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Thread: The Helios - Issue VI

  1. #1
    Saint-Germain's Avatar Comte
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    Default The Helios - Issue VI




    The Helios - Issue VI

    A dusty ray of light filters through the grimy window of Menander's moodily-lit apartment as our hero angrily smokes a cigarette. He crumples up another page of sub-standard, angsty poetry and decides to write the next issue of the Helios instead. As he sits down at the antique typewriter, a bird coloured with all the flavours of the rainbow begins to tap at the window. Thinking it just another hunger-induced hallucination (his self-imposed 'spiritual fast' - in which he is allowed to eat seulement spirituellement - is approaching its third week) he curses colourfully and attempts to concentrate on his craft. When the bird refuses to leave, Menander moves warily to the window and lets the bird in and removes the message tied to its leg.

    * * *

    "My dear Menander," he reads, "I know that I have imposed many demands on you over the years, but I have one more favour to ask. As I approach the Uttermost East, it becomes increasingly clear that I will never be able to reach the Earthly Paradise unless the People of TWC respect their Signature Rules. These rules govern the allowable size of signature images and the number of lines of text allowed for different user groups. The rules affect the flow of the Telluric Currents - without which I will never be able to discover the Kingdom of Presbyter John. I must therefore ask you to bring these rules to the attention of the People of TWC. Thank you, dear friend, and goodbye.

    Giacomo."

    * * *

    As the bird becomes more and more tame, Menander breaks out of his introspective reverie more often, to teach it phrases like:

    "In modding news, Archer has made a bit of a breakthrough in the WIP Blood Mod click here for details.

    Chivalry TW has announced that they will probably be releasing a beta with a campaign in a few weeks' time.

    There are a number of fixes and patches for any issues with the Rise of Persia beta. You can get them in this thread.

    The Fourth Age's giant preview has finally made it to the front page! Scroll down..."

    "In Total War news, the 3D Unit Profiles have been revived for Medieval II: Total War. This week's preview is a German Zweihander unit. A New MIITW Gallery has also been opened. Both these new features will be updated weekly."

    and,

    "In other news, Lord Rahl has released some pre-made sigs. You can request the text of your choice be added to them.

    Darth Wong is back and at his provacative best with the thread entitled "Why do Puritans hate sex toys?" and seems to be getting it all his own way...

    In the Political Mudpit, a discussion of Colonialism is underway - keep it respectful, please!

    On a lighter note, have a look at The Ultimate Showdown.

    Polly want a cracker."

    * * *

    In an opium den in Shanghai, Giacomo waits.
    Last edited by Saint-Germain; May 31, 2006 at 06:35 AM.
    né Menander
    Under the covetous wing of Ozymandias
    Patronizing my favourite (not so) little guy, Turbo

    "With this weather, it might as well be Thursday..."

  2. #2
    militiaman's Avatar GEWar TWC Alliance!
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    Hehe, nicely done, it was a great summary of the news and I was a bit suprised to see Chivalry's release date mentioned.

    Now, I wont try to keep you, I know you've go to reach that opium den as fast as possible

    Under the Patronage of Basileos Leandros I, who is under the patronage of Kscott, who is under the patronage of Lord Rahl, who is under the patronage of MadBurgerMaker, who is under the patronage of genghis khan, who is under the patronage of GodEmporer Nicholas

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    Valus's Avatar Natura, artis magistra
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    Great work Menander!
    Good info from all forums presented in a nice manner... I like it!
    Under the patronage of Søren
    The proud liege of Mimirswell, Proximus, Rhah, Phaedo and EmperorJulian

    Former Moderator and Senatorii
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  4. #4
    Saint-Germain's Avatar Comte
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    Thanks guys. I was a little apprehensive about howthis one would be received, but it seems to have gone down well... so far
    né Menander
    Under the covetous wing of Ozymandias
    Patronizing my favourite (not so) little guy, Turbo

    "With this weather, it might as well be Thursday..."

  5. #5

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    Haha, well done Menander!

    Patron of Felixion, Ulyaoth, Reidy, Ran Taro and Darth Red
    Co-Founder of the House of Caesars


  6. #6
    Last Roman's Avatar ron :wub:in swanson
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    good job as always
    house of Rububula, under the patronage of Nihil, patron of Hotspur, David Deas, Freddie, Askthepizzaguy and Ketchfoop
    Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company
    -Mark Twain

  7. #7
    Søren's Avatar ܁
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    :laughing: Great one, Menander.

  8. #8
    Libertine's Avatar Neptune eats planets
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    rofl - Snazzy work menander

    I like it, the new style is less of a newspaper more a quiet insight into menanders food deprived life - makes me feel like a porker :laughing:

    Seriously, If I may take the time to critque it as well - I would have put a cut down version of the siggy rules in the second paragrapgh, say "User Signitures may not be bigger than xxx pixels X yyy pixels" or something along those lines, apart from that its fantastic mate.


    Gets the GrimSta seal of approval.....not that it means much :laughing:
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    Finland had unusually little to do with the whole New World gig. - Watchman

    Helios News Monkey
    Knight of the Lulz

  9. #9
    Tom Paine's Avatar Mr Common Sense
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    I love it! The ****-take nature... excellent. I want every Helios in future in this style... please?

  10. #10
    Saint-Germain's Avatar Comte
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    I don't know if I can keep the moodiness up, if that's what you're referring to (damn it, just ended a sentence with a preposition )
    né Menander
    Under the covetous wing of Ozymandias
    Patronizing my favourite (not so) little guy, Turbo

    "With this weather, it might as well be Thursday..."

  11. #11
    Obi Wan Asterix's Avatar IN MEDIO STAT VIRTUS
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    Great work Menander
    All are welcome to relax at Asterix's Campagnian Villa with its Vineyard and Scotchbarrel
    Prefer to stay at home? Try Asterix's Megamamoth FM2010 Update
    Progeny of the retired Great Acutulus (If you know who he is you have been at TWC too long) and wooer of fine wombs to spawn 21 curial whining snotslingers and be an absentee daddy to them

    Longest Serving Staff Member of TWC under 3 Imperators** 1st Speaker of the House ** Original RTR Team Member (until 3.2) ** Knight of Saint John ** RNJ, Successors, & Punic Total War Team Member

    TROM 3 Team - Founder of Ken no Jikan **** Back with a modding vengeance! Yes I will again promise to take on the work of 5 mods and dissapear!

  12. #12

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    Yes, superb work, looking forward to your next issue, hopefully it'll be introduced as originally as this one
    Proud member of Rise of Persia
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    Under the honourable and illuminating patronage of Perikles , reputable son of imb39 in the house of Wilpuri

  13. #13
    Tom Paine's Avatar Mr Common Sense
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    Quote Originally Posted by Menander
    I don't know if I can keep the moodiness up, if that's what you're referring to (damn it, just ended a sentence with a preposition )
    Not the moodiness but rather the mood, you know?

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