Reasons to become an Athiest
Religious people get enough crap here, time for Darth Wong to get payback
Becoming an atheist is a really easy thing to do. And it's fun! Just look at all these advantages:
When you die, you die for REAL - not like those wimpy "immortal soul" types.
You can take offense at EVERY religious holiday!
You get a 20 percent discount on your wireless phone plan.
You'll be considered "intelligent," even if you're not.
If you feel all alone in the world and think that nobody loves or cares about you, you're right!
You can make fun of religious people, which is hilarious.
You avoid all religious persecution! Score!
You can be a monkey's nephew.
You can marry people of other races.
You have no basis for moral indignation other than "because I felt like it."
You believe that life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness are inalienable rights given by Thomas Jefferson, who's now dead.
Your dogma is taught in public schools using tax money paid mostly by Christians.
You'll have no purpose in your life, except maybe having sex and getting drunk.
You get to believe everything in every non-religious book ever written!
You believe that male nipples are worthless by-products and not, in fact, what makes us "in God's image."
Your basic human rights are guaranteed by the Geneva Convention, and, if anything happens to that, all bets are off!
You'll never have to do anything nice for anyone else ever again.
You'll never go to hell, simply because you don't believe in the place. Logic.
You can eat any hotdog you want!
You can be your own God.
You can read Harry Potter.
You'll never have to read anything by Tim LaHaye. Thank God..er..yourself!
You'll be popular on the interwebs.
You'll never have to actually refute any points that aren't part of your doctoral thesis.
Wikipedia will make you an admin automaticlly using their OnlyAthiestAdmins bot.
You'll not not not go to heaven. Figure that one out!
You'll somehow achieve "spiritual enlightenment" which you believe is something that Christians don't have.
You don't have to believe anything. Well, except maybe nothing.
You get free membership in the ACLU.
Abortions are half-price.
The theology of atheism is so simple, even you can understand it.
You won't need communion wafers, which are incompatible with the Atkins diet.
You'll be qualified to teach religion classes at the University of Kansas.
You'll save money on funerals since you can dump your loved ones' corpses in a landfill, or make big money selling them to necrophiliacs.
If you get off on whining about how unfair life is, and how oppressed you are, you get the added bonus of knowing you'll get no justice after you die.
In courts you trust.
You can think for yourself, according to a recent scientific journal.
Everyone who disagrees with you will suddenly become ignorant.
You'll have a worldview that is scientifically supported by scientific science. Scientifically!
You're cited as an expert, even if you're not.
If you're wrong, you'll be reincarnated as a brainless microscopic insect! It's win-win!
Copied and pasted from Unclyclopedia
-Revan
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Originally Posted by imb39
