**** life!

[Italian]

1:35 a.m. on a school night and I'm spending this time as i usually do, rolling around in my bed waiting for sleep to finally come. However its not that easy. My brain wont allow it as endless thought after thought race through with no end in sight. I'm turning out to be an insomniac. These troublesome teen years are getting to me. Most nights I lay awake on the verge of tears just wanting someone that I can spill my guts out too. I wish for someone who would be almost like a father or brother to me and help me along and give wise counsel. I'm trapped in this world and extremely discontent with my position in it. Im finding myself hating everything in it and hating myself even more. The things I thought would give me pleasure have failed and I've given up. I've given up on myself. I can't help but wonder what do you have to do to find contentment. My future looks fuzzy. I don't know what to do. Help is needed.

I apologize for the meaningless topic, but frankly there is no place else to go.

[lt1956]

Pain and suffering Breeds endurance, Endurance breeds strength. Nothing is that bad in Life, look at it this way there are people right now in Africa getting their Breasts chopped off, Rapped to death both men and women, people horribly tortured, people Starving to death for just some Urine coated rice. We have it good, if we dont give in to self pity we will grow stronger, by sharing and knowing of others sufferings gives us strength. Really think about how bad are your problems compared to the people suffering what I said above?

Even if you say yours is psychological, Think of people that have NO HOPE in bettering their lives, no better jobs, no chance to marry someone wonderful. Nothing but misery, pain and death.

Remember this if you focus on Giving to those less fortunate than yourself, you will feel better and have no time for self pity. I suggest you help out at a soup kitchen and help those that cannot help themselves. You will gain strength by this and in turn this will make you a happier and better person. Humans do not do well when they dwell only on themselves, we humans are happiest when we help others. Please try it, and it may knock you out of this mindset. :-)

Lt1956

[Zuwxiv]

Pity is one of the many weaknesses which encourages weakness. In itself, weakness will lead to self-pity and doubt, and thus more weakness.

Focus on the positive. Surely you can find one good thing. Are you good at any subjects? Do you like video games? What is it that you want to do?

If you can't think of anything, then find something. Go to a library or wikipedia and look around till something interests you. Then follow that. Or focus on the social life, meet friends, hang out, etc.

[Italian]

You have a valid point and I will try it. Im not a stranger to community service, but it has been a while since. I would only argue that I dont think my problem is completely self pity. I would say that my hating my position in life is self pity, but lets say I work at a soup kitchen and see poor homeless people. I would wonder what my passing them soup is really helping. What is the use of helping poor people if there isn't a significant result. At times I may even envy what the majority of the world would call lesser people. I envy their simplicity.

Also if I were to be perfectly honest, I've almost always focused on other people when I was faced with my own complicated issues. I have a very religous father who always told me that my focus should be on other people anyway and I think to a point I neglected myself. There comes a point though when I can't escape my problems anymore. I've been racking my mind all night about these things.

However I doubt that you don't know what your talking about. I will see if I can't get out and do something.

My social life... I have a very active social life in fact. Thats what I always thought would save me though but actually let me down the most. About 2-3 years ago I had no social life. I went to a small private catholic school. I didn't get along with many kids there except for a few close friends. My best friend moved away though and I had to make do with the ones I was left with. I didnt have a social life then and I used to say to myself that if only I had an active social life then things would be different. Then I would be happy. A year ago I transferred to the local public school and there things changed. I made friends pretty quickly. Quite a few friends in fact. I am out with my friends almost everytime I have freetime, but I was let down. No one my age seems to understand me. I act like they do with them, but I'm not like them. I wish I could connect with them on a personal level. It's something I can't do though I would be thought of as weird if I shared my deep thoughts with them. Here is where I realized my happiness wasnt reliant on my social life.

What I like? This is what seems to be where my problem of self pity stems from. I dont do anything. I dont have one thing to be proud of and no one has given me reason to be proud of myself. There is one thing I miss a lot. I used to play soccer a little while back but when I broke my nose I stopped playing with no plans to go back. I didnt realize how much I loved that sport until I stopped playing it. Now I'm a senior and its to late to play on such a competitive level anymore.

My problem probably is self pity now that ive written more. One form or another of it.

[sephodwyrm]

Where are you right now man?

[Italian]

Do you mean where am I physically?

[Kanaric]

hes outside of this material plane.

[Aristocrat]

Not to be callous but your problems aren't unique, almost every teenager goes through a period like this at one time or another, yes you as a person are unique and your not the same as the "other kids" but thats how every single person (when their honest) feels, its just as teenagers that there is a pressure to "fit" into some category or another.
Also, I think you underestimate your friends, at some level or another they are doing the same as you, showing their public persona when their out while in a more private setting their different people (some people might not be like this but Ive never met one). Try talking to them away from the group and you will see what I mean.

Also, you don't have anything to be proud of? Its possible this may true (I doubt it) but rather then dwell on it, do something about it.
You dont have to save a kid from a burning house to feel proud. Set a goal (a healthy goal) and strive to achieve it, but appreciate the journey as well.
Some people take pride from the way they look, or how strong they are (this doesn't mean their arrogant, you can be proud without being arrogant), some by their grades. Some people take pride by simply learning a new skill and getting better at it. If you think about it there are things you should be proud about but aren't....probaly because your depressed (you sound it, and your posts hint at a few of the symptons), but I don't think its clinical (medically caused).

As for soccer, trust me when I say this, your never too old to play soccer (true Im only 20) I played for 12 years, every year of school (could of been 13 actually) but stopped when I started university thinking I didnt have the time. Well its been 3 years and Im going back this uni year, not because I rate myself, but because it was simply fun to play (especially when we won and I scored). If you dont have the time to train and travel for games get an indoor soccer team together and have a go at that (its just as fun and more intense).

And my advice (that comes from experience) is too get angry, get angry at yourself for letting life get you down, fire yourself up to start playing soccer again. Also, find something that really does interest you (for me that was computer hardware, and software...which I came late to) and you'll find yourself start feeling better.

Also, Im of the firm belief that a healthy body is one of the first steps to a healthy mind, so if you have packed the pounds on (kilograms whatever, I say pounds for the americans) start doing some exercise and you'll find yourself feeling better about yourself.
Even if your not overweight do some regular exercise it does make you better about yourself, soccer is a great form of exercise (except the pre-season training always made me throw up at the first session).

Also, seek some real help, from your posts Im guessing you dont have a fantastic relationship with your father (sorry if Im wrong). If you have good relationship with someone talk to them, its good to get things off your chest. holding things inside really isn't healthy and denial is even unhealthier. (Not that Im saying your in denial or anything....this is a post that has little structure).

My main advice is this though, its up to you to pull yourself out of a hole (even if it isnt physical), its upto you to seek help, its upto you to motivate yourself, and its upto you to overcome issues facing you, with or without help.
And focussing on yourself to make yourself happy and healthy is not selfish, realise that, you don't have to take on other's problems all the time, I advise that you stop taking on their problems (easier said then done I know) and work on yourself.

Also, self-pity leads nowhere fast, people become mired in it. You need to snap yourself out of it (for me I got angry...when Im mad Im a lot more focussed....its a weird way to motivate myself), or get counselling (yes thats right) so you can.

If I have any other thoughts I'll post.

[Italian]

Thanks pompey for the great advice. You don't even know me but you've got me down better than anyone. I've never been diagnosed with depression, but I've realized that I do have it... or at least some form of it. I suffer through bouts of it sometimes it can be a long while before I get it again. I never realized it before until I started writing my thoughts down in a journal and then i started realizing sudden unexplained swings in my emotions. I once wrote that "im feeling horrible for no good reason." and from there I get my ideas of self pity. I'm definitly not using depression as an excuse. im actually glad I pinpointed the cause so i can solve it. This is probably one of the better bouts I've had with this issue because I'm seeking help when in the past I just completely shut down and lock myself in my room for days. I have found that getting angry has helped me out in the past also. I sometimes stand in front of the mirror (when no one is there ) and hold a dialogue with myself and what I'm doing and where I'm at and what needs to change. Weird, i kno. But it has helped. You forum people have been great. Most of you dont know me well and you immediatly treat me with respect and take on my issues as if they are your own and for that I'm very thankful.


Zuwxiv, i wrote this quote down and carried it in my pocket at school today. It's a very wise quote. thankyou for it.

Pity is one of the many weaknesses which encourages weakness. In itself, weakness will lead to self-pity and doubt, and thus more weakness.

[sephodwyrm]

Yeah, I mean where are you physically? If you're really close to Berkeley I can probably give you a tour of the college.

[Atheist Peace]

I have problems too, probably worse than you. Just try to face your problems, and don't resort to seeking pity or something.

[0ldboy]

All I can say is cheer up and take things as they come. And yes, pay attention to what LT and Pompey have to say because its true, very true. Dont worry be happy is all I can say buddy. I was slightly depressed dare I say last school year (2004-5). Dont know why, just was. Felt the whole world was out to get me. I even put a stone of weight on. I managed to get rid of it now, and I am in great shape. It has boosted by confidence. (thanks bruce lee)

Anyways buddy, I hope things improve, btw - how old are you?

[PyrrhusIV]

Life is like a plum, savour it. In all of our lives we are forced to confront issues that we despise, we wish not to confront them. We fight these issues, we dislike them. Emotional pain is a tough thing to deal with. Sometimes, the hardest times in our lives make us the strongest people, tough times lead to enlightenment.

We always have a time when times are rough. Isnt it a pity, isnt it a shame, how we break each others hearts, and cause each other pain? We all grow stronger, mentally and physically, over time. My advice, Think about what is good in life, think about happyness, a good place. The only way to deal with unhappyness, is to confront it. Confront it with stronger thoughts, happy, laughable times.

PyrrhusIV

[Justinian]

Sometimes (most of the time) I've felt like you, Italian. It's life; life sucks. But the few precious moments of happiness balance out the pain, and everyone will have happiness some time in their lives.

That is the main reason I post on these forums; I tried to run away from the indescribable and unreasonable "pain" of being someone, but running away doesn't work. Grab life by the horns and make it good for you. Go out and have fun, exercise a lot, don't let your problems get to you. Just screw life and enjoy it and don't let life :wub: you.

[Kanaric]

I had problems in high school so I just hung around with people and smoked weed all day, hope that helps.

[Count of Montesano]

Italian, may I suggest you talk to a counselor, member of the clergy, or psychologist?

Insomnia, feelings of hopelessness, and disinterest in former hobbies or sports are all clear signs of depression.

[Farnan]

Italian, may I suggest you talk to a counselor, member of the clergy, or psychologist?

Insomnia, feelings of hopelessness, and disinterest in former hobbies or sports are all clear signs of depression.

I have those symptoms...and I know the cause (I am an Eighteen year old straight guy, guess). Though I can manage it thanks to my bit of wishful thinking and my religion.

[Last Roman]

well, Im not sure if i want to yell at you and tell you to stop the pity-party or give helpful advice. I think most teens have troubles, some are obviously worse than others. I had some pretty big family troubles awhile back and I did what you are doing right now, self-pity. That only works for a while and eventually you just get sucked into a deeper pity. Eventually someone told me to get over it, count your blessings and look at the brightside. Cheesy I know but it works.

[Scar Face]

Yea, I use to always get depressed. I really have had a fairly sucky life. Im sorry I can't be of much help- it's been a while since I've been depressed (and I have bad memory.) Basically all I really remember is I told myself to stop whining and being a little fag, I dont have it that hard etc. Pretty much like another guy said I used anger to focus myself. After a while I would stop thinking about that I was depressed and it would just go away. I dind't have to resolve any problems with my self or anything just shrug em off and set a goal etc.

Btw my mom has a depression thing (chemically) and she said before it became really bad (when she had me it only made it worse) she was often depressed. But shrugged it off. Basically she would just get a depression for a week or 2 every 6 months or so. As she got older it became more frequent and lasted longer! Think that might be the case with me? Are the chances greatned that you will be ''chemically imbalanced'' if your parents are? Just wondering I haven't been too depressed latley but I've changed alot and though outwardly I have alot of confidence Im begining(sp?) to doubt myself. Doubt why im doing these things and acting this way (Basically say am I being fake to impress others?!) Then I shrug it off... Sorry for kinda Hijacking this Italian :S I know it's about u

[Denny Crane!]

Take a trip to Africa, then you'll see what there is to be depressed about. Or you don't even need to go that far, go down a special needs home, or hospital. I just donated a few things to a fundraiser for a woman who came in and said they were fund raising for a stimulation room for the local special needs school. She got involved when she fostered a son with disabilities, he's only seven I met him and he's really funny and intelligent with a year left to live.

“Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the nonpharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality.”

Slf-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything good in the world.
Helen Keller