There are three substantial chapters at the time of writing, with no doubt much more to come. This is still a new AAR, but I believe it has the potential to become an epic. I noticed no spelling and grammatical mistakes, though I am not exactly a grammar nazi, I don't check every line with a dictionary. It is sufficient that there are no glaring mistakes that would spoil the pleasure of reading.

Pictures and Fonts
At Last! Properly edited pictures, in terms of size and quality. The pictures you can easily see and comprehend. And they are relevant to the text too. A good job in this regard.

cropped and centred on the subject

a little space on the right to get you thinking about what they might be aiming at

who are those men in the distance?

The font is pleasing to the eye, and looks rich too, although I feel that the use of spoilers is unnecesary. There is another thing I would commend the author on, and that is the restrained use of colors and formatting, just a combination of Black-> Regular and Bold.

This AAR is very clearly written. The precise format and structure of how it is laid out is really commendable. Everything is in precise order and easy to read too.

So, why not embark on this adventure from the comfort of your armchairs. Join The Expedition now!

Review by m_1512

Pagan Vengeance
A Stainless Steel 6.3 AAR for M2TW by Skantarios

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

After winning one of the most difficult M2TW campaigns as Skantarios the Player then following up the unforgettable protagonist's legacy as Skantarios the Writer, this legendary AARtist has combined his superb player and writer sides in a third story: A Tale of Pagan Vengeance. While the first two stories revolved around the rise of the Roman Empire (in which there were several well developed characters, starting with the great Emperor), this story is ultimately about the journey of one man, Juvage, the Lithuanian-born Cuman general.

The campaign is a slightly modified version of Stainless Steel 6.4, and the scene is the eastern steppe, a challenging yet somewhat neglected area. Here the distances are great while the revenues are small, so a player needs to have both solid strategic campaign skills and the mastery of horse archer warfare if he is to survive. The Orthodox armies can be defeated by nomad tactics, but the time is not long before the even more powerful nomads appear and one can taste his own medicine. This setup is perfect for an epic and dark personal story.

The narrative is written in first person, just like IaS! and the Legacy, which seems to be Skantarios' strong suit, allowing him to develop powerful characters and deploy ruthless emotions. It is much more text-heavy than his previous works, with the first few chapters setting up the early life of the protagonist, providing the background for the story. This background is basically a drift from pagan Lithuania to pagan Cumania amidst much bloodshed, personal tragedies and an increasingly dark and violent outlook on life, as depicted at the beginning of the story.

As I live what I hope to be my last day on this accursed world, I take time to look back at the wreckage of my life. I have decided to write these words so that those who come after me may know why I did the things I did. I do not think they will excuse me nor do I ask them to. My actions have been reprehensible and, without this explanation, impossible to understand. I write only so that those who may find this record will know that while my actions may not have been righteous, they were justified.

One element in Pagan Vengeance which Skantarios has not been using much before is the dialog. Dialogs are very useful to present conflict in the story, and Skantarios maximizes this potential. Juvage's conversations with various Cuman chiefs, most notably with his superior and former master, as well as with members of his retinue describe the challenges and conflicts of his individual agenda. Another fitting decision from the author was that throughout the story we see the world with the protagonist's eye - don't expect regular updates on the world map, and even the diplomatic information and the Cuman affairs are filtered through what Juvage would know. This provides a sense of isolation against the backdrop of the endless steppe landscapes, creating a unique atmosphere for the story. Pagan Vengeance is not about whether the Cumans reach world domination, it's about whether one man gets his revenge on the world.

The emphasis on one character's perspective as opposed to the campaign itself gives flexibility for Skantarios to tell the story at the pace and with the level of details that are most convenient for the plot, which itself is divided into three segments. The first is Juvage's early years and military career among the Cumans. The second is the campaign against the Mongols, and the third is the rest of the story (just about to start), in which the protagonist presumably returns to Lithuania and have his final revenge. Based on his career so far, this revenge will probably be extremely bloody and cruel. Skantarios has a clear talent describing pain, suffering and the dark corners of the human soul, some of which we saw in IaS!, but it was not fully deployed until Pagan Vengeance.

While the story is about one man, it is important to note that Skantarios has a number of side characters that are great additions to the plot. These come from various backgrounds, and their presence is actually a nice testimony that the region in that era was far from being homogeneous, rather a meeting point of various cultures and religions. (This kind of drive for historical realism, even if for an alternative history makes AARs great.) These side characters add a lot to the story, but never challenge Juvage's strong and firm belief in himself.

There was more work to be done and I was the man chosen to do it.

In terms of visuals, the first note should go to the first post of the AAR. As a new concept, Skantarios teamed up with MasterBigAb for an introductory video, which was a big hit. The pictures in Pagan Vengeance match what we have seen in Skantarios' first two stories, but especially in Legacy. The campaign shots have a lot of extra work (see the character cards), while the battle shots are powerful. There are maybe a more than average number of pictures of the dead on the battlefield, but this actually fits well to the general tone of the story.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

One side comment I have about the visual aids is that it is extremely difficult to take good pictures of cavalry battles. The horse models of M2TW are somewhat two dimensional if shot from an angle or on a slope, like a hillside. Moreover, cavalry battle shots are only good when most of the horses are in gallop and don't look as if they are just standing around. Infantry animation in M2TW is far superior compared to cavalry animation, so this should be a caution for everybody who takes screenshots of cavalry battles. Most of Skantarios' pictures are well selected in this respect, although the blur effect in the battle against Genghis is somewhat out of place.

Skantarios' work has been praised many times before. Pagan Vengeance is an excellent example for two types of applause in particular. First, he puts a lot of effort into the technical aspects of his stories. Here we need to mention custom scripting ("Juvage the Lithuanian"), character cards and other tweaks besides the big breakthrough of the civil war in Legacy. Many writers try to take the best story from what the game gives them, but Skantarios makes the game give him what he needs for his story. Second, after the AAR style writing of IaS! and Legacy, he demonstrated that he is an excellent storyteller in the more traditional sense. Pagan Vengeance has a great plot and needs very little visual aid from the battle scenes. The campaign is in the background and the narrative itself carries the story, which is the ultimate hurdle for those AARtists who think about becoming RL fiction writers.

I had the chance to review Legacy earlier. From a technical perspective, it was a clear development after IaS!, and as I noted then, it was more of a writer's challenge than a player's one. Pagan Vengeance has been the culmination of Skantarios' writing talent. In terms of the plots of his three AARs we cannot talk about a trilogy, but looking at Skantarios the Writer through a bit more technical eye, one can see three connected works with a clear line of improvement with each tale over the past one and a half year. There are probably more hurdles remaining for Juvage to get his revenge than for Skantarios to become a professional writer.

So if you somehow missed Pagan Vengeance, it is time to take this epic journey which leads across the eastern steppes with its pagan rituals and brutal warfare to the dark corners of a human mind. This journey will reveal two unforgettable characters of AAR history: a bloodthirsty and scarred general, and a talented and exceptional writer.

Review by Radzeer

Austriae est imperari orbi universi
An NTW AAR by Vhakazar

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Here is a story whose title hides a little secret. Have you guessed it yet? Well its acronym is AEIOU, which happens to be all of the English vowels!

But the title is not just a play on words, it is in fact the famous device of the Habsburg dynasty (although the correct form is "Austriae est imperare orbi universo"), and it means: "It is Austria's destiny to rule the whole world".

This is another first-AAR from a new writer, so we have the pleasure of having no preconceptions about what kind of story it will be. Also, it takes Austria as its subject. This is something rare, as most people play France, Britain, or Prussia in NTW. Well, let's get down to review this promising AAR. It begins with the kind of introduction you might find at the start of a Hollywood historical epic movie.

The Holy Roman empire. For centuries it was the greatest power in Europe. With the possession of both Germany and Spain, through royal marriages, and the powerful colonies in the new world, its hegemony of Europe was undisputed. But times have changed. The Hasburgian family was divided in several branches, splitting up its immense territories. Spain is lost now and so are the colonies. Only the German branch was able to hold its grounds, but also there the balance of power changed. Other German states broke free of the Habsburgian rule and disputed her power over the German people. Recently, Maria Theresia lost the seven years war against the new and dominant state of Prussia. And now, now Napoleon has forced the Holy Roman Emperor Francis II to abdicate. The Holy Roman Empire is no more. Furious, Francis II declared himself emperor of Austria and joined the Coalition again. He lost, again. This time Francis tries to remain neutral, but also to expand his reign. In his dreams he does not only annexes the French Empire, but the whole of Europe. Will Europe ever be one again, under the banner of the Habsburgian house? Or is it time for Austria to disappear from the world map?

Story
As the title states: Destined to rule the world, right? Well, my dear friends, in reality it is quite the contrary. The age of Napoleon was one that marked the terminal decline of the Holy Roman Empire, ending in its dissolution after the defeat at Austerlitz in 1805. But cheer up, being an AAR, this decline doesn't have to continue and the newly formed Austrian Empire can indeed rise from the ashes of the HRE to triumph once more. Yes, the beauty of writing is that you can change the course of history, make the dark and gloomy into bright and sunny. Well, back on topic.

The story is about Austria, and its joys and woes. All this while the Wars of Ambition (the Napoleonic wars) rage on. The story follows the Austrian Empire as they fight, for the restoration of the old order, the divine right of the Bourbons to rule France.

Writing
There isn't a huge amount of writing here to review yet as this AAR is new. But we can expect more soon. In the couple of chapters I have read so far, pictures dominate over text. An old saying tells me, "Different people, different tastes". But for my taste, I would really prefer more cool and soothing writing and fewer pictures. But I deem many other readers might prefer the opposite.

What writing there is is quite impressive. The style of English is rather formal but that does not spoil the magic. To the author, Good Job Sir, no one could presume that English was your second language, had you not mentioned it.

Pictures
There are many screen-shots, sadly they are at fairly low resolution (no doubt due to the author's equipment). Here is a typical battle picture.

As a strong believer in the sparing usage of pictures, I would suggest the following.

Only include relevant pictures i.e. just those sufficient to convey clearer meaning, would do the trick.
Resizing. Especially important as readers don't like to have to do a lot of horizontal scrolling.

The rest is all good.

X-Factor
Hmm, not exactly an easy topic here. But I got just the trick to make this affair interesting.

The AEIOU Awards!

1st Place. The title. Simply awesome.
2nd Place. The catchy chapter names, such as: Episode I: Hit the road Massena! Although, I doubt Massena would had been amused.
3rd Place. A good plot, quite flexible able to be changed onto any course the author might choose.

Now that the award ceremony is over it's time to conclude this review. This is a promising new AAR and it is the duty of all of us to encourage the new talent on TWC. So please show support for this author with reps and encouragements.

Review by m_1512

Uniting Islam
A Stainless Steel 6.4 AAR for M2TW by Sandalfon

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

I was surfing the AAR section when this one caught my eye. The title itself suggested promise. So I start reading. And by Jove, I was right. So let's get into it right away.

Author's note

This is the first AAR I submit on these forums, and I hope you'll enjoy it

I must tell you that English isn't my native language, so you might see some spelling mistakes... I will be more than happy to correct them, so don't hesitate to tell me

Some precisions:
-The campaign is played on VH/VH difficulty, Early Era Campaign, Savage AI, 4 turn per year.

I choose 4 turn per year because I don't want Timurtas to die of age in 50 turns... That wouldn't make a very interesting AAR...

Story
The story is about the turmoil of the crusades era. It is narrated from the perspective of Timurtas Muhammed, a grandson of the Shah of Persia. A story of a boy, born as third son in a royal family. As most of you can guess, this a bad position, being all but cut off from the throne.

The protagonist, a bright lad, presumably destined to be governor of some minor province. But he has a talent for military tactics, quite similar to the life story of Napoleon. The boy is born in the time of the crusades, told by all to accept it as their fate. But, would he?

I never believed in these words. We must stay passive when heathens knock at our door, ready to destroy us all? We must accept our own death without even try to fight back?!

This seemed incomprehensible, but how could a little boy contradict the wise speech of an old Imam?

But no more. We must be strong. We must stand together. For the Qur'an is the words of God.

Writing
Going through the posts, I realized the bulk of the writing was done in a span of just sixteen days. And it looks like there is plenty more coming.

The writing is actually rather good, especially in terms of delivery and speech, despite the non-standard phrasing and choice of words. It is legible and also quite enjoyable. I believe good writing is not so just about error-free sentences, but also about achieving a method or technique where the reader overlooks grammar and spelling mistakes. In simple words, one that conveys meaning and drama properly. The reader is then caught up in the story itself rather than the mere words which comprise it.

Language
As the author mentioned above, English is a second language. There are spelling mistakes of course. But of more importance is the fact that the author accepts the possibility of error, and is open towards corrections and suggestions for improvement.

Pictures
The pictures are good (M2TW always looks good). But I have a word of advice for the author. Reducing the pictures slightly (something which is easy to do with GIMP or even Paint) would make it doubly enjoyable. Also, the pictures do credit to the AAR, so yes, they certainly are good.

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

X-Factor
The story is written with a certain passion, one that I am afraid I cannot explain myself in words. When someone writes a piece with their full heart and soul, it transfers into the story enriches it. This is a relatively new AAR, so for me the x-factor currently rests in the possibilities of its plot. But there will be more I'm sure in due course.

So, please help boost the enthusiasm of the new talents. In return we will all benefit from more good stories to read, enjoy, and review.

Review by m_1512

Sons Of Alexander - The Revival Of The Kingdom of Macedon
An Roma Surrectum II AAR for RTW by TheJim

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Now, of course, I have plenty of reasons for reviewing TheJim’s AAR in addition to the clear attraction of its title including my own name

Indeed, it is encouraging from the start: a simple yet strong route to take, a Macedon AAR, well presented explanation on the first page of which a part is:

I will not be going too in depth with creative writing and storyline, and as such this will be a fairly concise AAR, but with plenty of pretty pictures!

And of course, it uses the excellent RS2 mod of RTW (which yours truly had the pleasure of helping to create and writing the odd unit card for

) So, without further ado…

So, the start is… ‘predictable’. I say that in a good way, but with a word of warning – many potential readers might be put off, thinking that this AAR is in the same vein as so many others (oh no, not another ‘Can Macedonia conquer other Greeks?’). However, whilst the beginning is fairly stock – a nice picture to start the first chapter, with some map shots explaining the campaign situations at the onset of RS2 and showing the attempts to prepare for the coming fight - it soon gets on with its main job of describing the battles. And what battles they are!

Again, TheJim is due a lot of credit, but with a pinch of salt. Whilst his font, writing style and ‘spoilered’ pictures make for an easy to read opening, some might find the visible ‘stratmap UI’, e.g., unit cards, detract from the sense of realism which the author is trying to create with his prose. And he is certainly doing a good job of it, especially with the reassuringly-accurate-without-being-overbearing details such as the Battle of Pharsalus, included in the first chapter.

While obviously not being the famous battle between Pompey and Caesar (which would not happen for another couple of hundred years), it does give us a good chance to see how TheJim handles battles, especially in what is a battle-heavy AAR. As I have pointed out above, the historical side is strong – scenic wide screenshots help the reader understand the scale and layout of the army, whilst TheJim describes the historically plausible army formation in which he has drawn up his troops.

However, despite this aptitude, TheJim also slightly spoils his own illusions – by leaving the UI showing and failing to deselect the current unit when taking screenshots. With a modicum of attention to these minor things TheJim could do himself a good few favours.

(this is what I’m talking about, a beautiful picture let down by selection markers and UI :/)

Also, whilst it gives readers a wonderfully generous dose of Hellenic action on each update (surely that must be good for anyone!), TheJim should consider chapter length – I feel that episodes are possibly slightly too long for the average reader. It would be better if they were shorter (to fit the Twitter-trained attention-spans of the modern age) and more frequent (to keep audience interest at a fever-pitch). If he kept back some material and released it as supplementary posts, then the same story could well be even better received and more successful. This would help even out both the reading and writing workload without being a detriment to the AAR in any way.

However, less of me trying to nit-pick in my criticisms. On the whole, this is an AAR of which its author can be very proud, with a good following and deservedly so! With only a few changes, this could become a competition winner, especially as it exploits the strengths of its plot base and the visual/historical capital of its incredible mod, RS2. Well done TheJim!

Review by SonOfAlexander

To Conquer the World for Islam
An M2TW AAR by Scottish King

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

I. INTRODUCTION
To Conquer the World for Islam is a striking tale by Scottish King that details the personal accounts of the Moorish Royalty in their efforts to overcome the Catholic powers of Iberia and beyond. Scottish King writes a simple but highly effective story that keeps viewers coming back for more. Opting to use the vanilla version of the game, he gives us readers a unique perspective on a faction that is far too often underplayed on a game without mods that it also far too often underplayed. In doing so, he shows us just how effective AAR writing can be without the bells and whistles that come with mods, and he makes it extremely enjoyable all along the way.

II. STORY/PLOT
Scottish King goes into depth detailing the efforts of a recently united Moorish Caliphate to acquire dominance in Iberia. The motivation behind this effort isn't personal glory, or even glory for the Caliphate, but rather glory for Allah and Islam. Religion is a huge driving force for the Sultan and the Crown Prince as they wage war against the Catholics, and Scottish King makes sure that the readers notice just how deeply religion affects the actions and behaviours of these characters. Faith in Allah is something the Moorish leaders take seriously, and they do not hesitate to blame their failures, such as Sultan Miswar's at Valencia, with their lack of faith in Allah. What is most intriguing about the plot is how religion is being constantly manipulated to steer the leadership and military efforts of the Moors ever forward into Catholic territory.

III. WRITING STYLE
The story is told in first person, through a series of separate accounts from each of the different leaders. I personally like this style of organization and writing because it gives the readers multiple perspectives on issues that the Moors are confronted with. For example, early on in the story, an alliance is made with the Portuguese. In Sultan Miswar's account, he goes lengths to justify the necessity of such an alliance. However, Crown Prince Qasim's account shows a decidedly different reaction to the alliance, one of outrage at the thought of allying with the infidel. It's this sort of interplay between perspectives that gives a greater sense of depth to the events of the story, although there are times where the bouncing back and forth of perspectives can be a bit overwhelming. It's a minor nuance in an overall solid presentation of the story.

IV. PICTURES
Scottish King does a nice job at presenting his pictures. His images are cropped and shot at good angles, and they serve as great visualizations of what he is ultimately writing about, as can be seen below:

The picture above presents the struggle that the Moors face against their many Catholic enemies. It is also a testament to the strength of the vanilla game, and how it can strike as powerful of an image as any image in the myriad of mods now available to M2TW. The texture resolution isn't the best there is, though that is probably attributed to computer performance rather than anything else. It does little to take away from the strength of his images.

V. CRITIQUE
Funny enough, it is in this section that I find that the AAR is at its strongest. There are few critiques I can make that the readers of this AAR haven't already mentioned. What I enjoy most is how attentive Scottish King is to the constructive criticism of his readers. Whether it's correcting grammar/spelling errors or changing the spacing of his paragraphs and images to create a more cohesive flow, Scottish King takes the critiques to heart and does his very best to improve his AAR in any and every way he sees fit. This makes for a story that becomes much stronger as it progresses, and in turn makes it that much more enjoyable. I was greatly satisfied to see how quickly I found myself drawn to the story as I moved on into page 2 and then page 3 and so on.

VI. CONCLUSION
Overall, To Conquer the World For Islam is a great AAR, one that has gotten off to a healthy start and looks to have a lot of steam and motivation still left in it. I strongly recommend any who haven't read it yet to get caught up on it, as you'll soon find yourself getting engaged and immersed by the story in the same way I was. It's not without its areas of improvements, but it is a constantly improving AAR, which makes it that much more worth reading! Solid work Scottish King, keep up the great work!

Review by Thokran

Article Section

Controversy in Writing, and avoiding it

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

This is a small topic I would like to bring forward to discuss with you. I have seen many a good articles being put down, and the newspapers and media reporting about it, with a label Controversial. So what is this controversy? How does it creep in? For now, we will discuss it only in terms and reference of Literature.

First, the definition,

Controversy is a state of prolonged public dispute or debate, usually concerning a matter of opinion. The word was coined from the Latin controversia, as a composite of controversus – "turned in an opposite direction," from contra – "against" – and vertere – to turn, or versus , hence, "to turn against".

Well, that's the official definition, courtesy of Wikipedia. But now let us look a deeper into it, with only regards to writing, of course.

As the definition says, a topic or opinion turned against the person who wrote it. In simple example, you write a story or article about two Nations A and B. You, in your story, glorify certain period, or aspects, of the history of A. But A had, in some part of history, conquered and humiliated B.

The controversy arises thus,

A person belonging to Nation B reads the story.
He boils in anger.
Gathers support and rallies against your story.

There you go, about all that can be about it. In the example, the context wasn't so serious. But sometimes, some eras of history are sentimentally hurtful to people. There, you'd have to face the medicine as well as the burden of having hurt many people.

Well, I bet no one would like to be in such a situation. Here are a few tips, right from my Heart and Mind, and even Soul, that would help avoid it. Maybe you already use a similar list?

Avoid sketchy or illegal topics.
If you do select one, remember not to glorify the nasty things there. For example, writing about Crimes, Genocides, etc. can hurt people who have faced the horrors or know someone who has. That is why you must never ever try to justify or glorify wrong acts.
If you are writing a historical article, which is of academic nature, be the stoic academic, unbiased and true. Have the motto, Facts, not opinions!
Supposing you unintentionally hurt someone's feelings, be open and apologize.
Always try to include some humor in your story. It provides a contrast that helps with the appreciation of your main theme, and also leaves readers less likely to feel that your account is hopelessly biased.

By m_1512

The Beauty of Writing

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Greetings.

I would like to provide here an article, an article unbound by definitions or exact sciences, but one straight from the heart. Writing has always been an outlet of emotions and all things cherished by people. So today, I felt like writing this one.

History
Writing is an art?

It is, but an art for all. This is one where all can take pleasure, no matter who they are. But how did it all emerge? Mankind, right from the time in caves, liked to communicate with his fellows. The cavemen communicated with the help of pictures, about nature, hunting and others.

With the advent of writing, mankind got a wider scope for communication. Laws were codified, Administration structured with words, and of course, Creativity flourished.

In the Hellenistic and Eastern cultures, writers wrote poems, ballads and epics. You could consider these as a beautiful testimonies to creativity - The Ramayana, Mahabharata, The Iliad, and the Odyssey. The epic lived through ages, through peace and lull, and turmoil and devastation.

Escapism
What does writing do for the writer?

This is one question often asked, mostly by sceptics. I answer often, Satisfaction.

Escapism. It means that one can stir away from the nasty parts of the real world by stories. Stories have the ability to create new worlds. Worlds of Chivalry, of Knights and Magic, etc. An writer can observe a particular dark event in real life, and he can put in in his writing with just a small change, sunshine and justice.

Basic Writing
Anyone can write!

Yes, anyone. All you have to do is to muster the courage to just give it a try. And trust me, you would not look back. As a matter of fact, I was very shy about starting writing myself. That is, until I found this site. Then I got on board in the world of Books and Writers.

Find a topic which stirs your imagination and enthusiasm. Be it knights, elves or orcs. It can be even about magic, that's how Harry Potter was created. Find a plot, the characters to drive the plot, and a setting to fit the plot. Well, you are good to go.

So, new to writing? Apprehensive? Don't worry, so was I.

Take up a pen (or keyboard), and create an piece of art for your readers.

Good Wishes to all.

By m_1512

Foreign Language And Culture In Fiction

Spoiler Alert, click show to read:

Among the many and varied ways to add to the experience of reading a piece of writing, there is a subset which virtually everyone has the capacity to use, and use well: foreign languages and cultures.

Now, it is no question that Total War Center has forum members (and the Critic's Quill, readers) of all nationalities, ethnicities, and walks of life. however, for the sake of convenience and simplicity, we use English as our Lingua Franca (no pun intended) and American society as the yardstick for such things as a democracy (the extent of this comparison is left to the reader). It serves as a way for everyone to communicate more freely and share ideas and jokes.

However, the discerning reader may already know that American English in its currently-known form is remarkably absent from the periods of history in which the Total War games we play are based, and thus the writers among you may be wondering how to best represent languages from all across history in a format which is still linguistically accessible to casual readers. Hopefully, this article will help you make your stories, your After-Action Reports, and anything else you might write more historically accurate, and allow you to add that extra layer of realism and believability.

Firstly, we should probably take a look at what already differs from the English point of view. This is the most obvious one of the differences, and grows more pronounced as we scroll back through the time periods offered in the Total War series. I am referring, of course, to Names and Places.

London, to give an easy example, was not always known as London, and Rome: Total War represents that by displaying it by its name under Roman rule, Londinium. In a similar way, care must be taken when referring to cities and landmarks that exist today, but were not always so (an extreme example would be modern Frankfurt, one of the airline hubs of Europe but nonexistant in Rome). However, such things only really make a difference when playing on or writing about pre-medieval times, and as such this is the easiest of the hurdles to clear by a long way.

A more difficult thing to deal with is the way that names change with translations. A familiar example would be Herakles, who became Hercules in the Roman translation of the tale. Names given during the periods of antiquity are often more a description of the person than a unique identity, and even in feudal times do we know of names that mean little-to-nothing outside their native tongue (such as Genghis Khan simply meaning 'Great Khan', with the man's birthname being Temujin). Fortunately, these names are few and far between, and a few minutes' searching through Wikipedia should give you the necessary information to work through this problem. Adding in a note about the famous person's real name and how it differs from their better-known name (if it was used at that point) should easily add a layer of realism for minimal effort.

Example: Consider a Medieval 2 AAR, writing about the scripted event of the Mongol Hordes appearing from the point of view of a younger Spanish royal family member. “News had come from the furthest Eastern edges of God's world, of a man who rode with a thousand soldiers to every one of God's believers. These men called him by his title, by the name Genghis Khan. The messenger also told us of what was believed to be the name bestowed upon him by his heretic mother on birth; Temujin.”

The reader immediately knows who is being talked about, and is also – hopefully – given extra information about that person. A similar approach can be used when talking about places, perhaps a little aside mentioning the older name of the city or landmark.

The use of original names of people and places, however, is often rather shallow in terms of giving realistic touches, especially considering the revisionist approach taken by the games with respect to history. As such, the more culture-savvy of writers could do a lot worse than turning to Conceptual Translation in order to improve the immersion.

What is conceptual translation? It is the idea that, though many cultural ideas are unique and singular, there are quite a number of cultural concepts that mean roughly the same thing for different people, and only differ in how they are called.

For example, consider comedy. Quite a lot of comedy relies on the audience being familiar with the hidden ideas behind the jokes being told. The classic is, of course (No offence is meant or implied) the 'A _man, a _man, and a _man', where the first two characters react normally to a situation, and the last one doing something completely unexpected. However, there exists a massive number of different candidates for the characters, ranging from the national level (an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman) to the county level (a Texan, an Ohioian, and an Arkansian) and even the city level (a Berliner, a Frankfurter and a Hamburger). Thus, the joke can take on many different shapes and forms, depending on who says it and who it is told to.

In the same way, a story written from the point of view of the Greeks concerning the Romans, who used many of the ideas and emulated the Greeks, might paint them as being similar to a group of people coming from a city or region who stereotypically copy others, though the more general the reference, the more helpful it is to reader immersion. Another example might be of the Fatamid Caliphate members considering the heavily-Westernised Crusaders as being barbarians, which could be conveyed by characterising them as crude and vulgar nouveau riche, lacking in personal hygiene and with a penchant for coarse humour.

This is usually most helpful when writing to an audience you know, however, but can be rather jarring to use in an in-depth storyline. Perhaps, then, the wholesale use of Foreign Languages can help out?

The answer to this question changes depending on the subject. Perhaps using cultural analogies and modern-day terms alongside their historical counterparts is not enough, and the writer decides to use the home language of the faction he/she is playing as or writing about. The extent to which these terms should be used is hard to judge.

In our previous case of the Spanish royal family member, to extend the example, it would be historically accurate to use feudal Spanish while writing from his point of view. However, few potential readers are capable of reading this language, and differing dialects can confuse even more people. In this case, using genuine, full-length native speech is actually detracting significantly from the enjoyment that the reader receives.

An alternative to this is to simply translate into English (or leave it as it was in the first place) and use the occasional foreign word to signify that your characters are not in fact speaking in English. This, however, brings the new problem of deciding which words to translate with it. Replacing simple, everyday words like 'hello', 'yes', or 'sir' with local equivalents can have the unwitting effect of giving the reader the idea that the characters are only speaking with what is Just A Stupid Accent (warning: TV Tropes link), which is usually taken to be indicative of humour or parody, and thus rather counter-productive to getting the core message and the skill of the writer across.

On the other hand, translating such large and complex words and terms as 'revenge attack' and 'royal succession' into native languages with the intent of generating authenticity can leave a reader who is not versed in the language rather lost and bewildered; again, not a good thing. For an example: Koenigliche Erbe is German for 'royal succession', while Racheangriff refers to 'revenge attack'. Neither of these are well-known enough to be accessible, nor are they similar enough to their English counterparts to accurately guess what that might mean.

The best choice in this case is situational; the options range from giving translations of a few key words in the notes or as an aside to aid in comprehension all the way to writing a few lines of another language, and then having a character (an aide, perhaps) translate into the language that the writer is treating as English for the purposes of the story.

Given that I have done my best to illustrate how to use cultural and timely references as well as giving careful translations to ease the readers into the tale and immerse them in your writing, it seems only fair that I make a few notes on going the completely opposite way – that is, the Deliberate Misuse Of Translations.

(This is done mainly for comedic effect, and thus this section can be safely skipped over for the purposes of writing advice.)

One easy way to garner a few chuckles from the audience is to use completely anachronistic references for a character based on the nationality that they would appear to be were they from the modern day, such as a Roman having an obsession with pizza, or a scarred, battle-hardened Norman warlord showing a prediliction for 'a spot of tea'.

Another method is to use the idea of Poirot Speak: the liberal peppering of a characters' speech with simple and recognisable foreign words to replace English ones, such as a Gallic person saying “Et voila!”. This is perhaps at its most effective when combined with the visual representation of an accent being used, such as a Germanic barbarian warlord speaking in an akzent zat is ritten like zis, much like vun vould ekspect a stereotypikal evil-doktor akzent to zount.

In summation, the level of use of native speech, naming conventions, cultural equivalents, and the ignoring of all such rules is left entirely to the aspiring writer, though this particular writer would advise against using extreme amounts of any of these four techniques. With a bit of practice and a rough idea of how much the average reader might know of your chosen culture, you can achieve a kind of immersion which will stay in the minds of your readers long after they finish the final sentence of your carefully crafted creation.

By Iniquitus The Third

From the Editor's Desk

Another packed issue, I do hope you can spare the time to explore all of it.

Please give a big hand to this month's Critic's Quill writing team: SonOfAlexander, Radzeer, Carloginias, la coupe est pleine, Thokran, wowbanger, "Chairman" m_1512 and our newest contributer... Iniquitus The Third

And don't just read... why not create a story for yourself? Anyone can start an AAR, just open a thread in the appropriate sub-forum of After Action Reports and start writing. Or if you want to do something that isn't game-related, then there is the Creative Writing forum, home of Historical Fiction and Work Critiques.

If you are feeling a little more confident (or need an external goal to motivate you), then consider entering one of the regular writing competitions: Tale of the Week, the MAARC for AARs, or the BAARC for stories of single battles.

Next time we will have the Scriptorium Summer Writing competition results to review.

Finally, if you like what we do and feel like writing for the Quill yourself, just drop me a PM, I'd love to hear from you.

Juvenal

By the way, there are lots of other TWC publications and/or creative forums. To try them out just click through the pictures!

**ReD_OcToBeR** · September 09, 2011, 07:13 AM

Nice, great content and great issue as always.

**TheJim** · September 09, 2011, 09:08 AM

Thanks for the (mostly) kind words, mate!

I do appreciate the criticism, and have often thought about cropping the UI bar out on the battle map (but not on the campaign map, I like readers to be able to see my overall progress as easily as they could looking at the game on their own screen).

For the benefit of any of my readers reading this, the reason I haven't done this is simple: I probably have more pictures per battle than any other AAR ever. As I am already pretty short on time in general and this would make uploading the pictures take even longer, I would be getting updates out even less frequently!

Hopefully when I start back at Uni I'll have a little more spare time than at the moment, and you might see a change!

Thanks for the review and the criticism, SonOfAlexander. +rep for you

Jim

**Czone** · September 09, 2011, 09:44 AM

I like the review of my piece, it does help.
One thing I don't understand, is the part about the letters. Maybe I made some kind of mistake and Chrome is being protective, but I'm using a different font for the letters. The size is increased because you wouldn't be able to read the font on normal size, but apparently the font doesn't display for other people?
Oh and yes, I do intend to start writing again at some point, but some other stuff coming up and no encouragement moved it down on my priority-list.

**m_1512** · September 09, 2011, 10:00 AM

Originally Posted by Czone

I like the review of my piece, it does help.
One thing I don't understand, is the part about the letters. Maybe I made some kind of mistake and Chrome is being protective, but I'm using a different font for the letters. The size is increased because you wouldn't be able to read the font on normal size, but apparently the font doesn't display for other people?
Oh and yes, I do intend to start writing again at some point, but some other stuff coming up and no encouragement moved it down on my priority-list.

Suppose you have font Awesome, and I don't, it wouldn't show on my PC.

As a solution, I'd suggest using the ones available at TWC.

Best Wishes.

**Czone** · September 09, 2011, 10:01 AM

Actually, they're standard fonts in Word

I'll look into it next time I've got some more time on my hands.

**Juvenal** · September 09, 2011, 10:03 AM

Originally Posted by Czone

...One thing I don't understand, is the part about the letters. Maybe I made some kind of mistake and Chrome is being protective, but I'm using a different font for the letters. The size is increased because you wouldn't be able to read the font on normal size, but apparently the font doesn't display for other people?

Here is what your AAR looks like on FireFox full-screen on my monitor (1280 x 1024).

As you can see, the letter has a disproportionately large font. If it doesn't look like that on Chrome, then that is really rather odd.

As for lack of encouragement, yes I know the feeling. You just have to grit your teeth and press on regardless. Eventually people will begin to notice. If you can get them to say what they like and don't like, then you can use that information to make future work more popular (should you want to). I can tell you that several of my Tale of the Week entries (some of which I really fond of) had very poor receptions. In such cases it is important to find out whether it is your writing skills or just the choice of subject that are failing to impress people.

So don't give up... full speed ahead and damn the torpedoes!

**Czone** · September 09, 2011, 10:16 AM

That does look quite horrible. I'll change it to italics and standard size for now.

**Sandalfon** · September 09, 2011, 01:43 PM

Wow...
I don't know what to say about the review of my AAR, except a big Thanks for m_1512

**Radzeer** · September 09, 2011, 01:48 PM

Excellent issue as usual!

Thank you Chairman M for the Trebizond review. "High-octane thriller movie"

Also, hail to the mighty editor (with three red ones

)!

**Iniquitus The Third** · September 11, 2011, 07:32 PM

I-I have been reviewed...

*falls to his knees, weeping tears of joy*

Ahem.

Thank you most sincerely for your comments, SonOfAlexander. I do realise that comedy AARs are very much a difficult thing to review unobjectively, so I am very grateful that you have taken the time to review my work.

On to my actual response, then. I try to make the humour as accessible to most people as I can, but I can easily see that I've sledged into vulgarity on certain occasions. (I'd change it, but A) that requires effort on my part (

) and B) it seems a bit like cheating to go back in and fix any such errors I have made.

I'm happy that the unit cards are so well-received, since it was inspired by a desire to improve the accessability of my writing.

I do recognise that the use of parodic accents is rather well-tread ground, and you may have noticed that in later instalments I've started phasing the Doktor out as a main character (partly because I started running out of inventions for him, but shhhh) and I intend to include a shift in my style in the next (bumper) update. Running gags may be a trusty way to fill an update, but they are also the cheap way out, and if I'm oing to maintain the quality I'm at right now I need to up my game. Can't afford to go any more downhill, you see.

Anyway, thanks once again for the review, and I'm melting into a puddle from blushing at being included as a writer.

Iniquitus.

**Tim1988** · September 12, 2011, 03:50 PM

A beautifully crafted edition which was a pleasure to read.

Thanks for the review of my BAARC entry. All fair points, which will hopefully be taken aboard on my next one.

**Scottish King** · September 18, 2011, 12:13 PM

Thank you for the great review! It was a joy to read it and I hope I can continue to keep writing up to expectations.

**Knonfoda** · November 08, 2011, 01:05 PM

I really don't know how the Critics Quill works, but I thought I would ask, is it monthly or every two months? Because the last edition seems to have been mid September and we are in November now? Please don't take this as impertinence, its just that I truly don't know what the timetable for the Critics Quill update is.

Cheers

**Boustrophedon** · November 08, 2011, 02:46 PM

Originally Posted by Knonfoda

I really don't know how the Critics Quill works, but I thought I would ask, is it monthly or every two months? Because the last edition seems to have been mid September and we are in November now? Please don't take this as impertinence, its just that I truly don't know what the timetable for the Critics Quill update is.

Cheers

Juvenal won't mind me answering.. (I hope!

)

The beginning of the new academic year and some our regular writers taking some personal time off contributed to a big delay. I am to blame as well for this delay in issue 30 of the CQ, my submissions were over 3 weeks late and I even skipped one submission I pledged to do. Shame on me for that

Things should be back to normal in the next edition though

That being said, I like how this issue turned out and the next one that will be published soon should be no different! We have some decent articles and alot of material got reviewed! Give some rep to the writers of this edition but especially Juvenal who was very understanding about our late submissions for issue 30. One hell of an editor!

**Juvenal** · November 09, 2011, 01:11 AM

The Quill is approximately monthly, but this tends to slip as we are dependent on the availability and enthusiasm level of the staff.

In fact Issue 30 is almost ready and will probably appear Sunday/Monday.

As always the Quill is looking for fresh blood, so if any of you harbour a secret yearning for a taste of the Critic's life then please send me a PM.

**McScottish** · November 09, 2011, 08:46 AM

Originally Posted by Boustrophedon

my submissions were over 3 weeks late and I even skipped one submission I pledged to do. Shame on me for that

If that happens to be mine, I will gut you like a haddock, my friend.

**Boustrophedon** · November 09, 2011, 01:28 PM

Originally Posted by McScottish

If that happens to be mine, I will gut you like a haddock, my friend.

no no don't worry. Yours was the first I did!

**ReD_OcToBeR** · November 11, 2011, 06:44 AM

lolz @ McScottish

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