Worst Generals

[Jesus The Inane]

Ok, so we have had many topics regarding whose your great general etc, so lets have a topic in which you can tell us about your worst general. The general can either be in your family, or an enemy that you fought.

My worst enemy general was the heir of the Thracians. The first time I saw him, he had no traits, then he attacked me, and I defeated him, but he managed to run away. Next time I see him, I see that he has new traits; "Indifferent commander," "Indifferent attacker" but somehow he got the "Untouched by fear" trait, to my surprise. Anyway, time passess, and I attack his city, during the period in which he stayed in the city, he developed some revenues (priest) and some new traits, including something like "axebiten" or something like that, which made him valient but poor in the defense.

So I besiege the settlement, and during the turn processing, he attacks me. I had a small force, he had stronger force, and I had besieged the city from two sides; one my main force, and the reinforcements with two hoplite units. He attacked the reinforcements.

So the battle begins, and if he was a good commander he would have attacked with all his force my two hoplite units (who were close, real close to the city) while my main force marches towards the city (this force was far away from the city). But instead, he stays in the city, marches a unit out, but this unit of swordsmen do not attacked the two hoplites, instead, just marches along the walls... perhaps he was hoping to lure me into attacking that unit (the walls would have rain arrows down on my hoplites) but I didn't attacked. I was trying to march the two hoplites towards my main force before he (the imcompetent commander) takes out all his force and attacks my two hoplites, instead, I see the unit of swordsmen just walk away, and I look at the map and see that inside the city, the enemy forces are marching towards Easterns gate (where my main force is comming) so I suddenly stop, realizing that my two hoplites won't be able to catch up to my main force, so I decided to send the two hoplites inside the city (we had latters).

So my main forces gets closer to the East Wall of the city, in the meantime, my two hoplites are taken the Southern wall, and start marching in the walls, towards the East (I was hoping they'll reach the East gate in order to let my main force in the city). And what is the enemy forces doing in the meantime? Walking around the city...

I was expecting The Imcompetent Commander to attacked my hoplites who are taking tower after tower, but no attacked came. Finally they reach the East gate, and open it (by this time my main force has finally reach the city). The Incompetent Commander has positioned his forces ready to repel any invasion in the East gate, but his forces are exhausted from running around the city. I see no attack coming, so I decide to lure them closer to the walls with my light cavalry so that they'll be rain down with arrows from their walls!

And obviously they fall into my trap. They suffered many casualties and get more tired, till they retreat back to their position. Then I happily march my skirmirshers into the city, and quickly make them get up in the walls (so that they'll rain down spears towards the enemy) and no attack comes. I lure the enemy out again, and again they suffered heavy casualties, this time even more because of the skirmishers up in the walls.

To make the story short, afterwards is just an easy slaughtern.

The mistake of the general, I think, is quite obvious. I wonder if it was the computer AI who acted so stupidly or if it acted so dumb because it had such an imcompetent commader...

Anyway, so whats your story?

[Maethius]

I had one general who was an offspring from a wee bit too close family relationship. He had alcohol problems, psychological problems, he was timid, lazy manager, crappy infantry commander and finnally he was chicken. You know what happened he was bought off by the greeks. Go figure. :sign_ques

[Taelok]

Not so much a crap general, but... well.

Seleucid general Named 'Arses lol'. Suffice to say I put him in a boat and sent him straight into pirate territory.

[Sitarus Originalus PM-30+]

lololol
...and lololol
...and lololol
=)

[Maethius]

The name Arses rings a bell.

[Flogger]

I had a lame general.

[Toby Christ]

Once I decided to depress the Carthagians, just for fun. I was playing Brutii, but I had still taken Carthage just for the gold and plunder of slaughtering their people. But to the point, I funded Numidia, Spain, Egypt and Scipii with 10000 Denarii each to attack Carthage; everyone thought this sounded jim-cracking dandy and set about to join in on the fun.
Personally I bribed all their generals (Carthage) and found a chap who was not only weak-minded, corrupt, poor defender and poor farmer, but also imfertile!
The surprising thing was that he was in fact the faction heir and he was 58...
Now I dont know which one of his aunts beat him with sticks as he was a child, but the mongrel left my service when Numidia saw their shot at betraying me.

Note: I took Numidia's capitol and sold it to Egypt for 1 denarii. Humiliation is a polite term for my wrath upon upstarts.

[Marly]

"I took Numidia's capitol and sold it to Egypt for 1 denarii. Humiliation is a polite term for my wrath upon upstarts."

Thats classic lol


My worst general probably has to go some 64 year old garrison comander who i accidently agreed to let marry one of my 20 year old daughters (damn jerky mouse..i wanted the X ) *shudder* I decided to save her the fright of the honeymoon and send him off to fight some gauls all by himself, but he just wouldnt die!! He ran away so many times he ended up with loads of morale penalties so that he always turned and fled about 100 yards before the enemy. Needless to say his wrinkly butt is sitting at the bottom of the mediterranean.

[Slimshoom]

one time, my faction leader was a rly crappy commander and had 0 retinue in command, but i didnt wanna send him off in a ship because he was my faction leader, one time as julii i married one of my daughters to a person who was a better general than all my other family members combined, (i invaded egypt and parthia w/ him)

[Gunno_Desk]

My AI (Accidentally forgot to turn Ai control off) general charge into a spear of pikes (phalanx) headon with him leading the charge IN FRONT of his bodyguards. He died on impact and, although he was only a decent general, I have to load the autosave cause I was so **** off.

His traits aren't bad but this is a show of AI general stupidity on the field

[Overcloud]

Note: I took Numidia's capitol and sold it to Egypt for 1 denarii. Humiliation is a polite term for my wrath upon upstarts.

lol!

I love the way you humiliate a machine with no feelings. :laughing:

[Suomar]

Meh left one incompetent in my capital for too long then he became even more incompetent...
Then one day, a gaul general had the brilliant idea of attacking my brain dead garrison commander and his elite peasant police (3 bronze chevrons each with silver sword/shield). But... something sparked Marcus' mind (yes marcus is the ant brain), a divine light in the heavens. He ate another part of his cookie blanket then took a dump on his bed toilet just to be interrupted by a peasant lieutenant. "Sir! The naked unwashed gauls are massing up at our gates, we are under siege and our cookies are nearly depleted we need to sally forth to meet the enemy!" I of course rushed back to Arretium to meet the gauls, then in battle with my hastati wavering a miracle happened... The retarded one did something useful, by the guiding hand of god, he charged the gaul spear warband in the flanks and saved many hastati that day. Later on I built a fort and moved him there so he cannot hinder my trade and taxes but still enjoy cookies and milk, also sent the most loyal peasant elite guard to protect him from ninjas. Yes the actual battle and attack is true, his habits are just rumours from his citizens...

[GambleFish]

The best way to get an awful commander, at least in BI, is to make your faction huge and make money. Then, when you put someone in a city, he gets every single trait possible that reduces stats. You end up with a big long list of the worst traits possible!

[Sétanta]

i have an ERE general who got just about every bad trait possible.
he had zero command stars (if it was possible he would have negative one)
zero manegment (poor farmer, financially inept, scared of farmers)
zero loyalty (powerhungry)
zero influence (this man is not fit to run a shrimp stall much less an empire)

so i packed him off to cyprus where he got to sit outside the fine city of salamis for his entire life
he started out when i adopted him as 34
and he finally died at 94
and i kept meaning to give him a "special naval task force mission"
but never got around to it

[guyyug]

there was this wre genral with 0 everything and loads of bad traits and dropped moral of his men and he attacked me in the open feild me as allmari and guess wat happens. he beats me with him losin about 400 men and me double that i am so ashamed

hopin 2 finish him off 2day though he has endin up near my capital with my faction leader who is 4 command and gets +3 at night battles with 6 units of chosen axemen 1 silver chvron in eacha nd 2 lombard beskers 1 with 3 sliver chverons and the othet 1 gold and some hevey cav and chosen archers all at least 3 bronze chevrons he wont survive

[General Arturus]

The worst general I had was the second son of my faction leader of the Julii, anyways the guy was fat, lazy, gloomy, poor attacker, and a drinker and also a drunken uncle and didn't like the sight of blood. I used him once to attack a Briton settlement..almost LOST the battle. But one of the best generals I ever had was the faction leader's first son and faction heir, (you'll see why he is), who was pretty much the complete opposite of his brother, he had a 5 star command ranking, he was fertile, superior general, born general, and a good attacker and understanding of tactics. He helped me win so many battles, which a few times the odds were really against me but I still won battles with him every time. But he died like all people do when he was 65 while in a big battle when he was ambushed by Britons when moving from Britianna to Germania. But his brother (the worst general) died on Palma after being there most of his life. Well thats my story, later.

"The senators will put honey in your ears, and the only thing you will say is REPUBLIC!...REPUBLIC, REPUBLIC!!!" -Gladiator

[snuggans]

a 64 year old general with no traits and no ancillaries offered to marry one of my family's daughters.
that has to be the fastest NO i clicked.

[General Arturus]

Hahaha I would have done that too.

[Romano B.]

I was once offered a fifty-three year old General to be married to one of the daughters, this was in Rome: Total War though. After looking at his age, and then poor stats, I clicked no.

[!!!Kriegsbagel!!!]

When playing as the Julii, one of my faction leaders was angry and insane. These became common family traits that cursed 6 generations. I eventually placed the insane generals in an isolated fort near Massilia and forgot the whole thing. :sparta: