Chapter 2: Oh the places you'll go.
Part 1: Existential crisis
Whereupon two narrators debate the meaning of it all
Narrator 1- So...
Narrator 2- The Omani Pirates ... I- I can't do it.
Narrator 1- It just seems so meaningless...
Dead Meteorologist- IT COULD BE WORSE!
Dead Peasant 1- Aye, ya could be stuck in bloody pit, ya could.
Narrator 1- What's the difference?
Narrator 2- We're dead anyways.
Narrator 1- Can you even remember anything?
Narrator 2- Nope.
Narrator 1- I thought it'd be different, you know?
Narrator 2- Like how? Choir of angels?
Narrator 1- No.
Narrator 2- Divine light?
Narrator 1- Nope.
Narrator 2- Pearly gates? Rivers of silver, streets of gold?
Narrator 1- None of that.
Narrator 2- Then what?
Narrator 1- Thirty virgins.
Narrator 2- I see... *cough* You do realize that's actually a mistranslation, right? It's actually thirty crystal clear gra-
Narrator 1- Just- let a man have his dreams, ok?
Narrator 2- Fair enough.
Narrator 1- ...
Narrator 2- ...
Narrator 1- Man I'm bored.
Narrator 2- Maybe that's why we started narrating, had nothing better to do.
Narrator 1- Still, an eternity of exposition regarding the follies of others...
Narrator 2- But it didn't happen to everyone.
Narrator 1- What do you mean?
Narrator 2- Well look at these guys:
Narrator 2- Hundreds died, only one became a narrator.
Narrator 1- True. Maybe he knows something.
Narrator 2- Wouldn't hurt to ask *heads over to the Narrator pit* Uh, hello.
Dead Meteorologist- HELLO BETRAYER.
Yasir, deceased- Fiend most foul.
Dead Peasant 1- Pike off, ****
Narrator 2- *aside* Good to see they're staying classy. *to Narrator pit* So, uh, how's it going down there? Great times huh? I'd like to ask a question, just a quick little-
Dead Peasant 1- I'd like to ask you a question mate.
Narrator 2- What?
Dead Peasant 1- How big is your *** ****?
Narrator 2- How big is my *** ****?
Dead Peasant 1- Yep.
Narrator 2- ... why?
Dead Peasant 1- 'Cause when I get out o' this bloody hole I'm gonna stick my foot up your *** and I want to make sure it'll fit.
Narrator 2- ...
Narrator 1- Touché.
Narrator 2- This is gonna be tougher than I had anticipated, isn't it? *sigh* Look, just, when you died, did anything... happen? Flash of light? Judgement? Clouds? Really, anything?
Dead Peasant 1- Look ya thick headed bloke, religion is the opium o the masses, if ya believe in all 'em fairy tales, then I dunno what ta tell ya.
Narrator 2- Just throw me a bone here *gets hit by a bone* NOT LITERALLY!
Dead Meteorologist- THAT WAS MY HIP. HOPE IT HELPED.
Narrator 2- Just answer me dammit! Did anything happen? Or was it just a blink of an eye and boom! you're here annoying me for eternity?
Dead Peasant 1- Wouldn't say a blink of an eye.
Narrator 2- Really?
Dead Meteorologist- DEFINITELY NOT.
Yasir, deceased- More like a slow agonizing eternity as I choked on the blood that spewed forth from an open cavity in my chest 'til mercifully my heart stopped bleeding.
Dead Meteorologist- SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.
Dead Peasant 1- Spot on.
Narrator 2- I'll take that as a no. *turns to Narrator 1* Well, back to square one, I guess.
Narrator 1- Let's think for a bit.
Dead Peasant 1- That's a first.
Narrator 1- Shut up.
Narrator 2- We're dead. And we've probably been dead for a long time, 'cause we can't even remember being alive.
Narrator 1- That narrows it down to... all of history.
Narrator 2- True, but, hey- **** it. We're dead. Not like we're pressed for time.
Narrator 1- Time to get some answers.
Narrator 2- To the big questions.
Narrator 1- Who were we?
Narrator 2- Why are we narrating?
Narrator 1- Whats Dylan trying to say, anyways?
Narrator 2- Don't push it.