Chuck Norris jokes

[Mugg]

Well, for breaking boredness...lol

Here's few: Chuck Norris built his own birthhouse...
Chuck Norris knows what was before the egg or chicken...Baby Chuck
God built Earth in seven days 'cuz Chuck didn't have too much time to wait.

I know they are bad, lmao....Give better!

[Heinz Guderian]

This must stop now.

[Mugg]

Moderators I shockly please you to delete this topic made of unknowing how rule breaking it is...Truly sorry and I meant no harm, offences, religious attacks etc. It won't happen again!

[Poach]

...And on the seventh day, God rested. Until Chuck roundhouse kicked him in the face and told him to get his lazy arse back to work.

The boogie man checks under his bed at night for Chuck.

In Soviet Russia, Chuck still roundhouse kicks you. His vengence is symmetrical and thus immune to reversal.

There is no such thing as extinct species, only those Chuck permits to continue existing.

Contrary to popular belief, human cloning is possible. It is, however, suppressed by the world governments out of fear that Chuck will clone himself.

The Big Bang was the outcome of the last time Chuck cloned himself. He fell out with his clone, and both roundhouse kicks met mid-kick...

* * *

Such are the funniest ones I can recall. There are actually a few decent ones out there...

[Habelo]

Chuck norris hits, ignore buble.

Chuck norris kicks are so fast, that they hit before he started to kick.

Man that was harder then i thought it would be. I wish i was more of a comedian

[Double A]

In America, Chuck Norris kills you.

In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris still kills you.

[athanaric]

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

[Heathen Hammer]

Chuck Norris' penis is so big, it has a penis of its own, which is bigger than yours.

[Solid Snake]

Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.

[EmperorBatman999]

When there's a problem, somewhere in the world, the army is called. If the army fails, they call in the special forces. If the special forces fail, they call in the Delta Force. If the Delta Force fails, they call in the black ops snipers. If the black ops snipers fail, they call Chuck Norris.

[Dan the Man]

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

[Mr. Pink]

Why doesn't Chuck Norris use contraception?

Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

[D.B. Cooper]

Chuck Norris jokes were funny in, like, 2006

[ShADoW]

I never understood the craziness for Chuck Norris.

[Mr. Pink]

Chuck Norris jokes were funny in, like, 2006

They were never funny.

[Double A]

They were never funny.

Exactly. Which is why they're so funny.



Chuck Norris made the world go round.

...

With a roundhouse kick.

[Ascarona]

When Chuck Norris does push ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world away.

[Don in the North]

there is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals chuck norris has allowed to live

[Sulfurion Blackfyre]

Not exactly a "chuck norris joke" but this really happened:

Spoiler Alert, click show to read: 

If someone were to ask you who the last person anyone should ever dare to mug is, what name would be your answer? This lister is betting on 80% or better of respondents answering, “Chuck Norris.”

Amazingly, astoundingly, two idiots managed to try just that. It happened in 1994. Norris mentions this whole thing in his autobiography, “Against All Odds.” And, by his testimony, this is what happened. Honest to God, it really happened.

In 1994, right at the beginning of his run as Walker, Texas Ranger, Norris was, and still is, living in Dallas, Texas, where the show was filmed. One day he was walking down the street by himself, no entourage, no fans following him, no bodyguards, not even his wife. He turned a commercial block in the downtown skyscraper area and saw two men a little bigger than he coming straight for him from the other end of the block.

They were staring right at him, and he figured they wanted autographs, which he enjoys signing. So he walked up to them and stopped with a smile, whereupon they stood in front of him, whipped out a couple of large pocketknives, and one of them demanded, “Give me your wallet, Chuck! Give it here!”
Norris actually opened his mouth wide and then asked, “Are you insane!?”
“No! We know who you are! And we know you got a lot of money! Now give it up, or you’re dead!”

Now before we go further, let us just go over a few of the particulars. All jokes aside, Chuck Norris truly does have the following black belts: 1st degree in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, 8th Degree Grandmaster in Tae Kwon Do, 9th degree in Jeet Kune Do under Bruce Lee and Lee’s best student, Dan Inosanto, 10th degree in Shito Ryu Karate, 10th degree in Tang Soo Do, 11th degree in Chun Kuk Do.

Granted, the last art is his own concoction, a hybrid of all the best moves he has learned over the years, all blended for both self-defense and competition, and you are only allowed a 10th degree or better in anything when you found your own dojo. But suffice to say, the muggers didn’t even use guns. From a hundred feet away. They used knives within arm’s reach. What happened next was rather anti-climactic.

The police arrived about 4 minutes later, 3 officers in two cars, and were greeted by the scene of two men with SEVERELY broken arms (the bones had gone through the skin) sitting on the curb, two bloody knives in the gutter, and Chuck Norris, the Almighty Himself, leaning against the wall, wearing his beard, jeans, cowboy boots and a cowboy hat….he shrugged at them. The police started laughing so hard that they bent over, holding their sides, unable to put the handcuffs on the muggers. One of them managed to ask, “Did you not know who he was?!”

One of them said, “Yeah, we knew who he was! We figured all that crap on TV was fake!” FROM LISTVERSE

[EireEmerald]

Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.

LMFAO