my book

[mattfriend0]

as i posted on the rs1 fourm i reposted it on the rs2 fourm as no one goes on rs 1 here is the lastest update

Possible first chapter

Gaul 69 AD

- The sun was setting and the twilight beamed through the trees as Gaius went looking for logs for the fire he intended to make something was wrong everything was silent not even the sound of the birds in the trees and the wild life on the forest floor. The only sound was the footsteps of Gaius. It was too quiet Gaius thought to himself as if there had been movement that scared the wildlife away leaving nothing to make any sound. It was dangerous enough to be walking through a forest in the hours of twilight let alone on your own. Brigands were common in Gaul murdering and robbing anyone that wasn’t protected with a big enough escort and even then brigands have been know to attack escorts if they believed there was enough of value to be taken to risk losing a few men.
- The stepping on a twig gave away the presence of the concealed boys . Gaius froze looking to see where the noise came from. Nothing moved and silence then out from behind a large pine came charging a young man of barely eighteen summers. With an old worn roman cavalry sword that looked blunt and rusty not well kept at all. The youngster screamed his boyish war cry with his rusty sword in the air heading straight at Gaius’s head. Gaius’s drew his legionary Gladius in one quick motion from hours of practise. The young wannabe warrior couldn’t stop him self and the momentum of his charge brought himself onto Gaius’s sword .
-The rusty blade dropped from the boys hand and landed with a clang on a rock on the forest floor. Gaius pushed the now dead body off his sword and landed with a thud. Out behind a large bush on the other side of the track from where Gaius was standing came another boy a few years older but no more experienced as this youngster had a Gladius. Gaius thought the Gladius look well used but sharp. The youngster swung the sword above his head in attempt to discourage Gaius. With a two handed sweep with Gaius’s Gladius the youngsters sword went flying into a near by tree imbedding itself. With a mortal thrust into the youngsters chest the event was over.
- Wiping his sword on the eldest’s ragged trousers he heard a call from a barbaric language the tone was concerned.
- Gaius heard footsteps as a big Gaul came down the path he saw the two youngsters lying on the leafy forest floor and then growled at Gaius. The big Gaul raised his hunting spear ready to throw then the Gaul lowered the spear into a lunging position. Gaius thought that this Gaul woukd be more of a fight than the youngsters.
- The big Gaul charged at the roman with his spear in two hands ready to find a opening in the Romans defence. The Gaul jabbed his spear at Gaius’s midriff jumping back he felt the spear catch on leather jerkin. Luckily the spear didn’t catch and flesh. The Gaul looked unhappy with the failure of his attack. The roman retaliated with a slash at the tip of the hunting the wood split and the tip dropped to the floor.
-Seeing the advantage Gaius lunged at the big Gaul the blade searching for flesh. The Gaul had already recovered from losing the tip of the hunting spear and the wooden shaft came into the face of Gaius. The roman staggered back nearly losing his balance over a root sticking out of the ground. The next blow from the shaft Gaius was more prepared for as he brought up his sword to block the blow sending vibrations down his arm.
-The shaft snapped on the impact. The Gaul came at Gaius with the last piece of his staff hammering on his Gladius until the roman lost his grip of his sword from the shock in his arm. Then gaul went to finish Gaius off with the sharp point from the broken end of the shaft as he went forwards he lost his footing on a rock and slipped and landed on a fallen tree knocking him out cold. Gaius not believing his luck picked up his sword . Looking down at the unconscious giant thinking that the big man could wake up at any moment. With a quick thrust of his sword down through the Gaul’s neck.
-Cleaning off his bloody sword from his opponents clothes, he slipped his sword back in to his belt. He went back to his pack and slung it over his shoulder. He should make camp next to the three dead bodies the wolves would detect the flesh a mile away.
Annoyed at having to march deeper into the forest to make camp for the night.
-The darkness had snuck up on Gaius, he has searched for a safe spot to make camp for the night. Dropping his pack and unrolling his standard issue blanket. Gaius snapped a few twigs and took his lighting flint out of his pack, started to spark the twigs into a flame. Once the flame was ignited. He took his personal hatchet that he carried on campaign and chopped some bigger logs to keep the fire burning longer.
Opened up the pouch and took out the expensive looking scroll, with the seal of Servius Sulpicius Galba. His mission was to bring this message straight to the prefect of the Praetorian guard. Gaius was sworn to secrecy that there was to be no one knowledge of this letter ever existing. Governor Galba had handed the letter to him personality. After the reason events of the rebellion, Gaius only guessed this was something to do with politics. Politics- that was best left to the politicians. Putting the letter back into his pouch he took out some dried beef and started to chew.
-In the morning Gaius rolled up his blanket, picked up his pack and marched on taking a drink from his water flask and continued into the forest.
-By mid day he was through the forest and came to a familiar river the Rubicon.
Back in Italy after years in Hispania he was home at last



Possible prologue

Decimus Secundus rose from his chair thinking carefully the speech he composed this afternoon
-“Noble Senators there is a disease in are great city of Rome and disease that is wasting away the great city that is Rome. I speak of the young emperor Nero. Decimus paused to let the sentence sink in. he saw many shocked faces among the senators. This monster murdered your friends and fellow senators four years ago in there attempt to restore the republic . His tyranny must be put to a end he hosts these games soon to bankrupt Rome’s coffers and his butchery of are noble senators”
A short middle aged senator stood from his chair gaining the attention of the room
-” what you propose Is treason that could have us all on a cross”
“so you would have us stay silent and wait for the emperor to find reasons to have us killed”
“Julius were you not one of the supporters of that tried to restore the republic”
“ Secundus I was not one of the supporters evening bringing up my name with the failed restoration of the republic could have me killed”
“ that’s why the young Caesar must die”
“ I am loyal to my emperor and so should you so called noble senators” the attack was aimed not just at Decimus but to the rest of the room

[Mulattothrasher]

Is this an AAR or just a story for a book you are doing?

[mattfriend0]

its just a fictional book not a AAR

[mattfriend0]

Possible first chapter

Gaul 69 AD

- The sun was setting and the twilight beamed through the trees as Gaius went looking for logs for the fire he intended to make something was wrong everything was silent not even the sound of the birds in the trees and the wild life on the forest floor. The only sound was the footsteps of Gaius. It was too quiet Gaius thought to himself as if there had been movement that scared the wildlife away leaving nothing to make any sound. It was dangerous enough to be walking through a forest in the hours of twilight let alone on your own. Brigands were common in Gaul murdering and robbing anyone that wasn’t protected with a big enough escort and even then brigands have been know to attack escorts if they believed there was enough of value to be taken to risk losing a few men.
- The stepping on a twig gave away the presence of the concealed boys . Gaius froze looking to see where the noise came from. Nothing moved and silence then out from behind a large pine came charging a young man of barely eighteen summers. With an old worn roman cavalry sword that looked blunt and rusty not well kept at all. The youngster screamed his boyish war cry with his rusty sword in the air heading straight at Gaius’s head. Gaius’s drew his legionary Gladius in one quick motion from hours of practise. The young wannabe warrior couldn’t stop him self and the momentum of his charge brought himself onto Gaius’s sword .
-The rusty blade dropped from the boys hand and landed with a clang on a rock on the forest floor. Gaius pushed the now dead body off his sword and landed with a thud. Out behind a large bush on the other side of the track from where Gaius was standing came another boy a few years older but no more experienced as this youngster had a Gladius. Gaius thought the Gladius look well used but sharp. The youngster swung the sword above his head in attempt to discourage Gaius. With a two handed sweep with Gaius’s Gladius the youngsters sword went flying into a near by tree imbedding itself. With a mortal thrust into the youngsters chest the event was over.
- Wiping his sword on the eldest’s ragged trousers he heard a call from a barbaric language the tone was concerned.
- Gaius heard footsteps as a big Gaul came down the path he saw the two youngsters lying on the leafy forest floor and then growled at Gaius. The big Gaul raised his hunting spear ready to throw then the Gaul lowered the spear into a lunging position. Gaius thought that this Gaul would be more of a fight than the youngsters.
- The big Gaul charged at the roman with his spear in two hands ready to find a opening in the Romans defence. The Gaul jabbed his spear at Gaius’s midriff jumping back he felt the spear catch on leather jerkin. Luckily the spear didn’t catch and flesh. The Gaul looked unhappy with the failure of his attack. The roman retaliated with a slash at the tip of the hunting the wood split and the tip dropped to the floor.
-Seeing the advantage Gaius lunged at the big Gaul the blade searching for flesh. The Gaul had already recovered from losing the tip of the hunting spear and the wooden shaft came into the face of Gaius. The roman staggered back nearly losing his balance over a root sticking out of the ground. The next blow from the shaft Gaius was more prepared for as he brought up his sword to block the blow sending vibrations down his arm.
-The shaft snapped on the impact. The Gaul came at Gaius with the last piece of his staff hammering on his Gladius until the roman lost his grip of his sword from the shock in his arm. Then gaul went to finish Gaius off with the sharp point from the broken end of the shaft as he went forwards he lost his footing on a rock and slipped and landed on a fallen tree knocking him out cold. Gaius not believing his luck picked up his sword . Looking down at the unconscious giant thinking that the big man could wake up at any moment. With a quick thrust of his sword down through the Gaul’s neck.
-Cleaning off his bloody sword from his opponents clothes, he slipped his sword back in to his belt. He went back to his pack and slung it over his shoulder. He should make camp next to the three dead bodies the wolves would detect the flesh a mile away.
Annoyed at having to march deeper into the forest to make camp for the night.
-The darkness had snuck up on Gaius, he has searched for a safe spot to make camp for the night. Dropping his pack and unrolling his standard issue blanket. Gaius snapped a few twigs and took his lighting flint out of his pack, started to spark the twigs into a flame. Once the flame was ignited. He took his personal hatchet that he carried on campaign and chopped some bigger logs to keep the fire burning longer.
Opened up the pouch and took out the expensive looking scroll, with the seal of Servius Sulpicius Galba. His mission was to bring this message straight to the prefect of the Praetorian guard. Gaius was sworn to secrecy that there was to be no one knowledge of this letter ever existing. Governor Galba had handed the letter to him personality. After the reason events of the rebellion, Gaius only guessed this was something to do with politics. Politics- that was best left to the politicians. Putting the letter back into his pouch he took out some dried beef and started to chew.
-In the morning Gaius rolled up his blanket, picked up his pack and marched on taking a drink from his water flask and continued into the forest.
-By afternoon he was through the forest and came to a familiar river the Rubicon.
Back in Italy after years in Hispania he was home at last. He looked across the water watching a wild deer drinking at the river and further down the river Italian fishermen trying catch. He came down to the waters edge and filled up his water flask. The roman walked along the bank of the Rubicon until he came to a ford. He lifted up his tunic just above the water line as he walked across
“The die is cast” he muttered to himself as he remembered his favourite story from when he was growing up. The heroic life of Gaius Julius Caesar as his father used to put it. Caesar famously said the “die is cast” when he crossed the Rubicon into Italy at the head of his army.
It was still many miles from Rome. He would spend the night at a tavern a few miles from the Rubicon the owner was his mentor and his old Centurion when he served as a Optio. After a few miles down the road Gaius came to a old shabby tavern on the road with a plaque above a old wooden door saying the centurion’s mess. Pulling open the door a warm breeze came wafting out inviting the roman in. Gaius shut the door behind him shouts and argument came from a corner of the tavern.
“ GET OUT OF MY TAVEN” shouted a stocky middle scared man wielding a stool. Face the scared roman was two clearly drunk Italian’s trying to grab the stool off the older man. The barman sneaked a glance at who ever had entered the tavern. He smiled as he recognized the roman in standard issue military tunic.
“ WHATS GOING ON HERE” Gaius howled in parade ground volume. Both men looked as the barman took the opportunity and broke the stool over the nearest mans head knocking him out cold. The last remanding drunk noticed his companion fall to the floor. Looking from Gaius to the barman his courage failed as he realised being outnumbered he turned the man who just walked in judging his chance of making it to the door. Gaius taking the drunk’s gaze as a threat he drew his sword and the drunk fell on to his knees.
“please don’t kill me” the drunk sobbed
Gaius looked up to his mentor with a questioning look
“ let him go”
The drunk dragged him self to his feet a ran out the door
“Centurion Gaius Antonius Sulla its been too long”
“Barman Marcus Julius Cato”
“I guess you will be wanting a cup of wine?”
“how about a amphora?” Gaius replayed with a chuckle
“ and as always you will wanting it on the house”
“of course why would I visit old retired centurion if there wasn’t a skinful of free wine involved”
“I am hurt”
“you own me for all those times I saved your life”
“when?” the barman asked with a innocent expression
“that time when you got that arrow stuck in your leg and we being hunted by those Nubians. “That time that lion tried to rip your face off when you betted the Africans you could wrestle a lion who was there to save you?” Gaius counted out on his fingers the many other times
“ yes, yes I get your point you have saved my life once or twice”
“seven times”
“fine you get the amphora”
“happy?”
“very much so” smiled Gaius. “what was all that about looking in the direction of the unconscious body”
“just two locals they will be back tomorrow”
“want me to have a word being centurion has its benefits”
“ why would I want that they are my best customers they wont even remember what happened tonight in the morning. While I get the wine could you drag him outside?”
Gaius got up a walked over to the drunk and grabbed him by his feet and dragged him out the door into the cold dark night.






Possible prologue

Decimus Secundus rose from his chair thinking carefully the speech he composed this afternoon
-“Noble Senators there is a disease in are great city of Rome and disease that is wasting away the great city that is Rome. I speak of the young emperor Nero. Decimus paused to let the sentence sink in. he saw many shocked faces among the senators. This monster murdered your friends and fellow senators four years ago in there attempt to restore the republic . His tyranny must be put to a end he hosts these games soon to bankrupt Rome’s coffers and his butchery of are noble senators”
A short middle aged senator stood from his chair gaining the attention of the room
-” what you propose Is treason that could have us all on a cross”
“so you would have us stay silent and wait for the emperor to find reasons to have us killed”
“Julius were you not one of the supporters of that tried to restore the republic”
“ Secundus I was not one of the supporters evening bringing up my name with the failed restoration of the republic could have me killed”
“ that’s why the young Caesar must die”
“ I am loyal to my emperor and so should you so called noble senators” the attack was aimed not just at Decimus but to the rest of the room

[Tsim]

don't give up your day job at McDonalds

[Jaytee]

don't give up your day job at McDonalds

A bit harsh.

[Mulattothrasher]

don't give up your day job at McDonalds

Theres something called constructive criticism that would have been much more insightful than that...

[mattfriend0]

but if i quit my day job at Mcdonalds you can get off the streets and take my place there

[apple]

Guys stat on topic please or I will have to report you.

[mattfriend0]

sorry he started it. anyone got any good and useful crititzm

[PadrePio]

It is fine as a first draft. But if it is the final output, I'm afraid it will not be acceptable; even for an AAR. It still needs polishing. For starters, you're missing lots of periods, commas and other punctuation marks. Capitalization rules are not being used. I also found many run-on sentences, dangling modifiers, improper use of articles, wrong word usage and other grammar booboos. I also find it weird to see a dash/hyphen before the beginning of some paragraphs. I guess it is your way of marking the beginning of a new paragraph. Usually, you just put a line space between paragraphs to indicate divisions.

Just like what I did here. It would be very tedious to point out every GUM (Grammar, Usage and Mechanics) errors in the story. However, the story itself is interesting, IMO. I like the way you portrayed young Gaius, an impetous young centurion. I can't comment much on the plot since it's not discernible yet.

[xXEsotericXx]

A bit harsh.

If u think about it its not, atleast he's working for his money, maybe the comment from the guy is just because he cant even work at Macdonalds

[mattfriend0]

its only a draft i know the spelling grammer ect is very poor but that can be changed and edited later. what i am looking for is comments on plot and how well the story is being told e.g. the plots moving too fast or the story is too dull you last comment padre pio is what i am looking for more of that stuff

[PadrePio]

I'm not sure if this is the right forum to discuss your literary work. I've read the entirety of your write-up. First impressions: the writer certainly knows his Roman history. Or at least, the Roman era. And I like the fact that you kept modernistic terms/words into a minimum, which helped in maintaining the illusion of us, the readers, being catapulted into the Roman era. For example, you used "eighteen summers" instead of writing eighteen years old, which would have destroyed the illusion. The action scene was nicely played out in the first chapter. However, I felt that it took so long to describe it. One rule I always maintain in writing a story is that, a scene/narrative/dialogue must either advance the storyline/plot or flesh out the character more. If it doesn't do both or one of the two I mentioned, I dump it.

And again, as I've said before, I cannot really comment much on the storyline/plot since it's barely discernible at this moment. But if you'll ask me, the pacing is a tad slow. I always believe that plot should readily be discernible at the start. Give your reader a foothold, so to speak. Something that would make the reader plow through the walls-o-texts and still want for more.

Your story thus far:

Gaius is on his way to Rome. (For what purpose? And where did he come from?) He met and killed three barbarians in the forest. (Action scene was rather long but it helped us see Gaius in a different light. He is brave, decisive and has no qualms in killing people, even young ones.) He crossed the Rubicon, trudged for a few miles until evening sets in. He decided to spend the spent the night in a nearby tavern owned (surprise, surprise) by his mentor, a former centurion. (Was it just a coincidence? Or does he have a motive in searching out his former mentor?) He decided to spend the night there. A minor altercation occurred involving drunks and finally, the two old friends had a chance for a chitchat.

Basically that's it. Would it motivate me to read the second chapter? Hmm. . . Maybe, but maybe not. I'm not sure. I was looking for more conflict. I think you should work on the pacing. And as early as possible, you should give something big, interesting and important for the reader to hold on to in your story. Give them a bone to chew upon, so to speak. Grab the reader's attention at the soonest possible time. Do not tarry long. Do not wait for chapter 2. Do it at he start.

[mattfriend0]

thanks for the advice here the lastest update

Possible first chapter

Gaul 69 AD

- The sun was setting and the twilight beamed through the trees as Gaius went looking for logs for the fire he intended to make something was wrong everything was silent not even the sound of the birds in the trees and the wild life on the forest floor. The only sound was the footsteps of Gaius. It was too quiet Gaius thought to himself as if there had been movement that scared the wildlife away leaving nothing to make any sound. It was dangerous enough to be walking through a forest in the hours of twilight let alone on your own. Brigands were common in Gaul murdering and robbing anyone that wasn’t protected with a big enough escort and even then brigands have been know to attack escorts if they believed there was enough of value to be taken to risk losing a few men.

- The stepping on a twig gave away the presence of the concealed boys . Gaius froze looking to see where the noise came from. Nothing moved and silence then out from behind a large pine came charging a young man of barely eighteen summers. With an old worn roman cavalry sword that looked blunt and rusty not well kept at all. The youngster screamed his boyish war cry with his rusty sword in the air heading straight at Gaius’s head. Gaius’s drew his legionary Gladius in one quick motion from hours of practise. The young wannabe warrior couldn’t stop him self and the momentum of his charge brought himself onto Gaius’s sword .

-The rusty blade dropped from the boys hand and landed with a clang on a rock on the forest floor. Gaius pushed the now dead body off his sword and landed with a thud. Out behind a large bush on the other side of the track from where Gaius was standing came another boy a few years older but no more experienced as this youngster had a Gladius. Gaius thought the Gladius look well used but sharp. The youngster swung the sword above his head in attempt to discourage Gaius. With a two handed sweep with Gaius’s Gladius the youngsters sword went flying into a near by tree imbedding itself. With a mortal thrust into the youngsters chest the event was over.

- Wiping his sword on the eldest’s ragged trousers he heard a call from a barbaric language the tone was concerned.

- Gaius heard footsteps as a big Gaul came down the path he saw the two youngsters lying on the leafy forest floor and then growled at Gaius. The big Gaul raised his hunting spear ready to throw then the Gaul lowered the spear into a lunging position. Gaius thought that this Gaul would be more of a fight than the youngsters.

- The big Gaul charged at the roman with his spear in two hands ready to find a opening in the Romans defence. The Gaul jabbed his spear at Gaius’s midriff jumping back he felt the spear catch on leather jerkin. Luckily the spear didn’t catch and flesh. The Gaul looked unhappy with the failure of his attack. The roman retaliated with a slash at the tip of the hunting the wood split and the tip dropped to the floor.

-Seeing the advantage Gaius lunged at the big Gaul the blade searching for flesh. The Gaul had already recovered from losing the tip of the hunting spear and the wooden shaft came into the face of Gaius. The roman staggered back nearly losing his balance over a root sticking out of the ground. The next blow from the shaft Gaius was more prepared for as he brought up his sword to block the blow sending vibrations down his arm.

-The shaft snapped on the impact. The Gaul came at Gaius with the last piece of his staff hammering on his Gladius until the roman lost his grip of his sword from the shock in his arm. Then gaul went to finish Gaius off with the sharp point from the broken end of the shaft as he went forwards he lost his footing on a rock and slipped and landed on a fallen tree knocking him out cold. Gaius not believing his luck picked up his sword . Looking down at the unconscious giant thinking that the big man could wake up at any moment. With a quick thrust of his sword down through the Gaul’s neck.

-Cleaning off his bloody sword from his opponents clothes, he slipped his sword back in to his belt. He went back to his pack and slung it over his shoulder. He should make camp next to the three dead bodies the wolves would detect the flesh a mile away.
Annoyed at having to march deeper into the forest to make camp for the night.
-The darkness had snuck up on Gaius, he has searched for a safe spot to make camp for the night. Dropping his pack and unrolling his standard issue blanket. Gaius snapped a few twigs and took his lighting flint out of his pack, started to spark the twigs into a flame. Once the flame was ignited. He took his personal hatchet that he carried on campaign and chopped some bigger logs to keep the fire burning longer.

Opened up the pouch and took out the expensive looking scroll, with the seal of Servius Sulpicius Galba. His mission was to bring this message straight to the prefect of the Praetorian guard. Gaius was sworn to secrecy that there was to be no one knowledge of this letter ever existing. Governor Galba had handed the letter to him personality. After the reason events of the rebellion, Gaius only guessed this was something to do with politics. Politics- that was best left to the politicians. Putting the letter back into his pouch he took out some dried beef and started to chew.
-
In the morning Gaius rolled up his blanket, picked up his pack and marched on taking a drink from his water flask and continued into the forest.
-
By afternoon he was through the forest and came to a familiar river the Rubicon.
Back in Italy after years in Hispania he was home at last. He looked across the water watching a wild deer drinking at the river and further down the river Italian fishermen trying catch. He came down to the waters edge and filled up his water flask. The roman walked along the bank of the Rubicon until he came to a ford. He lifted up his tunic just above the water line as he walked across

“The die is cast” he muttered to himself as he remembered his favourite story from when he was growing up. The heroic life of Gaius Julius Caesar as his father used to put it. Caesar famously said the “die is cast” when he crossed the Rubicon into Italy at the head of his army.

It was still many miles from Rome. He would spend the night at a tavern a few miles from the Rubicon the owner was his mentor and his old Centurion when he served as a Optio. After a few miles down the road Gaius came to a old shabby tavern on the road with a plaque above a old wooden door saying the centurion’s mess. Pulling open the door a warm breeze came wafting out inviting the roman in. Gaius shut the door behind him shouts and argument came from a corner of the tavern.

“ GET OUT OF MY TAVEN” shouted a stocky middle scared man wielding a stool. Face the scared roman was two clearly drunk Italian’s trying to grab the stool off the older man. The barman sneaked a glance at who ever had entered the tavern. He smiled as he recognized the roman in standard issue military tunic.

“ WHATS GOING ON HERE” Gaius howled in parade ground volume. Both men looked as the barman took the opportunity and broke the stool over the nearest mans head knocking him out cold. The last remanding drunk noticed his companion fall to the floor. Looking from Gaius to the barman his courage failed as he realised being outnumbered he turned the man who just walked in judging his chance of making it to the door. Gaius taking the drunk’s gaze as a threat he drew his sword and the drunk fell on to his knees.

“please don’t kill me” the drunk sobbed
Gaius looked up to his mentor with a questioning look

“ let him go”
The drunk dragged him self to his feet a ran out the door

“Centurion Gaius Antonius Sulla its been too long”

“Barman Marcus Julius Cato”

“I guess you will be wanting a cup of wine?”

“how about a amphora?” Gaius replayed with a chuckle

“ and as always you will wanting it on the house”

“of course why would I visit old retired centurion if there wasn’t a skinful of free wine involved”

“I am hurt”
“you own me for all those times I saved your life”

“when?” the barman asked with a innocent expression

“that time when you got that arrow stuck in your leg and we being hunted by those Nubians. “That time that lion tried to rip your face off when you betted the Africans you could wrestle a lion who was there to save you?” Gaius counted out on his fingers the many other times

“ yes, yes I get your point you have saved my life once or twice”

“seven times”

“fine you get the amphora”

“happy?”

“very much so” smiled Gaius. “what was all that about looking in the direction of the unconscious body”

“just two locals they will be back tomorrow”

“want me to have a word being centurion has its benefits”

“ why would I want that they are my best customers they wont even remember what happened tonight in the morning. While I get the wine could you drag him outside?”
Gaius got up a walked over to the drunk and grabbed him by his feet and dragged him out the door into the cold dark night.

“so what brings you my way?” called from his cellar. Gaius walked back into the tavern and pulled up a stool.

“imperial business”
Marcus came back into the room carrying two wooden cups and a amphora. Placing the two cups down and poured them to the brim taking a sip he continued

“ah what has your Legatus been getting you running about for?”

“well I shouldn’t really be telling you but” Gaius took out the letter from his pack and passed it over to

“that’s an expensive scroll” looked at it in awe he passed it back and Gaius’s put it back in his pack

“so how’s retired life?” he changed the subject knowing that Marcus would want to know more.

“well the tavern is bringing in a lot of money there no century to look after no Optio to keep in line” they both laughed and drained there
cup and Marcus refilled there cups. The night went on with the first amphora empty another one was brought up from the cellar and the drinking and reminiscing went on.

Gaius woke with an heavy head and a numbing pain he found Marcus snoring a woke him with a shook on the shoulder
“what time is it?” Marcus asked sleepily

“First light”
“too early Its one of the benefits of being retired”
“well I am still in the army and I better be get going I need to get to Rome”










Possible prologue

Decimus Secundus rose from his chair thinking carefully the speech he composed this afternoon
-“Noble Senators there is a disease in are great city of Rome and disease that is wasting away the great city that is Rome. I speak of the young emperor Nero. Decimus paused to let the sentence sink in. he saw many shocked faces among the senators. This monster murdered your friends and fellow senators four years ago in there attempt to restore the republic . His tyranny must be put to a end he hosts these games soon to bankrupt Rome’s coffers and his butchery of are noble senators”
A short middle aged senator stood from his chair gaining the attention of the room

-” what you propose Is treason that could have us all on a cross”

“so you would have us stay silent and wait for the emperor to find reasons to have us killed”

“Julius were you not one of the supporters of that tried to restore the republic”

“ Secundus I was not one of the supporters evening bringing up my name with the failed restoration of the republic could have me killed”
“ that’s why the young Caesar must die”

“ I am loyal to my emperor and so should you so called noble senators”

the attack was aimed not just at Decimus but to the rest of the room. After that Julius stood up and stormed out of the door.

“what should we do he will tell the emperor” questioned a younger senator

“if the emperor finds out about this we will be dead” argument broke out among the senators. Decimus shook his head and let the men argue over the matter then he realized that Julius could be on the way to wake the emperor. Decimus knew the senator would never act and just argue on the matter and it would be too late. Decimus stood up and walked out leaving the group of men arguing. He came into the garden of his villa and called for his personal body slave Cato.

“fetch me a knife from the kitchens and be quick”
“yes master”

While he waited he through off his toga over the nearest statue.
He had worn the toga for the meeting as he seemed to orate better with it on. It gave he confident as he was not a natural strong public speaker. His slave returned with a sharp cooking knife

“is this what you required master?” he held out the knife in two hands on one knee

“yes Cato this will do nicely” Decimus slipped the knife into his belt and walked out into the street. It was a warm night as he busted into a run he would have to be fast to catch up with Julius. He ran through the streets where he lived most of his life. Julius could be heading to two places the Imperial palace or his Domus on the Palatine. Luckily the imperial palace was on the way. As he neared to the palace Decimus saw the white toga of senator Julius.

“Senator Julius” Decimus called out as he caught up with the senator. Julius turned round to face Decimus. Decimus has pulled the knife out of his belt and held the knife behind his back as he step towards Julius when he was in range. With a flash of the knife he plunged the knife down into his targets neck. Blood spurted out and splashed on to his tunic. Julius toga soaked in blood as he fell on the to stone street.

Decimus looked down at the bloody mess wondering what to do with the body should he just leave it or should he hide the body the Tiber was well know place to hide a body. The sound of the urban cohort marching down the street made up his decision for him. Dropped the kitchen knife and ran off down a backstreet by the time the urban cohort had found the body he was away and on the way back to his Domus.

[Gotenus]

My first advice is that you find an editor above all else. I'm not trying to put you down or anything, but if you have an editor, someone willing to read through it and punctuate it properly, it gives you more time to work on the plot and other logistics. Just make sure they don't edit out important stuff.

[mattfriend0]

my brother is my editor and he done a bit

[Tsim]

this topic has soo much to do with RS2....

[thedave]

Just out of interest, are these characters taken from the "Imperator" series? If so, why? :-)

[mattfriend0]

no they are not they are from my imaginaion