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Thread: [DarthMod-AAR] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

  1. #1
    Primo's Avatar Jukutatsu shita
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    Default [DarthMod-AAR] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    Authors Notes:
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    -I play with DarthMod 8 on VH/VH, slightly modded by myself.
    With that I mean this: Large Starting Armys for every faction, 4tpy script.
    -I learn english since 3 years (it is a foreign language for me) so please give me feedback
    about my writing, and please tell me of any grammatical error you see.
    - Please tell me what you think about it!
    -I multiplied the number of men with ten to make it more accurat.
    - auc means ab urbe condita. It is the roman calender, counting the years since the founding if Rome (i.e. 753 b.c. is the year 0 auc)
    -Thanks at ChargerFlanker for his various corrections.




    Chapter 1: The First Battle against the Gauls
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 


    Thousands of feet marched on to destiny. Step for step the inevitable came closer. Flavius Julius felt how his heart hardened - out of fear and hate.

    How he hates the Gauls! When he was a boy, he saw his parents killed before his very eyes by a gallic warrior. Out of pure rage and terror he took the gladius of his father, a former centurio, and killed the monster. Swearing he would wipe the tribe out for this terrible crime and to avenge his parents, he
    fleed the village. Shaking in pure terror and nearly dead, he would have died if not for the kind Senator who found him - The senator adopted Flavius, making him a part of the glorious Julii family - Ancestors of the gods themselves.
    His new father was a political genius, and won more than one battle when he was consul. Flavius was taught how to spin a political web no one but him could understand, how to gain victory against all odds, and how to behave and speak in Public to gain the love of the masses.


    Flavius Julius closed his eyes. How he missed him.
    When he died Flavius was his only heir - With the inheritance money he began his political career, while he married the only daughter of his adoptive father, Julia, with a man named Decius Maxentius. He was a man with much influence, and - having become friends - with his help Flavius
    was elected Consul in the year 454 AUC (299 b.c.).

    In the Term of this office he lead the Roman Army in the beginning of the third Samnite War into Etruscan terittory - easily beating down the weak etruscan armys, he realised that if he could control this territory as a governor, he could invade gaul!

    He proposed multiple times an Invasion of gaul, which were all denied by the senat! How could they be so stupid?! Why are all the Senators weak old fools? How could they forget the danger and the crimes of the Gallic Tribes? Flavius didnīt know. But at this very moment he realised that the greates danger to the republic was - in fact - the senate. Inbred and corrupt, no senator represented a people he sniffed down upon.

    Flavius didnīt forget - neither the crimes of the gallic tribes, nor the inability of the senators. He became obsessed with his hatred. He married Faustina, the Sister of Decius Maxentius, and raised their 3 sons with two deadly objectives in mind - revenge and power! The gauls would be exterminated, every single one would be hunted down and killed, and if it would take a thousand generations for them to be purged from the world!

    After giving consulship to his friend Decius Maxentius, a gallic tribe sacked the noble City of Segesta.
    The city was turned into a heap of bodies and rubble, and empty space where Roman greatness should be! Survivors told a horrible story about mindless rape and killing, with no mercy, not even for childs. Flavius was no fool, and he was well respected by the Senators: By using the anger of the Senators, and calling upon his friendship with the current consul, he made them agree to an Invasion of Gaul - Under his Command!



    The Senate granted him the Governorship of Arretium and Arriminium. Flavius commanded now also the Garrisons, a full Legion and a 5850 men army.

    He feared it was already too late - Scouts reported large gallic Armys on the border to Italy, menacing the cities. As long as Flavius would breathe, no other City would fall to the cruelty of the barbaric hordes!

    He entrusted the safety of Arretium with his Lucius, who was his first son and heir. Arrimnium would be under the command of his second son, Quintus.
    And giving him the hardest task, he gave his youngest son Vibius command of the 5850 men army.
    He would march to Segesta and take it back, while Flavius himself would take the Legion to secure the border.

    In the year 463 AUC (290 b.c) Vibius attacked the deserters of the gallic horde -

    "They stayed in the city to live the
    life of a roman, Hah!"



    A messenger reported him about the outcome of the Battle a few days later:
    "It was a glorius Victory! Ten thousand were slain by the Roman Army, led by your glorius Son!"





    Flavius knew of course that the messenger exaggerated the number of the slain, but he still felt proud for his Son.

    The sound of a gallic drum startled him, stopping his daydreaming. His eyes took in the endless horde of a single gallic tribe. He was sure no barbarian could be his end, but doubt sneaked into his heart, paralyzing him, sending a cold shower down his neck.

    If did not know whether he made the right decisions after freeing Segesta. He was terrified of what would happen if he had miscalculated.

    He was guarding the border to Gallia Cisalpina for 3 months. Several times he and his men saw an gallic army, but none of them tried to cross the river to engage his army.






    The damn Senate! Flavius clenched his fists. They have no idea of strategy! What Sense would it make for him to take this Settlement, while facing superior enemy troops?

    But he had no choice. Failing the second mission would make the Senate "most displeased". They might even reconsider if they assigned the task the right person.


    He cursed. One of his bodyguards sent a questioning look in his direction, but Flavius ignored him.


    He had to sent his son and a small army to take the city, but that would leave his citys nearly unprotected! He could split the legion
    to garrison the citys, but then he would be an easy prey for the endless gallic hordes! After the motto "The best defense is the good offense" he decided to besiege Mediolanum with his Legion, forcing the barbarians to protect their own lands.

    And they sure valued their lands high, sending a 35 000 men army to lift the siege. Flavius 32.000 men strong army faced now the 6 000 warrior garrison of Mediolanum, being joined by the 35 000
    relief army - a grand total of 41 000 warriors.


    Before the battle Flavius explained his strategy to the Officers:
    "We will deploy the Hastati in the front, with the Principes as the reserve. However, we have no cavalry forces, apart from my bodyguards. Therefore, our soldiers will need to be flanked by the Triarii
    On our left flank are ruins. The enemy cavalry canīt come through it, and if they go around it they will be tired. The best spearmen of the world - Roman Spearmen- shall await their foolish charge! Behind the Triarii we place our velites, so that the flanks are secure. Our archers shall be behind the Principes, so they will cause heavy casualties yet be out of harm's way. May the gods be with us!"



    The enemy was now within missile range, an hour after Flavius deployed his army. He gave the signal to fire at will.





    The arrows, javelins and pilas flew in the enemy ranks, and many Gallic Warriors went down - But the charge still rolled thunderous towards the Romans, it seemed like the enemy ranks knew no end at all.
    The enemy cavalry - rightly fearing the triarii at the flanks - charged together with the infantry in one big line towards the Hastati.

    Now the gallic warriors have reached the hastati.

    But the hastati hold the line - and the gallic warriors, tired from the long march and charge, were an easy prey for the archers.



    Flavius gave a signal. A trumpet was blown and the second line of the Romans charged. Flavius charged with his bodyguards to the right flank, to break the gauls there and to gain victory.




    It worked. Most gallic warriors lost the will to fight and tried to flee. Those who didnīt were soon dead. The battle became a massacre.



    The Romans won an import battle against the gauls, killing 38.000 Warriors while loosing less then 2.000 men. Flavius let out a cry of joy: This was the first step on the path of revenge for his real parents!




    The Julii now control Mediolanum, a city with mines and a large population as well as being able to control and guard the alps. But it is not over yet...
    Last edited by Primo; September 08, 2011 at 02:54 AM.

  2. #2
    Primo's Avatar Jukutatsu shita
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    Chapter 2: The Battle of Caralis
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    Vibius Julius was not a natural sailor. The rolling of the ship was unbearable. Up and down, left and right! These motions made Vibius throw up in front of his invasion fleet of 11 000 men and 160 ships. He cursed the sea, shocking some crewmen.

    Vibius thought of Admiral Oppius and the crews of the ships. None of them seemed to even notice the shacking of the ships. Only he and his men spent their time enriching the sea with their last meals.


    Admiral Oppius now walked towards him, perfectly upright, even with the flagship shaking like being under heavy bombardment with stones.

    "We are almost there, Legat. Within the next hour, our fleet will disembark in the harbour!”
    “Are you mad?! If we do that, the Carthaginians will know we are coming and can prepare!”
    “We are landing in their harbour, or we aren’t landing at all,” replied Admiral Oppius coolly. “This mighty storm wrecked fleets more mighty than us. It would be wise not to tempt fates.”
    Vibius turned away from him. The Admiral was right, but he wasnīt going admit it. That would mean the noble Vibius Flavius was wrong. He was never wrong. He just lacked a few necessary facts to make a completely true judgement. "So, I am going to conquer a harbour," he thought. "What a glorious day for the Republic.


    Several days later
    Vibius looked down upon Caralis, which was a minor but important city. It had the vast resources and location needed to expand the Carthaginian domain. Vibius would not allow this to happen, even if he had to face a superior force and would earn the hate of a great nation. The rough lands of Gaul, the war torn island of Sicilia, and even the majestic Rome were at threat.
    If only the timing would be better! The Julii could have concentrated on smashing the Gauls in Italy, and then they could have come with a large Invasion army and fleet, taking over Carthage and Caralis in a rush. But no, the Senate had to sent them now!

    Vibius thought briefly back to Admiral Oppius and his ships. Shortly after they took the harbour, the Carthaginians sent a big fleet to smash the roman one. Utterly beaten, Admiral Oppius ordered the remaining ships to seek safety in the harbour. Since then, the harbour was sieged by the Carthaginian fleet.





    But Vibius didnīt really care about what would happen to the ships. If the city was captured, he could simply force the citizens to build and operate the new naval vessels. Of course, Roman supervisors would look after them - with several whips.


    The city was far from defenseless despite having no walls. There was one large garrison as well as an entire field army! Vibius now had to fight against 14 000 Carthaginians with only 11 000 Romans.

    The field army was marching towards the city, and Vibius knew that he couldnīt beat the combined forces. He had to attack quickly, to defeat the individual armies.

    Vibius deployed his army in two lines. The first line consisted of the Hastati; the second line had Principes and mercenaries. The flanks only had his elite bodyguard.

    Giving his men the command to follow him, Vibius started riding to the city. Then he noticed the enemy cavalry of field army rushing to reach the city before them. Vibius gave a command, and his bodyguards started charging towards the exhausted light cavalry




    Well, at least his bodyguards charged the enemy. He prefered to stay a bit behind and guard their backs.


    Vibius and his heavy armoured bodyguards brutally slaughtered the enemy.

    In the meantime a lone Carthaginian infantry unit reached one of the main streets of the city, tired from its long run. They surprised Vibius though, because he had not expected them to attack an enemy that outnumbered them 10:1.



    Once again, brutal slaughtering occurred.

    Vibius reformed his army to guard the street. The rest of the tired, outnumbered Carthaginian reinforcement army attacked and were slaughtered. The Carthaginian General commanding the Garrison did not dare to come out of the city to attack the roman army, but instead prefered to see the men slaughter which came to help him.





    Now that the Romans outnumbered the enemy, Vibius attacked the city garrison in three directions. It was the third easy victory for the Romans this day.

    The Mission was completed, Caralis was now saved under Roman rule and Roman Culture would now enlighten its Population!


    Last edited by Primo; September 08, 2011 at 03:03 AM.

  3. #3
    Walkers_Shade's Avatar Ashigaru
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    Not bad at all. A few grammatical errors but with English not being your native language I understand, it's not hard to get your meaning across so, to me, it's not a problem.

    The only thing that might be are your images, even with the screen at maximum they're too big. They are very good images but they do not need to be so huge. And also, I think you should've exterminated the population of the city you captured, so many barbarians under Roman rule, you're asking for a revolution.

    Well definitely keep an eye on this.
    "Because I'm afraid... and because I have to remember why this world is worth dieing for..."

  4. #4
    Primo's Avatar Jukutatsu shita
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    Quote Originally Posted by Walkers_Shade View Post
    Not bad at all. A few grammatical errors but with English not being your native language I understand, it's not hard to get your meaning across so, to me, it's not a problem.

    The only thing that might be are your images, even with the screen at maximum they're too big. They are very good images but they do not need to be so huge. And also, I think you should've exterminated the population of the city you captured, so many barbarians under Roman rule, you're asking for a revolution.

    Well definitely keep an eye on this.
    Hmm. Donīt have a problem with the images - but I have a huge screen, too. I try to reupload them in smaller size.

    And It would be nice if you could point out the errors I made - Then I wonīt make them anymore.

    And about exterminating: I use this City as Recruitment base, I need Population. The others I will of course exterminate, but the first cities you take usually wonīt revolt. ( At least never happened to me)

  5. #5
    L-Burna's Avatar East 1999 Eternal
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    Very good AAR!
    [Col] L-Burna

    Support the freedom fighters of Iran, Palestine, Syria and Bangladesh! Resist the illuminati! Don't let them fool you!

  6. #6
    ccgr1121's Avatar Ishiyumi no shashu
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    I've only skim-read it since I'm in a hurry, but one error I found was this:

    It's strategy, not strategie

    Anyway +rep
    Traditionalist Catholic and Proud! And no, I'm not a paedophile, fool.
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    The only reason I didn't expect the Spanish Inquisition was because...
    Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 
    NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!!!

  7. #7
    Stingray970's Avatar Sōkō yumi
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    I felt like being the official grammar nazi

    I learn english since 3 years
    I think you mean: I've learned English for 3 years

    Thousands of feets walking
    I think you mean: Thousands of feet walking

    his parents died in an raid of a gallic tribe
    I think you mean: his parents died in a raid of a gallic tribe

    and as long as he would breath
    I think you mean: and as long as he would breathe

    Tenthousand were slain
    I think you mean: Ten thousand were slain

    He was guarding the border to Gallia Cisalpina since 3 months
    I think you mean: He was guarding the border to Gallia Cisalpina for 3 months

    They have no idea of strategie
    I think you mean: They have no idea of strategy

    A good Offensive is the best Defensive
    I think you mean: A good offense is the best defense

    He explained his strategie to the Officers
    Strategy, again

    killing 38.000 Warriors while loosing less then 2.000 men
    I think you mean: killing 38.000 warriors while losing less than 2.000 men

    a City with mines and much Population aswel
    I think you mean: a city with mines and a large population as well


    I'm sorry if I'm pointing out to much. I also noticed a lot of words that were capitalized, but shouldn't be. In the future do you want me to point those out too?
    Last edited by Stingray970; September 03, 2011 at 03:52 PM.

  8. #8
    Posantio of Umbria's Avatar Shisai
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    Nicely done.

    Though, I noticed:
    ... as well as a full Legion under his command.
    Additionally he was granted a 5850 men army.
    You could have made that two legions, the second force has a 1000 men more than the average legion, but for a long time legions could vary slightly in size, numbering 4800-6000 men.

    You picked a nice mod too play. DM can be a lot of fun, and very AAR worthy.

  9. #9
    Primo's Avatar Jukutatsu shita
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    Quote Originally Posted by Stingray970 View Post
    I felt like being the official grammar nazi

    I think you mean: I've learned English for 3 years

    I think you mean: Thousands of feet walking

    I think you mean: his parents died in a raid of a gallic tribe

    I think you mean: and as long as he would breathe

    I think you mean: Ten thousand were slain

    I think you mean: He was guarding the border to Gallia Cisalpina for 3 months

    I think you mean: They have no idea of strategy

    I think you mean: A good offense is the best defense

    Strategy, again

    I think you mean: killing 38.000 warriors while losing less than 2.000 men

    I think you mean: a city with mines and a large population as well


    I'm sorry if I'm pointing out to much. I also noticed a lot of words that were capitalized, but shouldn't be. In the future do you want me to point those out too?
    Thanks for doing this. +rep
    Iīll correct them
    The problem is - for me - that capitalising in german has a few rules which applie always: For example, nouns are always capitalized - after a few years you just canīt undo it, even if the nouns happen to be english.

    @Everyone: Thankyou for your kind words. I donīt know how much Time I will have to complete this, as both RL and HRTW remain priority, but I am sure I can complete it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Posantio of Umbria View Post
    Nicely done.

    Though, I noticed:

    You could have made that two legions, the second force has a 1000 men more than the average legion, but for a long time legions could vary slightly in size, numbering 4800-6000 men.

    You picked a nice mod too play. DM can be a lot of fun, and very AAR worthy.
    I multiplied the number of men with ten - both easy to do but way more accurat, if not perfect.
    Also, technically it is no full legion as it lacks cavalry.

    And yes, DM can be quite challenging in VH/VH, makes fun and you have epic clashes. But I wonīt always win that superior - I am not that good, and VH Battles are challenging. I won the above battle because the enemy was tired, nothing more, nothing less.
    Last edited by Primo; September 04, 2011 at 01:40 AM.

  10. #10
    Walkers_Shade's Avatar Ashigaru
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    Primo... you've... changed...
    "Because I'm afraid... and because I have to remember why this world is worth dieing for..."

  11. #11
    Stingray970's Avatar Sōkō yumi
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    You can change your username?

    I wonder if Applejack is taken...

  12. #12
    Primo's Avatar Jukutatsu shita
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    Quote Originally Posted by Walkers_Shade View Post
    Primo... you've... changed...
    Congratulations. Your Primo evolved to NIGHTMARE MOON!
    Quote Originally Posted by Stingray970 View Post
    You can change your username?

    I wonder if Applejack is taken...
    Applejack is tacken. He made me my sig. Its nice, isnīt it?
    Last edited by Primo; September 05, 2011 at 02:56 AM.

  13. #13
    Sekiryutei's Avatar Sōkō no yari
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    *pokemom evolving music*
    Wars of Rome: The rise
    A Modifacation for Rome : Total War 1.5
    The Welsh dragon, Ddraig


  14. #14
    Stingray970's Avatar Sōkō yumi
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    I love how you can go pretty much anywhere and you'll find a small community of bronies.

    Applejack is the best pony. I am officially crushed...

  15. #15
    Ishiyumi no shashu
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    I only managed to read half of this earlier. Good read, subbed.

  16. #16
    ChargerFlanker's Avatar Ashigaru
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    A good AAR Erik (you shall always be Erik despite your attempts to cover your mutant nature). I like how you conveyed the man's upbringing and how he wants to gain glory for his family, rather than please the Senate. I also like how there are many pictures, but also many words to compliment them.

    I shall address grammatical errors first. Things you might have to watch out for are the fluidity of the sentences, the length of the sentences, and the tense. (These are mistakes I make too)

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    Thousands of feet walking; Step after step the inevitable came nearer. Flavius Julius felt how his heart hardened - both because of fear and hate.


    Maybe: Thousands of feet marched on to destiny. Step after step and the inevitable came closer. Flavius Julius felt how his heart hardened from fear and hate.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    How he hates the Gauls! When he was a boy his parents died in a raid of a gallic tribe - He swore he would avenge his parents, or die trying!


    Maybe: When he was a boy, he saw his parents killed before his very eyes by a Gallic warrior. He swore...
    OR
    When he was a boy, his parents were murdered when the Gauls raided his village

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    Having fleed the village with pure terror he was found by a senator with a kind heart - He adopted Flavius and he was now called Flavius Julius,
    a member of the glorious family of the Julli, ancestors of the gods themselves. His new father taught him Manners, Rethoric and how to lead an army.


    Maybe: Having fled the village out of pure terror, he would have died if a kind senator did not find him. The man adopted Flavius, who became part of the Julii family. They were the ancestors...

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    When he died Flavius was his only heir - With the money he began his political career. Ten years ago he was elected Consul.


    Maybe:
    When he died, Flavius was his only heir. With the inhertiance money, he began his political career. Ten years ago, Flavius was elected Consul

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    His repeated attempts to start an Invasion of Gaul were all denied. All the Senators are weak old fools, having forgotten the danger and the crimes of the Gallic Tribes!
    But he didnīt forget. He planned and plotted, while teaching his 3 sons his wife Faustina had born him what he, too, was taught from his father.


    Maybe: As a consul, he unsuccessfully tried to invade Gaul...But he never forgot their crimes. In fact, this hatred became an obsession. He married Faustina, and raised their three children with one deadly objective in mind-revenge. Flavius knew part one of his stratagem was complete. Now, the Gauls could be exterminated even if it took a thousand generations for them to be purged from this world.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    After his year consulship a gallic tribe invaded the once noble City of Segesta.
    They burned most of the buildings to the ground, killed most of the population and took everything of worth with them.
    Flavius was no fool, and he was well respected by the Senators: By using the anger of the Senators he made them agree to an Invasion of Gaul - Under his Command!


    Maybe: After his year as consul ended, a Gallic tribe sacked the noble city of Segesta. The city turned into one filled with bodies, rubble, and space where the Roman treasures should have been

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    The Senate granted him the Governorship of the two Cities Arretium and Arriminium, including the Garrisons, aswell as a full Legion under his command.
    Additionally he was granted a 5850 men army.


    Maybe: The Senate granted him governorship of
    Arretium and Arriminium. Flavius also controlled their garrisons, a full legion, and 5850 extra men.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    He knew he had to act fast - Scouts reported large gallic Armys on the border to Italy, and as long as he would breathe, no other City would fall to the cruelty of the barbaric hordes!


    Maybe: This could not come with better timing. Scouts had reported large Gallic armies on the border to Italy, menacing his cities. Flavius knew that as long as he would breathe, no other City would fall to the cruelty of the barbaric hordes!

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    He gave his first Son - and heir - Lucius the City Arretium, Arriminium he entrusted to his second son Quintus;
    And giving him the hardest task, he gave his youngest son Vibius command of the 5850 men army.
    He would march to Segesta and take it back, while Flavius himself would take the Legion to secure the border.


    Maybe: He entrusted the safety of Arretium with his Lucius, who was his first son and heir. Arrimnium would be under the command of his second son, Quintus.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    In the year 463 AUC (290 b.c) Vibius attacked the deserters of the gallic horde -
    "They stayed in the city to live the Live of a roman, Hah!"


    Maybe: "They stayed in the city to live the life of a Roman. Hah!"

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    A messenger reported him about the outcome of the Battle a few days later:
    "It was a glorius Victory! Ten thousand were slain by the superiority of the Roman Army and its Commander, your glorius Son!"

    He knew of course that the messenger exaggerated the number of the slain, but he still felt proud for his Son.


    This is alright, but if you want to streamline it a bit:
    A messenger reported him about the outcome of the Battle a few days later.
    "It was a glorius victory! Ten thousand were slain by the Roman Army, who were led by your glorius Son!"

    Flavius knew of course that the messenger exaggerated the number of the slain. Despite this, he still felt proud for his Son.


    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    The sound of a gallic drum startled him, made him stop daydreaming. His eyes took in the endless horde of a single gallic tribe, not wanting to realise that they could well be his end.
    If he only knew whether he did the right decisions after his Son conquered Segesta. He was not sure, terrified of what would happen if he had miscalculated.


    Maybe: The sound of a gallic drum startled him. Flavius stopped daydreaming, and looked to the source of the sound. His eyes took in the endless horde of a single gallic tribe. He did not want to think that they could very well be his end.
    He did not know whether he made the right decisions after retaking Segesta. He was terrified of what would happen if he had miscalculated


    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    He was guarding the border to Gallia Cisalpina for 3 months. Several times he and his men saw an gallic army, but they were afraid of a fight.


    Maybe: He and his men saw a Gallic army several times, but did not engage

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    The damn Senate! Flavius clenched his fists. They have no idea of strategy! What Sense would it make for him to take this Settlement, while facing superior enemy troops?

    But he had no choice - if he would already fail the second mission, the Senate would be "most displeased" and maybe they would reconsider if they gave the right person the task.


    He cursed. One of his bodyguards sent a questioning look in his direction, but Flavius ignored him.


    This part is really good

    Maybe: But he had no choice. If he would already fail the second mission, the Senate would be "most displeased". They might even reconsider if they gave the task to the right person


    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    He had to sent his son and a small army to take the city. But the gauls would see his weakness.
    He had to protect his Cities! After the motto "A good Offensive is the best Defensive" he decided to besiege Mediolanum with his Legion.


    Maybe: He had to send his son...But then the Gauls would...He had to protect his cities! After all, "The best defense is a good offense"....

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    But the gauls sent - of course - a relief army. 6000 men garrison and 35000 men relief forces against his 32.000 men strong army.


    Maybe: Of course, the Gauls sent a relief force of 35 000 men to aid the 6000 men in the garrison. This meant there were 41000 Gallic warriors attacking his 32 000 men strong army.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    He explained his strategy to the Officers:
    "We have no cavalry forces, apart from my bodyguards. We will deploy hastati as the first Line, behind them the Princeps. They are flanked by our triarii.
    On our left flank are ruins - The enemy cavalry canīt come through it, and if they go around it they will be tired and charge in the best spearmen of the world - Roman Spearmen! Behind the Triarii we place our velites, so that the flanks are secure. Behind the princeps our archers will be perfectly safe, and will make heavy casualities. May the gods be with us!
    The enemy was now within missile range. Flavius gave the signal to fire at will.


    Maybe: "We will deploy the Hastati in the front, with the Principes as the reserve. However, we have no cavalry forces, apart from my bodyguards. Therefore, our soldiers will need to be flanked by the Triarii
    On our left flank are ruins. The enemy cavalry canīt come through it, and if they go around it they will be tired. The best spearmen of the world - Roman Spearmen- shall await their foolish charge! Behind the Triarii we place our velites, so that the flanks are secure. Our archers shall be behind the Principes, so they will cause heavy casualties yet be out of harm's way. May the gods be with us! After deploying his soldiers, the enemy was now within missile range. Flavius gave the signal to fire at will

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    The arrows, javelins and pilas flew in the enemy ranks, and many gauls went down - But the charge still rolled thunderous towards the Romans, it seemed like the enemy ranks knew no end at all.
    The enemy cavalry - fearing the triarii at the flanks - charged with the infantry in one big line towards them.


    Maybe:
    The arrows, javelins and pilas flew in the enemy ranks, and many Gallic warriors went down - But the charge still rolled thunderous towards the Romans, it seemed like the enemy ranks knew no end at all.
    The enemy cavalry - fearing the triarii at the flanks - charged the Hastati in one big line.


    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    The gallic warriors reached the hastati.
    But the hastati hold the line - and the gallic warriors, tired from the long march and charge, were an easy prey for the archers.


    Maybe: Take out the hyphen and say Gallic infantry instead of Gallic warriors

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    It worked. Most gallic warriors lost the moral to fight and tried to flee. Those who didnīt were soon dead. The battle became a massacre.

    The Romans have won an import battle against the gauls, killing 38.000 Warriors while loosing less then 2.000 men. Flavius let out a cry of joy: This was the first step on the path of revenge for his real parents!


    The Julii now control Mediolanum, a city with mines and a large population as well as being able to control and guard the alps. But it is not over yet...


    Maybe: Most of the Gauls lost the will to fight...won an important battle

  17. #17
    Primo's Avatar Jukutatsu shita
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    Quote Originally Posted by ChargerFlanker View Post
    ...
    Wow. Thanks alot that you made so much effort to correct it. +rep

    I will overwork the chapter a bit. Also I am pleased to announce that I got a nice story to tell as second chapter with quite a few nice screenies.

    Edit: Updated Chapter 1 to Version 1.1, featuring:
    + Spelling corrections by stingray970
    + Grammar corrections by ChargerFlanker
    +10% more content
    Last edited by Primo; September 06, 2011 at 04:04 AM.

  18. #18
    ChargerFlanker's Avatar Ashigaru
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    Quote Originally Posted by Nightmare Moon View Post
    Wow. Thanks alot that you made so much effort to correct it. +rep

    I will overwork the chapter a bit. Also I am pleased to announce that I got a nice story to tell as second chapter with quite a few nice screenies.

    Edit: Updated Chapter 1 to Version 1.1, featuring:
    + Spelling corrections by stingray970
    + Grammar corrections by ChargerFlanker
    +10% more content
    Thank you. Would you like me to correct further though?

    Also, you might want to describe if your building anything.
    "Flavius set about creating an infrastructure that would be capable of waging war against the Gauls. As a result, roads, ports, and traders began construction." You could add this to the part where he gains governorship of the two cities

    A description of the financial state of your lands would be good.
    "Flavius was also an excellent administrator. He managed to make a profit from those cities which he would use to fund his future wars.

    You may want to consider writing briefly about other events (Carthage was destroyed)/ showing your popularity with the senate or people.

  19. #19
    Primo's Avatar Jukutatsu shita
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    Default Re: [DM] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    Quote Originally Posted by ChargerFlanker View Post
    Thank you. Would you like me to correct further though?

    Also, you might want to describe if your building anything.
    "Flavius set about creating an infrastructure that would be capable of waging war against the Gauls. As a result, roads, ports, and traders began construction." You could add this to the part where he gains governorship of the two cities

    A description of the financial state of your lands would be good.
    "Flavius was also an excellent administrator. He managed to make a profit from those cities which he would use to fund his future wars.

    You may want to consider writing briefly about other events (Carthage was destroyed)/ showing your popularity with the senate or people.
    Thanks for your input. And I was going to write about it - the financial status isnīt a very good one. But it wasnīt part of this flashback. But I wonīt say anymore - keeping the element of surprise, you know.

    And I would be more than happy if you continue to comment.

  20. #20
    Primo's Avatar Jukutatsu shita
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    Default Re: [DarthMod-AAR] The divine Julii - For Rome, For Glory!

    Chapter 2 is up - Thanks at ChargerFlanker for correcting it.

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