[XC-AAR] CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! Season III OMG SEASON 3-Page 23 start

[Zarax]

Ewww europe!

Just beware of Baktria settling, if they nest in a colonized city you may end up facing those guys:

[StealthEvo]

Day six; Rollin, Rollin, Rollin

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Whats happening forum! Righto firstly Again I will be taking a few days off from providing you all with Awesome Lolz and Sexy anecdotes. Unlike the rest of you. I have a job and I need to work Amirite?

But I will back...erm Saturday at the latest. Depending on how much I need to recover from Thursday. But I promise you that things will be returning to their awesome levels promptly Word.

So. Tune of the day. Feeling Limp Bizkit again. ROLLING

Fan MAAAAAAAAAAAIL

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Just beware of Baktria settling, if they nest in a colonized city you may end up facing those guys

Nuh uh!!!!

Actually, I don't have any personal experiences with other roaches - they don't live that far north.

Then what do you use with Waccy Baccy? Not that I endorse such an awesome activity...Any more...

If you gotta have faith do it properly
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZY6QXaKd0-A

EEEEEEWWWWW EUROPE!!!!

Lessons Learnt today:

You won't like me when I'm sexy
And i'm getting sexy
Mojo is a funny thing.
The Ai takes pain surprisingly well

So last time!!!!!! We were here. Bazza had managed to fight his way up north and the Southern border was for the most part stable. Things overall had calmed down and production of trade related buildings was increasing. For the first time EVER I was in a state of calm and tranquility. But things were about to change. For the greater awesome...

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So the boys from Merv take a step outside of the garrison allowing me to have a look at them. Those are not Bactrian Infantry but Eastern Archer Spearmen. Which allows me to breath a sigh of relief. Overally it's a fairly relaxed garrison. Considering that my heavy use of Mercenaries allows a good percentage of my men with two chevrons I reckon i've got this fight in the bag. Should they do anything stupid.

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Bazza is flanked hardcore by that second General that i've been trying to kill for two updates. However Bazza is feeling relaxed, strong and ready for round three. Will he loose again?

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Simple Victory and got the man I was looking for. Now I should be uncontested in the North. Plus with that crippling of the garrison. Should be an easy take over as well. Bazza is BACK.

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I took this screenshot for the simple truth. Mencius has not met me. Nuff said. I've broken his rules and doing it so sexily that not even Jupiter himself could stop me. I dont care what the rest of you say. I IZ BETTER THEN JEBUS!

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Merv brings all the gun to the party. 1001 men. going down

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So lets compare. 1001 poorly trained men. Against the battle hardened mercenaries of the Kingdom of Awesome PLUS and Elephant unit.

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This guy agree's with me. He's coughing Noob loudly. Even my boys know that they are far more awesome then anyone else they've fought against.

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My secret weapon. Elephant flank charge of awesome sexyness. They took the charge for about 3 secons before legging it. Then it was a matter of hunting down the General who was shot from behind for the win.

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Despite my General dying. His second in command brings a potential recruit. Which I need. Since Bazza is up north ready for his retirement in Bactra where he will be treated to beer and women of ill refute many many times a day. Plus the main thing is he is YOUNG. I have about 80 turns of pwning to get through with this guy (until he turns 60) Plus he can sing. I'm sensing some Iron ing maiden tunes right now.

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Cade taking the fight to the Seleucids where it hurt going last time. Note the number of elephants

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The elephants died. Shot in the bum by skirmishers...

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YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG HAHAHAHAHAHA ING SEXY. How awesome am i? They all survived. I'm not even joking when they died i was like. NOOOOOOOOOOO But they are back and alive and ready to eat some more Easterners.

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Bazza meets his target. It's a large stone wall settlement. Which I hate sieging. So I'll auto resolve this one.

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Bish Bash Bosh. Bazza is looking to topple his winning streak in style

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Cade taking his target. Note the equality in odds.

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THIS IS AWESOME LAND. YOUR ODDS HAVE NO MEANING!!!!

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Word. I love this building. I want to have babies with it. In 4 turns from then. I can build all the Bactrian units I want. Removing the need for mercenaries at the cost of the experience. Plus I think they'll be cheaper. But my northern border is now offically secure. Nothing can beat a Bactrian force with me behind it. Except for a real bactrian army. But they are down south. Catching some rays. Brahaha?

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My new recruit ready to topple Merv

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This was a Messy but OMG lulz battle. Having punched through the walls with my Elephants I notice that all their men are going down the other way to the center. So I manage to push my Ele's down the center road. The rest of my men are bogged down in heavy meele. The Ele's eat the slingers and almost die with the Skirmishers and everyone else on both sides ends up fighting in the middle. WTF why not just start in the middle. Stoopid Ai

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So the empire as present. Every Settlement is building something. So production is up for the first time in like ever.

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I know right. How it's done. Now I have peeked at the full map using Toggle_Fow and I iz scared....VERY scared. Theres big trouble waiting for me when I get back home. I don't think my roster can handle it....There will be a prize (rep) if you can guess what the trouble is. Saying a faction isn't enough. More deets below.

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To enter the OMG WHAT IS WAITING IN GAUL competition.

Post a reply with the following.

What the trouble is in some detail. Shouting out a random faction will not earn you a prize or even a worthy mention. Give your reasons for why you think that it's waiting for me. And any possible methods to allow me to break through and grab (and hold) the needed victory conditions from this surprisingly not awesome event.

Be unique. If someone else stole your idea. Just out awesome it and trump them with hyperbole and sensationalisation.

One entry per person.

[Blatta Optima Maxima]

That new guy is like ugly.

Erm, I guess that... Numidia has conquered europe and has 29 full stacks heading your way?

[Zarax]

It's likely that after his departure Iberia got everything west of macedonia and is now proceeding to make a huge welcome party for stealthy.

Nothing that cannot be fixed by a steady flux of elephants from India and HA from the steppes provided that AI won't crush him first, old style: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLDfc...e=more_related.

[Dave Strider]

The Not-so awesome nation of Germania has conquered their home, I saw because in the second-to-last AND last screenie, that there was a german province in southern spain. I would recommend getting a bunch of middle eastern units such as those archer-spearmen and teh pachodyrms of awesome, bringing a giant force of them(6+ stacks), and kicking their nazi asses.

[Publius Quirinus]

I would guess that Rome has blobbed over the Indie Gauls big time, but that's probably too obvious, yea? So I'm thinking monster Iberia taking N. Europe up to Germania? And holding the Romans back?

Very entertaining updates so far. Stay fun, dude.

[tudor93]

awesome xD
waiting for next chapter

[Gotenus]

Since someone else took my idea, I'll have to say that Britannia sweeped Germany and Denmark and is spreading south. Also, wouldn;t it have been easier to turn into a horde ocne you reached India to horde again and go back to France?

[Zarax]

Easy yes, wise not so much since by the time you'd be back your horde would be depleted and facing a well developed empire.

[StealthEvo]

Since someone else took my idea, I'll have to say that Britannia sweeped Germany and Denmark and is spreading south. Also, wouldn;t it have been easier to turn into a horde ocne you reached India to horde again and go back to France?

I actually did think of that. I was actually more comtemplating bulding a boat then hoarding all the way back on a boat. But I thought thats not the point of this challenge and somewhat against the spirit of the entire thing. No the point is create an Empire of awesome the old skool way and show people the right way to play Gaul. The man style. With ing elephants.

I have finished screenshotting and will commence uploading. Update soon my luverlies.

[StealthEvo]

Day seven; Sex Panther by Odeon. This stuff is illegal in 9 countries. It's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good

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WHATS HAPPENING FORUM. It's been a long hard two or three days....Three days where I've been busy serving up tasty champagne to the upper class and loving it. Well not really. I dont work for maccy dee's

FAN MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIL

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awesome xD
waiting for next chapter

You didn't have to wait long.

Very entertaining updates so far. Stay fun, dude.

Thanks for watching Channel 4 News. You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy?

That new guy is like ugly.

Orly didn't know you were on the lookout for a 2d sprite of a rocker. Swish!

Ok. Now there is actually some big news people. For those of you remember last week we had the OMG WHAT IS WAITING IN GAUL competition.So without further ado and thanks to the five people that read the competition and took part. All of you followed my instructions (not that they were hard) so your all in the running. But the big question is who won.... Click the spoiler to find out.

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So firstly I would like to thank my esteemed viewers for taking part and you all had fantastic guesses

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It really was a close competition

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ok enough mucking around

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None of you won sadly. Publius Quirinus if you had gone with the obvious. You would have arned some tasty tasty reppage. Better luck next time However if you can convince me otherwise to let you have the rep. I might be willing to change my mind

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Anyways now that rather amusing conclusion has been reached. Lets get the super awesome tune for the daaaay....Sifting through mah Itunes...Here we go. Tune, lets get a pit gwarning

Right. Lessons Learnt.

The Selecuids are fully deserving of any hate sent there way.
The Bactrians are ing stupid
I hate them both equally.

Last tiiiiiiiiiiiime we were here! The northern border was FINALLY back on track and momentum in the south was picking up. Plus my economy was starting to come into fruition. Win Win.

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So taking the new lad of Awesome that I have incredible hopes and dreams for and if he dies I will loose the will to shave my beard off for work. I sent him on another mission for the greater Sexy. I send him up north to threaten Nisa. This is an important province as it borders the Black Sea (I think) Lets just call it the not so awesome ocean? Eitherway MOAR MONIES

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Cade getting ambushed... sake HE"S GOT THE HUNTER TRAIT!!! I think...That might be why he got ambushed in hind sight. Someone remind me to check next update

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Fairly simple stack. Just a bunch of horses. If I can wipe out the family members I'll hit a nasty blow to the southern border.

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Only got one. Not even the good one either...But it's another victory for the Kingdom of Sexy Awesome

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Got me a flag. This now gives Cade a +6 morale bonus overall through traits and ancillaries to his units. He's turning into good general. Few more morale traits and things should be peacy for a mega battle against the romans. Assuming he survives of course.

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Cade found the Bactrians again. Siegeing Selucia. I think this is a good idea. But I've forgotten whats so bad about this town

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"Uggers" Sieges Nisa

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39 peeps and large stone walls. I'll resolve this one.

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I was surprised. I was expecting at least 100 people dead.

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Merv rebelled JUST as I got a new governer in to try and calm them down. Either way I do the awesome thing and hatch a plan. One unit of infantry and horse archers. However will I capture this town...In one turn...

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First part of my plan. Check Get the bad guys to attack my small defenceless hoard of awesome

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Second part. Check Crush them as they leave the town and let the horses persue inside the town to capture the gates, removing any need for a battering ram.

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Thats HOW IT"S DOEN!!!!!!

So lets summarise for those of you not paying attention. Looking in your direction Vlad. Get those head phones out. Right thats it. Detention after school, you will learn the hard way of how awesome I am.

1. Besiege a town that has a garrison that has rebelled with the surviving members that got kicked out. More horse archers the better.
2. Rush the gates as they are pressing out through the gates. Causing mass mayhem and much lulz as (hopefully) your lads take the win and break the units. Once one unit has broken (if theres no general family member) the rest should follow)
3. Chase the routers through the gate and capture it.
4. Proceed as per normal awesome protocol

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If your wondering what this is. It's what happens when I don't learn my lesson.

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Turns out that garrison scripts fires more then once...And the Bactrians were playing silly buggers and LOOK WHAT HAPPENED. ing horses...Their army of awesome is about to fight the only army of any size I have down south. And the Bactrians who fault this was. Didn't even bother lending a hand. Cheers lads...

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It became apparent that their line was three times the size of mine. At night and due to misplacing my elephants and the lag that I wasn't going to win that fight. I quickly got Cade out of dodge using the withdraw button and left the rest to guard his back. Surprisingly he still has +6 morale bonus's

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Sexyiness for "Uggers" Now renamed to "not so Uggers"

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So he's now pushing a bit to the south (but still north!!!!) Plans to be revealed

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Susa in big trouble from two armies. But as always I have a plan!!!!! Using a cunningly placed fort with a single unit inside for a garrison I position Cades main force, retrained but still not match for the main Seleucid force on a bridge. Where if everything goes to plan. I'll fight him there last stand style and hopefully do enough damage to stop the entire southern front from collasping...God that WOULD be bad. Makes my head hurt from awesome withdrawl just thinking about it

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Simple en route munch for "Not so Uggers" 200 Thorkies. Yawn.

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Worst Victory EVER Almost lost half of my army....

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Pushing for the target of the operation. Not letting them catch their breath I force the siege with the elephant and make sexiness

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"Not so Uggers" take another win.

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Next Target for the northern Front. Capture that last province and I'll have a strong border that can be defended and used as a full wall against them plucky Seleucids

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While the Southern Front seems safe for the time being. Cade knows it's going to be a long hard fight to stay alive and keep the Country of Awesome at peak Awesomeness.

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We'll call it a sess here.

So it's been '7' days since I started,

I pose a question.

Progress? Awesome or not?

[Zarax]

Good job, but you should know that clicking on things in XC usually leads to bad consequences

[StealthEvo]

I didn't think it would trigger it since I wasn't laying siege!!!!!. Plus I also forgot what town it was

[Zarax]

The trigger cannot check for siege so it checks for a player stack near the city (which is also plausible).

[StealthEvo]

I was two movement clicks away in all fairness

[DarthLazy]

Moral= Dont click the pretty girl.

[Blatta Optima Maxima]

This is an important province as it borders the Black Sea

OMG!!! Black sea just went 1000 km east! That is not sexy, you know.

[Dave Strider]

So lets summarise for those of you not paying attention. Looking in your direction Vlad.

You talkin to me? I SAID ARE YOU TALKIN TO ME?

[StealthEvo]

Day eight; When the going gets tough. The Awesome crack open the beers

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Had a good update today. Made some progress and as a result of said progress came to the most awe inspiring conclusion ever. That I am more awesome then you all at once. Simply due to this AAR. Not that I mean any offence. But those petty road blocks have been trampled. Effortlessly. Word

FAN MAIL!!!!

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Moral= Dont click the pretty girl.

But what if she has bewbies?! WHAT IF SHE HAS BEWBIES!!!!

OMG!!! Black sea just went 1000 km east! That is not sexy, you know.

Black Sea, Caspian sea are interchangable in my honest opinion. Both are as awesome as each other. But not as awesome as the Dead Sea. Word

You talkin to me? I SAID ARE YOU TALKIN TO ME?

Yeh? AND WHAT?! You startin?

So, before we start today's scheduled awesome. We have another competition!!! As of the end of this update the Faction Leader Lucco is nearing his early 80's infact I think he might actually be 80 as of the current save. This means that within a few turns (hopefully not) he'll kick the perch and let the heir come in and ruin everything because he's not as awesome as the ing KING OF AWESOME RAWR!

Now due to the way XC works, and as I mentioned previously having a good faction leader with stats roughly above 4-5 in each is best for your empire. As they don't get any penalties. Nor do they get any awesome bonus's. Normally I would be micromanaging these a bit more. But since i'm lazy and the faction leader really isn't important to this AAR unless he's at the front looting and shizzle. Time for a competition!

Right the competition is as follows;

Prince of Awesome!!!!

Not to be confused with Prince of Macedon. Who is not as awesome as me. Sadly.

Right for those of you who do not know how the Faction heir is chosen (by the AI) once the king dies. Go do your reading or ask someone that might knows so you even stand a chance of winning this competition. I refuse to hold hands or answer questions as to the mechanics of this event. So tough luck thinking i'm going to help you Your old enough to use a forum. Your old enough to use the search function yeh? One would assume so at least

Once you think you understand whats gwarning with the to be elected prince of faction system. Continue reading.

As i'm sure your aware my own laziness will not make me overly care who the Heir is. But there are some interesting candidates at present. All of which have been featured, named and championed throughout the AAR. So that narrows down the field of potential candidates.

So heres the competition. Who do you think is going to be the new Faction Heir once Lucco passes on?

As usual shouting out a single name won't do. Due to the nature of this competition we might have to wait a while (no i'm not going to throw him into the rebels either to speed things up). You get one answer and it has to be your first answer. I will be taking note of your first answer to stop you changing it. You will also have to provide explanations. More then a single line please. We iz being serious yeh?

Conditionals:

I will not alter the way I play certain family members. However be warned that I do play them depending on conveniance and location. Hence why Bazza has not seen frontline action recently. He went East and by the time he was done up there. The border was already two provinces over. Thats just how I roll. I will not throw candidates to their death for spite. I love them all equally...Well some naturally more but you know.

So now thats all been sorted. The prizes. Not only will you earn a slice of Perfection Rep from me. But I'm sure I can bully Zarax into given you one as well for your hard work. Your profile name will be altered to form a nickname for an up and coming general of awesome (lineage to be revealed...but he's in the game)

Plus you'll get a special mention at the end of the AAR for being speshul. So theres a pretty nice reward if you choose correctly. But without further ado. Lets continue.

Tune of the daaaaay. Some Chevelle

Lessons Learnt:

Gauls plus Eastern Infantry work suprisinly well.
You can infact teach me old tricks
New tricks work well as well
Sometimes taking your shirt off and smoking is a fantastic way to play Extended Cultures.

Right. Last time we were here! Southern frontier had been forced onto the defensive at the threat of a super stack bearing down on me. But they had vanished without a sight...So with much paranoia I start making plans at running a flying last stand defence.

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Right. So in order to manage a good defense against a screaming hoarde of super powahed spearmen. We need moar cavalry. Now I beat your all screaming. OMG what the are smoking. (Benson and Hedges Silver if you must know) There are a few reasons why i'm going old skool cav on them.

A. I don't have Phalanx's
B. I dont have Elephants in this part of the world or the ecomony to support them
C. They are better then my infantry morale wise.
D. They are also skirmishers.

Theres your reasons. But the toss up. The more expensive and hardy Eastern Cav, which have served me alright. recently

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Or the cheaper and less effective against armour Light Cav option. I went for the light Cav. I need numbers and an extra 100 cav slamming into the rear and flanks does more damage to morale then just 50. I need all the morale damage I get my hands on

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However a turn later and still no re-appearence by the super stack I retreat from the bridge and decide to deal with an old friend, the only way that Cade knows how.

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With awesome. I wasn't able to kill the third one. But I got the two important family members. Thats an important thorn out of my side.

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Lol. I chose to read into this the wrong way. Iseult was born so ugly it was a shame for the family and they went into trolls remorse for bringing such a trog into the world

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"Not so Uggers" Grabs his next target, he's keeping his elephants alive which allows for the quick sieging of these smaller towns.

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Nommed.

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A challenger appears. If you don't get the relevancy of this. You really need to pay attention and go and read some more. (i also accepted him into the family incase that wasn't clear...)

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ZadraCarta is in "Not so Uggers" sights NOM NOM NOM

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Hunting family members with Elephants. Should be an olympic sport init.

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Someones following in Bazza's footsteps

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After some retraining and extra re-enforcements. Cade makes his move against Selecuia. I am very very very paranoid that something's going to attack me. But I have a decently balenced army and due to the insane morale bonus's Cade possesses I should be able to swing a victory if they come crashing my party

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Starting preparations for creating a third stack!!!! This one bringing indian lads straight through the center to really make a unified front. Yes. I only have three (in use) stacks....

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Not the attack I was expecting but when I saw this. I was like YES!!!! This is actually really really really good. Because I can resort to awesome tactics and killing both the family members and in doing so eradicating the garrison completely (because I outnumber them by so much I can surround them sexy style) and take Selecuia without activating that nasty script. I HAVE BEATEN ZARAX AT HIS OWN GAME!!!! Add two awesome points Jeeves

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Nuff said. The Ai tried for once. They brought a S/S 5 experience (two silver chevrons) super phalanx which killed most of my men despite surrounding it.

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Avoiding all the problems of rebellion. With a profit.

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The fruits of my labour tee hee

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OOOOOOH YEAH!!!! Antioch hear I come

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Next target to be ransacked by the Awesome and Converted into Pirate Hookers.

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A visual representation of just how quickly my campaign is accelerating now I have momentum. I normally rely heavily on mercenaries with any faction but I feel justified in spamming them now. This last few turns have really gone in my favour. Although most of the the increase in overall is due to production and finances (which is now nothing so next turn we'll have a proper screen shot with the updated overall ranking

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Remember to get your predictions in for the latest competition before it's too late. Literally!

Stealth out

[Publius Quirinus]

Ah, dammit. But fair's fair, I can't get two guesses, eh.

What were you doing so close to the Baktrians attacking Seleucia anyway? Were you planning on attacking the Baktrians?

EDIT: Looks like you posted that new chapter at the same time as I posted this. Where is that Seleucid doomstack? Things are looking up now but you're in for a world of hurt if they catch your eastern infantry in a city. :O