If there's anyone here who's been a constant in the PH&A you may have heard this story before so please excuse the recap if it sounds familiar. However there are some new things I'd like a little advice on or maybe some people to bring things into perspective.
Spoiler Alert, click show to read:
So, with all that in mind, I must now admit that I've fallen for her again...and I think this time I may have fallen a bit harder than last.
They tell you not to put a woman you love on a pedestal (well actually what they say is a bit more graphic haha) but it's really hard not to be absolutely stunned by this girl. I've known her for almost six years and I can seriously not point out a single flaw - she's absolutely beautiful, is emotional (in a good way), has a great relationship with her family and friends, generally cares about people (and does a lot of community service work), has a great personality, and has a great mind....she's almost too good to be true but like I said...there's little to nothing to make me or anyone else believe otherwise.
I honestly don't understand why her and I became good friends and possibly got up to the brink of something more than that. I'm nowhere near the kind of person she is. I have a list of physical, emotional, and mental flaws that you could wrap the entire world around twice.
Now I don't believe in fate and I'm not too keen on spirituality but I find myself thinking "there has to be a reason why the two of us keep coming into one anothers' lives" and why we're still able to talk and see each other with a certain degree of comfort even when we haven't seen each other for months or even years at a time.
There has to be, but why?
It's hard for me to put into words how I feel about her. She's one of the two women I've come across in my life that I can truly find peace with. The world seems brighter and full of color when I'm around her, I can take off this armor (metaphorically speaking of coarse) I've surrounded myself in, I can open up to her, and just the thought of being able to love her mystifies me.
I look at her and think "if there's truly one person I could spend the rest of my life with and be happy with just that, it's her".
Yet, I don't know what to do now. Sure I want to tell her and believe that my words will convince her that we're meant for each other but I'm also a very cold realist - I just know that if I tell her all this she's more likely to reject my advances once again and maybe this time I'll lose her for good instead of just a year or so.
I also am not sure if I want to run the risk of messing up things again. After falling away from one another we've started to really build up the kind of relationship we had had in that time between when she broke up with my friend and when I talked to her about my feelings the first time.
Do I take that chance? Risk it?
What do I do? I honestly don't know...