Writer's Preamble: Two updates in one day!!!! References to Mordor!!! HAS STEALTH GONE CRAZY. Maybe...Maybe not.
I jest. Unlike other AAR's that i've done standard format style. This one has considerably less work. Meaning I can shell out updates fairly quickly. With a normal AAR you play the turn. Take note of everything, do some roleplaying, wrap it up all nicely with speshully cropped screenshots. I don't do any of that. I play a few turns. Take about 20 screen shots and call it a session after about an hour. Now I don't have to take notes about everything, or care about diplomacy accuracy. Because it's just not important. The important bit is whats screencapped and whats being commented on.
So despite my being lazy and doing approximatly 80% less work then my peers and co AARers...AARites? AAR NINJA"S!!!. The majority of my time; goes on uploading the images you all see and go oooh....aaah.... and thats
ing awesome at. Takes about 10-20 minutes to upload everything. If something doesn't upload I have to make note and re-upload it. So it's a long time to wait. But it gives me plenty of time to make some notes about the awesome and come up with the needed banter. Lulz and other needed inserts. Contrary to popular belief I don't talk like I write in prose. Or do I and this is a clever ruse....The mind boggles. But I give you another tune. Black Veil Brides- Perfect Weapon
Do they sound like an american Bullet for My Valentine? Yes, no? I think they do. Anyways enough sanity. Lets begin...
Poking a bear with a stick and thinking it'll all be ok...
Right so last time we were;(see below) had a good base to start out from. Various battles had been fought and won. But mah monies wern't growing fast enough. No matter how many money tree's I planted. It was time to find someone more profitible. So naturally I went for the biggest town I could find.
Which led me here. Opiana had around 10k people inside it. Didn't get a screenshot (I didn't exterminate either, but I'm too lazy to get another screenshot and will forget tomorrow) so you'll have to trust me. Having dropped a spy in there with 40% chance of opening the gates I was happy to discover;
That not only was there a small tiny garrison that with some tact I could easily neutralise, but it was only a two turn sprint. So I legged it! At speed. Knowing every turn I wasted the Ai being the psychic
er that it is will find out what i'm doing and move to intercept me.
And it happened. But not in the way I was expecting...On the Horizon there lay another stack. No where near full. But given my low coffers and beaten not replaced garrison in Alexandropolis. Tings could get dicey if they play silly buggers with sieging me...
Normally I auto resolve sieges. But given the dire need for every man I can get I planned it out properly expecting a bitter struggle on the stone walls. But my spy came through a turn late and let the gates open...
So theres the garrison. Good news. Theres a good smith/Temple present meaning that I can get some desperatly needed unit upgrades. I would prefer experience over weapons and armour. But beggers cannot be choosers. So with it's high population, upgrades and location. This settlement is like winning the lottery on your birthday having beaten your fight with cancer. It's just that crazy insanely awesome.
Bad news. I gotta fight the upgraded garrison. Thankfully it's a small one.
It was a tough fight. Almost lost my general which at the moment with an unfortunate aging population of Family members (most if not all are hitting 50
) I need to make sure I keep them all alive when in battles. A few nasty turns and this party could be over before it started.
So thats the turn which I captured my new prezzie settlement. The Selucids did siege me and it's not looking too chipper...
Two turns later and fighting off a random parthian siege (10 men!!) everything is green and i'm still besieged. The last thing I want to do is sally. Due to them having Thoriktai(sp)? What ever they are called. Just know that they are the WORST thing to fight ever. Stupid defence, Stupid Attack and they throw things at you. They at 4 times better then ANYTHING i can throw at them. So it's a big deal to even fight a Selucid stack rigth now.Especially in sallying where a loss means you loose your settlement. I need to fight defense and tacticially. Two things i'm not good at. But I have plenty of Siegey tricks.
They also decided to try and take Pura as well. With more Thoriktaiaiaia(sp)
Luckily for me. I had a chance to go grab some mercenaries. Just no money. So I cancelled EVERYTHING i was building. Units, Repairs, Buildings (even if they were finished next turn) the lot and picked up two units of Indian Cav (smartest thing i've done the entire campaign. I swear to god)
They made the first move...
I won again. Like I said tactics. I played to my strengths. Elephants and tight corridors. Using the ally ways and hiding behind a corner I was able to stock them from using their javs. Held them in place with the spear men and cav before rofl stomping them with the elephants. That his third Heroic Victory as well I think
This ones an important battle. Pura is a VITAL part of my economy. If i loose this. It's going to be a tough uphill struggle that I dont fancy fighting at all. So this is all or nothing. AMERICANO STYLE!
Took the fight to them this time. Had no real fragile troops and using a noob box around the gate (they brought one ram LULWUT) allowing me to box them in and rout everything but the Thorkities!!! in one charge. Then it was a 10 minute crawl to kill them...Still got a heroic out of it.
Deciding I'd had enough of the Selucids playing hide the pickle with my gates. I decided to take the fight to them. Instead of pushing North. Coastal provinces mean more trade as well. This was my next target. Look how sexy it looks
Naturally my sneaky approach was stopped at the last second and I had to face a stack and a garrison.
I almost cried when I saw they had two thorkies...Note my army is pure mercenary. (the two chevrons)
So despite having numbers, experience and general age and trait advantage. Look at those odds!!!! SEE HOW POWERFUL THEM THORKIES ARE!!!
But like I said the Indian Cav were a life saver in this battle. Wouldn't have won it without them.
Pressing on to fight the survivors from the last battle and another stack of Thorkies
What a waste of men I can't loose....Stupid Selucid Empire. STEALING MY AWESOME!!!!
So with the capture of Harmozia I also got their minor settlements aka towers. I almost did cry when I saw this guy. He's got moar thorkies on him. Decent experience and he can siege two towns. He has a choice. Pura's garrison is in Harmozia...So guess where he'll be going.
Finally for tonight. I took a look at the Ranking list. Thinking. Well i've smacked around the Selucids old skool style for several turns. Won several victories. The only words out of my mouth are.
So thats it for today. Enjoy as always my loving fans. I have a feeling things are about to hit the fan and Zarax is sitting there in his Castle thinking. Soon Stealth you'll meet my army of Selucids MUWAHAHAHAHA well he's almost there. THE REAL BATTLE BEGINS SOON.
AWESOME VERSUS SEXY ....Only one can survive....
Oh and incase you didn't get the Mordor references. It's the Selucids...